Recently I published a newsletter comparing New Year’s resolutions to Real Goals; in that issue, I explained the differences between the 2 and why goals are always better to set than making empty promises to yourself via New Year’s resolutions. You can read this issue on my Facebook profile.
This post is dedicated to giving you some insight into 10
common New Year’s resolutions that usually fail and the reasons that they most
likely do. These are in no particular order – just some insights and
observations I’ve picked up over the years.
1.
Lose Weight
Weight loss is definitely a top priority when it comes to making resolutions; the news constantly buzzes about it. There are always new ways and new tools to help you drop those unwanted pounds.
Year after year though, although some people are able to lose some weight after making the resolution to do so, the majority gain the weight back and sometimes even more. Some people don’t even get off the couch to make the effort and weight loss once again becomes a pipedream.
There are a few reasons that come screaming to mind why this
resolution almost always fails:
·
No
real commitment
·
No
goal weight in mind
· No deadline for when to get there
These among other reasons will quickly derail any chance of
keeping this resolution. Another major factor is the emotions that run so
deeply for many people who struggle with weight. These feelings can be painful
and therefore discouragement can set in quickly when the odds appear to be
insurmountable.
2.
Make More Money
I have done this one to myself quite a few times in the past; each time I did it was a miserable failure. I couldn’t understand why I failed at this so often until I discovered a few insightful things about money and making money.
You see, money should never really be a reason to do anything. I’ve learned that once you factor money into a decision, your actions can quickly become impulsive and eroded in pursuit of it; especially when you don’t have much in the first place.
The resolution to make more money usually fails because people either look for the fastest way they can make money or they have no clue where to begin. In either case, this resolution is doomed before it even gets off the ground.
Here’s why…
Doing anything just for money almost always means that you
do not have a passion for what you’re doing to make this money and therefore
you do not care. That means that whether you create and deliver value to others
or not doesn’t much matter as long as you make money. If you’ve gone this route
before then you know it is short-lived. If you haven’t found out yet – trust me
– you will.
The other reason this resolution falls by the wayside is that you may have no clue what to do to make more money and since you stand for nothing, you end up falling for anything. There are plenty of “Get Rich Quick” schemes out there for all the suckers that are born at the turn of every year.
The bottom line is that if you need to make more money and
you do so by chasing the fastest buck or by trying the latest scams, you won’t
succeed. In some cases you may even see some increase in your bank account for
a while; however, I guarantee it won’t last if you continue to operate in the
same vein.
3.
Get a New Job
This one is a very common resolution for the disgruntled employee. I’ll keep it very simple. The individuals that waste their time complaining about their jobs are the ones that never do anything about it. They threaten to leave every now and again but they continue to show up for the pain every day.
These are the people making this resolution most of the time. Why does it usually fail? Because many people don’t even mean it when they say they are going to find a new job. Additionally, if you were to ask an individual who made this resolution, “when was the last time you updated your resume?” I can almost guarantee you might hear crickets.
Other factors include:
- Not
knowing what type of job you really want
- Do
you really hate the one you have or is it the people?
- Can
you solve your problem by talking to your boss?
- Is there something that can be done to make you satisfied with the job you have?
The problem is that 99% of employees don’t ask these questions; neither of themselves nor their peers and superiors. I’ve worked on Wall Street and Main Street and this is one of those things that just don’t change no matter how much everything else does.
The complainers and whiners threaten to quit while the
leaders and heretics make plans to move forward – within or without the
organization.
4.
Start a Business
For starters, more than 80% of all new startups fail within the first year of business. This fact already eliminates about 99% of the resolution makers since the majority people who start businesses have clear reasons for doing so. They may not have a clue how to run a business but they at least know why they started it.
That being said, the New Year’s resolution usually fails
because of a few reasons:
- No
game plan
- No
strategy
- No
investment
- No
research
- No
follow up
- No sacrifice
This list could probably go one for quite a bit but I’ll stop here. Starting a business is not a cake walk; it requires a serious commitment and an action plan to match. Simply making a resolution to do this lacks the depth of substance needed to sustain such a feat. And, if you include partners in this, things can get interesting very quickly.
Misalignment, miscommunication, confusion and power-tripping are some of the issues that can arise quickly when starting a business becomes a haphazard task.
If you really want to start a business, don’t make
resolutions, set goals
and make
plans.
5.
Get Out of Debt
You’re not going to get out of debt until you stop the hemorrhaging. Many people claim they want to get out of debt – make the resolution to do so – only to continue spending in the exact same manner they did the year before. To top it off, they aren’t usually making any more money than they were making the year before.
Folks, getting out of debt is a serious undertaking – taking it lightly is undoubtedly a huge mistake. The main reason this resolution fails is because most people do not have a budget. They have absolutely no clue how and where their paycheck goes. They only know that they have way too much month left when the paycheck is gone.
Another major hiccup is that many people are not willing to live without some of the things they want now so that they can get all the things they want later. Instant gratification rules the day for these folks and thus they remain in debt. The insane part is that many people who make this resolution year after year don’t understand why they are still in debt and getting in deeper.
Simply put, this resolution will fail miserably if you do
not want to give up anything or do anything differently.
6.
Find a Mate
In my experience, career-driven individuals usually suffer the worst of this resolution. These are the “busy people” of the world. Surely there is nothing wrong with pursuing your career – in fact I most certainly encourage it. The thing is that finding a mate requires that you put certain aspects of your life in the proper context.
The truth is that most people who make this resolution do so because they think that it’s about time that they have a mate. After all, that’s what life is all about – finding someone with whom to share your dreams and goals. The issue is that this is definitely not a good reason to search for a mate because it can provide bad direction.
Also, unless you are willing to actually make space in your life for a mate, one will not appear. You may think that things are supposed to fall into place after you’ve found your mate; however, this is not so. The frequency you generate must match with your heart and mind otherwise your mate will continue to elude you.
If you are currently married to your career, your business, your church or any other activity or endeavor in your life – get unmarried first before pursuing a mate. It doesn’t mean that you let those things go – they are still important to you. It just means that you shift paradigms and put them into the proper perspective.
In other words, how important is it for you to find a mate?
To the degree that this matters to you, your efforts and actions will mirror
the same.
7.
Exercise Forgiveness
Forgiveness tends to come the hard way most of the time; it is such a simple thing to do and yet it does not come easy.
This is a resolution usually made when a transgression has been committed against you – some time has passed and yet it continues to eat at you. At some point the stigma of the situation becomes seemingly unbearable and forgiveness seems the best way to let it go.
The roadblock that most often pops up in these scenarios is that the person who needs to do the forgiving misconstrue why they are forgiving in the first place. Typically people believe that forgiveness is for the forgiven; however, the truth is that it is for the forgiver. Unless you recognize this simple truth, it becomes much more difficult to forgive, especially if the transgression was egregious and/or painful.
If you do not understand forgiveness and its purpose, you
will be less likely to truly exercise forgiveness. And, if you really believe
that forgiveness is for the forgiven and you don’t believe that he/she deserves
it – you will not follow through. You might say you will but your true colors
will again come to rouse soon enough.
8.
Change Your Circle
A change of circle usually becomes warranted when you find that it is improbable that you will be able to make necessary personal changes while you continue to move in these circles. This can be very tough to follow through on – I have lived this one twice in my life and each time it was extremely difficult.
Changing your circle can involve pulling away from family, friends and colleagues. You may have been hanging out with some of these folks most of your life and now in order for you to move forward, you have to remove yourself from these people. Yes – this is hard – I know.
This resolution usually fails because the emotions that come along with doing this are often too much for the individual to bear. They are riddled with guilt, remorse and resentment all rolled into one. Accepting that nothing last forever and that with change sometimes hard decisions like these have to be made can be tough to swallow.
In order to pull this off, you must be crystal clear about your objective and you must remove the emotions from the equation. If you are not able to do that, you will be hard-pressed to make the decision let alone take action to see this through.
I don’t envy you if you have to face this challenge;
however, I can tell you that of the two times I have had to do it, I am very
happy that I did. Good luck!
9.
Speak Your Mind
I have mentored and counseled many smart individuals whose main shortcoming was a lack of their own voice. They have all this tenacity and creativity bottled up inside but no courage to unleash them.
The main reason this resolution fails is because people allow the fear of consequences to keep them in a box and dumb. The repercussion of such an act as speaking your mind is so great – in your mind – that you simply choose to clam up.
Often, you hear individuals who make this kind of resolution say (after someone else snatches the thunder), that’s exactly what I was going to say. At this point of course, it doesn’t much matter whether you were going to say it or not. In fact, you’re better off not even letting others hear you say – “I was just going to say that.”
Another reason this resolution fails is because many people don’t know how to express their thoughts well or they wait until it’s too bottled up and they explode. This usually leads to a “fight or flight” situation.
If you want to keep this New Year’s resolution, remember this; speaking your mind requires 2 elements:
- Courage
– grow a pair
- Do
what’s true for you and learn to live with the consequences – again – grow
a pair
“And that’s all I have to say about that.” – Forrest
Forrest Gump.
10.
End a Relationship
This New Year’s resolution usually fails because of emotional confusion, withdrawal syndrome and fear. Often individuals continue a relationship in the hopes that things will change even though they don’t. This is the fundamental problem of bad relationships and why they tend to prolong.
Many people continue to believe that one day things will miraculously change even though they do nothing differently. They don’t even so much as issue a real ultimatum – instead they tout empty threats that lose gas very quickly when the emotions come to a cool or in some cases – a boil.
The other factor is the fear of losing; even though the relationship may not be healthy, many people associate the end of a relationship as a loss. Some individuals even chalk it up as a failure rather than a change to move forward. If you cannot view the ending of a relationship as moving forward and all for the best without regrets, it will be difficult to end it.
The bottom
line is that unless you can truly understand why you need to let go; unless you
can truly accept the fact that ending the relationship is the best for all
parties involved; unless you can see it as a step forward, ending a
relationship will be extremely difficult.
Phew… that
was deep – now what?
Well, I have already written a couple of articles that can help you overcome the New Year’s resolution disease. If you want to discover how to set real goals and create the ultimate plan to achieve them, start by reading the following articles.
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