Have you ever heard of or read about these 3 A’s? It has been said that they are absolutely imperative to human success. Many experts believe that we all seek these in everything we do; that they drive our behavior. I happen to agree.
The trouble with Acceptance, Appreciation & Approval arises because most people don’t understand the correct way these apply to their lives. Most people do not understand that these 3 A’s are about self-awareness and personal growth. This is the reason why most of us continue to look outward to solve our problems instead of where we should be looking – inward.
I once moderated a panel discussion addressing ways to move up in a down economy and each of the panelists in one way or another kept saying “know thy self.” It seemed to be a crucial piece to moving forward – knowing who you are, what you want and where you want to go. This is all about self-awareness.
The point is that only through self-awareness will others come to know the true and authentic you. Only through raising your self-awareness can your success reach its true potential. Only through raising your self-awareness can you improve in your personal growth. These statements are true because the more aware you are of who you are, what you want and where you want to go, the better you can plan, prepare and expect to achieve the results you desire.
What you know, you can act on – what you don’t know acts on you.
Let’s take a look at how Acceptance, Appreciation and
Approval apply to the powerful principles of self-awareness.
Acceptance
To accept is to recognize, understand and believe in something or someone. In seeking acceptance of self, you must understand first that it has nothing to do with the outside world and everything to do with you. You must truly accept who you are, what you want and where you want to go. You have to own it.
In order to experience the joy and power of true acceptance, it must come from within. Most people look to the outside for acceptance; by their parents, by their peers, by their teachers, by their colleagues, etc. The truth is that no amount of outer acceptance can ever replace or even come close to inner acceptance.
Outer acceptance is based on the persona you project and not the real you – not the authentic you. Once you seek acceptance from the outside, your behavior changes to please those from whom you seek it. It doesn’t matter whether your behavior is aligned with your core values or beliefs; you simply perform for your audience which does not include you.
This is why no matter how many people accept you; it will always create pressure for you to keep up if you don’t accept you. It means that you are not acting and behaving naturally but instead projecting a false persona – a fake you. At this level, acceptance can never be true and authentic because you are not true and authentic. The moment you change, they will no longer accept you and you will feel dejected and worthless.
True self-acceptance is about you recognizing, understanding and believing in you. When you do this, others will follow suit; for those that do not accept you, their opinion won’t matter. The truth is that people’s opinion of you is none of your business.
If you are living the life you want to live by the values you wish to live, that is all that counts. Accept who you are and learn to live with the consequences. The good news is that you can change of your own volition. If there is something going on with you that you don’t like, it is your choice to change it.
Until you accept the true and authentic you, it will be hard
for you to change, hard for you to improve and near impossible for you to
achieve the results you desire. If you can raise your awareness about who you
are, what you want and where you want to go, the path before you becomes
illuminated with possibilities beyond your imagination. Self-awareness is vital
because the more you know about yourself, the easier it is for you to create
the correct plans and take right actions.
Appreciation
To appreciate is to receive, acknowledge and show gratitude
for something or someone.
Appreciation follows acceptance because only through self-acceptance can you truly appreciate who you are.
The same doctrine holds true in that unless you truly appreciate you, others will not. Certainly, others may appreciate the persona you project and the things you do while under that guise; however, it won’t be long before the shell crumbles and the true you is revealed. Once that happens, you will be seen as a fraud.
Once again, seeking appreciation from the outside only perpetuates false self – it does not allow the true and authentic you to come to light. It is a great feeling for others to appreciate you and what you do; however, it is far more powerful if you appreciate yourself because the fulfillment and the return will be greater.
If you do things simply to appease others or to show good face regardless of where they fit in your values, your heart will not be clean. You will simply be playing a tit for tat game of the need to be liked. True and authentic appreciation of yourself and what you do means that you are ok even when you must do things that others do not like. As long as your actions are in line with your values and beliefs and you are taking right action – your integrity will be in tact and far more appreciated.
Once you discover true self-acceptance, you can truly appreciate your gifts and talents. It doesn’t mean that you win at everything – it just means that your level of self-appreciation is high. I didn’t say arrogance – I said self-appreciation which means that you receive your gifts; you acknowledge them and show gratitude for them every day. You do not abuse, squander nor corrode them in the pursuit of public affection and popularity.
True appreciation must come from within in order to reach your full potential. For only then can the real you flourish. If the appreciation of you comes from the outside world, then your actions will reflect the values of the outside world in an effort to increase their appreciation. It won’t matter what your values and beliefs are – only theirs since their appreciation is the driver of your behavior.
You must learn to appreciate yourself first so that you know
the values and beliefs you want to personify and have others appreciate about
you. You either steer your own ship or others will – it’s that simple.
Approval
To approve is to endorse, support and commend someone or something. Approval follows acceptance and appreciation because only through self-acceptance and self-appreciation can you truly approve of who you are and what you do.
Again, the same doctrine holds true; if you seek for others to approve you, your behavior will conform until they do. You will transform yourself into someone other than the true and authentic you as long as you receive approval from whom you seek.
Approval is hard because many of us are in situations where we don’t technically get to approve our actions before we take them. The fact is though that this is your choice. It doesn’t matter if you are at work where your boss calls the shots. If you are asked to do something that you don’t personally approve of – you don’t have to be there – and you can refuse. I’m not naïve – I know you may need your job. My point is that you do have a choice that only you can make.
For me, I know that I don’t like doing anything that is not aligned with my values and beliefs. I cannot approve of doing something that I believe is wrong. Have I ever? Sure – BUT – I made the necessary changes as quickly as possible so that I wouldn’t have to repeat it. Also, it depends entirely on what action I have to take. If the action damages or hinders others in their growth and/or livelihood, the decision for me is clear – I don’t do it.
The truth is that you only need your approval for who you are and what you do. Your inner compass should guide your actions. Whether others approve of you and what you do or not are irrelevant if you can’t look at yourself in the mirror and say “I love you.”
Self-approval is much more powerful than public approval because if you don’t approve of you, you cannot act on your true desires. You will continue to be a puppet in the puppet masters game – the public. When others dictate your behavior, the benefits you receive will be for them and not you. The seeds you sow will reap their crops at the harvest while you starve.
Endorse, support and commend who you are, what you want and where you want to go and your actions will reflect your true and authentic self. The only approval that matters is yours.
Powerful
Principles in Self-awareness
These are powerful principles in self-awareness. Acceptance, Appreciation and Approval are very important to your personal growth and success but only if you truly understand how they apply to your life. When these are inwardly achieved, the results are vastly better than when you seek them outwardly. There is no problem that you have that can be solved by looking outside; it all starts with you and what you do. It doesn’t mean that external stimuli don’t exist; it simply means that they do not dictate who you are or what you do or how you behave – you do.
To the
degree that you become self-aware, your success will reflect the same. The
results you achieve in your life are based on what you believe about yourself
and the choices you make because of it.
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