Powerful Principles of Personal Growth

The Third Alternative

As a follow up to the last post, 7 Steps to the Killer Negotiations, I felt the need to really delve into the Step #6 due to the many conversations it has sparked. I didn’t realize that it would be such a controversial topic so I want to share my insights and conviction regarding the Third Alternative.

I’ve often been criticized or even ridiculed for believing that there is a third alternative in any given situation. I’ve been called an unrealistic optimist – my cousin wasn’t too shy about sharing her skepticism with me when we debated on the subject.

The irrefutable fact is though, that there is almost always a Third Alternative and we each have the responsibility to pursue it fervently in all our endeavors. There are those rare times when the Third Alternative is not necessary but I’ve found that in most situations it’s not only warranted but necessary.

What is the Third Alternative?

The Third Alternative is the synergy between two or more parties and their ideas that produces results that are not only desirable to all parties involved but is exponentially greater than the independent thoughts before they came together. (I know – long sentence; let me break it down a bit.)

Essentially, when you arrive at the Third Alternative, everyone involved in a given situation not only walks away happy but with much more than they’d expected in the first place. This, in the view of many, may seem an unrealistic goal especially when I assert that this option almost always exists in almost any situation. I believe it, I live it and I’ve seen it time and time again.

The Third Alternative is possible each and every time, parties get together to negotiate or resolve an issue. If they come to the table with the genuine intent to see that everyone is happy with the outcome to the situation, you will see the Third Alternative in action. Because people usually enter a negotiation or situation with different expectations, it is entirely possible that not every party will be happy at the onset of the process. Focused on a desirable result for all though, flexibility , understanding, creativity and ingenuity kick in to bring about a Third Alternative that is better than all the ideas put together.

The Third Alternative says that you are open; it says that you embrace the new; it says that you abhor the status quo; it says that you can change if the change leads to the good of all. This is what the Third Alternative is all about.

What’s Not the Third Alternative?

Before we explore just exactly how you arrive at the Third Alternative, I feel that it’s important to clarify what it is not.

The Third Alternative is not Win/Lose. In a win/lose exchange, one party always wins and the other always loses which means someone is going home unhappy – with a raw deal. This is not good for either party – even if the “winner” feels like he got away clean, it won’t be for long. Resentment is an emotion that often brews slowly and then unleashes in the nastiest ways imaginable. I don’t think the so-called winner would want to be the winner at this point. Also, Win/Lose doesn’t make for successful relationship cultivation either; it will be rotten before it even gets started.

The Third Alternative is not Lose/Win.  Again, it breeds resentment and distrust. People who go for Lose/Win tend to lack confidence and courage to pursue their desires which makes it impossible to ever reach the Third Alternative. The Third Alternative can only be realized when each party has the confidence and the courage to convey true desires – then and only then can the results be the best and magnified ten-fold or one thousand-fold for that matter.

The bottom line is that, the Third Alternative cannot exist among those who seek to win at all cost and those who seek to please at any price.

Those who seek to win at all cost don’t care how they arrive at the win just so long as they win. This is a short-term strategy that almost always has no longevity whatsoever and most probably no chance of survival in the long run. Those who seek to please at any price tend to whine and complain about not having meanwhile they consistently compromise their goals, desires and values to appease others in the hope that it will be better next time. This by and large is never the case because if you seek to lose – you will.

The Third Alternative in Action

There are 7 keys to seeing the Third Alternative in action aside from being a fly on the wall while it’s happening.

Genuine intent – your intentions must be pure. You have to go in with the genuine intent to seek a solution that is for the good of all parties involved. This has to be your mission in order for you to have the right direction – be guided by the correct map.

Be open – If you have genuine intent, then this one is easy – they go hand in hand. In order to reach the Third Alternative, you have to be open to other ideas. You have to embrace newness and change. When you seek the Third Alternative, the possibilities are limitless.

Confidence and courage – You have to believe in your position so that you can clearly state your desires. If you do not present your desires with conviction and clarity, no one will know what you truly want and therefore you rob others of the opportunity to consider your true desires. The Third Alternative requires truth in order to be realized.

Desire to listen and understand – This key is very important; you must have a true desire to listen and understand the other parties. This is the only way your creative self can truly seek the best solution. The better you understand the others’ desires, the easier it will be for you to find synergy among the ideas.

Be flexible – Flexibility is key because you must be able to adapt quickly and effortlessly when seeking the Third Alternative. This is the way you show your willingness to embrace newness and change for the good of all.

Be creative – Adhering to the other keys will more easily give rise to your most creative self. The Third Alternative requires creativity in order to be successful – to find synergy and common ground – to change.

Be prepared to walk away – This key is almost always not necessary because the other keys taken together are almost always effective. Still, if it becomes necessary, you must be prepared to walk away. Many people have a hard time with this concept – walking away from what seems like a good deal just because everyone is not happy. That is exactly what I’m saying though. If for some reason a creative Third Alternative is not possible, then this becomes the Third Alternative. It’s either a Win/Win or walk away. No deal is better than a raw deal – period!

It’s Unrealistic

Is it really so difficult to grasp – really? I believe that the people who say this are married to the status quo – leaders believe in the possibilities. Who decides what’s realistic and what’s not? Is there an authority designated in the area or realism that I am unaware of? I didn’t think so.

If perception is reality, then what I perceive is also real – the Third Alternative is always possible. I challenge you to try another approach to your negotiations; apply these keys and I guarantee you will immediately see the power of the Third Alternative in action.

As you digest this article… ponder this…

A friend once told me that the world is not BIG enough to be ideal. My response was that I believe that people’s ideals aren’t BIG enough for the world. What are your thoughts?

Killer Series: 7 Steps to the Killer Negotiation

I have seen it explained in many ways and watched it happen on different turfs and more often than not, the posture and position is always the same. People mistakenly enter a negotiation thinking that someone has to win and someone has to lose.

I know that the dictionary’s definition of negotiation states that negotiation is a compromise, a concession, a series of give and take or finding the middle ground. Personally, I think that the dictionary is limited on this subject and is quite shortsighted. There’s more to a negotiation than mediocrity which is where you end up when you seek the middle ground. The middle ground is short-lived because people on one side or both sides harbor resentment for not having achieved what they set out to.

In my view, there is definitely a higher purpose in negotiation and that is to achieve a win/win. A negotiation then, by the Dean L. Forbes definition, is a synergy of two ideas, the beginning of a fruitful and long-lasting relationship; it is a series of give-and-give where the ends meet the desires of both sides.

Many people will say that this view is terribly optimistic and therefore unrealistic BUT I beg to differ because I have had the experience of both and I do know that win/win is always better than win/lose and that win/win is almost always achievable. And, even when win/win is not achievable, there is still a far better option than win/lose.

Following are the 7 Steps to the Killer Negotiation. Study them and put them into practice; I guarantee that once you do you will discover how easy it is to consistently achieve the results you desire. You will see immediate and profoundly positive results in your negotiation skills and your personal growth.

Step #1: Know What You Want

I realize that this first step is obvious and that you surely don’t need lessons in it but in the spirit of being thorough, I’ll cover it anyway. You never know, they may want to publish this material in the “Dummy” book “how to” series.

Ok, where were we? Right… step one.

Before you enter any negotiation, you’d better know exactly what you want and why you want it. This will come up over and over on this website; you need to have a clear mission before you move. Begin with the end in mind at all times so that each move you make will be focused and purposed in achieving your mission. The clearer you are in your mission, the easier it will be for you to navigate a negotiation.

Knowing what you want though is more than just knowing your mission – you also need to know the why so that you can master the right content. Without the why, you won’t know how to process the information surrounding your mission. You will not be able to deliver your goals with clarity and precision. This means that you must answer the question of why you want what you want.

You should know how your mission will benefit you and others; you should know the impact and its significance and you should be able to clearly outline expectations. The last thing you want is to be surprised by any information you might learn during your negotiation – you must be prepared.

Step #2: Foresight is better Than Hindsight

Remember what I said just a line or two ago about being prepared? Well, this is the step where you bullet proof your preparedness. You may have heard the cliché, hindsight is 20/20 BUT I like to believe that foresight is even keener than that.

With the proper research, your foresight could be a magnificent asset in any negotiation. Before you set foot in at the negotiation table, make certain you go the extra mile on reconnaissance (That’s recon for the military junkies).  Find out everything you can about the market in which you are negotiating and know all you can about the other party at the table. The more you know about the other party you are negotiating with, the more you’ll be able to offer.

Armed with this information, you can anticipate questions, concerns and objections and make the necessary adjustments beforehand to accommodate their needs. There is no icebreaker more powerful than providing what is needed without being asked. Performing recon duties will help you tremendously in opening up the other party to your needs.

They will view you as intuitive and considerate and whatever tension was expected to be in the room will have dissipated because of your foresight. Besides, what good is hindsight when the deal is behind you? You want to affect the deal while it’s in front of you.

Step #3: Sit On the Same Side

Many negotiations start with the parties on opposite sides of the table. This is because most people view negotiations as a war between enemies so they sit on opposite sides of each other. They see each other as opponents.

This is not an effective approach because it creates distrust from the onset and those walls become harder to break down as negotiations ensue. A more effective approach is to sit on the same side of the table. This is not a war, you are not enemies and there is nothing to be gained in the others defeat. Instead of viewing the other party as an opponent, view them as partners seeking to help each other and work successfully together.

If you sit on opposite sides, the tone of the negotiation will be inflexible, standoffish and cold. Conversely, if you sit on the same side, the negotiation will suddenly become a conversation between two parties with great respect for each. You can share ideas and seek solutions without the BIG elephant in the room – no tension.

Sitting side by side removes the air of confrontation and introduces an air of camaraderie and cooperation. When you sit on the same side, it means no one is looking for a fight but you are looking for mutual and free exchange of ideas in order to reach the same goal – making each other happy.

Step #4: Understand What They Want First

This step is crucial in every aspect of your personal growth and it’s an essential element of negotiation. This can be a hard step to grasp especially if you are an eager beaver and all you can think about is what you want. In fact, most of the literature I’ve read on negotiation encourages this maxim – focus on what you want so you can convince the other party to give in.

Again – not an effective approach. If you take the position of self-centeredness you will be speaking to a closed audience. The other party won’t be open to listening to you because they don’t feel as if you’ve listened to them – they don’t feel understood.

This is why you must seek first to understand what they want. This means you have to listen emphatically to their desires, needs, goals and concerns. This is not an empty disingenuous portrayal of listening – you actually have to listen so you can truly understand what they want. Further to that, you have to desire to truly listen otherwise, you won’t hear what is being said and even worse, you won’t hear what’s not being said.

When you truly seek to understand, you do not simply listen with the intent to reply or just to go through the motions. You should listen ardently with the intent to empathize and to help; ask follow up questions until you can clearly repeat to the other party exactly what they want and also what their main concerns are. Once you can do that you will be able to clearly point out how what you both want will benefit them and help them achieve their goal.

Step #5: Reveal Your Vision

Once you’ve shown the other party that you understand their needs and goals, they will be more than willing to openly listen to what you want. Now is the time to courageously reveal your vision. I say courageously because even in the face of adversity, you must be willing to put your stake in the ground as long as you believe it will be of benefit to both sides.

Do not let what the other party said sway you from your mission… you can modify your delivery based on what you’ve heard so far in the negotiations but the end in mind remains the same. Passionately and enthusiastically tell them your story – help them visualize why you believe this partnership can be a fruitful one.

Whatever you do, don’t deter from your original vision – the one you prepared so diligently. It may contain some elements that the other party objects to but you can work that out later. The point is to infect them with your fervent delivery – make them see what you see. The more clearly you can do that, the more open they will be.

Step #6: The Third Alternative

Chances are, depending on goals and how effective you were through step 5, the negotiation could be over with both sides walking away happy. However, if there are still some things to fine tune, step 6 and 7 are essential.

The Third Alternative says that you can work together to come up with something better than what you both originally thought of. This means that one party comes to the table with one set of goals and the other with another set that don’t quite meet each other’s expectations. Instead of going for confrontation and win/lose, the third alternative says let’s put our heads and our ideas together to create a better solution than what we thought of individually. In most cases this can be done.

Seeking creative solutions often bring out the best in people. You find that what you thought was important isn’t so important after all when compared to something of higher purpose and value. Seeking the third alternative makes you highly flexible and adaptable and in so doing, no one loses and everyone wins.

Step #7: No Deal is better Than a Raw Deal

What happens if you are unable to reach a consensus? What if there is no third alternative to be had? What do you do when the deal keeps breaking?

I am a big fan of “Win/Win or Walk Away.” The fact is that, no deal is better than a raw deal. At some point you have to be willing to walk away. For me, that point is when one of the parties is about to walk away with the lose side of the deal. I know that it may seem like a lofty goal to always achieve a win/win however, I do think it’s possible and in the cases where it’s not – I believe that the solution is to simply walk away.

Perhaps this is just bad timing. Why sour a budding relationship with a raw deal? At least if you walk away now, you leave the door open to try working together again later. If you allow one party to accept a raw deal, the relationship will be stagnated and the fruits will rot before you are able to enjoy them. If a deal cannot be struck, walk away.

Do YOU Have What It Takes to Become an Effective Negotiator?

I don’t know… do you? This is a question only YOU can answer for you. I wouldn’t presume to make such a prognosis from where I’m sitting. J

What I can tell you for sure is this.

It depends on what you consider effective negotiating. If you think that someone always has to win and the other has to lose, then you are off to a bad start. Many people will and do disagree with my definition of effective negotiation but I can guarantee you that these same people don’t form long-lasting and fruitful relationships with the people with whom they negotiate – I have and I do – even when we don’t reach a deal we can both be happy with the first time around.

So if you want to answer the question honestly, first decide if you believe this approach is the right approach and then commit to living by the principles. Then and only then do I believe you will be able to master the Killer Negotiation.

One thing I won’t tell you is that anyone can do it but I’m willing to bet that anyone smart can do it

Priority Power

“Get your priorities in order.” “Set your priorities straight.” “Perform your tasks in order of priority.” How often have you heard these statements thrown around? Do you understand what they really mean?

There is no doubt that prioritizing your objectives is important – it helps you get things done with much less frustration and in the time frame you desire. It’s a sure bet that you’ll stay more organized when you set priorities. The problem is that many people don’t really understand what it means to prioritize. It isn’t as simple as making the most urgent thing in your life the #1 priority; this is what many, if not most, people do.

Working in Corporate America, I’ve seen so many organizations, divisions and teams run a muck in the area of setting priorities and executing them. More often than not, they commit the mistake of making the most pressing task the #1 priority; sometimes, this is the right decision but often times it is not because the root cause of that pressing task is never addressed thereby causing a repeated cycle of addressing the symptom of the urgency.

Smart doctors will tell you that, you can always treat symptoms; however until you address the root cause of your ailment, you will most probably succumb to it over and over again (i.e. the common cold).

Think of it this way: A man goes to the doctor and complains of a migraine; the doctor prescribes a pill and the man feels better for a while. The next week, he comes in again with the same problem so the doctor prescribes another pill and again he feels better only to come back the following week with the same complaint. On his third visit, the doctor finally asks the man, “When do you begin to suffer these migraines?” The man replies, “Every time I think about my ex-wife” to which the doctor replied, “Sir, if you really want to cure your migraines for good, stop thinking about your ex-wife.”

Yes, I am over-simplifying for a reason – I want to make it clear that addressing symptoms never work; they are only temporary fixes and therefore not important priorities. They may be urgent for instant relief but not most important for complete relief. To cure any ailment for good, you must address the cause.

Why do I use this analogy? It’s because executing priorities require the same mindset. Before you simply make the most urgent thing in your life your #1 priority, first ponder why it is urgent in the first place. There’s a good chance that at the root of it, you’ll find a cause you can address to make this urgency go away permanently. I find that most urgent matters, with the exception of life and death, are not as important as we are conditioned to believe they are. More often than not, these matters are only urgent because of the failure to prioritize and plan effectively.

The fact is that not everything that is urgent is necessarily important and this is where many individuals go off track. For instance, you may be at home feeding your child who just got up from a long nap and in the middle of that, the telephone rings. The impulse is to answer the telephone simply because it’s ringing; the ringing makes it urgent but is it really more important than feeding your hungry child? Of course it’s not. The thing is though that many people would pause the feeding and answer the telephone which is a natural impulse that comes from our conditioning.

It still befuddles me how often I am in a meeting where the person I am meeting with continuously answers the telephone each time it rings. This is because it seems urgent, BUT, is it necessarily important – could it have waited? Of course it could have. There’s a good reason voice mail was invented.

The first rule of thumb then is to list your priorities in order of importance, not urgency. There is a clear difference between the two so think about it before you prioritize. The order of importance can take many forms and contexts.

For instance, in your personal life, you might list your priorities in the order of what is most important to you. At work, you may list your priorities in order of what is most important to your organization and its mission. I realize that you may not always have the luxury to do this freely at your workplace so just do the best you can.

The point is that feeding your child is always more important than answering the telephone unless you are expecting a phone call that is a matter of life and death. This of course does not mean that you never deal with urgent, yet unimportant matters before you deal with the important ones. There are times when we must do that; however, if you are aware that this is the case then chances are this urgency won’t become a repetitive cycle for you because you know that the more important priority is to address the root cause.

In many organizations and in the lives of individuals, the goal is to set priorities and then execute them one by one in that order. This approach, as illustrated in the preceding paragraphs, creates a major roadblock to getting things done. This is because your #1 priority is not always the task that gets done first; it is simply the most important of all the objectives you’ve set to achieve.

Here’s what I mean. Let’s say you have 3 objectives on your priority list for the week and you list them in order of the most important to the least important. Your list might look like this.

1.   Yoga and Meditation Class – Monday @ 8:00 AM

2.   Business Planning Session Process Meeting – Wednesday @ 10:00 AM

3.   Business Planning Session Presentation – due Thursday by 5:00 PM

Now, review this list and think about these items for a minute. Just looking at the priorities as they are which seems more important to you? Let’s look at it through a simple scenario.

Let’s say that Yoga and Meditation Class is what gets you psychologically ready for a grueling week at work; it prepares you to meet whatever challenges come head on and without fear. From your experience you know you always produce significantly better results when you make it a point to attend these classes.

Now let’s say that your boss calls you Sunday afternoon and says, “We’d like to get started early on the Business Planning Session Presentation and we’re calling a meeting for 8:00 AM Monday morning – can you make it?” What would you say? I know that the automatic impulse of most people is to skip the class and go in early. Think about it though… are you really doing your organization any good? Wouldn’t you be more productive if you went to your class and simply arrived a bit later to the meeting? Sure, it’s not easy to say no to the boss; however, if you’re going to do what’s best for your organization, the choice is pretty clear to me.

Simply tell your boss that due to a prior and most important appointment, you won’t be able to make it at 8:00; however, you understand that this is important and you will be there as soon as you possibly can. He may not like it but certainly he will respect your honesty and your courage. Of course, you know the climate within your organization better than I, so make your own call.

Let’s go a step further and say that you and your team have been trying to hammer out the Business Planning Presentation but it’s been a frustrating road because there is no clear process in place. Let’s also say that the Business Planning Process Meeting has been on the calendar for weeks and has gotten pushed back a few times. Now, with the looming deadline of the presentation, the team is asked (or ordered) to push back the processes meeting to make more time for hammering out the presentation.

What do you do? In some cases, I realize that the call won’t rest solely with you and you’ll simply comply with the request. If you did have some influence though, what might you do? Sure the presentation is important but it’s also clear that the frustration, the root cause impeding the completion of the presentation is the lack of a process. Since that is the case, that means that while the presentation is the most urgent, it is certainly not more important than creating the process by which it is executed. Once a process is in place, the frustration of creating the presentation goes away.

Ok, I know that was quite the long way around but I wanted to make a point. With this scenario in mind, it stands to reason that executing in order of priority doesn’t always work. It is better to set priorities and execute around them keeping in mind what is most important. In other words, even if you chose to push the processes meeting back again, you would be aware that the process must be established before you create the next presentation lest you repeat the same cycle. This is the definition of insanity – to continue doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results.

Priority Paralysis

Priority Paralysis is what happens when the most urgent thing automatically becomes the top priority. In essence, your exercise of prioritizing goes out the window because the most important priorities are constantly subordinated to the next urgent thing. It is easy to get caught up in the “activity trap” only to find that you’ve accomplished nothing that to set out to.

To avoid Priority Paralysis, you must list your priorities in the order of importance and then execute around them no matter what. If you find that you consistently repeat the same cycle of urgency with particular tasks, pause and review and then address the root cause – this is more important.

I realize that in some cases it will be harder to do this – if you have a very demanding job where the status quo is king, it may be near impossible; still, if you want to achieve at a high level, you must list your priorities in order of importance and then execute around them. Make sure that the most important objectives are not repeatedly subordinated to urgent and less important ones.

Priority Power

Priority Power is what happens when you set clear priorities in order of importance and then execute around them. This is when you understand that even though the most important task is not the first to be completed, that you are aware that completing it is top priority.

To develop Priority Power, practice to address problems at the root cause; endeavor to forego the ringing telephone and feed the baby. Know when to say no to an urgent request that is not as important as the priorities you’ve set. The more you practice, the easier it will become especially after you’ve experienced the profound and positive results you will undoubtedly achieve.

It may seem daunting at first to operate in this fashion but I promise you that if you put Priority Power into practice, you will see immediate and positive differences in your life, both personally and professionally. List your priorities in order of importance and then execute around them.

Where to Begin

I understand that this could be quite a circuitous road, especially if you’ve never tried this before. That noted here’s a brief outline of where you can begin your thought process in developing Priority Power.

Firstly, you may want to start by thinking from a macro frame of mind and decipher the priorities of your life. The reason for this is that, you will achieve greater success if your other priorities are closely aligned with your life’s priorities. The more closely aligned they are, the greater your chances of high-level success.

Once you’re comfortable with the priorities you’ve set for your life, you can begin to drill down from there into, career, volunteering, faith, softball coaching and so on.

Hey Dean, what about if I’m in a job where I don’t get to influence many decisions; what if for the most part people just do as directed? This will undoubtedly happen in some cases; however, you are not without a choice. You can still choose to prioritize what’s most important for you to achieve in that job.

For instance, perhaps you continue to execute as everyone else does the urgent but unimportant matters; however, your top priority may be to convince the senior management staff that there is a better more efficient way to do things. If you’re committed, I’m sure you can achieve the results you desire.

In the worst case scenario (or best case depending on how you look at it), you may even decide to walk away from a job or something else because it doesn’t align closely enough to the priorities you’ve set for yourself. I have done that on a couple of occasions and I haven’t regretted my decisions yet and don’t think I ever will.

Stop wasting your time living on the fire truck everyday and start living on the golf course.

What's Worse Than Failure?

Pondering the title of this article, many people may not be able to think of anything worse than failure right away... except perhaps, death. If you think about it for a while though some other thoughts may pop into your head.

For me, this is a profound topic when it comes to living up to your full potential because I know that the fear of failure is quite common. Many people fail to act because they are afraid of failing... or are they?

It's been my experience, more often than not, that many people aren't necessarily afraid of failing per se but are really afraid of the perceived stigma of failure. In other words, they fear the perceived societal backlash of failure. They do not want to see the world look back at them in disapproval or disappointment – they want to be accepted. This perception drives the motivation to stay still because the perception is that if you remain still and do nothing, you won’t fail. The other part that comes with staying still though is that doing nothing also produces nothing, except the status quo.

Fear of failure cause many people to fight hard to keep the status quo. They believe that as long as nothing changes, they have nothing to fear. It is easier to go in the same direction as the current than it is to swim against it – no one wants to be a salmon. The problem with this position is that even though you are afraid of change, change continues to happen around you constantly and sooner or later, you will have to move or get run over. No greatness has ever been achieved without the will to be a salmon – without the courage to observe the masses and do the opposite.

In fact, the history of the world's greatness is built on many failures. The power of failure lies within the lesson. Did you learn anything from your failure and how will you apply what it taught you the next time? You see, your failures only remain just that if you miss the lesson that lies within and there is undoubtedly always a lesson or two that you need to learn in order to achieve success.

Remember that Christopher Columbus was looking for the Far East when he stumbled onto the Caribbean Islands and what is now the United States of America. What an absolute blunder in direction that was? That failure though led to Christopher Columbus' greatness. He never did find the coast of China; however, he passionately pursued is dream and it changed the history of sea explorations forever. He inspired many other explorers through his perseverance and courage.

Another example is Sir Alexander Flemings’ accidental penicillin discovery which came after many failed attempts to find an antiseptic for treating battle wounds that didn’t endanger the patients. Dr. Fleming believed that there had to be a better way to treat the wounds of soldiers without them succumbing to death in the process. Though he was looking for a better antiseptic, he discovered something better – the first antibiotic which revolutionized medicine and how we treat wounds.

Both great men in pursuit of a dream - something they believed in and we would not know their names today had they not taken action.

The point is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with failing as long as you learn from it. In fact, failure is imperative to success and I don't think you can achieve much success if you've never failed at anything. I have personally failed way more times than I have succeeded; however I've always done my best to grasp the lesson and apply it the next time. It may take several tries but what the heck; the fun is in the pursuit of greatness anyway.

So what's worse than failure?

Inaction is far worse than failure... in fact inaction is far worse than anything else you can think of. Just imagine what life is like for a paraplegic and then multiply that by 10,000. They are unable to do much to help themselves – how agonizing do you imagine that is? Now if you are a capable person and you choose inaction – what does that make you? It may sound harsh but I think you’ll agree that makes you a worthless lump. That is of course if you want to achieve success – if you are in pursuit of greatness. If not, be my guest and enjoy the status quo in mediocrity.

It still befuddles (and saddens) me how many people I talk to on a daily basis, who refuse to act out of fear. These are not feeble-minded individuals either; these are well-schooled and smart individuals. The point is that fear of failure cripples you. When you let fear lead, you will always be unable to act. This is why true leadership takes courage because you have to act especially in the face of fear.

I've talked to, counseled and mentored many individuals who refuse to pursue their dreams and goals because they are afraid of the stigma of failing. This happens even when all the tools and resources are available. What I often hear are a myriad of excuses and justifications as to why it's not the right time to act. My answer is always the same "If not now, when?"

When is the right time to act?

This question has a very simple answer; however many people attempt to rationalize why they don't act as opposed to admitting their fear. The right time to act is always when you're ready to – not one minute before or after. Your readiness will depend on your independent thought; on what you believe in and what you desire to achieve. Only you can answer these questions and thus determine your readiness to take action.

Action does not require external stimuli before it happens – that's reaction. What you need is pro-action which requires your readiness and willingness to act because you believe in something. It doesn't matter in what state the world is or how your finances look; if you believe in something and you have a true desire to achieve it, the only thing left to do is to act.

If you choose inaction, nothing will happen. Whatever you believe in and whatever you desire will simply become a fantasy all because you did not act. Your circumstances have nothing to do with the outcome - your choice not to act does.

On the other hand, what if you choose to act on your belief, to go after your desires? It is guaranteed that something will happen if you choose to act. Sure, the outcome may very well be a failure and you may not meet your objectives this time; however, just think of all you will have learned. Additionally, how much fun will you have had in exercising your freedom to choose to follow your dream? This, in my view, is absolutely priceless. Through the many failures I have had, I don’t regret any part of the experiences... they were fun and I learned a whole lot too.

Let me share a scenario of how one little act can make a whole lot of difference.

I was on the subway one morning in New York City when an unstable man came on the train yelling and screaming at another passenger. He threatened to stab her in the head several times and when she ignored him he got even more irate. At this point the man began to make lewd gestures towards other passengers and threatened to stab them as well. As I glanced around the train car I could see how tense everyone was, most ignoring the man and trying hard not to look in his direction. My impulse was to do the same because let's face it, the man was scary.

In my gut though I was feeling a ping - I felt like I had to do something. I believed that what this man was doing was not only wrong but very dangerous. I thought to myself, "What if my daughters were on this train, wouldn't I want someone to do something? Wouldn’t I like to think that I raised them with good character principles that would compel them to do something?" With that thought in mind and the ping in my gut, I decided to act.

Now don't let your imagination run wild, I'm no Jet Li. As much as I played the scene in my head where I took this guy down in 2 moves and subdued him without harming him or anyone else, that's not how it played out... no movie heroics from me. I told you I was scared... just as afraid as any of the other passengers but I wasn't about to let my fear cripple me; I couldn't let it stop me from taking action on something I believed in.

So, instead of movie heroics, I opted for the path of least resistance. Being a big Law & Order fan, I took note of the man's features and what he was wearing right down to the dirty Nike sneakers with the 2 scuff marks on the back of the right heel and the gray jacket with the tear at the rotator-cuff. I then got off the train at the next stop and quickly ran to the station clerk at the booth and got her attention. I explained the situation to her and provided a thorough description of the man while she relayed it to police officers at the next 2 station stops.

Now while there were no movie heroics, the man was pulled off the train by the police 2 stops from where I got off and the threat was no more. Can you imagine the relief of those passengers? I know I would be relieved if I were on that train.

Now imagine if I or someone else did nothing? The situation could have gone so many other ways - many of them unpleasant. This man could have easily lost it and went off on the passengers and then you would only see the news headline that a crazy man went on a rampage and stabbed several people on a New York City subway killing two and injuring nine.

The point of telling you this story is not to paint me as a white knight. It is simply to illustrate the significant difference one simple act can make when you believe in something. I simply acted because I believed it was the right thing to do. I would not have been able to sleep knowing that I did nothing when I know I could have done something, especially if I had to read an awful headline like the fictitious one outlined above. I don't think that would sit well with you either.

I know that I'm beating you in the head with this but if you've read the article to this point, I think you understand why by now. The greatest failure is the failure to act. If you believe in something, if you have a dream and you fail to act, you have suffered the greatest failure and it will remain just that for as long as you choose to do nothing.

In case you haven't gotten it by now... I'll spell it out this way. Failure is a choice and so is success. This is why when you try and fail, you can choose to try again. Choosing to try means you've chosen to accept the possibility of failure. Learning the lessons of your failure and choosing to try again so you can apply those lessons means you've made a choice to succeed. It's all up to you... your choice.

Action in the face of fear is true courage.