Powerful Principles of Personal Growth

Overwhelming Lately…

Things been a bit Overwhelming lately? I know what you mean… life can often appear that way. No worries though because no matter how chaotic things might seem right now, it's a great feeling to know that we have the ability to regain control in an instant.

In my experience, whenever things get overwhelming, it usually means that I've misplaced my compass. Somewhere along the path of life, the road got a bit blurry and I went off the calculated route.

In these times, I've always found it helpful and effective to do the following 5 things which always get me right back on track.

1. Take a Breather…

It shouldn't amaze you that most of us don't ever take the time we need to just breathe. I mean really take in a deep breath or two to regain your composure and collect your thoughts. When you're feeling overwhelmed, your thoughts are usually all over the place and you have no clue if you're coming or going.

It is very important just to take a step back and then look at what's happening with fresh eyes. If you find it necessary, have someone you love and trust take a look for you and provide constructive feedback. Sometimes a good talk with a loved one or friend is all you need to put things into perspective.

The challenge that we often run into is the belief that we don't have time to stop and breathe. Nothing could be further from the truth. Trust me, we aren't so important to the grand scheme of moving the world that we can't slow down and reset. In fact, we do the entire world a disservice when we choose not to do this because we cannot operate at our best when we feel like we're drowning.

So, hit pause every once in a while – stop, look and listen and then continue. Trust me; the world will be fine for just a moment without us to run it.

2. Refresh Priorities

Once you've taken a breather, it's the perfect time to re-look at your priorities. Sometimes things become quickly overwhelming because we allow other people's priorities to become ours and it throws us off our game plan.

We all have a way of projecting our interests onto one another; we expect others to support our causes unconditionally. Ideally, that is an incredible thing; however, you just never know what is going on in another person's life. What this means is that it is very important for you to stay focused on your mission no matter what.

There's nothing we can do about other people's choices; however, we certainly have control over how we respond to what life throws at us. We have the ultimate power of choice. In refreshing your priorities, make sure you reevaluate your mission and what it will take to achieve it. Once you've identified your priorities, it is important to simply execute around them without fail.

Of course you can do other things just as long as they don't come at the cost of your true mission. Identify your priorities and stick with them.

3. Communicate Your Intent

This applies especially when you're working with others. Often times when things get overwhelming, there are way too many people involved than there needs to be. Or, at the very least people are involved in ways they ought not to be in order to achieve effective results.

In these situations, it is extremely important that you clearly and concisely communicate your intent. When you're working with others, harmony is derived from effective communication. The more clearly you can communicate what is going on with you along with your expectations, the more impacting the results you'll achieve.

The moment that a group of people working together get on the same page, chaos turns into order. Also, many times when you revisit the mission or goal with the team, you learn things that you didn't know before that may have impeded your success. For instance, people begin having what we call "aha" moments. Often times, the disarray you were feeling quickly evaporates when this happens.

It can be as simple as saying "Hey guys, wait a minute. I thought we were doing X, so how come all of a sudden we're doing Y?" A statement like that makes everyone put on the brakes and allow time for the brain to process and respond accordingly. Once this happens, you can do step number 2 together and Refresh Your Priorities from a team standpoint.

4. Let Some Things Go

It's ok to let some things go. I know that it can seem hard at times to do this; however, think about it deeply for a moment. Why are you holding on to some of the things you are? What is more important?

The point of letting go is to give you more brain power, creativity and tenacity to focus on the things that matter most. You don't have to champion every little thing – just stick to what is important to you.

Sure, do what you can do but don't let things bog you down to the point where you lose your way. It's ok to say NO.

Set your attention on your circle of influence and put your circle of concern on the back burner. Stick with the things upon which you have the most influence – where you can make the most impactful, long-lasting and positive difference.

So often it's the little things that end up overwhelming us and all we have to do is let go. It's that simple.

5. Do Your Best and Forget the Rest

One of the toughest things for people to do is to let go and be ok with it. At the end of the day, you have to simply do what's true for you and learn to live with the consequences. What this means is that as long as you believe in what you are doing; that it represents your core values and you truly believe it's the right thing then ok… just do it and let the rest be.

Whatever you choose to do, just do it to the best of your ability and know that it is good enough. In fact, it's better than good enough, it's the best – YOU are the best.

We all have to deal with the consequences of our choices so just do your best to make good choices and principle says that you will always reap great benefits.

When things get Overwhelming… and they do… practicing these 5 things always help me get back on track. I truly hope that they do the same for you.

From Dean's Library

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7 Keys to Building Successful Relationships

I believe that the single most important thing you can do in this physical existence is to make as many meaningful connections as possible. It has been my experience that the most powerful and significant experiences happen through relationships. Relationships are the glue of the universe – they hold everything together.

If you are not building successful relationships – making meaningful connections in your life, you are not pursuing your potential. You will never achieve the best of you until you make this a priority in your life.

There are in fact three possible stages to our existence – most of us only experience two of them; however, a few experience all three. If your goal is to achieve at the highest level, you must endeavor to reach all three.

The first is Dependence – from the time we are born and up to adulthood, we are dependent on our parents, teachers, etc. for our needs.

The second is Independence – as we grow older, we begin to become more aware of our personal needs and also how to attain them for ourselves. This is the stage where most people stagnate – some even believing that this is the peak of personal growth and development. This is not so.

The third is Interdependence – independent people who are secure in themselves seek out and learn how to work effectively with others. These people are the leaders among us. They understand that in order to achieve at the highest level we must form relationships with others – we must work together to achieve the best results.

This is not to say that you should not work independently – I mean there is no one else helping me to type this article. What I am saying is that learning how to work with others effectively is the pinnacle of excellence. Connection with others leads to more creativity, innovation and greatness than working alone. Forming successful relationships make a significant difference.

Whether personal or professional, there are certain basic elements that work in developing successful relationships. Of course you do not use the same language with your spouse as you would with a business partner. The goal of this article is to arm you with 7 Keys to Building Successful Relationships.

Key #1 – Trust

Without trust relationships are automatically in jeopardy. Trust is the foundation upon which all relationships are built. It may take a lifetime to build up trust but it only takes a moment to shatter it. It is the most important ingredient in a relationship and also the most fragile.

This is why trust is earned over time and continues to build throughout the relationship. Each person involved must be able to trust that you will speak the truth and that you will do what you say you will do.

It is important that you understand that a relationship does not begin with trust, rather it is built on it. In other words the more deposits you make into the trust bank, the more interest you will gain and the more open the other person will become. With each truth that you tell and each deed fulfilled as promised, your trust account will automatically increase.

The caveat is that with only one – misstep – one unfulfilled promise – your trust account could decrease significantly and in some cases completely wiped out.

This does not mean that you cannot make mistakes – these are ok as long as you deal with them appropriately which I will cover later. The point is to make sure that you say what you really mean and do the things you say you will do in order to build and maintain your trust account.

Key #2 – Purpose & Expectation

It is crucial that you know why you are building a relationship with someone. This will help you make better decisions about the things you say and the deeds you promise. When you know why you are in something, you tend to see things much more clearly.

Additionally, it is vital that you understand and know what the expectations are of the relationship. You need to know what to expect from the other person and also what is expected of you. Again, the clearer you are about this, the easier it will be to make the right decisions. One of the worse things that can happen in a relationship is having one party constantly expecting more and always receiving less.

Since purpose and expectation can change as the relationship evolves, it is imperative that you are constantly talking with each other about these. As you grow and change, you must communicate that to the other parties in the relationship so that you all remain on the same page.

This does not have to be a scheduled talk or meeting to discuss purpose and/or expectation. I am simply saying that you should know what you're getting into; I am also saying that when things change, and you'll notice if you're paying attention, you should talk about it.

Key #3 – Responsibility

Each person in a relationship has a responsibility to the other. You are each responsible for what you say and do. In successful relationships it is important that you own your words and your actions and any consequence that comes with them.

This means that when you say or do something that hurts the other person/people in the relationship, you must apologize. It must be genuine – don't do it just to do it. Own what you said or did and then make a heartfelt apology for having said or done it if in fact you did not mean to.

The other side of this could be that you meant to say what you said or do what you did and it might still hurt the other person/people in the relationship. In this case, you must again own what you said and apologize for the hurt you caused by what you said or did. Additionally, you are still responsible to also communicate that you did mean to say or do what you said or did and explain why.

While the others may not agree, they will certainly respect you for telling the truth albeit a hard one. This goes back to Key #1 – trust. You have to be truthful even when it hurts because everyone will be better off in the long run. Of course there is a certain level of sensitivity that goes along with telling hard truths so exercise prudence – do it with love and care. Just make sure that you don't sugar coat the truth.

Key #4 – Accountability

Just as with responsibility, each person in a relationship has accountability to the other. You are each accountable to live up to your words and follow through with your actions. Not only should you hold yourself accountable but each person in the relationship should hold the other accountable as well.

Accountability requires that you give an account of the results of your words and actions. Are you in fact living up to your words? Are your actions in line with what you said you would do?

If these two elements remain out of line without discussion and/or resolution, the relationship will suffer setbacks. If you are not accountable in your relationships, trust quickly goes out the window and purpose and expectation become meaningless.

Key #5 – Open Communication

You have probably heard how important open communication is in order to build successful relationships; the sad thing is most people still don't get it. Not to be harsh or anything; however, in my experience this is true.

Open communication means exactly that – open. It doesn't mean that you discuss every thing about your life with everyone you are building a relationship with. It does mean that you communicate without judgments and assumptions. No subjects, as they pertain to the nature of your relationships, should be taboo.

If you are truly communicating openly, each party must feel safe in expressing himself or herself to the other. Each person needs to believe and know that he or she will not be ridiculed or ostracized for how he or she feels and what he or she thinks. This is what it means to openly communicate.

Key #6 – Unconditional

Anything done on condition creates barriers and limitations. There are certain situations where this is warranted such as allowing convicted felons to receive visitation so long as visitors do not smuggle in contraband. If this happens the convict will lose his right to visitation. In such a case this is fair – a bit extreme of an example; however, it is important to be clear. 

In building successful relationships, all actions must be unconditional – they must come from a place of love and care. If you are on point with all the keys, this becomes a lot easier and perhaps even effortless. Love and support cannot flourish and thrive if they include conditions. If they do, this is more like bartering – I will do this if you will do that.

Unconditional means that what is important to you is important to me because you are important to me. If I believe this then I will love and support you in any way I can because I want you to be happy and I want you to succeed. Not because I will be happy and successful by doing it but simply because I know that you will be.

Unconditional also means that I will tell you the truth and at times refuse to support your ideas or actions if I truly believe that they are to your detriment. I will be able to do this if I have your best interest at heart. Loving and supporting you unconditionally means that I will act in your best interest at all times without expectation of any reward, recognition or compensation in return.

Key #7 – Give & Give

Contrary to popular belief, a successful relationship is not about give and take – it is about give and give. This falls right in line with key #6 – unconditional. In successful relationships, there is no give to get – there is simply GIVE.

The universal and natural law of Give and Receive says, the more you give, the more you will receive. Whether you expect it or not, you will receive it. The reason is that when you give unconditionally, the universe will respond unconditionally returning to you more than what you put out. This is a natural principle that exists in nature.

It stands to reason then that if you give only to get, you will receive very little because you have limited yourself. Without realizing it, you place limitations on your wealth by being stingy with your gifts. If you open your heart and give what you can without expectation, you will get much more in return.

We all receive what we believe and therefore if you believe that unconditional giving will produce abundance in your life, why not do it?

I know what some of you are thinking. What happens if I keep giving and giving in the relationship and I get nothing in return? This usually means one of two things. Either you are not holding the other party accountable or you are out of line on purpose and expectation.

If you want to build successful relationships, you must endeavor to do unto others as you would have them do unto you and do it unconditionally.

How to Use the Keys

Applying the above 7 keys will help you more easily determine where to focus your energies in building successful relationships. Additionally, it is a guide to help you discern whether or not you desire to build a relationship with someone. While forming connections with others is paramount in our personal growth, not everyone is ready or worthy of connecting with you at any given time.

Sometimes, you have to refrain or refuse to build a relationship with someone if your values are not in sync or your growth is hampered. There is no rule that says you can't walk away from a relationship if in fact you are not receiving any fulfillment from it. The point of all relationships is to help us grow and change for the better. If you are in any relationships that are not providing this for you, I have just one piece of advice – GET OUT NOW!

The 7 keys are meant for you to apply to those relationships that you believe in – the ones you know have potential for growth.

Just one more thing…

Personally, I have failed at all of these keys at different times and I have also succeeded at different times. I can say with certainty that it has been when these keys are in alignment that my relationships have flourished the most. In the times that they are not – well – I think you get the picture. 

Here's to your success in building successful relationships – I wish you all the best.

From Dean's Library

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5 Steps in Cultivating Characteristics of Leadership

There are indeed many ways to lead and a lot has been written and taught about the subject. Often times though, the element that is missed is how to cultivate the Characteristics of Leadership.

The goal then of this article is to outline for you 5 steps that ensure you cultivate great leadership at all levels once you put these into practice.

All truly great leaders understand that in order to be an effective leader, you must remain consistent. Regardless of the task at hand or the challenge before you, if the follow a simple set of principles, leadership automatically emerges.

First… I Do It

The first step in cultivating the characteristics of leadership is to lead by example. Great leaders never ask of others what they have not done themselves. So many people attempt to lead others in things and situations in which they've had no experience. This is what we call "the blind leading the blind."

If you do not know where you are going, how can you effectively lead anyone else there?

So, if you do not know how to do something, do not attempt to lead others because you can only lead them astray. You must first do it successfully and then show others how to do it.

 

Second… I Do It and You Watch Me

The second step then is for me to do it and you watch what I do. Once I have completed a task or overcome a challenge successfully, true leadership demands that others watch you do it.

Again, leading by example; very crucial in order to build credibility and trust. People trust leaders is walk their talk. All great leaders know that action inspires others so that allowing people to watch you do something is always a great inspiration.

So, now that you know how to do it, it's time to inspire others by having them watch you do it. Through this part of the process, others get to ask you questions about what and how you were able to do what you did. In essence, their job is to vet you and the process; by doing so, they are empowered to duplicate your efforts.

 

Third… You Do It and I Watch You

The third step then in cultivating the characteristics of leadership is for others to do what you just showed them and this time, you watch. The objective in this part of the process is for you to watch what they do and coach them through the process.

Now that they've seen you and you've answered all their questions, it's important for them to get their hands in it. In doing so, you'll be able to lead them through the process as their coach.

Essentially, this is where leaders help others to perfect the practice. This is where the grasshopper moves to being the master.

 

Fourth… You Do It

The fourth step then is for you to do it. Now that you've mastered the task and/or challenge, it's time for you to do it on your own. Only until you can complete the task or overcome the challenge successfully on your own can you move to the fifth and final step in the process of cultivating the characteristics of leadership.

 

Fifth… You Show Others How to Do It

Now that you've proven yourself a master, it's time to pay it forward. All truly great leaders accept and execute the responsibility of teaching others what they know. They do not hoard knowledge – they spread it.

Essentially, repeat steps 1-4 for someone else and he/she will do the same and so on and so on…

You have no idea how far the ripples will go; however, you are assured that leading in this manner will effectively produce more great leaders more times than you can imagine.

Through the practice of these 5 simple steps, you can cultivate the characteristics of leadership anywhere and at anytime.

Please note: None of these steps are limited to proximity. In other words whether in-person or through some other medium, as long as these 5 steps are communicated and put into practice, the results will be the same.

For example, I have learned a lot watching Anthony Robbins and following many of his examples, yet I have never met him. Further to this point is that I attempt to duplicate many of the leadership characteristics that Gandhi exhibited while he was alive, yet he passed away before I was born.

The point is that in order to cultivate the characteristics of leadership, you do not necessarily have to be in the same room with those you learn from or with those you lead.

From Dean's Library

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7 Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

A while ago, I wrote an article titled, The Secret to Personal Change, wherein I defined and outlined a blueprint for making effective changes in your life. I hope, if you've read it, you really got some value out of it. If not, I highly recommend that you do after reading this one to further put things in perspective for you.

The goal of this article is to bring a deeper sense of realism and relativity to Personal Change. By definition, this type of change is well – PERSONAL. In this vein, I have decided to share some of the powerful lessons that truly helped me to make effective personal changes in my life.

Some of them were really harsh – at least I thought so at the time; however, I wouldn't trade those moments for anything. They have been instrumental in my growth and I am truly grateful.

These lessons are all true examples from my personal experience. I truly hope that you draw some value from these as it pertains to your own journey.

Not quite sure I'm ready for this but here goes…

Powerful Lesson #1: Get off your high horse

One of my major growing pains has been how to remain humble at all times. It's still a struggle for me sometimes because I am just naturally a cocky guy. Seriously, I work on this constantly… SURPRISED?

It's been such a staple part of who I am that on one job interview, the interviewer actually started the interview by saying "Hey Dean, look – I know you're smart, articulate and have excellent communication skills. I mean you're a dynamo and I just know you'd do a great job. There's just one little thing that bothers me about you and I think we ought to clear that up right now. You strike me as just a bit too cocky. What do you have to say about that?"

Can you imagine that being the first statement followed by that question in an interview? Well, it really did happen. I did get the job though… pheww.

Here's one of my greatest lessons in humility – getting knocked off my high horse.

I took a facilitation/presentation skills class once with 2 of my favorite teachers – Chris Baran and Sam Villa. In preparation for this class, they asked us to bring a presentation that we'd be doing in the near future – something we had to get ready for.

The whole time I was preparing, all I kept thinking about was what I was going to wear, what I was going to say, how I was going to look, how I was going to sound and what I was going to do. I, I, I, see a pattern here?

Needless to say that when it was finally my turn to present – I just knew I was going to ace it and look pretty good in front of my teachers and my peers. Not sure how or when it happened but somewhere between good afternoon and I am here to… I totally lost it. I began to lose my train of thought and forget what I was supposed to say. I was so focused on yup – ME – that I totally forgot who the presentation was really for.

To drive home the lesson, Sam suggested that I do the presentation again sitting down. As I started, he asked me to get up and he'd stack another chair on top of my chair. Every 15 seconds or so as I continued to deliver my presentation, he added another chair to the stack. It got to the point where it was totally comical because my feet could no longer reach the ground. I ended up laughing really hard at myself and the whole room had a pretty good laugh at my expense as well.

Once I came down from my high horse, Sam simply said "Dean, it's ok to live down here with the rest of us. It's not about you – it's about them. "You already know your stuff so whenever you deliver your presentation remember that the focus isn't you, it's your audience. You've successfully delivered your presentation when the audience gets it."

Wow… not fun at the beginning but makes perfect sense and it was quite funny by the end. Since that day, I have worked to make sure that not only during presentations but at all times consider others first.

Not that I never ever get on my high horse; however, this is a lesson in personal change I will never forget and always apply to my everyday life.

Powerful Lesson #2: Nobody likes a Mr. Know-it-all

This story comes from an experience I had after getting my first car.

I had just recently picked up my ALMOST new Saab Turbo 9000; very beautiful automobile if you're into cars. A few months after getting it, I was involved in an automobile accident that basically totaled my ALMOST new and vey cool Saab Turbo 9000. (Man was I… well you know. )

The good news here was that the accident was clearly not my fault. Some guy was so busy on his cell phone that he went right through a steady red light and slammed into the passenger side of my ride. It was even scarier because my niece was asleep in the back seat and her father, my brother, was in the front passenger seat. He was not a happy camper – to say the least.

In any case, the police arrived on the scene and began taking statements. As the officer took mine, I explained to him that I was going about 35 mph. Once I said that he repeated what I said back to me saying "So you were going about 30 mph…" To which I said, NO, I said I was doing about 35 mph. To which he again repeated "right, so you were doing about 30 mph…" Once again, in a slightly annoyed tone because I felt I wasn't being heard, I said, NO, I was doing about 35 mph. And this time the officer simply replied "OK, if that's the way you want it."

I didn't realize it at the time but I was shooting myself in the foot. As it turned out, my insurance company paid me in full for the damages to my car; however, I totally missed the boat on the other driver's insurance company.

I ended up getting 50% less than I would have from the other guy's insurance company because the city speed limit is 30 mph and since I insisted I was going 35 mph, I buried myself with my own admission.

Once I realized this, something my father used to say came ringing in my ear… "Sometimes it's better to be thought of as a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." All I had to do was shut my mouth and listen and all would have been fine.

And the moral of this lesson in personal change is – LISTEN, LISTEN, and LISTEN! Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to let other people talk while you simply shut up and listen. This is a key element in effective communication.

Powerful Lesson #3: Do what's true for you and learn to live with the consequences

This was one of the hardest lessons in personal change for me; it's the one that totally changed the course of my life.

For years before I started this blog, I was partners with one of my good friends. We'd started a music production company together – even made some pretty great music. You can check out our last production together here.

Aside from the music business though, we embarked on several more business ventures together. Through it all, there were times when I knew that it wasn't what I really wanted to do; however, I kept saying yes and going along because I felt like I owed it to my friend. Somehow, we became joined at the hip and it made me feel like everything I was going to do had to be with him as my business partner. Even he thought the same and never shied away from letting me know how he felt.

It literally took years before I had the courage to face him and say NO, I have to go my own way. It was through discovering my true purpose that I finally had the confidence and courage to tell my good friend exactly how I felt and what I needed to do. I knew that it would hurt; however, I had finally realized that what I really owed my friend was the truth.

I owed it to myself to be truthful about my desires and I needed to tell him exactly how I felt and live with the consequences. Today, I wouldn't say that we aren't friends anymore; however, things are certainly not like they used to be. We don't talk as much or even at all and we don't hang out together anymore.

The one thing I can tell you is that I haven't regretted telling him the truth and starting my own journey not one day since… it was one of the best decisions I ever made about changing my life.

Powerful Lesson #4: What a hypocrite!

This powerful lesson in personal change definitely hit close and deep for me. It was definitely a major defining moment and milestone in my life.

I am Jamaican by birth; I moved to the United States with my family when I was 12 years old. Where I am from, it is culturally unacceptable to engage in homosexual activity of any kind. In fact, people have been seriously hurt and even killed because of their sexual orientation.

Now, while my parents did not raise me and my siblings to hate anyone for any reason, it was still acceptable for us to be disapproving of homosexuals. No one was going to reprimand us because we didn't like gay people.

There was a time in my life when I openly showed my disapproval and even disdain for homosexuals. This was simply a part of my conditioning. This remained the case until about my mid-twenties when I began working in New York City and experiencing different people and cultures.

Gradually I became more open and tolerant. It was not until I started working for L'Oreal USA in 2003 though that the flood gates really opened. I was suddenly working in an environment where homosexuality was not only tolerated, it was the norm. No one cared about sexual orientation.

I had never really looked back on who I was; at this point in my life I was much more open and tolerant of all individuals. I had read so many books, been to so many places and met so many different people that I had already started to believe that it is ok to be who you are… no matter who you are. You're perfect just the way you are.

The defining moment in all this came one day when I was talking to a group of colleagues and friends and the subject of homosexuality came up. For the most part, the group I was with was not tolerant of homosexuality and wondered how I could work with people who are homosexuals.

It was in this moment, I realized what a HYPOCRITE I had been. Here I was, not only working with homosexuals but many of them were now people I count among my friends. This knowing not only how I used to be but also that I was once a target of intolerance. When I first came to this country, I was frequently the target of racism and indifference. And in true hypocritical form, I had visited this same intolerance and indifference on others because they were different from me.

Yes, I said it – I was a hypocrite indeed!

Today, I no longer hang out with people whom I know are intolerant of anyone just because they are different. I am proud to count all my friends as my friends regardless of whom they are or whom they choose to love. I am blessed with many friends from all different walks of life and for that I am eternally grateful.

This was one of my most powerful lessons in personal change.

Powerful Lesson #5: Do it my way – Hard Knock PhD

If I had to measure my life by the degrees on my wall, I'd have to say I have what I refer to as a PhD in Hard Knocks. This is the corner stone to my personal journey.

While I was a good student – at times even a great student – I decided early on in my undergrad years to forego school and become a student of life. In this vein, I left school after I received my 2-year degree from Kingsborough Community College.

In my gut, I just knew that I wanted more right now and for me, school was not providing what I was thirsting for. It was around this time in my life that I first began my passionate pursuit of personal growth and development.

Hard Knock PhD refers to the numerous and invaluable life lessons I have learned since then. These are the lessons that molded me into the man I am today. I would not be where I am without these lessons.

Through the lessons that life has taught me, I have been able to accomplish many of my goals and achieve success in many ways. I have been able to work on Wall Street and Main Street holding numerous management positions.

There is absolutely nothing special about dropping out of school; however, there is definitely something special in following your spirit. In other words, I did it my way – I used what works for me to achieve the goals that I've set.

It was hard at first to accept the road I'd chosen; I had many harsh critics. My dad was not at all pleased with my decision. In fact, for years, there was this open-ended cliffhanger as to whether or not I'd return to school. It was not until I recognized why I chose to do what I did that it instantly became a breeze. Once I was ok with why I chose to do things the way I did, the rest was simply a matter of choice and execution. There was nothing I couldn't do. Even when many people said NO, I remained positive and in almost every case proved the naysayers wrong.

The bottom line in this lesson of personal change is that while life may bring you many hard knocks, you can keep moving forward as long as you learn from them. One of the greatest assets that I have always had in my arsenal is the power to recognize the lessons of life and learn from them.

Let me put it like this…

While many people put so much stock in the fact that I do not have an undergraduate degree, I never let that fact hold me back.

When I got my job on Wall Street, many naysayers couldn't believe it. When I started working at the top beauty company in the world, many naysayers couldn't believe that either. When I made the seemingly insurmountable leap within this same prestigious company from Finance to Marketing… most were stunned to say the least. In fact, what I was told when I expressed my interest in marketing was that "it simply doesn't happen – no one jumps from Finance to marketing."

Well, I am living proof that it not only can happen – it did happen.

Again, I am not special because I did these things… I am pointing out these examples to help drive the lesson home that life is what you make it not the other way around. I found a way to get where I needed to go by adding value in the best way I knew how. I am a constant student of life and therefore I have become keenly aware of what others need and whenever and wherever I can, I help them get it.

Powerful Lesson #6: Whose story is it anyway?

This lesson comes from one of my great friends and mentor, Ann Mincey. She's been integral to my personal growth and development over the years and I cherish her friendship and guidance.

I first met Ann at a company function in the spring of 2006 (I think ). Although I had heard about her I had never had the opportunity. Also, I was a tag-along to a function I wasn't even officially invited to. This was already a great story in the making.

In any case, when Ann Mincey finally walked through the doors, she made a B-line straight for me. She politely introduced herself and then simply asked "So what's your story and what brought you to us?" I was taken aback for a moment and then realized she was actually waiting for me to respond. She was serious… she wanted to hear my story.

So, I told her and she replied "Thank you and welcome to our family." She followed that up with the most heartwarming hug I had ever received from a stranger. Well, I'm not so sure she was still a stranger by the end of our conversation because that hug made me feel like part of her family.

You see, that is Ann's greatest gift in my view – to make others instantly feel loved like part of her family. She was genuinely interested in me… my story.

This is the moment when I realized how important it is not to project our stories unto others. I learned that in order to truly be of service to others, you must genuinely want to hear and understand their story so that you know how to truly help them.

Ann is my dear friend and I credit her with this powerful lesson in my personal change.

Powerful Lesson #7: Slow your roll

Sometimes you just have to know when to pump your brakes and take a step back. Look at the landscape and understand the terrain before you go charging in.

After accepting a management position in sales, I was charged with ideas of how to grow the business. I was so gong-ho and so driven that I forgot that there were other people with ideas who had been there long before I arrived.

Of course, in true Dean fashion, I charged in full blast trying to get it all done with lots of energy and enthusiasm. Boy were those first few months painful. I was often left wondering "what's going on here? Is it me? Am I doing something wrong?"

All my intentions were good and some of my ideas were pretty good too but I was getting nowhere fast. What the hell was I missing? A screw or two as it turned out.

After a few months of running into a brick wall, one of my team members took me aside and said "Dean, you're great and you have great ideas but you're trying too hard." What's worse is that you're not including anyone else in your plans – you're alienating the most important people, our clients."

All I could think to myself was – DUH!

Here I was busy trying to change the world and I didn't have a clue what our clients were thinking or what they really wanted. I was ready to tell them how we're going to do it; however, I wasn't listening to what they wanted to do.

Of course, after this intervention by my teammate (Thank you Elika), it wasn't hard to see what was wrong with my approach. Once I recognized and changed it and started listening to our client's needs, a lot of things started to go much more smoothly. In fact, with this particular group, our team has a very strong bond and we often achieve results that exceed expectations. All I had to do was slow my roll – another powerful lesson in personal change.

I could probably share some more stories from my experience and I am sure you can think of some from your own. The bottom line is that I truly hope that you got something out of this – I hope that some of my experiences help to put yours in perspective.

I can say with certainty that I have enjoyed my journey; all of these experiences and many more have been great teachers for me. As I continue to learn and grow, I am sure there will be many more to come.

Here's to your greatness and your own Personal Change journey.

 

From Dean's Library

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