Dean L. Forbes

Attitude, Aptitude & Altitude – Powerful Principles in Personal Leadership

You cannot lead others in any area of life until you first succeed in leading yourself in the same. This is what it means to lead by example. 

Mohandas Gandhi said “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Truer words have never been spoken about personal leadership – leading self. Essentially, the powerful principle at work here says that to the degree that you can lead yourself successfully – you can lead others to that level. You cannot however help others succeed at anything beyond a level that you have not attained.  That would be like you coaching an apple tree on what type of apples to bear. It doesn’t make sense – does it? 

Success in your personal growth will be defined by your success in personal leadership. It will be crystallized by how well you lead yourself in the different areas of your life. How you lead yourself is the way you will lead others. 

Ever notice how those individuals who seem to hate their lives are consistently saying and doing things to make others miserable? Often times we are not even aware of our behavior until we either reap the negative consequences or someone who loves us enough tells us about it. 

Success in your personal leadership will depend on many factors; however, following are 3 of the major pillars of personal leadership. The goal of this article is to not only raise your awareness to these factors but also to help you understand how they apply in your life and your personal growth.

 

1.    Attitude

The manner in which you approach any situation is crucial to the results that you ultimately achieve. If you can maintain a positive attitude, you will always be able to find the upside in almost any situation. 

While I am completely aware that it is sometimes hard to maintain a positive attitude, I am totally convinced that doing so makes a significant difference in the results you achieve. 

Your attitude determines your mindset; it is the foundation on which your responses sit. The attitude you choose to have – and yes it is your choice – will determine how effective you are. 

To maintain a positive attitude, it is important that you believe in 3 things:

1.      Believe in choice – you must believe in your ability to choose your attitude and your responses in any given situation. No matter how hard it may seem, how you respond to circumstances and the people around you is your choice. You are the master of your fate and the choices you make determine it. 

2.      Believe in possibilities – make no assumptions and embrace change; this is how you believe in possibilities. When you believe in possibilities, it opens your heart and mind to new worlds; some of which you have only imagined and even the ones you have not. This mindset significantly impacts your attitude in a positive way because when you are open instead of closed, your experiences are richer and you feel a whole lot better. 

3.      Believe in the future – your attitude will be acutely affected by your hope for the future. If you have no hope then your attitude will be one of pessimism and cynicism. If you truly have hope for the future – a better tomorrow – your attitude will reflect it and so will your choices. 

The way that you approach your life and your outlook for the future are the fuel for a positive attitude. Without a positive attitude, it will be hard for you to imagine a better tomorrow. This is why your mindset is so important to your success – to improving your personal leadership.

 

2.  Aptitude

Success in your personal leadership also requires that you continuously seek to improve your abilities. If you can only lead others to the level of success that you’ve experienced then consistently improving your abilities will provide you with more experiences and knowledge to share. 

Your aptitude determines how well you do something; it is the level of your abilities that will sustain the fire in your attitude. If you do not seek to improve your skills or use your gifts then you will continue to struggle. The more you struggle the harder it will become to maintain a positive attitude. 

A very popular misconception is that having a positive attitude is all you need to succeed. While it is obvious that a positive attitude is vital to success, it cannot stand alone. If you have no clue what you are doing and no plans to learn, you will achieve nothing. Your attitude is the foundation; however, your abilities determine the success in execution.

There is no use sending in the world’s greatest electrician to do a plumber’s job – he simply doesn’t have the propensity for fixing pipes; wires for sure but not pipes. Additionally, no one wants to follow anyone who is clueless about what he/she is doing or where he/she is going. 

High aptitude requires 3 things:

1.      Keen awareness – the more aware you are, the better the choices you make and the more effective you will be. It is easy to become aware of your strengths; however, becoming aware of your shortcomings is more difficult because we don’t want to see ourselves in that light. It is important though to look at yourself honestly and give an accurate assessment of your abilities. The more you know what you don’t know, the more you will learn.

2.      Practice – it does truly make perfect. The more you do something the better you become at it and the more success you achieve. High aptitude comes from doing; acting on the things you learn. 

3.      Mentorship – this goes both ways in improving aptitude. While it is vital to your personal growth and leadership that you find and follow mentors, it is equally vital that you mentor others. Although this is also a form of leading others, it can do wonders for your own personal leadership. The more you share your knowledge and experience with others, the more room you create to fill up on more knowledge and experience. One of the best ways to keep learning is to teach. 

If you can master these 3 elements, your aptitude – your skill level will improve significantly.

 

3.  Altitude

Your altitude is about the heights to which you can grow. We all have the potential to reach tremendous heights; however, many of us won’t even reach half that potential. Your altitude is fueled by your attitude and aptitude. 

With the right mindset and the consistent growth of your skill set, there are no limits to what you can achieve. There are no limits except for those that we place on ourselves. Often times the biggest roadblocks we face are in our minds. 

Let’s look at altitude from an academic standpoint. In order to move to the next level, you must successfully pass different tests or exams that the curriculum requires. Essentially, your studies prepare you so that you can showcase your level of ability on these tests or exams. If you cannot pass the tests or exams for a particular level, you do not earn your degree so that you can move to the next level. 

Individuals who consistently move to the next level all have to focus on these 3 things:

1.      Desire – you must understand your true desires in order to reach high altitudes. The more you understand what it is you truly seek, the better your choices will be, bringing you ever closer to your goals. With a crystallized goal in mind, your choices and actions will reflect that intensity. 

2.      Intent – knowing exactly what you intend is like an arrow heading for the bull’s eye; its purpose is clear. Desire precedes intent and intent precedes follow through. Again, it is important to truly understand exactly what your intentions are; this is your guiding light for the choices you make. You decide what to do and say based on your true intent. Academia-wise, your true intent will dictate how much you need to study and so forth.

3.      Follow through – without action, nothing gets done. This is why it is important to follow through on your plans. Personal leadership requires that you follow through on your intent in order to achieve your goal. When your desire and intent are clear, it will help you to avoid the pitfalls of the debilitating disease of procrastination. 

The most beautiful thing about altitude is that it is defined by the limitations you place on yourself. Altitude is a principle which means it is limitless; you can never exhaust it. The minute you understand that, you realize a profound shift in your mindset. Once you begin to believe in infinite possibilities and that the universe has the power to deliver anything you desire – you’re truly FREE. 

My experience has been that improving these 3 powerful principles in personal leadership result in milestone successes every single time. Whenever I have applied them, the results I have achieved have been profound, impacting and fulfilling. 

If you can improve your ability to lead yourself, others will want to follow your example because you are authentic. 

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The Natural Law of Awareness

What you are aware of you can act on; what you are unaware of acts on you. This is such a profound realization as taught to me by one of my mentors. The simple truth of it is refreshing once you grasp it and the light bulb goes on in your head. 

Awareness is a principle that exists and operates in our lives whether we are aware that it does or not. Understanding how it works is crucial to success in your personal growth and development. My experience is that the more keen your awareness in a situation or about a particular circumstance, the more effective your actions and the results you achieve. 

Let’s first define awareness… 

Awareness speaks to your level of consciousness; how awake you are in a particular situation. It speaks volumes about your knowledge, responsiveness and alertness. It is about your sensitivity to you, circumstances and those around you. It goes to your receptiveness of the outside world and how you manage it on the inside. 

To the degree that you are aware of the inner and outer world, the effectiveness of your choices, thoughts and actions will reflect the same. How you behave will largely depend on how aware you are. 

When you raise your level of awareness, you automatically raise your potential for success. This is how the principle – the natural law of awareness works. It exists and operates whether you know it or not or believe it or not. It simply is. 

In my experience, awareness comes in 4 forms. You may have seen them categorized differently; however, these are basically the 4 different forms of awareness.

 

1.    Unawareness

The fact that you have no clue what is going on does not negate the fact that there is a level of awareness in play. In a state of ignorance, everything and everyone is acting on you without your knowledge. You may blame and complain about your circumstance and others at this level; however, the truth is that your unawareness is the real culprit in your frustration. 

When you lack knowledge of something; you also lack the ability to make other choices simply because you don’t even know they exist. In this case, ignorance is not necessarily bliss – in fact, it could be down right miserable. 

Here’s the lesson… 

Whether you have knowledge or not doesn’t mean that the knowledge doesn’t exist and that its existence isn’t operating in your life. It may be a little weird or hard to grasp at first BUT think about it – really think about it.

 

2.  Reactive Awareness

In this case you are always aware of and act on circumstances and people around you. The focus of your choices, thoughts and actions are largely based on how others view and treat you. 

Also, at this level, you do not accept total responsibility for your own choices, thoughts and actions. Since you are mostly reacting to circumstances and other people, you blame them for your choices, thoughts and actions. This is reactive behavior which causes a severe lack of self-leadership. 

Reactive awareness is not ideal simply because it leaves you out of the equation. When all your choices, thoughts and actions are based on circumstances and/or other people, you lack your own voice. You are not making decisions based on the things you value most but rather on the things you believe others value most.

No matter what you believe at this moment, it is certain that this way of thinking will lead to frustration and unhappiness. This is because, you cannot have good and firm grounding or a good sense of direction when you are simply blowing the way others and circumstances blow. If you change your stance with the direction of the wind, you will ultimately spiral into chaos, confusion and disarray. Your level of personal growth and success will undoubtedly be stunted.

 

3.  Proactive Awareness

Proactive awareness is complete awareness. In this mindset, although you are aware of others and circumstances, you are most aware of yourself. You are completely in tune with your choices, thoughts and actions and you understand that these are the things you truly control. 

You do not blame and complain about others and circumstances when things go wrong because you realize that your choices, thoughts and actions precipitated that outcome. Proactive awareness demands that you be responsible for you; the way you think and act in any given situation.

This means that you are aware of your strengths and your shortcomings; you are aware of others in the same manner; however, you do not base your choices on them. Your choices are based on your core values regardless of what others think. The person you show others is the person you want to be and not the person they want you to be. 

This is the practice of complete awareness – proactive awareness. You take a deliberate stance to be a person who evaluates his/her own choices, thoughts and actions so that you can learn to improve yourself.

 

4.  Instinctive Awareness

Frankly, this list could stop at 3; however, I have found it quite valuable to include this 4^th form of awareness. My experience is that when you practice something over and over again, you only become better and better at it. At some point, you no longer seem to have to put much effort into succeeding at it because it has become a habit – a part of your DNA. 

This form of awareness, I have dubbed instinctive awareness. At this level, you are so keenly aware that things seem to happen and function automatically. You make choices, think thoughts and act with your core values guiding you on auto-pilot. Certainly since you are always learning, there are things that will always be at the other 3 levels. Eventually though, if you are diligent in your practice and seek to improve your awareness at all times, you will end up here – at this level. 

For instance, reading, writing and attending seminars and workshops by incredible individuals from whom I can continue to learn is not something I really have to think about anymore. I just do it; it seems automatic. I instinctively spend time, money and resources improving my own personal power, growth and self-awareness. I love doing that and I realize of course that it helps me tremendously to help others even better. 

This is just me – what’s your vice? 

Here’s the caveat… 

As with all principles, your results are based on how well you operate in line with them. This means that especially at the level of instinctive awareness, if you are practicing negative behaviors, you will undoubtedly reap negative results. 

These are basically the 4 forms of awareness; as I said, you may categorize them differently; however, these are they. 

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The Natural Law of Choice & Result

It is an absolute that there are natural laws – universal principles that exist and act in our lives whether we believe it or not. These are no different than the law of gravity which basically says that what goes up must come down unless you remove gravity from the environment. 

As it pertains to our personal growth, it is imperative that we are aware of, understand and apply these principles in our lives. The pinnacle of success is achieved only when we adhere to natural laws. 

This article focuses on the natural law of Choice & Result. The absolute of this universal principle is that every choice has a specific end result. To the degree that you understand this natural law and how it applies to your personal growth, the results you achieve will reflect the same. 

The goal then is to help you properly define Choice and Result and then understand its most effective application in your life and for your personal growth.

 

The Meaning of Choice

While choice by definition means preferences, selection and options, I wanted to broaden its scope by delving even deeper. Choice at its very core; the spirit of it is truly about alternatives, abundance, possibilities and pro-activity. 

To take it a step further, choice is a responsibility; it centers on our ability to choose (select) our responses in any given situation. It is about being proactive in all that we do. This is why Choice is the Ultimate Power. 

The mere fact that we all have choices is indicative of the infinite possibilities that we can never exhaust. The examples of this principle are numerous. 

Who knew that the Internet would connect billions of people around the world in common bonds? What about Google? Who knew such a simple interface would have the power to help you find what you want when you wanted it – all in a virtual space? The list goes on and on and on… you can never exhaust it. 

This is the true meaning of choice.

 

The Meaning of Result

A result is the effect of a choice; it is the outcome caused by a decision that has been made. In the interest of broadening the scope of the word even further; a result is the consequence of a possibility. 

Yes, I am oversimplifying; however, I want you to get a simple point. The point is that results are not accidents; they are directly linked to choices. Even when we do not mean for something to happen and it happens any way, this result is due to a choice that was made. 

We may call it an accident and that’s fine for context; however, it is important to understand that a different choice would have produced a different result. In this vein, it is plain to see that we have the ultimate power to affect the results we achieve by making the right choices to do so. 

Simply put, there are no accidents. Every situation is precipitated by choices whether you believe it or not or whether you are aware of it or not. The fact that you are ignorant does not mean that the principle is not at play.

 

The Principle of Choice

I have written about choice extensively; still, I constantly get bombarded with comments and opposing arguments regarding my stance on choice as the ultimate power. The fact is that choice is a principle; it exists whether you believe it or not. It is always working whether you are aware of it or not. 

Choice precipitates thoughts and actions; it is where the party begins. 

OK… I’m going to attempt to anticipate all the questions, comments and resistance to this belief. Of course whether you believe me or not is absolutely irrelevant since principles merely exist and operate without bias and in a timeless vortex. 

There are 4 different mindsets to making choices; this is where I believe most of the confusion lies. Most individuals don’t even know the difference.

 

1.      Unconscious Incompetence

These are the choices we make in total and complete ignorance. We have no clue that other possibilities even exist so we just take whatever options are handed to us. This is the state of mind when you don’t know what you don’t know; nonetheless, you are still making choices. A choice to be ignorant though foolish is still a choice.

 

2.      Conscious Incompetence

In this state of mind at least you do have an understanding that you don’t know everything and more importantly that there are other possibilities. You still aren’t in a frame of mind to make the best choices; however, this is a good place to make new discoveries. You have made the choice not to be an ignorant moron. 

 

3.      Conscious Competence

In this mindset, you have elevated your game to making proactive choices to learn and grow. You completely understand that there are other possibilities. Furthermore, you believe that your success comes from the choices that you make and so you begin to practice and develop good habits. You are now aware that you don’t know squat and more importantly you are completely open to learn and discover new ways of doing things. You now understand that practice makes perfect.

 

4.      Unconscious Competence

This is the pinnacle of the ultimate power of choice; in this mindset, proactivity is now a habit; you are this way even when you sleep. Your choices are grounded in correct principles and you have high self value. Of course you are still learning new things; however, the habits that you have mastered are now a part of your DNA. 

Your choices surrounding these values you hold dear are now on automatic pilot. This is where the strength of your character becomes predictable which provides you a solid reputation for saying what you mean and doing what you say. You now consistently achieve the results you desire. 

These are the 4 mindsets of making choices; whether you believe it or not, you are in one of these mindsets each time you make a choice. I know that I have been in all 4 of them; I also know that I am in mindset 3 and 4 more often than not these days. Can you say the same? 

I am not saying this to brag; I am saying it because I believe that it is important that you understand choice and how it applies to your life and your personal growth. We are always making choices so make sure you are in the right mindsets when you make yours.

 

The Principle of Result

Since choice is a principle, then it stands to reason that the effect of choices is also a principle – results. Achieving the results you desire depend almost entirely upon the choices you make. 

Stephen R. Covey puts it this way… 

We have no control over 10% of the things that happen to us because those result from the choices other people make. The other 90% of what happens to us is based on how we respond to the 10%. 

Simply put, while 10% of the things that happen to us are out of our control, the other 90% certainly is based on how we handle that 10%. This is known as the 90/10 principle. 

There are 3 different types of results we can achieve.

1.      Monotonous

Monotonous results are repetitious and same; they usually include making the same choices over and over again while expecting different results. This is of course the definition of insanity; still, many individuals fall into this trap constantly. These types of results are most likely the product of the level 1 mindset of choice – unconscious incompetence. It can also occur in the level 2 mindset if you have not yet reached the threshold of pain for your particular situation. 

The fact is that people don’t change until the need for change becomes self-evident so monotony is something you are likely to experience in your results until you choose to change.

 

2.      Unexpected

These are the “accidents” of the world; the results you do not plan for. Although unexpected, they are still precipitated by choice. While these results can occur at any mindset level, it is much easier to grasp and adapt when you completely understand choice. An unexpected result occurs when you make a choice in the hopes of achieving one thing and end up achieving something different.

The fact that you ended up with unwanted or unexpected results does not negate the fact that had you not made the choices you did, you would not have achieved the results you did. Unexpected results are not necessarily bad and are infinitely good if you can always find the lesson or wisdom within them.

 

3.      Expected

These are the results that you do plan for; your choices are deliberate in these instances. When you achieve the results you desire, it is due to a series of choices that you made purposely to do so. 

For the most part expected results happen when choices are made in the level 3 and 4 mindset. In these mindsets, you begin your journey at the finish line and then take the appropriate steps to achieve the vision and the mission. With a strong focus on the goal and diligence in execution, deriving expected results becomes – well – more expected. 

These are the 3 types of results that you can achieve. Whether you believe it or not, you achieve these results based on the choices that you make. Your mindset level when making the choices will greatly influence the type of results you achieve. 

The Natural Law of Choice & Result is constantly at work – nonstop – and unbiased. These are universal principles that do not break or change – they merely exist and operate whether we believe that they do or not. 

Take a hard look at your own life and situation; examine your own personal growth challenges and I am sure that if you are honest with yourself, you will realize the power in understanding the principles of choice and result.

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How to Overcome Stagnation

Ever feel stuck – like you’re going nowhere in life? Ever felt like everyone and everything is just passing you by? Does it make you feel powerless? 

Many, if not all, of us have had this feeling at some point in our lives; this is often referred to as Stagnation. It is what happens when you reach a point in your life where you feel unsure of what you want to do and where you want to go. As a result, you don’t move at all – neither backwards nor forwards. Needless to say, this can be quite frustrating and dejecting. 

The BIG question is what you do about it when it happens. How do you overcome Stagnation? 

If you’ve ever felt stuck, this article will help to raise your awareness to the symptoms and provide some valuable insights of how you can beat this success-debilitating disease.

 

Symptoms of stagnation

• Lack of focus – this is one of the first conditions that strike when stagnation sets in; you lose your center and begin to feel scattered in your thoughts. You no longer have a grasp of what you are doing or where you are going; your goal seems far away and blurry. 

• Indecisiveness – with lack of focus there is always indecision and confusion; every choice seems way too risky or impossible. You are unable to make good decisions because you don’t even know what your target is.

• Doubt – this is a major roadblock in any success plan; when you lack belief, it’s very difficult to achieve the results you desire. If you do not possess the confidence to move forward, you will be unable to accomplish your goals. Doubt can easily paralyze you.

• Hopelessness – where there is doubt, soon follows the lack of hope for the future. Stagnation demands that you are devoid of all hope of success – no aspiration for something greater than yourself. 

• Cynicism – all these symptoms breed negativity in a BIG way. When you are stagnant, it is easy to start believing that good things only happen to certain people but not to you. It also makes you skeptical of everyone else’s success; it makes you feel like only the lucky ones get the prize but poor saps like you get royally screwed by everyone and everything.

• Depression – ultimately, once you’re experiencing all the above, you tend to be down way more often than you’re up. You lack the energy and the desire to do anything progressive. Depression makes you feel like you don’t even want to bother trying. This is the ultimate success killer and it can really take you down if you are unaware of its presence. It can happen in mini bouts; these are the ones you have to be very careful of. 

You may see these symptoms categorized differently but these are basically the 6 major ones to be aware of. Once you understand the symptoms of stagnation, it will be easier for you to recognize when it is happening to you. This way, you can put a stop to it sooner rather than later – or before it is too late. 

How about a cure for this terrible affliction? 

My experience is that there are basically 5 ways you can overcome stagnation. Any one or a combination of these valuable practices will help alleviate your stuck-ness.

 

1.    Re-evaluate your core values

When stagnation sets in, one of the first things you should do is make sure that your core values are in tact. This is a good time to review your principles – the way you live your life. Make sure that the values you live by are still the ones you want to continue living by. 

More importantly, make sure that you have been living a life that is in line with your core values. More often than not, your core values are in good shape; however, the way you have been living may have fallen out of line. 

Be honest with yourself; look hard at the choices that you’ve made. Remember that you have what you have and you are where you are because of the choices that you’ve made. The reason to study this is to pinpoint those choices that were made without consulting your blueprint – your core values. 

We’ve all made decisions like this one – I know I have. It is usually the emotional and impulsive decisions. The point of this exercise is to understand that you made these choices and that you can live with the consequences. Furthermore, you can learn from the outcome of those choices. That is why we make mistakes – so we can learn and grow from them. 

The fact is that if you make it a point to re-evaluate your core values from time to time; you can possibly ward off stagnation all together.

 

2.  Redefine your mission

Another step to overcoming stagnation is to redefine your mission. Often times we hit roadblocks because we lose sight of the goal. Somewhere along the way to the target, we fall off track. This is perfectly normal – you can’t predict every occurrence; however, you can be prepared for anything by being proactive. 

Review your mission to make sure that it is still what you want to achieve. Make sure that your intent is in line with that mission. Sometimes our intent changes on the journey; something else becomes more important than the mission you started out to accomplish. That is also ok – just make sure that your mission still lights a fire in your belly. 

Your mission defines the goal and drives the actions you must take to achieve it. If this is not crystal clear then your actions will be equally muddled. It will be difficult for you to achieve the results you desire if you are not absolutely certain about your intent.

 

3.  Change your mission

If you attempt to redefine your mission and find that it is no longer what you desire; perhaps it’s time to consider changing it. This is often difficult for people to do because they view it as starting over. 

The main thing to realize in this case is that changing your mission is moving forward and not backward. Whenever you move on to something new and especially if it’s better – this is making progress. Sometimes in order to achieve our goals, we have to completely change our mission. 

This goes back to the scenario of something else becoming more important than the mission you initially set out to accomplish. Remember that sometimes, it takes one road to lead you to the road of your true purpose. It’s ok for one mission to run its course in your life so that you can embark on a newer and greater challenge. 

There was a time in my life when all I wanted to be was a rapper/producer and I was heavily involved in the music industry. I truly loved what I was doing. After that I discovered my love for public speaking and ultimately creating this blog which led me to my true purpose in life. My mission has changed a few times; however, my ultimate goal has always been to help others grow; to find their voice. I have sought to do that in all my roles thus far and this is what I truly enjoy. 

I hope that made the point for you.

 

4.  Change your circle

Many times, the people we choose to hang out with is the reason we feel held back; causing stagnation in our lives. This is definitely a hard one; however, sometimes you just have to change your circle. 

In some cases it could simply mean that you change the way you interact with someone. In others, though it may seem harsh, it may be time to end the relationship all together. This is especially difficult when you truly like or love someone. My experience is that although this is hard, when the choice is made for the right reasons with the right intent, it has always been worth it. 

I have been here a couple of times so I appreciate the emotional difficulty of this situation – I truly empathize. 

The point is that there are times in our lives when our friends are not moving in the same direction we are and in order to achieve our goals, we simply have to go our own way. Stagnation often envelops the people you are most often with. If your choices are often tied to your circle, make sure your circle is aligned with your true desires otherwise you will have to move on at some point if you want to cure your stagnation.

 

5.  Take a different route

Detour ahead… sometimes it is as simple as taking that left turn at Albuquerque. (If you didn’t get that… go watch Bugs Bunny) 

Sometimes the cure for stagnation is simply to go in a different direction. Perhaps the way you’ve been going has too many roadblocks and you may just need to turn left instead of right. Many times, this opens up new avenues of pursuit that propel you to your goal. 

There is no rule that says you can’t change route mid-stride; it is your journey and you can get to your destination any way you choose. The path of least resistance is always best, just ask Deepak Chopra. 

The point is when life throws you a curve; you should take it because if you keep going straight you’ll probably crash into something solid like a brick wall. 

Seriously, don’t be afraid to change directions; another route may be the thing you need to get you out of the mud. 

Now that you know the cure… what are you going to do about it?

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How to Increase Your Personal Power

Personal Power; we all have it whether we realize it or not. Those who are keenly aware of it and understand its purpose utilize and grow it consistently. Highly effective individuals possess a zealous sense of their personal power. Those who are unaware of it and whom do not understand its purpose consistently give away or allow others to rob them of their personal power. 

My experience has been that the more in tuned you are with your Personal Power, the more pristine your clarity and the more effective and impactful the results you achieve. The goal of this article is to raise your awareness and increase your understanding of your own Personal Power and what it means to your success.

 

What is Personal Power?

First, let’s define what we are talking about.

Personal Power is the ability to master your fate by choosing to lead and direct your life from the inside-out. In this vein, your value system is your compass by which you move; while people and circumstances may influence you, only your choices based on the set of principles that you live by determine your actions.

 

Develop Keen Self-awareness

In order to fully exercise your personal power, you must first seek to increase your self-awareness. You must know thy self. If you do not know yourself – what makes you tick; it will be difficult for you to increase your power. Knowing who you are and what you stand for are crucial elements to succeeding in this area. 

Following is a mini-guide to help you better understand what I’m driving at when I say seek self-awareness. 

• Develop a Personal Mission Statement – this basically means that you work on outlining your purpose in life. What are your unique abilities that you will utilize to add value to the people around you – to the world? How do you create and distribute value through your true gifts and talents? 

• Lean on your strengths – all of us have certain qualities and abilities where we excel. These are the characteristics we display most often and/or the abilities that cause us to stand apart from most. It is important that you hone in on these qualities and abilities and use them to enhance your journey and your growth, thereby increasing your personal power. 

• Admit and work on your shortcomings – many individuals cannot admit let alone endeavor to work on their shortcomings. Do not waste your time making excuses for yourself or justifying your shortfalls. Instead, own them and seek new ways to improve upon them. Looking for ways to grow and change and improve yourself in any way already puts you light years ahead of the game in increasing your personal power.

• Let your core values guide you – especially at the times when you face tough choices, fall back on your core values. If your decisions are not in line with your core values, choose a path that is. The more you do this, the more your power and influence will increase because you are firm in your beliefs. If you simply knock about at the behest of the winds that blow, you will become wayward and misdirected. Your core values – your principles – are your compass by which you should make all decisions. 

• Do what is true for you – this is so powerful; the best way to be at peace with your decisions is by first accepting the consequences of your choices. As long as you do what is right and true for you, learn to live with the consequences. If you can do this more often than not, you will experience a profound and positive shift in your personal power. All choices come with a consequence – positive or negative. If your values are grounded in correct principles, you should see way more positive than negative consequences.

 

Dispel the illusion of complete control

Many individuals often believe that they are in complete control of every circumstance and even the people in their lives. Even when they say that they don’t believe that, they often act like it. I know I have. 

C’mon, admit it – there is a control freak somewhere inside of you and you know it. The fact is though that we are not in complete control of all that is in our private world. In fact, we only have control over one thing and one thing only – ourselves. 

That’s right; you can only control you. The way you affect changes is to first work on yourself and you affect others and circumstances as your influence grows. Once you begin to understand this concept, your mind opens up to new possibilities. You have to realize that different things move people; there are many choices at play all around you. You must learn to simply focus on your choices and your actions; this is how you increase your personal power and influence. 

If you focus on controlling other people and circumstances, it tends to be easier for you to lose control of the one thing that you actually control – YOU. What we do have is the power to influence other people and circumstances through the choices we make. When you understand the principle, you can quickly see that your main goal is to focus on your personal growth in order to increase your circle of influence. 

Complete control is an illusion – forget about it. Just focus on controlling you and your circle of influence will grow to the degree that you grow personally.

 

Focus on what you can change and influence

What you can change are you, your circumstance and thus your station in life. These are the things that you can choose to act on and make changes. Your personal power grows each time you achieve success in one of these three areas of growth. 

What you can influence are the people and circumstances around you. Essentially, focusing on changing yourself and circumstances first will automatically expand your range of influence. The more successful you are at improving yourself, the more influence you will command.

First seek to improve your personal growth and achieve your goals. With a clear picture of your desires in mind, act on helping others through your gifts and talents to find what they truly desire. If you can create and distribute value through what you do and as you grow, your personal power will increase. 

The point is to make you aware that spending energy on things that merely concern you is a waste of time. Things that only concern you are usually the things that you cannot change and/or over which you have no influence. It is ok to have concerns as long as they do not drive your actions. If your concerns are driving your choices, it will impede your growth and hamper your personal power. 

The fact is that the more you concentrate and changing yourself and influencing the people and circumstances around you, the more your personal power will increase. Also, when your power increases, things that once existed in your circle of concern will begin falling into your circle of influence where you can effectively affect them. 

If you find this the least bit confusing, think of it this way… 

You are the catalyst in all things you desire to achieve. If you can focus on your own growth, your area of influence will grow much more quickly and you will be able to affect change in areas you once could not. Real change occurs from the inside-out and your personal power grows in the same way.

 

Stand on your core values

To stand on anything other than your core values is like standing in quicksand. You will eventually sink. 

This does not mean that you do not value others’ points of view; it simply means that you make your choices based on whether or not they align with your core values. If what someone else believes is not in line with your core values then my recommendation is that you do not follow. 

The hardest thing to do is to stand on your core values when the odds are against you. This is also the time that it matters most; when it seems you stand alone. The truth is that you are never alone when you have good core values to back you up. It may hurt to do it sometimes in the short run; however, my experience is that the pain has always been worth it in the long run. 

Your core values – your principles – are the compass that guides you. These are what help you to make good decisions. They can easily clear up confusion because they are (or should be) clearly defined. 

Your core values are the blueprint to how you live and how you make your choices. When the chips are down, this is where you should be looking before you make tough choices. This way, no matter what happens, you are able to look in the mirror and smile back at yourself knowing that you made the right decision. 

While others may influence you and have a positive impact on your life – your choices are based on your core values. If you are unsure about what your core values are, my recommendation would be to take some time to figure that out. You may start here with this article.

 

Empower others to increase their personal power

As Stephen R. Covey puts it “Help others to find their voice.” 

One of the most effective ways to increase your personal power is to help others increase theirs. This means that you share your knowledge and experience with others. 

There are so many individuals searching for a new way – a new beginning – and an empowering word or two from you might be the difference they’ve been waiting for. To keep your knowledge and experience to yourself is not only selfish but also self-defeating. You learn so much more when you share what you know and furthermore, you open up space for more knowledge to enter. 

The more you teach, the more you learn; the more you share, the more you grow. The more you grow, the more your personal power increases. This also goes back the expansion of your range of influence. Think about the ripple effect of having a positive impact on just one human being if each person only shared with one other person. Your circle of influence increase more than 1,000 fold each time you share your knowledge and experience with someone else. 

When you help others to find their voice, you ultimately find yours. It is a natural law – a universal principle. 

Remember that the more you can increase your personal power, the greater the impact you can make on the world. The difference we make while we are here is the legacy we leave behind for the next generation. 

What do you want yours to be? 

 

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Discover successful habits that allow you to discover, master and unleash your remarkable untapped human potential through the Powerful Principles of Personal Growth Newsletter.

Choice, Change & Consistency – The 3 Cs of Personal Growth

There is a certain period in life that is widely accepted as the “finding yourself” period. This is the time when one is supposed to throw caution to the wind; do whatever feels right and somewhere along the way figure out what the hell you’re supposed to do with the rest of your life. 

Somehow, you are supposed to get hit with an epiphany of your calling. It’s as if the mindset is that if you just “be” and let things happen, everything will fall into place. Go with the flow – what will be will be – it is what it is – and all that jazz. 

I may come under serious fire for saying this but you know me… 

Finding yourself is a load of CRAP!   

There, I said it – and I’m not taking it back either. It’s too late anyway; cyberspace has a hold of it now so if I’m going to be toast then so be it. Got butter? 

That aside, my experience is that there are times in our lives when we aren’t sure of what our next step is and in order to make a decision – we experiment. Of course – who hasn’t? 

I realize that the term “finding yourself” is not really meant to be taken literally; however, it has certainly lost its true meaning. In fact, it is kind of an oxymoron since I don’t believe that you were lost in the first place. Finding anything requires that it must first be lost. What makes more sense is that we can GROW. 

The way we grow and change is completely up to us. Your personal growth is your responsibility and it will not happen if you just simply be. You have to do something about it otherwise you will remain stagnant. No deliberate actions no desired results – period. 

The goal of this article is to help you become keenly aware of the 3 Cs of personal growth – Choice, Change and Consistency. Without these 3 your personal growth cannot flourish the way you desire; they are essential to your success.

 

Choice

I am not going to speculate about how the first man/woman was born; however, it is no speculation that all things begin with Choice. Whether yours or others, when things are put into motion they happen in the sequence they do based on the choices that have been made. 

We are all the sum of our choices. You are where you are and have what you have because of the choices you have made. I know that many people don’t sit on the same side as I on this because of the misconception that lack of awareness negates choice. This could not be further from the truth. The fact that you may not know that you have other options does not negate the fact that in all things you must still make a choice. Even the decision to remain ignorant is a choice; perhaps not a good one for the most part but it is nonetheless – a choice. 

If you accept that your personal growth is your responsibility, you’ve already made a choice. Taking steps to improve it are just another series of choices that you have to make to see that you achieve the results you desire. 

There has also been the argument of environment, circumstances and parentage being the determining factors for your future. Again – this is a load of – well I’m sure you get the idea. 

Certainly who your parents, your environment and your circumstances all influence how you think and what you do; however, in no way do they determine. You are certainly free to make a choice to change your stars. It is not about whom your parents are – it’s about whom you are – what you want. Choice is what determines your future. 

If you don’t believe it – consider this… 

I’ve heard of a study conducted at a prestigious university about 100 of the world’s greatest leaders. Of the 100, 75% were found to have come from either an extremely impoverished background or had been stricken with some severe physical or mental defect. How would you explain the success these individuals were able to achieve? They didn’t just achieve personal success; these world class leaders literally changed the world. 

That is because they understood that leadership is a choice; that everything you are and everything you do are a true reflection of the choices that you make. Need I say more… ok then I will? 

How about high school football coach Charlie Wedemeyer; whom despite stricken with Lou Gehrig’s disease and being a quadriplegic led his team to a 14-12 championship victory in 1985. Although Charlie was no longer able to speak, he mouthed his instructions to his wife who told it to the assistant coaches who told it to the players. He did all this while laying flat on his back unable to move any part of his body except his eyes and his lips. What a remarkable display of will power and choice that is. 

Like I said – everything begins with choice and your personal growth won’t improve until you choose to improve it.

 

Change

With choice comes change – it’s automatic. When you choose to improve your personal growth, it is inevitable that there will be changes. You cannot grow unless you Change. You cannot change unless you choose to. 

It is impossible to achieve any level of growth without change first occurring. The very act of growing is in effect changing. No growth can take place at the same level of awareness prior to the growth. With awareness comes new thought and with new thought comes new action which begets change. 

There is a reason for changing seasons – it involves a cycle of growth and we receive a new cycle each year through the 4 seasons. In order to achieve the results you desire in your personal growth, you must be willing to change what you are doing today. You will be unsuccessful if you simply continue doing the same things and expect different results – that’s insanity. 

The most important thing to remember about change is that it happens with or without you. Just because you refuse to change doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. Change is a principle – a constant – it doesn’t matter what you or anyone else does, it will simply exist – always.

 

Consistency

The last of the 3 Cs of personal growth is Consistency. The fact is that the more you continue to do something, the better you become at it. Continued growth requires consistent action day after day. No one is perfect so of course you will have your bad days. The key to your success is making sure that you have more good days than bad. 

My experience is that once you find a compelling reason to remain consistent, it gets easier; you begin to enjoy the journey. Find the fuel you need to propel you every day and it will become easier for you to maintain discipline. 

It is through consistency that we develop habits; make sure that you are consistent with the right things. Just like change, consistency is a principle and it is at work even when you aren’t. It merely exists and you will get from it what you feed it. If you feed it bad habits, you will consistently get bad results. 

Think of it this way…

There is a story of an old Eskimo who had 2 dogs – a black one and a white one. Every Saturday, the dogs would fight until they wore each other out and the last one standing would win. Some days the white dog won and on other days the black dog won. The interesting thing was that no matter which dog won, the old Eskimo always seemed to bet on the winner. One day, a young man asked the old Eskimo, “How is it that you are always able to bet on the winning dog week after week no matter which one wins?” The old Eskimo replied “Well that’s easy son, I just bet on the one that I had been feeding all week.” 
  

That’s an analogy I heard listening to Zig Ziglar and it makes perfect sense here. Basically, whatever you feed wins in the end. So, if you are going to be consistent make sure you are building the habits that will help you achieve the results you desire. Too often we spend time consistently feeding the wrong energy and then wonder why we don’t get the things we really want. 

It’s very simple; if you consistently feed negativity you will habitually get negative results. If you consistently feed positivity, you will habitually get positive results.

 

What do the 3 Cs mean to you?

That depends completely on your goals and your understanding of how these constants apply to your personal growth. 

In general I can say that these 3 Cs are vital to your personal growth. If you intend to achieve any success in the things you do, be prepared to make the 3 Cs conscious habits. Choices you are going to make no matter what you think; even if you believe that ignorance negates choice, it doesn’t matter. That is your CHOICE. 

The bottom line is that if the 3 Cs are not happening at some level in your life, it’s safe to say you aren’t growing either. That means your personal growth has now become your personal stagnation.

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Discover successful habits that allow you to discover, master and unleash your remarkable untapped human potential through the Powerful Principles of Personal Growth Newsletter.

How to Develop and Cultivate Wisdom

Contrary to what many believe, wisdom is not simply a byproduct of aging and getting old. Sure, for the most part we all will gain some wisdom from our life experiences over time BUT, that’s really just one facet of wisdom. True sage-like wisdom requires real effort and takes time to develop, however, it can be done and the best part is… YOU can begin developing and cultivating it at any age. 

This article will cover the fundamentals of developing and cultivating wisdom. This is a deliberate process that requires diligent work in order to achieve the results you desire. Seriously, this article is more than 3,500 words long but it is jam packed with incredible insights. If you are pressed for time and you’re really interested in the topic, I urge you to print it out for later… and read it as you sip some organic Jasmine Green Tea. 

Firstly, let me make one thing clear… wisdom is not simply a level of knowledge you acquire like a degree and then you graduate… rather it is an on-going and consistent process. Real wisdom lies in the constant growing and learning of an individual. This is a life-long process in your personal growth and development that requires a deep level of commitment.

 

The Fundamental Building Blocks of Wisdom

Developing and cultivating wisdom requires that you consistently feed the four quadrants of you… your mind, body, heart and spirit. 

True wisdom is found in the oneness of these four parts of the self. The more harmonized the quadrants, the wiser your decisions will be and the more successful and impactful your actions. The difference between success and failure lie in the decisions we make and the actions we take. Aligning the four quadrants of you will certainly serve you well in making positive changes in your personal growth and development… in your life. 

I am sure that you will agree that if you knew of a way you could guarantee that you made wiser choices in your life that you’d at the very least be interested in trying it. If that’s the case then this is your challenge because there is definitely a way to guarantee you make wiser decisions and take wiser actions in your life.

 

Feed Your Mind

Wisdom begins with knowledge and as such, you must consistently feed the mind. Notice that I said mind and not brain. The reason for this is that feeding your mind doesn’t just consist of the knowledge you consume into your brain, it also includes stimulating the mind with ideas and new experiences. It involves communicating and connecting with others on an intellectual level. It requires the desire to understand things and people on a deeper level rather than just a superficial one. 

Here’s a starter list of some examples of feeding the mind. 

Read

Reading is fundamental and it could not be truer than in the case of the pursuit of developing and cultivating wisdom. From books, to articles, to blogs and all types of literature, you should always be reading something. You should even read literature that is not in line with your core principles and values because it will either make you more convicted in your beliefs or give you a new perspective. 

Either way, you grow in your knowledge and understanding of the world. I can tell you flatly that these days I am virtually never without a book to read (or listen to in the car). I read constantly and emphatically… I have a genuine thirst for knowledge. 

Talk

You have to talk to people if you want to gain deeper insight and understanding of them. When I say talk to people, I don’t mean walking up to your random stranger and striking up a conversation… although I have done that. Start with people you know, your family, your friends and co-workers. Exchange ideas with the intent to understand their point of view so well that you can repeat it back to them with clarity. This will help you develop a sharp wit and intuition about people in general and also help you hone in on what makes a person tick.

The one caveat here is that you have to be absolutely genuine in your actions. You have to desire to truly exchange ideas and understand the other person or people to whom you are speaking. Simply put superficial and meaningless chit-chat won’t work. 

Share Experiences

Another effective way to develop and cultivate wisdom is to gain insight to how others experience the world and have them learn how you experience it. It doesn’t much matter what the experiences are so long as they are real. Although you will find many commonalities, the real gems are in the discovery of how two people can experience the same thing in entirely different ways.

For instance, take the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center at which time I was working at the Financial Center directly across from the towers joined by an overhead walkway. Some of the people I spoke with afterwards who had watched the whole thing unfold on television were absolutely horrified at what they saw. Watching people jump/fall out of skyscrapers to their death was extremely traumatizing for many of these people. 

Now, for those of us who experienced this on the scene like I, it was more humane to see these people fall because from our vantage point we could see that many of them were literally on fire. So, it was either burn to death or jump to death. I don’t know about you but if death is certain and those are my choices, jumping seems quicker and less painful than burning. 

Do you see how much you can learn when you see things from different perspectives? I apologize if I stirred up any ill feelings with my choice of example because this was probably the saddest and scariest day in my life so I understand… like I said, I was there. (Maybe I’ll cover this in depth in another article… we’ll see) 

Go Places

The mind needs constant newness in order to continue growing so you have to go places and see new things if you want to do this. When was the last time you visited a museum – which reminds me I’m overdue on that one myself? Have you seen a Broadway show lately? 

Seriously, when was the last time you went some place where you really learned something new… saw the world in a different light… from a different angle? I can’t stress enough how important this is. I am not saying that you have to be some kind of history, art and culture junkie but it wouldn’t hurt to gain some insight on how other people lived and live besides you. Learning about the world around you is an effective way to feed the mind. Equally, so is learning and understanding the past as it will give you insight into where we are coming from and foresight about the future.

 

Feed Your Body

Many people think that the body has nothing to do with wisdom. These are the same people who probably live inside their own heads without ever taking the time to come out and play with others. They are completely clueless – seriously, anyone who believes the whole world exists in the mind is on his/her way to the abyss because it is impossible to learn anything new or add any real value to anyone if you never step outside yourself.  

Feeding your body is vital to the process of developing and cultivating wisdom because your body houses the mind – just for starters. Think about it for a moment… how will you diligently seek to feed the mind or any other quadrant for that matter if you are physically incapable? Without a healthy body, you won’t be able to mount the effort it will take to develop and cultivate wisdom. 

Your body needs many things in order to function optimally. Here are a few suggestions on the more important elements to feed the body for the purposes of developing and cultivating wisdom. 

Exercise

Didn’t you just know this was going to come up? Well, at the risk of sounding cliché, exercise is an absolute must. The fact is that it is proven that you feel better, have more energy and radiate more positivity when you exercise – not to mention improved sex drive and vitality.  

You don’t have to become a gym fly but you do have to consistently exercise your body. This could mean 30 minutes of walking everyday, which can do wonders for your body, or hitting the gym 2-4 times a week. If you are pressed for time, you can schedule time to work out at home. I’ve always loved doing a lot of calisthenics… pushups, pull-ups and sit-ups, etc. It’s not exactly going hard at the gym but it gets my juices going which is what’s important. 

Rest

This is so important and in many cases the hardest to accomplish. I personally struggle with this one daily because my wife and I haven’t found the right balance yet… we have two young daughters. Our older is a 2 years old and our younger is 1 year old as of the publishing of this article. It’s extremely challenging but I have also experienced the other side and the profound differences it made in my attitude, my creativity and my energy. 

Rest is vital because it keeps your body fresh and balanced. It renews you when you’ve had enough and makes you feel revitalized. A good rule of thumb is to aim for approximately 8 hours of sleep between the hours of 10 PM and 6 AM. This time frame is considered by many experts to be optimal for the body’s calibration. 

Eat Healthily

Now, this bit of information could be considered subjective, however, speaking from experience, I’d say that it makes a major difference. Your diet is what fuels the cells of the body allowing it to function appropriately. It stands to reason then, that if you feed the body crap food, you’ll get crap functionality. You know… garbage in – garbage out.

Without getting on a soap box and going off on a fanatical tirade about eating a healthy diet, I’ll just provide some simple tips on how you can begin to improve your eating habits and preserve a healthy body.

 

• Do not eat in fast food restaurants – the food in these places are toxic at best and promote obesity and a plethora of fatty-food derived diseases

 

• Stay away from processed foods – this for the most part means any mass manufactured food because they are loaded with preservatives and artificial colors that are made in a lab and therefore no good for you at all; processed foods also have a major link to obesity and heart problems among other things that are bad for your health

 

• Eat natural and organic foods – eat as much food that is closer to nature as possible; science is good and it has its uses but science no matter how good is not better than nature. Natural and organic foods have no preservatives or artificial additives that are made in labs and therefore a thousand times better for you

 

• Drink lots of pure filtered water – I am extremely challenged with this one but I know from experience that it works; 8 glasses a day should do the trick 

I know that a healthy diet might seem way off base for the topic but trust me, it’s very relevant. Personally, my family and I now eat close to 95% pure organic foods at home and rarely eat out at restaurants. I am not saying that you need to make that commitment in order to achieve your goal but I am saying that I feel a thousand times better than I did when I ate crap foods all the time and my energy level has gone through the roof since the transition began in early 2007.

 

Feed Your Heart

If you don’t feed your heart, you will be much less able to connect with people on a deeper level. Most wise choices require a strong synergy between the mind and heart. Feeding the heart will make you more apt to deal with emotional situations; it will help you discern the best course of action in seemingly muddy waters. Many believe that it is in the matters of the heart lies the greatest wisdom. I don’t know if I’d go that far but I’d say that there is certainly a great deal of wisdom in dealing with matters of the heart. 

Feeding the heart does not mean reading a bunch of romance novels or watching meaningless soap operas on television. In order to feed the heart you have to seek out and develop true connection with others. You can simply start with connecting and re-connecting with your family and friends. These are the people closest to your heart and whenever you can be of service to them, it will feed your heart. Simply being a strong shoulder to cry on or an empathetic listener can go a long way to helping someone and even further in feeding the heart. These are real connections when approached with genuine intent. 

You can make connections through direct or indirect channels. By direct channels I mean that you can seek to truly connect with the people you know, meet and come in contact with. By indirect channels on the other hand, I mean that you can volunteer your time and/or services to help those in need or donate to a cause that moves you. Either way, you feed your heart… real connections with people feed the heart. 

Why is this important? This is important because through these acts you will gain invaluable insight into the different things that motivate others. You will discover the little things that inspire and give others direction. 

Why is this important? This is important because in order to exercise true wisdom in your decisions and your actions, you need to know what moves people. It’s not so much that you need to know what moves every single person individually but more that you need to understand how to reach people on a deeper level. This helps you develop your intuition and you will develop the ability to empathize with anyone in most any situation. 

Once again, the caveat is that you have to be genuine in your actions. It is impossible to make true, lasting, impactful and meaningful connections with people if you don’t genuinely desire to do so. A good example of this came to me when I first met my good friend and mentor Ann Mincey. There was a going-away party scheduled for one of the executives at the company where I worked and even though I wasn’t on the invitation list, I ended up at this party. In any case, I’d heard of Ann Mincey many times but never had the pleasure of meeting her although it was an aspiration of mine. 

Shortly after arriving at the party, in walks Ann and to my surprise, she made a b-line straight for me. It was unexpected and exciting all at the same time. She proceeded to introduce herself to me and then asked me what has brought me to this company. The amazing thing was that Ann didn’t simply want to know my name, rank and serial number, she wanted to know me. In her words, she said to me “Tell me your story.” For a moment I thought she was just making small talk but she was serious about the question. Needless to say Ann gave me captive audience in a room full of big-wigs for a whole 30 minutes. I’ve rarely felt more special, loved and connected with than in that moment. 

We often reminisce about it together and I can tell you we made a genuine connection… Ann really went out of her way to connect with me on a deeper level and our relationship is stronger than ever. So suffice it to say that if you are going to connect with people, do it for real. In essence, you have to show love to others. 

By the way, Ann Mincey is one of the wisest people I know… I’ve learned many things from her.

 

Feed Your Spirit

Feeding your spirit really rounds out the others because the spirit is your body’s inner compass. It is the beacon of faith through which belief is strengthened. This is how you renew yourself on a whole so that you can continuously begin anew. As you gather information, learn new things and discover different insights, renewing is the part of the process that helps you boil it all down into meaningful experiences. 

When I say feed your spirit, it is not simply about your religious beliefs, it goes much deeper than that. It’s about your personal growth and development and how you process the changes you’ve made in your life. It’s how you improve your self-awareness and align your values with your actions. Feeding your spirit is all about leading a life that enriches the soul and fulfills your deepest human desires. 

There are many ways that you can feed your spirit – this is truly an individual thing. It depends on who you are and what interests you. That being said, there are a few general concepts that tend to work across the board.

Private time

This is a time for you and you alone in solace. It is a time for reflection and re-evaluation. If you have a journal, you should be writing in it a lot during this time. Many people, including me, often make light of private time but it is so important to your growth. I have now put it on a schedule to ensure that I keep the appointment with myself. YES… it’s that important! 

Give thanks

You should give thanks everyday for your many blessings. Say thank you to the ones you love often for their love and support and say thank you privately to the universe for delivering your blessings. I actually state this in my Personal Mission Statement as something I will do every day. This should be elementary but so often we forget to do these simple things… pay this simple tribute of giving thanks for the things we have. Do it until it’s a habit. 

Meditate

This is an extremely powerful exercise no matter what method you choose. Meditation clears up so much clutter when you commit to doing it, it’s almost uncanny. I don’t think I meditate often enough but the times that I have, I have experienced deep cleansing and clarity beyond my imagination. In fact, it’s a huge part of my article writing preparation. Clearing your mind gives you a chance to re-work the pieces of the puzzle and put it back together in your head in a way that works best for you. It improves your lucidity and precision in your decisions and actions – you know development and cultivation of wisdom. 

Seek fellowship

Whether you find it in your house of worship or around the dinner table, fellowship is crucial to the growth of the spirit. It renews your sense of why you are who you are and why you do what you do. It really brings to light the values that are most important to you. 

Getting together with family can be an extremely uplifting experience especially when there is hearty laughter and unconditional sharing involved. It doesn’t matter who you are, where you’re from and what you do, we all need to form bonds with other people. Whether we know it or not, there are no bonds more important than those formed between human beings. It is through these bonds that we learn, grow and change the most. There is a reason why people ultimately go crazy when they reside in seclusion for long periods of time… they lack human contact. 

Fellowship with others nurtures synergy and helps you harness the power of oneness not only with self but with others. The pinnacle of excellence in building relationships is the ability to work effectively in unison with others. 

If you are not close to your immediate family, seek fellowship with your friends; if you don’t have many friends, join a club. The point is that, fellowship is an important part of developing and cultivating wisdom.

 

All or Nothing

If you are willing to practice in these four areas, I guarantee you will see significant and profoundly positive results in your decisions and your actions. You will realize, just as I did, that wisdom is not a level of degree you acquire but rather it’s an on-going journey of growth and personal development. Others will begin coming to you for advice because you’ve exercised such wisdom in your own life. 

If on the other hand you are not willing to go the distance and practice feeding the four quadrants of you consistently, you will fall short in your wisdom development and cultivation. Eventually, as the world changes, your decisions and your actions will be out of touch with reality because you lack the right foods. 

The fact is the more closely aligned these four quadrants are, the wiser the decisions you make and the actions you take. 

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How to Develop and Cultivate Authentic Leadership

If you are not a leader and do not have any interest in becoming one – STOP NOW – don’t bother reading one more word of this article. It would be absolutely pointless since you won’t benefit and neither will anyone else because you’re content with being ordinary. 

Are you still there? 

Awesome – that makes you extraordinary – for sticking around that is. 

Authentic leadership is a quality that is far too scarce; not enough of us are willing to participate in something greater than ourselves. This is probably because the road isn’t always easy and the price is steep. The commitment necessary to facilitate the emergence of authentic leadership is not something most are willing to accept. 

For the few who are and do, the goal of this article is to provide insights that can undoubtedly help you develop and cultivate authentic leadership. I will share with you what I have learned from some of the finest minds of the last half century; from my experience and many incredible mentors.

 

What is Authentic Leadership?

Authentic Leadership requires that you be the epitome of the changes you want to see in the world. It is leading others by example, doing the right things while exercising the humility to stand with people and not above them. 

It is not about being perfect; it is about the continuous pursuit of excellence not only in self but also in others. My good friend and mentor, Ann Mincey, once gave me a gift of what she sees in me. She presented me with a simple card that read “Others.” This card, once given to her by her pastor, represented the true purpose of leadership in one word. Others simply means that you seek to find the best in and grow others. That’s authentic. 

Authentic leaders are not afraid to roll up their sleeves and get their hands dirty; in fact, you will not find one that would ever ask of anyone what he/she is not willing to do himself/herself. 

Again, it is not about being perfect but rather a constant drive to embody these qualities with the sole purpose of making a positive difference in the lives of others.

 

Who is an Authentic Leader?

No, the answer is not simply anyone; however, it is anyone with the courage to live his/her values no matter what. This person can come from anywhere; from any walk of life; any color, creed or stature – it doesn’t matter. As long as you are open and willing to learn what it takes to tap into your incredible human potential; to unleash your powerful creativity and tenacity in sharing your true gifts – you are an authentic leader. 

If you dare to be different in taking right action even in the face of extreme adversity; if you possess the valor to stand alone on your principles – you are an authentic leader. Contrary to popular belief, leaders are neither born nor made, rather they emerge. They can pop up anywhere and at anytime; it depends on what the situation is and who is involved. If there is a person within the ranks that possess the qualities outlined above – a leader will emerge. 

Now, I won’t mince words with you or offer you fluff. The fact that you’re reading this means that you’re way too smart for that. I believe, based on the information available at the time of this publication that 99% of people will not emerge as authentic leaders. Forgive me if that sounds a bit pessimistic; I assure you I am not. The plain fact is that most people simply will not commit to this challenge either because of fear paralysis or complacency. Either way – they will remain sheep. What about you? 
  

The 2 Paradigms of Authentic Leadership

There are 2 paradigms of authentic leadership; independent and interdependent. It is in the mastery of these 2 paradigms lies complete authentic leadership. 

Your understanding of both of these is crucial if you want to develop and cultivate authentic leadership. 

Independent Leadership – Succeed with self

Independent leadership requires a commitment to personal growth, change and evolution. Stephen R. Covey, one of my favorite authors calls this “Private Victory.” 

Private victories are mainly focused on your personal growth and development. It is in this mode of leadership that you define who you are, what your values are and how you respond to the world around you. This is the development and cultivation of personal authentic leadership. 

There are 3 main elements that help you achieve excellence in your independent leadership. This is how you succeed with self.

1. Be proactive – you must accept 100% responsibility for your actions and responses to the people and circumstances around you. It doesn’t matter where you are from and how you were raised; you have the power to choose your path. This includes what you do and how you do it. Being proactive means that you march to the beat of your own drum. You do not react only when someone or something acts on you – that’s reactive. Rather, you take action to make things happen; you move and influence the people and circumstances around you – that’s proactive. 

2. Begin with the results you desire – plan your goals from the finish line backwards. When you understand and are clear on your mission, it is easier to mount the correct strategy to achieve your goal. Your success depends on how well you can express your objective.  Your intent and desire is your compass for developing the correct map to reach your destination successfully.

3. Prioritize appropriately – authentic leadership demands that you put first things first instead of last. It also demands that you don’t waste your energy on meaningless and trivial matters that add no value to anyone. You must learn to execute around priorities; make sure you place high value on the things that matter most to you. Do not take anything for granted because that which we take for granted we lose. Remember the important things and sometimes these are the little things and then endeavor to address them in order of importance. Give them the time and energy that they require; that they deserve. 

Interdependent Leadership – Succeed with others

Interdependent leadership requires a commitment to successfully connecting and collaborating with others. Stephen R. Covey calls this “Public Victory.” 

Public victories are mainly focused on working with and growing others. It is in this mode of leadership that you define how you will add value to others and also how you will cherish and nurture the gifts of others in valuing them. This is the development of authentic public leadership. 

There are 3 main elements that help you achieve excellence in your interdependent leadership. This is how you succeed with others.

1. Seek the third alternative – the third alternative says that you only accept win/win outcomes otherwise you walk away. The main point of the third alternative is to seek the best course of action in all your endeavors. The best course of action is one where all parties affected are happy with the results. If this is not feasible at any given time, then the best course of action is to walk away with clean hearts. This type of attitude sparks excellence in creativity and cooperation.

2. Listen first before you speak – authentic leaders are master listeners; they recognize that it is a gift and they give it often. It is better to first understand others before seeking to have them understand you. In order to succeed at understanding, you must genuinely want to do it. No matter how many books you read and from whom you take advice, you will not hear a thing others say unless you truly want to. True understanding requires that you listen actively with the intent to hear what the other person has to say.

3. Value Collaboration – 2 heads are truly better than one. J. Paul Getty said “I’d rather have 1% each of 100 men than 100% of one man.” This is because he understood the power of cooperation. He understood that it is through synergy that the pinnacle of excellence is achieved. Authentic leaders encourage and reward creativity; they praise those who speak up and they teach others to find their voice. You must place high value on collaboration in order to succeed in interdependent leadership.  

These 2 paradigms of authentic leadership make up the authentic leader; I know of none who do not understand these and strive to succeed at them daily. They consistently seek to learn and grow so that they can succeed in private as well as in public.

 

What’s Next?

First of all, you should know that nothing in this article is original except for my style of writing. It is all based on universal and unchanging principles – natural law. These have always worked and will continue to work indefinitely. 

If you truly want to be an authentic leader, reading this article is a great start. If you wish to continue your journey, here are several more things I suggest you do immediately.

1. Add this blog to your favorites
2. Share it with others
3. Subscribe to the P³G Newsletter
4. Subscribe to my RSS feed
5. Read the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
6. Get off your ass and take action 
    

Don’t get discouraged and never give up because we need you to lead us.

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How to Consistently Achieve the Results You Desire

Have you ever noticed how some people almost always achieve the results they desire? How about you – do you often have the same kind of experience in your endeavors? If you do, that is an awesome thing! 

Most people, unfortunately, do not consistently achieve the results they desire. I am not trying to damper your mood; however, this is the simple truth. If you were to take a quick assessment, I am sure you too would conclude the same. Perhaps you’ve even noticed that you are consistently achieving undesired results in your own life. 

The good news is that there is hope for the leaders among us – you too can absolutely experience the thrill of achieving your goals on a consistent basis. Most probably, and if you have half a brain, you are not consistently seeing the results you desire because you are focused on the wrong things. Your energy is spent on the wrong activities and therefore, the results you achieve are not what you want. 

Following are my best insights on how to consistently achieve the results you desire. These 5 keys have always worked for me and I have also seen it work tremendously for others. There is no doubt that you will experience a profound, positive and impacting shift in the results you begin to achieve once you master these disciplines.

 

Key #1 – Know the objective

In order to consistently achieve the results you desire, you must know what your objective is. What is it that you are trying to accomplish? So often I observe individuals who fly by the seat of their pants and hope that things turn out well. 

If you want to make sure that you don’t waste yours and other people’s time, make sure that you know what the mission is. Have a clear picture in your mind as to what the end result is supposed to be. With this in mind, it will certainly help you make better decisions on the tools, resources and people you need to get the job done. 

If you are sketchy on the objective then the results you achieve will ultimately be sketchy as well. There is no way around it; of course you may find that occasionally, you end up where you’re supposed to flying blind; however, that because other people were removing the roadblocks. The day someone doesn’t show up for duty, you’re toast. 

The point is, the clearer you are on the objective, the better the choices you will make and the more likely it will be that you will achieve the results you desire. There is no question that the difference in the results you achieve will be significant if you simply know the objective. 

 

Key #2 – Create an action plan

Once you are crystal clear on your objective, it’s time to create an action plan. Achieving the results you desire on a consistent basis requires that you plan your moves. Every action you take towards your goal must be deliberate. Individuals who are successful at achieving the best results plan every move they make; they leave nothing to chance.

If you want to be part of this group, you must do the same. Just imagine the frustration that might ensue if you try to get to a new destination without the proper map or GPS to guide you. How many times do you need to get lost before you ask for directions or look them up? 

Objectives require planning and plan you must if you want to be successful. Your action plan is your guide; it tells you what actions to take next and also where you are in proximity to your goal. Your action plan is also where you place your dates and deadlines for meeting your objectives.

Individuals who consistently achieve the results they desire have no illusions about what is going on or where they are in their action plan. They keep a bird’s eye view on the process at all times; again, nothing is left to chance. 

If you don’t create an action plan, then your moves become random and that can quickly become confusing. Often people end up going round and round in circles when their actions are randomized. Disorganization and chaos quickly set in and the objective is usually left behind in the dust. 

When you have a clear objective and an action plan to match, your decisions become easier and your moves are much more precise. Your thoughts are uncluttered and your mind is fixed on the desired result.

  

Key #3 – Develop a flexible strategy

Objective – check… action plan – check… now it’s time to strategize. 

Without a good strategy, even the best laid plans will fail. You must develop a flexible strategy that will take you to your objective in the quickest, most efficient and effective way possible. 

By flexible, I mean that your plan must be easily adaptable. You have to be prepared to change your strategy mid-stream if some other factors change in the process. A great strategy is one that is built with anticipation of the unexpected. 

If this sounds like too tall a feat for you, don’t worry – there is a sure way to ensure that your strategy is as flexible as it can be. 

Many people develop strategies based mainly on a short-term view; the steps and tactics used are ones that may get you to the objective but then if something changes mid-process, it’s hard to adapt. A short-term view is only based on the things you can see and the factors that are presented. They do nothing for anticipating changes or preparedness is dealing with other factors that arise down the road. 

The best way to develop a flexible strategy is to ensure that it is grounded in correct principles – aligned with natural law. The steps and tactics then become merely the byproducts of the strategy meaning that the underlying principles of your strategy never change; however, the steps and tactics easily can. With your strategy built on the backbone of principles, it makes your decisions regarding the steps you take and tactics you use easier.

What exactly do I mean by developing a strategy grounded in correct principles? I am glad you asked. 

Here’s the deal… 

If we look at the Law of Momentum which says that one courageous action taken over and over again only gets easier, bigger and better as time goes on – it can easily tell you where to spend your time. Your strategy may include many different steps and tactics; however, you may find that one or two in particular yield much greater results more efficiently and in a more effective manner. What do you do? Do you continue to give the working strategies the same amount of time and energy or do you increase them on these and reduce on others that do not work so well? 

You may be surprised to know how many people don’t even think this is important. It’s as if you are given a budget for a particular project with fixed monies allocated to different tasks and no matter how much more productive doing one of these tasks is, the money manager won’t move funds around to provide more support for the more productive option. That is crazy to me – BUT – that’s just me. 

The point is that when you develop a strategy based on correct principles, it becomes much easier to change the steps and tactics you take and use to achieve your objective. The result is what matters most – how you get there is an evolving animal. That is why your strategy needs to be grounded in correct principles so that the how is only compiled of right action and nothing adverse that will undoubtedly come back to haunt you.

 

Key #4 – Execute Efficiently

Efficient execution is often overlooked or underplayed when it comes to achieving objectives. This is because the term is often misunderstood or not used at all in any form. 

To execute efficiently, you must understand exactly what it will take to achieve the results you desire. Although these can change as the process evolves, it is important that you make it a point to understand the tools, resources and people you will need. If you understand these, you will know exactly what to do, when to do it and whom should do it. 

Part of efficient execution involves knowing your strengths and weaknesses. For the parts of the strategy where your strengths apply, spend most of your personal time in these areas. For the parts of the strategy where you are weaker, employ others, use resources – simply put – ask for help. 

As Stephen R. Covey puts it, “the true pinnacle of excellence does not lie in our independence but in our interdependence.” The better and more effectively we can work with others, the greater the results we will achieve. 

If you want to execute your strategy efficiently, make it a priority to know how and where the pieces fit. Know whom to delegate different tasks to and also when to employ different tools and resources. The better you are at this, the better your execution and the better the results you will yield.

 

Key #5 – Smash the status quo

If you want to be in the class of individuals that consistently achieve the results they desire, observe the masses and do the opposite. Individuals who fight to keep the status quo create nothing greater than themselves – that’s a fact. This doesn’t mean that the current process isn’t working – it just means that you are the type of person that is always looking for more creative and effective ways to do something. 

Seth Godin, one of my favorite authors, calls these types of individuals “heretics” – the leaders of tomorrow. 

Be a heretic; the status quo is there for the risk averse – the people who accept mediocrity. The status quo is also there for leaders like you to smash to bits with the next great idea. 

The reason this is important in consistently achieving the results you desire is because not all strategies work – not all plans come to fruition. Knowing that you can do things differently is what separates winners from losers. Just because something didn’t work doesn’t mean it can’t – it simply means you need to modify your plan and/or your strategy. 

There nothing worse than doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. That’s the Japanese definition of insanity – it’s also mine because I think that’s nuts. 

If you are not willing to learn from your mistakes and failings, change the things you need to and lead with creativity and passion, it will be very difficult for you to consistently achieve the results you desire. Don’t fool yourself into believing that failure is anything but and event from which you can learn and grow. If you are not going to change, you might as well stop trying right now. You’d only be wasting your time achieving nothing worthwhile; just the same old misery. 

Simply going with the flow and upholding the status quo is like living in a box; and if you live in a box, you think in a box. If these are the results you desire – no worries – you just wasted about 10 minutes of your mediocre life. If however you want to achieve great things, endeavor to learn, change and grow. You will undoubtedly achieve the results you desire much more consistently.

How to Achieve Your Goals – Plan, Prepare and Expect

Have you ever wondered… wished… dreamed... but get nowhere really fast? What’s stopping you? What is really standing between you and your goals; your dreams? 

If you really want to achieve your goals; cause your wonders, wishes and dreams to manifest, what is holding you back? 

Many people believe that people who consistently achieve their goals are often lucky and/or inherently ordained with some magical success juice… aka “pixie dust.” Some people even believe that you must be born of a certain stature and in a certain environment to guarantee success in life. It seems all too simple when I put it like this; however, if you think about it, you will realize that you’ve either thought this way or know people who have (and do). 

The truth is that there is no magic juice (pixie dust) and there is no genetic make up that dictates one person’s success versus another. Would it surprise you to discover that your success rests entirely in your hands? No matter what has happened in your past or what you might be facing at this very moment, your future is completely up to you and what you make of it. 

The great Zig Ziglar put it this way and I often ask my audience before I begin a talk or workshop. 

If you can answer yes to these 4 questions…

1. Is there something specific that you can do today that can absolutely make your personal and professional life worse?

2. Is there something specific that you can do today that can absolutely make your personal and professional life better?

3. Do you believe that it is a choice? 

4. Do you believe that every choice has an end result? 

…here’s what you’ve basically said whether you realize it or not. 

I don’t care what has happened in my past; I don’t even care what is going on in my life right now. I know that there is something specific I can do today that will make my life better or worse and the choice is mine. 

Now that is a beautiful feeling – wouldn’t you say. 

In my experience, one of the major roadblocks in achieving goals has always been the lack of a good roadmap. I have mentored and coached so many individuals who simply could not begin to realize their true gifts and talents simply because they had no blueprint to guide them. The vicious cycle of frustration will always continue until you find the b-line that leads out of the disorganization and chaos. 

Don’t underestimate the impact of disorganization and chaos; simply having disorganized and chaotic thoughts can send you down a circuitous path to nowhere very quickly. 

The only difference between you and truly successful people is that they understand the significance of 3 key elements when it comes to achieving goals. They recognize the importance of Planning, Preparation and Expectation. 

In order to consistently achieve the results you desire, you must endeavor to Plan, Prepare and Expect them to happen. Truly successful people are not lucky; rather, they create their own luck! 

I have heard people say that prayer resolves all things but the real truth is that prayer without action produces exactly what you had before you prayed – NOTHING! Any kind of thought without deliberate action moves nothing in your favor. It all sounds great; however, if you don’t act, manifestation cannot occur. 

Understanding the 3 key elements in achieving your goals and how they apply will undoubtedly help you to consistently garner the results you desire.

  

Plan

Without a plan, you will not know how to move, when to move or what to move towards. Even in broad daylight you would be no more apt than a bat if you have no map to guide you. If you truly want to achieve at the highest level, take the time to formulate a plan that is aligned with your goals. 

If you know who you are and where you want to go, your next step has to be planning exactly how you will get there. 

Have you ever heard “busy people” say I’ve got places to go and people to see? The difference between these people and truly successful people is that successful people also have places to go and people to see; however, successful people know exactly why they are going to see these people and why they are going to places they are going. There is nothing surprising or accidental about their actions – they are deliberate. 

In order to remove frustration and chaos from your path, you must have a plan in place to guide you. Your plan is your roadmap – it tells you exactly where you are in your journey so that you know exactly what you must do next in order to achieve your goals. 

Truly successful people don’t just plan for today or tomorrow, they put a plan together for the long term. Eventually, their plan evolves to include the next generation and perhaps a few down the road. In fact, I don’t know any truly successful people that aren’t always planning. Planning is the cornerstone of results; if you don’t plan for the results you desire, how can you achieve them? Certainly you may do it by default once or twice; however, without a real blueprint in place, your lucky days are numbered. 

Simply put, if you fail to plan, plan to fail.   

Prepare

If you do not prepare, your plan will count for naught. Planning alone is not enough because you can plan forever and if you never make a move; your plan becomes a theory. 

In order to bring your plan to life, you must prepare and be prepared. Whatever your plan dictates, you must not only be prepared to take the actions but also to deal with the consequences of those actions. In fact, to the degree that you are prepared, your plan will succeed. 

Only through preparation can you realize the full potential of your plan. This is not as easy as it may sound so I’m going to share a few examples with you. 

A man says he intends to run the New York City Marathon in the next 8 months. Although he is not a trained long-distanced runner, he has challenged himself to finish in record time. He puts a plan together that outlines the resources he needs and actions he needs to take in order to prepare for the marathon. 

Let’s say that he finds a sponsor, starts an appropriate diet, buys all the neat gear but he does no training whatsoever; what do you suppose will happen when it’s time to run? 

Do you think he will be prepared? 

Of course not! He did everything – except – the most important thing – he didn’t train for the race. If he didn’t train and he is not a runner, his body will not be able to withstand the physical ardor of the marathon. The record, I can assure you, will elude him. 

In another scenario, let’s say a career woman intends to find the man of her dreams. She looks deep within herself in search of the qualities that she desires in a mate. Focused, driven, ambitious, loving, devoted, honest and romantic are just some of the characteristics that come to mind. 

Now suppose she continues to devote most of her time to her career, dates multiple men every once in a while and fills her network with mostly on-the-job colleagues; what do you suppose are her chances of landing the mate she desires. That’s right, almost nil. Sure, some women may eventually land that special someone under these conditions but at what cost? 

The fact is, at this rate, she would not be prepared to find let alone receive such a mate. Simply saying you want a mate without making room in your life and preparing to receive one is just not enough. It won’t happen. 

Preparation requires that you make the necessary changes and take the necessary actions in order to execute your plan. If you want to improve upon your personal growth but yet have no desire to change, there is simply no point. You cannot grow personally unless you change something you are currently doing. In order to do that, you must first plan and then prepare by making choices and taking actions to that end.

 

Expect

If you don’t expect it to happen, it won’t. Unless you are expecting the results you desire to manifest in your life, they absolutely will not – at least not at the level you want them to. 

The truth is that you reap more than you sow and that goes both ways. 

If you have any doubt about the results you expect, you will half-ass your plan which will cause you to take half-assed actions which will consequently produce half-assed results. Once you have a plan in place and you prepare by making choices and taking action, you must expect to get exactly what you planned and prepared for. It is natural law that the universe returns to you in abundance and more than what you put out. 

If your plan is sound, your choices are clear and your actions are deliberate, I guarantee you will produce a result of equal or greater value.  

Look, if I write a check knowing I don’t have the cash in the bank to cover it, I expect it to bounce – plain and simple. The same holds true for the other way around. If you stick to your plan and consistently follow through in the preparation, your goals will manifest as long as you expect them to. 

This doesn’t mean that things always go as planned – that would be naïve thinking. I am simply saying that you cannot expect a particular result if you have not planned or prepared for it. Expectation follows planning and preparedness. 

If you do not have a roadmap, your thoughts are in disarray and your moves are disorganized then you should realistically expect the results you achieve to resemble that picture. 

Do not be unrealistic with your expectations; just because you expect something doesn’t mean it will manifest. If you have not put in the appropriate time to plan and prepare accordingly, don’t expect much. If your expectations are not in line with your actions, prepare to be disappointed. 

When you do not plan and prepare yet you expect great things to happen, that’s called imposing on others. If you expect others to deliver what you want without any work on your part, your expectations will be unrealistic.

 

Growth by Design

There is nothing accidental about what happens to truly successful people who achieve at a high level. It is a deliberate result of a sound plan, thorough preparation and realistic expectation. 

If you are creating and delivering value in any way, you can realistically expect a correlating or exceeding reward. This is natural law – this principle does not change. 

Achieving your goals requires a specific design of a plan in order to take the first step. The results you desire in your personal growth and your life will not show up in a Cracker Jack box; you have to plan and prepare for them. Only then can you realistically expect them to manifest. 

Successful growth occurs through design and if you want to guide and control what happens as you grow, I strongly suggest you begin designing your action plan right now. If you don’t, I can guarantee you that the results you desire will become fantasy and never see the light of day. 

Successful people are not special simply because they are successful; they are special because of the road they walked to get there. They put in the work; they plan; they prepare and they expect – CONSTANTLY!

 

How to Set Goals

I use to truck through the year trying to achieve New Year’s resolutions that I had set since the last Christmas holiday. It seemed like a good way to go about achieving my goals at the time, especially since most other people I knew were also doing the same thing. 

For the most part, I would fail to stick to or achieve about 99% of the resolutions I had set. This obviously used to frustrate me to no end because I just couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong. It took a while for me to reach the other side of this major pain and on to more tranquil pastures; however, once I discovered the problem, things immediately changed. 

Through my fervent pursuit of personal growth and development, I was introduced to an awesome book by one of my favorite authors and speakers, Stephen R. Covey. It’s called The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, which I highly recommend. This book absolutely changed the way I viewed many things – and one thing in particular – Goal Setting. 

What I learned from Stephen Covey about setting goals is that if you neither know why you’re doing something, how you plan to do it nor by when you plan to have it done – it simply won’t happen. This, as it turned out, was my very problem. I was not used to defining the why or the roadmap of achieving my goals. 

It is like this article you are reading right now – I have a specific goal in mind for it and I know exactly how I plan to do it. That being said, the goal of this article is to help you understand the importance of setting goals as well as a guide on how to set them so that you are successful in your endeavors.

 

Why it’s important to set goals

Setting goals is important because it keeps your eye on the ball – keeps you focused. It helps you to discern what is and isn’t important to you much more easily. This is how you make good decisions about how and where to target your energy. 

When you set goals, it gives you a much keener sense of clarity and direction. Goal setting is crucial to helping you define your purpose – your mission and how you plan to achieve the results you desire. 

People who do not set goals are easily prone to disorganization, unfocused and confusing thoughts and actions. It can lead you in a vicious circle of frustration if you have not laid out a plan for the results you want to achieve. Without goals, you can easily become overwhelmed which leads to aggravation and disappointment. Not setting goals is like setting yourself up for failure. 

If you want to consistently achieve the results you desire and fulfill your goals and dreams, make goal setting a consistent part of your life. Give it the time and energy it deserves. I guarantee that you will see significant and profound positive changes in the results you achieve. You will also be a lot less frustrated because of it. 
 

All true goals have a specific why

True goals all have a specific reason for setting them. The “why” of a goal is the fuel that drives the thoughts and actions in achieving it. It must be personal and important to you in order to maximize the results. 

The “why” of a goal must also be as specific as possible; even if there is more than one reason – be specific. The more specific you are, the more acutely you can focus which will in turn yield much better results. 

There are 2 questions you must ask yourself in order to get to the true “why” of a goal.

1. What is the goal? – First you must clearly define what it is you are trying to accomplish and be as specific as possible. A good rule of thumb to apply is the shorter the term of the goal, the more specific you want to be. In other words, long-term goals (12 months+) can be in broader strokes and short-term goals (less than 6 months) needs more narrow strokes.

 

2. Why is this goal important to you? – Secondly, you must decide why this goal is important to you. Again, you must be specific. By specific, I mean, make sure you know what change in your life will happen if you achieve this goal; how your life will be positively impacted. Of equal importance; make sure you know what negative changes will happen in your life if you don’t achieve this goal – again, this will keep you focused.

  

Take full responsibility for how you achieve your goals

Once you’ve set your goals and you know why you’ve set them, it is up to you to figure out how to achieve them. How you achieve your goals rests with you and not others. Often, people set goals and then blame others when things don’t turn out the way they would like them to. 

No matter what you think – if you do not achieve your goals – it is because of you. There is a reason you set your own goals; they are important to you. In that vein, you should also accept full responsibility for achieving them. This does not mean that other people can’t help you – in fact, I encourage and implore you to seek the help of others. The point is that whatever happens, the choices you make will determine the results you ultimately achieve. 

There are 2 questions you must ask yourself in order to decipher the best “how” of achieving your goals.

1. Do I have everything I need to achieve my goal? – This means that you have to examine the people, tools and resources you have available to you and decide whether or not they are enough to help you reach your goal. Take nothing for granted and leave no stone unturned in this process. The good news is that this part of the process can easily evolve and you can add and delete as necessary. If the answer to this question is “NO” or your resources become inadequate, then you will need to address question 2.

 

2. What additional people, tools and resources do I need to help me achieve my goal? – Again, take nothing for granted in this process. You want to make certain that you are connecting with the right people, have all the right tools and access to the right resources that will help you achieve the results you desire.

 

It’s not real unless it’s dated

When was the last time you got something important done accurately and in a timely manner that you didn’t date? You know what I mean – I’m going to clean out the garage or I’ll fix the leaky pipe and the list goes on and on.  The important question to ask is – WHEN? 

Your goal isn’t real until you know when you plan to achieve it. You have to put a date on all your goals. It gives you more focus and also a sense of urgency. Most importantly, it places high value on your time and efforts. Psychologically, dating your goals helps you keep the end in mind which will fuel your drive to excel. 

Declaring that you are going to start your own business without a date of when you plan to do it doesn’t do much to motivate you or anyone else for that matter. Without a time frame on the ultimate prize, you’re just puffing hot air which makes you nothing but a wandering, wishing windbag. 

If you wish for something without a plan to act on it, plan to spend a lot of your pennies at the wishing well. Unless you plan to act, nothing will happen – the genie does not come out when you rub the lamp to grant you 3 wishes. 

The reason I’m driving so hard at this point is because it is vital that you understand the importance of putting dates on your goals. Dating will drive you to excel and fuel your motivation to keep marching on day after day through thick and thin. Additionally, a date will help you better define the actual steps you need to take and when you need to take them. 

Make sure that you decide WHEN you will achieve the goals you set.

 

A caveat about commitment

All of the above will undoubtedly help you to set and achieve your goals in a much more effective manner. In that vein, make sure your level of commitment matches the importance of your goals. It is easy to forget why we are doing something when we get caught up in the world wind of life. 

Here’s a tip I learned very painfully many years ago – WRITE IT DOWN! You will be amazed at how much your level of commitment increases when you write down your goals – put it on paper and review it often. I usually go over my short-term goals once a week and the long-term ones at least once a month. 

Things can change so quickly that in order for you to stay on top of what you want to achieve, you need to look at it frequently. Somehow, seeing your goals in writing does a great deal to galvanize your resolve and determination. It serves as a refueling mechanism especially since we can be so easily distracted by life. 

If you want to do yourself a great service and stay focused, write down your goals and the outline of how and when you plan to achieve them. I guarantee that this will make a huge difference in the results you achieve if you review them often enough. Find an interval of review that suits you or simply do it when you need a boost in your spirit. 

Forget about making empty promises to yourself and coming up with meaningless resolutions. Do something worthwhile and make a real difference in your life – set goals and then take action to achieve them. No one else is going to do it for you.  

 

The Ultimate Power

“Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely.”  Sir John Dalberg-Acton 

At the time that Sir John Dalberg-Acton made this statement, it was in response to Pope Pius IX’s promulgation that the pope is in fact infallible – the year was 1870. 

Fast forward to 2009, I wondered if this quote still held water or if it ever held water at all. As I pondered it, I realized that although in many cases, Sir John Dalberg-Acton’s words may be undoubtedly true; it is also certain that in many cases it is not. 

People who understand true power know that it comes with a great responsibility in wielding that power. They also know that if you should turn a blind eye to that responsibility while you wield such power, it will eventually destroy you. This is not a scare tactic – promise. 
  

The truth is that, if you understand true power and you accept the great responsibility that comes with it, you were meant to have it and to wield it because you will do so in service to others. This is to say that power only corrupts irresponsible men and women and in so doing true power is eroded and is therefore no longer power in its most pristine form. True power requires both understanding and accountability in order to reach its full potential otherwise it becomes something else- tyranny perhaps or subjugation or worse.

 

Where Does the Ultimate Power Come From?

The Ultimate Power is natural and therefore innate to all human beings. We are all endowed with the capacity to develop and exercise the ultimate power. From the moment you are born, you have the opportunity to cultivate your ultimate power and watch it grow to its full potential. 

This is true no matter who you are, where you come from and what you know. YOU are endowed with the capacity to bring forth the ultimate power. The ultimate power cannot be given to or taken from you, you simply have to acknowledge its existence, understand it, accept the responsibility that comes with it and then endeavor to develop and wield it. 

It may sound oversimplified to you but don’t dismiss it too quickly just because it might sound a bit around the bend. I have personally experienced the shift when I have acknowledged, understood, accepted the responsibility and then endeavored to develop and wield it. It is one of the most incredible and fulfilling experiences of my life which I continue to enjoy. I exercise the ultimate power on a daily basis and it has proven to be integral to some of the most significant and profoundly positive changes in my life. I have seen what it can do when others have done the same. 

In essence, the ultimate power comes from being and so whether you want it or not, you have it. It’s up to you to let it lie dormant inside you or choose to bring it forth. 

 

What is the Ultimate Power?

The Ultimate Power is Choice. It is the ability to choose your response to all stimuli and to exercise free will. In fact, the ultimate power is required to develop and wield the ultimate power because like I said just a few sentences ago, you can either choose to let it lay dormant inside you or to bring it forth. This is a choice and this is the ultimate power. 

You are born with the capacity to choose, to exercise free will – this is the ultimate power. Surely, while you are a developing baby, you do not yet understand the power of choice but as you grow and become more self-aware, it becomes clearer and clearer. You begin to choose the types of food you like, the types of toys you like to play with, the television programs you like to watch, how you like to dress and the list goes on and on as you get older. 

The power of choice is natural and therefore innate to all human beings. It cannot be given or taken from you – it is yours from the moment you are born. Your parents, your family, your friends, your teachers and your environment may all influence how you make your choices but at the end of the day, the power of your choices remain yours and yours alone. 

That’s why even when you have had such tremendous influences in your life and you have been given a particular program growing up, you are still able to rewrite the program if at some point in your life the old program no longer works for you. You are the programmer – you can rewrite the program – you can exercise the ultimate power of choice to change the things you want to change in your life. 

There is no such position that you could be in where you have no choice. I think that it is absolutely outrageous for anyone to tell or insinuate to another that he or she has no choice. Of course you do – YOU always do. 

When people say your choices are either this or that, they are dead wrong. What about walking away – that’s a choice too, is it not? Sure, in a life and death situation you may be faced with only harsh or ugly choices where no matter what you choose, the situation won’t end well. These are extreme cases and even then, you still have choices albeit harsh and ugly ones BUT you still have them. 

Let’s go a step or two further with the ultimate power of choice. What about the way we relate to people and circumstances? Why do you allow people and circumstances to rob you of your ultimate power? 

The ability to choose your response in any given situation means that you are responsible for your actions – what you say, do, and your body language. If you react to people and circumstances, you effectively give them your ultimate power of choice. That’s why people are quick to say the devil made me do it; I could’ve made it if it wasn’t for the traffic; If she would just be a little nicer to me, I’d be able to get my work done. Lame…LAME…LAME! 

You are in control of your choices; you have the ultimate power to choose. If you take a proactive stance, then you can exercise your ability to choose your response; you can exercise free will regardless of what people say and/or do and regardless of circumstances. 

When you exercise the ultimate power you are saying that you are proactive and proactive people are not driven by what happens to them but by the things that they make happen. When you choose your responses neither people nor circumstances can take your ultimate power of choice. Your choices are based on principles and your value system which is made up of what matters most to you. When your values are grounded in correct principles, you will be able to understand power and accept the responsibility that comes with it. This is the ultimate power. 

Do you see how powerful this is? Just try it in one situation in your life in which you’d like to have a different outcome. I guarantee you that you will see immediate and positive changes. 

Many people get caught up in the reactor of life and they consistently respond only when acted upon. They allow emotion to guide their responses as opposed to standing on their principles and living their values. When your direction comes from within and your choices are based on your values, you can deliberately choose your response in any given situation. The power is yours and you can develop it and exercise it at any time.

 

The Ultimate Power Is Absolute

Yes, it is! The ultimate power is absolute for everyone. We all possess the ultimate power and it is absolute because it can neither be given to nor taken away from you. It is as absolute as the right to life liberty and the pursuit of happiness. In fact, aside from life (simply because I can’t prove yet that it’s governed by choice), these rights are governed by the power of choice. Whether these were written in the Bill of Rights or not – these rights are still yours and the choice to pursue them is still yours. 

Think of it this way – there are many situations and positions in which you may have some kind of power. People may even revere or fear your power; if you are using it wisely and responsibly, people may even admire you for that. 

Here’s the thing though – power like this can be given or taken away. You may have to wrestle to do that in some cases BUT, it can definitely be given to and taken away from you. Surely, you may have done things to earn your position of power and yes you may even deserve to be in that position; again though, I have to stress it can be given and taken away. 

In the US, the president is probably by and large considered the man with the most power and even he can be booted from his position by the people. He was put there by the people and he can certainly be removed by the people. This example is a tad oversimplified but I’m sure you get the gist. 

Clearly, no powers that can be given or taken away are the ultimate power – NO. The Ultimate Power is absolute because it is present the moment you are born. Yes, it takes time to develop and to realize that you do in fact have the capacity to wield it but nonetheless it is always there – CHIOCE. No one can ever give or take away your choices. In fact, I think it’s an audacious position to take when someone asserts that he is giving you a choice in a particular situation – this or that. This is utterly ridiculous! 

You are always free to choose… no one has to give you the choice. When someone says I am giving you a choice, what he/she is really saying is, these are the only options I want you to consider. That’s all well and good but what if you have something entirely different in mind? Aren’t you free to assert that as a choice? Aren’t you free to follow your choice and forego the ones given (I mean offered)?

Absolutely, positively and unequivocally YES! You have the ultimate power to choose what you want to do even if the choice was not included in the pot. You can simply choose to go your own way. I admit, sometimes all the choices you may be faced with are ugly and you simply try to choose the least evil among them. The fact still remains that choice is absolute – and it’s completely up to you. 

Choice is the ultimate power and it is absolute because no one can give or take it away from you. So go, start right now – exercise your ultimate power and watch your world change right before your eyes. This is a truly remarkable experience.

Acceptance, Appreciation & Approval – Powerful Principles in Self-awareness

Have you ever heard of or read about these 3 A’s? It has been said that they are absolutely imperative to human success. Many experts believe that we all seek these in everything we do; that they drive our behavior. I happen to agree. 

The trouble with Acceptance, Appreciation & Approval arises because most people don’t understand the correct way these apply to their lives. Most people do not understand that these 3 A’s are about self-awareness and personal growth. This is the reason why most of us continue to look outward to solve our problems instead of where we should be looking – inward. 

I once moderated a panel discussion addressing ways to move up in a down economy and each of the panelists in one way or another kept saying “know thy self.” It seemed to be a crucial piece to moving forward – knowing who you are, what you want and where you want to go. This is all about self-awareness. 

The point is that only through self-awareness will others come to know the true and authentic you. Only through raising your self-awareness can your success reach its true potential. Only through raising your self-awareness can you improve in your personal growth. These statements are true because the more aware you are of who you are, what you want and where you want to go, the better you can plan, prepare and expect to achieve the results you desire. 

What you know, you can act on – what you don’t know acts on you. 

Let’s take a look at how Acceptance, Appreciation and Approval apply to the powerful principles of self-awareness.

 

Acceptance

To accept is to recognize, understand and believe in something or someone. In seeking acceptance of self, you must understand first that it has nothing to do with the outside world and everything to do with you. You must truly accept who you are, what you want and where you want to go. You have to own it. 

In order to experience the joy and power of true acceptance, it must come from within. Most people look to the outside for acceptance; by their parents, by their peers, by their teachers, by their colleagues, etc. The truth is that no amount of outer acceptance can ever replace or even come close to inner acceptance. 

Outer acceptance is based on the persona you project and not the real you – not the authentic you. Once you seek acceptance from the outside, your behavior changes to please those from whom you seek it. It doesn’t matter whether your behavior is aligned with your core values or beliefs; you simply perform for your audience which does not include you. 

This is why no matter how many people accept you; it will always create pressure for you to keep up if you don’t accept you. It means that you are not acting and behaving naturally but instead projecting a false persona – a fake you. At this level, acceptance can never be true and authentic because you are not true and authentic. The moment you change, they will no longer accept you and you will feel dejected and worthless. 

True self-acceptance is about you recognizing, understanding and believing in you. When you do this, others will follow suit; for those that do not accept you, their opinion won’t matter. The truth is that people’s opinion of you is none of your business. 

If you are living the life you want to live by the values you wish to live, that is all that counts. Accept who you are and learn to live with the consequences. The good news is that you can change of your own volition. If there is something going on with you that you don’t like, it is your choice to change it. 

Until you accept the true and authentic you, it will be hard for you to change, hard for you to improve and near impossible for you to achieve the results you desire. If you can raise your awareness about who you are, what you want and where you want to go, the path before you becomes illuminated with possibilities beyond your imagination. Self-awareness is vital because the more you know about yourself, the easier it is for you to create the correct plans and take right actions.

 

Appreciation

To appreciate is to receive, acknowledge and show gratitude for something or someone.

Appreciation follows acceptance because only through self-acceptance can you truly appreciate who you are. 

The same doctrine holds true in that unless you truly appreciate you, others will not. Certainly, others may appreciate the persona you project and the things you do while under that guise; however, it won’t be long before the shell crumbles and the true you is revealed. Once that happens, you will be seen as a fraud. 

Once again, seeking appreciation from the outside only perpetuates false self – it does not allow the true and authentic you to come to light. It is a great feeling for others to appreciate you and what you do; however, it is far more powerful if you appreciate yourself because the fulfillment and the return will be greater. 

If you do things simply to appease others or to show good face regardless of where they fit in your values, your heart will not be clean. You will simply be playing a tit for tat game of the need to be liked. True and authentic appreciation of yourself and what you do means that you are ok even when you must do things that others do not like. As long as your actions are in line with your values and beliefs and you are taking right action – your integrity will be in tact and far more appreciated. 

Once you discover true self-acceptance, you can truly appreciate your gifts and talents. It doesn’t mean that you win at everything – it just means that your level of self-appreciation is high. I didn’t say arrogance – I said self-appreciation which means that you receive your gifts; you acknowledge them and show gratitude for them every day. You do not abuse, squander nor corrode them in the pursuit of public affection and popularity. 

True appreciation must come from within in order to reach your full potential. For only then can the real you flourish. If the appreciation of you comes from the outside world, then your actions will reflect the values of the outside world in an effort to increase their appreciation. It won’t matter what your values and beliefs are – only theirs since their appreciation is the driver of your behavior. 

You must learn to appreciate yourself first so that you know the values and beliefs you want to personify and have others appreciate about you. You either steer your own ship or others will – it’s that simple.

 

Approval

To approve is to endorse, support and commend someone or something. Approval follows acceptance and appreciation because only through self-acceptance and self-appreciation can you truly approve of who you are and what you do. 

Again, the same doctrine holds true; if you seek for others to approve you, your behavior will conform until they do. You will transform yourself into someone other than the true and authentic you as long as you receive approval from whom you seek. 

Approval is hard because many of us are in situations where we don’t technically get to approve our actions before we take them. The fact is though that this is your choice. It doesn’t matter if you are at work where your boss calls the shots. If you are asked to do something that you don’t personally approve of – you don’t have to be there – and you can refuse. I’m not naïve – I know you may need your job. My point is that you do have a choice that only you can make. 

For me, I know that I don’t like doing anything that is not aligned with my values and beliefs. I cannot approve of doing something that I believe is wrong. Have I ever? Sure – BUT – I made the necessary changes as quickly as possible so that I wouldn’t have to repeat it. Also, it depends entirely on what action I have to take. If the action damages or hinders others in their growth and/or livelihood, the decision for me is clear – I don’t do it. 

The truth is that you only need your approval for who you are and what you do. Your inner compass should guide your actions. Whether others approve of you and what you do or not are irrelevant if you can’t look at yourself in the mirror and say “I love you.” 

Self-approval is much more powerful than public approval because if you don’t approve of you, you cannot act on your true desires. You will continue to be a puppet in the puppet masters game – the public. When others dictate your behavior, the benefits you receive will be for them and not you. The seeds you sow will reap their crops at the harvest while you starve.  

Endorse, support and commend who you are, what you want and where you want to go and your actions will reflect your true and authentic self. The only approval that matters is yours.

 

Powerful Principles in Self-awareness

These are powerful principles in self-awareness. Acceptance, Appreciation and Approval are very important to your personal growth and success but only if you truly understand how they apply to your life. When these are inwardly achieved, the results are vastly better than when you seek them outwardly. There is no problem that you have that can be solved by looking outside; it all starts with you and what you do. It doesn’t mean that external stimuli don’t exist; it simply means that they do not dictate who you are or what you do or how you behave – you do. 

To the degree that you become self-aware, your success will reflect the same. The results you achieve in your life are based on what you believe about yourself and the choices you make because of it. 

Killer Series: 7 Keys to Killer Communication Skills

No matter whom you are or what you do, if you do not learn how to communicate effectively, the quality of your life will suffer. This is a fact! 

I say that because through my training and experience over the years, I have discovered that the quality of my communication ultimately determines the quality of my life. The more effective you are at getting your message across to others, the better the results you will yield. The clarity and quality of your written, verbal and visual communication will always have a tremendous impact on your ability to achieve the results you desire. 

It is extremely important that you grasp this concept sooner rather than later so that you can begin putting the correct communication principles into practice. If you find that you are constantly having to answer the same questions or repeatedly clarifying your position – there is clearly an issue with your communication. Understanding the elements of effective communication and applying them religiously will undoubtedly increase your ability to consistently achieve your goals. 

Now that I have raised your awareness to this crucial element of your personal growth – here’s the good news. It’s not rocket science by any stretch; you have the ability to discover, learn and apply the principles of killer communication skills that will ultimately help you to consistently achieve the results YOU desire. 

Following are my best insights on becoming a killer communicator; these are the 7 Keys to Killer Communication Skills.

 

Key #1: It’s not about you

All killer communicators understand that the most important person in any line of communication is the person receiving the message. This means that you must relay your message in a manner that is easy to understand by the receiving parties. 

Your focus when you are the messenger has to be on the needs of your audience; what’s in it for them. This is a good way to ensure that what is heard is received as you intended. Too often, we forget that communication is about others thereby putting way too much emphasis on ourselves and our needs. What usually happens in cases such as those is we lose the audience and the intended message gets skewed.

Whenever you are ready to put a message together, think first about the receiving party; imagine you are in his/her shoes and compose your message so that it relates to him/her on a familiar level. 

If you are communicating with someone for the first time, the best thing you can do is ask questions that help you discover the best communication style/method for this person. Not everyone receives information in the same way or at the same speed – different strokes for different folks.

Additionally, be sure to remove your ego from the equation when you communicate with others – it’s not about you. Unless you grasp this simple concept, your ego will continue to get the best of you and your communications will often go awry. You cannot develop killer communication skills unless you put others first. 

 

Key #2: Be transparent

This is a crucial element in developing your communication skills. You have to be upfront about your objectives and expectations. Are you simply disseminating information or are you asking for something? You must be clear about the results you want and your motives. 

Killer communicators know that it is imperative that goals are clear to all parties in the line of communication. Each link in the chain must be crystal clear on what is expected of it otherwise, your ends will not be met. Transparent communication demands that there are no hidden agendas. If there are things that will come to light later that your audience does not need to know at the time of your communication – by all means say so. 

Some scholars may disagree with me on this point; however, in my experience I have never known transparency to hamper or erode by communications with others. I have also not known it to impede or damage the desired results. In fact, I have always found that the desired result is achieved with more efficacy and speed. 

People commit more quickly and are more accountable when they know the deal upfront. People value honesty and so should you when you communicate. If there are things that you are not at liberty to say – be sure to let your audience know that. The most important thing for them is that they know you value and respect them. Transparency earns you the right to speak to your audience and have them reciprocate with action. 

You have no idea how powerful this practice can be until you’ve tried it – you will see immediate and positive results.

 

Key #3: Listen actively

Active listening requires first that you genuinely want to hear what the receiving party has to say. When you communicate with others it is vital that you understand that they have understood your message and what actions to take next. This means that you have to ask for clarification and then listen – truly listen – to the response. 

All killer communicators are active listeners. They acknowledge others’ concerns and take the necessary steps to overcome any objections. When you listen actively, you are not only listening to what is being said but also to what is not. This is why it is important that your heart and mind are open to hearing the message coming back at you. 

The goal of active listening is to clear up misunderstandings and clarify action steps and expectations. This is an element you do not want to skip when you communicate because if there are any misunderstandings, they will undoubtedly surface in the results you achieve. The same is true for confusion about what to do next and expectations; if your audience is not clear on this, how will they make the right decisions – take the appropriate actions? 

Active listening requires you to do 3 things:

1. Deliver your message and then ask your audience if it makes sense – if they are clear
2. Listen to the response you get – listen with an open heart and mind – be genuine
3. Respond by overcoming any objections and/or clarifying next steps and expectations – then go back to #1 and repeat until you are all on the same page 

Chances are very good that if you follow this process, you won’t have to repeat it often before clarity is achieved.

 

Key #4: Say what you mean

Say what you mean to say – don’t dance. When you beat around the bush, you leave way too much room for error and confusion. Killer communicators don’t dance unless they are at a party. 

Don’t be afraid to say exactly what you mean. You don’t have to be a jerk about it when what you mean to say might be deemed as ugly; however, as sensitively as you can, you still need to spell it out. Don’t mince words with your audience if you want to be a killer communicator. 

Surely, there is a certain amount of finesse that comes with delivering ugly messages without making them sound so ugly but that will have to be another article. For now, stick to what’s true for you and learn to live with the consequences. It is always better to lay it on the table as it is or as you see it than to make stuff up. When you manufacture words and add fluff, the real message is stifled which means your results will suffer the same fate. 

Your best course is to simply say what you mean to say. If need be, just ask your audience for permission to be brutally honest. This way it shows that you care about and value them. It seems like an easy thing; however, in my experience this is one of the hardest things for many people to do. Yes, it is a simple concept to grasp – just a hard discipline to master. Once you are able to do it though, your communication skills will improve drastically. 

 

Key #5: Be responsible

One of the worse things you can do as a communicator is to be irresponsible for what you say. Killer communicators live by the code “the buck stops here.” You must be responsible for your words – don’t pass the buck to the other guy. 

One of my mentors and friend, Chris, taught me this motto “communication is the response you get.” Simply put, it is your responsibility as a killer communicator to make sure that your audience receives your message in a clear and succinct manner. You are responsible for the message you deliver and also whether or not it is understood. 

If for whatever reason the results are not what you expect, the responsibility of those results is yours. You do not pass the buck to the person who misunderstood or whom was confused about next steps and expectations. If you had done your job of communicating effectively, the results would have been different – more to your liking. If they are not, you obviously missed a step and you need to go back and fix it. 

I know what some of you are thinking – how can I control what someone else does? Obviously you can’t but that’s not the point. The point is that if you want to be a killer communicator, learn to accept the fact that the buck must stop with you. If for some reason you are unable to reach someone in your communication or the person refuses to be open to your message then you have the right to decide to stop communicating with this person. 

Furthermore, you can always reduce your expectations of others without lowering your standards. You do not blame others for miscommunication when you delivered the message no matter what. You always look at you and then decide how best to proceed. 

Is it still a bit much to swallow? Let me put it another way. 

If you were training a dog to guard your home and each time you gave the attack command, the dog simply rolled over and went to sleep. How long would you continue to train that dog before you got rid of him? Sure you could sit around all day blaming the dog for being a no good mutt but you still wouldn’t have a guard dog. 

Are you getting the picture? Good – let’s move on.

 

Key #6: Value accountability

All killer communicators understand that effective communication requires accountability from those receiving your message. As long as you are practicing all the keys, there is no reason you should not expect audience accountability. This is of high value when it comes to improving your communication skills. 

Whether your audience has to take action or not, their accountability lies in the expectations that you have agreed upon between communicator and audience. If your job as the communicator is to be responsible for holding your audience accountable then it is their job to be accountable and to expect you to hold them to it. 

Of course you cannot force anyone to be accountable – your goal is simply to be able to call people out when they are not. Notice that I didn’t say embarrass – agreements allow you to remind others (gently) of what you agreed to. This is how you decide where to focus your energies so that you neither waste other peoples’ time nor yours. One reason why so many people spin their wheels when communicating is that they continue to communicate with the same (wrong) people and expect to achieve a different result. This is insanity and it drives people nuts. 

If you are communicating (presenting) to a large group – 20 or more – I have found it easiest to just ask for accountability. Based on the nature of the presentation and the way you set it up in your introduction, you can simply ask them if they are willing to play. Once they’ve agreed, you will have no trouble reminding them of the rules of the game and garnering compliance. 

Value accountability and have the courage to hold people to it once they’ve agreed. Effective communication requires – demands – accountability from the receiving party and all killer communicators know it.

 

Key #7: Know when to shut up

There are so many clichés that I can use here to drive this point home. I have heard before “Why do you think that God gave you two ears and one mouth?” I have also heard “Sometimes it is better to be thought of as a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”    

Both of these really sum up the point of not only why it is important to listen but also when to be silent. I still struggle with the latter of these practices. Knowing when to shut up is vital to improving your communication skills. Often times because of assumptions and preconceptions, we do not shut up long enough to give others a chance to respond to us. We tend to want to answer for them. 

Killer communicators are masters at knowing when silence is golden and they practice this discipline religiously. The best insight I can offer on this is to simply pause and give others a chance to steal the thunder. Believe me; other people want to hear themselves talk just as much as you do. Besides, the more you let others talk, the more you will learn if you are listening actively. This will help you make wiser decisions about your communication with others. 

So in a nutshell – learn to shut up – let others talk – it’s not about you – it’s about them – so just throw them the ball and open up your ears like a big hoop.

 

FAQ

Whenever I have delivered this presentation or talked with others about how to become a highly effective communicators, I always get this question. 

Dean, can anyone become a highly effective communicator? I’m going to answer that question here for you because I know some of you will ask. 

Here’s the deal… 

Those who ask this question usually fear that they can’t do it and usually, they are exactly right. The sad truth is that most people cannot achieve Killer Communicator level and even worse, most won’t even try. The majority of individuals will, in most cases, opt for the “flight or fight” approach to communication; both of which kills communications. 

You might also find that many people don’t agree with me on how to achieve this. I don’t much care whether you believe me or not – the fact is that these principles work and always have. That’s how principles are – unfailing and unchanging; you may categorize the keys differently; however, the results will be the same when put into practice. 

The short answer is NO – not anyone can become a highly effective communicator; however, I believe that most intelligent and open-minded people can. Unfortunately, we are in short supply of that species on this planet. I dare you – NO I double dare you to take the challenge! 

 

Proactive Leadership

Truly speaking the title of this article is somewhat of a paradox since the true definition of leadership requires that you be proactive. I included it however because in this article, it is imperative that you understand the difference if you are going to get the point; most people don’t. I apologize if I’ve already offended you; however, I promise you will understand if you’re brave enough to continue. 

If you are pressed for time, be sure to print this article out for reading at a later time. It is more than 2,500 words long so settle in for an interesting read – Jasmine Green Tea anyone? 
  

First, let’s define leadership. 

In classic Dean L. Forbes style, first, here’s the dictionary’s definition… 

Leadership – to provide guidance; give direction or issue orders; a position of authority and power 

Once again the dictionary fails us miserably in providing an adequate definition for such an important part of our existence – no wonder most fail at it abysmally. 

Here’s the Dean L. Forbes definition… 

Leadership – the courage to make decisions grounded in correct principle and to act in accordance with your values regardless of popular practice and with the primary purpose of serving others 

This to me is a more encompassing definition of leadership – true and authentic leadership.

 

Why Proactive Leadership?

True leadership requires that you be proactive; I added it in the title because it is important that you understand what it will take to be an effective leader – one that makes a difference. 

In order to be a proactive leader you must endeavor to take responsibility for all your deeds. In other words, neither people nor circumstances affect your response and if they do you accept the responsibility of allowing the occurrence. Responsibility is a discipline that all true leaders understand well – they recognize the vastness of it and act accordingly. 

The point is that when you are proactive you know that while you have no control over others or the circumstances around you – you do control you. You control what you think and how you act. Regardless of the stimuli, a proactive leader knows that he/she is free to choose his/her response rather than simply reacting. Reactive people are influenced by everything that acts upon them – proactive people influence actions. 

To put it in simple terms, if someone gives you the finger, you may choose to reciprocate in kind or you can just as easily ignore the gesture. This is what is known as being the bigger person. You can be proactive or reactive – just know that true leaders are proactive.

 

Self-leadership

Before you can lead anyone else, you must first master leading yourself. If you do not know where you are going or what your purpose is, how can you lead others? 

Purpose, plan and action in that order are how you self-lead. Without this sequence nothing will get done; you will not move forward and your dreams and goals will become mere fantasies. Self-leadership also requires that you are proactive; you do not wait for others or circumstances to move you – you are the mover. You move others and influence the circumstances around you in order to achieve the results you desire. 

In order to lead yourself effectively, you must be crystal clear about your intentions and why you intend them. You must value principles and be diligent in executing your plans. 

Here’s a jumpstart guideline to help you develop good habits in self-leadership. 

Develop a Personal Mission Statement

A personal mission statement is crucial in helping you identify you innermost values and goals. It serves as the compass guiding you on your journey ensuring that you remain on track. It is like the blueprint of a house. 

Before the first nail is driven – before the first beam is staked into the ground – a blueprint must be drawn. If not, the builders will not know where to put the big walk-in closet or the man-room with all the sports memorabilia. The point is that you need to know your mission – your purpose before you can begin to lay plans to achieve it. 

There is a reason elite teams like the Navy Seals, Rangers and the 300 are so successful at what they do. They all know the mission and each man knows exactly what he is expected to do and how it must be done to achieve the desired result. Effective self-leadership demands the same level of commitment and diligence in order to achieve at the highest level of your potential. 

Make plans and evaluate them often

Once you have a mission – a blueprint – you must make plans to execute it. You must now prioritize each stage of your plan in a manner that you believe will garner the greatest success. Based on your mission, you must plan your next moves; decide what resources and tools you need and also who are the people you need to contact to make it happen. All these things are an important part of the planning phase. 

Surely, depending on other elements beyond your control, you may need to change your plans. This is why you must evaluate your plans often – at monthly intervals perhaps. You can always change your plans if necessary to achieve the results you desire so long as your mission remains the same. Your mission should only change if it no longer represents your value system. 

The main reason to evaluate your plan is to ensure that it is in line with your values, adheres to correct principles and on track to achieving your goal. Value your mission but do not marry the plan otherwise it may blind you. Focus on the results you want to achieve and then make sure that your plans get you there. Even if you have to change your plans mid-stride, you will feel comfortable doing it if you are not attached to it. 

There is no substitute for a well-laid plan; all true leaders plan. There are none who do not. If you fail to plan, then you must also plan to fail. In fact, true leaders are almost always planning. 

Take action

Unless you act on your plans, nothing will happen – you will achieve nothing. You must act on your plans; you must execute each step on the way to fulfilling your purpose – your mission. 

You need to function like a guided missile. Its guidance system tells it what its purpose is; its programming tells it where it’s going; however that missile will not have fulfilled its purpose until it reaches its target. To do that, it must take flight – not stopping until it has reached its destination. This has to be you and you must commit to taking action consistently. 

Don’t sit on the sidelines waiting for everything to be perfect before you make a move for if you do you will be waiting for eternity. Taking action and making mistakes is the only way you will learn what it takes to move forward. Still waters may run deep but if you can’t “hang 10” you’ll never ride the waves. So what if you fall off the board a few times – the more you practice the better you will become. If you are waiting for perfection then you should know that practice is the only thing that makes perfect – or at least comes closest. 

Execute around priorities

Remember to put first things first and execute your plans by priority. Prioritize your actions by level of stages and importance. If you know that you must execute item A before item D can be the best, then make certain you do not skip item A. If you fail to prioritize your actions you will end up with what I like to refer to as “Scatter Brain Syndrome” or SBS. 

It is vital that you learn how to prioritize. It is the best way to avoid the “activity trap.” So many people suffer from the proverbial activity trap of being very busy but getting nowhere fast. This is because they are not prioritizing so they are just doing and acting without a guidance system. Yes you have to take action; however, acting out of sequence is just as bad if not worse than no action at all because it wastes valuable energy while achieving sub-par or no results. 

All true leaders understand the value of priority power and they use it consistently to help them stay on track and keep their actions in line with the mission.

 

Leading Others

Remember the paramount purpose of leadership – to serve others. This is the responsibility that all true leaders accept. If you are not aiming to serve others you cannot lead effectively. 

Neither your position nor station in life can ever make you an effective leader regardless of what the documents say. Leadership comes first from within and then influences the people and circumstances around you. This is why it is imperative that you first master self-leadership before leading others. 

In order to lead others effectively, you must know where you are going and have the vision to convey the mission clearly to those that would follow. People do not truly follow titles and positions; they follow those who represent values within them. They follow people they trust, people who show they care about them and their dreams. 

True leaders know that their success lie in those they help find success – in growing others. This is the path of the proactive leader – others. 

Here’s a jumpstart guideline to help you develop good habits in leading others. 

Put people first

Above all else true leaders always put people first. Everything else is secondary for there are no greater connections than the ones formed between people. You put people first because in the people is where you will find the greatest wealth of progress and creativity. When empowered, people can produce at levels we still have not seen or imagined possible. 

Without others, you cannot achieve at your full potential; without people, no company can rise to the pinnacle of excellence. Without others, no idea can change the world. We all need each other and that’s why you must always put people first. 

Feed the four quadrants

This goes hand-in-hand with putting people first. When you put people first, you can then take the necessary steps to make sure that you feed the four quadrants of people – the mind, body, heart and spirit. True leaders understand that they must always look to nourish people in these four areas in order to help them reach their full potential. 

Too often, I have seen companies that treat their employees like machines rather than people. They expect them to function like robots rather than the creative beings that they are. They do not involve them in the creation of the mission or purpose, yet they expect them to honor it. This usually leads to employees who are disgruntled and who feel like they have no real value. There are not many things worse that living a life without real purpose – most human beings want – need that. 

This is why as a leader, you must nourish the four quadrants of the people in any way you can. Feed their mind, body, heart and spirit and you will awaken extremely high levels of creativity, ingenuity and innovation within them. This is called “cherishing the goose.” 

Focus on results

It is important that you pay attention to details; however, you must not get caught up in the minutia of things. How a result is achieved is not as important as the result itself. So long as the results were met through right actions, the how doesn’t really matter at all. If your values are in tact, focus on the results. 

Too many people are overly concerned with process and procedure – these are guides and nothing more. There are always other ways – better ways of doing things. What matters most is the result. 

Managers often get caught up in doing the right thing by following procedure and doing exactly as they are told no matter what. When the plan fails, the lame response is usually, “I was only doing my job” or “that’s the way they wanted me to do it.” 

Leaders on the other hand do the right things. They do not get tangled in the web of procedure; rather they promote creativity and innovation in order to get the job done as quickly and efficiently as possible. The shorter and more effective the road to the results are – the better. 

This does not mean that you promote anarchy and break the rules every chance you get. It simply means that you remove the fear from the people by letting them know that you value innovation and creativity. You let them know that they should not be afraid to share new ideas because you value their voice. After all as a true leader, this is what you are supposed to do – help others find their voice. 

Value principles

If you do nothing else as a leader, make sure you value principles. Principles are universal truths that are unchanging. They do not break or waver – they simply are. If you value principles and endeavor to live by them, you will always be able to make good decisions. Others will undoubtedly respect your tenacity and resolve. 

Principles should be the backbone of every decision you make. This way your judgment will not be clouded by emotion. When you make decisions based on natural laws, you will always achieve the right results. For instance, there is a universal law that says, you reap more than what you sow; this is true in all cases. The more good you do, the more good will come back to you which means that the reverse is also true. 

Have you ever noticed that the more you are down, the more the universe seems to work to keep you down? And, the more you are up, the more the universe seems to work to keep you up? 

These are all natural laws in action every second of every day and it doesn’t matter what we do, they will simply exist. People and circumstances may change; however, principles do not. This is why you must value principles.

 

Where do leaders come from?

Everywhere and Anywhere! 

True leaders are not born or made; rather they emerge. Leaders can come from any walk of life; any color, creed or station. We all have the ability to become leaders; in fact we need more leaders than ever before in history. 

By the (Dean L. Forbes) definition of leadership, anyone with the will to act can become a leader. It does not matter who you are, where you’re from or what you do, leadership is yours if you choose it. 

Of course, this begs the answer to another question – one I frequently get. Can anyone truly be a leader?

Well for starters let me say that while all leaders are followers, not all followers are leaders. Not everyone wants to lead and that’s ok – happy following – no hard feelings. The other side to this is that many want to lead but only few will really become true leaders. Many are called – few are chosen. I know it’s a cliché but it is true.

In my personal opinion, I think that any person who lives a purpose-driven life can be a leader. In fact, if you live a life of purpose, you are obviously doing something right in your personal leadership – self-leadership. Unfortunately, purpose-driven people are in the minority on planet earth last time I checked. I’m no math whiz but I think you can figure this one out.

 

A final thought

This article is by no means an attempt to explain to you all the characteristics necessary to be a leader – that’s just too much for one article. The goal rather is simply to put true leadership in perspective for you – to provide you with proper context. 

Too often people misconstrue what true leadership is. I wrote this article to help you distinguish leadership from management. The goal is to point you in the right direction in developing true leadership habits. I want to help you understand that proactive leaders lead a life of significant difference. They make significant differences and they embrace differences significantly. 

My question is, what kind of leader do you want to be?

 

Killer Series: 7 Ways to Add Killer Value to any Product or Service

If you ever wonder why some people are so good at what they do or how some of the top sales people are making the numbers everyday, this is an article you need to read. Top performers have all mastered one thing – How to add Killer Value to their product or service. 

There is a zoo in Denver that had a dilemma when it was just about ready to open its gates to the public. The management realized that the cost of removing the exotic animal waste from the property was not only going to be astronomical but also leave a big footprint on the environment. Determined to find a better way, the leader of this team charged the entire management team to figure out the best way to reduce the cost of this liability as well as make a smaller footprint on the environment. 

No small feat if you asked me. 

Nonetheless, the team went to work brainstorming ideas on how to make this happen. By the time the zoo opened, they had devised a plan and implemented what I believe was the most awesome solution. 

At this Denver zoo today, you can buy garden manure called Zoop; I’ll let you guess which 2 words make up “Zoop.” Essentially, rather than paying exorbitant amounts of money to hall away the waste and create all sorts of toxins in the environment, the management decided to simply package the waste in the form of manure to be sold as fertilizer to anyone with a garden. Needless to say, the lines are frequently out the door with patrons purchasing Zoop in droves. 

Another zoo in Kansas City, MO repeated this same idea opting to call their product Zoo Manoo. Either way, this is definitely high on the scale of adding killer value. 

The point is that if you can add value to animal poop, you can definitely add value to anything. 

The goal of this article is to provide you with a step-by-step guide to adding killer value to your product or service, assuming of course that people want or need it. 

You may categorize them differently; however, there are basically 7 ways you can add Killer Value to any product or service. The ability to implement any one or a combination of these ideas will instantly improve the value of anything. 
  

#1 – Bigger

Bigger refers to quantity; you can always do more of or make it bigger than the competition. If you want to outdo the other guy, creating a bigger fanfare or doing more of the same will instantly add value. In this case size does matter and people appreciate it. There is a reason why those “All You Can Eat” restaurants do so well. It’s not about the portion you get; it’s about the value it adds knowing that you can eat to your heart’s content for a very reasonable price. 

In the case of adding killer value, BIGGER can definitely be a good thing

#2 – Better

Obviously it would add value to your product or service if you can do it better than everyone else. Whatever it is that you sell or whatever service you provide, consistently seeking ways to do it better will instantly set you apart from the rest of the pack. Better is about quality and research shows that most people will gravitate to other people and companies if they know for certain that the quality is better. 

Certainly many decisions are based on price; however, for the most part people will value quality over price especially if the product or service is within their budget. 

Don’t misconstrue the point here; I’m not saying that people will go out and drop their Honda to buy a Mercedes – not at all. I am saying however, that people will most likely purchase a Honda Accord versus a Chevy Malibu just based on quality. These cars are both in the same class; however, Honda is definitely known for producing a better quality car. 

#3 – Faster

Speed is definitely a plus in adding killer value; the faster you can provide something, the better. People love instant gratification so if you can find a way to deliver your product or service faster than the other guy, you’re golden – your customers will love you for it. 

Of course, your quality cannot suffer for the sake of faster delivery; otherwise, your purpose will be defeated. 

Adding killer value with speed simply means that you are able to deliver the same or better quality product or service at a faster rate than your competition. Now that’s killer value! 

#4 – Innovate

Why you? How are you uniquely different from the other guy and why should I give you my business? This is what it means to innovate; you must find a way to deliver your product or service differently.

This is where creativity comes in; innovation is how you stay ahead of the pack. When you consistently seek new ways to improve your product or service, the value is immediately recognized. You are definitely in a top class when you are able to do this consistently and successfully. 

#5 – Niche

Killer value is instant if you can find a niche and then figure out how to tailor your product or service to fit that niche. Keep in mind that the niche needs to be big enough to sustain your growth; however, once you have identified such a space in the market, you can easily begin to add value. 

People love to feel special therefore exclusivity of any kind can carry extremely high value. Just like the Denver Zoo found a niche in exotic animal waste, you can also find a lucrative niche in your market. The fact is that any animal waste can be processed to be used as fertilizer; however, exotic animal waste is more appealing to a certain group and you have to visit the Denver Zoo to get your own ration of Zoop! 

That is definitely a niche and adds killer value using several of the killer ways mentioned in this article.

 

#6 – Personality

You can always add killer value by making your product or service more fun or more serious or more creative depending on your target audience. If it’s more fun to do or to use, many people will recognize that as instant value. 

Chucky Cheese has made a significant impact in making children’s party’s more fun! You simply show up with all the children, eat the foods they provide and enjoy the fun activities available all for a reasonable price. The best part is they do all the work including the clean up which we all hate. If that’s not adding killer value, I don’t know what is. 

It may seem simple but, it really does work. Why do you think Chucky Cheese has been so successful? 

Whenever we entertain at home, the clean up is always the most dreaded part. Each time we do, we always wish we had someone else to take care of that part especially…
       

#7 – Relatable

If you can make your product or service more relevant to your target, you can add instant value. The more you can resonate with your customers, the better. Identity is important and one of the most valuable things that any service provider or manufacturer can do is to find ways to relate to their customers. 

When you deliver your product or service in a way that speaks to the identity of your customers, killer value is instantaneous. 

Here’s the skinny…

If you manufacture a product or provide a service where you are unable to implement one or a combination of these strategies, perhaps it’s time to consider selling or doing something else. If killer value ca be added to exotic animal waste (POOP), you can add killer value to just about anything.

Don’t be lazy – your customers deserve better and until you recognize that – you don’t deserve more no matter what you think. 

You have either heard me say it or read it in my articles – to achieve killer success, all you have to do is to find a way to create and distribute value to others through your gifts and talents. 

It is a simple concept to grasp so start grasping. I didn’t say it was easy to do – just simple to grasp. If it were easy, everyone would do it – but then that would be boring and make for a dull world. The truth is I wish everyone would do it but the fact is only 1% will. 

Where do you fall?   

 

Understanding Perception and How It Impacts Our Behavior

Recently, I had a heated debate with a colleague about the use of the word perception, especially when used in the wrong context. We were discussing a rather sensitive and important issue surrounding personal pain and we differed in our view of how people view pain.

 

In a nutshell, my colleague took the position that pain is pain and that when people have similar painful experiences, there is no difference in the level of pain they feel but that the difference comes in how each individual handles that pain. Furthermore my colleague suggested that perception of pain has nothing to do with the real pain that people feel because it skews the reality of the depth of the pain.

 

While I understand, at least I believe I truly do, where my colleague is coming from, I do not agree with her analogy. As I thought about it further, I realized that she may just not have understood my position – maybe – could be wishful thinking on my part. J

 

I am no Mr. Know-it-all and I don’t want to be; this is why I wanted to air this – to get other perspectives on the subject as I clock in with my 2 cents on the subject right now. Please feel free to leave a comment if you want to weigh in – you have a 10-day window on this one. (Usually 5 days)

 

What is perception?

First of all, let’s define Perception.

 

Perception is the way one views the world at large, his circumstances, position, role, others and any given situation he/she is aware of. By the dictionary, it says the following:

 

1. The act or faculty of apprehending by means of the senses or of the mind; cognition; understanding
2. Immediate or intuitive recognition or appreciation, as of moral, psychological, or aesthetic qualities; insight; intuition; discernment
3. The result or product of perceiving, as distinguished from the act of perceiving; percept
4. Psychology. a single unified awareness derived from sensory processes while a stimulus is present

These 4 definitions basically touch on the areas of context in which the word perception might apply – I agree.

 

Keeping this definition in mind, and whether you agree with it or not, let’s open the airwaves from this point of view. Before I get into the specific subject (not subject matter) that my colleague and I discussed surrounding perception, I would like to explore the relationship between reality and perception.

 

Have you ever heard the saying “perception is reality”? What do you think about that assessment? Do you think it’s true?

 

In my view, it would depend entirely on how you interpret the statement – your perception. When I hear and/or see that statement, it just reiterates what I already believe is true. This is because I firmly believe that your reality is determined by your perception of who, what and where you are mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I have often times heard individuals say “I see the world the way it is” and I wonder, “whose world are they talking about?”; certainly not mine or yours.

 

If you think about it, how can anyone see the world the way it is without understanding the world and everything in it completely? For this statement to be true you would have to know what makes everything on the planet tick; or at least what makes everything around you tick. Without that knowledge, one can never really see the world the way it is; therefore this is not reality.

 

Reality is derived from experience – individual experience. This means that everyone is living in his own reality. You can only expand the way you see things by truly connecting with others and learning more about the way others see the world, otherwise, you are doomed to the reality that exists within you – your perception.

 

This is the very reason why it is said that perception is reality. This statement is pointing to the individual – the way a person views his world and everything in it – your interpretation based on your experiences and influences. This is your perception and for all intended purposes, this is your reality which is very real and important to you. Reality then is based on the individual and not the whole – the individual through his perception creates his own reality. In doing so, it determines how he/she behaves, acts and interacts with others.

 

Is this a subjective view?

Perhaps; however, I don’t believe so – I think it is a matter of fact. Based on the universal law of cause and effect, perception is the driver of behavior and action. The law of cause and effect says:

 

“A cause is something that makes something else happen and an effect is what happens as a result of the cause.”

 

This being the case, whatever stimuli touches our mind, heart, body or spirit is interpreted a certain way and then acted upon based on that interpretation. Since the law of cause and effect is always at work, it stands to reason to believe that even the way we see things is caused by some other stimuli; perhaps past experiences or how we were raised and conditioned or the books we have read or the places we have lived.

 

Either way – the point is that how we view things – our perception – will always drive our actions; how we behave. This is clearly a part of the universal law of cause and effect in action.

 

Can Perceptions change?

Absolutely! This is how we learn and grow. We only evolve based on our new experiences which serve to either make us more convicted in our beliefs or give us new insights that inspire change. Either way, the more we learn and grow, the more our perception – the way we view our world will change. This is inevitable because one cannot change while existing in the same circumstance and mindset before the change came about. In other words, in order to make changes, you must be in a different mindset than you were before otherwise you cannot put a value on the change and therefore would not make it.

 

Let me give you a simple example.

 

I was born in the Jamaica W.I. and before I came to live in the United States, I was only allowed to listen to wholesome reggae music and the likes of Michael Jackson. This was my training and my conditioning that caused me to view (perceive) any other types of music as wrong – not for me. Upon my arrival in the U.S., I began to hear a different type of music – hip hop – nothing like what I listened to in Jamaica. At first, I thought, this is not what I am used to – it is the wrong type of music to be listening to and so I shut it out based on what my previous experiences had been.

 

About 1 year later, I became friends with the person that would ultimately become my best friend and still is for the past 22 years; he is the one that taught me about the origins of this new music – hip hop music. After he schooled me, I was hooked!

 

This would not have happened had I not come to the U.S. and had I not met my best friend. The point is that my perception (view) of hip hop music was forever changed and I have loved that genre ever since. I had grown – I had evolved and now my behavior towards this music would be different, Instead of avoiding it I would be running to it.

 

The point is that you can only act to your level of understanding and knowledge. What you can understand you can act on; what you don’t understand acts on you.

 

Let me say that again… what you can understand you can act on; what you can’t understand acts on you.

 

Is perception truly reality?

The answer is most definitely true. I mean – how could it not be?

 

If something is real to someone and they experience all the stimuli of that reality – guess what? That is reality – for him/her. You may see things differently; however, it doesn’t matter to this other person because they have a different set of circumstances.

 

Look at it this way…

 

Two men have the same job, a wife and two children plus a mortgage and other household bills. Do you think that each of these men can live in different realities?

 

Of course they can!

 

Man #1: Perhaps he sees (perceives) his situation as hopeless because he struggles month to month to make ends meet and he always has too much month left at the end of his paycheck. He feels dejected, lost and hopeless because he perceives his job as a dead end and thankless one.

 

Man #2: Perhaps he sees (perceives) things differently; he may be thinking that once he gets off work he can work on starting his own business; perhaps he can use his year end bonus to invest in his venture and he is looking forward to making his business a success so he can alleviate his family’s financial burdens and improve there quality of life.

 

Now let me ask you – are these two men living in the same reality? Certainly, they have the same type of job, earn the same wages and have similar family structure. The major difference is their outlook though; the way they perceive (view) their situations. One has given up hope while the other is full of optimism.

 

Do you think that the way these individuals view their world will have an impact on how they behave and what they do? Will their perceptions have an impact on where they end up? You’d better believe it!

 

How we behave, the actions we take and the choices we make are tied to how we see (perceive) the world – our world. We do not see the world the way it is but instead see the world the way we are.

 

This is not to say that you cannot empathize with another individual or truly and deeply feel what another individual is going through. The fact of the matter is that when you are able to empathize with others and feel their pain, your perception will automatically change. It is irrefutable. Your perception about any given situation cannot remain the same once you acquire new insights to which you can relate or in what you can believe.

 

Once you gain new knowledge and are exposed to new insights, you see the world (or that situation) differently; this will create a different perception.

 

Let me put it this way…

 

A woman screams thief… thief – in the middle of the street after just being mugged; you arrive on the scene just in time to see a young lady running away as the woman who has been mugged screams “she took my purse – she took my purse.” Your perception (view) of this situation might be that the young lady you saw running away is in fact the mugger.

 

So tell me, what would happen if you later discovered that the young lady you happen to see seemingly fleeing from the scene was actually chasing the teenage girl who had in fact been the real mugger? Would that change your perception?

 

Of course it would! You have new information; new insight that you believe to be true so your reality as it pertains to this situation will automatically shift; your perception will be different and your behavior and/or actions will reflect what you believe – what you perceive.

 

Perhaps I have left the point of this article way behind; however; I would like to come full circle with the thought.

 

My colleague and I were discussing pain and the reality of it. Her stance on the matter is noted at the beginning of this article and so here is mine as we hit the home stretch.

 

Pain, like any other feeling and/or situation in your life, is still controlled by perception. In other words, how you perceive your level of pain will determine how you deal with that pain; what actions you will take and so forth.

 

Certainly, there are stark similarities and identical stages individuals go through when they experience the same type of trauma; however, based on background, experiences, influences and level knowledge and understanding, the trauma may be perceived differently by each individual and therefore their actions in dealing with the situation will be different.

 

Let me say it this way…

 

If two women are raped by the same individual in much the same manner, it stands to reason that they quite likely might experience the trauma in the same manner… right?

 

Let us assume that all the circumstances surrounding the rape are basically the same and that the only differences lie with the individuals who were raped. For instance, let’s say that of the two women raped, one is a freshman just starting college who has never been away from home before, grew up in a strict religious family and has never been exposed to this type of trauma before and the other is a psychologist who treats other female rape victims for a living.

 

Knowing this, do you think that their perception (view) of the trauma might be different? And if so, do you think they would each handle it differently?

 

Of course they would. This is of course a vacuumed scenario because it takes no other factors into consideration; however, I think it makes the point. There is a reason some rape victims commit suicide and others report it; they perceive the rape differently. If they both viewed the incident in the same way, the resulting action would also be the same… cause and effect.

 

Yes, it is sort of a blanket statement without any anomalies BUT you get the point I’m making.

 

Putting perception in context

Perception is the way one views the world; it is the lens through which we see the world around us. It is a personal thing; although influenced and shaped by many factors – it is ultimately personal.

 

As my colleague and I discussed perception surrounding personal pain, it became clear to me that she believed that using the word perception or even implying it was to see things at the surface level. It seemed to me that she was thinking of the word perception in the wrong context – as if it were a physical position rather than a way of seeing.

 

The way we see things is all about interpretation; it has nothing to do with the depth of things per say but more to do with how we view situations which then translates to what depth we feel things.

 

It stands to reason then that whether you are in physical, mental, emotional or spiritual pain, your experiences and influences will determine how you interpret that pain which will in turn determine to what depth/level you feel the pain.

 

A trained navy seal will interpret a gun shot would to the arm a lot differently than the average civilian. This is because he is trained and conditioned to endure much more physical pain; a navy seal’s threshold for physical pain will be higher than that of the average civilian.

 

Let me try this another way…

 

A stimulus is a fact – it is what it is; how we interpret that stimulus will determine our response which is a choice. Our perception of the stimulus (the cause) will determine our response (the effect)… CAUSE & EFFECT!

 

Perception is neither a judgment nor an opinion; it is neither fact nor fiction – it is a point of view. It is neither depth nor breadth; it is neither rhyme nor reason – it is the way we see the world around us.

 

If you have any thoughts on this, please leave a comment. I would love to hear from you. You can also send me an e-mail by visiting my contact page.

 

Thank you.

How to Become a Highly Effective Problem Solver

Ever notice how some people almost always come up with great solutions over and over again – even in situations where there seemed to be no successful avenue? Ever wonder how it is that these people pull this off so consistently while simultaneously making it look easy?

These types of people are highly effective problem solvers; they know how to read a situation, discern what the real issue is and then provide creative solutions that lead to win/win outcomes. Individuals like this understand all too well the importance of addressing a problem at the root cause rather than supplying band-aids to cuts and bruises or prescribing medicine that address the symptoms only.

 

If becoming a highly effective problem solver sounds like a tall order to you – let me assure you that this is a skill you can learn as long as you’re open. Whether you think you are or not or you are simply seeking to improve on this area in your personal growth, the goal of this article is to arm you with the information you need to achieve the results you desire.

 

You will be able to not only come up with creative solutions to problems and/or issues but also reach people on a much deeper level than you have been able to in the past. There is no connection greater than the ones achieved when you reach another human being on the level that is most real to him or her. It opens up unlimited new avenues of possibilities in relationships and in life.

 

OK… so you might be thinking that I’m way too optimistic about the possible results you can achieve by becoming a highly effective problem solver… BUT… think about it for a moment.

 

Have you ever witnessed the transformation in people when you or someone else helps them solve a problem – especially one that has been a thorn for a while? They are immediately elated and simultaneously, their level of gratitude increases. In many cases, people feel the need to either repay you or pay it forward. It is inevitable that whenever you remove blockage in someone’s life, that person instantly becomes more open to possibilities that they could not see let alone believe while the blockage existed.

 

Highly Effective Problem Solvers are the types of people others are drawn to without even knowing or understanding why. It is the energy they emit that makes them magnetic and their circle of influence grows with each problem they help someone to solve. Highly Effective Problem Solvers understand that problems are not resolved by treating symptoms, you must focus on addressing the root cause. This is the only way to create solutions with long-lasting and positive impact.

 

If you truly desire to help others solve problems in their lives – stick around. I think you will find this article both enjoyable and informative. You will be able to apply the principles you read immediately and with practice, you will greatly improve your problem solving skills and begin to see profound, impactful and positive results in the lives of the people you help.

 

To become a highly effective problem solver, there are 3 elements of focus that when honed and sharpened will, in almost all cases, help you achieve profound, impactful and positive results. These 3 elements, all of Greek origin, are Ethos, Pathos and Logos.

 

First, let’s understand Ethos and how it applies.

 

Ethos encompasses your ethics and your reputation; the way you do things and how you’re viewed by others through your actions. Are you a person who truly desires to help others or are you just doing this for the glory?

 

Before a person can be truly open to listening to you and taking direction from you, he or she must first believe that your motives are genuine otherwise your words will fall on deaf ears. Highly Effective Problem Solvers are individuals who truly desire to help others improve their lives by helping them solve the issues that plague them. Even if helping others solve problems in their lives is not your sole purpose in life, once you’re in this mode, there is no doubt as to what is driving your actions.

 

Ethos demands that you earn the right to do what you do; that you be worthy of your audience’s respect. In some cases, your reputation will have preceded you and your authority will have been established by your title, accolades or some advanced promotion or introduction. Nevertheless, it is always important to provide a little detail as to why you are doing this; something that either establishes or solidifies your integrity.

 

This seemingly small thing will not only provide your audience a clear picture as to why they want to listen to you, it also penetrates the defensive walls people surround themselves with when they are feeling insecure. Furthermore, once the walls go down, people instantly become more open to receive the value that you bring to the table.

 

Now, let’s look at Pathos.

 

Pathos speaks to your capacity to empathize with others; feel their pain and truly understand their plight. In the role of helping others solve their problem, it is important that they believe first that you truly understand what they are going through. It’s simple really; if you don’t or can’t understand what your audience is going through, how can you possibly help them find the right solution? I’ve seen and heard so many people spew out high level advice with low level understanding.

 

To strengthen your Pathos, there are 3 basic listening principles you need to practice.

 

Firstly, remove all your pre-conceived notions or judgments about the situation. You must go in as a blank slate; a new canvas ready for a new drawing. This will increase your capacity to listen not only to what is being said but also to what is not which often times is more important. If you have no pre-judgments, you can truly act in the best interest of the individual you aim to help.

 

Secondly, you must endeavor to understand the plight of the person you are trying to help. Before you formulate any opinions, replies or advice, you must first seek to truly comprehend and appreciate the person’s situation. Once again, this only increases the value of what you will offer because when you truly understand the problem a person is facing, it gives rise to your creative self in providing the right solution.

 

Thirdly, clarify and restate what you’ve heard and understood; be sure to ask if your assessment is on point. This provides the person with room to either clarify further if you’ve missed the mark or simply smile in relief as he or she agrees that you have in fact hit the mark. More often than not, if you truly desire to help and you are truly listening with the intent to understand, you will hit the mark dead on.

 

Practicing these 3 listening principles will undoubtedly improve and strengthen your capacity for Pathos. It will show your audience that you are truly listening with the intent to understand as opposed to with the intent to reply. So many people miss what you are saying completely because they are too busy thinking of what they are going to say next.

 

When you strengthen your capacity for Pathos, your empathy will shine through and the person you are trying to help will recognize that you are actually in it with them; they will feel understood thereby making them open for your advice, direction and coaching.

 

Highly effective problem solvers are exceptional listeners; they understand that the reason they have two ears and only one mouth is so they can listen twice as much as they talk. In order to achieve your goals as a highly effective problem solver, you must aim to become an astute listener. Your goal is to hear as clearly in chaos as you do in silence.

 

Logos is automatically strengthened by improving Ethos and Pathos.

 

Logos speaks to your capacity for logic and reasoning. Your audience needs to feel sure that your advice is sound and your direction is focused. Highly effective problem solvers recognize that in order to truly help someone solve a problem, you must be able to marry the emotion with reasoning.

 

When you are exercising Pathos, you are validating the person’s feelings about their situation; you are showing that you feel his or her frustration. When it’s time to provide a solution, the solution must make sense; it has to be based on facts, statistics and/or experience. Whatever conclusion you draw, you must be able to show a clear line to that conclusion. Your logic must be based on correct principles rather than emotion. Essentially, your audience has to feel sure that you know what you are talking about.

 

This is where you must put your ego aside. Even if after listening and understanding the situation, you feel you are not the best person to help, logos demands that you direct the person to the best source that can help. Check your ego… check your ego… check your ego!

 

You don’t have to be a know-it-all to be a highly effective problem solver. Some of the most effective problem solvers are those that always know the right people and places to go to for help. Many highly effective problem solvers are just exceptional resource banks that you can draw on to find the answers you seek.

 

So remember, Ethos, Pathos and Logos – the great philosopher Aristotle thought of these 3 elements as integral to making a sound argument. As it turns out, they are equally effective in the art of solving problems.

Eating Humble Pie

“To become truly great, one has to stand with people, not above them.” Charles de Montesquieu

 

This article addresses not only of the key elements of positive personal growth but a major personal struggle in my own. Exercising humility has been and is still a daily chore for me. I’ve worked hard at it and I’ve come a long way – still every time I start to get a bit complacent (you know – on my high horse), something happens to bring me right back down to earth.

 

So, why am I even qualified to write an article aiming to help you with your own struggle with humility? Well, that’s because for one thing, I’ve had to eat humble pie more times than I care to regurgitate and for a second thing I’ve seen the profound and positive impact expressing humility has had on my personal growth. It’s truly remarkable what positivity and blessings are unleashed when you remain humble – it’s really a “WOW” effect.

 

Additionally, I’ve also come to understand that many people don’t even understand what it truly means to be humble. Many think that it is a skill that you can practice and suddenly you’re humble. Others believe that those who have are almost always arrogant and those who have not are humble. Nothing could be further from the truth.

 

I have studied humility from my own experiences and the experiences of others; I have been schooled and scolded by great men and women and I have seen incredible acts of humility in both those people who have and those who have not. I can certainly confirm for you that humility has nothing to do with what you have but certainly to do with who you are as a person.

 

Let’s define humility.

 

First… what the dictionary says…

Humility – lack of false pride, lowliness of mind, meekness and a modest estimate of one’s own worth.

 

Now while that’s sounds about right, it doesn’t really sit well with me because from what I’ve experienced in humility, both in my own personal growth and in others, humility means a whole lot more than that. Here’s how I define humility.

 

What Dean L. Forbes says…

Humility – The courage to do what you know is right, the wisdom to seek counsel from experience, to value and live in service to others, be devoid of false pride and to allow your actions to speak louder than your words in expressing and sharing  your divine gifts and talents.

 

To me, this is a more powerful and more reflective definition of humility.

 

What Does It Really Take to Achieve Humility?

A whole lot of patience and yup you guessed it – HUMILITY. J It might sound strange to hear that but it’s true – part of the process in achieving humility actually requires you to be humble. This makes it a tricky feat because many people often find themselves in quite a quagmire of confusion in discerning humility in themselves.

Seriously though, what does it really take to achieve humility? If you are willing to commit to and practice the following 8 principles – you can most certainly achieve true humility.

 

1. Admit what you don’t know – you must commit to knowing enough to know that you don’t know everything. In fact the more you learn the more there is to learn; you cannot exhaust knowledge because knowing only begets more things undiscovered which is why knowledge is infinite.  

If perception is reality and everyone had a different perception of everything, how much could one man ever really know considering there are 6 billion of us on earth living in an ever changing world. No one then, can know everything so stop pretending as if you do – you’re only fooling yourself.

My father used to tell me “Dean, it is better to be thought of as a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” So again, it is simply impossible for you to know everything and sooner or later you will make a fool of yourself and people will know it – worse, they will remember it.

2. Learn from experience – whether it is your own or someone else’s, make it a point to learn from experience. It is the best teacher after all because once someone has gone through something, what they know about it is significantly different from what they did before the experience. This is why although we have the ability to empathize with another’s plight, often times, unless you have had a similar experience, it is very difficult to understand exactly what the person is feeling.  

This is why experience is great – it can help you avoid the pitfalls of those who’ve gone before you. It is false pride to believe that you are greater than the person in whose footsteps you walk before having walked the path. Ever heard the term “fools rush in?” Well that’s what happens when you ignore experience and put your pride first only to end up on your derriere soon after.

3. Listen twice as much as you talk – this use to get me into trouble all the time as a youngster and sometimes as an adult. I love to talk but I didn’t know when to shut up and before you knew it, I was on a soap box pontificating about how great I am.

Another one of my father’s lessons use to come in this format; “Dean, why do you think God gave you two ears and one mouth?” It took me all of my teenage years to figure this one out and when I finally did, it caused an immediate paradigm shift. With two ears and one mouth, you should listen twice as much as you talk. This is how you begin the practice of seeking first to understand and then to be understood.

Everything is not about you and what you do and who you are and what your accolades have been. There’s much more to life than you so get off your high horse or be prepared to take a hard tumble. I have been knocked off the horse plenty by simply talking too much and doing very little and that’s just lame.

4. Let your actions do the talking – this goes hand in hand with the third principle; allow what you do to speak for you. When you do this, you won’t have a need to boast about your accomplishments – your track record will be clear; your reputation will precede you and people will be able to see it. It is far better to have others sing your praises than you because when other people do it, it carries far more weight. When you do it, you’re just bragging and no one likes a know-it-all and a show-off.

This is not to say that you can never speak of your own accolades – you certainly can as long as it is relevant. For instance, if you are asked about an accomplishment and you give an account of how you achieved it, that’s perfectly acceptable. If you are advising or teaching someone else and your experience is a relevant example, by all means use it.

5. Accept criticism openly – walls of self-righteousness will always amplify your arrogance and come off as condescending. Humility requires the ability to accept criticism openly with the intent to understand it, process it fully and use what you can of the information to improve yourself. Your personal growth is largely based on your openness to learn and change.

Even if you perceive that the criticism you’ve received is a personal attack, humility still requires the same level of openness and willingness to change otherwise you will lack the wisdom to see the value in it. Whether you use the information or not is irrelevant, it only matters that you remain open to receive it.

If you can learn to listen openly, you will learn a great deal even from those who speak badly.

6. Accept compliments graciously – this is an art that requires self awareness and balance. Many people really don’t know how to accept a compliment. I’ve mostly seen this in two extremes.

On one hand, some people act extremely conceited upon receiving a compliment – they behave as if it was inevitable that they receive such praise and they are quick to tell you why. On the other hand, some people are so insecure about whether they are being humble or not that they completely discount the value of their acts by refusing the compliment all together.

You might think that the latter is the better of the two approaches but I caution you in that thought. It is actually insulting because not only do you devalue your acts but you devalue the person giving the compliment – they may perceive your response as an insult; that you don’t believe they can recognize true value.

Instead of either of these two responses, the best way to go is to simply respond to a compliment by saying, “Thank you, it was my pleasure.” Don’t say, “It was nothing or you don’t have to thank me.” The person knows they don’t have to thank you, he or she didn’t ask you for your permission in the first place so what makes you think you can give it. Secondly, why say something like “It was nothing” when the person complimenting you clearly thinks that it was – again, insulting.

7. Don’t ever say “I told you so” – no matter how tempting it is, only arrogance can direct this statement. It is what you say when your paramount purpose is to prove you are right and rub the other person’s nose in it by proving he/she is wrong. This is far from humble – it’s abrasive – you’re definitely breaching Jerk City with this one.

Instead, take the high road as they say and try saying something like “Would you like to try my approach next time?” (Minus the sarcasm of course.J), or simply say nothing at all but be there to listen if you’re needed.

8. Admit your mistakes and learn from them – this is probably the pinnacle of humility and very hard for many people to do. Many people believe that admitting their mistake somehow diminishes them when the exact opposite is true. It actually builds you up – people hold you in higher regard for being accountable. When you admit your mistake, people know that they can count on you to be a stand up individual.

If you are reading this line right now and you’re still not open to the point of view in this article, you’d better settle in and read the 8 principles of humility again. J Better still, go back to the top and read my definition of humility because it’s going to take some of it for you to begin to open up to these insights.

 

The point is that I’ve been knocked off my high horse so many times; my but has permanent scars from those experiences by now. It wasn’t until I began to practice the 8 principles of humility that I experienced significant and profound positive changes in my personal growth. My butt for one is still thanking me and I humbly reply, “You’re welcome – it was my pleasure.”J

The Secret to Personal Change

I have consumed tons and tons of information on personal growth and development and I have shared with many people, the powerful lessons that I have learned. Still, personal change has not come easy and for many it is a repetitive cycle of empty promises to themselves and others. 

 

Although personal change is not always easy, I have found that it has always been worth it to strive to be a better me in every way I can. That being said, I have often found it frustrating when others seemingly refuse to change regardless of the proven results or mounds of evidence indicating that the change will make them a better, wiser and more loving human being. I am not talking about evil people, I am talking about people who are blessed enough to see the light but still turn their back on it and go the other way… I am talking about me.

 

I hope that doesn’t surprise you to see me include myself in this bunch; someone who is supposed to be sharing his experience and teaching you about personal growth and development. How could this be?

 

The fact is that personal change requires consistent work on you to stay on track. It’s not so much that the steps are hard; it’s more so that recognizing your shortcomings and then admitting them can sometimes take a while. The light is not always turning in the lighthouse and when that happens, your ship can get wrecked.

 

The good news is that you can always mend the ship, repair the sails and get right back on your journey; it just requires a little courage and willingness to act.

 

Ponder if you will a moment…

 

Do you accept things in your life that you know are not good for you? Have you made choices in your life that are out of line with your core values?

I think that most, if not all, of us would answer yes to these two questions if we were honest with ourselves. I know I’d have to say yes without a doubt. The more important question is what have you done about it?

 

Personal Change Defined

First and foremost let me define what I mean by personal change.

 

Personal Change involves making conscious choices to think, feel and act differently than you have in the past. You can choose to make changes in every part or some parts of your life or simply change one thing. The reason it’s personal is because you are changing you and not anyone or anything else.

 

Although changes can be positive or negative, this article covers personal change from the standpoint of making positive changes.

 

Why Change in the First Place?

If you don’t change, you don’t grow. I’d say that the moment you decide to make a positive personal change in your life, you have a desire to grow beyond your current level. This means that the change would help you increase your understanding, develop your maturity and give you greater scope in the area in which you desire to make the change.

 

If you think about it, the only reason to make a personal change is the desire to grow. Whether you gain insight, a new perspective, a new connection or you increase your financial wealth, the point is that you would have grown because of the change you decided to make.

 

What’s the Secret?

I’ve pondered this a long time trying to wrap my mind around it. Even in the face of my own personal changes that I’ve made over the years, I have experienced that not all of them were so easy. Sometimes it took a lot of trial and error and many failures before I embodied a change and it became a habit.

 

Through it all though, there were certain common underlying elements in the process to make every change and I believe this is where the secret lies. The difficulty of course is mastering these elements and assimilating them into your character. Personal Change is hard because the required elements are not commonly exercised.

 

The secret of personal change lies in its compass. The wrong compass will undoubtedly lead you in the wrong direction. This is the part about personal change that is often misunderstood and therefore often leads to frustration and repetitive negative cycles.

 

The 6 elements below will help you understand and navigate the difficulties of personal change so that you can consistently achieve the results you desire.

 

Decisiveness

If you can’t even decide that you need to make a change, how will you begin to do it? The GI-Joe team use to say “knowing is half the battle.” Now why do you suppose they said that?

 

It is because no matter how much you know, it becomes meaningless without a release or an outlet. Basically, whether you know information that needs to be shared or you know of a change that you need to make, you have to put the wheels in motion in order to reach the full potential of the knowledge. This means that you have to make a conscious decision… you have to decide to move or nothing will happen.

 

Believe it or not, this is one of the hardest things for many people to do. It can be a real struggle especially if the change is significant. The more significant the change, the more it will interrupt your life and affect your current situation. This is what makes the decision process so arduous for many. Causing upheaval in your life is probably not something you’d like to do on a regular basis which in many cases is the very thing that cripples your actions. Sometimes you might even make the decision to move forward only to find out later that it was only a fleeting thought since you’ve done absolutely nothing different to make the change you sought. 

 

Decisiveness then does not only include the knowledge but also the will to act on it. Only then can YOU begin to realize the personal change.

 

Value

What is the value of the personal change you want to make? What does it mean to you? Making a personal change is more than just words or fad… it requires high value in order to achieve success. You have to know inside that the change is worth whatever sacrifices you need to make to reach your goal.

 

If your decision to make a personal change is based on others’ opinions, the latest trend or some external circumstance, you’ve already failed at making a deep or long-lasting impact. Personal Change requires that you believe in the reason for the change. It must be of high value to YOU; it must be in line with your core principles. If it is not, when the opinions sour, the trends fade and the circumstance succumbs, so will the personal change you’ve made, if you’ve even made it at all.

 

Deep inside, you must have a very valuable “WHY” for the change you seek to make. The value you place on it is the only one that counts in order for you to achieve the results you desire.

 

No value = No change.

 

Blueprint

This will come up over and over again on this website… rarely do things get done successfully without a blueprint. In order to get where you’re going, you need a clear and accurate roadmap.

 

This is why, before you begin your journey of personal growth and development, you should draw a blueprint of how you plan to get there. The blueprint should be clearly outlined with each of your steps and a deadline for achieving your goal. Some of the questions you should answer are:

 

1. What are the changes I want to make?

2. Why do I want to make this change?

3. What are the steps I need to take to achieve my goal?

4. Who are the people to whom I need to speak in order to achieve my goal?

5. Do I need any tools… what are they?

6. When will I begin my journey?

7. How long will it take?

 

These are very crucial questions that require clear and decisive answers before you proceed. You can break these questions down even further if you wish… just break it down far enough so that it makes sense to you. The point is that, you need to have a clear picture of where you’re going before you begin your journey. See the end first and then through your actions execute to make it happen.

 

Without your blueprint, you will easily become confused or overwhelmed. In many cases people forget why they’re even doing what they’re doing. This is where many people get lost and go off-track in their quest. Your blueprint helps you stay on course; you should consult it as often as you wish. It’s your blueprint so you are free to modify it mid-stride if necessary to achieve your ultimate goal.

 

Commit

If you don’t commit, you might as well quit! Without commitment you won’t get very far… your trip will end before it begins. Committing is very hard for many people to grasp and for some a very scary ordeal.

 

Let’s get one thing straight right now – commit is a verb not a noun. Commitment is the noun that requires the action to commit. In other words, you have to act in accordance with the commitment you made in order to achieve the results you desire. Lip service won’t amount to more than a hill of Jack’s magic beans and thinking about it without following through with action will result only in self delusion.

  

Let me give you an example of what I mean.

 

I have a friend who’s been a chronic smoker for years and he has tried to quit many times. Each time he’s tried to quit he’s said that he’s committed to doing it. He’s tried the patch, the lozenge, the pill and all sorts of glorified quick fixes and still he has been unsuccessful. He blames his failure on stress, pressure and a host of other life challenges all the while claiming that he’s committed.

 

He’s even gone as far as going outside for a smoke and then chewing mint gum in an effort to disguise the scent from him and others. He is deluded and in that delusion, he still continues to claim to be committed.

 

After 9 years of failed attempts to quit, I asked my friend, “Why don’t you just go cold turkey and quit?” His reply was that he needs something to help him quit. I replied, “Yes I know, you need commitment and the will to follow through on it.” He still insisted that he needed something else external to himself in order to achieve his goal. Needless to say, my friend is still a chronic smoker and I still challenge him to simply commit and go cold turkey.

 

The moral of the story is very simple. No matter how much help you have and no matter how great your resources, it means “diddly squat – zippo – nada” if you are not committed to the cause.

 

Practice

Have you ever heard the term, “practice makes perfect?” If so and you’ve tried it, then you also know that it is true… well except for the perfect part. In my own words, I’d say that it is absolutely true that practice makes excellence.

 

If you are committed to making a personal change, you have to put it into practice for it to become a habit. Once you develop your change into a habit, it becomes rooted in your character and personality – you would have achieved your goal.

 

Again, heed the caveat, like commit, practice is a verb not a noun. If you don’t do the things that you need to do to bring your personal change into fruition, it simply won’t happen. This means that especially at the times when you don’t feel like practicing are when you should make the extra effort to do it. It means living the change day in and day out until it becomes a habit.

 

This should be easy though, like taking candy from a baby because you’re committed… right? J

 

Consistency

Without the sixth element, all the other five are standing on shaky ground. Personal Change requires diligent and steady work in all these areas in order to achieve the results you desire. No amount of knowledge or experience can ever replace consistent effort. This is the coal in your train engine, the fire in your belly. If you are not willing to consistently excel at these 6 elements, personal change will continue to elude you.

 

Now What?

I’m not saying it will always be easy… in fact in my experience, personal change has always been challenging and in many cases quite difficult. That being said, there aren’t many things in life worth having or doing that comes easily, otherwise, they would have little value. Like I said before though, it’s always worth the effort when you experience the positive results.

 

The more important question is if you’ve reached this point in my article, what are you going to do about your personal change? Is there anything about YOU that you’ve always wanted to change but struggled with?

 

At least now you have no more lame excuses as to why you can’t do it or why it’s so hard. I just gave you more than a head start… the blueprint if you will. No one can give you the rest because the rest is literally up to you. You have the information – what you choose to do with it is your responsibility.

 

Leader or sheep… you decide. J

 

 

 

 

Killer Series: 7 Steps to Building a Killer Team

Have you ever watched a high-performing team in action? Better yet, have you ever been a part of a high-performing team?

I don’t how many of you watched the show that the Chinese put together for the 2008 Summer Olympic Games but I can tell you it was truly a spectacular sight and accomplishment. This was the pinnacle of a high-performing team in action – what I like to call a Killer Team. The pure energy and masterful synchronicity was absolutely impeccable. They were fluid and flawless during every show and absolutely electrifying with every move. It was definitely a sight to behold and if you didn’t have the opportunity to see it, I can say without a doubt that you missed something very special.

I don’t know what they will do when the games hit London in 2012 but I do know they’ve got their work cut out for them. I have had the opportunity to experience the difference between a Killer Team and a team that gets killed. It is always a much happier, more productive, more efficient and more creative scene when you are on a Killer Team – as if that’s not obvious. It is so much more powerful that my ultimate goal when working with a team is to be a part of and cultivate a Killer Team. This is of the utmost importance the moment you begin to work in multiples.

 

Whether you are leading or are a part of a team, this should be your ultimate goal. Everything else that the team accomplishes rests with the way they are able to work together. It will be next to impossible to achieve any result of great value if your team is not working together. If some of you are pushing while others are pulling, it will create negative energy and in some cases wreak havoc on the whole team. Contrary to the popular belief – opposites do not attract, especially when it comes to teams.

 

Like-mindedness is essential for team success; the goal of the team must be the focus of every team member in order to achieve the best results. That being said, following are my best ideas on what it takes to build a Killer Team. I’ve broken it down into 7 steps that you can begin to apply immediately and achieve immediate and positive results.

 

 

1. Embody the mission

This is something that will come up over and over again on this website in some context or another. So many people embark on new journeys, start new projects or new relationships without ever creating a mission for what they want to achieve. It is actually ludicrous when you think about it; see yourself in your mind’s eye getting ready to do something or go somewhere without knowing exactly what it is you are trying to accomplish.

Does that make sense? Of course it doesn’t. That would only make sense to a moron and I know that’s not you.

 

So then, the first step in building a Killer Team is to embody the mission. Embodying the mission though means several things. In order to be one with your team mission, every member must be willing to commit to it without wavering; you must all see it through together.

Several things occur when a mission has been embodied successfully.

 

Creating and living the mission – when the whole team is involved in creating the mission, it makes them feel like they are a part of something greater than themselves. Their values become a part of the whole which makes it personal and therefore automatically commands more commitment. It is a lot easier to live a mission that you created than it is to live someone else’s; in fact I’d say it’s damn near impossible to live a mission you didn’t have a hand in creating. This is absolutely essential if you want your team to fully embrace the mission – be one with it. You must all be involved in the creation of it and then you must all live it every single day for maximum impact.

 

Clarity in purpose – nothing beats the knowledge of destiny. When you know exactly what you want to achieve and precisely where you’re going, it’s pretty difficult to miss the mark. At that point you only have to choose the right vehicles to get you to your destination – to your goal. A purpose-driven goal is one destined for success. Once every team member is clear on what the purpose is, expectations are aligned and focus is singular. This creates power beyond your imagination and productivity skyrockets under these conditions.

 

Roles & responsibilities defined – this cannot be stressed enough. I’ve seen so many teams implode because the members have no clue what each is supposed to be doing. This is what creates chaos on a team and breeds frustration that lead to conflicts that lead to undesired or disastrous results. It is absolutely imperative that roles and responsibilities are clear and that each team member knows not only what he or she is supposed to be doing but also exactly what each of the other team members are supposed to be doing. This is important in order to achieve maximum efficiency and efficacy. It allows your team to execute at a high level with the least effort. No double work!

 

The tie that binds – this is what embodiment of a mission does; it creates a deep bond among those who’ve created and are indeed living it. This is a very important element as you will see in the next step, Cultivate Synergy. If you create a mission together, live it daily together and commit together to see it through, this creates a powerful and almost unbreakable bond. It creates unshakable focus and through your commitment, it crystallizes your purpose – the team’s purpose.

 

2. Cultivate Synergy

Synergy is supremely important for any team to function at its peak. This is the pinnacle of togetherness in a common cause. When a team is synergized, each move they make is like flowing water; they move in fluidity and synchronized harmony. It’s really a beautiful thing to experience and if you have, you know exactly what I am talking about.

 

Cultivating synergy requires transparency and openness among all the team members. It requires the desire to listen with the intent to first understand each other and also the courage to state your point of view. It requires that, when trying to resolve issues or come up with solutions where you do not all agree, that you always seek

The Third Alternative

which is a solution derived from all the desires combined to create a better solution than any of the individual ideas – it promotes and demands win/win.

 

Furthermore, cultivating synergy also requires that you cherish teamwork in all facets and eliminate competition – at least against each other. Competition among the team can easily, and often does, lead to “I first and team second” and selfishness. This creates the “what’s in it for me” mentality which throws the whole idea of the team purpose right out the window.

 

Rather than promote competition, Killer Teams promote collaboration; they promote cooperation and fellowship. Instead of sitting on opposite sides of the table, members of a Killer Team sit on the same side. Side by side is better than opposing sides – both from a physical and psychological stand point.

 

When a team is synergized, trust is at its pinnacle – each teammate trusts the other to do exactly what he is supposed to do. Each member covers the other and is confident that his/her backside is covered at all times. If you are unable to trust your teammates, you will be unable to achieve success as a team.

 

Synergy is what made the L.A. Lakers of the 80’s and Chicago Bulls of the 90’s so great. The players trusted each other – they knew when to give the ball up to the next man. They seemed to always know where each other was on the court and every man seemed to know where he needed to be in order to receive the ball and sink a basket. It was like watching beautiful choreography when these teams played. 

 

3. Level the playing field

For the most part, every team has a leader as well it should. There should be someone in the director position – the person responsible for making sure the blueprint is followed and the goals are met. That being said, one of the most important elements of a Killer Team is a level playing field.

 

This means that no one and I mean no one is above the law so to speak. As a matter of fact, the first person upholding the laws of the team should always be the leader. His/her example should be like a shining beacon to all other team members.

 

Leveling the playing field is simple – it requires that every member of the team is accountable for his/her actions. Each person from the top down is held to the same standard and has equal opportunity to voice opinions, ideas and grievances without fear of negative recourse. Each team member must treat every other team member as an equal and with love and respect.

 

Leveling the playing field in this manner can often create powerful and unbreakable bonds – it fosters loyalty. When every team member knows that his part is just as important and is given equal standing to the next person’s, it becomes easy to commit. The purpose of the team comes alive and thrives in the harmony of collaboration – in synergy.

 

4. Foster heretics

Killer Teams are notorious for going against the grain – they often observe the masses and do the opposite. As such, even though a team usually has a leader, Killer Teams expect leadership to come from any rank, any position, anywhere. This is why they foster heretics.

 

Killer Teams are always looking for leaders – not just one. Heretics are leaders because they don’t wait for others to make change, they start it and others follow. Heretics abhor the status quos – they are not interested in the discovery from last week, they want to go forth into new frontiers and make the next discovery.

 

The best Killer Teams are usually made up entirely of heretics – leaders. Mindless sheep get left in the pasture while the heretics steal the dawn of the day. While you whine about breakfast, heretics are busy eating your lunch and stealing your supper. Killer Teams are known for beating others to the punch and the reason is that they only recruit innovative and forward-thinking individuals; those that would sooner crush the status quos than live a day by it. Killer Team members only like the status quos because it gives them a new challenge – it gives them a change to champion.

 

Killer Teams are at their best when they are fueled by heretics because there are leaders in every hall making changes and breaking new ground. When you are part of a team that operates this way, you are constantly in a state of inspiration because you see the world anew each and every day.

 

5. Discourage conformists

As Killer Teams foster heretics, something else happens automatically, they discourage conformists. Conformists are those who uphold the status quos – they fight for the status quos. Conformists hate change, they consider most change a threat and that’s why they live in fear.

 

Killer Teams have no use for these types of individuals because they know they won’t bring any creativity or innovation to the table. They will simply do what others are doing without ever giving a thought to change; even in the face of a broken system, conformists will still fight for the status quos.

 

A team of conformists create nothing, build nothing and change nothing. They simply do what they are told or what they are expected to do. There is a place for these people… in an ant hill. Ants are like programmed soldiers – they each have a job that they were born to do and they do it until they die. It’s great for an ant, probably get a medal or a crumb, but very sad for a human being.

 

As one comedian said of our 43rd president and I’ll paraphrase, “conformists do the same thing on Wednesday that they did on Monday, no matter what happened on Tuesday.”

 

Teams that consist of conformists are the teams that are getting killed by Killer Teams. Conformists are managers, not leaders; they manage the assembly line and do exactly as they’re told. Heretics are leaders; they chase all that is considered taboo in the hopes of positive change. Killer Team members are heretics because they thrive on change and crushing the status quos.

 

6. Be A Square

If you want to build a Killer Team or lead one, you must understand and master how to be a square. Ever wonder why it almost always never works when a third party tries to solve problems in a relationship, especially when no request was made for help? These people are usually told to butt out!

 

On a team, one of the worst things you can do is create triangulation in a problem. Triangulating a problem means taking a problem that occurred between and affected two individuals or two groups and inserting a third party to fix the problem. What usually happens is, the conflicting parties end up confessing each other's sins and then the mediator is left in the difficult position of deciding who’s right and who’s erred.  This almost always never ends well – at least one person usually comes out of this situation unhappy.

 

Individuals who build and lead Killer Teams never create triangulation in a problem. Instead, they promote one-on-one Third Alternative resolution. This approach basically says that if you have a conflict with another teammate, you agree to work through the issue together until you reach a resolution that you are both happy with. If a third party is ever inserted into the equation, it would only be because the conflicting parties both agreed that it was best in the course of resolving their issue.

 

When you build and lead a Killer Team, you must commit to being a square with every team member, no triangulation ever unless explicitly requested by both conflicting parties. Be a square and you will always be fair.

 

7. Get out of the way

Many teams have been thrown completely off track when this element gets muddled. It is possible to build and lead a Killer Team only to find that you’ve limited its potential by constantly getting in the way. Part of the reason for adhering to the 6 steps above is so that it makes it very easy for you to follow the 7th.

 

Once your Killer Team is in place and every team member knows what to do, as a leader your job is to now get out of the way. When you remove yourself from every nook and cranny, remarkable things begin to happen. Team members work together, creativity is high and results are astounding. I’ve seen so many talented leaders fail at getting out of the way so badly that the team failed and the mission never got off the ground.

 

I remember once when I was charged to lead a group of about 90 individuals at a company symposium. My task was to lead the team of individuals who were monitoring classrooms and catering to the customers. This by far was one of the most important leadership roles at the symposium. On the morning of the pep rally just before the event got underway, I was scheduled to give my team a pep talk – prepare us for what was ahead.

 

I said many things that morning but one of the most important things I did was recognize the incredible talent that was on my team, plant the seeds of the mission and then stepped aside and watched a well-oiled machine run. The results were, as you can imagine, astounding. I was confident in the tenacity of my team, I knew that it was packed with heretics and experience so I simply shared the mission, gained unanimous consensus with it and then provided a platform for them to execute – I got out of the way.

 

This is often very hard for leaders to do – instead, they try to control every outcome and every process. For the most part though, all they end up doing is managing instead of leading which defeats the entire purpose of building a Killer Team.

 

What kind of team are you on?

So, are you on a team? Where do you think your team falls, Killer or Getting Killed?

 

If you want to build teams that accomplish great things, you must be willing to commit to the 7 steps above. I realize that it may seem like you don’t have much of a choice when it comes to who is on your team, especially if you have a job; however, you can still be a heretic, a leader.

 

You can start your own Killer Team within a team. Perhaps you want to start a Killer Team at work whose sole purpose is to create positive changes in the workplace and stamp out the status quos. Just remember, the top doesn’t always mean the CEO, the top can start with you.

 

 

Killer Series: 7 Steps to the Killer Negotiation

I have seen it explained in many ways and watched it happen on different turfs and more often than not, the posture and position is always the same. People mistakenly enter a negotiation thinking that someone has to win and someone has to lose.

I know that the dictionary’s definition of negotiation states that negotiation is a compromise, a concession, a series of give and take or finding the middle ground. Personally, I think that the dictionary is limited on this subject and is quite shortsighted. There’s more to a negotiation than mediocrity which is where you end up when you seek the middle ground. The middle ground is short-lived because people on one side or both sides harbor resentment for not having achieved what they set out to.

In my view, there is definitely a higher purpose in negotiation and that is to achieve a win/win. A negotiation then, by the Dean L. Forbes definition, is a synergy of two ideas, the beginning of a fruitful and long-lasting relationship; it is a series of give-and-give where the ends meet the desires of both sides.

Many people will say that this view is terribly optimistic and therefore unrealistic BUT I beg to differ because I have had the experience of both and I do know that win/win is always better than win/lose and that win/win is almost always achievable. And, even when win/win is not achievable, there is still a far better option than win/lose.

Following are the 7 Steps to the Killer Negotiation. Study them and put them into practice; I guarantee that once you do you will discover how easy it is to consistently achieve the results you desire. You will see immediate and profoundly positive results in your negotiation skills and your personal growth.

Step #1: Know What You Want

I realize that this first step is obvious and that you surely don’t need lessons in it but in the spirit of being thorough, I’ll cover it anyway. You never know, they may want to publish this material in the “Dummy” book “how to” series.

Ok, where were we? Right… step one.

Before you enter any negotiation, you’d better know exactly what you want and why you want it. This will come up over and over on this website; you need to have a clear mission before you move. Begin with the end in mind at all times so that each move you make will be focused and purposed in achieving your mission. The clearer you are in your mission, the easier it will be for you to navigate a negotiation.

Knowing what you want though is more than just knowing your mission – you also need to know the why so that you can master the right content. Without the why, you won’t know how to process the information surrounding your mission. You will not be able to deliver your goals with clarity and precision. This means that you must answer the question of why you want what you want.

You should know how your mission will benefit you and others; you should know the impact and its significance and you should be able to clearly outline expectations. The last thing you want is to be surprised by any information you might learn during your negotiation – you must be prepared.

Step #2: Foresight is better Than Hindsight

Remember what I said just a line or two ago about being prepared? Well, this is the step where you bullet proof your preparedness. You may have heard the cliché, hindsight is 20/20 BUT I like to believe that foresight is even keener than that.

With the proper research, your foresight could be a magnificent asset in any negotiation. Before you set foot in at the negotiation table, make certain you go the extra mile on reconnaissance (That’s recon for the military junkies).  Find out everything you can about the market in which you are negotiating and know all you can about the other party at the table. The more you know about the other party you are negotiating with, the more you’ll be able to offer.

Armed with this information, you can anticipate questions, concerns and objections and make the necessary adjustments beforehand to accommodate their needs. There is no icebreaker more powerful than providing what is needed without being asked. Performing recon duties will help you tremendously in opening up the other party to your needs.

They will view you as intuitive and considerate and whatever tension was expected to be in the room will have dissipated because of your foresight. Besides, what good is hindsight when the deal is behind you? You want to affect the deal while it’s in front of you.

Step #3: Sit On the Same Side

Many negotiations start with the parties on opposite sides of the table. This is because most people view negotiations as a war between enemies so they sit on opposite sides of each other. They see each other as opponents.

This is not an effective approach because it creates distrust from the onset and those walls become harder to break down as negotiations ensue. A more effective approach is to sit on the same side of the table. This is not a war, you are not enemies and there is nothing to be gained in the others defeat. Instead of viewing the other party as an opponent, view them as partners seeking to help each other and work successfully together.

If you sit on opposite sides, the tone of the negotiation will be inflexible, standoffish and cold. Conversely, if you sit on the same side, the negotiation will suddenly become a conversation between two parties with great respect for each. You can share ideas and seek solutions without the BIG elephant in the room – no tension.

Sitting side by side removes the air of confrontation and introduces an air of camaraderie and cooperation. When you sit on the same side, it means no one is looking for a fight but you are looking for mutual and free exchange of ideas in order to reach the same goal – making each other happy.

Step #4: Understand What They Want First

This step is crucial in every aspect of your personal growth and it’s an essential element of negotiation. This can be a hard step to grasp especially if you are an eager beaver and all you can think about is what you want. In fact, most of the literature I’ve read on negotiation encourages this maxim – focus on what you want so you can convince the other party to give in.

Again – not an effective approach. If you take the position of self-centeredness you will be speaking to a closed audience. The other party won’t be open to listening to you because they don’t feel as if you’ve listened to them – they don’t feel understood.

This is why you must seek first to understand what they want. This means you have to listen emphatically to their desires, needs, goals and concerns. This is not an empty disingenuous portrayal of listening – you actually have to listen so you can truly understand what they want. Further to that, you have to desire to truly listen otherwise, you won’t hear what is being said and even worse, you won’t hear what’s not being said.

When you truly seek to understand, you do not simply listen with the intent to reply or just to go through the motions. You should listen ardently with the intent to empathize and to help; ask follow up questions until you can clearly repeat to the other party exactly what they want and also what their main concerns are. Once you can do that you will be able to clearly point out how what you both want will benefit them and help them achieve their goal.

Step #5: Reveal Your Vision

Once you’ve shown the other party that you understand their needs and goals, they will be more than willing to openly listen to what you want. Now is the time to courageously reveal your vision. I say courageously because even in the face of adversity, you must be willing to put your stake in the ground as long as you believe it will be of benefit to both sides.

Do not let what the other party said sway you from your mission… you can modify your delivery based on what you’ve heard so far in the negotiations but the end in mind remains the same. Passionately and enthusiastically tell them your story – help them visualize why you believe this partnership can be a fruitful one.

Whatever you do, don’t deter from your original vision – the one you prepared so diligently. It may contain some elements that the other party objects to but you can work that out later. The point is to infect them with your fervent delivery – make them see what you see. The more clearly you can do that, the more open they will be.

Step #6: The Third Alternative

Chances are, depending on goals and how effective you were through step 5, the negotiation could be over with both sides walking away happy. However, if there are still some things to fine tune, step 6 and 7 are essential.

The Third Alternative says that you can work together to come up with something better than what you both originally thought of. This means that one party comes to the table with one set of goals and the other with another set that don’t quite meet each other’s expectations. Instead of going for confrontation and win/lose, the third alternative says let’s put our heads and our ideas together to create a better solution than what we thought of individually. In most cases this can be done.

Seeking creative solutions often bring out the best in people. You find that what you thought was important isn’t so important after all when compared to something of higher purpose and value. Seeking the third alternative makes you highly flexible and adaptable and in so doing, no one loses and everyone wins.

Step #7: No Deal is better Than a Raw Deal

What happens if you are unable to reach a consensus? What if there is no third alternative to be had? What do you do when the deal keeps breaking?

I am a big fan of “Win/Win or Walk Away.” The fact is that, no deal is better than a raw deal. At some point you have to be willing to walk away. For me, that point is when one of the parties is about to walk away with the lose side of the deal. I know that it may seem like a lofty goal to always achieve a win/win however, I do think it’s possible and in the cases where it’s not – I believe that the solution is to simply walk away.

Perhaps this is just bad timing. Why sour a budding relationship with a raw deal? At least if you walk away now, you leave the door open to try working together again later. If you allow one party to accept a raw deal, the relationship will be stagnated and the fruits will rot before you are able to enjoy them. If a deal cannot be struck, walk away.

Do YOU Have What It Takes to Become an Effective Negotiator?

I don’t know… do you? This is a question only YOU can answer for you. I wouldn’t presume to make such a prognosis from where I’m sitting. J

What I can tell you for sure is this.

It depends on what you consider effective negotiating. If you think that someone always has to win and the other has to lose, then you are off to a bad start. Many people will and do disagree with my definition of effective negotiation but I can guarantee you that these same people don’t form long-lasting and fruitful relationships with the people with whom they negotiate – I have and I do – even when we don’t reach a deal we can both be happy with the first time around.

So if you want to answer the question honestly, first decide if you believe this approach is the right approach and then commit to living by the principles. Then and only then do I believe you will be able to master the Killer Negotiation.

One thing I won’t tell you is that anyone can do it but I’m willing to bet that anyone smart can do it

What's Worse Than Failure?

Pondering the title of this article, many people may not be able to think of anything worse than failure right away... except perhaps, death. If you think about it for a while though some other thoughts may pop into your head.

For me, this is a profound topic when it comes to living up to your full potential because I know that the fear of failure is quite common. Many people fail to act because they are afraid of failing... or are they?

It's been my experience, more often than not, that many people aren't necessarily afraid of failing per se but are really afraid of the perceived stigma of failure. In other words, they fear the perceived societal backlash of failure. They do not want to see the world look back at them in disapproval or disappointment – they want to be accepted. This perception drives the motivation to stay still because the perception is that if you remain still and do nothing, you won’t fail. The other part that comes with staying still though is that doing nothing also produces nothing, except the status quo.

Fear of failure cause many people to fight hard to keep the status quo. They believe that as long as nothing changes, they have nothing to fear. It is easier to go in the same direction as the current than it is to swim against it – no one wants to be a salmon. The problem with this position is that even though you are afraid of change, change continues to happen around you constantly and sooner or later, you will have to move or get run over. No greatness has ever been achieved without the will to be a salmon – without the courage to observe the masses and do the opposite.

In fact, the history of the world's greatness is built on many failures. The power of failure lies within the lesson. Did you learn anything from your failure and how will you apply what it taught you the next time? You see, your failures only remain just that if you miss the lesson that lies within and there is undoubtedly always a lesson or two that you need to learn in order to achieve success.

Remember that Christopher Columbus was looking for the Far East when he stumbled onto the Caribbean Islands and what is now the United States of America. What an absolute blunder in direction that was? That failure though led to Christopher Columbus' greatness. He never did find the coast of China; however, he passionately pursued is dream and it changed the history of sea explorations forever. He inspired many other explorers through his perseverance and courage.

Another example is Sir Alexander Flemings’ accidental penicillin discovery which came after many failed attempts to find an antiseptic for treating battle wounds that didn’t endanger the patients. Dr. Fleming believed that there had to be a better way to treat the wounds of soldiers without them succumbing to death in the process. Though he was looking for a better antiseptic, he discovered something better – the first antibiotic which revolutionized medicine and how we treat wounds.

Both great men in pursuit of a dream - something they believed in and we would not know their names today had they not taken action.

The point is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with failing as long as you learn from it. In fact, failure is imperative to success and I don't think you can achieve much success if you've never failed at anything. I have personally failed way more times than I have succeeded; however I've always done my best to grasp the lesson and apply it the next time. It may take several tries but what the heck; the fun is in the pursuit of greatness anyway.

So what's worse than failure?

Inaction is far worse than failure... in fact inaction is far worse than anything else you can think of. Just imagine what life is like for a paraplegic and then multiply that by 10,000. They are unable to do much to help themselves – how agonizing do you imagine that is? Now if you are a capable person and you choose inaction – what does that make you? It may sound harsh but I think you’ll agree that makes you a worthless lump. That is of course if you want to achieve success – if you are in pursuit of greatness. If not, be my guest and enjoy the status quo in mediocrity.

It still befuddles (and saddens) me how many people I talk to on a daily basis, who refuse to act out of fear. These are not feeble-minded individuals either; these are well-schooled and smart individuals. The point is that fear of failure cripples you. When you let fear lead, you will always be unable to act. This is why true leadership takes courage because you have to act especially in the face of fear.

I've talked to, counseled and mentored many individuals who refuse to pursue their dreams and goals because they are afraid of the stigma of failing. This happens even when all the tools and resources are available. What I often hear are a myriad of excuses and justifications as to why it's not the right time to act. My answer is always the same "If not now, when?"

When is the right time to act?

This question has a very simple answer; however many people attempt to rationalize why they don't act as opposed to admitting their fear. The right time to act is always when you're ready to – not one minute before or after. Your readiness will depend on your independent thought; on what you believe in and what you desire to achieve. Only you can answer these questions and thus determine your readiness to take action.

Action does not require external stimuli before it happens – that's reaction. What you need is pro-action which requires your readiness and willingness to act because you believe in something. It doesn't matter in what state the world is or how your finances look; if you believe in something and you have a true desire to achieve it, the only thing left to do is to act.

If you choose inaction, nothing will happen. Whatever you believe in and whatever you desire will simply become a fantasy all because you did not act. Your circumstances have nothing to do with the outcome - your choice not to act does.

On the other hand, what if you choose to act on your belief, to go after your desires? It is guaranteed that something will happen if you choose to act. Sure, the outcome may very well be a failure and you may not meet your objectives this time; however, just think of all you will have learned. Additionally, how much fun will you have had in exercising your freedom to choose to follow your dream? This, in my view, is absolutely priceless. Through the many failures I have had, I don’t regret any part of the experiences... they were fun and I learned a whole lot too.

Let me share a scenario of how one little act can make a whole lot of difference.

I was on the subway one morning in New York City when an unstable man came on the train yelling and screaming at another passenger. He threatened to stab her in the head several times and when she ignored him he got even more irate. At this point the man began to make lewd gestures towards other passengers and threatened to stab them as well. As I glanced around the train car I could see how tense everyone was, most ignoring the man and trying hard not to look in his direction. My impulse was to do the same because let's face it, the man was scary.

In my gut though I was feeling a ping - I felt like I had to do something. I believed that what this man was doing was not only wrong but very dangerous. I thought to myself, "What if my daughters were on this train, wouldn't I want someone to do something? Wouldn’t I like to think that I raised them with good character principles that would compel them to do something?" With that thought in mind and the ping in my gut, I decided to act.

Now don't let your imagination run wild, I'm no Jet Li. As much as I played the scene in my head where I took this guy down in 2 moves and subdued him without harming him or anyone else, that's not how it played out... no movie heroics from me. I told you I was scared... just as afraid as any of the other passengers but I wasn't about to let my fear cripple me; I couldn't let it stop me from taking action on something I believed in.

So, instead of movie heroics, I opted for the path of least resistance. Being a big Law & Order fan, I took note of the man's features and what he was wearing right down to the dirty Nike sneakers with the 2 scuff marks on the back of the right heel and the gray jacket with the tear at the rotator-cuff. I then got off the train at the next stop and quickly ran to the station clerk at the booth and got her attention. I explained the situation to her and provided a thorough description of the man while she relayed it to police officers at the next 2 station stops.

Now while there were no movie heroics, the man was pulled off the train by the police 2 stops from where I got off and the threat was no more. Can you imagine the relief of those passengers? I know I would be relieved if I were on that train.

Now imagine if I or someone else did nothing? The situation could have gone so many other ways - many of them unpleasant. This man could have easily lost it and went off on the passengers and then you would only see the news headline that a crazy man went on a rampage and stabbed several people on a New York City subway killing two and injuring nine.

The point of telling you this story is not to paint me as a white knight. It is simply to illustrate the significant difference one simple act can make when you believe in something. I simply acted because I believed it was the right thing to do. I would not have been able to sleep knowing that I did nothing when I know I could have done something, especially if I had to read an awful headline like the fictitious one outlined above. I don't think that would sit well with you either.

I know that I'm beating you in the head with this but if you've read the article to this point, I think you understand why by now. The greatest failure is the failure to act. If you believe in something, if you have a dream and you fail to act, you have suffered the greatest failure and it will remain just that for as long as you choose to do nothing.

In case you haven't gotten it by now... I'll spell it out this way. Failure is a choice and so is success. This is why when you try and fail, you can choose to try again. Choosing to try means you've chosen to accept the possibility of failure. Learning the lessons of your failure and choosing to try again so you can apply those lessons means you've made a choice to succeed. It's all up to you... your choice.

Action in the face of fear is true courage.

Become the CEO of YOU

Are you in control of you? Do you run your life in pursuit of what is most important to you and consistently achieve the results you want?

Most of us would like to say yes to these two questions but how many of us would be right? I’m willing to bet not many. One of the fundamental building blocks of personal growth is to understand who you are, who you want to be and then taking charge of you to ensure that you achieve your goal.

True personal growth requires first, that you, not others or circumstances, be the leader of self and actions. Without this, your direction may be easily skewed causing your road to become circuitous and confusing. Self awareness is the key to becoming the CEO of YOU because in that respect, you are able to not only see yourself as you are now but also use your imagination to project YOU the way you want to be.

Companies have CEOs for a reason… they need someone to lead the company in accomplishing its mission. The CEO is the commander in chief and as such he or she not only has to see the company as it is today but also has to possess the vision to see the company as it will be in the future. The CEO is responsible for making sure that the company’s goals are met by executing its mission in every aspect. He or she is responsible for making sure that all the employees understand and embody that mission in order for the company to succeed. Directing a company is not unlike directing yourself… they both require the same characteristics and commitment to achieve success.

Come with me for a moment on a little tour of self-discovery. Even if you’re certain that you know exactly who you are and that you are the leader of your life, take the trip anyway just to satisfy your curiosity.

Begin With a Personal Mission

What is your purpose, what’s your personal mission in life? First, let me define exactly what I mean by personal mission.

A personal mission is a clear objective that briefly outlines what, how and by what method you intend to accomplish your life’s goals. Your personal mission is derived from your core values and beliefs; it is the navigator in your life’s compass; it gives you clear direction of where you want to go and how you plan to get there. It could easily be formatted into a simple statement or a list of phrases or it could be something like what’s on my about page under the heading Dean’s Personal Mission Statement.

The reason it is absolutely imperative that you not only create but live your personal mission is because otherwise it is easy to get lost and lose your way. Frustration sets in quickly when your mind is cluttered with unclear thoughts and a confusing “things to do” list that gets you no closer to your heart’s desire. I’ve seen so many people get caught up in the “thick of thin things” and end up spiraling down into an abyss of uncertainty because they lack direction.

Think of it in terms of building your dream home. You’ve imagined everything from the color of the walls to the drapes and the family portrait you intend to hang over the fireplace. You’ve hired contractors, landscapers and decorators and everybody shows up ready to go to work and go to work they do. Each team is busier than a bee, hustling and bustling to get your dream home built. Sounds great… right?

Well everything is going great until a very frustrated and confused foreman comes over to you and asks, “So where do you want the master suite?” You look at him with annoyance and reply “Don’t you know?” I told you what I want it to look like, it was in my dream.” The foreman shoots back, “Well I don’t know where to put it because you didn’t give me the blueprint.” Huh! Do you get the point?

Without the blueprint, no one will know where to put anything and your dream home will never see the light of day. This is why before the first stake goes into the ground and before the first nail is driven, a blueprint must be drawn. It is the compass for building your dream home and it is consulted every day before work begins so that the foreman will know exactly where to put your luxurious master suite. You see, it is very possible to be extremely busy doing many things but, without a clear objective, a clear mission, being busy will only get you to nowhere faster.

If you do not know who you are or what your purpose is, you cannot effectively lead yourself; your personal growth will be stunted and you cannot become the CEO of YOU. Without a clear personal mission, you will be relegated to governing your life by the way the wind blows, by what is trendy, by what others are doing or you may simply knock about hoping you end up in the right place at the right time.

It’s no surprise that people who establish clear personal missions often achieve their goals; they understand that being in the right place at the right time is more often than not no accident at all but a conscious decision to follow a plan. They know exactly who they are, exactly where they want to go and exactly how they plan to get there.

Be Proactive not Reactive

Once you have created a clear personal mission, you have to follow through in order to breathe life into it. This means that you will do what it takes to live your personal mission day in and day out. It is a deep commitment that requires consistent work especially since it is much easier to break a promise you’ve made to yourself. Being proactive is the only way to make your personal mission a part of you; it must become the doctrine by which you govern your life.

Being proactive can unleash unimaginable power and creativity. It is not simply a term meaning to take initiative; it goes far deeper than that. Proactive people seek to act, grow and change rather than waiting for others or circumstances to move them. When you are proactive, your decisions and actions are based on your core values. You consciously choose how you respond in any given situation because you understand that your responses are your choices. You do not blame others or circumstances for your situation, that’s reactive. Reactive people are susceptible to making decisions based on other people’s opinion of them or circumstances. Proactive people always affect changes; Reactive people are always affected by changes.

If your personal mission is derived from your core values and you are proactive about living your personal mission, then you can effectively self-lead; you can become the CEO of YOU. You do not move in the direction the wind happens to blow; your actions stem from your core values, your purpose, and your personal mission.

Let’s look at it another way. If you break down the words proactive and reactive, it goes directly to the heart of my point.

Pro, the prefix, by definition means expert or master of something so therefore if you are Pro-active it means you are the master of your activities… the master of your fate; you take full responsibility for your personal growth and development. Conversely, Re, the prefix, by definition means in reference to or regarding something so therefore if you are Re-active it means that you only act when something or someone else acts upon you and not of your own volition.

Leading From the Inside-out

It took a very long time for this to click in my brain but eventually the light bulb turned on – DUH! Often times I have found that people want desperately to lead others but lack the ability to effectively lead self. These are the same people who often wonder why no one listens to them or follows their lead. They blame others for their lack of leadership, their lack of direction… again, reactive people. The plain fact is if you cannot effectively lead self, you cannot effectively lead others because you have no compass, you lack direction.

When you lack direction, the people behind you figure it out soon enough because they eventually get dizzy from the circles in which you’ve taken them. There are not many things more frustrating than following someone who hasn’t a clue where he’s going. It’s like trying to drive to Pittsburgh using directions to Boston… you’ll never make it. If you do not know what your mission is or to where you are going, how will you lead others to where they need to go?

This is why your blueprint has to be clear so that you will know how to proceed. Your personal mission gives you the doctrine on how you lead self which gives rise to how you lead others. Leadership then, begins inside, with you. It is governed by your intrinsic values and beliefs and resonates from the inside-out. When you clearly and proactively live your personal mission others will follow you. And, even those that choose not to follow you will undoubtedly respect you because you know where you stand and so do they.

Smart CEOs do not change the mission of the company because employees do not believe in it. They would sooner fire those employees and hire ones who do believe in the company mission. Likewise, you should not waver in your mission simply because others do not like or believe in it. What matters is what you believe and that your personal mission crystallizes your purpose and catapults you to achieving your goals.

Courage Under Fire

With every action comes a natural consequence albeit positive or negative. Becoming the CEO of YOU requires that you accept this universal, unchanging and natural law. You are not, nor will you ever be the CEO of natural consequences. These consequences will occur whether you want them to or not.

That being said, it is important that you understand, believe in and live your personal mission regardless of the consequences it brings. Accept the natural consequences of your actions and learn to live with them. If your actions are based on values grounded in correct principles then for the most part the natural consequences that come your way will be positive. If, for whatever reason, you do not like the consequences of your choices, you have the freedom and the power to change them.

Having the courage to stand your ground and having the courage to change your stance are actually one in the same. Because your personal mission is clear, you also have the freedom and flexibility to change the way you accomplish it without violating your core values. As long as your choices and your actions are in line with your personal mission, you can be confident in the results and accept the consequences that accompany them.

It takes courage to stand your ground when the ground beneath you seems to be shaking or when others confront or belittle you. When your personal mission comes under fire, fall back on your core values to direct your choices and your actions. Nothing says you are the CEO of YOU more than standing your ground even when it seems like the odds are against you.

As Mohandas Ghandi put it “Be the change you want to see in the world.” If you are still waiting on the world to change before you act, then you are just a reactor with no real purpose. Face it, when was the last time greatness was achieved by waiting around for it to happen? Greatness belongs to those who seize the day and make choice after choice that gets them closer to their ultimate goal. Stop waiting for changes to affect you and start affecting changes.