Powerful Principles of Personal Growth

How to Remove Personal Growth Limitations

There are no limitations except for the ones we place on ourselves. Limits are man-made control mechanisms that have been hardwired into our systems for far too long and with damaging effects. The good news is that history is filled with great examples of those that have stood firm in the belief and principle that there are no limits but those that we make up. 

At one time, no one ever thought man could fly until the Wright brothers built the first flying machine. There was a time when no one thought man could climb Mount Everest until Sir Edmund Hillary proved the world wrong. There are all sorts of limits that have been placed, or rather, misplaced on us; and yet great individuals like Barak Obama continue to shatter those limitations day after day. 

Why do we place limits on ourselves? Why do we hinder our personal growth and development by putting up invisible and seemingly immovable walls? Why do we live in a free society and yet live the lives of confined creatures? 

The purpose of this article is to help you remove these barriers; to rid yourself of doubt and to quell all the excuses of why you are unable to grow beyond a certain point. The goal is to raise your level of awareness about your ultimate power so that you can quickly abandon the whining, bitching and complaining and start living the incredible life your were meant to live. 
  

Recognize and Understand Personal Growth Limiters

Personal growth limiters, like all limiters, are the stories we make up in our minds as to why we can’t do or achieve something. The problem arises when you are not aware that they are present in your life. Most of us walk around in complete ignorance, or what one of my mentors calls “unconscious incompetence” with regard to our self-limiting behaviors and attitudes. 

When you are unconsciously incompetent, you are unable to even recognize what you are doing let alone why. The key is to be aware of how these personal growth limiters show up in your life. Following are a few examples of the forms in which they may appear.

1. Justification – we can do this without even thinking; it’s the classic defense mode we go into when our position, performance or values are challenged. The posture is reactive and we begin to rationalize (tell rational lies) our words, actions and perspectives. Justification limits your growth because it closes you off from learning anything new. 

2. Excuses – this is also a popular mode of self-limiting behavior. Instead of owning and learning from our mistakes, we make excuses for them. If you cannot admit your mistakes, you will never be able to truly learn from them. If you can’t learn from your mistakes, you cannot change and grow. Your personal growth will stifle. 

3. Cynicism – this is how we fill ourselves with and spread doubt to those around us. Cynicism causes you to believe everything is just too good to be true; that if someone achieves some level of success, it must be shear luck. All of this is just to make you feel better about living under a rock or in a cave like a hibernating bear. 

4. Baggage – all of us have skeletons in our closets; I have tons. The key is to remember that your past is just that, the past. It does not determine your future. What often happens is that individuals refuse to put down or let go of past baggage. In some cases, people actually feel guilty if they let go of it believing that somehow it’s supposed to remain a part of them due to some twisted sense of sentiment. Nothing that limits your growth deserves a place in your life – NOTHING! 

There are certainly other personal growth limiters that I can list here or that you can come up with yourself. The point is that the ultimate limiter is YOU. No matter what you think the limitation is, you control how it acts in your life. You place it and you can remove it.

 

Own your mistakes

Don’t make excuses for your mistakes – own them. If you can admit when you’ve made an error, you will be able to learn from it and adapt much more quickly. When you continuously dodge the responsibility, you remain in ignorance – in unconscious incompetence. 

If you don’t even know what you don’t know, how can you learn and grow from where you are? It will be impossible for you to achieve any level of success in your personal growth if you simply hide from your mistakes and make excuses. 

Instead of making excuses, ask questions like, what went wrong? What can I do differently or better next time? Do I need more resources or information? All of these questions will help you grow because if you are seeking answers, you are seeking growth. 

Consider this… 

There are no truly successful individuals without the foundation of failures on which their success is built. A major difference between winners and losers is that winners own and learn from their mistakes.

 

Let go of the past

Your past, no matter how horrible, does not determine your future. It doesn’t matter what you’ve been taught or conditioned to believe, you can choose to rewrite the script for your future. 

Let me put it this way… 

Sometimes when I conduct workshops or deliver presentations, I ask the audience the following 4 questions as taught to me by the incomparable Zig Ziglar. 

1. Is there something specific that you can do in the next 2 weeks that can make your personal and professional life worse? 

2. Is there something specific that you can do in the next 2 weeks that can make your personal and professional life better? 

3. Do you believe that the choice is yours?

4. Do you believe that every choice has an end result? 

Usually when I ask these questions, 99.99% of the people in the room will answer yes to all four. Read the questions again; if you can answer yes to all four, here’s what you’ve basically said whether you realize it or not. 

I don’t really care what has happened in my past; I don’t even care what my circumstances are right now. I know that there is something specific that I can do in the next 2 weeks that can make my personal and professional life better or worse and the choice is mine. 

What an incredible realization? When you break it down this way, it is crystal clear that your past does not determine your future. The choices you make today are what will determine your tomorrow. 

Your past becomes a personal growth limiter when you refuse to let it go. You have to purge past events that impede your growth in order to move forward. Now, I am not naïve; I know that it can be hard to shed the past sometimes – even excruciating. Here’s the deal though… 

Whether you do it alone, seek help from a mentor or join a group, if you don’t purge past events that hamper your thoughts, behaviors and attitudes, your personal growth will suffer. Don’t let the fact that it might be hard to do stop you – in that too you certainly have the power to choose. 

Your past does not determine your future; however, it can certainly limit your personal growth. 

 

Value the present

Placing high value on the present is vital to your personal growth and development. This is because your future will be determined by the choices you make in the present. While tomorrow is not determined by what happened yesterday, it is most certainly determined by what happens today. 

Here’s why you should place high value on the present – on what you do today. 

Stephen Colbret, comedian and talk show host, once led a roast of then President George W. Bush. During that roast he sarcastically chided the president about the reasons for going to war with Iraq. Basically, he recounted that the main reasons were suspicion of harboring terrorists as well as hoarding weapons of mass destruction. 

After numerous inspections, no evidence of either was found in Iraq; and yet we went to war anyway. Now here’s the punch line… 

Stephen Colbret went on to say that he appreciated the president’s determination and bullheadedness because he’s a man that believes the same thing on Wednesday that he did on Monday, no matter what happened on Tuesday.  

This is no knock against former President George W. Bush; however, the analogy holds true. You can change your stars whenever you choose. You don’t have to believe that what happened in the past is going to direct your choices for your future. 

In order to achieve success in your personal growth, you must be willing to believe something else; to believe in change. From this point forward, you must be willing to make different choices; ones that you truly believe will best help you achieve what you truly desire. 

Your present choices are all that matter where your future is concerned; they will determine where you are and what you have tomorrow – guaranteed.

 

Have hope for the future

There is simply no point in investing in your personal growth if you have no real hope for the future. Why bother? 

Zig Ziglar puts it this way… 

“The salesperson that has no hope of making the sale doesn’t make the call. Why bother, he doesn’t believe he’s going to make the sale anyway.”

 

Having hope for the future is crucial to your personal growth. It is the fuel for your drive to succeed because you wake up everyday with a deep and abiding belief that you are heading for something greater than yourself. It’s about knowing that you have something of value to offer others; the world. 

There are no truly successful individuals whom do not have tons and tons of hope for the future. In fact, the future is what successful people think about when they plan; they don’t just think about the present, they think about future generations. This is how you make a difference – you must have hope for the future; a belief in a better world than the one you were born into. 

If you don’t believe that you’re going to do anything great; be anything of value to others or that the world can be better off for you having been in it, why would you care about your personal growth? You would have no reason to – you’re apathetic. 

You might as well be like the type of people John Mayer once sang about... you know the people who keep waiting on the world to change before they do all the while whining, bitching and complaining. 

You know, there’s a word for people who behave this way – Hypocrite! If you whine, bitch and complain about everything from your boss who doesn’t like you, to the co-worker trying to destroy you, to the negative news on television and the sex, drugs and violence on your DVD player – and yet you still do absolutely nothing to change it… Now that is a Hypocrite.  

The best way you can strengthen your hope for the future is to model the wise words of Mahatma Gandhi, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

 

Believe in infinite possibilities

If you have true hope for the future, then you can certainly believe in infinite possibilities. Sometimes the thing that hampers our personal growth the most is our lack of belief in the possibilities. We are so hardwired to use words like “Can’t” or say things like “I don’t have much of a choice.” 

This type of thinking limits our personal growth tremendously. The fact is that whether you believe you can or you can’t, you are absolutely right. Belief is what produces results; actions are just the steps driven by the belief. To the degree that you believe in something, your actions will match in intensity and focus and the results you achieve will reflect the same. 

Possibilities are in fact endless. If you can tap into your true gifts and talents, you can unleash unimaginable creativity and tenacity that can usher in changes the world has yet to dream up. If this sounds too far fetched for you, consider this… 

We’ve put men on the moon, we’ve cloned animals; we created the Internet, we have Facebook addicts; my Dad is on Facebook; Twitter lets us tweet our life story to millions; we survived 9/11; Barak Obama is the first black president of the United States; Joan Rivers is 102 and looks 70; we watch movies is Imax theatres in 3D; Gene Rodenberry created Star Trek in the 1960s and we now have the ability to beam people up (OK, not really – not yet but it’s possible) 

Do you get the idea though? Nothing is impossible. I am being a bit facetious with my examples; however, the point is that at some point in history, most of the things I mentioned weren’t even a remote possibility in most people’s minds. Oh, I forgot to mention that Rod Sterling created the Twilight Zone in the 1950s and these episodes and characters still have major relevance today – absolutely genius. 

So, remove the limit from your personal growth; start believing in possibilities and know that they are endless. This is how you change you; this is how you change the world. Work on yourself, improve your personal growth and the rest will fall into place. 

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Choice, Change & Consistency – The 3 Cs of Personal Growth

There is a certain period in life that is widely accepted as the “finding yourself” period. This is the time when one is supposed to throw caution to the wind; do whatever feels right and somewhere along the way figure out what the hell you’re supposed to do with the rest of your life. 

Somehow, you are supposed to get hit with an epiphany of your calling. It’s as if the mindset is that if you just “be” and let things happen, everything will fall into place. Go with the flow – what will be will be – it is what it is – and all that jazz. 

I may come under serious fire for saying this but you know me… 

Finding yourself is a load of CRAP!   

There, I said it – and I’m not taking it back either. It’s too late anyway; cyberspace has a hold of it now so if I’m going to be toast then so be it. Got butter? 

That aside, my experience is that there are times in our lives when we aren’t sure of what our next step is and in order to make a decision – we experiment. Of course – who hasn’t? 

I realize that the term “finding yourself” is not really meant to be taken literally; however, it has certainly lost its true meaning. In fact, it is kind of an oxymoron since I don’t believe that you were lost in the first place. Finding anything requires that it must first be lost. What makes more sense is that we can GROW. 

The way we grow and change is completely up to us. Your personal growth is your responsibility and it will not happen if you just simply be. You have to do something about it otherwise you will remain stagnant. No deliberate actions no desired results – period. 

The goal of this article is to help you become keenly aware of the 3 Cs of personal growth – Choice, Change and Consistency. Without these 3 your personal growth cannot flourish the way you desire; they are essential to your success.

 

Choice

I am not going to speculate about how the first man/woman was born; however, it is no speculation that all things begin with Choice. Whether yours or others, when things are put into motion they happen in the sequence they do based on the choices that have been made. 

We are all the sum of our choices. You are where you are and have what you have because of the choices you have made. I know that many people don’t sit on the same side as I on this because of the misconception that lack of awareness negates choice. This could not be further from the truth. The fact that you may not know that you have other options does not negate the fact that in all things you must still make a choice. Even the decision to remain ignorant is a choice; perhaps not a good one for the most part but it is nonetheless – a choice. 

If you accept that your personal growth is your responsibility, you’ve already made a choice. Taking steps to improve it are just another series of choices that you have to make to see that you achieve the results you desire. 

There has also been the argument of environment, circumstances and parentage being the determining factors for your future. Again – this is a load of – well I’m sure you get the idea. 

Certainly who your parents, your environment and your circumstances all influence how you think and what you do; however, in no way do they determine. You are certainly free to make a choice to change your stars. It is not about whom your parents are – it’s about whom you are – what you want. Choice is what determines your future. 

If you don’t believe it – consider this… 

I’ve heard of a study conducted at a prestigious university about 100 of the world’s greatest leaders. Of the 100, 75% were found to have come from either an extremely impoverished background or had been stricken with some severe physical or mental defect. How would you explain the success these individuals were able to achieve? They didn’t just achieve personal success; these world class leaders literally changed the world. 

That is because they understood that leadership is a choice; that everything you are and everything you do are a true reflection of the choices that you make. Need I say more… ok then I will? 

How about high school football coach Charlie Wedemeyer; whom despite stricken with Lou Gehrig’s disease and being a quadriplegic led his team to a 14-12 championship victory in 1985. Although Charlie was no longer able to speak, he mouthed his instructions to his wife who told it to the assistant coaches who told it to the players. He did all this while laying flat on his back unable to move any part of his body except his eyes and his lips. What a remarkable display of will power and choice that is. 

Like I said – everything begins with choice and your personal growth won’t improve until you choose to improve it.

 

Change

With choice comes change – it’s automatic. When you choose to improve your personal growth, it is inevitable that there will be changes. You cannot grow unless you Change. You cannot change unless you choose to. 

It is impossible to achieve any level of growth without change first occurring. The very act of growing is in effect changing. No growth can take place at the same level of awareness prior to the growth. With awareness comes new thought and with new thought comes new action which begets change. 

There is a reason for changing seasons – it involves a cycle of growth and we receive a new cycle each year through the 4 seasons. In order to achieve the results you desire in your personal growth, you must be willing to change what you are doing today. You will be unsuccessful if you simply continue doing the same things and expect different results – that’s insanity. 

The most important thing to remember about change is that it happens with or without you. Just because you refuse to change doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. Change is a principle – a constant – it doesn’t matter what you or anyone else does, it will simply exist – always.

 

Consistency

The last of the 3 Cs of personal growth is Consistency. The fact is that the more you continue to do something, the better you become at it. Continued growth requires consistent action day after day. No one is perfect so of course you will have your bad days. The key to your success is making sure that you have more good days than bad. 

My experience is that once you find a compelling reason to remain consistent, it gets easier; you begin to enjoy the journey. Find the fuel you need to propel you every day and it will become easier for you to maintain discipline. 

It is through consistency that we develop habits; make sure that you are consistent with the right things. Just like change, consistency is a principle and it is at work even when you aren’t. It merely exists and you will get from it what you feed it. If you feed it bad habits, you will consistently get bad results. 

Think of it this way…

There is a story of an old Eskimo who had 2 dogs – a black one and a white one. Every Saturday, the dogs would fight until they wore each other out and the last one standing would win. Some days the white dog won and on other days the black dog won. The interesting thing was that no matter which dog won, the old Eskimo always seemed to bet on the winner. One day, a young man asked the old Eskimo, “How is it that you are always able to bet on the winning dog week after week no matter which one wins?” The old Eskimo replied “Well that’s easy son, I just bet on the one that I had been feeding all week.” 
  

That’s an analogy I heard listening to Zig Ziglar and it makes perfect sense here. Basically, whatever you feed wins in the end. So, if you are going to be consistent make sure you are building the habits that will help you achieve the results you desire. Too often we spend time consistently feeding the wrong energy and then wonder why we don’t get the things we really want. 

It’s very simple; if you consistently feed negativity you will habitually get negative results. If you consistently feed positivity, you will habitually get positive results.

 

What do the 3 Cs mean to you?

That depends completely on your goals and your understanding of how these constants apply to your personal growth. 

In general I can say that these 3 Cs are vital to your personal growth. If you intend to achieve any success in the things you do, be prepared to make the 3 Cs conscious habits. Choices you are going to make no matter what you think; even if you believe that ignorance negates choice, it doesn’t matter. That is your CHOICE. 

The bottom line is that if the 3 Cs are not happening at some level in your life, it’s safe to say you aren’t growing either. That means your personal growth has now become your personal stagnation.

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Inspiration, Hope & Power – Powerful Principles of Awareness

What is it that motivates you to act? Are you keenly aware of who you are and why you do what you do? 

Many of us unfortunately are sleepwalking through life; we go to and fro as just another program within the matrix of planet earth. Those of us – YOU – who are keenly aware of who we – YOU – are know what it feels like to truly live life. 

Sleepwalkers tend to believe that they have no choice in their fate; it has already been written and they’re just playing the part. What they either don’t realize or have forgotten is that although they are playing the part, they are also directing it. You are the directors of your lives and as such you can rewrite the script at any time. YOU have the ultimate power to choose. 

In order to wake up the sleepwalkers to the lives they ought to be living, there are 3 principles of which they must become aware – Inspiration, Hope & Power. 

Following are my best insights on how understanding and utilizing these principles can positively and profoundly impact your life and your personal growth. 

Firstly, I want you to understand that even though I believe that 99% of people will never reach their full potential, 100% of us have within us the capability to do it. I hope that percentage doesn’t shock you coming from what is supposed to be a website aimed at growing others. The simple truth is that based on the information available as of the writing of this article, the vast majority of people do not take responsibility for their own personal growth. As much as I wish we all did – we don’t. 

That being said, I do believe that 100% of smart people have the ability and tenacity to live these incredible principles and do great things for themselves and others. 

For the select few still reading at this point, here’s how YOU can harness and consistently utilize these powerful principles. 

  

Inspiration

What is inspiration? Inspiration is that which motivates us to act. These are people, events or things that compel us to do something – to be something. All successful individuals are inspired people; some have many elements of inspiration in their lives. 

Without inspiration, it will be difficult to sustain a fire for anything. In each of us there is a place where only what inspires us can touch. In order to achieve success in your personal growth, you must aim to connect with the person, event or thing that can reach that place inside you. 

You must find the right reasons to roll out of bed and launch into the world day after day. Those who do not quickly become burn-outs; a shell of the person they used to be. Following are a few guidelines to get you started on finding that place inside where the fire is lit and you are motivated to act.

 

Find a mentor

A mentor can be any relative, friend, colleague or your perfect stranger that you wish to emulate. These are the types of individuals that make you say “man, I’d love to do things like he/she does.” Mentors are people that lead the kind of life that you’ve always dreamed of. Not necessarily for the accolades but for the fulfillment it gives them day after day. 

Mentors are welcomed intruders that you invite into your life to speak experience and wisdom into it; to tell you the truth no matter what. Your mentor is the person that always sees you for who you are today and also recognize the potential for who you can become. 

I myself have several mentors and following their example have brought nothing but positive and profound changes into my life. These role models make a huge impact when you live by their examples – they inspire you infinitely through their experiences and their wisdom. 

When choosing a mentor, make sure that this person is qualified to be your mentor. Choose wisely otherwise the price will be steep and you will quickly be right back where you started. Mentors are individuals you want to exemplify in every way so if you can’t commit to doing that with your choice – that may perhaps be the wrong choice, especially if you only have one. 

Another way to look at it is, if you have more than one mentors, as I do, you can exemplify one in one way and another in another way. The point is that you want to make sure you are emulating the right behaviors of the right people.

 

Cherish history

History can be a great teacher as well as provide tremendous inspiration. History reminds us of the price paid to live in the present and challenges us to build a better future. 

Is there a time in history that you find particular fascinating – that touched your core – made you think deeply? Can you remember a time in the past that made you feel gratitude for the present and that gave you drive to do greater things for the future? 

When I say cherish history, all I am saying is that history not only shows you the past but also the potential of the future. It is not meant for us to live it over and over but to take from it the rich experiences it offers. It behooves us to learn from it – adapt the extraordinary examples and crush injustice. 

History can provide unbelievable inspiration to build the best world of tomorrow.

 

Embrace new concepts

New concepts provide a platform for change; in change there is always some form of inspiration. It may not be for everyone but nonetheless it is there for those looking and for those it finds. 

A new concept might inspire you in one of two ways; either you will embrace it in agreement or embrace it in opposition. Either way, it can be a compelling reason to create action. 

Individuals who are open to inspiration are always looking for the new – for change. This is because inspired people are looking to make a difference; to leave a valuable mark on this plain. It will be difficult for inspiration to find you if you insist on remaining the same and doing the same things. You cannot change your state or your circumstances by doing the same things in the same way. 

To truly be inspired, seek out and embrace new concepts.

 

Hope

Where there is inspiration, there is hope. This is not the doubtful “I hope so” you often hear from most people. True hope is about a strong belief in a better tomorrow – a brighter future. 

True hope is what keeps the fire burning day after day and it is the fuel that allows you to overcome setbacks. Without hope, it is difficult for action to manifest to achieve your goals. 

Think of it this way… 

The salesman who has no hope of making the sale doesn’t make the call. Why bother? He doesn’t believe he’s going to make the sale anyway. 

A student who has no hope of passing the test does not study. Why bother? She doesn’t believe she’s going to pass anyway. 

The person who does not believe he can won’t try. Why bother? He doesn’t believe he’s going to succeed anyway. 

Are you getting the picture? 

Hope produces action; it gives rise to unbelievable creativity and tenacity because it is fueled by a strong belief in a better tomorrow. Without hope, life becomes on failed event after another and frustration and fatigue quickly ensue. Often the result is giving up and acceptance of mediocrity. 

If you have ever seen the movie The Shawshank Redemption , you know exactly what I mean when I talk about true hope. If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend adding it to your collection. 

Essentially, one innocent man’s hope of living as a free man again took 18 years to come to fruition but he never lost sight of the goal. This is because he had “HOPE” the size of the universe and thus his fire stayed lit with each passing day no matter how horrible. He had a strong belief in a better tomorrow.

 

Power

Where there is hope, there is power. A strong belief in a better tomorrow produces tremendous power in the present. Since natural law dictates that we receive what we believe, it stands to reason that the power to achieve what you believe rests with the hope you have of achieving it. 

If you have no hope, where will the power to act come from? What will keep your fire burning and producing that infinite power to keep moving forward? 

True hope gives rise to true power because to the degree that you believe in a better tomorrow, your actions will reflect the same. In effect, the size of your hope will equal the size of your power output. 

When you become aware of your true power and begin to utilize it, you begin to move and change things with incredible success. Your choices are different – better – when you realize the ultimate power you possess to change the things you want to change in your life.

 

Power Principles of Awareness

Awareness is where change begins. What you are aware of you can act on; what you are unaware of acts on you. Harnessing and implementing these 3 powerful principles will undoubtedly raise your sense of awareness. You will become keenly aware of yourself, others and circumstances around you. Being keenly aware will help you to be more effective in influencing you, people and circumstances around you. 

Keen awareness brings you many more steps closer to success because your actions will be more acute and accurate when you are in the know.  

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How to Overcome Analysis Paralysis

Why is it that some people almost always seem to be moving forward while others seem constantly stuck in a rut? Have you ever felt like you were stuck in a rut? 

This happens to the best of us from time to time and that’s totally expected; the real conundrum is how to get out of the rut. 

Firstly, getting stuck in a rut can be caused by many different factors. From writer’s block to stumbling block, there are a myriad of conditions and situations that might bring them on. The objective of this article is to address one of the major factors of “getting stuck in a rut” and how to defeat it. 

Many individuals usually find themselves feeling trapped because of fear and the incapacity to take action. This person is usually plagued by indecisiveness and thought clutter which builds frustration and causes high anxiety. This individual is also most likely over-analyzing every situation in his/her life. 

This disease that afflicts so many is called Analysis Paralysis. 

Analysis Paralysis is a fear-driven disease that feeds on insecurity and ignorance. It is such a powerful immobilizer that it can literally keep people in a box curled up like a fetus incapable of making a move. 

The following are my best insights that can undoubtedly help you beat this terrible disease – AND – if you know someone else, who suffers from this disease, please do them the great service of sharing this post. 

Adopting the following 4 elements will help you overcome Analysis Paralysis.

 

1.  Accept the possibility of failure

Failure is nothing to fear; in fact, you should embrace it. Without failure, success could not exist. It is through our failures that we learn the most about how to succeed. There is always the possibility that you may not achieve the goal you set forth; however, it is nothing to fear. 

Instead, try letting go and enjoying the journey. Your success is largely dependent upon how you view your failures. If you beat yourself up each time you fall short of your goal; if you internalize your failures, it will be difficult for you to succeed. 

It is imperative that you understand that failure is an event, never a person. When you can do that, it will become much easier to accept the possibility that you may fall short of your goal and it’s totally ok. 

The truth is that it is far worst to do nothing than it is to try and fail. At the very least, you will learn something new when you’ve tried and failed. You will undoubtedly learn what not to do the next time around. Most great discoveries saw numerous failures before the brilliant stroke of success ever saw the light of day. 

Ask yourself, “What’s worse than failure?” How will you succeed at anything if you try nothing? That is most certainly worse than failure. If you can accept that all things are possible, then you can certainly accept that failure is one of those possibilities.

 

2. Learn from your failures

This is the key to turning all failures into new discoveries; you have to look for the lessons within them. There is so much you can learn by looking at your mistakes and your missteps. 

This is the reason why failures are events and not people – not you. You have the power to choose to learn from them instead of internalizing them which leads to dejection and frustration. The key is to understand the things that went wrong and why they did and then make adjustments the next time around. It is only when you give up that the failing event wins in your life. 

Remember that when things don’t work the way you expect them to, that is the universes way of helping you to grow. A new opportunity is born each time a failure occurs; it’s another chance to do something great. What most people do when they fail is give up; they blame everyone and everything under the son and this they completely miss the lesson. 

What happens after that is the fear-driven way of thinking – analyzing every move to death until no moves are made at all. You cannot grow and change by doing the same things and remaining the same way – it is impossible.

 

3. Stand on your core values

Analysis Paralysis feeds on insecurity, ignorance and indecisiveness. If you have strong core values – a set of principles that you strive to live by, stand on them. Whenever you feel overwhelmed or like you don’t know which way to go, allow your core values to point you in the right direction.

Chances are good that if you simply surrender to your core values, your decisions will yield far greater results. As long as your values are grounded in correct principles, you will reap excellent benefits. 

When you stand on what you truly believe in, you can do so with full acceptance of the consequences of doing so. The point is that you cannot allow confusion to win when it sets in; you can clear it up if you are crystal clear on your values.

 

4.Just do it

Be like Nike and just do it. Surely you can lay the best plans; do the most thorough research but at some point you have to dive in and test drive it. Just do it. What’s the worse that can happen – it doesn’t work – BUT – what if it does. Individuals who have a positive attitude are always thinking about “what if it works?” 

Analysis Paralysis will always keep you thinking of the glass as half empty instead of half full. Don’t worry about making mistakes – that’s what they are for – you can always get a do-over. 

Most successful people will tell you that they learned the most about their journey along the way. It is because of the trial and error why some people achieve greatness – they were not afraid to fail. They are always thinking, “what if I succeed?” 

So, just do it! 

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10 Significant Reasons to Quit Your Job

As of the publishing of this article, I have been working with the same company for 6 years. At the time I joined this particular firm, it was my first taste of the beauty industry career wise. I admit that when I first took the position, I was a bit reticent about where it might lead. I had even thought it was going to be a quick pit stop until the next BIG move. 

To my surprise and good fortune, I discovered something I never thought I would; I discovered what it truly meant to be passionate about what you do. I was reminded of how I once felt about music when I used to be a rapper/producer years before. The individuals that I have met, connected with and come to know so well while working at this firm are some of the most passionate and hardworking individuals on the planet. 

I don’t know if it’s just the firm I work for, but my experience so far in this industry has been an awesome ride. I learned the most about myself during this time; I have grown tremendously in so many ways because of the exposure I have received. I am naturally a driven person; however, this is the place where I realized my true purpose in life. Perhaps I would have discovered it anyway – who knows? What I do know is that in this place, I not only found a career I enjoy, I also found and began pursuing the reason I am here on this physical plain. 

All of this is to say that, there are so many things that are important factors in having a successful career, finding your true purpose and making sure that you are fulfilled. This is what leads me to the title of this article. 

Following are 10 significant reasons why I believe YOU should quit your job. Bear in mind that this is subjective and strictly based on my experience. In my view, if any of these situations or conditions exist in your job, succeeding at it will be extremely difficult. 

Now don’t all go telling off your bosses just because I may strike a nerve – be strategic – not foolish. 

In no particular order, these are 10 significant reasons to quit your job.

 

  1.   You are bored to death

If you are bored to death, your job is basically a dead zone. You will be completely unmotivated and your performance will be lack-luster. Boring jobs are for boring people – they actually enjoy it. Unless you are happy being boring, keeping a boring job is just asinine.

 

 2.   You do meaningless work

If what you do means nothing to others and worse – nothing to you; you may as well just do nothing at all. What is the point of showing up everyday to a job that means nothing – one that adds no value to others and leaves you unfulfilled? 

I don’t know about you but if I don’t feel like what I do matters; I don’t want to do it. Something must be severely wrong if I am doing something day in and day out and yet no value is created for anyone – except maybe the guy signing my paychecks. For me, that’s not enough – how about you? 

Meaningless work is for meaningless people; it is for those who have accepted that their fate has already been decided and they are just going through the motions. Continuing to do meaningless work is selfish, callous and just plain un-cool. 
  

 3.   You dislike your co-workers

This can be sad, intense, depressing and dangerous all at once. This type of environment completely kills teamwork and stifles creativity. When you don’t like the people you work with, you spend more time covering your ass than you do making a difference. 

Part of the motto of the team I currently work with is less C.Y.A. and more C.E.O. Translation – less time on Covering Your Ass and more time on Covering Each Other. 

Life throws you enough curve balls; you don’t need to be watching your back at work. Worst of all, you really don’t need to get caught up in unproductive beefs and disputes with your co-workers. This can only breed resentment and cause spiteful and vindictive behavior. If you don’t like your co-workers and they don’t like you – it’s time to go.

 

 4.   You don’t respect your boss

It will be tough to move ahead in your job if you don’t respect your boss. Additionally, how can you learn anything of value from someone you don’t respect? 

It should go without saying that whether you like your boss or not – it's better if you can respect him/her. Of course, I have always found it difficult to respect someone that I don’t like – the two seem to go hand in hand. 

In any case, respect for your boss is crucial for success in your position; if you work in a corporate structure that has a chain of command, your boss needs to be your biggest cheerleader. If he/she isn’t, you’ll be hard-pressed to get ahead. 

You could try circumvention; however, unless the brass thinks of your boss as a complete moron, your tactic will backfire quickly. YOU LOSE! I won’t say that respect for your boss is a must but it sure keeps the wheels greasy for you if you do. 
  

 5.   Limits professional growth

This could be tricky, especially if you are not clear on what you want professionally. In order to understand this, you must first understand where you want to take your professional life. Once you do that, it is up to you to steer it in the right direction. Where you work should serve as the vehicle to help you do that. If it is not doing that, you either need to change course or move on. 

Be careful when analyzing this factor; make sure that you are making the right move for the right reasons. Don’t make rash decisions that can hurt you later. Think it through and in the end just do what’s true for you and learn to live with the consequences.

 

 6.   Limits personal growth

One of the things I love most about the firm where I work is that they aspire to encourage personal growth and development at all levels. The company really does believe in the individual growth of others because they understand that this makes people feel better and perform better. 

If you are unable to achieve any personal growth because of the job you have, that is a reason to quit. Frankly, it will be hard for you to achieve any level of real success if you are not growing as a person. It is through your creativity, tenacity and pro-activity that you will grow. Your personal growth is vital to this process; if you can’t see that, you’re in for a long and miserable ride at work. 
  

 7.   You lack the latitude to make changes

If you can’t change anything then why are you there? Change can come from anywhere and from all ranks. The only thing that matters is that the change is positive and for the good of those you work with and serve. Nothing is more important that the way you change and grow no matter what you do. 

If your creativity is suppressed; if your ingenuity is unappreciated and your true gifts are irrelevant to what you do, then what purpose do you ultimately serve? You may as well be a slave or indentured servant because you are only doing someone else’s bidding for someone else’s purpose to meet someone else’s ends. 

I can tell you from experience that it feels totally fulfilling when your gifts are not only recognized but encouraged. I feel it every day doing what I do. The best part of what I do is that I get to utilize all my true gifts to bring value to those I work with and those I serve. 

Change is good – change is growth – we all need it.

 

8.   You are unhappy with what you do

If you are unhappy with what you do, why do you do it? This cannot be an easy road. Ok, I am not naïve – I know that there are times we do things because we need to make ends meet. I totally get that – who hasn’t done that? You take a job just to make some extra money to do a few things. 

That being said, who said you had to be stuck with that? Even if you are currently in a job you hate, you don’t have to stay in it forever. Whether you believe it or not, you do have a choice – you can choose to change it. The question is – are you willing to do what you need to do to change your fate? 

Unfortunately, most people are not so instead, they convince themselves that they have no choice. The truth is that saying you have no choice is choice to do nothing and accept mediocrity. See, you do have a choice. 
  

 9.   You’ve discovered your true purpose in life

While you may have a job that you like, it certainly doesn’t trump true purpose. Also, the job you have may lead you to your true purpose in life and then you only have to transition into it. 

Life changes and evolves every day so if you discover your true purpose in life, it is your responsibility to share it with the world. It is your responsibility to make a difference in other people’s lives. The only people who don’t want to make a difference are those who would rather be fear-driven than to take right action. True heroes are not afraid to do what they were meant to do – they certainly have fears – however, right action trumps fear every time. 

Unless the job you have allows you to pursue and/or fulfill your true purpose in life, it is definitely time to quit.

 

10.   It’s just a job

The other factors don’t even matter as much until you are clear on one thing. The title of this article is “10 Significant Reasons to Quit Your Job.” The point of that is to say that, if it’s just a stinking job; it’s not a career – not a purpose.                    

Jobs are for mindless minions – and if you’re not a mindless minion, the only other reason to simply have a job is to pay your bills while you pursue your real goal. College students have jobs; people in pursuit of a dream have jobs. For the smart and happy people who have their paychecks signed by someone else, they have careers. A career is way different than a job. Careers have growth potential; careers matter – they add value and they are usually fulfilling to some degree. 

If you just have a job and no dream; no aspirations to be a part of something greater than yourself – by all means keep your job. You are a mindless minion and though it’s kind of sad – you are indeed necessary. We need you mindless minions to help the few leaders understand what not to aspire to. Sorry if that sounds harsh but it is the truth. It’s time we stop sugar-coating the truth and just come out and say it like it really is. If you serve no purpose on this plain, what the hell good are you? 
 

Just to wrap this up…

There will be many who will want to stake me to the cross for this post and there will be others who will suddenly become keenly aware. Either way, I have accepted the consequences and I am willing to live with what comes. 

That being said, don’t run out after reading this and run amuck at your job. This article is simply meant to make you think about your life and your purpose. It is a wake up call of sorts; one designed to help you see some things that may have escaped you before. 

If you make any decisions about your professional growth, just remember to think your actions through. Be strategic and plan every move before you make it. Don’t tell your boss where to stick it unless you’ve got someplace better to go. In fact, even if you do have someplace better to go – don’t burn any bridges while you do it. You never know when you may need to cross that bridge again. So as they say “let bygones be bygones”; let whatever grievances you have be “water under the bridge.” This way the bridge remains in tact should you need it again.  

Well there they are; Dean’s 10 significant reasons to quit your job. Send me your 10 at: dean@deanlforbes.com. We’ll have a good laugh. 
 

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How to Develop and Cultivate Wisdom

Contrary to what many believe, wisdom is not simply a byproduct of aging and getting old. Sure, for the most part we all will gain some wisdom from our life experiences over time BUT, that’s really just one facet of wisdom. True sage-like wisdom requires real effort and takes time to develop, however, it can be done and the best part is… YOU can begin developing and cultivating it at any age. 

This article will cover the fundamentals of developing and cultivating wisdom. This is a deliberate process that requires diligent work in order to achieve the results you desire. Seriously, this article is more than 3,500 words long but it is jam packed with incredible insights. If you are pressed for time and you’re really interested in the topic, I urge you to print it out for later… and read it as you sip some organic Jasmine Green Tea. 

Firstly, let me make one thing clear… wisdom is not simply a level of knowledge you acquire like a degree and then you graduate… rather it is an on-going and consistent process. Real wisdom lies in the constant growing and learning of an individual. This is a life-long process in your personal growth and development that requires a deep level of commitment.

 

The Fundamental Building Blocks of Wisdom

Developing and cultivating wisdom requires that you consistently feed the four quadrants of you… your mind, body, heart and spirit. 

True wisdom is found in the oneness of these four parts of the self. The more harmonized the quadrants, the wiser your decisions will be and the more successful and impactful your actions. The difference between success and failure lie in the decisions we make and the actions we take. Aligning the four quadrants of you will certainly serve you well in making positive changes in your personal growth and development… in your life. 

I am sure that you will agree that if you knew of a way you could guarantee that you made wiser choices in your life that you’d at the very least be interested in trying it. If that’s the case then this is your challenge because there is definitely a way to guarantee you make wiser decisions and take wiser actions in your life.

 

Feed Your Mind

Wisdom begins with knowledge and as such, you must consistently feed the mind. Notice that I said mind and not brain. The reason for this is that feeding your mind doesn’t just consist of the knowledge you consume into your brain, it also includes stimulating the mind with ideas and new experiences. It involves communicating and connecting with others on an intellectual level. It requires the desire to understand things and people on a deeper level rather than just a superficial one. 

Here’s a starter list of some examples of feeding the mind. 

Read

Reading is fundamental and it could not be truer than in the case of the pursuit of developing and cultivating wisdom. From books, to articles, to blogs and all types of literature, you should always be reading something. You should even read literature that is not in line with your core principles and values because it will either make you more convicted in your beliefs or give you a new perspective. 

Either way, you grow in your knowledge and understanding of the world. I can tell you flatly that these days I am virtually never without a book to read (or listen to in the car). I read constantly and emphatically… I have a genuine thirst for knowledge. 

Talk

You have to talk to people if you want to gain deeper insight and understanding of them. When I say talk to people, I don’t mean walking up to your random stranger and striking up a conversation… although I have done that. Start with people you know, your family, your friends and co-workers. Exchange ideas with the intent to understand their point of view so well that you can repeat it back to them with clarity. This will help you develop a sharp wit and intuition about people in general and also help you hone in on what makes a person tick.

The one caveat here is that you have to be absolutely genuine in your actions. You have to desire to truly exchange ideas and understand the other person or people to whom you are speaking. Simply put superficial and meaningless chit-chat won’t work. 

Share Experiences

Another effective way to develop and cultivate wisdom is to gain insight to how others experience the world and have them learn how you experience it. It doesn’t much matter what the experiences are so long as they are real. Although you will find many commonalities, the real gems are in the discovery of how two people can experience the same thing in entirely different ways.

For instance, take the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center at which time I was working at the Financial Center directly across from the towers joined by an overhead walkway. Some of the people I spoke with afterwards who had watched the whole thing unfold on television were absolutely horrified at what they saw. Watching people jump/fall out of skyscrapers to their death was extremely traumatizing for many of these people. 

Now, for those of us who experienced this on the scene like I, it was more humane to see these people fall because from our vantage point we could see that many of them were literally on fire. So, it was either burn to death or jump to death. I don’t know about you but if death is certain and those are my choices, jumping seems quicker and less painful than burning. 

Do you see how much you can learn when you see things from different perspectives? I apologize if I stirred up any ill feelings with my choice of example because this was probably the saddest and scariest day in my life so I understand… like I said, I was there. (Maybe I’ll cover this in depth in another article… we’ll see) 

Go Places

The mind needs constant newness in order to continue growing so you have to go places and see new things if you want to do this. When was the last time you visited a museum – which reminds me I’m overdue on that one myself? Have you seen a Broadway show lately? 

Seriously, when was the last time you went some place where you really learned something new… saw the world in a different light… from a different angle? I can’t stress enough how important this is. I am not saying that you have to be some kind of history, art and culture junkie but it wouldn’t hurt to gain some insight on how other people lived and live besides you. Learning about the world around you is an effective way to feed the mind. Equally, so is learning and understanding the past as it will give you insight into where we are coming from and foresight about the future.

 

Feed Your Body

Many people think that the body has nothing to do with wisdom. These are the same people who probably live inside their own heads without ever taking the time to come out and play with others. They are completely clueless – seriously, anyone who believes the whole world exists in the mind is on his/her way to the abyss because it is impossible to learn anything new or add any real value to anyone if you never step outside yourself.  

Feeding your body is vital to the process of developing and cultivating wisdom because your body houses the mind – just for starters. Think about it for a moment… how will you diligently seek to feed the mind or any other quadrant for that matter if you are physically incapable? Without a healthy body, you won’t be able to mount the effort it will take to develop and cultivate wisdom. 

Your body needs many things in order to function optimally. Here are a few suggestions on the more important elements to feed the body for the purposes of developing and cultivating wisdom. 

Exercise

Didn’t you just know this was going to come up? Well, at the risk of sounding cliché, exercise is an absolute must. The fact is that it is proven that you feel better, have more energy and radiate more positivity when you exercise – not to mention improved sex drive and vitality.  

You don’t have to become a gym fly but you do have to consistently exercise your body. This could mean 30 minutes of walking everyday, which can do wonders for your body, or hitting the gym 2-4 times a week. If you are pressed for time, you can schedule time to work out at home. I’ve always loved doing a lot of calisthenics… pushups, pull-ups and sit-ups, etc. It’s not exactly going hard at the gym but it gets my juices going which is what’s important. 

Rest

This is so important and in many cases the hardest to accomplish. I personally struggle with this one daily because my wife and I haven’t found the right balance yet… we have two young daughters. Our older is a 2 years old and our younger is 1 year old as of the publishing of this article. It’s extremely challenging but I have also experienced the other side and the profound differences it made in my attitude, my creativity and my energy. 

Rest is vital because it keeps your body fresh and balanced. It renews you when you’ve had enough and makes you feel revitalized. A good rule of thumb is to aim for approximately 8 hours of sleep between the hours of 10 PM and 6 AM. This time frame is considered by many experts to be optimal for the body’s calibration. 

Eat Healthily

Now, this bit of information could be considered subjective, however, speaking from experience, I’d say that it makes a major difference. Your diet is what fuels the cells of the body allowing it to function appropriately. It stands to reason then, that if you feed the body crap food, you’ll get crap functionality. You know… garbage in – garbage out.

Without getting on a soap box and going off on a fanatical tirade about eating a healthy diet, I’ll just provide some simple tips on how you can begin to improve your eating habits and preserve a healthy body.

 

• Do not eat in fast food restaurants – the food in these places are toxic at best and promote obesity and a plethora of fatty-food derived diseases

 

• Stay away from processed foods – this for the most part means any mass manufactured food because they are loaded with preservatives and artificial colors that are made in a lab and therefore no good for you at all; processed foods also have a major link to obesity and heart problems among other things that are bad for your health

 

• Eat natural and organic foods – eat as much food that is closer to nature as possible; science is good and it has its uses but science no matter how good is not better than nature. Natural and organic foods have no preservatives or artificial additives that are made in labs and therefore a thousand times better for you

 

• Drink lots of pure filtered water – I am extremely challenged with this one but I know from experience that it works; 8 glasses a day should do the trick 

I know that a healthy diet might seem way off base for the topic but trust me, it’s very relevant. Personally, my family and I now eat close to 95% pure organic foods at home and rarely eat out at restaurants. I am not saying that you need to make that commitment in order to achieve your goal but I am saying that I feel a thousand times better than I did when I ate crap foods all the time and my energy level has gone through the roof since the transition began in early 2007.

 

Feed Your Heart

If you don’t feed your heart, you will be much less able to connect with people on a deeper level. Most wise choices require a strong synergy between the mind and heart. Feeding the heart will make you more apt to deal with emotional situations; it will help you discern the best course of action in seemingly muddy waters. Many believe that it is in the matters of the heart lies the greatest wisdom. I don’t know if I’d go that far but I’d say that there is certainly a great deal of wisdom in dealing with matters of the heart. 

Feeding the heart does not mean reading a bunch of romance novels or watching meaningless soap operas on television. In order to feed the heart you have to seek out and develop true connection with others. You can simply start with connecting and re-connecting with your family and friends. These are the people closest to your heart and whenever you can be of service to them, it will feed your heart. Simply being a strong shoulder to cry on or an empathetic listener can go a long way to helping someone and even further in feeding the heart. These are real connections when approached with genuine intent. 

You can make connections through direct or indirect channels. By direct channels I mean that you can seek to truly connect with the people you know, meet and come in contact with. By indirect channels on the other hand, I mean that you can volunteer your time and/or services to help those in need or donate to a cause that moves you. Either way, you feed your heart… real connections with people feed the heart. 

Why is this important? This is important because through these acts you will gain invaluable insight into the different things that motivate others. You will discover the little things that inspire and give others direction. 

Why is this important? This is important because in order to exercise true wisdom in your decisions and your actions, you need to know what moves people. It’s not so much that you need to know what moves every single person individually but more that you need to understand how to reach people on a deeper level. This helps you develop your intuition and you will develop the ability to empathize with anyone in most any situation. 

Once again, the caveat is that you have to be genuine in your actions. It is impossible to make true, lasting, impactful and meaningful connections with people if you don’t genuinely desire to do so. A good example of this came to me when I first met my good friend and mentor Ann Mincey. There was a going-away party scheduled for one of the executives at the company where I worked and even though I wasn’t on the invitation list, I ended up at this party. In any case, I’d heard of Ann Mincey many times but never had the pleasure of meeting her although it was an aspiration of mine. 

Shortly after arriving at the party, in walks Ann and to my surprise, she made a b-line straight for me. It was unexpected and exciting all at the same time. She proceeded to introduce herself to me and then asked me what has brought me to this company. The amazing thing was that Ann didn’t simply want to know my name, rank and serial number, she wanted to know me. In her words, she said to me “Tell me your story.” For a moment I thought she was just making small talk but she was serious about the question. Needless to say Ann gave me captive audience in a room full of big-wigs for a whole 30 minutes. I’ve rarely felt more special, loved and connected with than in that moment. 

We often reminisce about it together and I can tell you we made a genuine connection… Ann really went out of her way to connect with me on a deeper level and our relationship is stronger than ever. So suffice it to say that if you are going to connect with people, do it for real. In essence, you have to show love to others. 

By the way, Ann Mincey is one of the wisest people I know… I’ve learned many things from her.

 

Feed Your Spirit

Feeding your spirit really rounds out the others because the spirit is your body’s inner compass. It is the beacon of faith through which belief is strengthened. This is how you renew yourself on a whole so that you can continuously begin anew. As you gather information, learn new things and discover different insights, renewing is the part of the process that helps you boil it all down into meaningful experiences. 

When I say feed your spirit, it is not simply about your religious beliefs, it goes much deeper than that. It’s about your personal growth and development and how you process the changes you’ve made in your life. It’s how you improve your self-awareness and align your values with your actions. Feeding your spirit is all about leading a life that enriches the soul and fulfills your deepest human desires. 

There are many ways that you can feed your spirit – this is truly an individual thing. It depends on who you are and what interests you. That being said, there are a few general concepts that tend to work across the board.

Private time

This is a time for you and you alone in solace. It is a time for reflection and re-evaluation. If you have a journal, you should be writing in it a lot during this time. Many people, including me, often make light of private time but it is so important to your growth. I have now put it on a schedule to ensure that I keep the appointment with myself. YES… it’s that important! 

Give thanks

You should give thanks everyday for your many blessings. Say thank you to the ones you love often for their love and support and say thank you privately to the universe for delivering your blessings. I actually state this in my Personal Mission Statement as something I will do every day. This should be elementary but so often we forget to do these simple things… pay this simple tribute of giving thanks for the things we have. Do it until it’s a habit. 

Meditate

This is an extremely powerful exercise no matter what method you choose. Meditation clears up so much clutter when you commit to doing it, it’s almost uncanny. I don’t think I meditate often enough but the times that I have, I have experienced deep cleansing and clarity beyond my imagination. In fact, it’s a huge part of my article writing preparation. Clearing your mind gives you a chance to re-work the pieces of the puzzle and put it back together in your head in a way that works best for you. It improves your lucidity and precision in your decisions and actions – you know development and cultivation of wisdom. 

Seek fellowship

Whether you find it in your house of worship or around the dinner table, fellowship is crucial to the growth of the spirit. It renews your sense of why you are who you are and why you do what you do. It really brings to light the values that are most important to you. 

Getting together with family can be an extremely uplifting experience especially when there is hearty laughter and unconditional sharing involved. It doesn’t matter who you are, where you’re from and what you do, we all need to form bonds with other people. Whether we know it or not, there are no bonds more important than those formed between human beings. It is through these bonds that we learn, grow and change the most. There is a reason why people ultimately go crazy when they reside in seclusion for long periods of time… they lack human contact. 

Fellowship with others nurtures synergy and helps you harness the power of oneness not only with self but with others. The pinnacle of excellence in building relationships is the ability to work effectively in unison with others. 

If you are not close to your immediate family, seek fellowship with your friends; if you don’t have many friends, join a club. The point is that, fellowship is an important part of developing and cultivating wisdom.

 

All or Nothing

If you are willing to practice in these four areas, I guarantee you will see significant and profoundly positive results in your decisions and your actions. You will realize, just as I did, that wisdom is not a level of degree you acquire but rather it’s an on-going journey of growth and personal development. Others will begin coming to you for advice because you’ve exercised such wisdom in your own life. 

If on the other hand you are not willing to go the distance and practice feeding the four quadrants of you consistently, you will fall short in your wisdom development and cultivation. Eventually, as the world changes, your decisions and your actions will be out of touch with reality because you lack the right foods. 

The fact is the more closely aligned these four quadrants are, the wiser the decisions you make and the actions you take. 

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How to Develop and Cultivate Authentic Leadership

If you are not a leader and do not have any interest in becoming one – STOP NOW – don’t bother reading one more word of this article. It would be absolutely pointless since you won’t benefit and neither will anyone else because you’re content with being ordinary. 

Are you still there? 

Awesome – that makes you extraordinary – for sticking around that is. 

Authentic leadership is a quality that is far too scarce; not enough of us are willing to participate in something greater than ourselves. This is probably because the road isn’t always easy and the price is steep. The commitment necessary to facilitate the emergence of authentic leadership is not something most are willing to accept. 

For the few who are and do, the goal of this article is to provide insights that can undoubtedly help you develop and cultivate authentic leadership. I will share with you what I have learned from some of the finest minds of the last half century; from my experience and many incredible mentors.

 

What is Authentic Leadership?

Authentic Leadership requires that you be the epitome of the changes you want to see in the world. It is leading others by example, doing the right things while exercising the humility to stand with people and not above them. 

It is not about being perfect; it is about the continuous pursuit of excellence not only in self but also in others. My good friend and mentor, Ann Mincey, once gave me a gift of what she sees in me. She presented me with a simple card that read “Others.” This card, once given to her by her pastor, represented the true purpose of leadership in one word. Others simply means that you seek to find the best in and grow others. That’s authentic. 

Authentic leaders are not afraid to roll up their sleeves and get their hands dirty; in fact, you will not find one that would ever ask of anyone what he/she is not willing to do himself/herself. 

Again, it is not about being perfect but rather a constant drive to embody these qualities with the sole purpose of making a positive difference in the lives of others.

 

Who is an Authentic Leader?

No, the answer is not simply anyone; however, it is anyone with the courage to live his/her values no matter what. This person can come from anywhere; from any walk of life; any color, creed or stature – it doesn’t matter. As long as you are open and willing to learn what it takes to tap into your incredible human potential; to unleash your powerful creativity and tenacity in sharing your true gifts – you are an authentic leader. 

If you dare to be different in taking right action even in the face of extreme adversity; if you possess the valor to stand alone on your principles – you are an authentic leader. Contrary to popular belief, leaders are neither born nor made, rather they emerge. They can pop up anywhere and at anytime; it depends on what the situation is and who is involved. If there is a person within the ranks that possess the qualities outlined above – a leader will emerge. 

Now, I won’t mince words with you or offer you fluff. The fact that you’re reading this means that you’re way too smart for that. I believe, based on the information available at the time of this publication that 99% of people will not emerge as authentic leaders. Forgive me if that sounds a bit pessimistic; I assure you I am not. The plain fact is that most people simply will not commit to this challenge either because of fear paralysis or complacency. Either way – they will remain sheep. What about you? 
  

The 2 Paradigms of Authentic Leadership

There are 2 paradigms of authentic leadership; independent and interdependent. It is in the mastery of these 2 paradigms lies complete authentic leadership. 

Your understanding of both of these is crucial if you want to develop and cultivate authentic leadership. 

Independent Leadership – Succeed with self

Independent leadership requires a commitment to personal growth, change and evolution. Stephen R. Covey, one of my favorite authors calls this “Private Victory.” 

Private victories are mainly focused on your personal growth and development. It is in this mode of leadership that you define who you are, what your values are and how you respond to the world around you. This is the development and cultivation of personal authentic leadership. 

There are 3 main elements that help you achieve excellence in your independent leadership. This is how you succeed with self.

1. Be proactive – you must accept 100% responsibility for your actions and responses to the people and circumstances around you. It doesn’t matter where you are from and how you were raised; you have the power to choose your path. This includes what you do and how you do it. Being proactive means that you march to the beat of your own drum. You do not react only when someone or something acts on you – that’s reactive. Rather, you take action to make things happen; you move and influence the people and circumstances around you – that’s proactive. 

2. Begin with the results you desire – plan your goals from the finish line backwards. When you understand and are clear on your mission, it is easier to mount the correct strategy to achieve your goal. Your success depends on how well you can express your objective.  Your intent and desire is your compass for developing the correct map to reach your destination successfully.

3. Prioritize appropriately – authentic leadership demands that you put first things first instead of last. It also demands that you don’t waste your energy on meaningless and trivial matters that add no value to anyone. You must learn to execute around priorities; make sure you place high value on the things that matter most to you. Do not take anything for granted because that which we take for granted we lose. Remember the important things and sometimes these are the little things and then endeavor to address them in order of importance. Give them the time and energy that they require; that they deserve. 

Interdependent Leadership – Succeed with others

Interdependent leadership requires a commitment to successfully connecting and collaborating with others. Stephen R. Covey calls this “Public Victory.” 

Public victories are mainly focused on working with and growing others. It is in this mode of leadership that you define how you will add value to others and also how you will cherish and nurture the gifts of others in valuing them. This is the development of authentic public leadership. 

There are 3 main elements that help you achieve excellence in your interdependent leadership. This is how you succeed with others.

1. Seek the third alternative – the third alternative says that you only accept win/win outcomes otherwise you walk away. The main point of the third alternative is to seek the best course of action in all your endeavors. The best course of action is one where all parties affected are happy with the results. If this is not feasible at any given time, then the best course of action is to walk away with clean hearts. This type of attitude sparks excellence in creativity and cooperation.

2. Listen first before you speak – authentic leaders are master listeners; they recognize that it is a gift and they give it often. It is better to first understand others before seeking to have them understand you. In order to succeed at understanding, you must genuinely want to do it. No matter how many books you read and from whom you take advice, you will not hear a thing others say unless you truly want to. True understanding requires that you listen actively with the intent to hear what the other person has to say.

3. Value Collaboration – 2 heads are truly better than one. J. Paul Getty said “I’d rather have 1% each of 100 men than 100% of one man.” This is because he understood the power of cooperation. He understood that it is through synergy that the pinnacle of excellence is achieved. Authentic leaders encourage and reward creativity; they praise those who speak up and they teach others to find their voice. You must place high value on collaboration in order to succeed in interdependent leadership.  

These 2 paradigms of authentic leadership make up the authentic leader; I know of none who do not understand these and strive to succeed at them daily. They consistently seek to learn and grow so that they can succeed in private as well as in public.

 

What’s Next?

First of all, you should know that nothing in this article is original except for my style of writing. It is all based on universal and unchanging principles – natural law. These have always worked and will continue to work indefinitely. 

If you truly want to be an authentic leader, reading this article is a great start. If you wish to continue your journey, here are several more things I suggest you do immediately.

1. Add this blog to your favorites
2. Share it with others
3. Subscribe to the P³G Newsletter
4. Subscribe to my RSS feed
5. Read the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
6. Get off your ass and take action 
    

Don’t get discouraged and never give up because we need you to lead us.

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Killer Series: 7 Steps to Killer Success

I wrote an article titled The Epiphany of Complete Success wherein I outlined my best insights on the elements that must be present in order to experience success in all its forms. The goal of that article was to help you recognize your own gifts and talents and then to find innovative ways to share them with the world. Furthermore it was about helping you to understand that unless you discover your true purpose, complete success will continue to elude you. 

There was also a segment in that article where I talked about the fact that we all have the ability to achieve complete success BUT that 99% of us won’t because we refuse to wake up to the possibilities. This is still true; however, I wanted to provide some more practical insights to help you stand apart from the 99% and become a part of the top 1%. 

The goal of this article is to provide a simple step-by-step guide on how to achieve Killer Success. This is the type of success that 100% of people dream of but only 1% actually does something about it. I know – you’re used to the 80/20 rule which is still true; however, I want us – YOU – to aim for the pinnacle of success. I want you to reside in the top 1% and I’m sure you do too. 

Achieving Killer Success requires a great deal of discipline, commitment and determination. People who achieve at this level don’t know what it feels like to quit; they persevere even when all the odds are against them. They leave it all on the line in pursuit of a dream greater than themselves. They are completely purpose-driven and whatever they do, they put people first. This is how you achieve Killer Success. 

Following are 7 steps to help guide you on your journey to achieving your own killer success. Practicing these steps will undoubtedly catapult your success to heights you have not yet imagined and then some. 
 

Step #1: Start at the finish line

I know – it might sound a little strange to you. Why would anyone suggest that you start a race at the finish line? 

This goes back to the doctrine of being a purpose-driven individual. When you know where you are going and how you intend to get there, most of your battle is already won. All you have to do now is execute the steps accordingly. 

All people who achieve killer success understand how crucial it is to envision your goal before you take the first step towards it. Have you ever heard the term “keep your eye on the prize?” If you can already see yourself at the finish line as the first person through the tape – your focus will be more acute. You will be able to execute the necessary steps much more effectively because you know exactly where you are going and how you plan to get there. 

This is sometimes referred to as goal-setting; it is the point in the process where you pinpoint exactly what it is you want to achieve and then see it accomplished in your mind’s eye before it actually happens. This is called creating the vision; it centers your actions on the ultimate goal thereby making your every move relevant and purposeful in achieving your end. 

Imagine what you want the people you love and know to say at your funeral; imagine the legacy you wish to leave behind for your children. Unless you have a clear picture of that, how will you know how to live your life accordingly? The fact is that all people who achieve killer success begin every journey with the end in mind. This keeps you focused and on target. 

Some people say, “I would love to change where I am”; however, the truth is where you are is the present and that you cannot change because it has already happened. What you can change is where you want to be BUT if you don’t have an idea where that is, it will be hard to take the right actions to get there.

 

Step #2: Draw the correct map

If step #1 is where you create the vision then step #2 is where you map it out. This is called vision-mapping. Once your goal – the finish line – is crystallized in your mind, you have to draw the correct map. 

This means that you have to figure out what resources, tools and people you need to help you achieve your goal. Drawing the correct map does not necessarily mean the fastest way to your destination – it means taking the right actions to achieve the results you desire. To achieve killer success the correct map must be grounded in universal and correct principles. When you begin to connect the dots, it must always be for the right reasons. 

Since this is your map, there is no reason you can’t change it midstream as long as the change is grounded in correct principles. This means that on the road to your killer success, you must always put people first and things second; things you can replace – people you cannot. 

The correct map also requires that you pay close attention to the signs on the road lest you get led astray.  So often people start out on a road with one purpose only to find that by the end of the journey they’ve gone completely off course and the purpose they started with has been eroded. Can you imagine trying to get to Denver with a map of Boston? You’ll never make it.

Again, your map may change and the different stops you make along the way may change; however, you must stay true to your purpose. Each step you take must reflect your vision – your ultimate goal.

 

Step #3: Employ the 4 quadrants

Achieving killer success requires – demands that you go all or nothing. You must be in it all the way with every fiber of your being. This is what it means to employ the 4 quadrants of YOU. Your heart, mind, body and spirit must be as one on this course in order to achieve the results you desire. 

If your heart is not in it then your reasons for pursuing this course will be muddled and blurred. Your vision will be unclear and you will easily go off track. Your heart is where the correct emotions and deep passion come from in order to fuel your actions. If it is not in the right place you’ve already set yourself up for failure. 

Your mind is the source of creation and innovation; this is your source of creating the vision and connecting the dots. With your heart in the right place, your mind will unleash more creative and innovative power than you can imagine. If your mind is not in it, your plan will certainly go awry. 

Of course without your body, you cannot take any action on the purpose your heart has given you or on the plan your mind has designed. You must be willing to act because without action, nothing will get done. Without action, your dreams will quickly become fantasies and your killer success will ultimately become killer mediocrity. Unless you get off your ass and in the game, no points will ever get on board for you. 

Your spirit is what ties everything together; it is your essence – it is the energy that you release into the world. If your spirit is correctly grounded in your purpose, it will tell you that you receive what you believe. This is a universal truth and your spirit must be in line with universal and unchanging truths – principles. Without belief, there is no way you can achieve killer success. If you believe you can’t do it, you are absolutely and unequivocally right. In the same vein, if you believe that you can do it, you are absolutely and unequivocally right. This is the universal law of belief – you receive what you believe and nothing more or less. If your spirit is not in it, your vision will surely perish. 

Individuals who achieve killer success understand that the 4 quadrants are imperative in order to achieve the results you desire. Work on aligning these with your goals and your success will multiply a thousand fold and more.

 

Step #4: Spread the wealth

Spreading the wealth speaks mainly to 2 universal principles – the law of gratitude and the law of giving. 

The law of gratitude says, the more grateful you are for what you have, the more you get to be grateful for. With killer success comes a level of humility that makes you feel grateful for all that you have. In showing that appreciation you simply get more and more to appreciate and life becomes rich in every way. This is why you must give thanks every day for the people and the things that you have. If you do this genuinely, you will certainly receive more to give thanks for.

The law of giving says that whatever it is that you want more of in your life, you should give more of it away. Often, people misconstrue what this really means. The first thought many people have is “how can I give away money if I don’t have any to give away?” This is because they do not understand that money is just a byproduct of success – it is not success itself. When you understand this concept, you begin to realize that what you need to give away is not money per se BUT the wealth you have in your life. 

For instance, you can give away love, knowledge, help, kindness, and a host of other things that cost you nothing at all. If you are creating and distributing value to others, the byproducts of your success will begin to show up in your life and if you want more of those byproducts then you can give those away too. The law of giving says that the more you give, the more you will receive. The caveat is that you should not give with the expectation of receiving something in return – that is disingenuous. You must always give with the intention to simply give; to create a distribute value to someone else. 

When you do this genuinely, the universe will and must respond to you in kind. You will receive more than you give in return. So don’t hoard the wealth – spread it as much as you can. Do it willingly, happily and only with good intentions and your killer success will certainly flourish.

 

Step #5: Pay it forward

In the same vein as spreading the wealth, killer success demands that you teach and mentor others in some way. Through the steps you take to achieve your killer success, there were resources, tools and most importantly people that helped you along the way. Paying it forward simply means that you endeavor to do the same for others. It means that you help others avoid the pitfalls that you may have suffered on your journey. It means that you share your experience with others so that they might learn from it. 

When you give in this manner, it will help you avoid one of the major pitfalls of success – GREED. Paying it forward will serve as a constant reminder that you did not do this on your own and that you have others to thank. You honor that memory by providing the same or better opportunities for others. You help others find their voice and teach them how to draw correct maps. 

There is not a single individual that I know of who has achieved killer success that hasn’t made it a point to consistently pay it forward. Some do it in BIG ways and others in small ways. Either way, they do it consistently.

 

Step #6: Value Principles

Unless you place high value on principles, killer success will continue to escape you. In all that you do, you must adhere to correct principles. The universe acts without emotion; without judgment. It simply responds to natural laws no matter what. 

Have you ever noticed that the more down you are the more the universe works to keep you down? Conversely, the more up you are the more the universe works to keep you up – these are natural laws at work. They act in the same fashion no matter what others do or say. They are unchanging and universal truths – principles.

Killer success demands that you value and adhere to correct principles in order to achieve the results you desire. This is the secret that all killer successful individuals understand. It is the fuel that drives and maximizes the first five steps. Unless you value principles, you will eventually run out of gas and your quest for killer success will fall flat.

 

Step #7: Do what you love

This step should probably go without saying; however, as I often say – better to be thorough. There is no point in practicing any of these steps if the 7^th is not a part of the regimen. Doing what you love will help to further ensure that you say and do things for the right reasons as you pursue your goals; it ensures your commitment. 

Of all the examples I can think of there isn’t a single person who has achieved killer success that isn’t doing what he or she loves to do. This being said, it is easy to misunderstand what it really means to do what you love. 

For some individuals, they do not or refuse to see how doing what they love will bring them success because they don’t see it relation to money. The truth is that the moment you are doing anything for money, the love is not for what you’re doing – it’s for the money. This is a sure way to derail your killer success. 

Remember the heart in the 4 quadrants? You have to love what you’re doing in order to find the true value in it and then endeavor to distribute that value. Believe me, the byproduct money will eventually show up and it will be more than you need. This again goes back to the natural laws – the universe will respond in kind. 

Another way to view this is that while what you do for a living is not the thing you love or what you are passionate about – it must be the means to that end. In other words, you may choose to do one thing in order to create the space and the freedom for you to do another – to do the thing you love. 

For instance, let’s say you love to travel – you are extremely passionate about it. You love visiting different parts of the world and learning about new cultures. Let’s also say, it’s not necessarily something you want to use as a vehicle for creating monetary success but you would rather keep it as your private dream. What do you do? 

Well, it would be naïve to think that in this case simply doing what you love will bring you killer success. It may bring you success in your peace of mind and personal fulfillment; however, it won’t keep a roof over your head or put food in your belly. This is where the other 3 quadrants come in to save the day – this is why you need them all. 

Your mind will create an innovative way for you to share your other gifts and talents with the world and your body will execute the plan that will give you the monetary success you need so you can pursue your true love at your leisure. Once your spirit is in line with correct principles as you do what you do – you will reap the right results. 

Doing what you love then simply means that your actions are grounded in correct principles and that the map you follow ultimately leads you to what you love to do. It may be that your map is all about doing what you love or you have simply created a map that consistently takes you to what you love. Either way the goal is to do what you love. 

When you begin doing what you love – you will never have to work another day in your life. This is a beautiful thing.  

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Moving Up In a Down Economy

The state of the economy is always at the forefront of the media as well as top of mind for people. It goes without saying that there is a legitimate concern with the financial status of our government at all times. 

There is a constant sense of anticipation in the air as it pertains to careers, businesses and the world economy at large.  Everyone has a stake in the health of the economy; some folks are worried about losing their jobs while others worry about failing in business. In either case, the state of the economy weighs on your mind. 

The good news in all of this is that no matter what the media portrays and regardless of how the economy is doing; some folks still tend to do very well. It seems no matter how bad things seem to be, there are professionals and business owners who almost always seem to be moving up even in a down economy. 

Do you want to be one of these individuals? 

The goal of this article is to provide you with some tips on how you can ensure that you continue an upward momentum even in a down economy.

 

For Professionals

If you have a career and you want to ensure that it keeps growing and getting better, there are definitely some things you can do to achieve the results you desire. 

There are 2 key things you must remember at all times and then endeavor to make sure that every move you make is aligned with at least one or both. You should be certain that whatever you do in your career that you are either making or saving your company money. 

This is the main reason most companies exist – to make a profit. If you can understand that, then it should be pretty easy to grasp the concept of making or saving your company money. You don’t have to perform duties that are in direct correlation with either of these activities; however, at the end of the day, your role must tie back to at least one or both. 

There are a few adjustments you can make to improve your status among your colleagues and management teams. These tips will help ensure that they see your relevance as it pertains to one or both of the keys.

1. Embody the company mission – make sure that you understand this inside-out and then align your actions with it every chance you get. If you don’t believe in the company mission, this will be extremely difficult for you.  Start each presentation and project plan with the goal of fulfilling the company mission.

2. Start solving problems – choose a problem that your company has and then solve it. First make sure that you can quantify the resolution in dollars and cents; either by how much the company will make or how much it will save as a result. If the resolution to the problem does not directly or indirectly tie to making or saving the company money, choose one that does. 

3. Increase productivity – find ways to get more done in less time; this alone can solidify your stature in the eyes of the brass. I don’t mean that you should kill yourself trying to do this; I mean work smart and locate alternative resources that will help you achieve the results you desire.

4. Request a meeting with your boss – this is where you let your boss know that you are thinking about the future of the organization; in this meeting you want to ask for his/her input on the main things you ought to focus on in order to help the company achieve its objectives. This move shows initiative; it is just the type of proactive stance that companies look for and keep. 

If you really think about this, there are many more tips you may be able to add as well depending on where you work and what you do. Just make sure that what ever you do is either making or saving your company money. If you are not doing one of these things either directly or indirectly, watch your six. 

Other things you can do to ensure that you continue to move up in a down economy involve your personal growth activities. Always seek out venues, events and people that can help you improve your skills and value. Make sure that you keep your resume current because sometimes moving up means moving out. You don’t want to get caught with your pants down.  

If you don’t have a mentor, now is a good time to get one. In fact, get 2 or more and make sure that one of them is an influential person within your organization. This is what influential people live to do – influence! Trust me, you have only to ask a few people to be your mentor and if your reputation is in good standing, I doubt you have any trouble. 

An influential mentor can come in handy when it’s time to hand out pink slips – guess who won’t be getting one if your mentor likes you. No one gets rid of their protégé unless it is absolutely necessary. 

Moving up in a down economy demands that you stay fresh and relevant to the decision-makers. You have to remain visible; in order to do that, you must be part of high visibility things. Being a part of the solution, increasing output and reducing time and being proactive are all highly visible elements.

 

For Entrepreneurs

If you are a business owner, your main concern is losing profits. You obviously need a certain amount of revenue to sustain your business and a down economy does not necessarily make that easy. 

Here’s the silver lining for you; if you can begin viewing the state of the economy as an opportunity as opposed to a problem, you’re half way there. Furthermore, that attitude will put you light years ahead of the competition. You see, the most common thing that entrepreneurs do when the economy is down is join the Nay-Sayers in their negative thinking. 

The most positive and productive thing you can do for your business is to think differently. Observe the masses and do the opposite. While your competition sees problems, you see solutions to improving customer service. 

What successful entrepreneurs know is that no matter what state the economy is in, their main focus is always to create and distribute value to their customers. They understand that once they continue to look for new and better ways to fulfill their customers’ needs, their value to those customers will increase immediately. 

One of the chief goals of consumers, especially in a down economy, is to feel secure and valued with the people with whom they do business. There is no question that if your product or service is relevant and you find ways of creating and distributing value to your customers, your business will continue to grow. You will move up in a down economy. 

Those who do not focus on this crucial aspect of their businesses will undoubtedly kill their profits. If you want to continue moving up in any economy, focus and creating and distributing value to your customers. With consumers holding on tighter to their wallets, what will make them open them up to you? You must offer something of value to them – that is the only way.

 

Keen Awareness

For anyone who wishes to continue moving up in a down economy, it is important that you raise your awareness of the definition of value as it pertains to what you do. It is your responsibility to decipher the best ways of adding value in your capacity. Simply knowing the ropes and technical aspects of your role is no longer enough to sustain you. 

Whether you are in a good or bad economy, your primary goal should always be seeking newer and better ways of adding value. Regardless of your job description, what type of career you have or type of business you own, focusing on adding value will undoubtedly yield greater rewards. 

When your level of awareness is at a high level, you will be able to hone in on specific areas wherein you can add the most value. Knowing what the people around you need most is crucial in delivering the best value. 

If you work for someone else, you should also pay close attention to your goals as they pertain to your company’s goals. Make sure that you evaluate these periodically to ensure alignment. When things fall out of alignment, you can easily get caught in the activity trap only to discover too late that you were chasing the wrong rabbit. 

If you own your own business, evaluate your goals often just to make sure that the ends and the means work harmoniously. The last thing you want to do is harm your reputation by doing something that goes against your principles. Whatever you tell your customers you’re going to do, you must do exactly that. Do not cut corners otherwise your customers will eventually cut you. Be sure to survey them often so that you remain in the know about their most urgent needs and then meet them. 

The bottom line is, endeavor to continuously raise your awareness about what you do and whom you serve. If you make this a habit you will have no trouble moving up in a down economy.

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10 Common New Year’s Resolutions That Usually Fail

Recently I published a newsletter comparing New Year’s resolutions to Real Goals; in that issue, I explained the differences between the 2 and why goals are always better to set than making empty promises to yourself via New Year’s resolutions. You can read this issue on my Facebook profile. 

This post is dedicated to giving you some insight into 10 common New Year’s resolutions that usually fail and the reasons that they most likely do. These are in no particular order – just some insights and observations I’ve picked up over the years.

 

1.   Lose Weight

Weight loss is definitely a top priority when it comes to making resolutions; the news constantly buzzes about it. There are always new ways and new tools to help you drop those unwanted pounds. 

Year after year though, although some people are able to lose some weight after making the resolution to do so, the majority gain the weight back and sometimes even more. Some people don’t even get off the couch to make the effort and weight loss once again becomes a pipedream. 

There are a few reasons that come screaming to mind why this resolution almost always fails:

·         No real commitment

·         No goal weight in mind

·         No deadline for when to get there 

These among other reasons will quickly derail any chance of keeping this resolution. Another major factor is the emotions that run so deeply for many people who struggle with weight. These feelings can be painful and therefore discouragement can set in quickly when the odds appear to be insurmountable.

 

2.   Make More Money

I have done this one to myself quite a few times in the past; each time I did it was a miserable failure. I couldn’t understand why I failed at this so often until I discovered a few insightful things about money and making money. 

You see, money should never really be a reason to do anything. I’ve learned that once you factor money into a decision, your actions can quickly become impulsive and eroded in pursuit of it; especially when you don’t have much in the first place. 

The resolution to make more money usually fails because people either look for the fastest way they can make money or they have no clue where to begin. In either case, this resolution is doomed before it even gets off the ground. 

Here’s why… 

Doing anything just for money almost always means that you do not have a passion for what you’re doing to make this money and therefore you do not care. That means that whether you create and deliver value to others or not doesn’t much matter as long as you make money. If you’ve gone this route before then you know it is short-lived. If you haven’t found out yet – trust me – you will. 

The other reason this resolution falls by the wayside is that you may have no clue what to do to make more money and since you stand for nothing, you end up falling for anything. There are plenty of “Get Rich Quick” schemes out there for all the suckers that are born at the turn of every year. 

The bottom line is that if you need to make more money and you do so by chasing the fastest buck or by trying the latest scams, you won’t succeed. In some cases you may even see some increase in your bank account for a while; however, I guarantee it won’t last if you continue to operate in the same vein.

 

3.   Get a New Job

This one is a very common resolution for the disgruntled employee. I’ll keep it very simple. The individuals that waste their time complaining about their jobs are the ones that never do anything about it. They threaten to leave every now and again but they continue to show up for the pain every day. 

These are the people making this resolution most of the time. Why does it usually fail? Because many people don’t even mean it when they say they are going to find a new job. Additionally, if you were to ask an individual who made this resolution, “when was the last time you updated your resume?” I can almost guarantee you might hear crickets. 

Other factors include:

• Not knowing what type of job you really want
• Do you really hate the one you have or is it the people?
• Can you solve your problem by talking to your boss?
• Is there something that can be done to make you satisfied with the job you have? 

The problem is that 99% of employees don’t ask these questions; neither of themselves nor their peers and superiors. I’ve worked on Wall Street and Main Street and this is one of those things that just don’t change no matter how much everything else does. 

The complainers and whiners threaten to quit while the leaders and heretics make plans to move forward – within or without the organization.

 

4.   Start a Business

For starters, more than 80% of all new startups fail within the first year of business. This fact already eliminates about 99% of the resolution makers since the majority people who start businesses have clear reasons for doing so. They may not have a clue how to run a business but they at least know why they started it. 

That being said, the New Year’s resolution usually fails because of a few reasons:

• No game plan
• No strategy
• No investment
• No research
• No follow up
• No sacrifice 

This list could probably go one for quite a bit but I’ll stop here. Starting a business is not a cake walk; it requires a serious commitment and an action plan to match. Simply making a resolution to do this lacks the depth of substance needed to sustain such a feat. And, if you include partners in this, things can get interesting very quickly. 

Misalignment, miscommunication, confusion and power-tripping are some of the issues that can arise quickly when starting a business becomes a haphazard task. 

If you really want to start a business, don’t make resolutions, set goals and make plans.

 

5.   Get Out of Debt

You’re not going to get out of debt until you stop the hemorrhaging. Many people claim they want to get out of debt – make the resolution to do so – only to continue spending in the exact same manner they did the year before. To top it off, they aren’t usually making any more money than they were making the year before.

Folks, getting out of debt is a serious undertaking – taking it lightly is undoubtedly a huge mistake. The main reason this resolution fails is because most people do not have a budget. They have absolutely no clue how and where their paycheck goes. They only know that they have way too much month left when the paycheck is gone. 

Another major hiccup is that many people are not willing to live without some of the things they want now so that they can get all the things they want later. Instant gratification rules the day for these folks and thus they remain in debt. The insane part is that many people who make this resolution year after year don’t understand why they are still in debt and getting in deeper. 

Simply put, this resolution will fail miserably if you do not want to give up anything or do anything differently.

 

6.   Find a Mate

In my experience, career-driven individuals usually suffer the worst of this resolution. These are the “busy people” of the world. Surely there is nothing wrong with pursuing your career – in fact I most certainly encourage it. The thing is that finding a mate requires that you put certain aspects of your life in the proper context. 

The truth is that most people who make this resolution do so because they think that it’s about time that they have a mate. After all, that’s what life is all about – finding someone with whom to share your dreams and goals. The issue is that this is definitely not a good reason to search for a mate because it can provide bad direction. 

Also, unless you are willing to actually make space in your life for a mate, one will not appear. You may think that things are supposed to fall into place after you’ve found your mate; however, this is not so. The frequency you generate must match with your heart and mind otherwise your mate will continue to elude you. 

If you are currently married to your career, your business, your church or any other activity or endeavor in your life – get unmarried first before pursuing a mate. It doesn’t mean that you let those things go – they are still important to you. It just means that you shift paradigms and put them into the proper perspective. 

In other words, how important is it for you to find a mate? To the degree that this matters to you, your efforts and actions will mirror the same.

 

7.   Exercise Forgiveness

Forgiveness tends to come the hard way most of the time; it is such a simple thing to do and yet it does not come easy. 

This is a resolution usually made when a transgression has been committed against you – some time has passed and yet it continues to eat at you. At some point the stigma of the situation becomes seemingly unbearable and forgiveness seems the best way to let it go.

The roadblock that most often pops up in these scenarios is that the person who needs to do the forgiving misconstrue why they are forgiving in the first place. Typically people believe that forgiveness is for the forgiven; however, the truth is that it is for the forgiver. Unless you recognize this simple truth, it becomes much more difficult to forgive, especially if the transgression was egregious and/or painful. 

If you do not understand forgiveness and its purpose, you will be less likely to truly exercise forgiveness. And, if you really believe that forgiveness is for the forgiven and you don’t believe that he/she deserves it – you will not follow through. You might say you will but your true colors will again come to rouse soon enough.

 

8.   Change Your Circle

A change of circle usually becomes warranted when you find that it is improbable that you will be able to make necessary personal changes while you continue to move in these circles. This can be very tough to follow through on – I have lived this one twice in my life and each time it was extremely difficult. 

Changing your circle can involve pulling away from family, friends and colleagues. You may have been hanging out with some of these folks most of your life and now in order for you to move forward, you have to remove yourself from these people. Yes – this is hard – I know. 

This resolution usually fails because the emotions that come along with doing this are often too much for the individual to bear. They are riddled with guilt, remorse and resentment all rolled into one. Accepting that nothing last forever and that with change sometimes hard decisions like these have to be made can be tough to swallow. 

In order to pull this off, you must be crystal clear about your objective and you must remove the emotions from the equation. If you are not able to do that, you will be hard-pressed to make the decision let alone take action to see this through. 

I don’t envy you if you have to face this challenge; however, I can tell you that of the two times I have had to do it, I am very happy that I did. Good luck! 
  

9.   Speak Your Mind

I have mentored and counseled many smart individuals whose main shortcoming was a lack of their own voice. They have all this tenacity and creativity bottled up inside but no courage to unleash them. 

The main reason this resolution fails is because people allow the fear of consequences to keep them in a box and dumb. The repercussion of such an act as speaking your mind is so great – in your mind – that you simply choose to clam up. 

Often, you hear individuals who make this kind of resolution say (after someone else snatches the thunder), that’s exactly what I was going to say. At this point of course, it doesn’t much matter whether you were going to say it or not. In fact, you’re better off not even letting others hear you say – “I was just going to say that.” 

Another reason this resolution fails is because many people don’t know how to express their thoughts well or they wait until it’s too bottled up and they explode. This usually leads to a “fight or flight” situation. 

If you want to keep this New Year’s resolution, remember this; speaking your mind requires 2 elements:

• Courage – grow a pair   
• Do what’s true for you and learn to live with the consequences – again – grow a pair 
   

“And that’s all I have to say about that.” – Forrest Forrest Gump.

 

10.   End a Relationship

This New Year’s resolution usually fails because of emotional confusion, withdrawal syndrome and fear. Often individuals continue a relationship in the hopes that things will change even though they don’t. This is the fundamental problem of bad relationships and why they tend to prolong. 

Many people continue to believe that one day things will miraculously change even though they do nothing differently. They don’t even so much as issue a real ultimatum – instead they tout empty threats that lose gas very quickly when the emotions come to a cool or in some cases – a boil.

The other factor is the fear of losing; even though the relationship may not be healthy, many people associate the end of a relationship as a loss. Some individuals even chalk it up as a failure rather than a change to move forward. If you cannot view the ending of a relationship as moving forward and all for the best without regrets, it will be difficult to end it. 

The bottom line is that unless you can truly understand why you need to let go; unless you can truly accept the fact that ending the relationship is the best for all parties involved; unless you can see it as a step forward, ending a relationship will be extremely difficult.

 

Phew… that was deep – now what?

Well, I have already written a couple of articles that can help you overcome the New Year’s resolution disease. If you want to discover how to set real goals and create the ultimate plan to achieve them, start by reading the following articles.

• How to Set Goals
• How to Achieve Your Goals