Powerful Principles of Personal Growth

How to Consistently Achieve the Results You Desire

Have you ever noticed how some people almost always achieve the results they desire? How about you – do you often have the same kind of experience in your endeavors? If you do, that is an awesome thing! 

Most people, unfortunately, do not consistently achieve the results they desire. I am not trying to damper your mood; however, this is the simple truth. If you were to take a quick assessment, I am sure you too would conclude the same. Perhaps you’ve even noticed that you are consistently achieving undesired results in your own life. 

The good news is that there is hope for the leaders among us – you too can absolutely experience the thrill of achieving your goals on a consistent basis. Most probably, and if you have half a brain, you are not consistently seeing the results you desire because you are focused on the wrong things. Your energy is spent on the wrong activities and therefore, the results you achieve are not what you want. 

Following are my best insights on how to consistently achieve the results you desire. These 5 keys have always worked for me and I have also seen it work tremendously for others. There is no doubt that you will experience a profound, positive and impacting shift in the results you begin to achieve once you master these disciplines.

 

Key #1 – Know the objective

In order to consistently achieve the results you desire, you must know what your objective is. What is it that you are trying to accomplish? So often I observe individuals who fly by the seat of their pants and hope that things turn out well. 

If you want to make sure that you don’t waste yours and other people’s time, make sure that you know what the mission is. Have a clear picture in your mind as to what the end result is supposed to be. With this in mind, it will certainly help you make better decisions on the tools, resources and people you need to get the job done. 

If you are sketchy on the objective then the results you achieve will ultimately be sketchy as well. There is no way around it; of course you may find that occasionally, you end up where you’re supposed to flying blind; however, that because other people were removing the roadblocks. The day someone doesn’t show up for duty, you’re toast. 

The point is, the clearer you are on the objective, the better the choices you will make and the more likely it will be that you will achieve the results you desire. There is no question that the difference in the results you achieve will be significant if you simply know the objective. 

 

Key #2 – Create an action plan

Once you are crystal clear on your objective, it’s time to create an action plan. Achieving the results you desire on a consistent basis requires that you plan your moves. Every action you take towards your goal must be deliberate. Individuals who are successful at achieving the best results plan every move they make; they leave nothing to chance.

If you want to be part of this group, you must do the same. Just imagine the frustration that might ensue if you try to get to a new destination without the proper map or GPS to guide you. How many times do you need to get lost before you ask for directions or look them up? 

Objectives require planning and plan you must if you want to be successful. Your action plan is your guide; it tells you what actions to take next and also where you are in proximity to your goal. Your action plan is also where you place your dates and deadlines for meeting your objectives.

Individuals who consistently achieve the results they desire have no illusions about what is going on or where they are in their action plan. They keep a bird’s eye view on the process at all times; again, nothing is left to chance. 

If you don’t create an action plan, then your moves become random and that can quickly become confusing. Often people end up going round and round in circles when their actions are randomized. Disorganization and chaos quickly set in and the objective is usually left behind in the dust. 

When you have a clear objective and an action plan to match, your decisions become easier and your moves are much more precise. Your thoughts are uncluttered and your mind is fixed on the desired result.

  

Key #3 – Develop a flexible strategy

Objective – check… action plan – check… now it’s time to strategize. 

Without a good strategy, even the best laid plans will fail. You must develop a flexible strategy that will take you to your objective in the quickest, most efficient and effective way possible. 

By flexible, I mean that your plan must be easily adaptable. You have to be prepared to change your strategy mid-stream if some other factors change in the process. A great strategy is one that is built with anticipation of the unexpected. 

If this sounds like too tall a feat for you, don’t worry – there is a sure way to ensure that your strategy is as flexible as it can be. 

Many people develop strategies based mainly on a short-term view; the steps and tactics used are ones that may get you to the objective but then if something changes mid-process, it’s hard to adapt. A short-term view is only based on the things you can see and the factors that are presented. They do nothing for anticipating changes or preparedness is dealing with other factors that arise down the road. 

The best way to develop a flexible strategy is to ensure that it is grounded in correct principles – aligned with natural law. The steps and tactics then become merely the byproducts of the strategy meaning that the underlying principles of your strategy never change; however, the steps and tactics easily can. With your strategy built on the backbone of principles, it makes your decisions regarding the steps you take and tactics you use easier.

What exactly do I mean by developing a strategy grounded in correct principles? I am glad you asked. 

Here’s the deal… 

If we look at the Law of Momentum which says that one courageous action taken over and over again only gets easier, bigger and better as time goes on – it can easily tell you where to spend your time. Your strategy may include many different steps and tactics; however, you may find that one or two in particular yield much greater results more efficiently and in a more effective manner. What do you do? Do you continue to give the working strategies the same amount of time and energy or do you increase them on these and reduce on others that do not work so well? 

You may be surprised to know how many people don’t even think this is important. It’s as if you are given a budget for a particular project with fixed monies allocated to different tasks and no matter how much more productive doing one of these tasks is, the money manager won’t move funds around to provide more support for the more productive option. That is crazy to me – BUT – that’s just me. 

The point is that when you develop a strategy based on correct principles, it becomes much easier to change the steps and tactics you take and use to achieve your objective. The result is what matters most – how you get there is an evolving animal. That is why your strategy needs to be grounded in correct principles so that the how is only compiled of right action and nothing adverse that will undoubtedly come back to haunt you.

 

Key #4 – Execute Efficiently

Efficient execution is often overlooked or underplayed when it comes to achieving objectives. This is because the term is often misunderstood or not used at all in any form. 

To execute efficiently, you must understand exactly what it will take to achieve the results you desire. Although these can change as the process evolves, it is important that you make it a point to understand the tools, resources and people you will need. If you understand these, you will know exactly what to do, when to do it and whom should do it. 

Part of efficient execution involves knowing your strengths and weaknesses. For the parts of the strategy where your strengths apply, spend most of your personal time in these areas. For the parts of the strategy where you are weaker, employ others, use resources – simply put – ask for help. 

As Stephen R. Covey puts it, “the true pinnacle of excellence does not lie in our independence but in our interdependence.” The better and more effectively we can work with others, the greater the results we will achieve. 

If you want to execute your strategy efficiently, make it a priority to know how and where the pieces fit. Know whom to delegate different tasks to and also when to employ different tools and resources. The better you are at this, the better your execution and the better the results you will yield.

 

Key #5 – Smash the status quo

If you want to be in the class of individuals that consistently achieve the results they desire, observe the masses and do the opposite. Individuals who fight to keep the status quo create nothing greater than themselves – that’s a fact. This doesn’t mean that the current process isn’t working – it just means that you are the type of person that is always looking for more creative and effective ways to do something. 

Seth Godin, one of my favorite authors, calls these types of individuals “heretics” – the leaders of tomorrow. 

Be a heretic; the status quo is there for the risk averse – the people who accept mediocrity. The status quo is also there for leaders like you to smash to bits with the next great idea. 

The reason this is important in consistently achieving the results you desire is because not all strategies work – not all plans come to fruition. Knowing that you can do things differently is what separates winners from losers. Just because something didn’t work doesn’t mean it can’t – it simply means you need to modify your plan and/or your strategy. 

There nothing worse than doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. That’s the Japanese definition of insanity – it’s also mine because I think that’s nuts. 

If you are not willing to learn from your mistakes and failings, change the things you need to and lead with creativity and passion, it will be very difficult for you to consistently achieve the results you desire. Don’t fool yourself into believing that failure is anything but and event from which you can learn and grow. If you are not going to change, you might as well stop trying right now. You’d only be wasting your time achieving nothing worthwhile; just the same old misery. 

Simply going with the flow and upholding the status quo is like living in a box; and if you live in a box, you think in a box. If these are the results you desire – no worries – you just wasted about 10 minutes of your mediocre life. If however you want to achieve great things, endeavor to learn, change and grow. You will undoubtedly achieve the results you desire much more consistently.

The Law of Attraction Exposed

The Law of Attraction is probably one of the most written about principles and there is no doubt that it is warranted. Not just because it is an absolute truth but also because many people still have no clue how it applies to their lives. Many people still don’t understand how this natural law works or even that it works at all. 

Firstly, whether you believe that the law of attraction works or not is absolutely irrelevant. Why? Because it simply does not matter that you believe it or not – it merely exists. It is a principle – a natural law and therefore it exists and functions infinitely and indefinitely with or without your belief in it. It affects you every single second of every day whether you want it to or not. 

Secondly, how the law of attraction affects you is absolutely up to you. While you are not able to control the function of any principle, you can certainly influence how they affect you. This is your choice whether you know it or not – it is entirely up to you how the law of attraction plays into your life. 

That being said, here are 4 elements to help you understand how the law of attraction works and how you can influence its role in your life.

 

1. We are not necessarily what we think about

Contrary to what many believe, we are not necessarily what we think about. The reason for this is that we often think things that we don’t truly believe. Simply thinking about something does not cause it to manifest in your life; you have to truly believe it. 

When teachers and scholars say, “we are what we think about”, it is actually an incomplete statement. The missing piece of that is the part about belief. Do you really believe the things that you think about? What ever thoughts are hard-wired into your core will manifest in your life. Often you will find people confused about the things that occur in their lives simply because they do not understand that their true beliefs are the cause. 

It doesn’t matter what you think if you don’t believe it.

 

2. We are whatever frequency we generate

Just as it is certain that we are not necessarily what we think about, it is certain that we are and become whatever frequency we generate. To the degree that you emit certain energy, the manifestation will match. 

Simply put, if you think about something that you absolutely believe your energy will also send out the same signal thereby attracting other like signals to you. This is the power of the law of attraction. Like energy attracts like energy – not just like thinking – but like frequency. 

It is no different than the way police radios work; they all have to be on the same channel generating the same frequency otherwise they won’t be able to communicate. What often clutters up and/or distorts this frequency is our disbelief. 

Think about Murphy’s Law for a second…

This is a myth that says that whatever can go wrong will; it is usually applied when your day starts on what is in your eyes a bad note. From that moment on you begin to believe that every thing else in your day will go wrong and so it does. The truth is that there is no Murphy’s Law – this is simply the Law of Attraction in action. 

You see, no matter how many good thoughts you think during this day that started on a bad note for you, it won’t matter if your belief and your frequency don’t match. In fact, your level of frustration may go through the roof as you begin to wonder what the hell you’re doing wrong. After all, you’ve had nothing but positive thoughts all day and yet – CRAP keeps on happening. 

The real question you should be asking in a situation like this is – did I really believe the positive thoughts I was thinking? Was my energy truly positive or was I just masking my true beliefs?

The law of attraction doesn’t care what you think – only what you believe which dictates the frequency you generate.

 

3. We receive what we believe

Haven’t you ever heard someone say “I’ll believe it when I see it?” perhaps you’ve even said it yourself. This is not true of course. Contrary to popular belief, “seeing is not believing – believing is seeing.” 

We receive what we believe. This is often the missing piece of the puzzle for those who would believe that the law of attraction is bogus. They often put sight before faith. Nothing manifests without first having belief present – this is a natural law – a universal principle. If you don’t believe something is going to change in your life, nothing will. If something does change in your life that you truly did not believe would, it was influenced by others and it certainly won’t last beyond their beliefs. 

Your belief is absolutely crucial to the results and things that manifest in your life. There is no point is simply thinking about things and changes if you do not believe they will happen. If you believe they won’t – it pretty much a certainty that you are right.

 

4. Thought follows belief

How the law of attraction affects you is strictly up to you. This is because you can control what you believe and the thoughts that enter your brain. Sure, it takes some practice to shut off the unwanted thoughts; however, with practice, you will get better. 

Besides, the more important factor is to focus on what you truly believe. A good way to start this process is to go with bite-sized chunks at first. In other words, don’t think about becoming president of the company while you are an assistant manager – it may be hard for you to believe. Instead, think about what the next promotion would be like to manager and then focus on what it will take to make it happen. Being a much more attainable goal – it will be instantly more believable. 

After you’ve had a few successes under your belt – start stretching your dreams a bit further each time. The goal is to ensure that your thoughts follow your beliefs. Make sure that you really believe the thoughts you entertain otherwise it will be difficult to manifest them physically.

You have the power to choose your beliefs and your thoughts so focus on making them the right ones.

How to Achieve Your Goals – Plan, Prepare and Expect

Have you ever wondered… wished… dreamed... but get nowhere really fast? What’s stopping you? What is really standing between you and your goals; your dreams? 

If you really want to achieve your goals; cause your wonders, wishes and dreams to manifest, what is holding you back? 

Many people believe that people who consistently achieve their goals are often lucky and/or inherently ordained with some magical success juice… aka “pixie dust.” Some people even believe that you must be born of a certain stature and in a certain environment to guarantee success in life. It seems all too simple when I put it like this; however, if you think about it, you will realize that you’ve either thought this way or know people who have (and do). 

The truth is that there is no magic juice (pixie dust) and there is no genetic make up that dictates one person’s success versus another. Would it surprise you to discover that your success rests entirely in your hands? No matter what has happened in your past or what you might be facing at this very moment, your future is completely up to you and what you make of it. 

The great Zig Ziglar put it this way and I often ask my audience before I begin a talk or workshop. 

If you can answer yes to these 4 questions…

1. Is there something specific that you can do today that can absolutely make your personal and professional life worse?

2. Is there something specific that you can do today that can absolutely make your personal and professional life better?

3. Do you believe that it is a choice? 

4. Do you believe that every choice has an end result? 

…here’s what you’ve basically said whether you realize it or not. 

I don’t care what has happened in my past; I don’t even care what is going on in my life right now. I know that there is something specific I can do today that will make my life better or worse and the choice is mine. 

Now that is a beautiful feeling – wouldn’t you say. 

In my experience, one of the major roadblocks in achieving goals has always been the lack of a good roadmap. I have mentored and coached so many individuals who simply could not begin to realize their true gifts and talents simply because they had no blueprint to guide them. The vicious cycle of frustration will always continue until you find the b-line that leads out of the disorganization and chaos. 

Don’t underestimate the impact of disorganization and chaos; simply having disorganized and chaotic thoughts can send you down a circuitous path to nowhere very quickly. 

The only difference between you and truly successful people is that they understand the significance of 3 key elements when it comes to achieving goals. They recognize the importance of Planning, Preparation and Expectation. 

In order to consistently achieve the results you desire, you must endeavor to Plan, Prepare and Expect them to happen. Truly successful people are not lucky; rather, they create their own luck! 

I have heard people say that prayer resolves all things but the real truth is that prayer without action produces exactly what you had before you prayed – NOTHING! Any kind of thought without deliberate action moves nothing in your favor. It all sounds great; however, if you don’t act, manifestation cannot occur. 

Understanding the 3 key elements in achieving your goals and how they apply will undoubtedly help you to consistently garner the results you desire.

  

Plan

Without a plan, you will not know how to move, when to move or what to move towards. Even in broad daylight you would be no more apt than a bat if you have no map to guide you. If you truly want to achieve at the highest level, take the time to formulate a plan that is aligned with your goals. 

If you know who you are and where you want to go, your next step has to be planning exactly how you will get there. 

Have you ever heard “busy people” say I’ve got places to go and people to see? The difference between these people and truly successful people is that successful people also have places to go and people to see; however, successful people know exactly why they are going to see these people and why they are going to places they are going. There is nothing surprising or accidental about their actions – they are deliberate. 

In order to remove frustration and chaos from your path, you must have a plan in place to guide you. Your plan is your roadmap – it tells you exactly where you are in your journey so that you know exactly what you must do next in order to achieve your goals. 

Truly successful people don’t just plan for today or tomorrow, they put a plan together for the long term. Eventually, their plan evolves to include the next generation and perhaps a few down the road. In fact, I don’t know any truly successful people that aren’t always planning. Planning is the cornerstone of results; if you don’t plan for the results you desire, how can you achieve them? Certainly you may do it by default once or twice; however, without a real blueprint in place, your lucky days are numbered. 

Simply put, if you fail to plan, plan to fail.   

Prepare

If you do not prepare, your plan will count for naught. Planning alone is not enough because you can plan forever and if you never make a move; your plan becomes a theory. 

In order to bring your plan to life, you must prepare and be prepared. Whatever your plan dictates, you must not only be prepared to take the actions but also to deal with the consequences of those actions. In fact, to the degree that you are prepared, your plan will succeed. 

Only through preparation can you realize the full potential of your plan. This is not as easy as it may sound so I’m going to share a few examples with you. 

A man says he intends to run the New York City Marathon in the next 8 months. Although he is not a trained long-distanced runner, he has challenged himself to finish in record time. He puts a plan together that outlines the resources he needs and actions he needs to take in order to prepare for the marathon. 

Let’s say that he finds a sponsor, starts an appropriate diet, buys all the neat gear but he does no training whatsoever; what do you suppose will happen when it’s time to run? 

Do you think he will be prepared? 

Of course not! He did everything – except – the most important thing – he didn’t train for the race. If he didn’t train and he is not a runner, his body will not be able to withstand the physical ardor of the marathon. The record, I can assure you, will elude him. 

In another scenario, let’s say a career woman intends to find the man of her dreams. She looks deep within herself in search of the qualities that she desires in a mate. Focused, driven, ambitious, loving, devoted, honest and romantic are just some of the characteristics that come to mind. 

Now suppose she continues to devote most of her time to her career, dates multiple men every once in a while and fills her network with mostly on-the-job colleagues; what do you suppose are her chances of landing the mate she desires. That’s right, almost nil. Sure, some women may eventually land that special someone under these conditions but at what cost? 

The fact is, at this rate, she would not be prepared to find let alone receive such a mate. Simply saying you want a mate without making room in your life and preparing to receive one is just not enough. It won’t happen. 

Preparation requires that you make the necessary changes and take the necessary actions in order to execute your plan. If you want to improve upon your personal growth but yet have no desire to change, there is simply no point. You cannot grow personally unless you change something you are currently doing. In order to do that, you must first plan and then prepare by making choices and taking actions to that end.

 

Expect

If you don’t expect it to happen, it won’t. Unless you are expecting the results you desire to manifest in your life, they absolutely will not – at least not at the level you want them to. 

The truth is that you reap more than you sow and that goes both ways. 

If you have any doubt about the results you expect, you will half-ass your plan which will cause you to take half-assed actions which will consequently produce half-assed results. Once you have a plan in place and you prepare by making choices and taking action, you must expect to get exactly what you planned and prepared for. It is natural law that the universe returns to you in abundance and more than what you put out. 

If your plan is sound, your choices are clear and your actions are deliberate, I guarantee you will produce a result of equal or greater value.  

Look, if I write a check knowing I don’t have the cash in the bank to cover it, I expect it to bounce – plain and simple. The same holds true for the other way around. If you stick to your plan and consistently follow through in the preparation, your goals will manifest as long as you expect them to. 

This doesn’t mean that things always go as planned – that would be naïve thinking. I am simply saying that you cannot expect a particular result if you have not planned or prepared for it. Expectation follows planning and preparedness. 

If you do not have a roadmap, your thoughts are in disarray and your moves are disorganized then you should realistically expect the results you achieve to resemble that picture. 

Do not be unrealistic with your expectations; just because you expect something doesn’t mean it will manifest. If you have not put in the appropriate time to plan and prepare accordingly, don’t expect much. If your expectations are not in line with your actions, prepare to be disappointed. 

When you do not plan and prepare yet you expect great things to happen, that’s called imposing on others. If you expect others to deliver what you want without any work on your part, your expectations will be unrealistic.

 

Growth by Design

There is nothing accidental about what happens to truly successful people who achieve at a high level. It is a deliberate result of a sound plan, thorough preparation and realistic expectation. 

If you are creating and delivering value in any way, you can realistically expect a correlating or exceeding reward. This is natural law – this principle does not change. 

Achieving your goals requires a specific design of a plan in order to take the first step. The results you desire in your personal growth and your life will not show up in a Cracker Jack box; you have to plan and prepare for them. Only then can you realistically expect them to manifest. 

Successful growth occurs through design and if you want to guide and control what happens as you grow, I strongly suggest you begin designing your action plan right now. If you don’t, I can guarantee you that the results you desire will become fantasy and never see the light of day. 

Successful people are not special simply because they are successful; they are special because of the road they walked to get there. They put in the work; they plan; they prepare and they expect – CONSTANTLY!

 

How to Set Goals

I use to truck through the year trying to achieve New Year’s resolutions that I had set since the last Christmas holiday. It seemed like a good way to go about achieving my goals at the time, especially since most other people I knew were also doing the same thing. 

For the most part, I would fail to stick to or achieve about 99% of the resolutions I had set. This obviously used to frustrate me to no end because I just couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong. It took a while for me to reach the other side of this major pain and on to more tranquil pastures; however, once I discovered the problem, things immediately changed. 

Through my fervent pursuit of personal growth and development, I was introduced to an awesome book by one of my favorite authors and speakers, Stephen R. Covey. It’s called The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, which I highly recommend. This book absolutely changed the way I viewed many things – and one thing in particular – Goal Setting. 

What I learned from Stephen Covey about setting goals is that if you neither know why you’re doing something, how you plan to do it nor by when you plan to have it done – it simply won’t happen. This, as it turned out, was my very problem. I was not used to defining the why or the roadmap of achieving my goals. 

It is like this article you are reading right now – I have a specific goal in mind for it and I know exactly how I plan to do it. That being said, the goal of this article is to help you understand the importance of setting goals as well as a guide on how to set them so that you are successful in your endeavors.

 

Why it’s important to set goals

Setting goals is important because it keeps your eye on the ball – keeps you focused. It helps you to discern what is and isn’t important to you much more easily. This is how you make good decisions about how and where to target your energy. 

When you set goals, it gives you a much keener sense of clarity and direction. Goal setting is crucial to helping you define your purpose – your mission and how you plan to achieve the results you desire. 

People who do not set goals are easily prone to disorganization, unfocused and confusing thoughts and actions. It can lead you in a vicious circle of frustration if you have not laid out a plan for the results you want to achieve. Without goals, you can easily become overwhelmed which leads to aggravation and disappointment. Not setting goals is like setting yourself up for failure. 

If you want to consistently achieve the results you desire and fulfill your goals and dreams, make goal setting a consistent part of your life. Give it the time and energy it deserves. I guarantee that you will see significant and profound positive changes in the results you achieve. You will also be a lot less frustrated because of it. 
 

All true goals have a specific why

True goals all have a specific reason for setting them. The “why” of a goal is the fuel that drives the thoughts and actions in achieving it. It must be personal and important to you in order to maximize the results. 

The “why” of a goal must also be as specific as possible; even if there is more than one reason – be specific. The more specific you are, the more acutely you can focus which will in turn yield much better results. 

There are 2 questions you must ask yourself in order to get to the true “why” of a goal.

1. What is the goal? – First you must clearly define what it is you are trying to accomplish and be as specific as possible. A good rule of thumb to apply is the shorter the term of the goal, the more specific you want to be. In other words, long-term goals (12 months+) can be in broader strokes and short-term goals (less than 6 months) needs more narrow strokes.

 

2. Why is this goal important to you? – Secondly, you must decide why this goal is important to you. Again, you must be specific. By specific, I mean, make sure you know what change in your life will happen if you achieve this goal; how your life will be positively impacted. Of equal importance; make sure you know what negative changes will happen in your life if you don’t achieve this goal – again, this will keep you focused.

  

Take full responsibility for how you achieve your goals

Once you’ve set your goals and you know why you’ve set them, it is up to you to figure out how to achieve them. How you achieve your goals rests with you and not others. Often, people set goals and then blame others when things don’t turn out the way they would like them to. 

No matter what you think – if you do not achieve your goals – it is because of you. There is a reason you set your own goals; they are important to you. In that vein, you should also accept full responsibility for achieving them. This does not mean that other people can’t help you – in fact, I encourage and implore you to seek the help of others. The point is that whatever happens, the choices you make will determine the results you ultimately achieve. 

There are 2 questions you must ask yourself in order to decipher the best “how” of achieving your goals.

1. Do I have everything I need to achieve my goal? – This means that you have to examine the people, tools and resources you have available to you and decide whether or not they are enough to help you reach your goal. Take nothing for granted and leave no stone unturned in this process. The good news is that this part of the process can easily evolve and you can add and delete as necessary. If the answer to this question is “NO” or your resources become inadequate, then you will need to address question 2.

 

2. What additional people, tools and resources do I need to help me achieve my goal? – Again, take nothing for granted in this process. You want to make certain that you are connecting with the right people, have all the right tools and access to the right resources that will help you achieve the results you desire.

 

It’s not real unless it’s dated

When was the last time you got something important done accurately and in a timely manner that you didn’t date? You know what I mean – I’m going to clean out the garage or I’ll fix the leaky pipe and the list goes on and on.  The important question to ask is – WHEN? 

Your goal isn’t real until you know when you plan to achieve it. You have to put a date on all your goals. It gives you more focus and also a sense of urgency. Most importantly, it places high value on your time and efforts. Psychologically, dating your goals helps you keep the end in mind which will fuel your drive to excel. 

Declaring that you are going to start your own business without a date of when you plan to do it doesn’t do much to motivate you or anyone else for that matter. Without a time frame on the ultimate prize, you’re just puffing hot air which makes you nothing but a wandering, wishing windbag. 

If you wish for something without a plan to act on it, plan to spend a lot of your pennies at the wishing well. Unless you plan to act, nothing will happen – the genie does not come out when you rub the lamp to grant you 3 wishes. 

The reason I’m driving so hard at this point is because it is vital that you understand the importance of putting dates on your goals. Dating will drive you to excel and fuel your motivation to keep marching on day after day through thick and thin. Additionally, a date will help you better define the actual steps you need to take and when you need to take them. 

Make sure that you decide WHEN you will achieve the goals you set.

 

A caveat about commitment

All of the above will undoubtedly help you to set and achieve your goals in a much more effective manner. In that vein, make sure your level of commitment matches the importance of your goals. It is easy to forget why we are doing something when we get caught up in the world wind of life. 

Here’s a tip I learned very painfully many years ago – WRITE IT DOWN! You will be amazed at how much your level of commitment increases when you write down your goals – put it on paper and review it often. I usually go over my short-term goals once a week and the long-term ones at least once a month. 

Things can change so quickly that in order for you to stay on top of what you want to achieve, you need to look at it frequently. Somehow, seeing your goals in writing does a great deal to galvanize your resolve and determination. It serves as a refueling mechanism especially since we can be so easily distracted by life. 

If you want to do yourself a great service and stay focused, write down your goals and the outline of how and when you plan to achieve them. I guarantee that this will make a huge difference in the results you achieve if you review them often enough. Find an interval of review that suits you or simply do it when you need a boost in your spirit. 

Forget about making empty promises to yourself and coming up with meaningless resolutions. Do something worthwhile and make a real difference in your life – set goals and then take action to achieve them. No one else is going to do it for you.  

 

Failure Is an Event, Never a Person

People often victimize themselves whenever they feel that they have failed at something. Some people take it so hard that they become dejected and depressed because of it. This perception of failure always does way more damage than mending and nothing is usually learned from it. This is a total waste in my view. 

The goal of this article is to help you view failure for what it really is and to understand how imperative it is to your personal growth and success. 

First of all Failure is an event, never a person. It is a part of life; something that occurs when you don’t quite hit the mark you aimed at. There are degrees of failure; however, in the end failure only serves one important purpose – to teach. 

It is through our failures that we learn the most about how to succeed. When you fail at anything, your greatest opportunity is to find the lesson in the failure. It’s time to start asking the right questions; what could I have done differently? Why didn’t it work the way I expected? 

The hard part of this is that many people, and I have mentored some through the process, do not think of failure as an occurrence but more as a personal defect. Most people usually internalize these disappointments causing them to be blind to the valuable lessons. In this vein, they learn nothing and then wonder why the same thing keeps happening over and over again. 

If you learn nothing from your failures, how will you know what not to do the next time you try? How will you know what to do better? 

If you think of failure as an event, you can be more objective and pragmatic in your response to it. You will be able to look for clues as to what may have impeded your success. If you do not internalize it as a personal letdown but think of it more as a lesson to help you grow, you will be able to make improvements much more quickly. 

I don’t think that there has ever been any truly successful person in history that did not known failure. In fact, many successful people will tell you that it was in their failures that they found their greatest and most innovative ideas. For some, it was fun to try and top the last failure every single time. 

The point is that to know true success and achieve at a high level, you must get to know failure. This is how we learn and grow. When failure becomes an event in your life and nothing more, the knowledge you will receive will be invaluable. 

You are not a failure; although your actions and your performance may have caused you to fail at something, it’s still just an event. Even when you fail yourself by not trying as hard as you can and doing your best, you are not the failure – your actions are. 

Think of it this way… if you were a failure, how could you change? If you are this thing which means malfunction, stoppage, breakdown and collapse, how would you change these things? You see although all of these things can occur, they can never be you because you have the ability and the choice to change. This is why Failure is an event, never a person.

As far as your personal growth and development, failure is imperative in improving this in your life. Failing means that you are trying and trying means that you are active and if you are learning in the process, success is sure to follow. It doesn’t matter how many times you fail as long as you learn from it each time and then pick yourself back up for another round. 

Let me give you an example from my own experience. 

I started this blog in April 2009 and from day 1 I decided not to spend any money on marketing. That means that I have had to find other strategic ways to get the word out about my blog. That being said, I still have not yet found the right grove as of the writing of this article (December 2009); however, I learn from each avenue I try. I learn what works and what doesn’t. 

Each and every single time I’ve failed to hit the mark with my goals for this blog, I learn something. It keeps me grounded and focused; I’ve also had my reality checked a few times from having lofty expectations. The point is that I certainly don’t internalize any of these hard knocks as a personal letdown. I know what my goals are and what I want to achieve with this blog and therefore everything I do is to learn more and more about the right and the wrong things to do to make that happen. 

As of November 2009, even though I haven’t found the right grove yet for my marketing strategy, my articles generally rank in the top 20 or top 30 on Google for my article keywords. It took 7 months of tinkling and tweaking to get to that point; a lot of trial and error; however, I have learned so much. Most importantly, I really had fun. 

In the next 7 months, I’m looking forward to being in the top 10.    

The point is that unless I was willing to go through that trial and error and learn from what happened, I would not be able to achieve what I had in 7 months. Some people may be able to do it faster and it may take some a little longer – it doesn’t matter. I am not a victim of things that don’t work out the way I want them to. As long as you do your best, you should feel good. 

If you think of yourself as a failure, then everything else about you will also fail. Your attitude, your work ethics and your confidence – these will also fail. If you’re still wondering why you almost never win, start examining the way you think of yourself. 

Just remember that each time you fail, that is the universe’s way of telling you it’s time for school. There are reasons why we fail and only in the event of that failure can you truly discover how to succeed in your goal. Just because you failed does not mean that you are a failure – it means that you can learn, grow and try again. Failures do not detract from who you are but instead take you one step closer to your ultimate goal. 

Failure Is an Event, Never a Person.  

 

The Ultimate Power

“Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely.”  Sir John Dalberg-Acton 

At the time that Sir John Dalberg-Acton made this statement, it was in response to Pope Pius IX’s promulgation that the pope is in fact infallible – the year was 1870. 

Fast forward to 2009, I wondered if this quote still held water or if it ever held water at all. As I pondered it, I realized that although in many cases, Sir John Dalberg-Acton’s words may be undoubtedly true; it is also certain that in many cases it is not. 

People who understand true power know that it comes with a great responsibility in wielding that power. They also know that if you should turn a blind eye to that responsibility while you wield such power, it will eventually destroy you. This is not a scare tactic – promise. 
  

The truth is that, if you understand true power and you accept the great responsibility that comes with it, you were meant to have it and to wield it because you will do so in service to others. This is to say that power only corrupts irresponsible men and women and in so doing true power is eroded and is therefore no longer power in its most pristine form. True power requires both understanding and accountability in order to reach its full potential otherwise it becomes something else- tyranny perhaps or subjugation or worse.

 

Where Does the Ultimate Power Come From?

The Ultimate Power is natural and therefore innate to all human beings. We are all endowed with the capacity to develop and exercise the ultimate power. From the moment you are born, you have the opportunity to cultivate your ultimate power and watch it grow to its full potential. 

This is true no matter who you are, where you come from and what you know. YOU are endowed with the capacity to bring forth the ultimate power. The ultimate power cannot be given to or taken from you, you simply have to acknowledge its existence, understand it, accept the responsibility that comes with it and then endeavor to develop and wield it. 

It may sound oversimplified to you but don’t dismiss it too quickly just because it might sound a bit around the bend. I have personally experienced the shift when I have acknowledged, understood, accepted the responsibility and then endeavored to develop and wield it. It is one of the most incredible and fulfilling experiences of my life which I continue to enjoy. I exercise the ultimate power on a daily basis and it has proven to be integral to some of the most significant and profoundly positive changes in my life. I have seen what it can do when others have done the same. 

In essence, the ultimate power comes from being and so whether you want it or not, you have it. It’s up to you to let it lie dormant inside you or choose to bring it forth. 

 

What is the Ultimate Power?

The Ultimate Power is Choice. It is the ability to choose your response to all stimuli and to exercise free will. In fact, the ultimate power is required to develop and wield the ultimate power because like I said just a few sentences ago, you can either choose to let it lay dormant inside you or to bring it forth. This is a choice and this is the ultimate power. 

You are born with the capacity to choose, to exercise free will – this is the ultimate power. Surely, while you are a developing baby, you do not yet understand the power of choice but as you grow and become more self-aware, it becomes clearer and clearer. You begin to choose the types of food you like, the types of toys you like to play with, the television programs you like to watch, how you like to dress and the list goes on and on as you get older. 

The power of choice is natural and therefore innate to all human beings. It cannot be given or taken from you – it is yours from the moment you are born. Your parents, your family, your friends, your teachers and your environment may all influence how you make your choices but at the end of the day, the power of your choices remain yours and yours alone. 

That’s why even when you have had such tremendous influences in your life and you have been given a particular program growing up, you are still able to rewrite the program if at some point in your life the old program no longer works for you. You are the programmer – you can rewrite the program – you can exercise the ultimate power of choice to change the things you want to change in your life. 

There is no such position that you could be in where you have no choice. I think that it is absolutely outrageous for anyone to tell or insinuate to another that he or she has no choice. Of course you do – YOU always do. 

When people say your choices are either this or that, they are dead wrong. What about walking away – that’s a choice too, is it not? Sure, in a life and death situation you may be faced with only harsh or ugly choices where no matter what you choose, the situation won’t end well. These are extreme cases and even then, you still have choices albeit harsh and ugly ones BUT you still have them. 

Let’s go a step or two further with the ultimate power of choice. What about the way we relate to people and circumstances? Why do you allow people and circumstances to rob you of your ultimate power? 

The ability to choose your response in any given situation means that you are responsible for your actions – what you say, do, and your body language. If you react to people and circumstances, you effectively give them your ultimate power of choice. That’s why people are quick to say the devil made me do it; I could’ve made it if it wasn’t for the traffic; If she would just be a little nicer to me, I’d be able to get my work done. Lame…LAME…LAME! 

You are in control of your choices; you have the ultimate power to choose. If you take a proactive stance, then you can exercise your ability to choose your response; you can exercise free will regardless of what people say and/or do and regardless of circumstances. 

When you exercise the ultimate power you are saying that you are proactive and proactive people are not driven by what happens to them but by the things that they make happen. When you choose your responses neither people nor circumstances can take your ultimate power of choice. Your choices are based on principles and your value system which is made up of what matters most to you. When your values are grounded in correct principles, you will be able to understand power and accept the responsibility that comes with it. This is the ultimate power. 

Do you see how powerful this is? Just try it in one situation in your life in which you’d like to have a different outcome. I guarantee you that you will see immediate and positive changes. 

Many people get caught up in the reactor of life and they consistently respond only when acted upon. They allow emotion to guide their responses as opposed to standing on their principles and living their values. When your direction comes from within and your choices are based on your values, you can deliberately choose your response in any given situation. The power is yours and you can develop it and exercise it at any time.

 

The Ultimate Power Is Absolute

Yes, it is! The ultimate power is absolute for everyone. We all possess the ultimate power and it is absolute because it can neither be given to nor taken away from you. It is as absolute as the right to life liberty and the pursuit of happiness. In fact, aside from life (simply because I can’t prove yet that it’s governed by choice), these rights are governed by the power of choice. Whether these were written in the Bill of Rights or not – these rights are still yours and the choice to pursue them is still yours. 

Think of it this way – there are many situations and positions in which you may have some kind of power. People may even revere or fear your power; if you are using it wisely and responsibly, people may even admire you for that. 

Here’s the thing though – power like this can be given or taken away. You may have to wrestle to do that in some cases BUT, it can definitely be given to and taken away from you. Surely, you may have done things to earn your position of power and yes you may even deserve to be in that position; again though, I have to stress it can be given and taken away. 

In the US, the president is probably by and large considered the man with the most power and even he can be booted from his position by the people. He was put there by the people and he can certainly be removed by the people. This example is a tad oversimplified but I’m sure you get the gist. 

Clearly, no powers that can be given or taken away are the ultimate power – NO. The Ultimate Power is absolute because it is present the moment you are born. Yes, it takes time to develop and to realize that you do in fact have the capacity to wield it but nonetheless it is always there – CHIOCE. No one can ever give or take away your choices. In fact, I think it’s an audacious position to take when someone asserts that he is giving you a choice in a particular situation – this or that. This is utterly ridiculous! 

You are always free to choose… no one has to give you the choice. When someone says I am giving you a choice, what he/she is really saying is, these are the only options I want you to consider. That’s all well and good but what if you have something entirely different in mind? Aren’t you free to assert that as a choice? Aren’t you free to follow your choice and forego the ones given (I mean offered)?

Absolutely, positively and unequivocally YES! You have the ultimate power to choose what you want to do even if the choice was not included in the pot. You can simply choose to go your own way. I admit, sometimes all the choices you may be faced with are ugly and you simply try to choose the least evil among them. The fact still remains that choice is absolute – and it’s completely up to you. 

Choice is the ultimate power and it is absolute because no one can give or take it away from you. So go, start right now – exercise your ultimate power and watch your world change right before your eyes. This is a truly remarkable experience.

Acceptance, Appreciation & Approval – Powerful Principles in Self-awareness

Have you ever heard of or read about these 3 A’s? It has been said that they are absolutely imperative to human success. Many experts believe that we all seek these in everything we do; that they drive our behavior. I happen to agree. 

The trouble with Acceptance, Appreciation & Approval arises because most people don’t understand the correct way these apply to their lives. Most people do not understand that these 3 A’s are about self-awareness and personal growth. This is the reason why most of us continue to look outward to solve our problems instead of where we should be looking – inward. 

I once moderated a panel discussion addressing ways to move up in a down economy and each of the panelists in one way or another kept saying “know thy self.” It seemed to be a crucial piece to moving forward – knowing who you are, what you want and where you want to go. This is all about self-awareness. 

The point is that only through self-awareness will others come to know the true and authentic you. Only through raising your self-awareness can your success reach its true potential. Only through raising your self-awareness can you improve in your personal growth. These statements are true because the more aware you are of who you are, what you want and where you want to go, the better you can plan, prepare and expect to achieve the results you desire. 

What you know, you can act on – what you don’t know acts on you. 

Let’s take a look at how Acceptance, Appreciation and Approval apply to the powerful principles of self-awareness.

 

Acceptance

To accept is to recognize, understand and believe in something or someone. In seeking acceptance of self, you must understand first that it has nothing to do with the outside world and everything to do with you. You must truly accept who you are, what you want and where you want to go. You have to own it. 

In order to experience the joy and power of true acceptance, it must come from within. Most people look to the outside for acceptance; by their parents, by their peers, by their teachers, by their colleagues, etc. The truth is that no amount of outer acceptance can ever replace or even come close to inner acceptance. 

Outer acceptance is based on the persona you project and not the real you – not the authentic you. Once you seek acceptance from the outside, your behavior changes to please those from whom you seek it. It doesn’t matter whether your behavior is aligned with your core values or beliefs; you simply perform for your audience which does not include you. 

This is why no matter how many people accept you; it will always create pressure for you to keep up if you don’t accept you. It means that you are not acting and behaving naturally but instead projecting a false persona – a fake you. At this level, acceptance can never be true and authentic because you are not true and authentic. The moment you change, they will no longer accept you and you will feel dejected and worthless. 

True self-acceptance is about you recognizing, understanding and believing in you. When you do this, others will follow suit; for those that do not accept you, their opinion won’t matter. The truth is that people’s opinion of you is none of your business. 

If you are living the life you want to live by the values you wish to live, that is all that counts. Accept who you are and learn to live with the consequences. The good news is that you can change of your own volition. If there is something going on with you that you don’t like, it is your choice to change it. 

Until you accept the true and authentic you, it will be hard for you to change, hard for you to improve and near impossible for you to achieve the results you desire. If you can raise your awareness about who you are, what you want and where you want to go, the path before you becomes illuminated with possibilities beyond your imagination. Self-awareness is vital because the more you know about yourself, the easier it is for you to create the correct plans and take right actions.

 

Appreciation

To appreciate is to receive, acknowledge and show gratitude for something or someone.

Appreciation follows acceptance because only through self-acceptance can you truly appreciate who you are. 

The same doctrine holds true in that unless you truly appreciate you, others will not. Certainly, others may appreciate the persona you project and the things you do while under that guise; however, it won’t be long before the shell crumbles and the true you is revealed. Once that happens, you will be seen as a fraud. 

Once again, seeking appreciation from the outside only perpetuates false self – it does not allow the true and authentic you to come to light. It is a great feeling for others to appreciate you and what you do; however, it is far more powerful if you appreciate yourself because the fulfillment and the return will be greater. 

If you do things simply to appease others or to show good face regardless of where they fit in your values, your heart will not be clean. You will simply be playing a tit for tat game of the need to be liked. True and authentic appreciation of yourself and what you do means that you are ok even when you must do things that others do not like. As long as your actions are in line with your values and beliefs and you are taking right action – your integrity will be in tact and far more appreciated. 

Once you discover true self-acceptance, you can truly appreciate your gifts and talents. It doesn’t mean that you win at everything – it just means that your level of self-appreciation is high. I didn’t say arrogance – I said self-appreciation which means that you receive your gifts; you acknowledge them and show gratitude for them every day. You do not abuse, squander nor corrode them in the pursuit of public affection and popularity. 

True appreciation must come from within in order to reach your full potential. For only then can the real you flourish. If the appreciation of you comes from the outside world, then your actions will reflect the values of the outside world in an effort to increase their appreciation. It won’t matter what your values and beliefs are – only theirs since their appreciation is the driver of your behavior. 

You must learn to appreciate yourself first so that you know the values and beliefs you want to personify and have others appreciate about you. You either steer your own ship or others will – it’s that simple.

 

Approval

To approve is to endorse, support and commend someone or something. Approval follows acceptance and appreciation because only through self-acceptance and self-appreciation can you truly approve of who you are and what you do. 

Again, the same doctrine holds true; if you seek for others to approve you, your behavior will conform until they do. You will transform yourself into someone other than the true and authentic you as long as you receive approval from whom you seek. 

Approval is hard because many of us are in situations where we don’t technically get to approve our actions before we take them. The fact is though that this is your choice. It doesn’t matter if you are at work where your boss calls the shots. If you are asked to do something that you don’t personally approve of – you don’t have to be there – and you can refuse. I’m not naïve – I know you may need your job. My point is that you do have a choice that only you can make. 

For me, I know that I don’t like doing anything that is not aligned with my values and beliefs. I cannot approve of doing something that I believe is wrong. Have I ever? Sure – BUT – I made the necessary changes as quickly as possible so that I wouldn’t have to repeat it. Also, it depends entirely on what action I have to take. If the action damages or hinders others in their growth and/or livelihood, the decision for me is clear – I don’t do it. 

The truth is that you only need your approval for who you are and what you do. Your inner compass should guide your actions. Whether others approve of you and what you do or not are irrelevant if you can’t look at yourself in the mirror and say “I love you.” 

Self-approval is much more powerful than public approval because if you don’t approve of you, you cannot act on your true desires. You will continue to be a puppet in the puppet masters game – the public. When others dictate your behavior, the benefits you receive will be for them and not you. The seeds you sow will reap their crops at the harvest while you starve.  

Endorse, support and commend who you are, what you want and where you want to go and your actions will reflect your true and authentic self. The only approval that matters is yours.

 

Powerful Principles in Self-awareness

These are powerful principles in self-awareness. Acceptance, Appreciation and Approval are very important to your personal growth and success but only if you truly understand how they apply to your life. When these are inwardly achieved, the results are vastly better than when you seek them outwardly. There is no problem that you have that can be solved by looking outside; it all starts with you and what you do. It doesn’t mean that external stimuli don’t exist; it simply means that they do not dictate who you are or what you do or how you behave – you do. 

To the degree that you become self-aware, your success will reflect the same. The results you achieve in your life are based on what you believe about yourself and the choices you make because of it. 

Killer Series: 7 Keys to Killer Communication Skills

No matter whom you are or what you do, if you do not learn how to communicate effectively, the quality of your life will suffer. This is a fact! 

I say that because through my training and experience over the years, I have discovered that the quality of my communication ultimately determines the quality of my life. The more effective you are at getting your message across to others, the better the results you will yield. The clarity and quality of your written, verbal and visual communication will always have a tremendous impact on your ability to achieve the results you desire. 

It is extremely important that you grasp this concept sooner rather than later so that you can begin putting the correct communication principles into practice. If you find that you are constantly having to answer the same questions or repeatedly clarifying your position – there is clearly an issue with your communication. Understanding the elements of effective communication and applying them religiously will undoubtedly increase your ability to consistently achieve your goals. 

Now that I have raised your awareness to this crucial element of your personal growth – here’s the good news. It’s not rocket science by any stretch; you have the ability to discover, learn and apply the principles of killer communication skills that will ultimately help you to consistently achieve the results YOU desire. 

Following are my best insights on becoming a killer communicator; these are the 7 Keys to Killer Communication Skills.

 

Key #1: It’s not about you

All killer communicators understand that the most important person in any line of communication is the person receiving the message. This means that you must relay your message in a manner that is easy to understand by the receiving parties. 

Your focus when you are the messenger has to be on the needs of your audience; what’s in it for them. This is a good way to ensure that what is heard is received as you intended. Too often, we forget that communication is about others thereby putting way too much emphasis on ourselves and our needs. What usually happens in cases such as those is we lose the audience and the intended message gets skewed.

Whenever you are ready to put a message together, think first about the receiving party; imagine you are in his/her shoes and compose your message so that it relates to him/her on a familiar level. 

If you are communicating with someone for the first time, the best thing you can do is ask questions that help you discover the best communication style/method for this person. Not everyone receives information in the same way or at the same speed – different strokes for different folks.

Additionally, be sure to remove your ego from the equation when you communicate with others – it’s not about you. Unless you grasp this simple concept, your ego will continue to get the best of you and your communications will often go awry. You cannot develop killer communication skills unless you put others first. 

 

Key #2: Be transparent

This is a crucial element in developing your communication skills. You have to be upfront about your objectives and expectations. Are you simply disseminating information or are you asking for something? You must be clear about the results you want and your motives. 

Killer communicators know that it is imperative that goals are clear to all parties in the line of communication. Each link in the chain must be crystal clear on what is expected of it otherwise, your ends will not be met. Transparent communication demands that there are no hidden agendas. If there are things that will come to light later that your audience does not need to know at the time of your communication – by all means say so. 

Some scholars may disagree with me on this point; however, in my experience I have never known transparency to hamper or erode by communications with others. I have also not known it to impede or damage the desired results. In fact, I have always found that the desired result is achieved with more efficacy and speed. 

People commit more quickly and are more accountable when they know the deal upfront. People value honesty and so should you when you communicate. If there are things that you are not at liberty to say – be sure to let your audience know that. The most important thing for them is that they know you value and respect them. Transparency earns you the right to speak to your audience and have them reciprocate with action. 

You have no idea how powerful this practice can be until you’ve tried it – you will see immediate and positive results.

 

Key #3: Listen actively

Active listening requires first that you genuinely want to hear what the receiving party has to say. When you communicate with others it is vital that you understand that they have understood your message and what actions to take next. This means that you have to ask for clarification and then listen – truly listen – to the response. 

All killer communicators are active listeners. They acknowledge others’ concerns and take the necessary steps to overcome any objections. When you listen actively, you are not only listening to what is being said but also to what is not. This is why it is important that your heart and mind are open to hearing the message coming back at you. 

The goal of active listening is to clear up misunderstandings and clarify action steps and expectations. This is an element you do not want to skip when you communicate because if there are any misunderstandings, they will undoubtedly surface in the results you achieve. The same is true for confusion about what to do next and expectations; if your audience is not clear on this, how will they make the right decisions – take the appropriate actions? 

Active listening requires you to do 3 things:

1. Deliver your message and then ask your audience if it makes sense – if they are clear
2. Listen to the response you get – listen with an open heart and mind – be genuine
3. Respond by overcoming any objections and/or clarifying next steps and expectations – then go back to #1 and repeat until you are all on the same page 

Chances are very good that if you follow this process, you won’t have to repeat it often before clarity is achieved.

 

Key #4: Say what you mean

Say what you mean to say – don’t dance. When you beat around the bush, you leave way too much room for error and confusion. Killer communicators don’t dance unless they are at a party. 

Don’t be afraid to say exactly what you mean. You don’t have to be a jerk about it when what you mean to say might be deemed as ugly; however, as sensitively as you can, you still need to spell it out. Don’t mince words with your audience if you want to be a killer communicator. 

Surely, there is a certain amount of finesse that comes with delivering ugly messages without making them sound so ugly but that will have to be another article. For now, stick to what’s true for you and learn to live with the consequences. It is always better to lay it on the table as it is or as you see it than to make stuff up. When you manufacture words and add fluff, the real message is stifled which means your results will suffer the same fate. 

Your best course is to simply say what you mean to say. If need be, just ask your audience for permission to be brutally honest. This way it shows that you care about and value them. It seems like an easy thing; however, in my experience this is one of the hardest things for many people to do. Yes, it is a simple concept to grasp – just a hard discipline to master. Once you are able to do it though, your communication skills will improve drastically. 

 

Key #5: Be responsible

One of the worse things you can do as a communicator is to be irresponsible for what you say. Killer communicators live by the code “the buck stops here.” You must be responsible for your words – don’t pass the buck to the other guy. 

One of my mentors and friend, Chris, taught me this motto “communication is the response you get.” Simply put, it is your responsibility as a killer communicator to make sure that your audience receives your message in a clear and succinct manner. You are responsible for the message you deliver and also whether or not it is understood. 

If for whatever reason the results are not what you expect, the responsibility of those results is yours. You do not pass the buck to the person who misunderstood or whom was confused about next steps and expectations. If you had done your job of communicating effectively, the results would have been different – more to your liking. If they are not, you obviously missed a step and you need to go back and fix it. 

I know what some of you are thinking – how can I control what someone else does? Obviously you can’t but that’s not the point. The point is that if you want to be a killer communicator, learn to accept the fact that the buck must stop with you. If for some reason you are unable to reach someone in your communication or the person refuses to be open to your message then you have the right to decide to stop communicating with this person. 

Furthermore, you can always reduce your expectations of others without lowering your standards. You do not blame others for miscommunication when you delivered the message no matter what. You always look at you and then decide how best to proceed. 

Is it still a bit much to swallow? Let me put it another way. 

If you were training a dog to guard your home and each time you gave the attack command, the dog simply rolled over and went to sleep. How long would you continue to train that dog before you got rid of him? Sure you could sit around all day blaming the dog for being a no good mutt but you still wouldn’t have a guard dog. 

Are you getting the picture? Good – let’s move on.

 

Key #6: Value accountability

All killer communicators understand that effective communication requires accountability from those receiving your message. As long as you are practicing all the keys, there is no reason you should not expect audience accountability. This is of high value when it comes to improving your communication skills. 

Whether your audience has to take action or not, their accountability lies in the expectations that you have agreed upon between communicator and audience. If your job as the communicator is to be responsible for holding your audience accountable then it is their job to be accountable and to expect you to hold them to it. 

Of course you cannot force anyone to be accountable – your goal is simply to be able to call people out when they are not. Notice that I didn’t say embarrass – agreements allow you to remind others (gently) of what you agreed to. This is how you decide where to focus your energies so that you neither waste other peoples’ time nor yours. One reason why so many people spin their wheels when communicating is that they continue to communicate with the same (wrong) people and expect to achieve a different result. This is insanity and it drives people nuts. 

If you are communicating (presenting) to a large group – 20 or more – I have found it easiest to just ask for accountability. Based on the nature of the presentation and the way you set it up in your introduction, you can simply ask them if they are willing to play. Once they’ve agreed, you will have no trouble reminding them of the rules of the game and garnering compliance. 

Value accountability and have the courage to hold people to it once they’ve agreed. Effective communication requires – demands – accountability from the receiving party and all killer communicators know it.

 

Key #7: Know when to shut up

There are so many clichés that I can use here to drive this point home. I have heard before “Why do you think that God gave you two ears and one mouth?” I have also heard “Sometimes it is better to be thought of as a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”    

Both of these really sum up the point of not only why it is important to listen but also when to be silent. I still struggle with the latter of these practices. Knowing when to shut up is vital to improving your communication skills. Often times because of assumptions and preconceptions, we do not shut up long enough to give others a chance to respond to us. We tend to want to answer for them. 

Killer communicators are masters at knowing when silence is golden and they practice this discipline religiously. The best insight I can offer on this is to simply pause and give others a chance to steal the thunder. Believe me; other people want to hear themselves talk just as much as you do. Besides, the more you let others talk, the more you will learn if you are listening actively. This will help you make wiser decisions about your communication with others. 

So in a nutshell – learn to shut up – let others talk – it’s not about you – it’s about them – so just throw them the ball and open up your ears like a big hoop.

 

FAQ

Whenever I have delivered this presentation or talked with others about how to become a highly effective communicators, I always get this question. 

Dean, can anyone become a highly effective communicator? I’m going to answer that question here for you because I know some of you will ask. 

Here’s the deal… 

Those who ask this question usually fear that they can’t do it and usually, they are exactly right. The sad truth is that most people cannot achieve Killer Communicator level and even worse, most won’t even try. The majority of individuals will, in most cases, opt for the “flight or fight” approach to communication; both of which kills communications. 

You might also find that many people don’t agree with me on how to achieve this. I don’t much care whether you believe me or not – the fact is that these principles work and always have. That’s how principles are – unfailing and unchanging; you may categorize the keys differently; however, the results will be the same when put into practice. 

The short answer is NO – not anyone can become a highly effective communicator; however, I believe that most intelligent and open-minded people can. Unfortunately, we are in short supply of that species on this planet. I dare you – NO I double dare you to take the challenge! 

 

How to Always Make Good Decisions

Ever wonder why some people almost always seem to make good decisions in their lives? Have you ever wondered why the same has not been true for you? If you’re a decisive person, that’s awesome; what’s more is if you’ve been able to live happily with your decisions, even better.

The fact is though that many of us don’t often make good decisions in our lives; largely because they aren’t based on the correct principles or roadmaps. More often than not, decisions are made on impulse or because of external stimuli and not because it jives with our core values. This is a lesson I’ve learned much the hard way; however, once I learned it, understood it and began applying what I call the “Inner Compass”, I experienced a tremendous shift in power and freedom.

The inner compass is the director of your decisions; it lives on the backbone of your core values and is grounded in universal, timeless and unchanging principles. The reason this methodology is so powerful is because any action that is aligned with universal laws will always be sound; they are essentially irrefutable and absolute.

This does not mean that you cannot change your mind at any given moment; it simply means that no matter what decisions you make or when you make them, that they will align with universal, timeless and unchanging principles while also reflective of your core values and beliefs.

Making good decisions in our lives is obviously important because we are essentially the sum of the decisions (choices) we’ve made. Regardless of circumstances, conditions, other people and other external stimuli, we are where we are and have what we have because of the choices we’ve made in our lives. You are who you are because you chose it; whether consciously or unconsciously, the choice is still yours.

That being said then, let’s look at what it truly takes to make good decisions.

There are 5 key elements that you must put into practice so that they become habits in order to consistently make good decisions. Those who consistently make good decisions undoubtedly practice all of these regularly because without them, your decisions will almost always not achieve the results you truly desire.

1. Begin with the end you seek

Firstly, it is absolutely imperative that you know exactly what you are trying to accomplish. It may seem like stating the obvious but so often I have seen many people who make decisions, many of them important ones, without clearly defining what results they desire.

Beginning with the end you seek will allow you to clearly visualize the end you want to achieve. The importance of this is very significant because it fuels the “why” of your decision. If you don’t know the why, what will motivate you to fulfill your intent? In fact, without the “why”, will you even know what you intend?

If you begin with the end you seek, it will most certainly help you to map out your course correctly. It will help you easily figure out what tools you need, the people you need to contact, where you need to go and so forth. Only with the end in mind will you be able to effectively decipher how you will get there. The end you seek is your DESIRE; if you know not what you desire, how can you ever decide to fulfill it?

2. Know what you intend

Intention follows knowing the end you seek because one begets the other. When you know the end you seek, your intensions also become clearer; they are crystallized by the results you desire.

Additionally, knowing what you intend gives rise to the purpose of your intensions. When your intensions are grounded in right purpose and are in harmony with universal, timeless and unchanging principles, fulfilling them becomes a less circuitous road. If your intensions are not of pure heart, you must remember that you will reap what you sow; nothing more and nothing less.

Knowing your intensions also brings into scope the effects of your decisions. Will your intensions bring harm to others? Will they cause others distress… are they self-serving? Again, I know this doesn’t apply to you; however, even the seemingly purest of heart may at times succumb to certain circumstances. It is important to see your intent all the way through in your mind before you make a move.

The reason why “the road to hell is paved with good intensions” is because people often get caught up in what they meant to do as opposed to what they are actually doing. Simply put, intending something in your mind and your heart is utterly meaningless if your actions do not follow suit.

Knowing what you intend then, comes with the responsibility of the effects of your intensions and the will to follow through.

3. Walk the path completely

As one of my favorite artists sang in the 80’s “Ain’t no half steppin’.” There are simply no shortcuts in making good decisions; you must walk the path completely. Once you’ve made a decision and you know your desire and intent, you must now follow through with the actions to make it happen. So often, decisions are made but no action taken to bring them to fruition. This of course is pointless.

Again, this is not to say that you cannot change your mind once you’ve made a decision; it is simply to say that once you’ve made the decision, you must follow through in your actions or it won’t happen. The end you seek will continue to elude you and your intensions will consistently go unfulfilled.

No amount of positive thinking and attitude can replace action; without action, nothing will happen. That’s stating the obvious but again, it’s so often overlooked.

Walking the path completely means not caving in at the first sign of ridicule or rejection; it means not turning back just because others are not in favor of it; it means relying on your core values and beliefs, your inner compass, to guide you as opposed to external stimuli.

Even though we are all influenced by many people and many circumstances in our lives, a decision is never truly yours unless the desire to make it comes from within, not without.

4. Stick to what’s true for you

Although this element comes in at number four on my list, it is probably the most crucial element in your decision-making process. Doing otherwise always results in frustration, failure, resentment, dejection and the like. Sticking to what’s true for you, allows you to always be at peace with your spirit.

Have you ever made a decision because of someone else’s opinion or because of a circumstance only to find you don’t feel good about it – that you’re losing sleep over it? I’ve been there and done that and I don’t know about you but I hated it! These days, I appreciate the lesson it taught me. Do what’s true for you and learn to live with it.

When you stick to what’s true for you, you do not have to second guess yourself; you can face yourself in the mirror with your head up. Also, you can look others in the eye when you speak of it. This is what is meant by “the truth will set you free.” If you make decisions based on what is true for you, the freedom you feel is unmatched; you are completely without fear because you know in your heart that this is the best decision you can make.

Sticking to what’s true for you is what helps you consistently achieve the results you desire. It is because it’s true for you that your intent will be clear and righteous; you will walk the path in clarity and all your actions will be profoundly powerful because you are free of fear and doubt.

5. Accept the consequences

Stick to what’s true for you and learn to live with the consequences. All decisions, all actions carry with them, consequences. One of my favorite authors, Stephen Covey, puts it this way, “when you pick up one end of the stick, you also pick up the other.” There is no getting around it, when you make decisions followed by actions, natural consequences will occur whether you want them to or not.

This is the reason that it is so important to know your intent and to make sure your decisions affect you and others positively. Self-serving decisions will only lead to negative consequences; it always does. On the other hand, when you make decisions that are reflective of your core values and beliefs and that are grounded in universal, timeless and unchanging principles, you will reap positive consequences. You always reap what you sow; nothing more and nothing less.

A Final Caveat

One of the most common mistakes many people make when making decisions is to make self-sacrificing decisions. The problem is that when you sacrifice yourself, you automatically rob yourself and others of your true self and your full potential. If you are unable to follow through on your decision whole-heartedly, you will not achieve the results you truly desire.

Part of the problem is the misconception of what is truly self-sacrificing. Simply putting others’ needs before yours is not self-sacrificing, it’s human. The fact is we are all here to serve each other; therefore, putting others’ needs before our own is the ultimate gift which comes first in the hierarchy of human interaction. In this instance, the gift must be given whole-heartedly and without resentment or reticence; gifts are just that – gifts and not “quid pro quo.” A sure path to your success is helping others achieve theirs.

In my view, a self-sacrificing decision is more like a secret service agent jumping in front of a bullet to save the president’s life; that’s sacrificing you to save another. This is a Secret Service Agent’s job – to sacrifice his own life to save the president’s.  When you make decisions that serve your fellow man, that’s the ultimate humanity; that’s why we are here.

All of this is to say, consider yourself carefully when you make decisions; be certain that you can live with the choices you make otherwise the results of good decisions will continue to elude you.