I believe that the single most important thing you can do in this physical existence is to make as many meaningful connections as possible. It has been my experience that the most powerful and significant experiences happen through relationships. Relationships are the glue of the universe – they hold everything together.
If you are not building successful relationships – making meaningful connections in your life, you are not pursuing your potential. You will never achieve the best of you until you make this a priority in your life.
There are in fact three possible stages to our existence – most of us only experience two of them; however, a few experience all three. If your goal is to achieve at the highest level, you must endeavor to reach all three.
The first is Dependence – from the time we are born and up to adulthood, we are dependent on our parents, teachers, etc. for our needs.
The second is Independence – as we grow older, we begin to become more aware of our personal needs and also how to attain them for ourselves. This is the stage where most people stagnate – some even believing that this is the peak of personal growth and development. This is not so.
The third is Interdependence – independent people who are secure in themselves seek out and learn how to work effectively with others. These people are the leaders among us. They understand that in order to achieve at the highest level we must form relationships with others – we must work together to achieve the best results.
This is not to say that you should not work independently – I mean there is no one else helping me to type this article. What I am saying is that learning how to work with others effectively is the pinnacle of excellence. Connection with others leads to more creativity, innovation and greatness than working alone. Forming successful relationships make a significant difference.
Whether personal or professional, there are certain basic elements that work in developing successful relationships. Of course you do not use the same language with your spouse as you would with a business partner. The goal of this article is to arm you with 7 Keys to Building Successful Relationships.
Key #1 – Trust
Without trust relationships are automatically in jeopardy. Trust is the foundation upon which all relationships are built. It may take a lifetime to build up trust but it only takes a moment to shatter it. It is the most important ingredient in a relationship and also the most fragile.
This is why trust is earned over time and continues to build throughout the relationship. Each person involved must be able to trust that you will speak the truth and that you will do what you say you will do.
It is important that you understand that a relationship does not begin with trust, rather it is built on it. In other words the more deposits you make into the trust bank, the more interest you will gain and the more open the other person will become. With each truth that you tell and each deed fulfilled as promised, your trust account will automatically increase.
The caveat is that with only one – misstep – one unfulfilled promise – your trust account could decrease significantly and in some cases completely wiped out.
This does not mean that you cannot make mistakes – these are ok as long as you deal with them appropriately which I will cover later. The point is to make sure that you say what you really mean and do the things you say you will do in order to build and maintain your trust account.
Key #2 – Purpose & Expectation
It is crucial that you know why you are building a relationship with someone. This will help you make better decisions about the things you say and the deeds you promise. When you know why you are in something, you tend to see things much more clearly.
Additionally, it is vital that you understand and know what the expectations are of the relationship. You need to know what to expect from the other person and also what is expected of you. Again, the clearer you are about this, the easier it will be to make the right decisions. One of the worse things that can happen in a relationship is having one party constantly expecting more and always receiving less.
Since purpose and expectation can change as the relationship evolves, it is imperative that you are constantly talking with each other about these. As you grow and change, you must communicate that to the other parties in the relationship so that you all remain on the same page.
This does not have to be a scheduled talk or meeting to discuss purpose and/or expectation. I am simply saying that you should know what you're getting into; I am also saying that when things change, and you'll notice if you're paying attention, you should talk about it.
Key #3 – Responsibility
Each person in a relationship has a responsibility to the other. You are each responsible for what you say and do. In successful relationships it is important that you own your words and your actions and any consequence that comes with them.
This means that when you say or do something that hurts the other person/people in the relationship, you must apologize. It must be genuine – don't do it just to do it. Own what you said or did and then make a heartfelt apology for having said or done it if in fact you did not mean to.
The other side of this could be that you meant to say what you said or do what you did and it might still hurt the other person/people in the relationship. In this case, you must again own what you said and apologize for the hurt you caused by what you said or did. Additionally, you are still responsible to also communicate that you did mean to say or do what you said or did and explain why.
While the others may not agree, they will certainly respect you for telling the truth albeit a hard one. This goes back to Key #1 – trust. You have to be truthful even when it hurts because everyone will be better off in the long run. Of course there is a certain level of sensitivity that goes along with telling hard truths so exercise prudence – do it with love and care. Just make sure that you don't sugar coat the truth.
Key #4 – Accountability
Just as with responsibility, each person in a relationship has accountability to the other. You are each accountable to live up to your words and follow through with your actions. Not only should you hold yourself accountable but each person in the relationship should hold the other accountable as well.
Accountability requires that you give an account of the results of your words and actions. Are you in fact living up to your words? Are your actions in line with what you said you would do?
If these two elements remain out of line without discussion and/or resolution, the relationship will suffer setbacks. If you are not accountable in your relationships, trust quickly goes out the window and purpose and expectation become meaningless.
Key #5 – Open Communication
You have probably heard how important open communication is in order to build successful relationships; the sad thing is most people still don't get it. Not to be harsh or anything; however, in my experience this is true.
Open communication means exactly that – open. It doesn't mean that you discuss every thing about your life with everyone you are building a relationship with. It does mean that you communicate without judgments and assumptions. No subjects, as they pertain to the nature of your relationships, should be taboo.
If you are truly communicating openly, each party must feel safe in expressing himself or herself to the other. Each person needs to believe and know that he or she will not be ridiculed or ostracized for how he or she feels and what he or she thinks. This is what it means to openly communicate.
Key #6 – Unconditional
Anything done on condition creates barriers and limitations. There are certain situations where this is warranted such as allowing convicted felons to receive visitation so long as visitors do not smuggle in contraband. If this happens the convict will lose his right to visitation. In such a case this is fair – a bit extreme of an example; however, it is important to be clear. 
In building successful relationships, all actions must be unconditional – they must come from a place of love and care. If you are on point with all the keys, this becomes a lot easier and perhaps even effortless. Love and support cannot flourish and thrive if they include conditions. If they do, this is more like bartering – I will do this if you will do that.
Unconditional means that what is important to you is important to me because you are important to me. If I believe this then I will love and support you in any way I can because I want you to be happy and I want you to succeed. Not because I will be happy and successful by doing it but simply because I know that you will be.
Unconditional also means that I will tell you the truth and at times refuse to support your ideas or actions if I truly believe that they are to your detriment. I will be able to do this if I have your best interest at heart. Loving and supporting you unconditionally means that I will act in your best interest at all times without expectation of any reward, recognition or compensation in return.
Key #7 – Give & Give
Contrary to popular belief, a successful relationship is not about give and take – it is about give and give. This falls right in line with key #6 – unconditional. In successful relationships, there is no give to get – there is simply GIVE.
The universal and natural law of Give and Receive says, the more you give, the more you will receive. Whether you expect it or not, you will receive it. The reason is that when you give unconditionally, the universe will respond unconditionally returning to you more than what you put out. This is a natural principle that exists in nature.
It stands to reason then that if you give only to get, you will receive very little because you have limited yourself. Without realizing it, you place limitations on your wealth by being stingy with your gifts. If you open your heart and give what you can without expectation, you will get much more in return.
We all receive what we believe and therefore if you believe that unconditional giving will produce abundance in your life, why not do it?
I know what some of you are thinking. What happens if I keep giving and giving in the relationship and I get nothing in return? This usually means one of two things. Either you are not holding the other party accountable or you are out of line on purpose and expectation.
If you want to build successful relationships, you must endeavor to do unto others as you would have them do unto you and do it unconditionally.
How to Use the Keys
Applying the above 7 keys will help you more easily determine where to focus your energies in building successful relationships. Additionally, it is a guide to help you discern whether or not you desire to build a relationship with someone. While forming connections with others is paramount in our personal growth, not everyone is ready or worthy of connecting with you at any given time.
Sometimes, you have to refrain or refuse to build a relationship with someone if your values are not in sync or your growth is hampered. There is no rule that says you can't walk away from a relationship if in fact you are not receiving any fulfillment from it. The point of all relationships is to help us grow and change for the better. If you are in any relationships that are not providing this for you, I have just one piece of advice – GET OUT NOW!
The 7 keys are meant for you to apply to those relationships that you believe in – the ones you know have potential for growth.
Just one more thing…
Personally, I have failed at all of these keys at different times and I have also succeeded at different times. I can say with certainty that it has been when these keys are in alignment that my relationships have flourished the most. In the times that they are not – well – I think you get the picture.
Here's to your success in building successful relationships – I wish you all the best.
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