Powerful Principles of Personal Growth

7 Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

A while ago, I wrote an article titled, The Secret to Personal Change, wherein I defined and outlined a blueprint for making effective changes in your life. I hope, if you've read it, you really got some value out of it. If not, I highly recommend that you do after reading this one to further put things in perspective for you.

The goal of this article is to bring a deeper sense of realism and relativity to Personal Change. By definition, this type of change is well – PERSONAL. In this vein, I have decided to share some of the powerful lessons that truly helped me to make effective personal changes in my life.

Some of them were really harsh – at least I thought so at the time; however, I wouldn't trade those moments for anything. They have been instrumental in my growth and I am truly grateful.

These lessons are all true examples from my personal experience. I truly hope that you draw some value from these as it pertains to your own journey.

Not quite sure I'm ready for this but here goes…

Powerful Lesson #1: Get off your high horse

One of my major growing pains has been how to remain humble at all times. It's still a struggle for me sometimes because I am just naturally a cocky guy. Seriously, I work on this constantly… SURPRISED?

It's been such a staple part of who I am that on one job interview, the interviewer actually started the interview by saying "Hey Dean, look – I know you're smart, articulate and have excellent communication skills. I mean you're a dynamo and I just know you'd do a great job. There's just one little thing that bothers me about you and I think we ought to clear that up right now. You strike me as just a bit too cocky. What do you have to say about that?"

Can you imagine that being the first statement followed by that question in an interview? Well, it really did happen. I did get the job though… pheww.

Here's one of my greatest lessons in humility – getting knocked off my high horse.

I took a facilitation/presentation skills class once with 2 of my favorite teachers – Chris Baran and Sam Villa. In preparation for this class, they asked us to bring a presentation that we'd be doing in the near future – something we had to get ready for.

The whole time I was preparing, all I kept thinking about was what I was going to wear, what I was going to say, how I was going to look, how I was going to sound and what I was going to do. I, I, I, see a pattern here?

Needless to say that when it was finally my turn to present – I just knew I was going to ace it and look pretty good in front of my teachers and my peers. Not sure how or when it happened but somewhere between good afternoon and I am here to… I totally lost it. I began to lose my train of thought and forget what I was supposed to say. I was so focused on yup – ME – that I totally forgot who the presentation was really for.

To drive home the lesson, Sam suggested that I do the presentation again sitting down. As I started, he asked me to get up and he'd stack another chair on top of my chair. Every 15 seconds or so as I continued to deliver my presentation, he added another chair to the stack. It got to the point where it was totally comical because my feet could no longer reach the ground. I ended up laughing really hard at myself and the whole room had a pretty good laugh at my expense as well.

Once I came down from my high horse, Sam simply said "Dean, it's ok to live down here with the rest of us. It's not about you – it's about them. "You already know your stuff so whenever you deliver your presentation remember that the focus isn't you, it's your audience. You've successfully delivered your presentation when the audience gets it."

Wow… not fun at the beginning but makes perfect sense and it was quite funny by the end. Since that day, I have worked to make sure that not only during presentations but at all times consider others first.

Not that I never ever get on my high horse; however, this is a lesson in personal change I will never forget and always apply to my everyday life.

Powerful Lesson #2: Nobody likes a Mr. Know-it-all

This story comes from an experience I had after getting my first car.

I had just recently picked up my ALMOST new Saab Turbo 9000; very beautiful automobile if you're into cars. A few months after getting it, I was involved in an automobile accident that basically totaled my ALMOST new and vey cool Saab Turbo 9000. (Man was I… well you know. )

The good news here was that the accident was clearly not my fault. Some guy was so busy on his cell phone that he went right through a steady red light and slammed into the passenger side of my ride. It was even scarier because my niece was asleep in the back seat and her father, my brother, was in the front passenger seat. He was not a happy camper – to say the least.

In any case, the police arrived on the scene and began taking statements. As the officer took mine, I explained to him that I was going about 35 mph. Once I said that he repeated what I said back to me saying "So you were going about 30 mph…" To which I said, NO, I said I was doing about 35 mph. To which he again repeated "right, so you were doing about 30 mph…" Once again, in a slightly annoyed tone because I felt I wasn't being heard, I said, NO, I was doing about 35 mph. And this time the officer simply replied "OK, if that's the way you want it."

I didn't realize it at the time but I was shooting myself in the foot. As it turned out, my insurance company paid me in full for the damages to my car; however, I totally missed the boat on the other driver's insurance company.

I ended up getting 50% less than I would have from the other guy's insurance company because the city speed limit is 30 mph and since I insisted I was going 35 mph, I buried myself with my own admission.

Once I realized this, something my father used to say came ringing in my ear… "Sometimes it's better to be thought of as a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." All I had to do was shut my mouth and listen and all would have been fine.

And the moral of this lesson in personal change is – LISTEN, LISTEN, and LISTEN! Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to let other people talk while you simply shut up and listen. This is a key element in effective communication.

Powerful Lesson #3: Do what's true for you and learn to live with the consequences

This was one of the hardest lessons in personal change for me; it's the one that totally changed the course of my life.

For years before I started this blog, I was partners with one of my good friends. We'd started a music production company together – even made some pretty great music. You can check out our last production together here.

Aside from the music business though, we embarked on several more business ventures together. Through it all, there were times when I knew that it wasn't what I really wanted to do; however, I kept saying yes and going along because I felt like I owed it to my friend. Somehow, we became joined at the hip and it made me feel like everything I was going to do had to be with him as my business partner. Even he thought the same and never shied away from letting me know how he felt.

It literally took years before I had the courage to face him and say NO, I have to go my own way. It was through discovering my true purpose that I finally had the confidence and courage to tell my good friend exactly how I felt and what I needed to do. I knew that it would hurt; however, I had finally realized that what I really owed my friend was the truth.

I owed it to myself to be truthful about my desires and I needed to tell him exactly how I felt and live with the consequences. Today, I wouldn't say that we aren't friends anymore; however, things are certainly not like they used to be. We don't talk as much or even at all and we don't hang out together anymore.

The one thing I can tell you is that I haven't regretted telling him the truth and starting my own journey not one day since… it was one of the best decisions I ever made about changing my life.

Powerful Lesson #4: What a hypocrite!

This powerful lesson in personal change definitely hit close and deep for me. It was definitely a major defining moment and milestone in my life.

I am Jamaican by birth; I moved to the United States with my family when I was 12 years old. Where I am from, it is culturally unacceptable to engage in homosexual activity of any kind. In fact, people have been seriously hurt and even killed because of their sexual orientation.

Now, while my parents did not raise me and my siblings to hate anyone for any reason, it was still acceptable for us to be disapproving of homosexuals. No one was going to reprimand us because we didn't like gay people.

There was a time in my life when I openly showed my disapproval and even disdain for homosexuals. This was simply a part of my conditioning. This remained the case until about my mid-twenties when I began working in New York City and experiencing different people and cultures.

Gradually I became more open and tolerant. It was not until I started working for L'Oreal USA in 2003 though that the flood gates really opened. I was suddenly working in an environment where homosexuality was not only tolerated, it was the norm. No one cared about sexual orientation.

I had never really looked back on who I was; at this point in my life I was much more open and tolerant of all individuals. I had read so many books, been to so many places and met so many different people that I had already started to believe that it is ok to be who you are… no matter who you are. You're perfect just the way you are.

The defining moment in all this came one day when I was talking to a group of colleagues and friends and the subject of homosexuality came up. For the most part, the group I was with was not tolerant of homosexuality and wondered how I could work with people who are homosexuals.

It was in this moment, I realized what a HYPOCRITE I had been. Here I was, not only working with homosexuals but many of them were now people I count among my friends. This knowing not only how I used to be but also that I was once a target of intolerance. When I first came to this country, I was frequently the target of racism and indifference. And in true hypocritical form, I had visited this same intolerance and indifference on others because they were different from me.

Yes, I said it – I was a hypocrite indeed!

Today, I no longer hang out with people whom I know are intolerant of anyone just because they are different. I am proud to count all my friends as my friends regardless of whom they are or whom they choose to love. I am blessed with many friends from all different walks of life and for that I am eternally grateful.

This was one of my most powerful lessons in personal change.

Powerful Lesson #5: Do it my way – Hard Knock PhD

If I had to measure my life by the degrees on my wall, I'd have to say I have what I refer to as a PhD in Hard Knocks. This is the corner stone to my personal journey.

While I was a good student – at times even a great student – I decided early on in my undergrad years to forego school and become a student of life. In this vein, I left school after I received my 2-year degree from Kingsborough Community College.

In my gut, I just knew that I wanted more right now and for me, school was not providing what I was thirsting for. It was around this time in my life that I first began my passionate pursuit of personal growth and development.

Hard Knock PhD refers to the numerous and invaluable life lessons I have learned since then. These are the lessons that molded me into the man I am today. I would not be where I am without these lessons.

Through the lessons that life has taught me, I have been able to accomplish many of my goals and achieve success in many ways. I have been able to work on Wall Street and Main Street holding numerous management positions.

There is absolutely nothing special about dropping out of school; however, there is definitely something special in following your spirit. In other words, I did it my way – I used what works for me to achieve the goals that I've set.

It was hard at first to accept the road I'd chosen; I had many harsh critics. My dad was not at all pleased with my decision. In fact, for years, there was this open-ended cliffhanger as to whether or not I'd return to school. It was not until I recognized why I chose to do what I did that it instantly became a breeze. Once I was ok with why I chose to do things the way I did, the rest was simply a matter of choice and execution. There was nothing I couldn't do. Even when many people said NO, I remained positive and in almost every case proved the naysayers wrong.

The bottom line in this lesson of personal change is that while life may bring you many hard knocks, you can keep moving forward as long as you learn from them. One of the greatest assets that I have always had in my arsenal is the power to recognize the lessons of life and learn from them.

Let me put it like this…

While many people put so much stock in the fact that I do not have an undergraduate degree, I never let that fact hold me back.

When I got my job on Wall Street, many naysayers couldn't believe it. When I started working at the top beauty company in the world, many naysayers couldn't believe that either. When I made the seemingly insurmountable leap within this same prestigious company from Finance to Marketing… most were stunned to say the least. In fact, what I was told when I expressed my interest in marketing was that "it simply doesn't happen – no one jumps from Finance to marketing."

Well, I am living proof that it not only can happen – it did happen.

Again, I am not special because I did these things… I am pointing out these examples to help drive the lesson home that life is what you make it not the other way around. I found a way to get where I needed to go by adding value in the best way I knew how. I am a constant student of life and therefore I have become keenly aware of what others need and whenever and wherever I can, I help them get it.

Powerful Lesson #6: Whose story is it anyway?

This lesson comes from one of my great friends and mentor, Ann Mincey. She's been integral to my personal growth and development over the years and I cherish her friendship and guidance.

I first met Ann at a company function in the spring of 2006 (I think ). Although I had heard about her I had never had the opportunity. Also, I was a tag-along to a function I wasn't even officially invited to. This was already a great story in the making.

In any case, when Ann Mincey finally walked through the doors, she made a B-line straight for me. She politely introduced herself and then simply asked "So what's your story and what brought you to us?" I was taken aback for a moment and then realized she was actually waiting for me to respond. She was serious… she wanted to hear my story.

So, I told her and she replied "Thank you and welcome to our family." She followed that up with the most heartwarming hug I had ever received from a stranger. Well, I'm not so sure she was still a stranger by the end of our conversation because that hug made me feel like part of her family.

You see, that is Ann's greatest gift in my view – to make others instantly feel loved like part of her family. She was genuinely interested in me… my story.

This is the moment when I realized how important it is not to project our stories unto others. I learned that in order to truly be of service to others, you must genuinely want to hear and understand their story so that you know how to truly help them.

Ann is my dear friend and I credit her with this powerful lesson in my personal change.

Powerful Lesson #7: Slow your roll

Sometimes you just have to know when to pump your brakes and take a step back. Look at the landscape and understand the terrain before you go charging in.

After accepting a management position in sales, I was charged with ideas of how to grow the business. I was so gong-ho and so driven that I forgot that there were other people with ideas who had been there long before I arrived.

Of course, in true Dean fashion, I charged in full blast trying to get it all done with lots of energy and enthusiasm. Boy were those first few months painful. I was often left wondering "what's going on here? Is it me? Am I doing something wrong?"

All my intentions were good and some of my ideas were pretty good too but I was getting nowhere fast. What the hell was I missing? A screw or two as it turned out.

After a few months of running into a brick wall, one of my team members took me aside and said "Dean, you're great and you have great ideas but you're trying too hard." What's worse is that you're not including anyone else in your plans – you're alienating the most important people, our clients."

All I could think to myself was – DUH!

Here I was busy trying to change the world and I didn't have a clue what our clients were thinking or what they really wanted. I was ready to tell them how we're going to do it; however, I wasn't listening to what they wanted to do.

Of course, after this intervention by my teammate (Thank you Elika), it wasn't hard to see what was wrong with my approach. Once I recognized and changed it and started listening to our client's needs, a lot of things started to go much more smoothly. In fact, with this particular group, our team has a very strong bond and we often achieve results that exceed expectations. All I had to do was slow my roll – another powerful lesson in personal change.

I could probably share some more stories from my experience and I am sure you can think of some from your own. The bottom line is that I truly hope that you got something out of this – I hope that some of my experiences help to put yours in perspective.

I can say with certainty that I have enjoyed my journey; all of these experiences and many more have been great teachers for me. As I continue to learn and grow, I am sure there will be many more to come.

Here's to your greatness and your own Personal Change journey.

 

From Dean's Library

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21 Powerful Tips to Make Your Everyday Life a Breeze

Even though we don't always know what will come our way on a daily basis; we can choose how we deal with whatever comes. In our everyday life we have the power to choose how we live each and every moment.

Following are 21 powerful tips to make your everyday life a breeze. These are in no particular order and as simple as some of them may seem, they truly work wonders when put into practice.

1. Give Thanks

This is the first and last thing that I practice to do everyday – well most of the time anyway.

Showing gratitude for what you have is a great and uplifting way to start and end your day on a positive note. It puts you in the right mindset so you can be happier throughout the day and have peace of mind when you slumber. The more grateful we are, the more we get to be grateful for.

2. Give You

Give something no one else can – YOU. Just make sure it's the real you, genuine and authentic. We all have a unique greatness to give to the world and the more of that you endeavor to give to the world, the happier you will be.

3. Smile

As my wife so eloquently puts it; S.M.I.L.E. – See More In Life Everyday. Ever notice how when you smile at others, most of the time they smile right back? That's because smiling is contagious and it makes people feel good inside. It releases certain chemicals in the body that just makes you feel so darn good. So just smile and mean it and you'll be happier everyday.

4. Help Someone Else

There's simply nothing more fulfilling than helping someone else to get what he/she wants or needs. Helping others is most powerful when you help without expectation of compensation. That is the true definition of serving others and it always feels incredible.

5. Pay It Forward

Just as helping someone else is fulfilling so is paying it forward. When someone touches your life and you return that gift by touching someone else's, it is truly a beautiful thing. And again, it feels tremendous. Your everyday life will significantly improve if you constantly seek to pay it forward – give back as a way of saying thank you.

6. Laugh at Yourself

Please don't take yourself so seriously. Life is too short so laugh at yourself. When you can laugh at yourself it means that you're not obsessed with perfection and that you realize that you're perfect just the way you are – flawed.

7. Let Stuff Go

This is definitely important for a happier life PERIOD! Many people believe that forgiveness is for the forgiven; however, it really is for the person doing the forgiving. Letting stuff go ensures that you can move on without ill feelings that perpetuate negative emotions. So, just let it go.

We have a rule on my team – doesn't work so well at home right now – BUT – on my team we either address an issue within 24 hours of its occurrence or we agree to let it go without prejudice. One simple rule that works wonders; try it.

8. Keep It Real

Just don't sugar coat things to the point where reality gets watered down. It's ok to be empathetic; however, make sure you still keep it real… say it like it is with kindness and learn to live with the consequences. Believe me; you're better off telling it like it is and living with those consequences than obscuring the real deal and having to deal with the ensuing fall out.

Most importantly, be vigilant about not lying to yourself; especially about who you are. Unless you know and accept who you truly are, you will be hard-pressed to know how to become who you truly want to be.

9. Love More

Way too much hate in the world that sucks up way too much energy that could be used for more positive endeavors. Your everyday life instantly improves in amazing ways when you project nothing but love. Wish the best for all and truly mean it and you'll see far better results that participating in the opposite.

Ever notice how the more down you are the universe works harder to keep you down? And conversely the more up you are, the universe works harder to keep you up? This is the natural law of love so just love more.

10. Judge Less

No assumptions, no preconceived notions and no JUDGEMENT. When you judge, you end up having to make justifications for your position which only leads to more judging which gets very negative very fast.

11. Have Faith

Have faith in yourself, others and in the infinite possibilities of the best of everything. It sounds lofty – I know; however, it is truly a powerful feeling when you make it a habit.

12. Have Fun

This one goes without saying. I mean if you aren't having fun, then you're not smiling and projecting positivity. Just imagine having fun everyday with what you do, where you go and the people you connect with. How awesome would that be?

Have fun and never work a day in your life again.

13. Exercise

Yes, we all know we should do this; however, how many of us really stay consistent. The fact is though that exercising can make you feel so much better about your day. It is an absolute brilliant start to your day because a good workout often puts you in the right mindset to face the rest of the day.

In my experience, I always feel great when I exercise consistently. Conversely, I don't feel so great when I slack off… if you've been there then you know what I mean.

14. Make Lists

Lists help keep you focused throughout your day. As we know, everyday life can throw so many different things at us. Lists help us stay on track and avert chaos.

15. Make Plans

Just as lists are important so are plans. It's interesting to notice how when you know exactly where you're going things always go a lot smoother. When you have a plan, it makes dealing with hiccups much more efficient and effective because you're not all over the place and confused.

16. Promise Less

No need to make so many promises; it doesn't make you a hero – especially if your mouth keeps writing checks that bounce. Making a promise is not as important as doing what needs to be done. You don't need to announce your good deeds; the properties of your deeds will do all the talking for you.

Besides, you could easily ruin your reputation by making promises you are unable to keep; however, no one ever got a bad rep for doing a good deed.

17. Deliver More

Even though you promise less, always deliver more. When you deliver more than is expected people never forget what you did. Not that you expect anything in return; however, this habit always returns more to you than you could have imagined. So, simply put – promise less and deliver more.

18. Follow Your Conscience, Not Your Heart

This might sound strange to you because the popular saying is "follow your heart." The truth is that even when people say that, what they most often mean is "follow your conscience."

This is because the heart governs your emotional center and we all know that our emotions don't always point us to the right thing to do. Emotionally, we are often torn; our conscience though – our spirit is our true compass.

That feeling you get deep down inside when you know something isn't right – that's your conscience speaking to you. Your everyday life will be so much better if you can follow your conscience.

19. Check Your Ego

Ok, Ok, I'm working on it.

Yes, it is not always about you. Most people are so busy thinking about themselves; they don't have time to think about you. Stop believing your own hype and focus on helping other people. Help others get what they want and you will get what you want.

Check your ego and you will learn a lot more through humility.

20. Seek Help

Just as it is important to be humble; it is also important to remember that no one is an island. We can't truly succeed alone so ask for help. There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help. Just be sure you only seek help from qualified people to help you address your needs.

21. Love Yourself

This one is an obvious no-brainer but so often we forget to do it. Many people don't even know what it truly means to love themselves. Essentially, it means accepting, appreciating and approving of whom you truly are. Before you truly love others, you must first love yourself. If you don't love yourself, your everyday life will definitely stink.

Well, there you have it. A simple list that I am sure you can add to easily. These are just 21 tips that came to mind from my experience and the positive results I have been able to achieve through these powerful habits.

I truly hope they help you too.

From Dean's Library

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The Nucleus of Personal Growth and Development

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For the 100^th post on your blog, I requested some input, feedback and ideas for possible topics. Many of you responded and I am so grateful. As I read through your responses and pondered some of my own, it hit me. It seems only too relevant that this post is about the Nucleus of Personal Growth and Development.

I chose this topic because every idea I received for topics easily falls under this umbrella. It struck me that there are many people who do want to change in the most positive and profound ways possible; however, many people do not understand where to begin. Not only do a lot of people not understand where to begin – they often don't even possess a true understanding of personal growth and development let alone what to change and how exactly to do it.

While this blog – your blog – is jam packed with information and practical solutions on how to significantly improve your life, it was still missing a main piece of the puzzle as it pertains to helping you understand better what is at the core of personal growth and development.

If you truly want to make a major positive and profound impact on your life, it is imperative that you understand what it truly takes. Though it is a SIMPLE concept overall, experience as shown and taught me that it isn't always EASY.

Here it is in a nutshell…

The success in your pursuits for personal excellence rests with choice… the power of choice is all you need understand and exercise. Choice is grounded in principle – natural law – and therefore affects you and impacts your life whether you believe it or not, know it or not or are aware of it or not. It is no respecter of persons so the only thing that we need to do is exercise it correctly in order to achieve the results we desire.

Following are the 7 principles of choice rooted in the Nucleus of Personal Growth and Development. You may see these categorized differently; however, these are they.

 

 1. Choose Choice over Randomness

Since all things are precipitated by Choice, it is crucial that you first understand that no matter what you want to achieve, you must first choose it. Most individuals function on the "what will be will be" and the "it is what it is" mantra. It is important to recognize that if you want something to happen you have to make it happen. Truly successful individuals operate on the correct principle of "if it is to be it's up to me" and "it is what I've made it."

To be frank, whether you choose choice or not; you've still made a choice. This is what most people do not understand – whether or not you consciously make a choice or not – you've still effectively made a choice even if your choice was not to make one. What happens then is that your life becomes random – maybe it will happen and maybe it won't. The success of your personal growth and development is in jeopardy if you leave it to chance because chances are if you take the random route you will only get random results.

So, choose to choose!

 

2. Choose Awareness over Ignorance

"What you are aware of you can act on; what you are unaware of acts on you."

Awareness is integral to your success because you don't know what you don't know. This means that once you've chosen to choose, you must now choose to increase your awareness. First, you must become more aware of who you truly are so that you will understand better exactly what you need to do to make the changes you wish.

Once again, most people choose ignorance; they simply follow the crowd in the hopes that things will change and then they accept the status quo. And again, remember, as it is with principles; this is still a choice.

Choice simply exists – how we use it is up to us. This means that whether or not you choose to become more aware or remain ignorant, you've still effective made a choice. This is going to seem redundant throughout this article; however, it is necessary to ensure that you fully understand the ultimate power of choice.

Choosing awareness means that you remain open to possibilities and constantly pursue the new. Through increased understanding of yourself and others, you can make more impactful choices that are more beneficial to your personal growth and development.

 

3. Choose Change over Stagnation

"Without change, there can be no growth; without growth, there can be no change."

Following awareness, you must choose change rather than stagnation. Unless you are changing you are not growing. So many individuals complain about their station in life while doing absolutely nothing at all to change it. That is the biggest oxy-moron ever!

Whatever you want to happen you have to make it happen. Personal Growth and Development by definition is all about Change. What most people do is fight to uphold the status quo; these are the individuals that constantly think in terms of "CAN'T" first before "CAN." All truly successful individuals are change agents; they consistently look for ways to change things for the better.

Sure, it's much more popular to stick with the cliché of "If it ain't broke, don't fix it"; however, the truth is that you will achieve much greater results if you thought "I know that this works; however, how can we make it work even better." Truly successful individuals consistently seek add value – to do things better so therefore change is the ultimate result.

 

 4. Choose Thoughts over Things

"All things physical were first spiritual."

So many people focus so much energy on things; usually on the things they do not have while not appreciating the things they do have. Thoughts are way more important than things; in fact, thoughts become things. The reason it is near impossible to manifest things by simply focusing on things is because without true thought; there can be no things to manifest. Things are manifested by thoughts.

First there is thought, which you must truly believe, and then the universe creates that which is truly thought. Focusing on things first then is simply the backward way to go about this. As it pertains to your personal growth and development, it simply means that in order to have the results you desire physically manifest in your life, you must first CHOOSE the true thought of those results. Basically, you must be able to see it in your mind's eye before the first step is taken to achieve it.

Choosing thought over things says that you begin with the end in mind; this is one of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

 

5. Choose Pro-Action over Re-Action

"Reactive people are always affected by change; while proactive people always affect change."

A key component to achieving your goals is to Be Proactive; this is also one of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Proactive people always say "It is what I make it." They believe in taking action towards their goal… they do not believe in half measures and talk. Lip service is for those who choose mediocrity… while action if for those who choose abundance.

When you choose pro-action, you become the true master of your fate. When you choose re-action, other people and circumstance becomes the master of your fate. Essentially, proactive people exercise their true personal power while reactive people give it away to others.

Once again, it doesn't matter which way you choose to go, you're still CHOOSING! This is what you must understand – whether or not you choose to be proactive or reactive – you've made a choice.

 

6. Choose Acceptance over Rejection

This is a "tuffy" for a lot of people and at many different levels of life. It is very important to choose acceptance over rejection. First, you must truly accept yourself – the person you truly are. This goes back to awareness and the fact that only when you've accepted whom you truly are can you effectively choose change for you that is most beneficial and impactful.

With private acceptance also comes public acceptance. The point is that when you first accept the reality of yourself, others and circumstances, you can then make better choices to change things. Acceptance, contrary to popular belief, does not mean settling; it simply means that you receive yourself, others and things as they are and if you like them – keep them – if not change them.

By change, especially when it comes to others, I don't mean change people and I mean change how you deal with people when it is warranted to achieve the results you desire.

Too many of us refuse to accept what is real and opt to live in "la la land" in the hopes that you will never be awaken. These are the sleepwalkers of life… they remain completely withdrawn and dormant because they fear the realness of the world.

The truth is that the world is really your oyster and the universe awaits your command to do your bidding… you have only to choose it.

 

7. Choose Belief over Cynicism

"Belief kills and belief cures."

The success of your personal growth and development while understanding the use of the above 6 principles are necessary, will fizzle away very quickly without the understanding and use of the 7^th – BELIEF! Without belief, true desires cannot manifest.

At the center of every choice is belief; you must believe in what you think, say and do in order to truly manifest the results you desire. Many times, people will even reluctantly commit to trying something in the hopes of proving it won't work. This is the pinnacle of Cynicism.

Instead of thinking "what if it doesn't work", think, "what if it does." The bottom line is that if you don't truly believe in what you do and are going to do, the rest of the 6 principles just won't work in your favor. They will all continue to work; however, your ignorance will cause you to work against them instead of in alignment with them.

That's another thing that is important to understand about principles… they always work in accordance with you because they are not biased. In other words, principles never work against you because they can't. The only time that principles do not work in your favor is when you work against nature – against natural law. Principles manifest what you pour into it so be careful what you truly wish for.

Belief is at the center of the powerful principles of choice because unless you believe, you will never see the ends you desire. Those who wait to see before they believe never see; those who believe before they see never have to wait to see. This is the natural law of belief.

So there you have it – the Nucleus of Personal Growth and Development. Regardless of what challenges you face or hardship you need to overcome, the powerful principles of Choice is your way out – to success.

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DLF Evolution – The Next Level

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I've done it again! DeanLForbes.com has taken it to another level. Now, officially incorporated, Dean L. Forbes, LLC has stepped up the game by revamping the look and feel of the entire website.

And… this is just the beginning…

In the next few weeks, I'll be making some milestone changes specifically aimed at serving you in more effective ways. I decided to start with the look and feel because it just didn't represent me to the fullest. For starters, the website was missing my favorite color – BLUE!

So, I thought it was time to really inject a bit more of ME into the website. Certainly, this blog is for you – my gift – however, I felt it was important that it represent the true me as much as possible. Hence – the sea of blue you now see… you likes…

Be sure to browse the pages as I have added some new ones including some testimonials from some gracious attendees who have attended one or more of my programs. It was awesome to share this feedback because they are true testaments to why I do what I do. I am so humbled by the words that so many have used to describe their experiences either with the blog, my programs or me personally. It's an incredible feeling!

You can read them here…

What's Next?

Coming soon… I will be updating the website to include other resources, tools and products that will further help you to fast track your personal growth and meet your ultimate goals. These updates will most definitely include everything that I have in the armory that has been successful and continues to be to this day.

To mention a few, I will be adding my favorite books, speakers and special items that can help you achieve the results you desire more quickly and effectively. Please note that none of these will be quick-fixes – you know we don't believe in that here. However, all the resources, tools and products made available to you through DLF.COM are guaranteed to help you significantly improve your success rate in all your endeavors if you choose to utilize them.

One thing to make clear is this…

I will never endorse any resource, tool or product unless it has been personally reviewed and/or tested by me. The only other time that I may endorse a resource, tool or product that I haven't reviewed or tested is if I can interview others who've been successful with it, report their story and then let you know how I came by the information. Essentially, unless the proof is in the pudding, DLF.COM will not endorse it.

Monetizing the Blog

Major changes that you will soon see on the blog are more ads by Google and other reputable companies. Not to worry, DLF.COM will only support relevant ads and will refrain from posting and/or remove any that are not relevant. The whole point of this website is to make sure that you are served in every way possible and in the most effective and efficient ways possible. Nothing less will suffice… so suffice it to say that if it doesn't work for you, it won't stick around very long.

Why monetize?

Since all the information on this website is provided for FREE, one of the major ways to keep the lights on is to advertise. Besides, I do believe in receiving a fair price for the value I provide and as such, monetization of the blog is necessary.

Ultimately, my goal is to spend all my time finding ways to continue to create and deliver value to others – to you. In order to do that, I am definitely going to have to make some cheese doing this otherwise I may as well turn the lights off right now.

People are from different schools of thought on this issue; many believe that a website that provides free information shouldn't have advertising on it. Sounds nice… and with all due respect to other people's opinions, that's just it – it just sounds nice.

Sure you can certainly maintain a website without advertising or monetization; however, that isn't me. Quite frankly, we live in a physical world with real physical needs; and while I don't do this for the money, I still have to make sure that I can maintain a physical existence while I am doing it. If I can't maintain a physical existence, I certainly can't do this.

Also, as I mentioned above, this is now an official corporation – Dean L. Forbes, LLC which means Uncle Sam will be coming for his piece of the pie every year whether I make money or not. Now you know as well as I do that you may be able to duck Uncle Sam but he always catches up to you. Just ask some of you now forgotten and bankrupt celebrities…

Why tell you all of this?

Simple, this blog as I have said numerous times is truly my gift to you and while I am the steward of the vehicle, I still want you to know and understand what happens to it. I think it is important that you know how your gift is treated, maintained and how it evolves. It's not that you need to know; it's simply that you ought to know.

Also, it helps me to hear your comments and feedback if you do have any to share. I am always interested to hear from you about how I can improve the website to make it even more beneficial and effective for you.

If you have comments or feedback, please visit the contact page and send me a message. I am truly grateful for your thoughts.

Ok, that's all for now… go browse and check out the new look and feel; read more articles and share them with your friends, family and colleagues. The more you read and share the more we grow and thrive. Thank you for all your love and support.

More to come very soon so stay tuned…

P.S. A lot of you submitted your thoughts on what topics I should write about for article #100 and I haven't forgotten. Although this news update about the website will technically go in as #100, we'll consider it #99a for all intents and purposes. Article #100 will be up shortly – I hope you enjoy it. Thanks.

 

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How to Positively Change Your Life Right Now

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Among the sea of information available on the different ways to Change Your Life, the one aspect that I have found that is often missed is the simplicity of actually changing your life. What I mean is that there is tons of great information out there on the subject; however, the application of the information is the key to success.

Once you understand the application, you can quite literally begin to affect your life in the most profound and positive ways you can imagine this instant. This isn't a gimmick or some quick fix; like all change, it is a process that takes time. What is important to understand is that you can begin to realize these changes almost instantaneously when you have the correct recipe.

While there are many ways to explain and illustrate how to positively change your life; in my experience, the formula consists of 2 main ingredients. The goal of this article is to raise your awareness to these 2 ingredients and help you discover how to apply them for maximum effect.

Ingredient #1: Think Differently

Thinking differently embodies several different parts. You might find a plethora of resources and materials that essentially drive home the point that "thoughts are things." In principle, this of course is true; however, once again the true application if most often misunderstood.

If you wish to positively change your life right now, you must first endeavor to think differently. Your goal is to remove all negative, dejecting, dismissive, passive and disempowering thoughts in your mind and replace them with just the opposite. Essentially, you need to rewrite your programming. The following is a quick guideline to help you get started with this way of thinking.

Think positively – in all instances where you would normally have a negative thought, force yourself to find the positive aspect to think about. Even if the positive is small, focus on that and center your thoughts on the positive aspects only. When you speak your thoughts, only release the positive ones. You are the master of your thoughts and thus you can change them at any time you wish. If need be, close your eyes and tell your brain to stop the negative thoughts and then go to the positive ones.

Think the best of you – whenever you look in the mirror, see only the best of you. I am not saying you should kid yourself and think that you are a rock star if you can't sing; however, you should think that if you really wanted to be a rock star, you'd know exactly what to do to make it happen. The point is to master your little voice that tells you that you are not enough and tell it to go to hell. You are the master of your fate and you are whatever you think you are.

Think the best of others – no matter how easy it seems to pass judgment and make fun of others – do the opposite. Find something that is great about each person you know and meet and think of that only. When you seek only the best in others, you immediately bring out the best in them and simultaneously the best in you. Thinking only of the best in others draws only the best towards you. For example, if all you ever think about are the negative people around you and how negative they are, all you will have in your circle are more negative people.

The objective of this exercise to help you begin to change your negative thinking; it may not be easy – however, the process is simple. Just remember that even though in principle thoughts are in fact things, they do not become things until you truly believe that they will… more on that in a bit.

In application of changing your thinking, it is a quest to change what comes to your mind in any given situation. The point is to practice thinking positively until it becomes a habit. You actually have to make a conscious choice to think differently. This is the part that most people miss so often. Thinking differently is in fact a choice and one that you must make consciously before it begins to truly happen.

Ingredient #2: Believe Differently

Walking hand-in-hand with thinking differently is believing differently. The fact is that it will be impossible to positively change your life right now unless you believe what you think. Remember what we said about thoughts becoming things? This is the second part of the equation.

While it is true in principle that thoughts become things, they cannot do so until you believe that they will. Only when you believe will you see your desires come to fruition.

Once you have rewritten the programming of your thoughts, you must then endeavor to actually believe the thoughts that you are thinking. You see in order to actually change your life, you must generate on the same frequency of the change you desire. In order to get to the level of vibration you desire, your thinking and your belief must be in alignment.

Believing differently means that you must begin to see yourself, others and the world through a new set of eyes. Whatever your preconditions have been; whatever your perceptions, you must be willing to discard them. This means that you must believe and embrace limitless possibilities. When you begin to believe that all things are possible, your thoughts will begin to inspire action that lead to the results you truly desire.

When thoughts and beliefs align in perfect harmony, inspired action leading to tremendous success is the result. The bottom line is that if in order to positively change your life right now, you must believe what you think.

Sure, it might seem like a tall order; however, think of it this way…

Look at your life now – truly examine it and be honest with yourself. Look at the negative things within it and then think about what your thoughts usually are and whether or not you actually believe those thoughts. I think that if you did this honestly, you would most certainly find that more often than not, you thought negatively and furthermore you actually believed your negative thoughts. It stands to reason then that you would certainly continue to derive negative results from these negative thoughts and your belief in them.

This is the point… it is a principle of course which means it isn't biased. The principle simply says that what we think and thus believe manifest in our physical world. It doesn't matter if it's negative or positive; so long as we think and believe it, it will indeed manifest.

So, when you think positive thoughts, all you have to do is truly believe in them and you will manifest positive results in your physical world. This is what it means to believe differently.

Immediate Results

It is guaranteed that once you begin to think and believe differently, you will instantly see the change in your life. The reason this is no quick fix is because depending on how long you've thought and believed what you have – it will take time to rewrite the program and believe in the new one.

The results you achieve will directly mirror your level of positive thinking and belief – no more and no less. This is why you see immediate results; because the universe – the natural law – principles have no favorites. They simply deliver to you what you need based on what you think and believe.

Begin the practice of positive thinking and genuine belief in that thinking today and watch your success explode. Once the application of these 2 powerful ingredients become habits, you will undoubtedly always see profound and positive changes manifesting around you.

Just remember that you are the master of your fate and you can rewrite the program and believe in it too!

 

 

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Coping with Change

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Change is a constant occurrence that we must all deal with whether we desire to or not. Coping With Change then, is certainly a very important skill to develop and improve upon in order to be effective. Sadly, the vast majority of human beings on our little planet abhor change and fight feverishly to uphold the status quo. This is why so many of us are often frustrated by change and so affected by the effects of it.

The truth is that since change is a principle that is ever happening whether to you, around you or by you, it is essentially inevitable and everlasting. This being said, effective people understand that learning how to cope with changes is crucial to their success and helping others achieve success.

Furthermore, it has been my experience that a large portion of the frustration that comes with change has to do more with the ignorance of others in dealing with changes. Basically, many, many people are clueless in how to deal with changes. And quite frankly, most, if not all, of us suck at dealing with changes in different areas of our lives.

Of course, this is not all bad since anyone has the capacity to learn and understand how to deal with change.

The goal of this article is to outline for you the most effective habits in coping with change in a practical manner. I am not saying that you will always deal with change effectively – BUT – I am saying that when you process and apply these 6 habits, you will virtually achieve the results you desire every single time.

Coping with change involves two main elements; the process and the application. The first 3 habits help you understand how to process change and the second 3 habits help you understand how to apply change.

Habit #1: Seek Change

Most people do a lot of talking about change but most do very little to facilitate change. Highly effective people understand the importance of constantly seeking change; they understand that only through change can you grow.

This means that seeking change is vital to your personal growth; unless you are willing to change, there can be no growth. The first step in coping with change is to first be a part of the group who seeks to change.

It doesn't mean that you should flip flop on your core values and beliefs but rather seek out and affect the type of changes that exemplify them and strengthen you in your convictions. Additionally, in the pursuit of change, you will often come to see the world more openly and any update to your core values and beliefs will most certainly be positive – this is organic evolution at its finest.

Habit #2: Accept Change

The second habit in coping with change is accepting it for better or worse. Sure, it is easy to accept change when the change is the one you want. More importantly though, it is key to learn how to accept even those changes that you don't necessarily like or approve of.

Accepting change does not mean that you condone or support it; however, it does mean that you acknowledge it and make choices accordingly. The biggest mistake that most people make when they face changes they do not want is to ignore them and then act as if they do not exist. Unfortunately, this ignorance does not negate the effect of the change; more often than not though, people end up frustrated, disappointed and/or hurt because of their own ignorance.

When you truly accept change – you accept it all. You endeavor to see the whole and then make choices to deal with it accordingly. Even if you decide for whatever reason to stand apart from change – you still choose to acknowledge its occurrence and therefore do not remain ignorant.

Let me put it this way…

We shed skin, lose hair, we live, we die a physical death and up to 150 species go extinct every single day. All of this is inevitable change and whether you are aware of it or not, they still happen. Getting the picture? Good… let's move on then…

Habit #3: Embrace Change

The third habit in coping with change is to embrace it. Truly successful individuals practice this relentlessly because they understand that this is how you become a true scholar of growth. When you can embrace change, you are able to learn all there is to learn from it.

Have you ever heard the cliché "everything happens for a reason?" Well, it is true and truly successful people believe it and this is why they endeavor to embrace change – ALL CHANGE.

Again, it doesn't mean that you condone or support the change – it just means that you not only accept it but you are open to it without judgment. Judgments are automatic blockers to learning because they close you off in the most profound ways. It is extremely difficult to learn anything new when you come to the class with preconceived notions. This is because for the most part, you have already made up your mind about the outcome and therefore you are unable to see beyond your own ignorance.

You can only take advantage of knowledge to the degree that you are aware of it. Essentially, if you do not know all that is available, it is impossible to use all that is available.

The embrace of change is the fertilizer for creativity and imagination that sparks the greatest change.

Furthermore, it is important to point out that we all have varying perceptions and views and that the greatest discoveries are made by seeing the world through the eyes of another. This being said, in embracing change, it is paramount that you also embrace the changes and/or differences in your fellowman. Instead of ostracizing people for being different, include them because of it so that you can learn from each other. This is the epitome of embracing change.

These 3 habits help you to PROCESS change. Practice them and you will undoubtedly see profound and positive improvement in coping with change.

Habit #4: Embody Change

The fourth habit in coping with change is to embody it. This habit is only applied when you do in fact condone and support the change. Regardless of how you become aware of the change, you choose to follow it because it aligns with your core values and beliefs.

In this case, it is important that you first consult your inner compass to make sure that this change is aligned with the things you believe in – with things that are most important to you. Then and ONLY then should you embody any change. Even if this new change takes you off your original course, in my experience, it is best to go with it if it is in alignment with your core values and beliefs.

Habit #5: Epitomize Change

As Gandhi said "Be the change you wish to see in the world." This is what it means to epitomize change. It is vital that you lead by example – that you are the epitome of the changes you want to see around you. When you are the epitome of change, coping with change becomes so much simpler because you can more easily make choices to deal with changes.

In other words, whether you stand apart from or embody change, your choices are clear based on your core values and beliefs and the types of changes you exemplify. Also, you become a lot less frustrated by the changes others make that you do not like when you are a living example of the changes you wish to contribute to the world. It's harder to knock others for their voice when you too have your own.

Habit #6: Affect Change

Habit #5 and #6 go hand-in-hand when it comes to coping with change. For once you epitomize the changes you wish to see around you, your circle of influence grows automatically and much more rapidly. People tend to follow those who have a strong and focused voice with substance to support it as opposed to a loud mouth complainer without a backbone.

Truly successful people understand that in order to create the best changes, the enrollment of others is important – it is crucial. They are proactive and they understand that "proactive people always affect changes while reactive people are always affected by changes."

In affecting change, you aim to impart your knowledge and wisdom onto others only in an effort to make them better in some way. This is not about power and control – it is about making others better for having known you. The moment it becomes about anything else, it is corrupt and no longer valid.

Additionally, when you are an affecter of change, it means that you do not stand around and wait for an invitation to do what you feel in your heart is right. Regardless of what the masses are doing, as a change agent, you must endeavor to do what is necessary to achieve the results you desire. No matter what, you have to be willing to stand your ground.

Essentially, you must be willing to stand on your core values and beliefs even if you stand alone – this is how you affect change. When you are convicted, confident, and exemplary and you clearly know where you are going, others will soon follow. You need not worry about finding others to join the cause; they will undoubtedly find you because that is what people do when they need a leader. Just remember that leaders lead from the front and not from the back.

Ever seen those epic war movies? Where was the king? That's right – usually leading the charge and not standing behind a curtain pretending to be some all-knowing wizard barking orders at the troops.

These 3 habits help you to APPLY change. Practice them and you will undoubtedly see profound and positive improvement in coping with change.

 

 

 

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