Powerful Principles of Personal Growth

Overwhelming Lately…

Things been a bit Overwhelming lately? I know what you mean… life can often appear that way. No worries though because no matter how chaotic things might seem right now, it's a great feeling to know that we have the ability to regain control in an instant.

In my experience, whenever things get overwhelming, it usually means that I've misplaced my compass. Somewhere along the path of life, the road got a bit blurry and I went off the calculated route.

In these times, I've always found it helpful and effective to do the following 5 things which always get me right back on track.

1. Take a Breather…

It shouldn't amaze you that most of us don't ever take the time we need to just breathe. I mean really take in a deep breath or two to regain your composure and collect your thoughts. When you're feeling overwhelmed, your thoughts are usually all over the place and you have no clue if you're coming or going.

It is very important just to take a step back and then look at what's happening with fresh eyes. If you find it necessary, have someone you love and trust take a look for you and provide constructive feedback. Sometimes a good talk with a loved one or friend is all you need to put things into perspective.

The challenge that we often run into is the belief that we don't have time to stop and breathe. Nothing could be further from the truth. Trust me, we aren't so important to the grand scheme of moving the world that we can't slow down and reset. In fact, we do the entire world a disservice when we choose not to do this because we cannot operate at our best when we feel like we're drowning.

So, hit pause every once in a while – stop, look and listen and then continue. Trust me; the world will be fine for just a moment without us to run it.

2. Refresh Priorities

Once you've taken a breather, it's the perfect time to re-look at your priorities. Sometimes things become quickly overwhelming because we allow other people's priorities to become ours and it throws us off our game plan.

We all have a way of projecting our interests onto one another; we expect others to support our causes unconditionally. Ideally, that is an incredible thing; however, you just never know what is going on in another person's life. What this means is that it is very important for you to stay focused on your mission no matter what.

There's nothing we can do about other people's choices; however, we certainly have control over how we respond to what life throws at us. We have the ultimate power of choice. In refreshing your priorities, make sure you reevaluate your mission and what it will take to achieve it. Once you've identified your priorities, it is important to simply execute around them without fail.

Of course you can do other things just as long as they don't come at the cost of your true mission. Identify your priorities and stick with them.

3. Communicate Your Intent

This applies especially when you're working with others. Often times when things get overwhelming, there are way too many people involved than there needs to be. Or, at the very least people are involved in ways they ought not to be in order to achieve effective results.

In these situations, it is extremely important that you clearly and concisely communicate your intent. When you're working with others, harmony is derived from effective communication. The more clearly you can communicate what is going on with you along with your expectations, the more impacting the results you'll achieve.

The moment that a group of people working together get on the same page, chaos turns into order. Also, many times when you revisit the mission or goal with the team, you learn things that you didn't know before that may have impeded your success. For instance, people begin having what we call "aha" moments. Often times, the disarray you were feeling quickly evaporates when this happens.

It can be as simple as saying "Hey guys, wait a minute. I thought we were doing X, so how come all of a sudden we're doing Y?" A statement like that makes everyone put on the brakes and allow time for the brain to process and respond accordingly. Once this happens, you can do step number 2 together and Refresh Your Priorities from a team standpoint.

4. Let Some Things Go

It's ok to let some things go. I know that it can seem hard at times to do this; however, think about it deeply for a moment. Why are you holding on to some of the things you are? What is more important?

The point of letting go is to give you more brain power, creativity and tenacity to focus on the things that matter most. You don't have to champion every little thing – just stick to what is important to you.

Sure, do what you can do but don't let things bog you down to the point where you lose your way. It's ok to say NO.

Set your attention on your circle of influence and put your circle of concern on the back burner. Stick with the things upon which you have the most influence – where you can make the most impactful, long-lasting and positive difference.

So often it's the little things that end up overwhelming us and all we have to do is let go. It's that simple.

5. Do Your Best and Forget the Rest

One of the toughest things for people to do is to let go and be ok with it. At the end of the day, you have to simply do what's true for you and learn to live with the consequences. What this means is that as long as you believe in what you are doing; that it represents your core values and you truly believe it's the right thing then ok… just do it and let the rest be.

Whatever you choose to do, just do it to the best of your ability and know that it is good enough. In fact, it's better than good enough, it's the best – YOU are the best.

We all have to deal with the consequences of our choices so just do your best to make good choices and principle says that you will always reap great benefits.

When things get Overwhelming… and they do… practicing these 5 things always help me get back on track. I truly hope that they do the same for you.

From Dean's Library

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7 Keys to Building Successful Relationships

I believe that the single most important thing you can do in this physical existence is to make as many meaningful connections as possible. It has been my experience that the most powerful and significant experiences happen through relationships. Relationships are the glue of the universe – they hold everything together.

If you are not building successful relationships – making meaningful connections in your life, you are not pursuing your potential. You will never achieve the best of you until you make this a priority in your life.

There are in fact three possible stages to our existence – most of us only experience two of them; however, a few experience all three. If your goal is to achieve at the highest level, you must endeavor to reach all three.

The first is Dependence – from the time we are born and up to adulthood, we are dependent on our parents, teachers, etc. for our needs.

The second is Independence – as we grow older, we begin to become more aware of our personal needs and also how to attain them for ourselves. This is the stage where most people stagnate – some even believing that this is the peak of personal growth and development. This is not so.

The third is Interdependence – independent people who are secure in themselves seek out and learn how to work effectively with others. These people are the leaders among us. They understand that in order to achieve at the highest level we must form relationships with others – we must work together to achieve the best results.

This is not to say that you should not work independently – I mean there is no one else helping me to type this article. What I am saying is that learning how to work with others effectively is the pinnacle of excellence. Connection with others leads to more creativity, innovation and greatness than working alone. Forming successful relationships make a significant difference.

Whether personal or professional, there are certain basic elements that work in developing successful relationships. Of course you do not use the same language with your spouse as you would with a business partner. The goal of this article is to arm you with 7 Keys to Building Successful Relationships.

Key #1 – Trust

Without trust relationships are automatically in jeopardy. Trust is the foundation upon which all relationships are built. It may take a lifetime to build up trust but it only takes a moment to shatter it. It is the most important ingredient in a relationship and also the most fragile.

This is why trust is earned over time and continues to build throughout the relationship. Each person involved must be able to trust that you will speak the truth and that you will do what you say you will do.

It is important that you understand that a relationship does not begin with trust, rather it is built on it. In other words the more deposits you make into the trust bank, the more interest you will gain and the more open the other person will become. With each truth that you tell and each deed fulfilled as promised, your trust account will automatically increase.

The caveat is that with only one – misstep – one unfulfilled promise – your trust account could decrease significantly and in some cases completely wiped out.

This does not mean that you cannot make mistakes – these are ok as long as you deal with them appropriately which I will cover later. The point is to make sure that you say what you really mean and do the things you say you will do in order to build and maintain your trust account.

Key #2 – Purpose & Expectation

It is crucial that you know why you are building a relationship with someone. This will help you make better decisions about the things you say and the deeds you promise. When you know why you are in something, you tend to see things much more clearly.

Additionally, it is vital that you understand and know what the expectations are of the relationship. You need to know what to expect from the other person and also what is expected of you. Again, the clearer you are about this, the easier it will be to make the right decisions. One of the worse things that can happen in a relationship is having one party constantly expecting more and always receiving less.

Since purpose and expectation can change as the relationship evolves, it is imperative that you are constantly talking with each other about these. As you grow and change, you must communicate that to the other parties in the relationship so that you all remain on the same page.

This does not have to be a scheduled talk or meeting to discuss purpose and/or expectation. I am simply saying that you should know what you're getting into; I am also saying that when things change, and you'll notice if you're paying attention, you should talk about it.

Key #3 – Responsibility

Each person in a relationship has a responsibility to the other. You are each responsible for what you say and do. In successful relationships it is important that you own your words and your actions and any consequence that comes with them.

This means that when you say or do something that hurts the other person/people in the relationship, you must apologize. It must be genuine – don't do it just to do it. Own what you said or did and then make a heartfelt apology for having said or done it if in fact you did not mean to.

The other side of this could be that you meant to say what you said or do what you did and it might still hurt the other person/people in the relationship. In this case, you must again own what you said and apologize for the hurt you caused by what you said or did. Additionally, you are still responsible to also communicate that you did mean to say or do what you said or did and explain why.

While the others may not agree, they will certainly respect you for telling the truth albeit a hard one. This goes back to Key #1 – trust. You have to be truthful even when it hurts because everyone will be better off in the long run. Of course there is a certain level of sensitivity that goes along with telling hard truths so exercise prudence – do it with love and care. Just make sure that you don't sugar coat the truth.

Key #4 – Accountability

Just as with responsibility, each person in a relationship has accountability to the other. You are each accountable to live up to your words and follow through with your actions. Not only should you hold yourself accountable but each person in the relationship should hold the other accountable as well.

Accountability requires that you give an account of the results of your words and actions. Are you in fact living up to your words? Are your actions in line with what you said you would do?

If these two elements remain out of line without discussion and/or resolution, the relationship will suffer setbacks. If you are not accountable in your relationships, trust quickly goes out the window and purpose and expectation become meaningless.

Key #5 – Open Communication

You have probably heard how important open communication is in order to build successful relationships; the sad thing is most people still don't get it. Not to be harsh or anything; however, in my experience this is true.

Open communication means exactly that – open. It doesn't mean that you discuss every thing about your life with everyone you are building a relationship with. It does mean that you communicate without judgments and assumptions. No subjects, as they pertain to the nature of your relationships, should be taboo.

If you are truly communicating openly, each party must feel safe in expressing himself or herself to the other. Each person needs to believe and know that he or she will not be ridiculed or ostracized for how he or she feels and what he or she thinks. This is what it means to openly communicate.

Key #6 – Unconditional

Anything done on condition creates barriers and limitations. There are certain situations where this is warranted such as allowing convicted felons to receive visitation so long as visitors do not smuggle in contraband. If this happens the convict will lose his right to visitation. In such a case this is fair – a bit extreme of an example; however, it is important to be clear. 

In building successful relationships, all actions must be unconditional – they must come from a place of love and care. If you are on point with all the keys, this becomes a lot easier and perhaps even effortless. Love and support cannot flourish and thrive if they include conditions. If they do, this is more like bartering – I will do this if you will do that.

Unconditional means that what is important to you is important to me because you are important to me. If I believe this then I will love and support you in any way I can because I want you to be happy and I want you to succeed. Not because I will be happy and successful by doing it but simply because I know that you will be.

Unconditional also means that I will tell you the truth and at times refuse to support your ideas or actions if I truly believe that they are to your detriment. I will be able to do this if I have your best interest at heart. Loving and supporting you unconditionally means that I will act in your best interest at all times without expectation of any reward, recognition or compensation in return.

Key #7 – Give & Give

Contrary to popular belief, a successful relationship is not about give and take – it is about give and give. This falls right in line with key #6 – unconditional. In successful relationships, there is no give to get – there is simply GIVE.

The universal and natural law of Give and Receive says, the more you give, the more you will receive. Whether you expect it or not, you will receive it. The reason is that when you give unconditionally, the universe will respond unconditionally returning to you more than what you put out. This is a natural principle that exists in nature.

It stands to reason then that if you give only to get, you will receive very little because you have limited yourself. Without realizing it, you place limitations on your wealth by being stingy with your gifts. If you open your heart and give what you can without expectation, you will get much more in return.

We all receive what we believe and therefore if you believe that unconditional giving will produce abundance in your life, why not do it?

I know what some of you are thinking. What happens if I keep giving and giving in the relationship and I get nothing in return? This usually means one of two things. Either you are not holding the other party accountable or you are out of line on purpose and expectation.

If you want to build successful relationships, you must endeavor to do unto others as you would have them do unto you and do it unconditionally.

How to Use the Keys

Applying the above 7 keys will help you more easily determine where to focus your energies in building successful relationships. Additionally, it is a guide to help you discern whether or not you desire to build a relationship with someone. While forming connections with others is paramount in our personal growth, not everyone is ready or worthy of connecting with you at any given time.

Sometimes, you have to refrain or refuse to build a relationship with someone if your values are not in sync or your growth is hampered. There is no rule that says you can't walk away from a relationship if in fact you are not receiving any fulfillment from it. The point of all relationships is to help us grow and change for the better. If you are in any relationships that are not providing this for you, I have just one piece of advice – GET OUT NOW!

The 7 keys are meant for you to apply to those relationships that you believe in – the ones you know have potential for growth.

Just one more thing…

Personally, I have failed at all of these keys at different times and I have also succeeded at different times. I can say with certainty that it has been when these keys are in alignment that my relationships have flourished the most. In the times that they are not – well – I think you get the picture. 

Here's to your success in building successful relationships – I wish you all the best.

From Dean's Library

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5 Steps in Cultivating Characteristics of Leadership

There are indeed many ways to lead and a lot has been written and taught about the subject. Often times though, the element that is missed is how to cultivate the Characteristics of Leadership.

The goal then of this article is to outline for you 5 steps that ensure you cultivate great leadership at all levels once you put these into practice.

All truly great leaders understand that in order to be an effective leader, you must remain consistent. Regardless of the task at hand or the challenge before you, if the follow a simple set of principles, leadership automatically emerges.

First… I Do It

The first step in cultivating the characteristics of leadership is to lead by example. Great leaders never ask of others what they have not done themselves. So many people attempt to lead others in things and situations in which they've had no experience. This is what we call "the blind leading the blind."

If you do not know where you are going, how can you effectively lead anyone else there?

So, if you do not know how to do something, do not attempt to lead others because you can only lead them astray. You must first do it successfully and then show others how to do it.

 

Second… I Do It and You Watch Me

The second step then is for me to do it and you watch what I do. Once I have completed a task or overcome a challenge successfully, true leadership demands that others watch you do it.

Again, leading by example; very crucial in order to build credibility and trust. People trust leaders is walk their talk. All great leaders know that action inspires others so that allowing people to watch you do something is always a great inspiration.

So, now that you know how to do it, it's time to inspire others by having them watch you do it. Through this part of the process, others get to ask you questions about what and how you were able to do what you did. In essence, their job is to vet you and the process; by doing so, they are empowered to duplicate your efforts.

 

Third… You Do It and I Watch You

The third step then in cultivating the characteristics of leadership is for others to do what you just showed them and this time, you watch. The objective in this part of the process is for you to watch what they do and coach them through the process.

Now that they've seen you and you've answered all their questions, it's important for them to get their hands in it. In doing so, you'll be able to lead them through the process as their coach.

Essentially, this is where leaders help others to perfect the practice. This is where the grasshopper moves to being the master.

 

Fourth… You Do It

The fourth step then is for you to do it. Now that you've mastered the task and/or challenge, it's time for you to do it on your own. Only until you can complete the task or overcome the challenge successfully on your own can you move to the fifth and final step in the process of cultivating the characteristics of leadership.

 

Fifth… You Show Others How to Do It

Now that you've proven yourself a master, it's time to pay it forward. All truly great leaders accept and execute the responsibility of teaching others what they know. They do not hoard knowledge – they spread it.

Essentially, repeat steps 1-4 for someone else and he/she will do the same and so on and so on…

You have no idea how far the ripples will go; however, you are assured that leading in this manner will effectively produce more great leaders more times than you can imagine.

Through the practice of these 5 simple steps, you can cultivate the characteristics of leadership anywhere and at anytime.

Please note: None of these steps are limited to proximity. In other words whether in-person or through some other medium, as long as these 5 steps are communicated and put into practice, the results will be the same.

For example, I have learned a lot watching Anthony Robbins and following many of his examples, yet I have never met him. Further to this point is that I attempt to duplicate many of the leadership characteristics that Gandhi exhibited while he was alive, yet he passed away before I was born.

The point is that in order to cultivate the characteristics of leadership, you do not necessarily have to be in the same room with those you learn from or with those you lead.

From Dean's Library

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7 Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

A while ago, I wrote an article titled, The Secret to Personal Change, wherein I defined and outlined a blueprint for making effective changes in your life. I hope, if you've read it, you really got some value out of it. If not, I highly recommend that you do after reading this one to further put things in perspective for you.

The goal of this article is to bring a deeper sense of realism and relativity to Personal Change. By definition, this type of change is well – PERSONAL. In this vein, I have decided to share some of the powerful lessons that truly helped me to make effective personal changes in my life.

Some of them were really harsh – at least I thought so at the time; however, I wouldn't trade those moments for anything. They have been instrumental in my growth and I am truly grateful.

These lessons are all true examples from my personal experience. I truly hope that you draw some value from these as it pertains to your own journey.

Not quite sure I'm ready for this but here goes…

Powerful Lesson #1: Get off your high horse

One of my major growing pains has been how to remain humble at all times. It's still a struggle for me sometimes because I am just naturally a cocky guy. Seriously, I work on this constantly… SURPRISED?

It's been such a staple part of who I am that on one job interview, the interviewer actually started the interview by saying "Hey Dean, look – I know you're smart, articulate and have excellent communication skills. I mean you're a dynamo and I just know you'd do a great job. There's just one little thing that bothers me about you and I think we ought to clear that up right now. You strike me as just a bit too cocky. What do you have to say about that?"

Can you imagine that being the first statement followed by that question in an interview? Well, it really did happen. I did get the job though… pheww.

Here's one of my greatest lessons in humility – getting knocked off my high horse.

I took a facilitation/presentation skills class once with 2 of my favorite teachers – Chris Baran and Sam Villa. In preparation for this class, they asked us to bring a presentation that we'd be doing in the near future – something we had to get ready for.

The whole time I was preparing, all I kept thinking about was what I was going to wear, what I was going to say, how I was going to look, how I was going to sound and what I was going to do. I, I, I, see a pattern here?

Needless to say that when it was finally my turn to present – I just knew I was going to ace it and look pretty good in front of my teachers and my peers. Not sure how or when it happened but somewhere between good afternoon and I am here to… I totally lost it. I began to lose my train of thought and forget what I was supposed to say. I was so focused on yup – ME – that I totally forgot who the presentation was really for.

To drive home the lesson, Sam suggested that I do the presentation again sitting down. As I started, he asked me to get up and he'd stack another chair on top of my chair. Every 15 seconds or so as I continued to deliver my presentation, he added another chair to the stack. It got to the point where it was totally comical because my feet could no longer reach the ground. I ended up laughing really hard at myself and the whole room had a pretty good laugh at my expense as well.

Once I came down from my high horse, Sam simply said "Dean, it's ok to live down here with the rest of us. It's not about you – it's about them. "You already know your stuff so whenever you deliver your presentation remember that the focus isn't you, it's your audience. You've successfully delivered your presentation when the audience gets it."

Wow… not fun at the beginning but makes perfect sense and it was quite funny by the end. Since that day, I have worked to make sure that not only during presentations but at all times consider others first.

Not that I never ever get on my high horse; however, this is a lesson in personal change I will never forget and always apply to my everyday life.

Powerful Lesson #2: Nobody likes a Mr. Know-it-all

This story comes from an experience I had after getting my first car.

I had just recently picked up my ALMOST new Saab Turbo 9000; very beautiful automobile if you're into cars. A few months after getting it, I was involved in an automobile accident that basically totaled my ALMOST new and vey cool Saab Turbo 9000. (Man was I… well you know. )

The good news here was that the accident was clearly not my fault. Some guy was so busy on his cell phone that he went right through a steady red light and slammed into the passenger side of my ride. It was even scarier because my niece was asleep in the back seat and her father, my brother, was in the front passenger seat. He was not a happy camper – to say the least.

In any case, the police arrived on the scene and began taking statements. As the officer took mine, I explained to him that I was going about 35 mph. Once I said that he repeated what I said back to me saying "So you were going about 30 mph…" To which I said, NO, I said I was doing about 35 mph. To which he again repeated "right, so you were doing about 30 mph…" Once again, in a slightly annoyed tone because I felt I wasn't being heard, I said, NO, I was doing about 35 mph. And this time the officer simply replied "OK, if that's the way you want it."

I didn't realize it at the time but I was shooting myself in the foot. As it turned out, my insurance company paid me in full for the damages to my car; however, I totally missed the boat on the other driver's insurance company.

I ended up getting 50% less than I would have from the other guy's insurance company because the city speed limit is 30 mph and since I insisted I was going 35 mph, I buried myself with my own admission.

Once I realized this, something my father used to say came ringing in my ear… "Sometimes it's better to be thought of as a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." All I had to do was shut my mouth and listen and all would have been fine.

And the moral of this lesson in personal change is – LISTEN, LISTEN, and LISTEN! Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to let other people talk while you simply shut up and listen. This is a key element in effective communication.

Powerful Lesson #3: Do what's true for you and learn to live with the consequences

This was one of the hardest lessons in personal change for me; it's the one that totally changed the course of my life.

For years before I started this blog, I was partners with one of my good friends. We'd started a music production company together – even made some pretty great music. You can check out our last production together here.

Aside from the music business though, we embarked on several more business ventures together. Through it all, there were times when I knew that it wasn't what I really wanted to do; however, I kept saying yes and going along because I felt like I owed it to my friend. Somehow, we became joined at the hip and it made me feel like everything I was going to do had to be with him as my business partner. Even he thought the same and never shied away from letting me know how he felt.

It literally took years before I had the courage to face him and say NO, I have to go my own way. It was through discovering my true purpose that I finally had the confidence and courage to tell my good friend exactly how I felt and what I needed to do. I knew that it would hurt; however, I had finally realized that what I really owed my friend was the truth.

I owed it to myself to be truthful about my desires and I needed to tell him exactly how I felt and live with the consequences. Today, I wouldn't say that we aren't friends anymore; however, things are certainly not like they used to be. We don't talk as much or even at all and we don't hang out together anymore.

The one thing I can tell you is that I haven't regretted telling him the truth and starting my own journey not one day since… it was one of the best decisions I ever made about changing my life.

Powerful Lesson #4: What a hypocrite!

This powerful lesson in personal change definitely hit close and deep for me. It was definitely a major defining moment and milestone in my life.

I am Jamaican by birth; I moved to the United States with my family when I was 12 years old. Where I am from, it is culturally unacceptable to engage in homosexual activity of any kind. In fact, people have been seriously hurt and even killed because of their sexual orientation.

Now, while my parents did not raise me and my siblings to hate anyone for any reason, it was still acceptable for us to be disapproving of homosexuals. No one was going to reprimand us because we didn't like gay people.

There was a time in my life when I openly showed my disapproval and even disdain for homosexuals. This was simply a part of my conditioning. This remained the case until about my mid-twenties when I began working in New York City and experiencing different people and cultures.

Gradually I became more open and tolerant. It was not until I started working for L'Oreal USA in 2003 though that the flood gates really opened. I was suddenly working in an environment where homosexuality was not only tolerated, it was the norm. No one cared about sexual orientation.

I had never really looked back on who I was; at this point in my life I was much more open and tolerant of all individuals. I had read so many books, been to so many places and met so many different people that I had already started to believe that it is ok to be who you are… no matter who you are. You're perfect just the way you are.

The defining moment in all this came one day when I was talking to a group of colleagues and friends and the subject of homosexuality came up. For the most part, the group I was with was not tolerant of homosexuality and wondered how I could work with people who are homosexuals.

It was in this moment, I realized what a HYPOCRITE I had been. Here I was, not only working with homosexuals but many of them were now people I count among my friends. This knowing not only how I used to be but also that I was once a target of intolerance. When I first came to this country, I was frequently the target of racism and indifference. And in true hypocritical form, I had visited this same intolerance and indifference on others because they were different from me.

Yes, I said it – I was a hypocrite indeed!

Today, I no longer hang out with people whom I know are intolerant of anyone just because they are different. I am proud to count all my friends as my friends regardless of whom they are or whom they choose to love. I am blessed with many friends from all different walks of life and for that I am eternally grateful.

This was one of my most powerful lessons in personal change.

Powerful Lesson #5: Do it my way – Hard Knock PhD

If I had to measure my life by the degrees on my wall, I'd have to say I have what I refer to as a PhD in Hard Knocks. This is the corner stone to my personal journey.

While I was a good student – at times even a great student – I decided early on in my undergrad years to forego school and become a student of life. In this vein, I left school after I received my 2-year degree from Kingsborough Community College.

In my gut, I just knew that I wanted more right now and for me, school was not providing what I was thirsting for. It was around this time in my life that I first began my passionate pursuit of personal growth and development.

Hard Knock PhD refers to the numerous and invaluable life lessons I have learned since then. These are the lessons that molded me into the man I am today. I would not be where I am without these lessons.

Through the lessons that life has taught me, I have been able to accomplish many of my goals and achieve success in many ways. I have been able to work on Wall Street and Main Street holding numerous management positions.

There is absolutely nothing special about dropping out of school; however, there is definitely something special in following your spirit. In other words, I did it my way – I used what works for me to achieve the goals that I've set.

It was hard at first to accept the road I'd chosen; I had many harsh critics. My dad was not at all pleased with my decision. In fact, for years, there was this open-ended cliffhanger as to whether or not I'd return to school. It was not until I recognized why I chose to do what I did that it instantly became a breeze. Once I was ok with why I chose to do things the way I did, the rest was simply a matter of choice and execution. There was nothing I couldn't do. Even when many people said NO, I remained positive and in almost every case proved the naysayers wrong.

The bottom line in this lesson of personal change is that while life may bring you many hard knocks, you can keep moving forward as long as you learn from them. One of the greatest assets that I have always had in my arsenal is the power to recognize the lessons of life and learn from them.

Let me put it like this…

While many people put so much stock in the fact that I do not have an undergraduate degree, I never let that fact hold me back.

When I got my job on Wall Street, many naysayers couldn't believe it. When I started working at the top beauty company in the world, many naysayers couldn't believe that either. When I made the seemingly insurmountable leap within this same prestigious company from Finance to Marketing… most were stunned to say the least. In fact, what I was told when I expressed my interest in marketing was that "it simply doesn't happen – no one jumps from Finance to marketing."

Well, I am living proof that it not only can happen – it did happen.

Again, I am not special because I did these things… I am pointing out these examples to help drive the lesson home that life is what you make it not the other way around. I found a way to get where I needed to go by adding value in the best way I knew how. I am a constant student of life and therefore I have become keenly aware of what others need and whenever and wherever I can, I help them get it.

Powerful Lesson #6: Whose story is it anyway?

This lesson comes from one of my great friends and mentor, Ann Mincey. She's been integral to my personal growth and development over the years and I cherish her friendship and guidance.

I first met Ann at a company function in the spring of 2006 (I think ). Although I had heard about her I had never had the opportunity. Also, I was a tag-along to a function I wasn't even officially invited to. This was already a great story in the making.

In any case, when Ann Mincey finally walked through the doors, she made a B-line straight for me. She politely introduced herself and then simply asked "So what's your story and what brought you to us?" I was taken aback for a moment and then realized she was actually waiting for me to respond. She was serious… she wanted to hear my story.

So, I told her and she replied "Thank you and welcome to our family." She followed that up with the most heartwarming hug I had ever received from a stranger. Well, I'm not so sure she was still a stranger by the end of our conversation because that hug made me feel like part of her family.

You see, that is Ann's greatest gift in my view – to make others instantly feel loved like part of her family. She was genuinely interested in me… my story.

This is the moment when I realized how important it is not to project our stories unto others. I learned that in order to truly be of service to others, you must genuinely want to hear and understand their story so that you know how to truly help them.

Ann is my dear friend and I credit her with this powerful lesson in my personal change.

Powerful Lesson #7: Slow your roll

Sometimes you just have to know when to pump your brakes and take a step back. Look at the landscape and understand the terrain before you go charging in.

After accepting a management position in sales, I was charged with ideas of how to grow the business. I was so gong-ho and so driven that I forgot that there were other people with ideas who had been there long before I arrived.

Of course, in true Dean fashion, I charged in full blast trying to get it all done with lots of energy and enthusiasm. Boy were those first few months painful. I was often left wondering "what's going on here? Is it me? Am I doing something wrong?"

All my intentions were good and some of my ideas were pretty good too but I was getting nowhere fast. What the hell was I missing? A screw or two as it turned out.

After a few months of running into a brick wall, one of my team members took me aside and said "Dean, you're great and you have great ideas but you're trying too hard." What's worse is that you're not including anyone else in your plans – you're alienating the most important people, our clients."

All I could think to myself was – DUH!

Here I was busy trying to change the world and I didn't have a clue what our clients were thinking or what they really wanted. I was ready to tell them how we're going to do it; however, I wasn't listening to what they wanted to do.

Of course, after this intervention by my teammate (Thank you Elika), it wasn't hard to see what was wrong with my approach. Once I recognized and changed it and started listening to our client's needs, a lot of things started to go much more smoothly. In fact, with this particular group, our team has a very strong bond and we often achieve results that exceed expectations. All I had to do was slow my roll – another powerful lesson in personal change.

I could probably share some more stories from my experience and I am sure you can think of some from your own. The bottom line is that I truly hope that you got something out of this – I hope that some of my experiences help to put yours in perspective.

I can say with certainty that I have enjoyed my journey; all of these experiences and many more have been great teachers for me. As I continue to learn and grow, I am sure there will be many more to come.

Here's to your greatness and your own Personal Change journey.

 

From Dean's Library

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7 Secrets to Authentic Happiness

I don't know anyone who doesn't want to be happy. I think deep down that is what we all seek. In my experience many people have no clue what Authentic Happiness is let alone what it takes to achieve it.

I have had the great fortune to hang out with and learn from some truly happy people. I have also experienced true happiness. While I don't claim that I am always in a happy mood; I can say with certainty that I am truly happy with my life. Regardless of the challenges that come along – I remain happy.

Have you ever felt like happiness eludes you? Do you sometimes wonder what true happiness is? Perhaps you're just wondering whether or not you are happy or are meant to be happy.

In any case, the purpose of this article is to outline for you what I am calling the 7 Secrets to Authentic Happiness.

Secret#1: Look Within

You may have heard this before and may have even scoffed at the idea; however, this is so simply true. All happiness begins within. If you cannot experience authentic happiness internally, you will never be able to experience it outwardly.

All physical manifestations are a result of our thoughts and belief of those thoughts. Consistently looking outward for happiness is an effort in futility because it's like expecting wake up in the morning and make yourself a cup of coffee without ever having the thought that you're going to make yourself a cup of coffee.

Yes, it's oversimplified but I want you to get the point. All happiness comes from within – it begins with the spiritual and your belief ushers it into fruition.

Secret #2: You're Perfect

That's right – YOU – WE are all perfect! Why?

Because we are all born with the ability to be who we want when we want. There is nothing stopping us. The universe is perfect which means it can only produce perfection. Imperfection only exists because of our lack of awareness of all that is perfect which is everything.

Authentic Happiness requires that you understand, believe and know that you are perfect just the way you are. Since we are able to change our circumstance and conditions at any given time, we are perfect because we can change.

To put it another way, being flawed is perfect. Flaws are just another mechanism of perfection through which we are able to learn new things and grow. Some flaws stick with you longer than others but only because you have not yet thought differently and believed differently about those flaws.

Essentially, we remain the way we are for as long as we continue to believe that it is the way we ought to be. Once we are convicted in the belief that we can, should and will be something different – then and ONLY then will we change.

This is why you are perfect and truly happy people understand, believe and know this.

Secret #3: Everyone Else Is Also Perfect

It might seem obvious; however, I thought it best to overstate it lest we find ego rearing its ugly head. As you are perfect – everyone else is also perfect. Truly happy people not only see themselves as perfect, they see all others exactly the same.

The fact that other people may not realize that they are indeed perfect the way they are is irrelevant to a truly happy person. Truly happy people know that all other people have to do to experience authentic happiness is to see themselves the way that they see them – HAPPY.

Trust me – this one is super hard for me too; There are plenty of people in my circle that I don't think of as happy. I do realize though that until I can see them that way, I will not be truly happy in this aspect.

Whenever I have been able to see in my mind's eye everyone around me; that I come in contact with as happy – truly incredible things happen and it feels amazing.

I'll promise to continue working on this if you will. Deal?

Secret #4: Make a Difference

It's hard to be happy if you don't believe that you make a difference in your life and in the lives of others. No, it's not an ego-centric thing – it's a feel-good thing.

Why else are we here if not to make a difference in people's lives in some way shape or form? Regardless of how we each do it, what would your existence mean if you made no impact.

At the end of your life, what would you want people to say about you? Were you a teacher, a scholar, a mentor, a giver, a doer… what?

It doesn't much matter what your life amounts to as long as you believe and know that you used your true gifts and talents to make you and those around you better. No matter what your profession or business, it's important to make a difference.

Truly happy people don't do anything just to make a living – they do everything to make a difference. Now, let's not be naïve – we all need to make a living because we have physical needs in this physical world that need to be met. The bottom line is that regardless of what we do, making a difference in the lives of others is supremely important for having authentic happiness in your life.

Secret #5: Have a Servant's Heart

Sometimes you'll hear people ask "how can I serve you today" which is great except that most have no idea what it means to truly serve others.

Authentic Happiness requires that you have a servant's heart. In other words, no matter what you do, your goal is to serve others. Some people may think that living a life of service is somehow beneath them; however, truly happy and successful people will tell you differently.

In fact, that is the definition of life for happy and successful people… to live a life of service. To have a servant's heart you must always genuinely seek to create and deliver value for others through your gifts and talents.

Secret #6: Be Grateful

So often we forget to give thanks; show appreciation for what we have. No matter how big or small, it is important to show gratitude for all of our blessings. In fact, truly happy people never ever focus on what they don't have, they focus on giving thanks for what they do have.

In the world of authentic happiness, there is no such thing as "have not."

It's quite simple…

You see if the universe is perfect and you are one with the universe, it means that you are also perfect. If you are perfect then it also means that all things around you are perfect and are such to the degree you believe them to be.

This means that whatever you do not have is simply because you have not yet truly believed that it is already yours. Once you come to that realization and believe it wholeheartedly, your desires will manifest automatically.

Showing gratitude is one sure way to improve your belief about your abundance. The law of gratitude says that the more grateful you are for what you have, the more things you get to be grateful for. How amazing!

Secret #7: All Things Are Possible

Truly happy people believe something that most others don't – that all things are possible. YES, all things – no matter what you think or believe – all things are possible in a perfect universe.

Authentic happiness is about believing in infinite possibilities because different things make different people happy. If you only believe in what is possible for you, it will be hard for you to see others as happy especially if they pursue things that you do not believe are possible.

For instance…

I am not about to stick my head in a lion's mouth just to make you gasp in amazement; however, the guy who truly enjoys that is still happy. Why should I see him as anything else just because he's doing something that I believe is impossible for me. That's called projection.

Just because I see no reason or have no ability to do something doesn't mean it is impossible or meaningless. Possibility lies with your belief. Meaning lies with what we see rather than with what we're looking at.

Well, there you have it… 7 Secrets to Authentic Happiness which of course as you may have realized by now aren't so secret. These are all insights that most of us are familiar with; however, we often forget and need a refresher. I know I often do and I am grateful for reminders.

I truly hope that this helps you to be happier in your everyday life.

 

From Dean's Library

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5 Things I Did to Discover My Purpose in Life

We all have a unique purpose in life – whether we believe or not or know it or not. Each and every one of us is born to deliver greatness to the world. While I have written extensively on finding purpose, I have never shared my personal journey in discovering My Purpose.

I know that it can seem daunting to many to undertake the task of discovering what you were truly meant to do and be; however, once you do – you will want to do nothing else.

Before I discovered my true purpose in life, I had no idea how to go about such a thing. I wish I had had a blueprint to help me. Sure, I had read plenty of books, been to a lot of incredible seminars and rubbed shoulders with who's who in the zoo of personal growth gurus – BUT – I hadn't garnered any results as far as my purpose.

The fact is that even though I was growing and changing for the better for a number of years already, my focus and direction were still very blurry because I had no clue what it all meant or what I was going to do with it all.

Through the whole enjoyable and continuing journey though, there were definitely some things that I can pinpoint as crucial in helping me to discover my purpose.

In hindsight, if I knew then what I know now – I would have been pursuing my purpose a lot longer than I have been. Nothing before it's time though I guess…

So without further adieu – following are 5 Things That I Did to Discover My Purpose in Life.

1. Looked for the common thread

Each of us has a natural affinity towards certain things. So often we don't pay enough attention to these things because we're too busy fulfilling other people's dreams. We get caught up in doing the things we have been conditioned to believe we're supposed to do.

In discovering my purpose, one of the things I did was examined my past and present to see if there were any common threads in the things I did. Additionally, I was looking for clues to the things that I did over and over again in one way or another that not only made me feel great but added value to other people's lives as well.

It took a bit of time; however, I eventually began to see exactly what the most common and fulfilling thread was in all my experiences. I started to see that regardless of where I was and what I was doing in my life, I always found myself in the role of counsel, advisor, trainer and motivator.

It didn't matter what type of job I had; even as far back as my days in Junior high school, I could remember how for whatever reason I gravitated toward helping other people see themselves the way I saw them – BETTER.

I've always been an optimist – Thanks Mom and Dad!

I credit my parents with this because growing up, I was never told that I can't; I was always told that I could do whatever I wanted as long as I put my mind to it. This is to say that the recurring theme of my past and present had been that I loved being involved in developing others and helping them to find their voice.

Here are a few life experiences from my past that illustrated this.

1988 Junior High School I was a brand new Jamaican immigrant in a school where being different was like having the plague. The most ridiculed immigrants at the time were Haitians. Well it just so happens that even after finding out my best friend's secret – THAT HE WAS HALF HAITIAN – I just didn't care no matter what other people said. In fact, I always loved and embraced our differences and learned a lot from my friend. Hanging out with his family I learned how to speak a little Creole and eat delicious Haitian food. I always told him that it didn't matter where he was from or where he was born or lived – it only matters who he is and that we're friends. Of course I don't deserve a medal for that; however, even back then I just saw something better in him that even he saw in himself at the time and since I wasn't raised to be intolerable of others in any way, the fact that he was half Haitian didn't even register on my radar – Who Cares? Ki sa ki nan patnè yo. Kouman ou ye? (Too easy if I tell you; look it up )

 

1998 Iron Horse Productions At one point in my life I was deep into the music game. I was a rapper/producer. Although I didn't realize it at the time, this was when I first started to really train and develop other people. Our team was stocked with young artist all looking to become stars. Now while we didn't break any superstars, we did put out some really great music. Although I was a lead artist on the label, one of the main things I did was help other rappers learn to understand the heart of music and how to interpret it in a way that helps them express themselves more effectively through it. Essentially, I was teaching these young artists the importance of feeling the music and letting it speak to their souls. I also taught them how you express their brand more vividly through their dress, speech and swagger. All of these elements were and still are very important to crystallize as an artist. Most importantly, we had a very talented Trinidadian rapper on the label who had a very hard time properly saying words that started or ended with "th." It really threw off his incredible rhymes. Through a series of exercises and with practice I was able to help him overcome his rapping impediment to the point where unless he really wanted you to know, you couldn't tell he had an accent at all. Basically, I trained and developed our team of artists on skills, personal branding and expression as well as speech. All of which were integral to our success. By the way, my moniker in the music business was Sage and here's a link to the last piece of work my partner and I produced… http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/wizwurkz ENJOY!

 

2009 L'Oreal USA – Redken 5th Avenue By this point in my life I was pretty certain what I wanted to do. I was working for a great company and enjoyed the opportunity to explore many options. 2009 though is the year of the defining moment for me to go full throttle with my purpose. I was selected to lead a group of about 90 people at the largest hair and beauty show in the US – the Redken Symposium in Las Vegas. Never before had I been in charge of such a huge and significant event and with so many people looking to me for leadership. With all that I had learned over the past decade from my mentors, from teachers, from seminars and the gazillion books on personal growth and development I had read – this was the moment that crystallized it all for me. Without going into the nitty gritty of the event – I'll just say that it was a huge success and the team I was charged to lead did an outstanding job. We were so successful that I was invited to rewrite the process for the next Symposium and given a vote on the person that would lead this team in 2011 at the next Symposium. It was after this event in 2009 that I decided to launch my blog so that I could reach more people and positive affect many more lives. It was this event that triggered a passion so deep inside that I instantly knew what my purpose was and what I needed to do to make a difference. Ever since that time in 2009, I have done nothing but find more ways to create and deliver value for others through my gifts and talents and I am absolutely loving it!

These are just a few examples that really stuck out to me. There have been countless other examples with the same common thread and I don't expect that portion to change because I am doing exactly what I am meant to do.

Whether or not my stories mean anything to you is irrelevant – the point I want to really get across is that to discover your true purpose it helps if you can look into your past and present and find some common threads that not only made you feel great but served others as well.

2. Made it a part of my everyday life

Once I found the common thread, I began to make a conscious effort to integrate it in my everyday life as much as possible. I began to consistently look for ways that I could be of service to others.

The best part is that I was doing these things without any expectations of compensation or accolade at all. I just wanted to serve and help others in any way I could through my gifts and talents.

Whenever I was in a situation where I knew I could add value by helping others see themselves better than they did, I jumped at it. Of course I did my best not be an obnoxious know-it-all – (didn't always work ); however, my intentions were always good.

In any case, eventually it got to the point where I didn't have to think about it anymore – it became a habit. Not only was I on autopilot; my reputation preceded me and suddenly, others actually sought me out for help which I was only too happy to provide.

The more I sought to help others find their voice, the more others sought me out to help them find their voice. It was crazy but that's how it happened and still does.

3. Gave the gift of my purpose to others

Once my purpose picked up momentum, I kept feeling like I needed another outlet. As more and more people sought me out for help it became clear that I could even help more people find their voice.

This contemplation is what led to the launch of DeanLForbes.com. I figured that while I was helping people face to face, I could also help others that may be far away or just not available to meet. Also, as my influence grew, I knew I would have the physical capacity to serve everyone in a one-on-one setting.

This blog gave me new voice – a more expansive and far-reaching voice which was just what my purpose needed to take things to the next level. DeanLForbes.com has led to numerous speaking engagements as well as syndication on a top Internet radio show – The Big Corey fresh Show. I did a segment called "Insightful Minutes" with Dean L. Forbes. The show is now off the air since The Big Corey Fresh Show took the UK by storm; however, it was a lot of fun while it lasted.

Since the launch of my blog in 2009, I have received nothing but love and support which I am so grateful for; and the opportunities keep on coming and flowing like a river gone wild. It continues to be an incredible journey.

4. Gave thanks for having it to give

I cannot stop giving thanks for this blessing so I gave it back then and I still keep giving thanks now. The more grateful I am for discovering my purpose, it seems the more opportunities come my way that I get to be grateful for. Everything I do must be in alignment with my purpose.

I will never stop giving thanks for this great gift.

5. Accepted whatever consequences came

As you know, you can't please everyone no matter how much you want to. I realized early on that not everything I did or will do will be accepted by everyone or for that matter even appreciated by everyone.

That's ok with me though because we are all different and furthermore I only care that I truly believe that I am serving others and that in the course of doing so I harm no one. Once those criteria are met, I'm good.

As one of my great teachers always said, "Do what's true for you and learn to live with the consequences." In everything we do and every choice we make there are consequences. All you have to do is make sure that you make choices that are in alignment with correct principles and the consequences you reap will be positive.

Quite frankly, if you aren't happy, sad, laughing, crying or pissed off after you read one of my articles then I am not doing my job. My articles are meant to provoke emotion… to wake you up… make you painfully aware of where you are so that you can see clearer where you want to go.

Sometimes what I write will hurt and other times it will make you feel butterflies but always, my goal is that what I write helps you grow in the most positive and profound ways. If I truly love you then I am ok if acting in your best interest hurts a little or even a lot. I'm good with that.

These are the 5 main things that I did to discover my purpose in life. You may categorize them differently; however, I truly hope that sharing my personal journey to discovering my purpose helps you either find yours or become further convicted in what you've already discovered.

 

From Dean's Library

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21 Powerful Tips to Make Your Everyday Life a Breeze

Even though we don't always know what will come our way on a daily basis; we can choose how we deal with whatever comes. In our everyday life we have the power to choose how we live each and every moment.

Following are 21 powerful tips to make your everyday life a breeze. These are in no particular order and as simple as some of them may seem, they truly work wonders when put into practice.

1. Give Thanks

This is the first and last thing that I practice to do everyday – well most of the time anyway.

Showing gratitude for what you have is a great and uplifting way to start and end your day on a positive note. It puts you in the right mindset so you can be happier throughout the day and have peace of mind when you slumber. The more grateful we are, the more we get to be grateful for.

2. Give You

Give something no one else can – YOU. Just make sure it's the real you, genuine and authentic. We all have a unique greatness to give to the world and the more of that you endeavor to give to the world, the happier you will be.

3. Smile

As my wife so eloquently puts it; S.M.I.L.E. – See More In Life Everyday. Ever notice how when you smile at others, most of the time they smile right back? That's because smiling is contagious and it makes people feel good inside. It releases certain chemicals in the body that just makes you feel so darn good. So just smile and mean it and you'll be happier everyday.

4. Help Someone Else

There's simply nothing more fulfilling than helping someone else to get what he/she wants or needs. Helping others is most powerful when you help without expectation of compensation. That is the true definition of serving others and it always feels incredible.

5. Pay It Forward

Just as helping someone else is fulfilling so is paying it forward. When someone touches your life and you return that gift by touching someone else's, it is truly a beautiful thing. And again, it feels tremendous. Your everyday life will significantly improve if you constantly seek to pay it forward – give back as a way of saying thank you.

6. Laugh at Yourself

Please don't take yourself so seriously. Life is too short so laugh at yourself. When you can laugh at yourself it means that you're not obsessed with perfection and that you realize that you're perfect just the way you are – flawed.

7. Let Stuff Go

This is definitely important for a happier life PERIOD! Many people believe that forgiveness is for the forgiven; however, it really is for the person doing the forgiving. Letting stuff go ensures that you can move on without ill feelings that perpetuate negative emotions. So, just let it go.

We have a rule on my team – doesn't work so well at home right now – BUT – on my team we either address an issue within 24 hours of its occurrence or we agree to let it go without prejudice. One simple rule that works wonders; try it.

8. Keep It Real

Just don't sugar coat things to the point where reality gets watered down. It's ok to be empathetic; however, make sure you still keep it real… say it like it is with kindness and learn to live with the consequences. Believe me; you're better off telling it like it is and living with those consequences than obscuring the real deal and having to deal with the ensuing fall out.

Most importantly, be vigilant about not lying to yourself; especially about who you are. Unless you know and accept who you truly are, you will be hard-pressed to know how to become who you truly want to be.

9. Love More

Way too much hate in the world that sucks up way too much energy that could be used for more positive endeavors. Your everyday life instantly improves in amazing ways when you project nothing but love. Wish the best for all and truly mean it and you'll see far better results that participating in the opposite.

Ever notice how the more down you are the universe works harder to keep you down? And conversely the more up you are, the universe works harder to keep you up? This is the natural law of love so just love more.

10. Judge Less

No assumptions, no preconceived notions and no JUDGEMENT. When you judge, you end up having to make justifications for your position which only leads to more judging which gets very negative very fast.

11. Have Faith

Have faith in yourself, others and in the infinite possibilities of the best of everything. It sounds lofty – I know; however, it is truly a powerful feeling when you make it a habit.

12. Have Fun

This one goes without saying. I mean if you aren't having fun, then you're not smiling and projecting positivity. Just imagine having fun everyday with what you do, where you go and the people you connect with. How awesome would that be?

Have fun and never work a day in your life again.

13. Exercise

Yes, we all know we should do this; however, how many of us really stay consistent. The fact is though that exercising can make you feel so much better about your day. It is an absolute brilliant start to your day because a good workout often puts you in the right mindset to face the rest of the day.

In my experience, I always feel great when I exercise consistently. Conversely, I don't feel so great when I slack off… if you've been there then you know what I mean.

14. Make Lists

Lists help keep you focused throughout your day. As we know, everyday life can throw so many different things at us. Lists help us stay on track and avert chaos.

15. Make Plans

Just as lists are important so are plans. It's interesting to notice how when you know exactly where you're going things always go a lot smoother. When you have a plan, it makes dealing with hiccups much more efficient and effective because you're not all over the place and confused.

16. Promise Less

No need to make so many promises; it doesn't make you a hero – especially if your mouth keeps writing checks that bounce. Making a promise is not as important as doing what needs to be done. You don't need to announce your good deeds; the properties of your deeds will do all the talking for you.

Besides, you could easily ruin your reputation by making promises you are unable to keep; however, no one ever got a bad rep for doing a good deed.

17. Deliver More

Even though you promise less, always deliver more. When you deliver more than is expected people never forget what you did. Not that you expect anything in return; however, this habit always returns more to you than you could have imagined. So, simply put – promise less and deliver more.

18. Follow Your Conscience, Not Your Heart

This might sound strange to you because the popular saying is "follow your heart." The truth is that even when people say that, what they most often mean is "follow your conscience."

This is because the heart governs your emotional center and we all know that our emotions don't always point us to the right thing to do. Emotionally, we are often torn; our conscience though – our spirit is our true compass.

That feeling you get deep down inside when you know something isn't right – that's your conscience speaking to you. Your everyday life will be so much better if you can follow your conscience.

19. Check Your Ego

Ok, Ok, I'm working on it.

Yes, it is not always about you. Most people are so busy thinking about themselves; they don't have time to think about you. Stop believing your own hype and focus on helping other people. Help others get what they want and you will get what you want.

Check your ego and you will learn a lot more through humility.

20. Seek Help

Just as it is important to be humble; it is also important to remember that no one is an island. We can't truly succeed alone so ask for help. There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help. Just be sure you only seek help from qualified people to help you address your needs.

21. Love Yourself

This one is an obvious no-brainer but so often we forget to do it. Many people don't even know what it truly means to love themselves. Essentially, it means accepting, appreciating and approving of whom you truly are. Before you truly love others, you must first love yourself. If you don't love yourself, your everyday life will definitely stink.

Well, there you have it. A simple list that I am sure you can add to easily. These are just 21 tips that came to mind from my experience and the positive results I have been able to achieve through these powerful habits.

I truly hope they help you too.

From Dean's Library

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The True Definition of Faith

A while ago I wrote an article titled "Faith is Not Blind", wherein I stated that there is no such thing as blind faith. While I stand firm on the context in which I explained my thought process, I feel like there was something missed in that article – the True Definition of Faith.

The goal then of this article is to provide a simple outline of what faith truly is and how it works. This way, no matter how it is phrased or said, you will have a crystal clear picture of how it operates in our lives every day.

Let's Define Faith

The first thing to understand is that faith is not a physical thing; it is spiritual. It is an attitude; a state of being in the mind. Faith is not just about our religious experience but rather the DNA of our belief system. Those who have great faith always accomplish more than those who lack faith especially in oneself.

Why is this important?

This is important because in understanding the true definition of faith, we must recognize that simply believing in something does not completely define true faith. To put it simply you must believe period.

In a nutshell, Faith defined is your belief that you know that you know that what you believe IS and therefore unshakable.

I know… a bit tough to grasp. Let's see if we can crystallize for you the application of true faith.

The Principle of Faith

As with all principles – faith is unbiased and unchanging in its function. This means that we are the directors of how faith is applied to our lives. The life's blood of faith must flow from the vessel cultivating it. Just as a match can provide light during darkness or destroy a house; it is so with faith – it depends on who is controlling the vessel.

Let's dig deeper to get a clearer picture…

Negative Faith

Negative faith or misplaced faith emerges when we believe that there is another universal power other than GOOD. To think that one person's prayers are answered and another's ignored is to believe that the universal power that binds us all is one of bias…utterly ridiculous.

I mean, regardless of how you refer to the higher power in which you believe – I am certain you will find that no one believes there is any evil or negativity associated with such a power.

That being true – how then could there be anything but the existence of anything evil when the higher power is Omnipresent and Omnipotent? It's simple then…

Only negative faith – our misplaced faith could cause us to suffer and spread any misery. Simply put, it creates a major conflict in state of mind and being when your belief system is that there is the universal GOODNESS of God and also the universal EVIL of the devil. This means that you believe there is BAD in the world. This is negative faith.

Now, I am not naïve – certainly bad things happen all the time; however, it is not because evil exists, it is because the awareness of good and the leadership to adhere to it is lacking. Thus, where bad things happen, you will find a negative faith – the belief that EVIL exists and manifests on its own.

The truth is that GOOD and EVIL can only come about as a result of our state of mind and being… our level of faith.

Let's look at the flip side…

Positive Faith

Positive faith or rightly placed faith emerges when we believe that there is only one universal power without opposition. When we not only believe but know that we know that there is one universal mind, body and soul from which all thoughts, things and results flow – this is positive faith.

The true definition of faith is to affirm the universal GOODNESS and dispel any thoughts to the opposite. In other words, to overcome all the negativity in the world is to have positive faith.

The main roadblock for most when it comes to this concept is that they do not understand it and therefore find it difficult to believe. It has long been taught that there are opposing forces in the world because of the physical manifestation of man's actions.

This is why it is so imperative to understand and furthermore KNOW that all physical manifestations are born from the spirit of man. The universe only knows to do as we command it and therefore our thoughts and beliefs drive the universes physical manifestations.

The bottom line is that our thoughts and beliefs create the results we achieve.

Now, if you can believe that, imagine what the world would be like if we all also understood, believed and knew that the universal power that binds us all is only GOOD. There is no BAD but that which we create through our negative faith. It is through positive faith that we see the GOOD in our physical manifestations.

Let's look at prayer as an example…

Regardless of how you do it, if you pray with doubt, the results you achieve will be doubtful. Why is it that some prayers seem to be answered and others not? Do you really believe that the all-knowing power in the universe sits on a judge's bench and arbitrarily decides which prayers to answer and which ones not to?

Of course not!

The person who prays with conviction and confidence knowing that he/she has already receive the gifts of prayer will always see his/her goals manifest physically. So then, the opposite is also true; the person who prays with doubt and lack of confidence hoping that he/she receives what is requested may not always see his/her goals manifest physically.

Positive faith means that all good is a foregone conclusion and all that is left to see it manifest is to act in accordance with your faith knowing that the universal power that binds us all will create that which was commanded through faith.

The Application of Faith

There have been many instances in history where strong faith was credited for miraculous events. It cannot be disputed that where faith is strong great things happen.

The application of faith is simple; however, not as easily applied because most of us have been so conditioned to believe that it is limited. In order to apply faith to your life fully, it is crucial that you understand that faith is limitless. Through faith anything is possible and no boundaries exist.

All things are done unto you as you believe – ALL THINGS. This does not mean that we control other people's choices; however, it does mean that we are in control of how we respond to them… a full explanation of this concept is in another article I wrote here.

The true definition of faith says that if we ask, it shall be given to us. What this really means is that our state of being determines what the universe creates for us in the physical. All our needs and desires already exists in the spiritual, we only need demand it through our faith – and belief that the universe will procure it – and it shall be so.

Spiritual matter is all around us waiting to take form as soon as we command it to do so. If you can have positive faith in yourself, in your fellowmen and in the universe, you will see that ALL IS GOOD. This is the way to apply faith.

Faith by Design

Since faith is a principle built upon by belief it is important to understand that we are in control of our convictions. If we can become truly convinced that all that we need is available, then it shall be so.

I know… it sounds too simple BUT – it is true.

Mostly, the problem with this is that the concept of faith is either totally misunderstood or just too hard to believe in its simplicity. Either way, it produces negative and misplaced faith which in turn produces negative and misplaced results.

Faith by design means that we must endeavor to know that we know that all is good; that the universe will procure that which we command without question. He who believes that his prayer will automatically be answered receives as such because he walks in true faith.

When there exists in your mind no contradictions to your faith and you are convinced of its limitless power, then you will see the equivalent manifest in the physical. Faith by Design is no different from Growth by Design – it is a choice – YOUR CHOICE!

Pure faith is spiritual conviction; it means you embody an idea, a concept that is unshakable in its function and application. It is the way of your belief which fuels your faith. Essentially, to believe in any contradiction to your faith is to say that your faith can exist in opposition of itself. This simply cannot be.

The universe cannot oppose itself; this is the reason why all is good – all is available and only through our awareness of and belief that it will procure all our needs will it do so. This is the true definition of faith.

Pure Faith

Since the highest mental attitude of faith is often found in the religious setting, it is important to note that this is also where most often faith is limited. The reason is because more often than not, at least in my experience, the application of religion conditions its followers to believe that they are LESS than the higher power to which they pray.

Pure faith is exactly the opposite; it says that you are the higher power – we are all a part of the universal force that binds us all. This means that we all possess within us the incarnate spirit with the limitless power to create a world of our choosing.

When we believe that we are LESS, we make excuses for not behaving alike the same universal power that we acknowledge. In pure faith you understand and know that the universal truth is no different from the individual truth which is that our state of existence is our doing. If there were any contradictions to this then the universe would destroy itself because it cannot exist in opposition to itself nor can we.

Pure Faith then means that what you receive is not what is given to you but ONLY that which you are aware of, believe and have faith that you can have. In essence we give ourselves everything that we get – we only have to have faith and it shall be so. This is why you have to be careful what you wish for – because you have negative faith and think the worst all the time – that is all you will give yourself.

I truly hope that this article has given you a better understanding of the true definition of faith and that it helps you to achieve your goals.

 

 

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How to Live Life to the Fullest

Life is truly what you make it. There is no mystery to this simple fact – it simply is.

Some of us have never experienced this; others of us have on some level and yes there are some who live life to the fullest all the time. Does it seem impossible to you that it is possible to be happy all the time no matter what is happening?

What would it mean to you if you had a simple guide – a formula – for achieving the happiness you desire virtually every single time?

The goal of this article is to help raise your awareness to and understand the elements necessary to create the life you truly desire. Following are the 5 elements that can help you Live Life to the Fullest when put into practice.

Element #1: Love Yourself

This seems pretty obvious; however, so many miss the boat on it completely. Loving yourself means that you must truly accept, appreciate and approve of the person you are. If, when you look into the mirror, you do not love the person looking back at you, then you must endeavor to change that.

In order to love yourself, you have to pay the price to become the person you truly want to be. There are no shortcuts to this – as long as you behave as someone other than the person you wish to be, you can never truly love yourself.

Element #2: Love Others

Yes, I do mean all others no matter who they might be. Loving others is a key element if you wish to live life to the fullest. It is far better and easier to show love than to exude hate. When I say love others – I mean act lovingly and caringly towards all others – not just a select few.

So, what does this really mean?

Obviously, there will be those you come across that you won't necessarily get along with or click with; perhaps you might even encounter someone else who is downright hateful and full of anger.

Here's the bottom line when it comes to loving others…

It means that you must have the courage to always give others what they need and not necessarily what they want. In other words, although sometimes what a person needs is also what they want, it is not always the case. This means that when you truly act lovingly towards others, you must be willing to love them enough to let them go or tell them "NO" if that is truly in their best interest.

Sometimes the best way to show love is to let people go from our circle so that they can learn some things on their own or simply without you. There's no use maintaining a relationship with someone else if they do not choose to nurture it.

The bottom line is – love others by always treating them the way you wish to be treated.

Element #3: Enjoy What You Do

It is impossible to live life to the fullest if you don't enjoy what you do. In fact what you do is unequivocally linked to your happiness. It is through what we do – how we add value – that we find true fulfillment.

When you are happy in your work you produce happy results for yourself and other people. If you feel miserable about going to work and doing your job when you wake up in the morning, chances are the results you achieve will mirror that feeling. How you feel inside will be projected outwardly on others in some way shape of form.

So, enjoy what you do – this is a crucial element in your pursuit to live life to the fullest.

Element #4: Serve Others

Along with enjoying what you do, it is also important to serve others. Truly successful individuals possess a servant's heart. They understand how to truly serve other people. Regardless of how you serve, what you enjoy doing must be of value to others in some way. Whether it is direct or indirect, adding value to other people is extremely important in your journey to live life to the fullest.

Furthermore, while enjoying what you do is fulfilling; truly serving others provides the opportunity to make a difference – be of significance in the lives of others. Our legacy is based on how we have affected others – not ourselves. This is why it is imperative that what we do affect others in positive ways.

In my experience there is no greater feeling than knowing that you've played a small part in another's success.

Element #5: Pay the Price

Nothing worth having comes without a cost. Living Life to the Fullest is no different. In fact, if it cost you nothing at all, many more people would be doing it. The truth is that the other 4 elements don't matter or will never manifest unless you are willing to pay the price to achieve them.

The price I speak of is not monetary of course, BUT rather your willingness and commitment to doing what it takes to see these elements manifest in your life. Life will always throw you challenges and curve balls – there's nothing we can do about that. How you – we – respond to these challenges and curve balls however, will be the deciding factor in the results we achieve.

The ultimate power of choice says that we have no control over about 10% of the things that happen to us; the other 90% is how we choose to respond to those things. What this means is that in order to live life to the fullest, you must CHOOSE to pay the price.

The price may include but is not limited to your time, diligence, commitment, discipline, etc. Basically, whatever it takes as long as you do no harm to yourself or others.

So what if it's oversimplified?

Get over it!

Yes, I realize that this may seem like an oversimplified outline of what this pursuit will take BUT so what. Sure, there are many more pieces that could be thrown in here and plenty of them can be found on this website. That being said, this is an easy to follow guide to help you get started on your journey to living life to the fullest.

If you can embody these 5 elements, the results you achieve will significantly improve and you will be able to undoubtedly Live Life to the Fullest!

 

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From Coaching to Mentorship

"All mentors are coaches but not all coaches are mentors."

Coaching and Mentorship is definitely not the same thing; each affects you differently because they are different in application. Although these 2 concepts (words) are used interchangeably on a large scale, they are in fact very dissimilar.

The difference between coaching and mentoring is as different as the difference between effectiveness and greatness. While coaching can certainly produce effective results, it is mentorship that produces greatness. This is why the two are different in kind as well as in application.

The overarching principle behind these 2 concepts is SEE-FEEL-DO-GET. It behaves in this manner; the way we SEE things affect how we FEEL which affect what we DO and thus the results we ultimately GET.

Essentially our perception of our environment drives our emotions which fuel our actions and begets the results we see manifested in our lives.

The way in which this principle acts upon coaching and mentorship is simple.

Coaching, while effective, only deals with half of the principle – the DO-GET portion. Its focus is only on half of a person – the part that is physical – the part that executes. When you are able to help someone DO something better than before, obviously you will ultimately yield better results. It is simple logic.

Mentorship on the other hand deals with the whole principle and thus acts upon the whole person. Its focus is on the entire being of a person. In other words, when you mentor someone, your first goal is to cause the person to first SEE himself differently so that he can FEEL differently and therefore DO differently and ultimately GET different results.

You see, a mentor's role is not just to have you improve upon what you are doing but also to improve the way you see yourself. This is what produces true greatness – affecting others in ways that help them not only find their voice but also to courageously express it.

While a coach can effectively help you become a master of your craft on the field, a mentor can help you become the master of your fate – to have control over all your thoughts.

While coaches understand how to play; mentors understand how to think. The bottom line is that if you are able to have better thoughts, you will be able to have better everything else. Better thoughts mean that you SEE, FEEL, DO and GET better – simple.

Some of the greatest teams in history were great because they weren't just coached to be the best – they were mentored into greatness. One of the best examples I have ever seen of a coach making the leap to mentorship is from the movie "Facing the Giants." You can link to the video clip here and see for yourself. It's awesome!

If you watched the video then you'll know exactly what I am talking about. This coach made a giant leap when he put his ego aside to help the best leader on his team recognize the great leadership ability in himself.

You see, mentors don't just help others grow – they help them see themselves as the leaders they were meant to be. I still get goose bumps every time I watch this video or use it in one of my programs.

So, as you can clearly see, coaching and mentorship are two completely different things – both can be effective; however, mentorship builds leaders. While coaching grows your physical prowess, mentorship grows your character.

Some people have said well "when you become better at something, don't you automatically feel better about yourself?"

While this is true, the fact is that when you are simply coached to be physically better at something and you feel better about yourself – you're only feeling better about the self that you are aware of – the one you see.

When you are mentored to be better, you are able to first see yourself in a different and better light so that you are not only improving upon your physicality but also on your mentality, emotionality and spirituality. Through mentorship, you can improve all 4 quotients of the human make up – IQ, EQ, PQ and SQ.

Recognizing the difference as well as understanding the application of coaching and mentorship is extremely important. When you understand what you are looking for you will know better where to look and how to apply each to achieve the best results in your life.

 

 

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The Affirmation of “I AM”

The affirmation of "I AM" reflects the essence of all manifestations in our lives. Essentially, it is the core of the principle of Choice – the ultimate power. It helps to free us from the mindset that anyone or anything else is responsible for our lot in life whether good or bad. It helps us to abandon the mindset of the "perpetual victim" and adopt the mindset of the "perpetual victor."

No matter what you may believe, know or are aware of – natural law – principle cannot fail and it cannot be avoided. It simply is.

"We are who we are and are where we are and are how we are because of the choices we've made."

Thinking otherwise makes no difference as you will continue to bear the consequences of your true thoughts and beliefs – good or bad. It is important to examine our thoughts and our words because we often do not realize how they impact our lives.

Whenever you're feeling stuck; whenever you're feeling down, just repeat and try to embody and believe the following affirmation.

Calling on the "I AM"

I am
I am in control of me
I am who I choose to be
I am where I choose to be
I am how I choose to be
I am the master of my fate
I am the designer of my destiny
I am the programmer of my life
I am all that I am because I choose
I am

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The Nucleus of Personal Growth and Development

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For the 100^th post on your blog, I requested some input, feedback and ideas for possible topics. Many of you responded and I am so grateful. As I read through your responses and pondered some of my own, it hit me. It seems only too relevant that this post is about the Nucleus of Personal Growth and Development.

I chose this topic because every idea I received for topics easily falls under this umbrella. It struck me that there are many people who do want to change in the most positive and profound ways possible; however, many people do not understand where to begin. Not only do a lot of people not understand where to begin – they often don't even possess a true understanding of personal growth and development let alone what to change and how exactly to do it.

While this blog – your blog – is jam packed with information and practical solutions on how to significantly improve your life, it was still missing a main piece of the puzzle as it pertains to helping you understand better what is at the core of personal growth and development.

If you truly want to make a major positive and profound impact on your life, it is imperative that you understand what it truly takes. Though it is a SIMPLE concept overall, experience as shown and taught me that it isn't always EASY.

Here it is in a nutshell…

The success in your pursuits for personal excellence rests with choice… the power of choice is all you need understand and exercise. Choice is grounded in principle – natural law – and therefore affects you and impacts your life whether you believe it or not, know it or not or are aware of it or not. It is no respecter of persons so the only thing that we need to do is exercise it correctly in order to achieve the results we desire.

Following are the 7 principles of choice rooted in the Nucleus of Personal Growth and Development. You may see these categorized differently; however, these are they.

 

 1. Choose Choice over Randomness

Since all things are precipitated by Choice, it is crucial that you first understand that no matter what you want to achieve, you must first choose it. Most individuals function on the "what will be will be" and the "it is what it is" mantra. It is important to recognize that if you want something to happen you have to make it happen. Truly successful individuals operate on the correct principle of "if it is to be it's up to me" and "it is what I've made it."

To be frank, whether you choose choice or not; you've still made a choice. This is what most people do not understand – whether or not you consciously make a choice or not – you've still effectively made a choice even if your choice was not to make one. What happens then is that your life becomes random – maybe it will happen and maybe it won't. The success of your personal growth and development is in jeopardy if you leave it to chance because chances are if you take the random route you will only get random results.

So, choose to choose!

 

2. Choose Awareness over Ignorance

"What you are aware of you can act on; what you are unaware of acts on you."

Awareness is integral to your success because you don't know what you don't know. This means that once you've chosen to choose, you must now choose to increase your awareness. First, you must become more aware of who you truly are so that you will understand better exactly what you need to do to make the changes you wish.

Once again, most people choose ignorance; they simply follow the crowd in the hopes that things will change and then they accept the status quo. And again, remember, as it is with principles; this is still a choice.

Choice simply exists – how we use it is up to us. This means that whether or not you choose to become more aware or remain ignorant, you've still effective made a choice. This is going to seem redundant throughout this article; however, it is necessary to ensure that you fully understand the ultimate power of choice.

Choosing awareness means that you remain open to possibilities and constantly pursue the new. Through increased understanding of yourself and others, you can make more impactful choices that are more beneficial to your personal growth and development.

 

3. Choose Change over Stagnation

"Without change, there can be no growth; without growth, there can be no change."

Following awareness, you must choose change rather than stagnation. Unless you are changing you are not growing. So many individuals complain about their station in life while doing absolutely nothing at all to change it. That is the biggest oxy-moron ever!

Whatever you want to happen you have to make it happen. Personal Growth and Development by definition is all about Change. What most people do is fight to uphold the status quo; these are the individuals that constantly think in terms of "CAN'T" first before "CAN." All truly successful individuals are change agents; they consistently look for ways to change things for the better.

Sure, it's much more popular to stick with the cliché of "If it ain't broke, don't fix it"; however, the truth is that you will achieve much greater results if you thought "I know that this works; however, how can we make it work even better." Truly successful individuals consistently seek add value – to do things better so therefore change is the ultimate result.

 

 4. Choose Thoughts over Things

"All things physical were first spiritual."

So many people focus so much energy on things; usually on the things they do not have while not appreciating the things they do have. Thoughts are way more important than things; in fact, thoughts become things. The reason it is near impossible to manifest things by simply focusing on things is because without true thought; there can be no things to manifest. Things are manifested by thoughts.

First there is thought, which you must truly believe, and then the universe creates that which is truly thought. Focusing on things first then is simply the backward way to go about this. As it pertains to your personal growth and development, it simply means that in order to have the results you desire physically manifest in your life, you must first CHOOSE the true thought of those results. Basically, you must be able to see it in your mind's eye before the first step is taken to achieve it.

Choosing thought over things says that you begin with the end in mind; this is one of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

 

5. Choose Pro-Action over Re-Action

"Reactive people are always affected by change; while proactive people always affect change."

A key component to achieving your goals is to Be Proactive; this is also one of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Proactive people always say "It is what I make it." They believe in taking action towards their goal… they do not believe in half measures and talk. Lip service is for those who choose mediocrity… while action if for those who choose abundance.

When you choose pro-action, you become the true master of your fate. When you choose re-action, other people and circumstance becomes the master of your fate. Essentially, proactive people exercise their true personal power while reactive people give it away to others.

Once again, it doesn't matter which way you choose to go, you're still CHOOSING! This is what you must understand – whether or not you choose to be proactive or reactive – you've made a choice.

 

6. Choose Acceptance over Rejection

This is a "tuffy" for a lot of people and at many different levels of life. It is very important to choose acceptance over rejection. First, you must truly accept yourself – the person you truly are. This goes back to awareness and the fact that only when you've accepted whom you truly are can you effectively choose change for you that is most beneficial and impactful.

With private acceptance also comes public acceptance. The point is that when you first accept the reality of yourself, others and circumstances, you can then make better choices to change things. Acceptance, contrary to popular belief, does not mean settling; it simply means that you receive yourself, others and things as they are and if you like them – keep them – if not change them.

By change, especially when it comes to others, I don't mean change people and I mean change how you deal with people when it is warranted to achieve the results you desire.

Too many of us refuse to accept what is real and opt to live in "la la land" in the hopes that you will never be awaken. These are the sleepwalkers of life… they remain completely withdrawn and dormant because they fear the realness of the world.

The truth is that the world is really your oyster and the universe awaits your command to do your bidding… you have only to choose it.

 

7. Choose Belief over Cynicism

"Belief kills and belief cures."

The success of your personal growth and development while understanding the use of the above 6 principles are necessary, will fizzle away very quickly without the understanding and use of the 7^th – BELIEF! Without belief, true desires cannot manifest.

At the center of every choice is belief; you must believe in what you think, say and do in order to truly manifest the results you desire. Many times, people will even reluctantly commit to trying something in the hopes of proving it won't work. This is the pinnacle of Cynicism.

Instead of thinking "what if it doesn't work", think, "what if it does." The bottom line is that if you don't truly believe in what you do and are going to do, the rest of the 6 principles just won't work in your favor. They will all continue to work; however, your ignorance will cause you to work against them instead of in alignment with them.

That's another thing that is important to understand about principles… they always work in accordance with you because they are not biased. In other words, principles never work against you because they can't. The only time that principles do not work in your favor is when you work against nature – against natural law. Principles manifest what you pour into it so be careful what you truly wish for.

Belief is at the center of the powerful principles of choice because unless you believe, you will never see the ends you desire. Those who wait to see before they believe never see; those who believe before they see never have to wait to see. This is the natural law of belief.

So there you have it – the Nucleus of Personal Growth and Development. Regardless of what challenges you face or hardship you need to overcome, the powerful principles of Choice is your way out – to success.

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Transparently Speaking

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This will probably read more like a rant than an article and I'm ok with that. From time to time I do find it necessary to cleanse by venting. Simply spilling my guts upon you though does not suffice; I must believe that there is some value for you in what I am saying.

Transparently speaking was inspired by my many experiences with different people and the way so many people view the world. This is not to say I have any monopoly on the truth whatsoever – no one does. The fact is though that too many of us keep trying to defy principles in a futile attempt to create dominion over people and things all in the name of the illusion of control.

Seriously – the way the world is shaping up – more of us have to step up to the plate and start creating and delivering some value to it. The time for half measures and talk are over and if you are not part of the solution, you are definitely a part of the problem. As the great author and speaker Stephen R. Covey puts it "the moment you believe the problem is out there; that is the very problem."

I mean c'mon…

There are still too many of us that blame everyone and everything else for our poor station in life. I don't know if the vast majority will ever get past this blockage and see the truth (Doubtful ); but it stands to reason we see so much depression and low self worth among people.

Who am I to judge?

Well, first off I am not judging anyone. Quite frankly we are all flawed and also responsible for each other. It is our responsibility to do our best to help others to do their best. This means that simply saying "I'm not perfect" is no longer good enough. We are all perfect in that we have the ability to pursue who we are truly meant to be and saying "I'm not perfect" is just an excuse to justify our constant failures. No one wins at everything; however true winners never give up because they've failed. Instead, they learn from their mistakes and try again.

Why do we fall? So that we can get up again of course… it might sound trite to you; however, it's still true.

One thing that I'd like to make you painfully aware of in this rant is that no one owes you anything. The world at large owes you nothing! You however (We), do owe the world everything. We all came from the world, regardless of by what process you believe, which means that we should all give back to it.

Expectation is the mother of all disappointments. Stop expecting people to do for you and give to you and start giving to others. Don't be a buffoon about this. Just because you lower your expectation of others doesn't mean you have to lower your standards. In other words, seek out others who have the same or greater standards than you and work with them – follow them. There is no rule that says you have to maintain a relationship with anyone who does not live up to your standards.

In fact, you should empower others to raise their expectations of themselves in a true effort to improve their self standards. You should govern your relationships from within. Once you choose how to spend your energy – live with the consequences of your choice.

Another thing is we all need to give for the sole purpose of giving rather than giving just to receive. The principle already exists that says the more you give, the more you will have. You don't need to think of it before you give because the truth of the principle has no conditions. Giving just to receive goes right back to creating expectations of others to which they don't always live up to which creates disappointment.

By the way, you are the maker of your own fate. Whatever your beliefs might be – this is the principle and it cannot be refuted. You can only break yourself against it but it will remain constant. We all have what we have and are where we are because of the choices we've made.

This isn't a question or a matter of opinion; so do not read it as such. This is the truth whether you are aware of it or not or believe it or not. All things are precipitated by choice. Yes, let's cover the choices of others right now because I know that's where most people go right after I say this. Of course you don't have control over the choices others make; however, you do have control over how you deal with those choices.

Again, stop looking for excuses and loopholes to absolve you for being less than your best. This world requires your best and that's what you owe it. If not your best, then why are you here? If you are not going to make a difference in the lives of others, what purpose do you serve except to serve as the example of what and who not to be? I suppose in that vein, we need you too.

Oh yes, let me not forget the cynics and complainers among us who do nothing but bring us down. Hey look, we have all had bad days – some much worse than others – but what gives you the right to spread your negativity everywhere you go? This has to stop!

Cynics and complainers are usually the same people who live in negativity while doing nothing to change themselves or their circumstance. What's worse is that they often try to convince as many as they can that this is the way the world truly is. The fallacy of it all is that the world isn't simply a physical thing – it is the people first. We make up the world and since we have the power to change ourselves, it could never be that the world simply is the way it is – it is the way we make it. Any other notion is simply foolishness thought of by a moron and spoken on the air of the devil's breath. (If I believed in the devil that is.)

Along with the complainers come the whiners; these are the individuals who constantly say that they can't and then have the audacity to question the poor results they achieve. Give us a break! If you constantly believe that you can't then you won't. It doesn't get much simpler than that.

So many people hate clichés when truthfully they should cling to most such as "what you believe you can achieve." You see a lot of clichés are grounded in true principle – natural law. This is why they always hold true. If you aren't going to do anything about your situation, please do not bombard us with your insistent whining – we don't want to hear it.

In 3 words – SHUT UP ALREADY!

I am also extremely tired of people who say "you need to learn to separate your professional from your personal life." Why put this burden on yourself and others? The vast majority of us spend somewhere in the neighborhood of 70%-80% of our waking hours with our professional colleagues/friends. Why then would you expect or even want people's personal life to be left outside this environment.

If you have a job, then you should know by now that this is a ludicrous proposition. As a matter of fact it is counterproductive. To think that we have to spend so much time disguising who we truly are from the people we work most closely with. And furthermore, to have no personal interest in those you work with only serves to diminish the team – not empower it.

Just to be clear, you are only one person, not two. While there is a time and place for everything, you can still only be one person. This means that you bring your personal life to work, we all do; however, you don't have to bring your baggage. In fact, when people feel the pressure to completely denounce their personal life at work, it creates even more baggage which manifests in the workplace making it harder to function.

No, you shouldn't come to work and air all your dirty laundry – we don't need all that information; however, there is nothing wrong with talking through personal issues with those you work with and trust. The point is that you have the choice. And any entity that tells you otherwise – you should quit immediately (or at least after you find another job.)

On the flip side of this of course are the people you trust at work with your information. For one thing, be smart about it and for the second thing, don't be an ass with people's information. Respect the confidences you are trusted with and treat it the way you would treat your own.

This leads to another thing I want to include in this rant…

Stop gossiping about everyone with everyone. You are a menace and create nothing but unnecessary drama for all involved. I'm not excluded from this pack either because I've done it and it isn't cool – not by a long shot. You should be able to have meaningful dialogue about others and circumstances; however, you shouldn't say anything about anyone to anyone else that you wouldn't say to their faces.

And don't be so damned naïve about your own status. The way people talk about one person is the same way they talk about all others. Someone once asked me "Dean, what do you think people say about you when you leave the room." And I simply answered, the same thing they say about anybody else when they leave the room. The point is that if a person is usually saying positive things about people, chances are they will say positive things about you. If a person is into gossip, you are not immune from the gossip machine so just get over yourself.

Ever heard the term "you are judged by the company you keep?" Ok, so no one has the right to judge anyone else but let's be serious. Where is your value system if all your friends consist of shady characters? No one can tell you whom you should hang with; however, you have to be willing to live with the consequences of your choices. Don't worry about what others think or say when it comes to your circle of friends – they are yours to choose and refuse. Wondering why people see you a certain way because of the company you keep is just a plain waste of time because as long as you hang out with certain people there will be those who view you in the same light they view your friends – good or bad so just deal with it.

On the other hand, when you choose to call someone a friend – just remember that your friendship will never mean as much as when you have to defend your friend in his/her absence. It's sickening to watch the way people allow and even engage in conversations and activities that tear down those they call friends. If you are doing this you are not a friend and your friend would be so much better off without you. This kind of thing happens way too often and it's time to stop it.

Transparently speaking, I have probably left the point of this rant way behind; however; I truly hope that you derive some value from it. As far as I'm concerned, if you're laughing, crying or thinking deeply after you've read this, it's enough – I'm good.

 

Thanks,

Dean.

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The True Definition of Serving Others

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I have been fortunate enough to have incredible teachers and mentors who've taught me so much about the importance of serving others. In fact, I once wrote a brief ode, if you will, dedicated to the first moment I became completely aware of our purpose as it pertains to others.

In my experience, there are definitely certain elements engrained in the true definition of serving others.

The goal of this article is to help you understand what it truly means to be of service to others and how the success of our endeavors is rooted in it.

All truly successful individuals understand and believe that regardless of what we each do, the overarching purpose is to create and deliver value to and for others. Even in achieving your personal goals, they are meaningless if no one is served or better off for you having achieved them.

I know it can sound daunting; a tall order in the eyes of some. This is because of the way many people define true purpose. Most people define their true purpose in terms of serving self and fulfilling self needs first. They look at achieving their goals from the standpoint of what they want only.

Truly successful and highly effective individuals however, see things very differently. They define true purpose from the standpoint of how it benefits others as well as self. If both are not in alignment, the direction of the purpose must change and if need be the purpose itself.

We all have a unique purpose; however, it is important to recognize that no true purpose can supersede the principle of give and give. Simply put, any purpose that does not serve others and self in a positive manner is not a true purpose. True purpose demands that you are not only fulfilled and enriched by what you do but also that others benefit from it. This is the foundation beneath the true definition of serving others.

There are 5 elements engrained in truly being of service to others. Practicing these 5 consistently will not only tremendously improve your personal growth but also the lives of others.

1. Seek to be better

First and foremost, you must be willing to constantly learn and grow. The better you are, the more effective you will be in serving others. The moment you cease to learn, you become obsolete. If you are obsolete, it will be extremely difficult for you to be of benefit to anyone.

If you aren't growing and changing, how can you expect to influence growth and change in others? As Gandhi said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." These words define the principle of growth whereby the more you grow, the more we each grow; the better the world is around us. In order to positively affect that, you must be a part of those who lead by example instead of simply watching from the sidelines.

2. Seek to do better

As you constantly seek to be better, you must also seek to do better. As you grow and change, it is important that you share it with the world around you. There is simply no point in growing if you are not willing to teach others what you've learned. This is a major part of service – sharing and teaching others.

Doing better means that you choose not to stay stagnant; when you have new knowledge, you act on it by applying and teaching. Truly successful individuals know that seeking to do better means that you are in constant pursuit of your potential. Once you hit a milestone, another appears for which you can now reach.

The true definition of serving others requires that we continuously pursue our potential.

3. Think first of others and then yourself

The heart of service demands that you think first of others and then yourself. This doesn't mean that you need to sacrifice your true desires; however, it does mean that whatever you do, you seek to do it in a way that benefits others.

When you make decisions, be sure that it is driven by the right reasons. If your reasons in any way shape or form do harm to others, you should not do it. This can come in varying degrees which means that the more aware you are the better you will be at recognizing when to do what.

Overall, the goal is to simply put others first before you act. The natural law – the principle is that when you help others get what they need your needs will automatically be met. This is the cornerstone of thinking of others first and then yourself.

4. Give others what they need, not what they want

This can often be a hard thing to do because many of us have a great need to be liked by others. In true service to others, it is vital that we endeavor to give others what they need and not what they want.

It's the basic adage of teaching others how to fish rather than constantly giving them a fish. You do way more harm than good when you feed others and never teach them how to feed themselves.

Simply put, what others want is food; what they need is to learn how to cultivate their own crops. Sure, there are extreme cases where this is not as easy as it sounds here; however, I guarantee you that the same principle will hold true. Even as you or I might give to charities around the globe – to starving children – deep down the solution to the problem lies with the people themselves being taught how to produce for themselves. It cannot be disputed or refuted – it simply is.

When you constantly give others what they want instead of what they need, you enable them and create bad habits that become even harder to break later. In essence, you cripple a person's ability to think and do for self and to expect rewards without work.

The true definition of service requires that, even when it is difficult, you give others what they need instead of what they want.

5. Discover your true purpose

Even though you might be able to do some good, you will never be able to create and deliver your unique greatness to others unless you discover your true purpose. This is the only way to serve others in full – you must discover what it is you were born to do. We all have a unique gift – a talent that only we – you can deliver to the world.

It doesn't matter what your passion is – there is a way to use it to create and deliver value to others. I could go on and on here; however, I have already written 2 extensive articles on the topic that I truly believe can help you get started on the right path to discovering your true purpose. They are How to Discover Your True Purpose and The Power of Purpose. My suggestion is to start here if you need a little guidance.

The other 4 elements will become clearer and more focused than ever when you've discovered your true purpose and how to use it in service to others. This is the true definition of serving others.

 

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How to Develop Self Confidence

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This is a topic that has been talked about and written about extensively and yet, it is still one worthy of more examination. This is because if you do not Develop Self Confidence, you will be hard pressed to succeed in your endeavors.

A major reason, why many do not achieve the results they desire, is due to the lack of self confidence. As much that has been said and written about the subject, I feel compelled to visit it yet again by sharing my own insights and experiences.

The goal then of this article is to help you understand the true meaning of and how to develop self confidence through practical application.

Firstly, it is crucial to understand that self confidence comes from within. Yes, I am sure most of you have heard that before; however, let's break down the reason – though simple – it is vital to embody this in order to achieve effective results.

The mere use of the word "self" in front of confidence speaks volumes; Self implies that it comes from you – it's all about what you think. In other words, no matter what others think, say or do, you will not achieve true self confidence unless you truly believe in who you are.

I know – a bit elementary I suppose – but nonetheless important to point out in my book.

This leads me to the very crux of what it takes to develop true self confidence. The heart of this lies in a simple and universal principle called "SEE-FEEL-DO-GET."

Essentially, the principle says that the way we SEE things, affects how we FEEL which affects what we DO which determines the results that we ultimately GET.

It stands to reason then that the level of your self confidence depends entirely upon the way you SEE yourself which will affect how you FEEL about yourself, which will affect what you DO and determine the results you GET.

To develop self confidence then, it means that you need to change the way you SEE yourself, which will change the way you FEEL about yourself, which will change what you DO and change the results you ultimately GET.

Yes, it really is this simple – however, SIMPLE isn't always EASY.

Since we know that simple doesn't always mean easy, let's look at practical ways you can begin your journey to develop self confidence with the greatest degree of efficacy and success.

You need only do one thing in order to achieve the results you desire when it comes to your self confidence.

Change your perception of you

In order to improve your self confidence, you must change the way you see yourself. The way you feel about who you are is directly related to how you perceive YOU. In other words, when you look in the mirror, do you like what you see looking back?

More often than not you will find that you don't because if you did, chances are you wouldn't have a self confidence issue. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you – in fact, I am certain there isn't. It's more about how you see the person looking at you in the mirror.

If you don't like who you are then you must change who you are to someone you do like. Whatever it is you don't like about you – you have the personal power to change it.

Essentially, in order to change the way you feel about who you are, you must first come to terms and be honest about who you are. This means taking a hard look at you and then choosing to accept, appreciate and approve of who you are.

Furthermore, you must endeavor to change anything that you don't like about you; otherwise it will be difficult to change how you feel. Think of the person you would like to be and the characteristics he/she would possess. Do you embody any of these? Are you willing to do what it takes to develop the characteristics you do not embody but would like to?

These are simple questions that are just not always easy to answer because the truth can hurt sometimes; however, this is what you must do in order to truly develop self confidence at the highest level.

Once you are on the road to accepting, appreciating and approving of who you are, your self confidence will greatly improve. To continue your growth, you must then endeavor to know yourself better, give to yourself and love yourself. Remember that other people's opinion of you is none of your business. What matters is what you think of you. This is the pinnacle of self awareness.

If you can effectively change the way you see yourself, you will undoubtedly be able to change how you feel what you do and the results you ultimately get. In fact, as leaders, our main purpose is to help others see themselves they way they ought to be. It is not about control, it is about positive influence to help others find their voice in the midst of all other voices.

To the degree that we can help others find their own unique voice, their growth and success will mirror that degree.

There will always be those who say they can't do this for one reason or another and to those people I say, you are absolutely right. If you think you can't, then who am I to say otherwise?

The point is that anyone smart enough can choose to see himself/herself differently if he/she truly wants to develop self confidence and achieve better results.

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The Audacity of Authenticity

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The Audacity of "Authenticity" is more like a story rather than an article. It is inspired by my experiences over many years as seen through the eyes of an individual constantly in pursuit of personal growth and change.

In my experience, authentic individuals have been way too rare and scarce. To add further injury, so many individuals are completely unaware of their own pretenses or the negative ripple effect it has on others. Some facades have become so embedded in what most consider normal that whenever there is the slightest bit of authenticity injected, some ( too many) perceive this as audacious.

Yes – quite an eye-popper – isn't it?

Authentic leaders are too few and far between and it is the conditioning of the norm that has been the core of this wasteful campaign. It is the societal pressures to be politically correct rather than real; the peer pressure to fit in rather than to simply be you. These are the culprits to which so many of us fall prey and the price is our authenticity.

A major reason why so many "accepted pretenses" run wild and eventually become standard is because they are usually very subtle. To those among us who are unaware, the detriment can prove almost irreversible; to those who are aware but accepting, the detriment is expected but its existence denied. For those of us who are aware or become so through our own personal growth and change, we must endeavor to tip the scale and return the moral balance.

Let's take a deeper look into what I am getting at…

Let's do lunch

I love it when people say this to me upon the conclusion of a meeting; it's even more fun when I call them on it and catch them completely off guard.

Seriously, it's kind of funny BUT not really. This is one of the most widely accepted pretenses which dilute authenticity. After you have said this a few times to people without follow through or accountability, it becomes a bad habit destined to be repeated. What's even worse, the person on the receiving end often expects this gesture to be empty because most of the time – it is.

You'd better believe that if I say let's do lunch, that's what I mean. In fact, I have been known to break out my calendar on the spot to reserve a date. Equally, when such a gesture is made to me, I take it at face value and I do follow up. Sadly, too often in my follow up, I have found that these gestures were in fact empty.

The point is – don't say it unless you really mean it. And furthermore, don't suggest something based on the accepted "canned" response because you think it sounds cool – instead suggest something that you truly believe will create value. Anything less is a waste of time and that's even when all you want to do is "shoot the breeze" and have fun.

Don't get it twisted – no one likes to be pretended to; and whether you are aware of it or not, even the seemingly small pretenses are causing very big problems for you. You may not reap the consequences right away BUT trust me – you will. You may be left wondering why and when you do, remember this story.

I apologize, but…

True authenticity demands that there is no "BUT" following an apology. So often, and I have done this as well, an apology is followed by the justifying "but."

Can it now!

When you apologize, just do it and leave it at that. There is no but to your screw up if you did in fact screw up. Just accept the consequences of your actions. I am not saying that some situations don't warrant giving reasons; however, a lengthy justification as to why you were late for an appointment just isn't necessary. If the bus really broke down then just say that… no need to add "but if I had taken the train, I might have…"

Additionally, don't apologize for your error only to spin it with a "but it's because you didn't…" that's just a backdoor accusation which is insulting. Just think about it for a moment. How can you apologize for something you did wrong by confessing someone else's sins? It doesn't make sense – does it?

In fact, I was talking to friend and colleague once whom I had set an appointment with and forgot to put it on the calendar. When he called me at the appointed time to find out if we were still meeting, I was way across town and there was no way I could get back in time. I had basically double booked myself and got caught with my pants down as they say. What was I supposed to do?

I could have said, "I'm sorry but it's because I forgot to put it in my calendar." Really?

No, I simply said to my friend, "I'm sorry man; forgive me for my poor planning… I feel so bad that I missed our meeting." That was all and then I attempted to reschedule. Later when I spoke to my friend, I reiterated how sorry I was and hoped he'd spare me the pain of hearing him tell me how badly I screwed up. You know what, he did! We moved on quickly as opposed to prolonging the agony with justifications and defensive postures.

I love you too

This one is a biggie when it comes to authenticity. It's so easy to let the words slip right through your lips just because they were said to you. I know that it might hurt the other person if you don't say it back; however, the pain, for both of you, will be a lot worse down the road when the real deal comes to bear.

It simply isn't worth it to say you love someone if you don't truly feel that way. Besides, your actions will tell the real story very soon.

You see, what is important to remember when it comes to love is that it is not a noun BUT rather a verb. Love is not what you say, it's what you do. Saying it should only express what has already been proven through your actions.

This is the core of the Audacity of Authenticity. Your actions must be aligned with what you say – anything less is disingenuous.

I am sure that you can think of many other examples where these "accepted pretenses" are far too prevalent. My story is just to help raise your awareness to this bad habit that we all ought to strive to break.

It is apparent that it is scarce; however, it is also apparent that Authenticity is in great need in our world. Let's aim to be real.

 

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Freedom from Fear

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Let me begin this article by making one thing perfectly clear; Freedom from Fear is an illusion. While we don't fear all things, every person on this planet does fear some things. We have fears we are currently aware of and fears yet still to emerge – there is absolutely no question about it.

The good news is that what does exist is FREEDOM; so while we may never be free from having fear we are certainly free to choose how we deal with these fears. Most often in my experience I find that too many choose inaction because of fear rather than action in spite of it. In fact, many rob themselves and the world of their true greatness because of fear.

Fear is in fact a disease of the mind that causes a great deal of stagnation in many individuals. It promotes the status quo and reinforces conformity rather than leadership.

The goal of this article is to help you understand how to consistently achieve the results you desire despite any fears that you may have. Essentially, it is crucial to understand that Freedom from Fear simply means that you have the freedom to choose how you respond to your fears.

There are 5 essential questions that you need to ask yourself when facing a fear in order to make the most effective choice. Answering these questions honestly and then choosing to act on them accordingly will undoubtedly and significantly improve the results you achieve.

1. What do I fear?

First and foremost you must understand exactly what it is that you fear. If you neither know nor understand what you fear, you cannot effectively deal with it. This is why it is very important to examine your behavior and disposition in an objective and honest manner so that you can accurately assess where you stand. Once you truly understand the nature and/or cause of your fear then you can take the necessary steps to address it.

2. Why do I fear it?

Next, it is equally vital to decipher why you fear what you fear. Knowing why sheds light on the root cause of the issue thereby providing the answer to the very question. Knowing why immediately tells you from what angle to address the issue. In other words, you may simply need to talk through your fear whereas in another case you may need to experience your fear in order to overcome it. Simply put, knowing why fuels the resolution at the optimum level.

3. Is it more beneficial to surrender or conquer?

Not that I can ever think of any reason not to conquer any fear; however, this is still a crucial question to ask. It is important if for no other reason but to truly embody the value of overcoming your fear. You see, while I can see no good reason to surrender to any fear, it is extremely important to be painfully aware of the significant gap between what happens when you choose to surrender versus when you choose to conquer. There can be no comparison in the way you feel or the results you achieve. To conquer your fear is to acknowledge it and choose to act anyway in the pursuit of right and fulfilling action.

4. Does my choice create and deliver value to others?

Freedom from Fear requires that you understand the value that is created and delivered to others when you choose to conquer your fears. As I truly believe that each of us has an overall purpose on this planet to use our unique gifts and talents in ways that serve others. With that said, it is important to ask yourself whether or not your actions despite your fear serve others; if they create and deliver value to others.

Since fear serves no purpose but to hold you back from your true greatness, it is vital to understand how your choice to conquer your fears impacts others. When you can honestly say that choosing to act regardless of any fear you may have truly creates and delivers value to others, your personal power to choose FREEDOM will significantly improve.

5. What is the right thing to do?

This question is on the list for one major reason; if all else fails with the above all you have to do is figure out what the right thing is and then do it. Essentially, if succumbing to fear robs you and the world of your true greatness, then it is not the right thing to do. Yes, I realize that in some cases this is easier said than done; however, it doesn't change the fact that when fear is at the helm, greatness cannot emerge.

While there is always room for fear, there is no room for fear in the cockpit. The bottom line is that at the end of the day, just do the right thing and almost everything else will fall into place. Do what you truly believe is right and then live with the consequences of your choice. More often than not you will find that you've made the best decision.

When you can answer the above 5 questions honestly, you will be much more equipped to make effective choices to conquer your fears. Once you understand that Freedom from Fear is an illusion and that the only true freedom comes from choosing how you respond to your fears, you will begin to see immediate and positive effects in the results you achieve.

In conclusion, it is important to note that not all fears are created equal so it goes without saying that conquering some fears will be harder than others. Additionally, depending on the depth and breadth of your fear, some will take longer than others. The objective of this article is to provide you with a starting point and a practical approach to begin the process of overcoming your fears.

Now get conquering!  

 

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Others

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Ann Mincey, one of my dear friends and incredible mentors once gave me a card that simply read "Others." Puzzled by the blank card with this one simple word inked on it, I asked her, "Why did you give this to me." She humbly replied "Because my pastor gave it to me while expressing his appreciation for my heart and spirit to lift and grow others and now I am passing it on to you because I see the same gift and potential in you."

Wow! That was indeed a deep and abiding moment for us both. I was of course instantly humbled by Ann's expression in her appreciation for the gift of my heart and spirit. That moment further drove home the irrefutable law that our overall purpose, each and every one of us, is to create and distribute value in the service of OTHERS.

It is in this vein that I invite you to truly consider "others" in your choices and actions. Truly successful and highly effective individuals not only understand the true meaning of service, they further grasp the other side of service which is the expectation of others. This simply means that in service, it is crucial that you truly understand whom you are serving, to what end and how to do it effectively so that others derive true benefits.

With that said, the following is a dictum to help you not only understand what to do through your voice but also what to consider through the voice of others before you make choices and take action.

The Voice between You & Others

To serve others is a promise manifested in duality; it considers your voice as well as the voice of others. It behooves us all to not only endeavor to know our voice but also to understand those of others.

See it through the eye of your spirit, feel it upon your heart, act on it within your mind and execute it with your body.

The use of your voice in service to others to help them find their voices is the pinnacle of greatness. For these are sacred promises… LISTEN!

You: I promise to always serve you and act only in your best interest

Others: As long as you also promise never to assume that your interests are also mine

You: I promise to always give you the very best of me

Others: As long as you also promise to always give me what I need and not always what I want

You: I promise to always push you to do your very best

Others: As long as you also promise to always expect the best of me from me and not the best of you from me

You: I promise to always listen actively whenever you express your heart to me

Others: As long as you also promise to always seek first to understand and then to be understood

You: I promise to always offer you my best words of wisdom

Others: As long as you also promise to always wait until requested or ask my permission

You: I promise to always provide you honest feedback when requested

Others: As long as you also promise never to judge me by your standards

You: I promise to always treat you with unconditional love

Others: As long as you also promise to always treat me the way you wish to be treated

If you dug deep, I am sure you could come up with even more voices like the above that would make the point. Just remember to consider not only your voice in service but also the voice of others. Without the consideration of others, it will be impossible to truly create and deliver value that benefits the world.

Love,

Dean

 

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7 Keys to Improving Your Self Esteem

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So many individuals struggle with maintaining a healthy self image. Even worse, most are not even aware that they have a poor self image let alone understand what they need to do to make it better. Instead, they play the blame game where everyone and everything else is at fault except them. Know anyone like this?

Improving your self esteem then, is certainly a topic worthy of discussion and focused thought. So often I come across bright individuals who just can't seem to see the great potential in themselves as others do. Often times, they don't even believe it when I share this with them; most times it is taken as mere empty flattery just to make conversation.

The truth is that everyone has tremendous value within them; whether you are aware of it or not, we are all born with the capacity to create and distribute enormous value. The only sad thing is that most of the people on our planet will not even come close to scratching the surface of their greatness – at least not by the looks of things and certainly not in my lifetime.

Please don't take these forewords to be negative in anyway; they are simply my way of helping you become honestly and perhaps, even painfully, aware of where you are in the spectrum. This is because from my experience, it is extremely difficult to achieve any success in anything if you are not crystal clear on your starting point.

With that said, the goal of this article is to create a blueprint that can help you with improving your self esteem as well as maintaining a healthy self image.

The main reason that people have low self esteem to begin with is not because of what others say or do; it is first because of how they view themselves. In fact, if you are not aware of whom you truly are, at your core, you will be hard pressed to have and/or maintain a healthy self image.

Highly effective individuals understand that it is important to constantly pursue your own self awareness in order to stay in tuned with who you are. I have already written an in-depth article on the pinnacle of self awareness which is a great place to begin your journey of improving your self esteem.

Following are 7 keys to improving your self esteem. If you practice to live these 7 elements consistently, your self image will only get better and you will undoubtedly experience profound and positive changes in the results you achieve.

Key # 1: Aspiration

In order for you to begin to build a healthy self image, you must know what you want it to look like. Think of your best self and then project that into your life. This is your aspiration; your true desire of whom you want to be and become.

To do this, it is important that you accept, appreciate and approve of the person you are right now. Unless you do this it will be very difficult to move and grow beyond this point because you have not acknowledged where you truly are.

Even if you have to look to the exemplary individuals that have touched your life and emulate them in some way that speaks to your core, it is important to aspire to be and become your best self.

Key #2: Inspiration

With great aspiration of whom you want to be and become must come inspiration. Whenever you need a boost, seek out people and things that truly inspire you; that make you want more and better and new and good.

Inspiration enlivens the spirit and awakens the creative senses. It is the stimulator of growth and change; it sits at the forefront of greatness. When you are inspired, you feel on top of the world; as if you can do anything. The world becomes one of infinite possibilities and you feel as though you have a place to show your real stuff. (Maybe that's just me.)

The point is that improving your self esteem and maintaining a healthy self image requires that you are infused and refreshed frequently with the people and things that most inspire you to greater heights. These are the kinds of people and things that make you want to look deep within yourself and pull out your best stuff and nothing less.

As the great beauty company Redken 5^th Avenue puts it in one of their slogans – "Get Inspired. Be Part of it."

Key #3: Motivation

Where you have aspiration and inspiration, Motivation is sure to emerge. Both not only help you stay motivated but also constantly lead you to more things that keep you motivated. It is hard to see yourself in a positive light if there's no fire in your belly. If you do not have something that makes you get out of bed excited to be a part of every morning, your self esteem is guaranteed to suffer one way or another.

Motivation is crucial to building and maintaining a healthy self image which is why it is important to do what you truly love to do. Essentially, the surest way to stay motivated is to discover and pursue your true purpose. Staying highly motivated becomes a cinch when you absolutely love what you do and derive a great sense of fulfillment and worth from it.

In order to make sure you stay motivated, do what you love and be proactive about pursuing it daily – no excuses.

Key #4: Visualization

Just as it is important to be proactive, it's crucial to know exactly where you want to go. In this vein, you must begin with the end in mind – visualize where you want to be before to make the first move. All truly successful individuals create the blueprint first before they ever take the first step.

It doesn't matter how small the goal, it is vital to be crystal clear about the results you wish to achieve. People who know where they want to go have a reason to get up and do something every single day; they always have a mission. When you are motivated by true purpose and you are crystal clear about where you want to go, getting there simply becomes about walking down the path to your goal. It doesn't mean that it is easy to stay the course; however, the process is SIMPLE.

Key #5: Determination

Determined people make it – simple as that. Improving your self esteem requires that you stay determined about your dreams and goals no matter what others say or do or what circumstances come your way.

Your only objective is to remain driven and guided by your true purpose while doing the right things by others in getting there. Too often we veer off course because society doesn't approve or to appease our need to be liked by everyone. It may actually shock you to know that a great majority of people rob themselves and the world of their true greatness because of their overwhelming need to be liked. It's really a sad thing.

Determination, backed by a crystal clear goal and fueled by true purpose is more powerful than you can imagine. I know it may seem like I've gone somewhat off target here where self esteem is concerned; however, I assure you, all this is key to your success.

Ever notice that the more determined you are to stay negative, the universe brings more negativity into your life? And, ever notice the opposite? The more determined you are to stay positive the more the universe brings positivity into your life. This is no coincidence – this is the law of attraction in action.

Just try this simple exercise…

Make it a point tomorrow to simply smile at everyone you come across and see how many smiles you get back. It is an amazing feeling – I know – I've been there.

If you truly believe in whom you are and want to be; if you are truly motivated by true purpose – then stand your ground no matter what and never give up no matter what. Even though sometimes it will be hard, I guarantee that every time you choose to keep moving forward through all the struggles – your self esteem will improve. This is how winners keep winning… they take their licks and keep on ticking.

Key #6: Implementation

Once you've dreamed it and created the blueprint, it's time to take action. Nothing will come to fruition unless you begin to implement your dream. Of course, if you are practicing the first 5 elements, execution becomes so much easier. I know that they say knowing is half the battle; (At least GI Joe used to. ) I happen to believe that knowing is 90% of the battle. You see once you know where you want to go; you have only to walk through the steps.

The euphoria of self esteem cannot last unless you achieve results and if you are not acting on your dreams and goals you cannot do that. This is why it is important to set goals to help keep you focused and on target with the tasks involved in reaching your objective.

Just remember that nothing you want to happen will ever happen unless you make it happen. Even when you believe that your luck brought you your true desire, it can never be true unless you were involved in the making of it.

Key #7: Appreciation

When it's all said and done, it is crucial to always show gratitude for your blessings. When you win, it's important to celebrate; however, it is even more important to give thanks. Be grateful for what you have.

The fact is that the more you show appreciation, the more things you get to appreciate. This is the law of gratitude. Improving your self esteem and maintaining a healthy self image is not just about how you see and treat yourself; it's also about how you see and treat others.

When you can truly appreciate every blessing in your life, you see the world very differently. All things seem possible and the seemingly little pockets of light in your life quickly overwhelms any seemingly massive area of darkness. I know this might sound a bit deep; however, showing gratitude for what you receive is a sure way to improving your self esteem and maintaining a healthy self image.

Appreciation is what keeps the cycle of the other 6 elements going for an infinite and continuous circle of aspiration, inspiration and motivation. You then just have to visualize your goal, stay determined to finish and implement your blueprint by taking action; and whether you achieve your ultimate goal or you miss, remember to show gratitude for what you receive – whether it is a win or a lesson.

Appreciation keeps us grounded and reminds us that we didn't do it on our own.

The practice of these 7 elements will undoubtedly help you quickly and effectively in improving your self esteem.

Feel good about you and see you in the winner's circle.

 

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Fear of Rejection

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"No" is a reflection of the speaker's perception; feeling rejected is a reflection of the receiver's perception.

Many people have a very healthy fear of rejection. In fact, in a majority of cases, it causes afflictions of analysis paralysis that border on incurable. This fear fuels the number one fear of them all which is public humiliation. No one wants to feel rejected and certainly not in public – this is a major issue.

The good news is that analysis paralysis is always curable and your fears can all be dealt with effectively as long as you have the right information, tools and resources.

The goal of this article is to help you understand the fear of rejection and provide you some practical tips to help you deal with it.

First of all your fear is understandable; it is human to avoid rejection at all cost. The main issue with this challenge is that most people do not understand it. It is one of those things that aren't too often explained to your satisfaction. My hope is that through this breakdown, you will have a better understanding of this fear thereby giving you more confidence with which to manage it and ultimately remove it.

The quote above presents a nice summation for understanding this fear. You see when someone tells you "no" or refuses your "offering and/or advances", his/her answer and position have nothing to do with you. No matter what you believe, the fact is that people don't refuse to do things based on others; it is based on something within them.

Certainly, some of his/her consideration rests with you; however, it's not so much about who you are but whom they perceive you to be. It is important to understand, that playing integral roles in a person's responses are conditioning, experience and belief – all of these create his/her perception.

This means that when the answer is no, they aren't rejecting you but rather something within them that is derived from their conditioning, their experiences, their beliefs; their perception.

This is how you should view the person responding in the negative; not having anything to do with you but everything to do with them.

As one of my mentors puts it, "people's opinion of me is none of my business." This is because the only opinion of you that really matters in the long run is the one you have of yourself. If you wish others to see you in a certain way, you must first endeavor to see yourself in that way. Then and only then will you achieve your desire.

Now, once you've understood and accepted it – it will be much easier to understand your feelings as they pertain to rejection. Your fear of rejection then is a direct result of how you perceive yourself. It doesn't matter that you associate this fear with what you believe others might think of you – the fact is that it's all stems from the way you feel about YOU!

What this means is that when someone responds to you in the negative, feeling rejected is a result of your perception of yourself. It is based on your conditioning, your experiences, your beliefs; your perception.

The goal then is to work at truly accepting, appreciating and approving of the authentic you. When you do things; make offerings and/or advances based on your true purpose and what you believe in your core is right, you will be less likely to feel rejected by anyone's negative response. You will be able to simply surmise that your offering is not for this person, be truly thankful for the opportunity to share and graciously move on to someone else whom might need what you have.

To cure your fear of rejection then, you only need be at peace with who you are. It is only when we are not that we feel rejected. Remember that there are different areas of our lives where we experience different levels of confidence; therefore, the level of your fear will differ depending on where you are with your confidence as it relates to the particular area in question at any given time. (Phew – hope that made sense)

The only way to remove your fear of rejection is to remove your rejection of yourself. To do this you only need do 3 things:

1. Accept the authentic you – truly being ok with the person you are while knowing that you always have room to improve.

2. Appreciate your true gifts and talents – know that you are unique and that you have value to add to the world and the people in it. Your offering is different than everyone else's; however, it is still valuable and there are those who need it and only you can provide it.

3. Approve of the person you see in the mirror – no matter what, you have to approve of yourself. If you don't like the person looking back at you in the mirror then take the necessary steps to change you. You will always be able to approve of you once you recognize that you are the master of your fate and that you can be anything and anyone you wish to be.

I have already written extensively on the 3 As so it is a good place to start when you're ready to tackle, manage and ultimately overcome your fear of rejection.

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Crisis Leadership

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Leadership can come from all ranks and also in many different forms; however, no leader is complete without the ability to be effective in Crisis Leadership. In my experience I have known many different types of leaders and not all of them were effective during times of crisis.

Typically, most people go into panic mode when crisis hits; they begin running around like a chicken without a head and then the whole crew follows suit. What usually ends up happening in these instances is that everyone appears very busy doing something; however, not doing much that directly influences results or affects a resolution.

The goal of this article then, is to help raise your awareness to what it takes to lead under pressure and provide some successful tips to help you become more effective in your crisis leadership.

The first thing to understand is that it is during times of crisis that it is most important for authentic leaders to show up. Holding steady during harmonious times and then falling to pieces the moment a wheel falls off the bus is not true leadership. Leaders must remain steady and focused on the challenge at hand at all times. And even if you get rattled, which can happen to anyone, it is crucial that you rise above it quickly and not fall apart in front of your team.

Karen Fuss-Zipp, leader of the #1 professional beauty company in the US (statistic good up to the date of this post) and whom I have had the good fortune and pleasure to work with and learn from is just about the coolest character as I have ever seen when it comes to crisis leadership. She is immovable; during times of crisis where others seem to go to pieces – she remains like a rock. Somehow she is able to stay calm, assess the situation, delegate accordingly and produce great results. She is a phenomenal woman in my opinion.

With that said, experience has taught me that there are 7 key characteristics that effective leaders exhibit during times of crisis.

1. Patience

Effective crisis leaders are always the coolest customers in the room. While others are losing it and panicking, crisis leaders are patiently waiting for the dust to settle. The reason they do this is because it will be extremely difficult to extract any useful information while people are in chaos mode – what I refer to as the fire truck way of operating.

One of the best things that you can do when things start to go haywire is allow others to release the initial high intensity and low intelligence emotions so that they are clearer when it's time to act. This doesn't mean that you allow this to continue indefinitely – just long enough for adequate expression.

2. Stabilizer

While others are busy working on the fire truck; effective crisis leaders understand that it is much more beneficial to work on what I refer to as the golf course. This is why they are the quintessential stabilizers. Crisis Leadership requires that you are able to bring some level of stability to the situation before any action is taken towards resolution. Again the main reason for this is to establish clarity of mind among all parties involved.

The most effective stabilizers are able to maintain the proper composure while at the same time convey the certainty of success once the dust clears. They are able to help others bring the high emotions down and raise the level of intelligence by reassuring them that they are the experts in this situation and that they can undoubtedly handle it.

This of course does not mean that you B.S. people; it means that you must know your team members well enough to be authentic in your reassurance. Any attempt to blow smoke and shovel manure will be met with hopelessness and resentment.

The whole point of the stabilizer is to bring calm to a chaotic situation so that you can work more effectively to produce the desired results.

3. Assessor

Once calm has been brought to the situation, effective leaders move quickly to assess it. They understand that the best way to come up with the best solutions is to deduce exactly what has happened and how it happened. To this end, they begin to look to the leaders among the team to find answers.

Depending on the type of situation, effective crisis leaders work on a strict time table during assessment. The more time sensitive the situation the less people they might consult for assessment. They only consult with the most necessary and directly involved individuals in order to maintain the proper focus. When it comes to crisis, it is better to remain as acute as possible to avoid going off on unnecessary tangents.

Furthermore, successful assessment requires that you know exactly whom to talk to and what to talk to them about. Talking to the wrong people about the wrong subjects during times of crisis could be disastrous. The bottom line is that you need to know your people and exactly what their expertise is – this will always add speed and accuracy to the resolution process.

4. Director

Crisis leadership requires that you are astute at directing people and traffic. When others are in panic mode, it's much harder to have clear direction. Effective crisis leaders are able to calmly and clearly convey directives to others in a way that they best understand what they have to do. Additionally, they are able to effectively streamline different processes by establishing clear time tables and an efficient system of checks and balances.

This is the reason it is so important that you know who your team members are and what they are good at. In fact, even if you don't know this information for each individual, as an effective crisis leader you need to know the people that do. At the end of the day, you must have a system whereby you can easily pinpoint the experts and what they do.

This knowledge will be invaluable in helping you delegate the right tasks to the right people in order to achieve the best results. In fact, one of the greatest strengths of effective leaders is developing other leaders. They do not surround themselves with lackeys and "yes men"; they deliberately look for and cultivate leaders.

5. Affirmer

Before releasing others to task, effective crisis leaders always affirm them. They sincerely and authentically believe that the situation can be resolved and they let others know it. They further understand that in order to achieve the best results, it is crucial that those involved are confident in themselves and also in the rest of the team.

Have you ever been truly affirmed by someone else? When you hear someone say "you can do this – I believe in you" – how does it make you feel?

If it's authentic, I guarantee you that you feel better and more confident almost instantly. Especially in times of crisis, people need to feel confident – they need to believe it is going to be ok. They need real hope in order to bring out the best in them.

The fact of the matter is that whether you are dealing with a crisis or not, it is supremely important to affirm others. This is a key element in building others and helping them to see themselves in a better light.

6. Appreciator

All effective leaders show appreciation of their team at all times. During times of crisis it is even more important. An authentic show of gratitude goes a long way in building others and giving hope to many more. The ripple effect of showing true gratitude for someone else has infinite implications and impact that is beyond your imagination. The law of gratitude says that the more you appreciate what you have, the more you get to appreciate. This means that the opposite is also true; the more you take for granted, the more you lose.

This is why it is so important to recognize people for the talents they bring to the table. Let them know that you are truly grateful for their contribution and that they have true value. Again, don't just make stuff up; be genuine about it – this is what will make the difference. The impact will undoubtedly be profound and positive.

7. Listener

Without this characteristic, it will be extremely difficult for you to fully realize the other 6. All effective leaders know that it is vital that they seek wise and qualified council at all times and that it is even more important to do so in times of crisis.

Crisis leadership requires that you listen closely and with a genuine open mind. As one of my great mentors always says "the intelligence is in the room."

This means that you look to the experts on your team and in your network when you are facing tough situations. The downfall of many leaders is often pride and ego; they begin to think that they are above the people rather than with the people. Effective leaders know that in order to lead people effectively they must stand with them and not above them.

When ego leads, teams fall apart; when humility leads, teams synergize. There is no way around it – this how the natural law works. As one of my other great mentors puts it, "EGO stands for edges greatness out."

Just remember that all effective leaders are great listeners. They deliberately seek out wise and qualified council in order to help them achieve the best results. In times of crisis, it is even more important to truly listen.

Developing these 7 characteristics will undoubtedly help you become much more effective in your crisis leadership. Even at times when your emotions run high, with these characteristics engrained within you – you will be able to evaluate and act more quickly.

 

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How to Positively Change Your Life Right Now

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Among the sea of information available on the different ways to Change Your Life, the one aspect that I have found that is often missed is the simplicity of actually changing your life. What I mean is that there is tons of great information out there on the subject; however, the application of the information is the key to success.

Once you understand the application, you can quite literally begin to affect your life in the most profound and positive ways you can imagine this instant. This isn't a gimmick or some quick fix; like all change, it is a process that takes time. What is important to understand is that you can begin to realize these changes almost instantaneously when you have the correct recipe.

While there are many ways to explain and illustrate how to positively change your life; in my experience, the formula consists of 2 main ingredients. The goal of this article is to raise your awareness to these 2 ingredients and help you discover how to apply them for maximum effect.

Ingredient #1: Think Differently

Thinking differently embodies several different parts. You might find a plethora of resources and materials that essentially drive home the point that "thoughts are things." In principle, this of course is true; however, once again the true application if most often misunderstood.

If you wish to positively change your life right now, you must first endeavor to think differently. Your goal is to remove all negative, dejecting, dismissive, passive and disempowering thoughts in your mind and replace them with just the opposite. Essentially, you need to rewrite your programming. The following is a quick guideline to help you get started with this way of thinking.

Think positively – in all instances where you would normally have a negative thought, force yourself to find the positive aspect to think about. Even if the positive is small, focus on that and center your thoughts on the positive aspects only. When you speak your thoughts, only release the positive ones. You are the master of your thoughts and thus you can change them at any time you wish. If need be, close your eyes and tell your brain to stop the negative thoughts and then go to the positive ones.

Think the best of you – whenever you look in the mirror, see only the best of you. I am not saying you should kid yourself and think that you are a rock star if you can't sing; however, you should think that if you really wanted to be a rock star, you'd know exactly what to do to make it happen. The point is to master your little voice that tells you that you are not enough and tell it to go to hell. You are the master of your fate and you are whatever you think you are.

Think the best of others – no matter how easy it seems to pass judgment and make fun of others – do the opposite. Find something that is great about each person you know and meet and think of that only. When you seek only the best in others, you immediately bring out the best in them and simultaneously the best in you. Thinking only of the best in others draws only the best towards you. For example, if all you ever think about are the negative people around you and how negative they are, all you will have in your circle are more negative people.

The objective of this exercise to help you begin to change your negative thinking; it may not be easy – however, the process is simple. Just remember that even though in principle thoughts are in fact things, they do not become things until you truly believe that they will… more on that in a bit.

In application of changing your thinking, it is a quest to change what comes to your mind in any given situation. The point is to practice thinking positively until it becomes a habit. You actually have to make a conscious choice to think differently. This is the part that most people miss so often. Thinking differently is in fact a choice and one that you must make consciously before it begins to truly happen.

Ingredient #2: Believe Differently

Walking hand-in-hand with thinking differently is believing differently. The fact is that it will be impossible to positively change your life right now unless you believe what you think. Remember what we said about thoughts becoming things? This is the second part of the equation.

While it is true in principle that thoughts become things, they cannot do so until you believe that they will. Only when you believe will you see your desires come to fruition.

Once you have rewritten the programming of your thoughts, you must then endeavor to actually believe the thoughts that you are thinking. You see in order to actually change your life, you must generate on the same frequency of the change you desire. In order to get to the level of vibration you desire, your thinking and your belief must be in alignment.

Believing differently means that you must begin to see yourself, others and the world through a new set of eyes. Whatever your preconditions have been; whatever your perceptions, you must be willing to discard them. This means that you must believe and embrace limitless possibilities. When you begin to believe that all things are possible, your thoughts will begin to inspire action that lead to the results you truly desire.

When thoughts and beliefs align in perfect harmony, inspired action leading to tremendous success is the result. The bottom line is that if in order to positively change your life right now, you must believe what you think.

Sure, it might seem like a tall order; however, think of it this way…

Look at your life now – truly examine it and be honest with yourself. Look at the negative things within it and then think about what your thoughts usually are and whether or not you actually believe those thoughts. I think that if you did this honestly, you would most certainly find that more often than not, you thought negatively and furthermore you actually believed your negative thoughts. It stands to reason then that you would certainly continue to derive negative results from these negative thoughts and your belief in them.

This is the point… it is a principle of course which means it isn't biased. The principle simply says that what we think and thus believe manifest in our physical world. It doesn't matter if it's negative or positive; so long as we think and believe it, it will indeed manifest.

So, when you think positive thoughts, all you have to do is truly believe in them and you will manifest positive results in your physical world. This is what it means to believe differently.

Immediate Results

It is guaranteed that once you begin to think and believe differently, you will instantly see the change in your life. The reason this is no quick fix is because depending on how long you've thought and believed what you have – it will take time to rewrite the program and believe in the new one.

The results you achieve will directly mirror your level of positive thinking and belief – no more and no less. This is why you see immediate results; because the universe – the natural law – principles have no favorites. They simply deliver to you what you need based on what you think and believe.

Begin the practice of positive thinking and genuine belief in that thinking today and watch your success explode. Once the application of these 2 powerful ingredients become habits, you will undoubtedly always see profound and positive changes manifesting around you.

Just remember that you are the master of your fate and you can rewrite the program and believe in it too!

 

 

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Coping with Change

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Change is a constant occurrence that we must all deal with whether we desire to or not. Coping With Change then, is certainly a very important skill to develop and improve upon in order to be effective. Sadly, the vast majority of human beings on our little planet abhor change and fight feverishly to uphold the status quo. This is why so many of us are often frustrated by change and so affected by the effects of it.

The truth is that since change is a principle that is ever happening whether to you, around you or by you, it is essentially inevitable and everlasting. This being said, effective people understand that learning how to cope with changes is crucial to their success and helping others achieve success.

Furthermore, it has been my experience that a large portion of the frustration that comes with change has to do more with the ignorance of others in dealing with changes. Basically, many, many people are clueless in how to deal with changes. And quite frankly, most, if not all, of us suck at dealing with changes in different areas of our lives.

Of course, this is not all bad since anyone has the capacity to learn and understand how to deal with change.

The goal of this article is to outline for you the most effective habits in coping with change in a practical manner. I am not saying that you will always deal with change effectively – BUT – I am saying that when you process and apply these 6 habits, you will virtually achieve the results you desire every single time.

Coping with change involves two main elements; the process and the application. The first 3 habits help you understand how to process change and the second 3 habits help you understand how to apply change.

Habit #1: Seek Change

Most people do a lot of talking about change but most do very little to facilitate change. Highly effective people understand the importance of constantly seeking change; they understand that only through change can you grow.

This means that seeking change is vital to your personal growth; unless you are willing to change, there can be no growth. The first step in coping with change is to first be a part of the group who seeks to change.

It doesn't mean that you should flip flop on your core values and beliefs but rather seek out and affect the type of changes that exemplify them and strengthen you in your convictions. Additionally, in the pursuit of change, you will often come to see the world more openly and any update to your core values and beliefs will most certainly be positive – this is organic evolution at its finest.

Habit #2: Accept Change

The second habit in coping with change is accepting it for better or worse. Sure, it is easy to accept change when the change is the one you want. More importantly though, it is key to learn how to accept even those changes that you don't necessarily like or approve of.

Accepting change does not mean that you condone or support it; however, it does mean that you acknowledge it and make choices accordingly. The biggest mistake that most people make when they face changes they do not want is to ignore them and then act as if they do not exist. Unfortunately, this ignorance does not negate the effect of the change; more often than not though, people end up frustrated, disappointed and/or hurt because of their own ignorance.

When you truly accept change – you accept it all. You endeavor to see the whole and then make choices to deal with it accordingly. Even if you decide for whatever reason to stand apart from change – you still choose to acknowledge its occurrence and therefore do not remain ignorant.

Let me put it this way…

We shed skin, lose hair, we live, we die a physical death and up to 150 species go extinct every single day. All of this is inevitable change and whether you are aware of it or not, they still happen. Getting the picture? Good… let's move on then…

Habit #3: Embrace Change

The third habit in coping with change is to embrace it. Truly successful individuals practice this relentlessly because they understand that this is how you become a true scholar of growth. When you can embrace change, you are able to learn all there is to learn from it.

Have you ever heard the cliché "everything happens for a reason?" Well, it is true and truly successful people believe it and this is why they endeavor to embrace change – ALL CHANGE.

Again, it doesn't mean that you condone or support the change – it just means that you not only accept it but you are open to it without judgment. Judgments are automatic blockers to learning because they close you off in the most profound ways. It is extremely difficult to learn anything new when you come to the class with preconceived notions. This is because for the most part, you have already made up your mind about the outcome and therefore you are unable to see beyond your own ignorance.

You can only take advantage of knowledge to the degree that you are aware of it. Essentially, if you do not know all that is available, it is impossible to use all that is available.

The embrace of change is the fertilizer for creativity and imagination that sparks the greatest change.

Furthermore, it is important to point out that we all have varying perceptions and views and that the greatest discoveries are made by seeing the world through the eyes of another. This being said, in embracing change, it is paramount that you also embrace the changes and/or differences in your fellowman. Instead of ostracizing people for being different, include them because of it so that you can learn from each other. This is the epitome of embracing change.

These 3 habits help you to PROCESS change. Practice them and you will undoubtedly see profound and positive improvement in coping with change.

Habit #4: Embody Change

The fourth habit in coping with change is to embody it. This habit is only applied when you do in fact condone and support the change. Regardless of how you become aware of the change, you choose to follow it because it aligns with your core values and beliefs.

In this case, it is important that you first consult your inner compass to make sure that this change is aligned with the things you believe in – with things that are most important to you. Then and ONLY then should you embody any change. Even if this new change takes you off your original course, in my experience, it is best to go with it if it is in alignment with your core values and beliefs.

Habit #5: Epitomize Change

As Gandhi said "Be the change you wish to see in the world." This is what it means to epitomize change. It is vital that you lead by example – that you are the epitome of the changes you want to see around you. When you are the epitome of change, coping with change becomes so much simpler because you can more easily make choices to deal with changes.

In other words, whether you stand apart from or embody change, your choices are clear based on your core values and beliefs and the types of changes you exemplify. Also, you become a lot less frustrated by the changes others make that you do not like when you are a living example of the changes you wish to contribute to the world. It's harder to knock others for their voice when you too have your own.

Habit #6: Affect Change

Habit #5 and #6 go hand-in-hand when it comes to coping with change. For once you epitomize the changes you wish to see around you, your circle of influence grows automatically and much more rapidly. People tend to follow those who have a strong and focused voice with substance to support it as opposed to a loud mouth complainer without a backbone.

Truly successful people understand that in order to create the best changes, the enrollment of others is important – it is crucial. They are proactive and they understand that "proactive people always affect changes while reactive people are always affected by changes."

In affecting change, you aim to impart your knowledge and wisdom onto others only in an effort to make them better in some way. This is not about power and control – it is about making others better for having known you. The moment it becomes about anything else, it is corrupt and no longer valid.

Additionally, when you are an affecter of change, it means that you do not stand around and wait for an invitation to do what you feel in your heart is right. Regardless of what the masses are doing, as a change agent, you must endeavor to do what is necessary to achieve the results you desire. No matter what, you have to be willing to stand your ground.

Essentially, you must be willing to stand on your core values and beliefs even if you stand alone – this is how you affect change. When you are convicted, confident, and exemplary and you clearly know where you are going, others will soon follow. You need not worry about finding others to join the cause; they will undoubtedly find you because that is what people do when they need a leader. Just remember that leaders lead from the front and not from the back.

Ever seen those epic war movies? Where was the king? That's right – usually leading the charge and not standing behind a curtain pretending to be some all-knowing wizard barking orders at the troops.

These 3 habits help you to APPLY change. Practice them and you will undoubtedly see profound and positive improvement in coping with change.

 

 

 

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Effective Leadership Is…

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Effective leadership is rare in today's fast growing society. It seems that the more we grow, the less we lead effectively. By no means is this meant to be taken negatively; however, I hope it serves as a rude awakening as to where we are as a world.

I've often said that I do not expect to change the world through one article or even a thousand; however, my hope is to affect one person at a time – one mind at a time in the most profoundly positive way that I can. As I learn, teach and grow, I have realized how extremely important it is to develop more leaders. We need leaders now more than ever. In fact, with the seemingly insurmountable problems that the next generations will face, we are going to need effective leadership in order to thrive in the world of tomorrow.

The goal of this article is to point out some key elements of effective leadership as I have come to experience them and the tremendous success that follows. Effective Leadership may be categorized and explained in different ways; however, in my experience it has always embodied the following 5 key elements.

Effective Leadership Is about…

1. Purpose

True leaders understand the importance of purpose; it is the fuel that drives them to act in an effort to make a difference. It is through purpose that choice is directed and focused in achieving the desired result. True purpose is the SIMPLIEST way to ensure that you are doing what you love to do while at the same time making a difference. It is what fulfills you and makes life worthwhile. All effective leaders have a purpose – a clear reason for being and they empower and incite others to join them along the way by sharing their own voice.

Without purpose, it is difficult to have a focused direction. Without direction, it will be hard to know where you are going. If you do not know where you are going, it will be hard to get anywhere at all. Instead you will go nowhere very fast. If you do not understand the importance of true purpose, achieving the results you desire will continue to elude you.

2. Value

Effective leaders believe in creating and delivering value in everything they do. Every choice they make must have value. Unless it has value, it is meaningless. Simply put, there is no point in doing anything that does not benefit others in some way shape or form. As a leader of self and others, it is important that you consider how your thoughts and actions benefit others. If what you are about to do benefits no one, then as a leader you must refrain from doing it. It really is that SIMPLE. It's not always easy to do; however, it is as SIMPLE as that.

3. Example

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." – Gandhi.

So many of us keep waiting on the rest of the world to change; when the truth is that we need only change ourselves in order to change the world. True leaders understand this concept – they live it every day. They understand that change comes from within not without. You have to be a living example of your purpose every single day; you must epitomize your core values and beliefs. Before you judge others for what they do, look at yourself first and just focus on making sure that you are doing the right things.

The best way to lead others is by example since most people look at your actions and pay less attention to what you say. Effective leadership is living the example that you would like to see throughout the world – it is how you spread the message.

4. Service

We are all here to serve one another. It should be an honor and privilege to do so. There is nothing at all demeaning about service. In fact, it is the true path to abundance. When we pursue our true purpose with passion; create and deliver value for others and be a living example of the changes we wish to see in the world, we serve others in the most significant way possible.

To be of service is to pursue excellence – it is the true purpose of all true purposes. All effective leaders live to serve others through pursuing their purpose with passion. They consistently seek ways to make a difference in the lives of others by utilizing their true gifts and talents. The principle is SIMPLE, when you help others get what they need, you automatically get what you need – often times a thousand times over. To be of service, in my opinion, should be a pursuit we all endeavor to embrace. In my experience, it has never failed to produce profound and positive results in the lives of leaders and those they come across.

4. Others

All 4 of the above elements comes down to the fifth – others. This is the focus of all effective leaders. Their purpose, the value they provide, the example they set and the way they serve are all meaningless unless others benefit from them.

One of my great mentors once presented me with a card that simply read "Others." She gave me this gift as a symbol to remind me that once my work continues to benefit others, greatness will always follow. She helped me to understand that unless what I do makes a difference in the lives of others, there is no point to it.

The bottom line is that no matter how you slice it, the integrity and significance of your legacy will rest in how your choice impacted others. The overall goal is to leave this world a better place than the one you were born into. All effective leaders put people first and things second – there is no compromise on this; the principle always applies.

Effective Leadership Is…

…all of the above. There are many different facets that go along with leadership; however, these are some key elements to develop and cultivate in your own pursuit for leadership excellence. Also, this helps you to more easily recognize authentic and effective leadership when you come across it. It is extremely important that in pursuit of your own goals and dreams that you find the right people to follow. Too often we end up following unqualified people for far too long simply because they have a title. Remember that leadership comes from within not titles or status. Leaders are made not born and they can come from anywhere and any rank.

Effective Leadership Is… rare but crucial to building a better world.

 

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Failure by Design

Just as truly successful individuals do not believe in succeeding by accident, cynical individuals and fear mongers believe that success or failure depends the luck of the draw and origin. These individuals choose not to set goals and they only make plans to take no action; they always plan for the worst and hope for average. Instead of growing by design, cynics and fear mongers fail by design.

The goal of this article is to help raise your awareness to the fact that failure, just like growth, is also achieved by design. The point is to help you realize that doing nothing, planning nothing and hoping for nothing is the same as choosing failure. In effect, you design your fate through the choices you make even when the choice is inaction.

My hope is that this article helps you to take an honest look at yourself and then make the necessary changes if you exhibit any of these attributes. At the very least, the goal is to help you avoid these pitfalls that plague so many.

Failure by Design is exactly the opposite of growth by design; it means that you are reactive in the choices you make; that you do not take full responsibility for your own personal growth and the success you achieve. It says that you do not believe that you are indeed the programmer of your program. Your choices are based on shallow reactions to others and your environment instead of on your core values.

Following are 3 elements that plague the cynics and fear mongers among us; these are conditions, attitudes and beliefs you want to avoid lest you become one of those individuals who chronically fails by design.

Have to over Choice

Cynics and fear mongers do most of the things they do because they feel they have to and not because they choose to. They are unaware that all actions are precipitated by choice. They certainly do not believe that choice is the ultimate power; in fact, they believe the opposite – that formal authority is superior to moral authority. Furthermore, they believe that the cards you are dealt are the cards you must play; you cannot change your hand.

In this mindset, these individuals consistently succumb to the whims of society and peer pressures. They continuously look to the outside world for approval and thus never achieve the results they truly desire.

For those who believe in the "have to over choice", they believe that their destiny has already been written. This is exactly the opposite of the belief of truly successful individuals.

Victim over Victor

This is a common mindset among cynics and fear mongers; they are constantly playing victims. In fact, this can afflict individuals so deeply that they may even go into depression without the attention of those who would sympathize with their self victimization.

My wife puts it this way…

"Victims will always ask why me while victors will always ask why not."

For these self-proclaimed victims, every failure is compiled for their "I told you so" file. They log each one as if this is what they truly are – failures. They do not understand that failure is an event, never a person.

Victims always take the easiest way out; they blame others and situations for their lot in life. In doing this of course, they victimize themselves just a little bit more perpetuation their false convictions that it is what it is instead of what they make it. They do not realize that believing that the problem is out there is the very problem.

Instead of working on fixing self, victims truly believe that it is always others who need fixing in order for things to fall into place. Ever notice that there are no presents at a pity party and a lot of confetti at a winner's party?

Victims are masters at failure by design so don't be a victim.

Status Quo over Change

Cynics and fear mongers are change killers; they fight to keep the status quo due to fear of change. These are the secret agents of procrastination and stagnation.

More than 90% of their time is spent maintaining the status quo as opposed to seeking out, creating and embracing positive and progressive change. They do not understand that only through change can you grow; what's worse, they do not realize that change is a constant and that growth is inevitable whether it is for the better or worse. Choosing to uphold the status quo does not stop change; however, it does cause stagnation in your personal growth and success.

Cynics and fear mongers, because they are reactive, only move when told. They wait for things to happen rather than making things happen. They move with the masses no matter what values they uphold; they are only interested in assimilation rather than creation. They lack vision and imagination and believe that open-minded individuals are deluded and foolish to believe that they can change anything. They relegate themselves to mindless sheep being led to slaughter and believe that great things are done by great men and women whom do not exist in their ranks.

This element is a major difference between managers and leaders. Cynics and fear mongers can never achieve any level higher than a manager because all they do is chop their way through the bushes trying desperately to clear a path while leaders climb to the tallest tree top overlooking the jungle to see if there is a better way.

As one quote puts it…

"Mangers do things right; leaders do the right things."

Cynics and fear mongers are followers and not leaders. In fact, they do not want to lead because they do not want the responsibility. They do however like to ridicule and heckle leaders because their power comes from the misery and failure of others; or so they foolishly believe. If only they would realize that they are the ones who are deluded and foolish.

The bottom line is in the same way you grow by design; you also achieve failure by design. Whether you choose to act or not does not negate the fact that you've made a choice and you will have to live with the consequences. There's just no way around it.

 

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The Power of Purpose

Discovering your true purpose is an essential factor in the success of your personal growth. Sadly, too many of us will never fulfill our true calling which is a shame since the world would be robbed of great deeds because of this. This I truly believe to be so.

Perhaps though, it is because not enough of us understand the power of purpose. Experience has taught me that individuals who do understand its great power more often than not do great deeds.

The goal of this article is to help raise your awareness; to help you understand the powerful significance of your reason for being. There is not one living thing on this planet or anywhere for that matter that does not have a unique reason for existing. We each have our own uniqueness to offer the world; we have but to tap into it and discover how best to share it.

Understanding purpose

A purpose-driven life is one of focus, leadership and enlightenment. When you discover your true purpose, all your choices become much more clear and you move with reason rather than with randomness. You experience less chaos and confusion in your relationships and projects and you move continuously while others seem to stand still.

Purpose fuels motivation and leads to hope and inspiration because of your determination to fulfill your calling. Others benefit from your choices and you are happy because you feel fulfilled by the value that your work – your purpose has provided for others.

Purpose is not to be taken lightly; it is what you have been called to this plane to fulfill. There is unlimited power in this truth. Even when you do not fully understand your impact, still it is there when you are living out your true purpose. When you throw a rock into the stream and watch the ripples go out until they disappear from sight, it doesn't mean that the ripples cease. It simply means that you cannot know the full depth, breadth or magnitude of the ripple effect of your choices. This is the principle reason why it is so important to discover and pursue your true purpose in life.

Imagine a world…

In order to understand the power of purpose, I suggest that you first imagine an ideal world where every person existing in it pursued his/her true purpose. Imagine each individual committing to seek out his/her reason for being and then making choices to pursue it fully.

I don't know about you but this is a world in which I want to live.

Don't get me wrong – good and bad exist within all of us and quite frankly, there are lessons that this world needs to learn through having to suffer the bad deeds as well. With that said, wouldn't it be incredible if everyone passionately pursued his/her true purpose in life?

The greatness in such an era is unimaginable – it stretches the mind of most beyond the scope of its limiting beliefs. Still, a world where we all pursued our true reason for being is a world where all people strived to create and distribute value to others. In this world, each person would be happily seeking ways in which they could be of service to their fellow man.

This is the true power of purpose.

Your reason for being

True happiness lies in purpose – your reason for being. Have you ever wondered why so many people are still so unhappy even when they seem to have it all? You know – deep down – that there must be something missing. Sure, it is easier to judge such persons for being bratty and ungrateful; however, more often than not – there is something deeper going on inside them.

This is not to say that all unhappy people lack purpose; however, you would be hard-pressed to find someone who is pursuing his/her true purpose who is also unhappy. Even if there are elements of that person's life that he/she does not like – purpose empowers you to change it for the better.

In my experience, your reason for being is your salvation – it is the cradle you should seek when all else seems to fail. When you have found your unique way in which you will serve the world, little else can ever make you unhappy ever again. Furthermore, you will achieve far more greatness and significance when you are operating on your unique frequency.

I would go as far as to say that if you can imagine a world where everyone pursued his/her true purpose, you would have a world where the 80/20 rule gets turned upside down. Rest assured that in a wonderful world such as this, common conditions of societal breakdown and destruction would occur far less frequently; particularly the following 6 states would reverse in many cases.

1. Wealth without Work
2. Pleasure without Conscience
3. Knowledge without Character
4. Commerce without Morality
5. Science without Humanity, and
6. Worship without Sacrifice

I've written a full blown article on these societal breakdowns which you can read here.

These are the types of conditions and societal erosion upon which the power of purpose would have the most significant and profoundly positive impact.

This is why I urge you not to take it lightly; understand that you do the world an atrocious disservice when you choose not to seek out your reason for being, pursue it fervently and fulfill it.

 

 

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Barriers to Effective Communication

Effective Communication is a skill that is essential to your success; it can often mean the difference between success and failure in any endeavor. So many projects, in my experience, have fallen to pieces because of poor communication.

This website is filled with many articles that cover various aspects of communication; however, the goal of this article is to address specifically some significant and common barriers to effective communication.

We all communicate in many ways; even at times when we do not realize we are, we're still communicating. The 4 main forms of communication are reading, writing, speaking and listening. Of course, there are many factors that go into the elements that hinder these efforts. We spend more than 75% of our waking hours doing one or a combination of these methods of communicating. This is the reason it is so important to understand the main impediments to your efforts.

Following are 4 key things that most individuals fail to understand which in turn hinders their communication efforts.

1. How to communicate

Most people often do not know how to communicate or were not taught how to do so. This can take many avenues in ignorance such as which medium to use. Sometimes the efficacy of your message could fizzle depending on what medium you choose to convey it. In other words, some things are better said in person rather than via phone or e-mail. Depending on the nature of your message, you have to discern the best method.

Furthermore, may people communicate from a standpoint of ego; they want to be the one who knows the most so they either communicate in part or deliberately withhold pertinent information that would better serve the whole. This way of presenting you message focuses on ego whereby the initiator not only wants to seem more important than he/she is but also shield himself/herself from looking foolish.

The point is that the way you communicate effectively is by being genuine and forthcoming. You endeavor to remove ego and put others first instead of yourself. Realize that it isn't about you; it is about the recipient(s) and it is for them to get the message.

2. Why you communicate

This might seem simple; however, it is almost always overlooked in the fine art of communication. It is important to understand why you are writing/saying what you are or reading/listening to what you are. Unless you know why, maintaining and/or obtaining any significant level of commitment on any call-to-action will be extremely difficult.

The "why" is the fuel for passion and focus which can make your message significantly more effective than it otherwise would be. The bottom line is that if you don't know why you are doing something, you are either satisfied with being a lamb led to slaughter, simply upholding the status quo and accepting mediocrity or you lack your own voice. In any case, it amounts to the same thing, confusion and disarray among the ranks.

3. From where you communicate

This is an element that escapes most; they do not understand just how crucial this is in communicating effectively. One of the most important elements of communication is authenticity. The fact is that if you are not 100% genuine in your communication, the response you get will be likewise.

In other words as one of my great teachers puts it, "Communication is the response you get."

This is to say that you should always communicate from the heart guided by your conscience – your spirit. This makes it easier to take responsibility for what you write and say because you believe it to be true and righteous at your core. It doesn't mean that you have to think this deeply at every exchange – just that you are aware that unless you are authentic, any response you receive will be likewise tainted. Even if you get what you want in the short-run, you most certainly will not be able to sustain it in the long-run.

4. When to communicate

This is as crucial an element as any of the others and in many cases, the most crucial of all. I will simply go with another one of my great teachers' analogy.

Francis Cole Jones, author of the bestseller How To Wow recommends the H.A.L.T. method of knowing when to communicate. The acronym basically means, refrain from communicating when in any of the following 4 states:

• Hungry
• Angry
• Lazy, or
• Tired

The point is that in any of these states, you are much less equipped with the wherewithal to communicate effectively. In these states you are more liable to write or say something that you'll regret later – sometimes immediately after release. Ever had one of those moments?

Furthermore, you certainly will not be in any condition to read or listen; hence you will be less likely to grasp the real and full message.

Additionally, it is important to know when to simply listen without responding. Most people still don't understand that listen is a method of communicating and sometimes that's all you need do. In fact, unless you are dealing with a child, people will most often give you queues or outright permission to offer advice or opinion. So, unless you are the initiator, listening without response is ok unless you are invited to do so. This is a good rule of thumb.

Once you have understood these hindrances, it will be easier for you to overcome the barriers to effective communication.

 

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Leading a Principle Centered Life

There is definitely a lot of information available on principle centered living. What I have discovered in my experience is that many people still do not understand what it means to lead of life grounded in correct principles.

The goal of this article is to help raise your awareness to how principles apply practically to our lives and also to help you more easily discern whether or not you a living a life grounded in correct principles.

Even at times when I refer to the term – I still get puzzled looks from so many individuals; either because they believe that they already lead a life grounded in correct principles or because they do not understand the difference as to whether they are or not.

Before you can begin to discern the kind of life you are living, two things need to happen.

First, you must understand that there are different centers of life from which people operate more dominantly than others; and…

Second, you must then decide what kind of life you want to lead.

In this vein, let us understand what some of the different centers are and how they operate. The goal here is to help you become painfully aware of where you are in this spectrum so that you can make better choices to get where you truly want to be.

As learned from one of my favorite books of all time, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, following are 5 of the most common centers from which people direct their lives. These centers often lead to unsatisfactory results in other areas of your life because they are not grounded in correct principles.

1. Spouse Centered

When you are spouse centered, you view your spouse as the main source of need and satisfaction.

You tend to view the other 4 centers as follows:

Family – good in its place but is of less importance and viewed as no more than a common project

Money – necessary to properly take care of spouse

Church – an activity to enjoy together; however it is completely subordinate to the relationship with your spouse

Self – your self-worth comes from your spouse; the way your spouse views you is of utmost importance which makes you highly and unhealthily vulnerable to spouse attitudes and behaviors

2. Family Centered

When you are family centered, it becomes your highest priority no matter who they are or how they treat you.

You tend to view the other 4 centers as follows:

Spouse – just another part of the family and certainly not more important than the whole

Money – economic support for family

Church – source of help for family; you always go together or not at all

Self – a vital part of the family; however, subordinate to it

3. Money Centered

When you are money centered, it becomes your main source of security and fulfillment; without it you feel small and insignificant.

You tend to view the other 4 centers as follows:

Spouse – an asset or liability in acquiring money

Family – as an economic drain and not much more

Church – as a tax write-off; and moreover just another bunch of charlatans with their hands in your pocket

Self – self-worth is determined by net worth; nothing matters more than how much you have in the bank

4. Church Centered

When you are church centered, it is the highest source of priority and guidance in your life; before you make a move, you must consult with the church.

You tend to view the other 4 centers as follows:

Spouse – a companion in or facilitator for church service, or a trial of faith

Family – models to exemplify adherence to church teachings, or trails of faith

Money – as a means to support church and family in their devotion to church; considered evil if it becomes a greater priority than church or church activities

Self – self worth is determined by level of devotion to church and church activities; your performance and deeds are driven by church doctrine and ethics and nothing else

5. Self Centered

When you are self centered, the focus always has to be you. You believe that you are better, smarter and more right than anyone else. You feel justified in focusing all resources on your personal gratification.

You tend to view the other 4 centers as follows:

Spouse – as your personal possession only there to please and satisfy you

Family – again, viewed as your personal possession available at your beck and call to satisfy your needs

Money – once again, another source to fulfill your needs

Church – surprise; yet another vehicle to perform self-serving deeds

As you can see by examining these 5 different centers; none of them live up to natural laws; correct principles. When your choices are made with any of these centers as the compass, it will never be for the good of all.

On the other hand, the exact opposite is true of principle centered living. In fact, that's the core meaning of it; it requires that your choices are always for the good of all. It doesn't mean that everyone has to like or agree with your choices; however, it does mean that when you make your choices you do so knowing that you are doing the right thing.

Here's what it means in relation to the other 5 centers mentioned.

Principle Centered

When you are principle centered, you endeavor to live your life in adherence to immutable natural laws which cannot be violated with impunity. You only make choices based on your core values and beliefs grounded in correct principles which always leads to true growth and happiness.

You tend to view the other 5 centers as follows:

Spouse – as an equal partner in a mutually beneficial and interdependent relationship

Family – as an opportunity for service and contribution; a source of fulfillment and also as an opportunity for teaching and leading the next generation in positive change

Money – as a resource that enables you to achieve your dreams and goals in important service and contribution to the world

Church – as a vehicle for practicing true principles; another opportunity for service and contribution

Self – as a unique, talented and creative individual living among many other unique, talented and creative individuals working independently and interdependently to achieve great things

This is what it means to lead a principle centered life.

I highly recommend that you read the entire book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People to receive the full benefit of understanding the different centers and how they operate. It is one of the single most insightful pieces of literature I have ever read. In fact, it played a huge part in my own journey of personal growth and pursuit of personal excellence.

Instead of placing a high value on things which are temporary; place the highest value on principles because they are eternal. So many people consistently wish for more money so that they can buy more things when what they really need to wish for is more time. You see, with time, you can do anything you want – the possibilities are endless.

You see time is a principle that works this way…

"There are limits to the time you have to live; however, there are no limits to how you live your time."

Make your time on this plane significant by making a difference in the life of others; endeavor to lead a principle centered life.

 

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Goal Setting for Life

Goal oriented individuals in my experience seem to always accomplish more in less time than most. Truly successful individuals move with purpose like the marines who consistently claim that they get more done by 6am than most people do all day. I have to say that I've known a few marines and this claim holds a lot of water – they get it done.

I have already written extensively on goal setting; however, the portion on goal setting for life deserves an outtake of its own. Once you understand the effective way to set goals, setting them for life becomes a much more focused task that requires a bit more thought and thoroughness.

The objective of this article is to help raise your awareness to the factors you must consider when creating your life's blueprint. These elements will most certainly help you make better choices and take more purposeful actions to achieve the results you desire. Your success rate will most definitely explode once you begin applying these to your life.

Following are the 5 factors you must consider when you decide to write the program for your life.

1. What do you love?

The first thing that you must do is figure out what you love to do. When you do this, I suggest you be honest with yourself. Go for "pie in the sky" and dig deep; whatever it is you love to do – jot it down.

This should be the thing that you are most passionate about doing. The type of thing you would do for free if money were no object. Figure out what that is and make a note of it.

2. What is important to you?

This factor usually escapes most people; they don't even realize that they've never considered it until their relationships and endeavors begin to unravel. Truly thinking about what is most important to you will help you make better decisions about how you spend your time and energy.

This is vital to your success because as most have learned, some in harder ways than others, you simply can't do it all. You must prioritize and execute around those priorities.

As Stephen R. Covey puts it, "many spend all their time climbing to the top only to find that their ladder was leaning against the wrong wall." Don't let this be you. Figure out what is most important to you, prioritize these things in your life and execute around them.

3. How do you create value doing what you love?

Again, another factor that escapes 99% of us; most don't realize that doing what you love is meaningless unless it creates value for others. There's simply no point doing what you love if no one benefits from it.

In other words, not only does it go against natural laws because our abundance lies in the quality of our service to others; but also, if you are not creating value for others, no one will pay for it – neither in time nor money.

With that said, you must also figure out how you can do what you love in a way that creates and distributes value to others. It must be fulfilling because you make a difference; rather than just success in your own right, doing what you love should take you to significance because you positively impact the lives of others.

4. Develop a routine

Goal setting for life requires diligence; it demands that you are disciplined enough to follow through on the things you need to do. Sometimes the main difference between those who succeed and those who do not are habits. When you move in a scattered and unfocused manner, the results you achieve are just that. The exact opposite is true for those who move with clarity and focus; the results they achieve reflect that.

This means taking a long hard look at yourself and admitting to your shortcomings. Think about the things you are good at and continue to improve but also, look at the areas where you can really use improvement and take the steps to do so. The quicker you step up your game in the areas of weakness, the quicker you will see the results you desire.

5. Stick with it

The other 4 factors do not matter at all unless you see it through. Remember that failure is an event, never a person. This means that you are a winner no matter what; you only need study and learn from your failures. That's what mistakes are for – to teach you valuable lessons so that you can make adjustments. When you only focus on the negative in your failures, it leads to frustration and depression causing most to give up.

The truth is that we've all been there – that place within us where we just feel like giving up. That's OK – all I'm saying is don't let it defeat you. Keep going and no matter what happens don't quit doing what you love. The truth is that when you quit doing what you love, you not only rob yourself but also the world of your true greatness. This is a disservice to all – those you know and even those you don't. We cannot know fully the impact of the ripple effect of our choices but rest assured that they often impact others in ways that you may never know. This is why it is important to make conscientious choices.

So, stick with it – never give up and you'll see your dreams and goals come to fruition. Goal setting for life demands that you commit to see it through all the way and nothing less.

These 5 factors are the ones you must consider before you create your blueprint. Once you've read and understand these, it is time to ensure that you understand how to go about setting and achieving your goals.

 

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Personal Growth Quotes

The following is a list of some of my most popular posts ever to Facebook and Twitter. I have also used these quotes in my various articles on this website. These personal growth quotes are a collection of insights from my tremendous mentors, experiences and overall lessons in personal change that I have discovered.

The purpose of this article is to officially release use of these quotes to the public. This is not for self promotion but simply for the widest range of impact. As it states in my mission statement, I want to help as many people as possible realize their true gifts and talents so that they can achieve their dreams and goals. This is the sole purpose for this official release.

At times that I have used the quotes, I have always found them to be beneficial not only to me but also to others who have heard them. It is not because they are so fantastic that they immediately change lives – it is simply because these are authentic words that stem from real life. They resonate with others deeply because the examples in their lives come screaming to the surface when they hear or read these words.

Whether or not you choose to use these personal growth quotes is completely up to you; however, this ensures that you will have a mini-archive from which to pull.

I have only one request – if you do choose to use any of these quotes that you give the proper credit for the contribution. I ask that you always show my full name like this: Dean L. Forbes.

I have also specified where the quote comes directly from another source and I ask that you give credit to the proper sources in these instances.

You need not do anything else; no need to ask permission or anything else. This article is an official document granting permission to you to use these quotes in whatever forum you deem fit and/or necessary. I am confident that you won't misuse these words. There will be no backlash from me for any reason.

Just please be mindful that these words should not be taken lightly or used loosely – they are extremely powerful when embodied and understood fully. They can even be powerful daily mantras for life – just things that you repeat to yourself as a reminder.

Following are 22 powerful personal growth quotes that can impact your life and the lives of those you know and connect with.

1. Proactive people are not driven by what happens to them but by the things they make happen.


2. Proactive people always affect changes; reactive people are always affected by changes.


3. Managers do things right, leaders do the right things. - Author Unknown


4. To neither know who you are nor where you are going is to be like a frozen river on the hottest day of summer; to know who you are but not where you are going is to be like a still river with no ebb and flow, but; to know yourself and where you are going is to be like the universal river that brings all dreams to fruition.


5. To simply be the victor in 100 conflicts or negotiations is not the pinnacle of skill or the true essence of humanity; however, to persuade your opponent to sit on the same side as you, to nurture differences and transcend conflict - this is the pinnacle of skill and the true essence of humanity.


6. Confidence lies in your preparation; the possibility of success lies in your execution.


7. For you to achieve the success you desire, you must first visualize the finish line, believe that it is already yours and then proclaim it confidently.


8. Unsuccessful individuals go forth blindly and then seek to win while truly successful individuals win first and then go forth in victorious clarity.


9. In order to consistently achieve your goals, one method can be to adapt the mindset of doomed soldiers. "Confront them with annihilation, and they will then survive; plunge them into a deadly situation, and they will then live. When people fall into danger, they are then able to strive for victory." – Sun Tzu


10. If you plan, prepare and expect to win, look at every failure as an opportunity to increase your knowledge, choose change over stagnation, you will never know defeat.


11. To lack vision and take no action is the way you guarantee failure; to walk the path before you visualize the end is the way to guarantee turmoil; to visualize the end before you walk the path is the way to guarantee true success.


12. Although it might seem easier to tear others down rather than build them up, you must understand that you cannot successfully build up yourself unless you build others. Any power you perceive from tearing others down is an illusion created by the glass-made ground upon which you walk and it will inevitably shatter and cause disarray in your endeavors.


13. If you are not overwhelmed with degrees and accolades, it is not because you have an aversion for success; if you are not well endowed in your wallets and purses, it is not because you have distaste for riches; and if your life is not excessively long, it is not because you do not desire longevity.


14. To consistently complain about what your plights are and do nothing about them is to live like the sole of a shoe on the foot of a growing giant.


15. To consistently claim that you have no choice is in itself a choice to remain ignorant, thus you lack vision; to constantly complain about the drugs, sex and violence on your television while watching without fail is the pinnacle of hypocrisy; to tell others they can't because you believe that you can't is the most despicable of disservice, thus you lack hope; to claim benevolence while you do nothing to overcome malevolence is the summit of evil; to be without care for none of these is to usher in self-destruction.


16. To understand a man's station in life, you only need examine his choices.


17. Your name rings a lot more bells a lot louder when someone other than you sings your praises.


18. Those who live in fear sit on a bubble; those who face their fears stand on solid ground.


19. Those who've reached their full potential are consumed with ego; those who consistently pursue their full potential grow humble and wise.


20. Your success and true happiness is not measured by the deeds to your properties but by the properties of your deeds.


21. Those who ask questions are seekers of knowledge and agents of change; those who do not are enforcers of ignorance and agents of stagnation.


22. Those who hoard knowledge seek to control and spread tyranny; those who share knowledge seek to uplift and spread equality.

From time to time, I will continue to update you with more powerful insights and personal growth quotes so don't forget to stay in the loop by bookmarking this site and signing up for our Free Newsletter.

 

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How to Develop Your Personal Approach

Personal Approach is a term often thrown around quite loosely without understanding its true meaning. The fact is that the way you relate to others has everything to do with your personal brand. Sure, it is absolutely important that you treat others the way you would like them to treat you; however, it doesn't mean that you should act like a robot. Simply regurgitating what you've learned in the voice of others makes you dull and boring. It is imperative that in your approach with others that you remain authentic.

Your unique brand is the only way to set yourself apart from others – put you in your own space that only you can occupy. The goal of this article is to help raise your awareness to 3 keys that will help you to develop and cultivate your personal approach.

Essentially, truly successful individuals understand that the way we relate to others is crucial to our personal growth and development. In that vein, they make it a point to hone in on their unique personality traits and then endeavor to develop them fully into strengths that increase their influence among their peers and beyond.

The main element that most people miss when it comes to developing their unique brand is in how they learn. It will be difficult to improve the way you relate to others if you do not know your learning style.

I can see the surprise looks on your faces now… where's he going with this?

Well, I'll tell you – it's simple really.

In order o improve in how you relate to others and increase your area of influence; it is vital that you are able to constantly increase your awareness. Increasing your awareness helps you to gain greater understanding of and insight into not only yourself, but others as well. The more you know about individuals, the more impactful the choices you make that add value to their lives.

With that said, since increasing your awareness is crucial, it stands to reason then that understanding your learning style would be equally crucial. To the degree that you understand how best you learn, the easier it will be for you to increase your awareness – the more aware you are, the better you can hone your personal approach.

There are 3 different learning styles and within them lie the 3 keys where your focus needs to be in order to improve in the way you relate to others.

Audio

Many people are audio learners. This simply means that these individuals only need to hear sound in order to grasp the message. They do not need notes or have the need to touch and play with materials in order to understand it.

When you are an audio learner, it is important then for you to always listen actively to others. The more you can focus on improving your listening skills, the easier it becomes for you to increase your area of influence. This is because you will be able to have greater impact through developing your listening skills; anyone would; however, it is certainly most important for the audio learner.

Visual

The visual learner needs to see what you are talking about in order to grasp the message. Simply hearing what is being said is not enough; for the visual learner, presentations, body language and facial expressions become extremely important.

When you are a visual learner, it is important that you are always looking for clues. You need to be sure that you see things before you act on them. As a visual learner, your level of awareness and clarity goes up tenfold when you are able to look at an example.

Kinesthetic

The third type of learner is a kinesthetic learner; these types of individuals need to touch and play with materials in order to fully grasp the message. Workshops and face to face conversations are excellent for these types of learners.

As it relates to improving your area of influence with others, it is essential for the kinesthetic learner to have a lot of interaction. The more interactivity – the better.

So, where was I going with this?

Right – I remember.

Evaluating the way you learn will help you tremendously in improving your personal approach. Once you increase your awareness about your learning style, it not only arms you with what to do but also how to convey what you need to others. The more effective you are at communicating your needs to others, the more impactful the results you will achieve.

The bottom line is that understanding these elements will go a long way in helping you improve in the way you relate to others.

 

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How to Live Life in the Top 20%

This article addresses a very simple but common dilemma for many individuals. So many people, some of whom I counsel, are in a constant state of living below their true potential. In fact, the latest statistic suggests that 90% of the population only controls 7% of the financial wealth and that the top 1% is controlling almost 50% of the total financial wealth.

I don't know about you but that just sounds dismal to me.

The fact is that 80% of wealth of any kind is controlled by only 20% of the population. What's more, getting into that top 20% is a simple feat; however, it just isn't easy. I suppose if it were easy everyone would do it.

The question is, do you want to learn how to live life in the top 20%? If so, stick around – this article will cover some fundamental insights to get you on your way pronto.

Truly successful individuals see things differently; they think differently and just have a different swagger than most other people. It isn't that they are necessarily smarter; they are just more keenly aware of principles – universal laws by which the world operates. It is this understanding that sets them apart because they are able to make choices that are aligned with principles which always yield more significant and impactful results.

Truly successful individuals – the ones that live in the top 20% understand and believe in 5 fundamental principles. These can be as obtuse or as acute as they need to be depending on your goal. If you can embody and practice these 5 principles, you will begin to experience life like the top 20%.

Choice

The first principle is that of choice. Truly successful individuals understand that choice precipitates all things; that it our choices determine the results we ultimately achieve. Just remember that you have what you have and you are where you are because of the choices you have made. This is true whether you are aware of it or not or believe it or not. Take responsibility for your choices – everyone in the top 20% does.

Purpose

Without purpose, you are doomed to wander this plain in a state of mind no better than that of a mindless zombie. True purpose is a major difference between those who achieve their goals and those who do not. If you truly want to discover how to live a life in the top 20%, you must commit to finding your true purpose.

It is through purpose that we make a difference; this is the fuel that drives us to greatness. Without it, one can expect no more than a life of mediocrity.

Value

All truly successful individuals understand that regardless of what they do, they must make certain that they create and distribute value to others. Once you have discovered your true purpose, your next step is to figure out the best way you can make a difference in the lives of others through it. If through your purpose you only serve yourself, your life in the top 20% will be short-lived. We all have within us unique gifts and talents that help us create and distribute value to others; you only need look deep enough to find it.

Service

The fourth principle is that of service. What purpose do you serve – what needs do you meet? Many people misunderstood the meaning of service – often misconstruing it with subservience. Nothing could be further from the truth. Living a life in service simple means; through your unique gifts and talents you execute your true purpose in a way that creates and distributes value to others. It has nothing to do with being passive of submissive to others – rather it's more about being submissive to your spirit and doing everything you can to do as it directs you.

Love

The fifth principle is that of love. What the top 20% understand about love that most do not is that it is not a noun – it's a verb. Love is doing – doing what you love – doing onto to others as you would have them do unto you. Truly successful individuals put true love into everything that they do. They treat everyone that they connect with lovingly and act from a place of love through their deeds.

In fact, acting in true love brings the other four principles into crystal clear focus. This is because when you act from the love center, you make better choices, stay true to your purpose, serve others more benevolently which creates greater value and demonstrates authentic service.

Through the application of these 5 fundamental principles, you will discover how to live life in the top 20%.

 

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31 Little Ways to Guarantee You Succeed In Everything You Do Tomorrow

Following are 31 little ways to guarantee your success in everything you do tomorrow right out of the gate. These are in no particular order; however, if you can make it a point to practice even 3 of these just for a day – you will certain see a huge difference in what you can achieve.

Some of the great benefits you will derive include but are not limited to the facts that, you will feel better, be happier, touch more people positively and you will make significant differences not only in your life and personal growth but also in others as well.

Here goes…

1. Get a good night's rest

There are not many things that beat a good night sleep. It can help in making you more relaxed, focused and accommodating. You may have noticed in your own life how much more open you are when you've had a good night sleep. You may have also noticed how closed you are when you haven't.

2. Dream big

A good night's sleep can help put you in a great space where you can truly slip into the meat of your dreams. The more restful you are, the clearer your dreams. Part of dreaming big is going to bed with the best of thoughts on your mind. Think about the things you truly love to do and the people you love. These will help you to really dream big – the sky is the limit, especially in your dreams.

3. Give thanks

As soon as your feet touch the ground in the morning and then again when they hit the bed at night, you should make it a point to give thanks for all your blessings. No matter how small or seemingly insignificant, show gratitude for what you have. The law of gratitude says that the more grateful you are for the things you have the more things you get to be grateful for. So give thanks and your day will be promisingly successful.

4. Smile

As my wife puts it S.M.I.L.E. stands for See More In Life Every day. A smile, in my experience, not only makes you feel better instantly but it is also contagious. Have you ever noticed that the more you smile the more others around you smile back? Additionally, people become a lot more open and agreeable when they are smiling. This is a fundamental tactic in sales; sales people are trained to smile big every chance they get. The reason is because it is a proven fact that you get a lot more done when people are having fun – so smile.

5. Know your mission

Never leave home without knowing what your goal is. It doesn't matter if you're only going to Target to pick up diapers and toilet paper; the more crystal clear you are on your mission, the more focused you'll be. The more focused you are the more likely it will be that you will achieve your goals. In order to succeed in everything you do tomorrow, it is imperative that you are clear on what your mission is.

6. Win first

Most people wake up every day looking for a win; truly successful individuals wake up winners! All this means is that before you begin any journey, you visualize yourself at the finish line. Imagine the prize, the accolades, and the reward – see yourself doing it all the way. This is what real winners do. Executing the mission is just going through the motions; however, they've already won in their minds. As my great friend and mentor Ann Mincey puts it, "You are a star right where you are." Nuff said.

7. Make a plan

All truly successful individuals plan. It doesn't have to be elaborate; however, for each day you exist on this plane, it is important to have at the very least an outline of what you expect to accomplish in your day. Even if your day is a day of dealing with whatever life throws your way, if your mindset is in that space and this is truly your plan, you will hold frustration and depression at bay. Truly successful individuals know that if you fail to plan, you've essentially planned to fail.

No house is built without first consulting the blueprint; before the first stake is plunged and the first nail driven, the foreman and his crew look to the blueprint for the next move. This is why you need to make a plan or risk having you deluxe master bathroom end up in the barn.

8. Prioritize your tasks

The power of priority is extremely underrated. In order to succeed in everything you do tomorrow, it is crucial that you make the effort to prioritize your day. Think about what is most important for you to accomplish and when the time comes, just do those things. No matter what is happening, make it a point to go in order or priority. Yes, it might feel a bit weird at first; however, I promise that it's for the best. In my experience, proper prioritization has never failed me.

9. Put first things first

This is harder than it sounds – well at least for me. I work on this one constantly because I often get confused about what things are first. I can tell you that from experience, when I do get this right – it is amazing how well the rest of my day flows. Something as simple as giving my 2 precious daughters 15 minutes of undivided and uninterrupted attention can mean 2 hours or work time uninterrupted. Wow!

It is vital to understand what is most important in your day and in your life in order to know what to put first. Understanding these things helps you know when to stop, take a breather and focus on the right things at the right time. When you prioritize, it becomes easier to see what things come first as far as where to spend your energy.

10. Act with purpose

When you act, do it with purpose. I am not saying you need to be a stiff shirt and that spontaneity has no place in your day. I am simply saying that whatever you plan to accomplish, make sure your actions are in line with that goal. When you make a move, make sure that there is a reason – be proactive about it and don't just react to the people and environment around you. In fact, that is exactly the point; stay your course unless changing it is the right thing to do in order to achieve the results you desire.

11. Help someone

It is extremely difficult to truly help yourself unless you help someone else. Most people don't even realize the profound truth and principle in this statement; however, I can assure you that it is true. It doesn't matter if you believe it or not or are aware of it or not – this is a universal principle.

Helping someone else is a sure way to get closer to your goals. Success in everything you do tomorrow is almost assured when you genuinely seek to create and distribute vale for someone else. Make a difference in someone else's life and watch your dreams come to fruition.

12. Teach someone

A sure way to increase your own knowledge is to teach someone else what you have learned. A sure way to change the world is to educate and uplift someone else with your wisdom and experience. Knowledge is useless if we hoard it; it can only reach its true potential when we willfully share it.

13. Learn from someone

Just as teaching others is important, it is equally if not more important to learn from others. Learning from others is how we get inspired, make better choices, make a difference and be of significant service. No one knows everything he/she needs to know no matter how long you've been alive. There is always more to learn and new growth to achieve. Truly successful individuals are humble enough to know that you are always in pursuit of your full potential but that you never actually reach it. This is because no matter how much you grow – you can always grow more.

14. Lower your expectations

Slow down – this doesn't mean to lower your self-expectations. It means that you should be ok with lowering your expectation of others without lowering your standards. What most of us do is impose our expectations upon others and then get disappointed when they don't live up to them. This is called judgment. The truth is that you can always change the way you relate to and interact with a person based on their level of commitment to your relationship.

In order to succeed in everything you do tomorrow, it is crucial that you are able to lower your expectation of others without lowering your standards. This will help you tremendously in making better choices about where you spend your energy. It will most certainly reduce frustration, anger, disappointment and you will undoubtedly be much less judgmental.

15. Maintain your standards

Just because you lower your expectations of others does not mean you have to lower your standards. Maintain your standards; do not allow anyone else's choices and attitude to make you regress in your own personal growth. Stand your ground; make powerful choices that keep you in situations where your standards are met. It doesn't mean that you are turning your nose up at anyone – it just means that there is a certain standard that you choose to live by. It might be a cliché BUT, it is so true – "to each his own."

16. Find the silver lining

This is very hard for most people to do. In fact, more often than not you find many more people willing to judge someone else who seems to always find the silver lining in every cloud. It seems easier to tear someone down; however, the repercussions to your personal growth can be disastrous.

There is always some good in every situation no matter how bleak it may seem; make the extra effort to consistently look for it. No matter how others might criticize you for your optimism – do it anyway. When you are able to see the glass consistently as half full, your attitude is always up which means your aptitude goes up and ultimately your altitude.

17. Laugh

Nuff said!

18. Check your ego

This is supremely important when it comes to succeeding. As one of my mentors puts it, ego stands for "edges greatness out." Truly successful individuals are always aware of their ego and how much damage it can do when you let it run wild. Practice humility in all situations; in ego, there is infinite ignorance – in humility there is infinite wisdom.

When you can check your ego at the door, many doors remain open to you that would otherwise be closed. I can speak from personal experience to say that nothing good comes from allowing your ego to govern your choices. It is not about you – it's about YOU!

19. Stow your pride

Ego and pride walk hand-in-hand. Pride has destroyed many a men and women in a myriad of ways. There is nothing wrong with being proud of your accomplishments; however, when pride leads you to remain ignorant while pretending to be knowledgeable, no good comes of it.

Pride ushers in arrogance and sense of entitlement without work. If you haven't earned it by paying the price, you do not deserve it and the universe will quickly bring you back down to earth one way or another. Pride houses the danger of the false belief that you are more important than you actually are. People are always turned off by this and you will find it extremely difficult to achieve much success when your choices are riddled with pride.

20. Don't do you

Most of you have heard this before; some of you may have even said it. I know I have before. It goes "I'm going to just do me" or something to that effect. Many times you ask people how they are doing and their response is "I'm just doing me."

Let me implore you – don't do you! Do not fall for this negative mindset masquerading as a strong and progressive one. It isn't – nothing could be further from the truth. When you adopt the mindset of "doing me", it forces you to focus on yourself which leads to selfishness. You no longer make choices that are aligned with your core values and beliefs. Instead, they are directed by whether or not, your choices serve you – you become more and more self-serving. This is a slippery slope because no real success has ever come without helping others be successful.

21. Do something different

"Observe the masses and do the opposite." That's what my Dad always said. When you do things differently, it always seem to stick out. Now, I am not saying that you should do something differently just to be different. Make sure that whatever difference you are making – it is of value to others.

Just remember that innovation – creating something new and different is one of the 7 ways to add killer value to anything.

22. Do the right thing

"Managers do things right; leaders do the right things." Be a leader tomorrow in order to guarantee your success. No matter how hard it may seem, always do the right thing. I know that it is often not as black and white as we'd like it – believe me – I can tell you from experience that it is often hard.

The point is though that the more you can do the right thing by yourself and others, the more successful you will be in your endeavors. Doing the right thing always feels way better than not. So, as much as you can aim to do the right things like all effective and truly successful leaders.

23. Ask questions

If you are going to make a difference in people's lives, it is imperative that you ask a lot of questions. Through questions, you raise your awareness and knowledge. When you ask questions, you make others feel valuable – as if they matter. When you ask questions about others, they have a greater tendency to open up to you.

24. Listen actively

Just as it is important to ask questions, that can be an exercise in futility unless you genuinely listen. As one of my mentors puts it, "Listening is a gift, give it often." When you truly listen to others, the trust level goes up and they feel even more validated because they believe that you truly care about their plight.

By actively listening to others, you will not only learn a great deal more, you will also have better insights on how to create and deliver value to others. All truly successful individuals are master listeners.

25. Love yourself

This is easier said than done – I assure you. Loving yourself means that you must truly accept, appreciate and approve of the authentic you. It is vital that you raise your awareness about who you truly are so that you can make better choices to become who you truly want to be.

26. Love everyone

Once you have learned how to love yourself, it becomes easier to love others. When I say love everyone, I simply mean that your actions towards others must come from a place of love. If you find it difficult to act lovingly towards someone, then inaction may be the most loving thing you can do. When you truly seek to show love to everyone, it frees up your energy so that you can put it into more productive and significant endeavors.

Ever wonder what that heavy feeling is inside when certain people enter a room? Yes, you know what I am talking about. Let that go – you don't need to carry someone else's weakness around. It's not your burden to bear so drop it.

27. Pay it forward

Don't forget the good deeds that others so for you. The best way you can give back in the like is to do something for someone else. Pay it forward – this is how the ripple effect gets wider. When you pay it forward, you not only make differences in the lives of others but you also expand your circle of influence. The larger your circle of influence, the higher the probability you will succeed in your goals.

28. Focus on your needs

Most people mistakenly focus more on their wants which usually leads to dead end and repeated disappointments. Even if you get some of what you want using this mindset, it is almost always short-lived. The truth is that in order to get what you want; you have to focus on your needs. It is only when your needs are met that your wants come to fruition long term.

29. Face your fears

Achieving success in everything you do tomorrow will most certainly require that you face your fears. We all have fears; however, truly successful individuals face their fears; they accept them and forge ahead courageously in the pursuit of right action. The whole point of facing your fears is to ensure that they do not paralyze you and cause stagnation.

30. Give it all you've got

This one goes without saying; however, I am still going to say it. You cannot achieve your goals if you put in "half-assed" efforts. It just won't happen. The sad truth is that so many people consistently put in lack-luster performance and consistently expect gleaming results – I don't get it! Do not be this person – give it all you've got – your very best every time and then live with the results. I guarantee you that you will feel a whole lot better about yourself even when you fall short.

31. Don't give up

Just as you're giving it all you've got – make sure you don't give up! Malcolm Forbes said it best when asked the question, "How do you succeed?" His reply was "Never give up." You know when you put all of these insights together; they are actually meaningless unless you stay the course. If you give up, the rest doesn't matter – does it?

Stay in the game; be proactive and go forth courageously in pursuit of your dreams and goals.

Well, there you have it…

These are 31 little ways you can guarantee that you succeed in everything you do tomorrow. The best part is that you don't have to practice these all at once. Some of them you may already be doing. Just choose a few to begin with, be diligent and once you've mastered one area – move on to the next.

Here's to your success and good luck!

 

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The Whole Person Concept

Too often, we forget that a person is made up of more stuff that we show gratitude and appreciation for. I have never known the days when it was standard to look at each person as a Whole Person.

That might sound a bit odd – BUT – think about it a moment…

How do you view the people in your life? Can you honestly say you see them as a whole or do you just look at and relate to them in part?

The world's greatest resource is people and to view them any less than as a whole is truly a disservice to them and you. This article focuses on the "Whole Person Concept." Essentially, it means truly viewing each person to whom you are connected in completeness.

The more you can see, understand, appreciate and show gratitude for all that a person is, the better the results you will achieve in your personal growth. Furthermore, the more you truly see a person for all that they are, the greater value you are able to add to their lives. Basically, the Whole Person Concept is a sure way to fuel motivation, empowerment, hope and ultimately true success.

The Whole Person Concept says that a person is made up of 4 quadrants – body, mind, heart and spirit. Truly successful individuals understand the importance of growing positively in all these areas. None of these are neglected in the equation because the health of each determines how high you will climb. To the degree that you can nurture and develop the 4 quadrants of you and also in others, the results you and they achieve will mirror alike.

For instance, I could, and I have, ask 100 people in a room "How many believe that the individuals that work for your organization possess more talent, more creativity and more passion than your current job requires or even allows?" Almost 100% of the time more than 90% of the people in that room raise their hands.

Now I don't know about you but to me that is a crying shame – utterly despicable. Why would any company want to hire a half a person or only part of a person? It makes perfect sense why we continue to see declines in productivity and efficiency. No one is truly valued and therefore remain unmotivated and unfulfilled. This is a recipe for lackluster results to say the least.

The Whole Person Concept requires that you tap into all 4 parts of the human make-up; body, mind, heart and spirit.

The Body

The body represents health, goods and services – it is where we meet our physical needs. Taking care of the body is crucial to your personal growth and success simply because we live in a physical world. Without a healthy body, one becomes lethargic, lazy and unmotivated.

As it relates to body, it is also important to understand the underlying symbol such as goods and services. If your goods and services are below standard, have little value and meet the needs of no one – they are useless. In other words, taking care of the body does not just mean your physical body; but also that of your work as well as your goods and services. These are also elements of the body.

Companies that put in place a strategic focus on health, work-life balance and the importance of a healthier lifestyle continue to see increases year after year in productivity, efficiency and overall morale. No matter what else is going on in the economy, when the needs of the body are met, increases in almost every area is automatic.

This is the reason it is so important not only to nurture and develop the body in positive ways but also to help others do the same.

The Mind

So often we fail to treat people like people and instead treat them more like machines. This is a prevalent condition in the corporate world. In fact, I find it absolutely ludicrous that in this day and age, you still find machines on the asset side of the balance sheet while people remain on the liability side of the balance sheet.

The truth is that it is extremely imperative for growth that we focus on tapping into and building the minds of others. Too often, people's true gifts and talents are overlooked because someone is following what it meant to be a guide as if it's the end all be all of knowledge.

The Whole Person Concept demands that you seek to grow your mind and tap into the minds of others. Find out what other people are truly good at and then help them to cultivate that in an effort to create and distribute value to others in unique ways.

So many times when you hear people complain about work, you hear about what the company is doing wrong and how no one listens to them. This is the cry of more than 90% of all employees working everywhere. This to me is a travesty.

Instead of telling people how to do something, simply relay the results you are trying to achieve and then turn them loose to find the best ways to accomplish the task. Give them the mission, make sure that they buy in and then refrain from policing their methods in how they achieve the goal.

I guarantee that the more you can do this for yourself and others, the greater the results you will achieve. A major reason for this is that people will more quickly commit to and promote what they help to create.

Remember that in the mind lives your true gifts and talents and through the body you can bring these to life. Any limitations on this will limit your personal growth and the results you achieve.

The Heart

The heart is where your true passion lives; it is where your innermost desires are born. Countless people go about their lives every day wishing for the moment when they will get the opportunity to truly do what they are passionate about.

In my experience, it does you no good to wait around for the opportunity to come to you – go forth and create it. Too many times, companies and people forget to find out what really drives others. It is important to know what makes people get out of bed in the morning – what people would do whether they got paid or not.

Think about it…

If money were no object, what would you be doing with your time? Are you doing that right now?

I am almost certain that most people would have to answer No to the second question. The sad fact is that 99% of people do not spend the bulk of their time doing what they are truly passionate about – what they truly love to do. Companies focus even less on tapping into this part of a person. They seem to function on the premise that as long as their ends are achieved, all is good. All the while though, frustration, depression and ultimately turnover begins to plague that organization. Companies with smart leadership do the opposite and see tremendous success because of it.

Even when people stay on the job, it is often just because they need a paycheck – a portion of which they spend deriving their fulfillment off the job.

In order to bring out the true greatness in others, focus on helping them to realize and develop their true passion. Passionate people always deliver better results. When you feel passionate about what you are doing, motivation, hope and empowerment all become second nature. This is a recipe for greatness.

When you are able to match people's gifts and talents with what they are passionate about, the possibilities become limitless in the success you can achieve.

The Spirit

In order to make significant strides in your personal growth and help others to grow, it is vital that you nurture and grow the spirit. The spirit is where your conscience lives – this is your inner compass. Your core values and beliefs are formed here. This is the helm from which you direct the other 3 quadrants.

The spirit tells you whether or not what you are doing is right. It validates your choices; either they are aligned with your true beliefs or they are not. When we make choices that are directed by our spirit, the results we achieve will most certainly be greater by leaps and bounds.

Just to be clear, the spirit does not necessarily have anything to do with your religious beliefs. It is more about making choices that come from your inner blueprint – the mantra by which you live your life. The spirit is where you decipher whether or not through your passion, your true gifts and talents and your service – you are truly creating and distributing value to others. The spirit is at the nucleus of body, mind and heart. Working together, they are more powerful than most can imagine.

The Whole Person

You can never truly see a person unless you can appreciate and show gratitude for all 4 quadrants of that person. True greatness comes from building all 4 – making them strong. To achieve significant strides in your personal growth, it is imperative that you understand this concept and endeavor to develop each of the 4 quadrants in yourself. Once you begin to do that, helping others to achieve the same will become a habit.

Too often parts of us sit on the sidelines waiting for the coach to put us in the game. I say stop waiting – get off the sidelines and just get in the game. The only person stopping you is you.

 

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Faith Is Not Blind

Contrary to popular belief, there is no such thing as "blind faith."

Let's let that sink in a bit… ok – ready?

Most, if not all, of us have heard this term at one point or another. It is most often used in religious settings when referring to the Almighty – the Supreme Being – the Creator. Essentially, the idea of blind faith is to believe in something that you are told exists, yet perhaps not totally aware of. Furthermore, when operating in blind faith, the goal is to believe without questioning why.

Of course, being conditioned not to ever question "why" is the surest way to spread the ravenous disease known as "Unconscious Incompetence."

Unconscious Incompetence is the base level of awareness that sadly plagues the vast majority of us in insurmountable ways. Basically, it means that not only aren't you aware of yourself or your surroundings, you are oblivious to any solutions to the disease with which you have been stricken.

I know… it doesn't sound pleasant – does it?

The good news is that there is a SIMPLE cure for this disease and it starts with understanding that there is no such thing as "blind faith."

In fact, the truth is that most people who talk of blind faith are in the business of controlling the minds of others through fear and wonder. Whether they are aware of it or not is the only portion up for question; however, this is essentially what they are attempting to do when they impose upon you the charge to be ok with remaining dumb, unseen and unheard.

I don't mean to sound harsh on the concept of blind faith; however, it is imperative that you understand where I am coming from in order to receive the greatest benefit from what I am about to say in the next paragraphs.

Real change demands questions

No real change or great benefit and impact ever came about without someone first asking questions. In fact, part of our unique purpose includes consistently seeking ways to be better and make others better through our actions. This requires that we question the status quo.

Those who ask questions are seekers of knowledge and agents of change; those who do not are enforcers of ignorance and agents of stagnation.

My dad use to always say, "Observe the masses and do the opposite." I didn't realize what he was trying to tell me then in my youth; however, I have come to understand and believe in this quote. The fact is that most real change occurs when the few question the many; when the minority stand against the majority; when right is overwhelmed by wrong.

One man standing on his core values and beliefs is far better than a thousand standing on someone else's.

This is why real change demands questions. In order for us to share with the world our best selves, we must know why we are doing what we are doing; why we think the way we think. This is the only way to know what is truly important to you and the person you want to be.

Ignorance is not bliss

Ignorance only feels good in the moment; however, when the consequences begin to take toll, ignorance becomes far more painful. For many, the price is often unbearable and even sadder, most often, people are not even aware of why this pain exists in their lives.

This is because ignorance is not bliss; it can be rather painful and also do almost irreparable damage. Being unaware of yourself and those around you not only robs you of your true nature but also robs the world of your unique greatness. It is in all of us; we are all meant to do great things – we each have a unique and powerful purpose. Sadly, most of us will never realize this potential and it is mostly caused by ignorance.

Choosing to remain unaware and live in ignorance is the same as making the choice to deny your true self and worse, the entire world of your true greatness. Think about this the next time you even have the faintest thought to believe or utter the words ignorance is bliss.

Principles determine consequence

While we determine our own fates through the choices that we make; principles determine all consequence we endure. Whether we are aware of it or not or believe it or not, principles govern the level of pain or pleasure that we feel.

Certainly, our choices govern the results we ultimately achieve BUT principles govern how we reap. Essentially, the principle of choice and results say we reap what we sow; what we put out comes back to us ten and even a thousand times over. Once you understand principles and the fact that they operate in our lives unyieldingly, unbiased and unwavering, you will truly understand why blind faith does not really exist.

Principles are like "true north"; no matter where you think north is, it won't change the true direction of north. It's not something that we can vote on or solicit opinions on; north is SIMPLY north.

When we make choices grounded in correct principle – abiding by natural law – the consequences we reap will most assuredly be good. Of course, the exact opposite is also true. When we make choices that are not grounded in correct principle – that do not abide by natural law – the consequences we reap will be ill.

The important thing to understand here is that it doesn't matter what we believe; principles exist and operate impartially in our lives every single day. These are universal laws that affect each and every one of us; they govern the consequences we endure which are based on the choices we make.

Faith is a principle

It is important to understand that faith is a principle. The principle of faith essentially says that belief and confidence in and your level of conviction about something are what fuel your actions in being devout.

Here's the thing though…

If what you have faith in is grounded in correct principle, then the consequences you reap through your devotion to it will most certainly be good. Of course, the exact opposite is also true. If you choose to have faith in something that is not grounded in correct principle, then the consequences you reap will most certainly be ill.

It doesn't matter whether or not you are aware of the nature of what you believe in – if you choose to remain ignorant – the consequences will still be determined by principles.

This means that it is imperative that you always understand why you are doing what you are doing. This does not mean that you necessarily have to see something with your own eyes to believe it exists; however, it does mean that you must understand why you believe it.

Asking what things mean is not only important but also crucial to understanding who you are.

As it is faith is most often used in religious settings and this is where it tends to be most powerful and intense. It stands to reason then that it is in this realm where it is even more important to make choices that are grounded in correct principle.

In other words, saying that you believe in God and then participating in ungodly deeds such as control, manipulation and limitation does not adhere to universal law. No one has a monopoly on the truth.

Once you understand that faith is a principle; then you can begin to understand that the term "blind faith" is simply another way of saying just believe without knowing why. This is a choice to live in ignorance – to remain stricken with the disease of Unconscious Incompetence.

You see, faith is not blind – just often misdirected. The consequences of those people and things that you have faith in will come to past and will be determined by principles. It matters not that you believe it or are aware of it. It's going to happen anyway so just accept it.

If you cannot accept this, the road ahead will be difficult for you.

Fear and wonder

If you truly think about it; anyone that asks you to simply have blind faith is operating on ego. What he/she is basically saying is that they know something you don't; I am the chosen authority and I choose not to share the information because you are not capable of making your own choices to govern your life.

This is just another way to control others through fear and wonder. As one of my colleagues put it – many people have a "F.O.M.O." which means fear of missing out. Often times when a person or group of people wants to control others, they use this tactic to draw them in and then conjure up horrible consequences for non-compliance.

Those who hoard knowledge seek to control and spread tyranny; those who share knowledge seek to uplift and spread equality.

I won't ask you to believe what I have written in this article blindly – I invite you to ask questions and find your own path.

 

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The Pinnacle of Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is probably one of the most critical elements of personal growth. How well you know yourself directly impacts the level at which you can improve yourself. If you do not know who you are, you will find it extremely difficult to achieve the results you desire.

Knowing who you are is extremely important in order for you make choices that truly move you closer to your ultimate goals. This means that you must be willing to take a hard and honest look at who you are so that you can make healthy choices to improve in your personal growth and become who you truly want to be.

The goal of this article is to help you understand what it means to achieve the pinnacle of self-awareness and the importance and striving to do so.

There are essentially 3 parts that make up the pinnacle of self-awareness. If you are able to practice and improve in these 3 areas, the choices you make and the results you achieve will help you achieve your goals much more efficiently and fruitfully.

1. Know Thyself

To achieve highly self-aware, it is important that you know who you truly are. This is not just about personality and superficial fluff – this is about knowing and understanding your character.

In this respect, it is crucially important that you are honest with yourself – even if it hurts. In fact, if you really want to know who you are and you want honest feedback, ask someone you trust and respect whom you know will tell you the painful truth.

Unless you become painfully aware of your shortcomings, it will be difficult for you to achieve long-term and significant success in your personal growth.

The pinnacle of self-awareness requires that you take a long hard look at yourself and then decide who you want to become. Without an honest assessment of who you are today, I assure you that it will prove an uphill battle to become who you truly want to be tomorrow.

To put it bluntly, if you are a thief and you know you're a thief – you have to be willing, courageous and honest in admitting to that. This is the only way to move forward and change that part of your character.

You see, the major mistake that many individuals make is that they do not look at their character when making these assessments; they only look at the more superficial elements usually driven by personality. Believe me there are plenty of comedic thieves out there that while making you keel over in belly-aching laughter could easily also be stealing your lunch.

The point here is that it is absolutely imperative that you are honest with you about who you are; the pinnacle of self-awareness demands it.

2. Love Thyself

The second part to the pinnacle of self-awareness is to love thyself. I know that it sounds like a pretty elementary concept; however, most fail to understand its true meaning and power.

Loving yourself requires that you truly accept, appreciate and approve of who you are. When you look in the mirror, you have to love what you see looking back at you.

Surely, this does not mean that if you are a thief – you should simply endeavor to go about loving the thief in you unless that's who you truly want to be. Of course, if this is the case – be prepared to reap all the consequences.

However, the goal is to love not only the person you see but also the person whom you are striving to become. You see, in order to begin your journey to become the new you, first you have to know the current you and love the current you. This way you can make much healthier choices in how to proceed.

The point is that while you may not be able to love the character of the current you, you can certainly love the part of your character that wants to become a better you in the first place. This is why it is important to accept, appreciate and approve of you. When you can do this genuinely, you will immediately find that it becomes a lot easier to make choices that truly impact your life significantly.

Don't be afraid to love yourself no matter what you honest self-assessment might uncover about you. The truth is that pursuing the pinnacle of self-awareness requires that you not only know who you are truly but also that you love who you are. And, if you are seeking to be better than you are today, it's definitely worth loving that character of personal growth and change within you.

Furthermore, when you truly love yourself, it teaches you how to love others. This is the true lesson behind the saying "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Experiencing the good feelings when you treat yourself the way you truly love to be treated helps you to express and give back to others in ways that allow them to experience the same. This is incredible not only for you but also for those you connect with.

The pinnacle of self-awareness requires that you truly love yourself and only do to and for you the things that make you truly feel loved.

3. Give Thyself

The third part to the pinnacle of self-awareness is to give thyself. Giving to you simply means that you seek to give completely only that which is healthy to your body, mind, heart and spirit.

OK, a little deep… let me explain.

You see, individuals who are highly self-aware give each of the 4 quadrants of themselves all the things they need to grow in a healthy way. In fact, as it relates you improving your personal growth, feeding the body, mind, heart and spirit with the proper food is a major component of cultivating wisdom.

In a nutshell it is important that you do to the 4 quadrants of you only things that help each grow positively. What this means is that you feed them nothing that has an adverse effect on their performance.

Certainly, no one is perfect – we all do things to ourselves that affect us in negative ways. My point here is to simply demonstrate that the more things you can do to uplift and positively grow the body, mind, heart and spirit – the easier it will be to achieve your goals.

Furthermore, as in loving yourself, the more you understand your needs and what to give yourself, the more you will be able to understand the needs of others and be able to give to them in ways that significantly impact their lives.

For a more in-depth view of how you can feed your body, mind, heart and spirit with the right foods, please read How to Develop and Cultivate Wisdom.

Practicing these 3 elements will undoubtedly make you more keenly self-aware than you have ever been. To achieve the pinnacle of self-awareness, it is important that you are in tune with all 3 of these.

The more highly self-aware you are, the greater the successes you achieve in your personal growth, development and in your dreams and goals. This is because the better you understand who you truly are, the more focused and powerful the choices you make.

So remember, know thyself, love thyself and give thyself.

 

 

 

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Check Out the New Me!

Finally – a new look and I feel that I truly like!

I have been toying with this for a while now; just to give the website a much needed enhancement. This look is definitely more representative of the content and me. Well, at least that's what I think.

What about you?

I would love to hear what you think. After all, you have been supporting me in my journey with this blog and I wouldn't be here without YOU.

With that said, please leave a comment with your thoughts or send me an email. I would appreciate any feedback you have on the new look and feel of DLF.COM.

Thank you so much for the love and support.

 

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It’s Not You… It’s Me

What a burning shame

So many who know not what they do or say kicking dirt on my name

Their mean words penetrate

Making me feel tattered and battered; a mere patch of dried grass on which to defecate

Overcome by depression

As I wallow in my blinding ignorance unaware of the cause of my own futile aggression

Why can't I see?

That the only way to be free is to realize that it's not you… it's me

 

So terrible you wish me ill

Yet and still I am addicted to your barrage of verbal pain like a pill

Love me or love me not

I keep leaving me behind waiting to be defined by you because I think you're all I've got

I am simply not enough

But you're my one-stop shop for props to hold me up when times are rough

And in my ignorance of how to be

I just can't seem to understand that to be free, I have to realize that it's not you… it's me

 

Oh, what now?

Here comes another know-it-all telling me to turn my frown upside down

As if you truly know my plight

Or how the world always makes me feel like I can only exist in the modes of fight or flight

Eyes wide shut

I don't know whether I am in bliss or the abyss until you kiss me or punch me in the gut

Some say it's as easy as 1-2-3

But I just can't believe I'm already free; if only I would realize that it's not you… it's me

 

Tears trickle down my cheek

And still I protract the façade of being a victim of the system which keeps me weak

Sink or swim, stand or fall

I constantly live in the aftermath of my chosen path; my choice, my doing, my call

Hell today, Heaven tomorrow

It might feel strange but I can still change; choose sweet happiness and discard sorrow

Cliché though it may be

I'll never be truly free until I truly believe; I must realize that it's not you… it's me

 

~Ode to truly seeing you

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Life Without Limitations

You've probably heard the usual drivel about living life without limitations. And yes, you've probably also heard a good deal of useful information on the same; either way, it is not always easy to grasp or apply. In my experience, I have found that much of this information fail to put 2 very important elements into perspective.

In fact, I further believe that without having these 2 elements in the proper perspective; it will prove much more difficult to achieve your personal growth objectives and overcome limitations. This is why, I want to approach living a life without limitations from a totally different aspect; my goal is to help you understand and clarify the importance of the 2 elements often left out – Learning Styles and Our Views.

Preface

It can often be hard to truly believe in infinite possibilities; especially since most of our formative years are inundated by limiting conditioning. Even in most schools growing up, we are often taught that there are only but so many ways you can do something – many times you are led to believe there is in fact just one way to do most things.

To make matters worse, we are often provided only one way to learn even though it is a well-known fact that individuals learn differently. This is very important to understand before you can begin to grasp the mindset of a life without limitations.

What's your learning style?

There are in fact 3 learning styles:

1. Auditory – some people learn best and absorb information much more quickly by listening. These individuals excel whenever information is presented to them in this format which allows them to interpret what they hear in their own way. They learn best through lectures, discussions and debate.

    

2. Visual – other people grasp information much more quickly when they can see a demonstration or examples of what they are learning. It is important for the visual learner to be able to see what is happening in order to absorb the information fully. These individuals must be able to see expression and body language which helps them understand the information more thoroughly.

    

3. Kinesthetic – these types of learners have to get their hands in the mix. They need to be able to touch whatever it is that they are supposed to grasp in order to fully understand the information. They learn by touching, moving and doing; workshop and interactive presentations work best for these folks.

The importance of pointing out the different learning styles to help you further understand how limiting our conditioning can be just through growing up and schooling. As we move even further into adulthood, that narrow approach seems to get even narrower – for most people anyway.

In order to truly live a life without limitations, it is crucial that you not only understand what kind of learner you are but also how to truly change your mindset from one of limiting to one of abundance.

You see, one of the main reasons so many find it difficult to overcome challenges or to believe in infinite possibilities is because they do not understand how they learn best. When you do not understand what type of learner you are, goals move a lot farther away from you and become much more difficult to achieve. This of course leads to frustration and the "I can't" attitude that limits most of us.

With that said, the goal of this article is to help you understand that a life without limitations is indeed possible. You only have to believe it and then pay the price to discover what you need to do to manifest this in your life. Your personal growth will most certainly improve significantly and much more rapidly once you are able to grasp this concept.

Before you move on, you can choose to take a test to figure out what kind of learner you are.

Where to begin

Living a life without limitations begins with your level of belief in your abilities. The most important ability we all have is that of choice; it's important that you understand that all things are precipitated by choice. Either by yours or someone else's but nonetheless, our choices determine the results we ultimately achieve.

We have what we have and we are where we are because of the choices we've made. Whether you are aware of it or not or believe it or not – this is a universal principle – it is unbiased and unchanging.

Once you understand what type of learner you are then you will be much more equipped to deal with the second part of developing a limitless mindset. You will most certainly be a lot more effective in your pursuits and personal growth improvements than you would be otherwise.

SEE-FEEL-DO-GET

Removing personal growth and success limitations requires that you understand the "see-feel-do-get" concept. Essentially, the principle is this: how we SEE things, affects how we FEEL, which affects what we DO, which determines the results we ultimately GET.

You see, it is truly a changing of your mindset that is needed to remove limitations.

We all have conditioned beliefs that are based on our experiences – it is these experiences that fuel our level of awareness which directly affects how we see things. The way we see things always influence how we feel; for example:

Let's say that you have a best friend who has always been there for you no matter what. One day you find yourself in a financial bind and of course the first person you can think of from which to borrow money. When you approach your friend however, he/she not only says no but also begins to withdraw from you. Now you are left wondering what is wrong with your friend and even whether or not this is a true friend at all.

Based on your experience with this person, you see him/her as your best friend – one who is always there for you no matter what. With this new hiccup, you now begin to think differently; you might even consider that this person isn't a true friend.

Let's look at it another way…

What if you knew in advance that your best friend had been burned twice before by friends that he/she thought were true friends? He/she loaned money in the past and it created negative relationships between them. Would that piece of information not make you think differently? You may even consider not even asking your best friend for money knowing what his/her past experience has been – right?

This is an oversimplified analogy perhaps; however, I think it gets the point across. This is why the way we SEE a particular situation will always affect how we FEEL about it.

Once you check your feelings; what you do will always follow in like form. For instance in the example above, you might begin to reconsider your friendship with this person due to their actions and how it made you feel. Of course, you would feel differently if you had the information about your best friends past which would cause you to DO something totally different.

And of course, depending on what you DO, what you GET will be a direct result of your choice in action. On the one hand, you could end up ending a friendship and on the other; you may develop a deeper understanding of each other and even become closer.

As it pertains to developing the mindset in order to live a life without limitations, you must be able to change first the way you SEE things. The point is that there is always an answer to overcoming any challenge you might face. This is where the most difficult blockage lies for most – the belief that you are unable to change the way you view yourself and the world around you.

If you think deeply about this, you will see that it is downright asinine to perpetuate this belief even one second longer. I mean think about it…

Refusing to believe you can change the way you SEE something is like saying that you will continue to believe the same thing on Wednesday as you did on Monday no matter what happened on Tuesday.

Really?

Man hits himself on his thumb with a hammer on Monday and goes to the doctor on Tuesday; he says "Doc, my thumb hurts badly." Doc says "why does your thumb hurt so badly?" Man says, "I keep hitting it with a hammer." Doc says, "Ok, take two of these pills and please stop hitting your thumb with a hammer."

Man comes back on Wednesday and says "Hey doc, my thumb hurts again – can you give me two more pills please?" Doc says, "Sure, but please tell me why your thumb hurts this time?" Man says, "Doc, I keep hitting it with a hammer." Doc says, "I can give you two more pills for your pain symptoms; however, it won't cure your problem." Man says, "Doc I don't understand, what is my problem?" "Well", said the doc as he hits the man on his thumb with a hammer, "I've got no pills to cure stupidity!"

Are you getting the picture here? We all have the power to change the way we SEE any situation; especially when you are aware of the obstacle or the problem. The truth is that as your level of awareness increases, it becomes easier to see other possibilities. For some of us (most), it sadly does not seem to work this way.

Once you are able to change the way you SEE things, how you FEEL, what you DO and the results you GET will also change to mirror your view.

Life Without Limitations

What does this have to do with living a life without limitations?

It's SIMPLE – once you begin to truly believe that you have the ability to change the way you SEE things, believing in limitless possibilities becomes a lot easier. You see, it all boils down to how you see yourself and the world around you. If you can truly believe that no matter what the situation, there is always an answer, then you can begin to live a life without limitations.

As you continue to change the way you SEE things to ultimately affect the results you desire, possibilities will be endless.

You know, one of the most incredible discoveries I have ever come across is how freeing it is when you allow your spirit – your conscience – to guide your choices. Rather than simply appeasing your physical circumstance, lead with the spirit and allow the heart, mind and body to follow.

Leading with the spirit fosters the belief in limitless possibilities. Everything is first spiritual before it is manifested in the physical world.

Living a life without limitations essentially means that you embrace and believe in the following:

All things are possible; you can always change the way you see things and that you have the ability to choose your own destiny.

 

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My Personal Spiritual Journey

I was inspired to write this article for 3 reasons.

First, because I have been consciously evolving in a spiritual way for most of my life and this article is in part an evolution of my spirituality and also a way of helping me develop a deeper understanding of my journey.

Second, because experience has taught me that spiritual growth often times can be a confusing and even arduous endeavor; gaining clarity is supremely important.

Third, my sincere hope is that my journey thus far helps you overcome any challenges you might be facing in your own spiritual pursuits. Although this entire article is about my spiritual journey, my goal as always when I write an article is that it creates value for you in some way.

This is a very personal topic and it is with sincere love and respect that I put fingers to keyboard to bring it to life. My hope is that you find value in the evolution of the message.

In the beginning…

I was raised to be a Christian. My parents have a deep and abiding belief in God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. In growing up, my parents obviously passed on the best of themselves to me and my siblings. Part of this was of course how they chose to pursue their spirituality – to achieve connection to the divine creator.

In this vein, I was taught to believe in God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. I went to church, read the King James Bible and prayed every day (Well almost every day… ). During my childhood up to my teens, You could say that by all accounts I was a Christian.

By the time I reached my mid teens though, I noticed that I started to struggle with my Christian beliefs. I became unsure of what I was truly supposed to believe and what it truly meant to me. At the time, it didn't seem like such a big deal – I mean I had girls to think about – oh yeah – and school too.

What was certain was that I was very unsure of where my spirituality was going – I wasn't even sure at the time whether or not I thought it was truly important. Still, I was still Christian, still attending church and still reading the bible and praying because I thought it was the right thing to do. For the first time in my spiritual journey, I was truly searching for my own answers.

What happened next…

Over the next few years through my experiences, I began to feel very differently. I started to look at religion and spirituality in a new way. I no longer saw the point of any religion – in fact, I thought that they were all powerful devices designed to control others through fear and wonder.

With this new found enlightenment, I became rebellious against organized religion and began to pursue the Atheist beliefs. Essentially, in my late teens up to my mid twenties, I truly believed that there was no God and certainly no such thing as heaven or hell. I believed that my thoughts were my own – derived through my own internal motivation and inspiration. I did not believe in any life after physical death.

Furthermore, I was sure that the body, mind, heart and spirit although connected were in fact just different pieces in the same puzzle. I thought that what affected one did not necessarily affect the other.

Some of these feelings and new found beliefs were brought on by some of the greed and controlling attitudes that I witnessed in the religious world. I saw a lot of disingenuous acts by so-called Christians that truly turned me off.

This evolution had taken me to what I now refer to as the dark side of my being where I believed in nothing. The only thing that mattered was the present and what I did to affect it. During this chapter of my life, it was all about me.

A new chapter…

Still, my spirit was not settled – I was still at war within over where I truly belonged in the spiritual sense. With all the things that we go through in life – this issue did not seem so important at the time and yet it was a big draw on my energy.

I spent a great deal of time trying to find some sense of direction – a sign of some kind that said hey – this is the way to true enlightenment. Although I did not make it a point of focus to search for such an outlet or vessel, my mind remained open to any possibility.

By this time in my life, I had also begun another journey – the pursuit of personal excellence. In so doing, I also began to share my experiences with others in an effort to help them improve their own personal growth. This new way of learning, growing and sharing seemed to come very natural to me. I began to feel truly alive in ways I hadn't experienced before.

It was through this vessel that I came upon my next spiritual evolution. I was introduced to the Palo way of life. Palo, which comes out of the African Congo, is a way of life that says that we are all connected. This way of life advocates calling upon one's ancestral spirits to provide inspiration, guidance and enlightenment. In so doing, we channel this energy to improve our lives and the lives of those you touch through what you do.

Being a part of Palo seemed to sit much better with my spiritual being. I was more in-tuned with myself – with who I am and much more aware of others and my surroundings. I began to respect all life and embrace differences. Through meditation, I was able to go into that part of myself that I admit had eluded me my whole life up until that point. The clarity in my choices that I experienced during this spiritual evolution was amazing.

The personal growth I experienced as a Palero was incredible; I can hardly describe the tremendous energy I felt every day at this point in my life.

What truly appealed to me was the concept that the body, mind, heart and spirit are one; that when these four quadrants are in alignment, true greatness occurs. As I continued to grow personally and help others to do the same, I truly began to feel the power of the universal force that binds us all working through me.

It was also during this part of my spiritual journey that I began to truly believe that I am a part of everything and that everything is a part of me. I began to understand that the universal force – the divine – was working through all of us as one even though we functioned separately. I realized that the only thing that can block our true greatness is in fact us.

As tremendous an impact that Palo has had on my personal growth and spiritual development, it too started to tug at me. As I continued to evolve personally and spiritually, there were some things about the Palo way of life that began to fall out of alignment with my core values – my inner compass. As I became more connected with who I truly am as well as more connected with others, the Palo doctrines no longer seemed to be the perfect fit. It became more like trying to stick a round peg into a square hole.

This was initially very confusing for me; however, through the great examples of my mentors and seeking true understanding, I was able to come to terms with what was happening to me.

Coming of age…

After I separated myself from the Palo way of life, a new evolution began in my spiritual growth. I read as much as I could and learned as much as I could in an effort to become even more keenly self-aware.

It had taken some time – up to my early thirties, but I finally realized what I had been searching for all along. You see, up until this point, I was always looking outward for the answers to my spiritual growth instead of looking where I needed to look in the first place – inward.

In looking within, I discovered some key things which changed my entire perspective on spirituality and gave me true direction and purpose.

My true purpose in life is to help others recognize and appreciate their true gifts and talents so that they can achieve their dreams and goals. I wrote my mission statement specifically to embody this vision.

What I discovered was that we are all here to serve each other in one way or another. Our true purpose is to create and distribute value to others through what we do. It doesn't matter so much what you do – only that you derive true fulfillment from it and that others benefit from your work.

With this in mind, and looking inward, I discovered that my core values, my true beliefs and my spiritual direction were in fact the same. In other words, I know that I am here on this physical plane to be of service; I also know that my true passion in life is the pursuit of excellence in myself and helping others find the same in themselves. I further believe that by aligning my body, mind, heart and spirit whereby my spirit is the guiding force behind my choices, I will achieve the greatest results in myself and others.

In this belief, each and every day that I am alive, I strive to be more aligned; to be more than I was yesterday and be more of a benefit in the lives of others. I endeavor to give without expectation and continue to learn new things each day.

The most incredible discovery of all at this point was that we are all in a state of constant evolution whether we are aware of it or not. To the degree that you are aware of this principle of evolution, your success in directing your power will mirror that degree.

With my own inner compass – my core values – as the guiding force in my life, I continue to feed the four quadrants of my being in the most positive ways. It's not always easy; however, it is simple once I commit to the follow through. As I continue to do this, I continue to grow in unimaginable ways that allow me to be more effective in achieving my goals and helping others to achieve theirs.

This does not mean that there is nothing else to learn from others. In fact, it is exactly the opposite. There is an unlimited amount of knowledge to gain from everyone and everything once you remain open to receiving the value in all things. This is the greatest gift of the universe; finding the value in all things. First you must believe that there is for only then will you be able to see it.

At this point in my spiritual journey, I was deeply humbled and fulfilled; not just because of where I was but even more so about where I was going. You see, my hope for the future became brighter and I truly began to believe in limitless possibilities.

I still cannot find words to explain why; however, this has been the most incredible feeling that I have ever experienced. Believing through and through, understanding and knowing in your heart of hearts that all things are possible is what fuels the never-ending circle of excellence.

No more labels…

It was through this self-discovery that I also realized what had been truly tugging at me each time I made a spiritual transition. It was the fact that each was labeled in some fashion. Each doctrine required that you give up certain things; do things a certain way or else. These infrastructures to me seemed more controlling and limiting than anything else – thus I was unable to accept them fully.

That being said, I have found something else that is truly fascinating.

Although I have not done in-depth studies on these, I have found it to be true of all major religious orders, ways of life and faiths. They are all built on these three principles:

First, that there is an existing power – energy – a universal force that is beyond our comprehension that connects us all. Whether we refer to this force as the Creator, God, Allah, Buddha, Yahweh or Tata Sambe doesn't really matter.

Second, that through our pursuit to become more connected to this source and lead others to it is where true happiness lies. The more connected we are the more success we see in all areas of our lives and the lives of others which effectively leads to greater happiness.

Third, that the more we live true to this awareness and do our very best through our choices and actions to bring others true happiness, the closer we get to this source – or as Christians say – the closer we get to God.

I truly believe in these three principles and I further believe that it doesn't matter how you pursue them so long as you do so for righteous reasons. Because of this, labels simply do not work for me in my spiritual pursuits. I believe that I have as much to learn from Christians as I do Buddhists. No one has a monopoly on the truth or in how we pursue our connection to the universal force that binds us all.

This belief of course is mine and it is personal; it has nothing to do with having you believe the same.

The truth is that whether you consider yourself a Christian, a Buddhist, a Jew, a Gentile, a Hindu, an Agnostic or you just consider yourself spiritual, no religious title will ever be as important as how you live your life.

As one unknown author puts it…

"There are limits to the time you have to live; however, there are no limits to how you live your time."

Regardless of what faith you choose to follow, the more important factor is that you endeavor to create and distribute value to others. Your choices and your actions must be grounded in correct principle – the natural laws of the universe in order for you to ascend spiritually.

So what do I know…

Everything and Nothing!

I know everything about what I believe to be true today and nothing about the evolution of tomorrow because I have not yet gone through it. This is to simply say that I know that I am in a state of constant evolution and that change is inevitable. This is the reason that it is so important to live from a principle center.

You see, it doesn't matter how much you know or how much things change, principles do not. They operate in the same manner – unbiased and unchanging no matter what. What I am saying is that there is no substitute for doing the right things.

As it relates to my (your) spiritual growth, so long as you truly believe in your heart of hearts that your actions are the right thing to do, you feed your spiritual growth in the most positive ways. Certainly when you do something that is not righteous, the consequences will be the same whether you are aware of it or not. The difference is that if you truly were unaware that your actions were negative and you live from a principle center, changing your direction will be an easy decision.

All of this in summary just means that spiritual growth takes place in many ways and comes in many forms. What I have learned is that you have to do what makes the most sense for you.

In other words, if being a Buddhist helps you put your best self forward in improving your life and the lives of others, by all means go with that. As long as your inner compass stays pointed on true north, you're good.

There truly is no wrong or right in any religion – only in the way we interpret their principles and live our lives. This means that it is not the label that grows your spirituality; it is what you give and what you do.

It is only when you are open to receive the wisdom and energy of that divine connection that connects us all – only then can you truly experience the power of the universal energy working through you.

And the saga continues…

My spiritual journey continues and will infinitely be in a state of constant evolution. The more I grow personally and the more aware I become, the more aligned I will be. Furthermore, I believe that we are all meant for greatness; we have only to truly believe it to manifest it.

Spiritually, I have never been clearer about how to pursue my spiritual growth. What works for me is a life without labels; I love to learn from everyone and everything. It is extremely important to me that I remain free of devices that alter my choices simply based on an organized doctrine. My choices are made from a center of principle – well most of the time anyway – after all I am no angel.

All I am simply saying is that when I am putting my best self forward, my aim is always to do the right thing. I allow my spirit – my conscience to guide my choices and actions. I operate in service to others and I truly seek to find the best in all situations.

Whether you believe it or not, I am connected to you and you are connected to me; we are all connected to each other. To me that means that the more I elevate my consciousness and help others to elevate theirs in my own way, the more connected we become and the closer we are to that universal force that binds us all.

In a nutshell, while my spiritual journey will continuously evolve, the principles by which I pursue my spirituality and my life will remain the same.

FAQ…

Ok, so I can imagine if you've read this far, you probably have a few bubbling questions. At least, I know I would after reading this.

Well, you can always drop me a note if you want to know more.

In the meantime, I've anticipated that the following questions may be some of the more burning ones that are begging for answers. I will attempt to answer them right here right now.

Q: Do you believe in God and the Devil?

A: Yes; however, perhaps not in the same way most might. I believe that the universal force (God) that binds us all lives in all of us and to the degree that we believe and are aware of this, the more connected we become.

It stands to reason then that I believe that there is a universal force that can separate us (Devil); therefore, the less we believe and the less aware we are, the more disconnected we become.

To me, God and the Devil is how we collectively choose to channel the universal force that binds us all. I do not believe that God and the Devil are one and separate beings from one another but rather two sides of the same force that is connected to everyone and everything.

Q: Do you believe in Heaven and Hell?

A: Again, yes; however, probably not in the traditional sense. Heaven and Hell I believe are created by the choices we make right here and right now. I do not believe that these are separate places where we go when we die but rather the realities that we create while we live.

Heaven then would be represented by true happiness and hell by utter despair and sadness. I believe that if you choose to pursue excellence and endeavor to create and distribute value to others in a way that truly fulfills and enriches your life and the lives of others that you will effectively create your heaven.

In that vein, I believe that the opposite is true for creating your own hell. If you only pursue the worst in yourself, create and distribute no value for others and continue to live an empty unfulfilling life, you will effectively create your hell.

Essentially, I do not believe that heaven and hell are physical places but rather states of being.

Q: What do you believe happens when we die?

A: I DON'T KNOW! Truthfully, I could never even formulate an answer for this because until it happens or someone who has died tells you, I don't think you can know.

But, the question is what do I believe happens… right? Well, I believe that we simply go back to being a part of that universal force that binds us all – just in a different form. This is because I also believe that this physical life is only one state of being and that everything is first spiritual before it is physical.

I truly hope that this article has helped you in some way in your own spiritual journey. If you have any more questions, please feel free to contact me.

Happy evolving!

 

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The Seed of Hope

My friend Sam writes a pretty impressive blog called The Seed of Hope. I absolutely love the work that he does with this blog; it is truly inspiring. It is not really a surprise that the name of Sam's blog is now one of my article titles because my friend's blog truly drives home the whole point of planting seeds of hope.

The goal of this article is to help raise your awareness to the fact that we are all constantly planting seeds of hope or despair. It is important that you grasp this concept so that you can in turn make healthier choices about the things you say and do.

Once you are able to understand how much what you say and do affect others, you will instantly see why it is so important to make sure you are planting seeds of hope rather than those of despair.

Have you ever heard the story of Kyle? Please take a moment to read his story…

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle.

It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd." I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.

As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him, so I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks." They really should get lives. "He looked at me and said "Hey, thanks."

There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.
I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.

I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him. Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!" He just laughed and handed me half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends.

When we were seniors we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on a football scholarship.

Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak. Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous!

Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!" He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. "Thanks," he said. As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began "Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends... I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them.

I am going to tell you a story." I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.

He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable." I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile.

Not until that moment did I realize its depth.

Never underestimate the power of your words and actions. If not for this one kind gesture – someone having the courage to plant the seed of hope, Kyle would be just another statistic. The idea of the seed of hope is pretty simple…

…say or do something to help another person believe in possibilities that they otherwise would not have. It is the act of letting someone else know that he/she can when all he/she can think of is CAN'T.

The fact is that you just never know how your words and actions will affect others. This is the reason why it is so important to be responsible for what we say and do because you can truly add value to people's lives when you focus on the positives.

As one of my friends once put it…

"You can remove the nails from the fence but the holes are still there."

Essentially, what it means is that you can't take back your words and actions once you've said or done them. Certainly, we all make mistakes and for those times when we hurt others unintentionally – we can apologize and take steps to make amends.

The important thing to understand is that we are all capable of planting seeds of hope or despair so we ought to be more conscientious about the things we say and do to others.

Planting seeds of hope can happen just by chance as in the story above – just by being a nice person; however, there are definitely habits you can develop to ensure that you consistently plant seeds of hope.

Following are 3 habits that will most certainly help you become a more consistent hope seed planter.

Affirm others

One of the most effective ways to plant seeds of hope is to consistently affirm others. This builds confidence and inspires others to greatness they never thought they possessed.

The power of affirming others is so tremendous because it tells those whom you affirm that you recognize their gifts – that you do in fact see them and appreciate them. In a moment of doubt and negativity, a simple affirmation of another could literally turn suicidal thoughts into thoughts of life. You just never know.

It could be as simple as looking someone in the eyes and saying "I believe in you. You can do this."

One of my mentors consistently affirms me by simply giving me a gem when it's time for me to present or speak in front of an audience. He'd always say "Dean, all you have to do is rub this gem and they can't touch you. You got this – you know your stuff."

I am not sure he knows; however, those moments really do help a lot – they plant a seed of hope every single time.

Don't forget to tell others how much you appreciate what they do – it will always go a long way.

Understand others

Can you remember that last time you felt truly understood by another human being? How did it make you feel? It's an incredible feeling isn't it?

Sometimes, all it takes to plant the seed of hope is to show others that you truly understand them – empathize with their plight.

The important thing here is to make sure that you are genuine – that you truly want to understand what the other person is going through. Seeking to understand has to be real – you have to mean it – you have to truly want to understand. This is the only way that the other person will feel the connection you are trying to make. Unless that connection is made, you won't be able to plant the seed of hope.

Understanding is a major human need – we all seek to be understood – and when we are, kit makes us feel great. There is nothing better than an understanding soul to tame frustrated beast.

It's simple – when you feel frustrated because you believe that no one understands you – the seed of hope is planted the moment you come across someone that does truly understand you. You instant begin to believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel because someone else can truly relate to what you are experiencing.

Understanding always plants the seed of hope.

Share & Teach

Another one of my mentors always said that the best way to continue learning is to share and teach what you know to others. I have found that this is definitely true. Furthermore, I have also found that it's a powerful way to plant seeds of hope.

It is through our experiences and knowledge that we can impart some of who we are on others and touch their lives. Different people may find different elements of value in your knowledge and experience; however, unless you share it – unless you teach others, those seeds of hope remain dormant.

It's not about you showing off because you know something that others may not; it is about truly sharing yourself so that others might benefit from your knowledge and experience. Knowledge is useless unless it is shared. In fact it is our duty as a human being to share our knowledge and experience in an effort to make others better – to make the world better.

You don't have to try to save the world; however, we can all make the genuine effort to help those we connect with be better than they were when you met them. The whole point is that you plant seeds of hope consistently when you strive to use knowledge and experiences to leave the world a better place than it was while you were a part of it.

Consistently developing these 3 habits will ensure that you are always planting seeds of hope rather than those of despair.

If you need more inspiration, pop over to my friend, Sam's blog for an instant lift. Tell him I sent you.

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Why You Shouldn’t Read My Blog

The title of this post may shock you; after all, the point of having a blog is that others will read the content. In fact, I expect it! With that said, it begs the question: Why would I write an article titled "Why You Shouldn't Read My Blog?"

One of my mentors once encouraged me to not only read books that interest me or that are in line with my principles and values but also to read those that are not. He said read often, read everything so that you might develop a more well-rounded view of the world and even if you derive no other value but that it strengthens your convictions in your own beliefs, it would still be totally worth it. You know what – he's right. I have found this lesson to be tremendously beneficial in my life.

Since I began publishing this blog, I have received many comments, questions, concerns, applause, praise, ridicule, indifference, love, support, challenges, rebuttals, alliance and so forth. What has been most interesting are the individuals that either peg me as a bull shit artist with the gift of gab or a guru with a magic pill to fix all problems.

The truth is that I am neither of the two and if you wish to continue to believe that I am either one, you shouldn't read my blog.

A journey not a pit stop

My blog, which is my gift to you, is a journey and not a pit stop. Many of us only desire the end result of hard work; however, we have little interest in the hard work part. Many of us have no desire to pay the price for greatness and yet still we claim to desire it.

Pit stops are for race cars and road trip bathroom breaks – not personal growth.

You have probably seen dozens – hundreds maybe – of websites all warning you to beware of "quick fixes" and all the while they are only buttering you up to sell you their version of a "quicker fix."

The truth is that there is no such thing – you won't find it here or anywhere else no matter what you've heard. Use your brains – I think you have one – and think for a moment…

If "quick fixes" really worked would anyone really have to sell it to you? Furthermore, you already know that if they did in fact produce desirable results – many people wouldn't even want to share the secrets.

If you are looking for a "quick fix" for your personal growth and development, you definitely shouldn't read my blog.

I am whatever you say I am…

When you read the content on this website; you are reading words that flow directly from my experiences. I put in my body, mind, heart and spirit into every post. Sometimes, they may not hit the spot for you and other times, they may be just what you need.

The truth is that my goal in writing and expanding upon this website is not only to grow personally but to ensure that what I am putting out is of value to others. While all of this is my passion, the work and the effort are all about you.

I am whatever you say I am – this means that the value that I represent to you is not how I perceive it to be but rather what you perceive it to be. I cannot take the audacious position of presuming exactly how I am a value to you – this is a very personal thing – something you must decipher on your own.

The way that you receive and interpret my work may be totally different from the way someone else does and that is ok – in fact – it's expected.

The most important thing is this; while you continue to visit and read the content here, you have a right to expect a value for your time. Whether the value helps you improve in your personal growth, build your character, jazz up your personality or simply strengthen your convictions, you should definitely expect to receive a value for your time.

If you are not deriving some kind of value to your life by spending time here, you shouldn't read my blog.

Compensation

I do believe that when you create and distribute value to others, you should expect to receive a fair compensation for the value that you provide. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Compensation can come in many forms – it is your choice what forms you choose to accept for the value that you create. In any event, there is no reason that you shouldn't get paid for the work you do.

Of course, getting compensated for the value you provide should not be confused with the reason you do what you do. In other words, if you do what you do only to receive compensation, then the value that you create and distribute will only be to you. If anything but your conscience (your spirit) is the guiding force what you decide to do with your life, your value to others will be greatly diminished.

As for this blog, my gift to you, the reason for its existence is untainted by the pursuit for the almighty dollar – compensation. The work I do here and in other places and my circle expand comes from within – it is my true passion and purpose in life and I do it because it brings me joy and fulfillment beyond my wildest dreams.

With that said, I am by no means naïve. We live, after all, in a material world and in this world, the way you sustain your lifestyle so that you can continue to create and distribute value to others is by earning a paycheck of some sort. Whether you work for someone else or you are an entrepreneur, the fact is you have to get paid or suffer the consequences.

While the reasons behind my choices do not include money in any way, I do expect to be paid a fair price for the value I provide. I like being able to care for my family and live a lifestyle that makes me feel good about what I have accomplished. I don't need materials to feed my ego; however, I do need to live somewhere, clothe myself and eat healthily.

If you don't think I deserve compensation for the value I provide – that's ok – you're entitled to your opinion. Nonetheless, I do expect fair compensation for the work I do – not because that's the reason I do it but because it is correct principle and it's how we sustain ourselves in the physical world.

If you don't believe that people deserve fair compensation for the value that they provide, guess what – you shouldn't read my blog.

Finally…

You shouldn't read my blog if you have no desire whatsoever to be better than you are today; to be of service to others; if you only wish to continue your meaningless pursuit of a mediocre life where you simply bounce from point to point with no real purpose or desire to seek it; with no openness to embrace change, respect differences, show love and receive love; if you choose not to be a human being, respect the universe and value principles; if you choose not to live a life in gratitude, appreciation, and generosity; if you have no hope for the future, if you believe in nothing and fall for everything; if you are a pessimistic cynic who thinks only of the worst in others while ignoring the best; if you only think of yourself first, foremost and always which is the mindset of a complete moron – YOU SHOULDN'T READ MY BLOG!

Now send me an e-mail right now if you made it all the way to the end of this article. Will I see you again here?

 

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Mastering the Art of Conflict Resolution

In so many places around the globe conflict simultaneously corrode societies, divide people and in many cases define nations. It can be heartbreaking to see the misery and pain that these conflicts cause but even sadder are the day-to-day conflicts we face in our own little world.

Whether among family, friends or co-workers, I believe that we’ve all had to face conflict with someone else. While this article will not address conflict on world scale, it will present you with some insight on how to effectively resolve conflicts that you face in your life. The fact is that change begins with you and I do believe that the most effective way to change the world is one person at a time.

As one of my mentors always asks, “How do you eat an elephant?” To which the answer is always “One bite at a time.”

The Art of Conflict Resolution is grounded in natural laws – correct principles that hold true no matter what situation you face. They are simple in concept and they always work; however, they are not always easy to put into practice.

Following are 5 practices that will most certainly help you to become more effective at resolving conflicts you face no matter with whom. When these practices become habits, you will become a person of solution rather than conflict.

#1 – Accept the truth

One of the first things you must be willing to do is to accept all truths relating to and about the conflict you face. If you do not accept the truth, no solution you come up with will be a win/win because it will have been based on a false foundation.

Firstly, you must accept the truth about yourself. You must be willing to take an honest look at yourself and decipher what you might have done to create and/or escalate the conflict. If for whatever reason, you honestly don’t know what you have done then you must simply accept the possibility and probability that in all likelihood, you have done something that help to create and/or escalate the conflict. The fact that you may be unaware of what that is exactly is irrelevant – you only have to accept the possibility.

Secondly, you must also accept the truth about the other party to your conflict. Be honest about what he/she/they might have done to rub you the wrong way. Although difficult, you must also accept the possibility that he/she/they do not know that they have offended you in any way. In fact, this is often the case in most day-to-day conflicts; the parties are usually unaware of what really created or escalated it. They make many assumptions; however, once the truth comes out, the picture often looks quite different.

Thirdly, you must accept the truth of your situation. Can your situation truly improve without resolving this conflict? Will you be ok emotionally if this conflict continues? The more protracted the conflict, the harder it will be to get to the bottom of it.

It is important for you to accept the truth that unless you resolve this conflict as quickly as possible, you will be unable to move on with peace of mind.

If you can accept these truths and possibilities, you will be off to a great start.

#2 – Accept inevitable change

Change is a constant – it is an undeniable principle and yet so many of us refuse to do it even when all the evidence tells us it is the best course of action. The fact is that change is inevitable whether we are willing to accept it or not – it will happen with or without us. The only question you need to ask when things change is, “Will it be more valuable for all involved if I change too or if I stay my course?”

When it comes to conflict resolution; the fact that you have a conflict in the first place already tells you that any solution will involve change. In this vein, you must be willing to accept the fact that you may have to change some of the things you are doing in order for the situation to get better and ultimately succeed.

It is utterly useless talking to a party you have a conflict with about a resolution if you are unwilling to change your position or behavior. In fact, if you truly seek the best solution, you must be willing to see the world from the other party’s point of view. Unless you seek that “ah-ha” moment, it will be a much more arduous road to a resolution.

Change is inevitable, accept it otherwise your conflict will most certainly continue.

#3 – Accept no triangulation

One of the first, and most dangerous, things that many people do when they have a conflict with another is to involve a third party without consent. This almost always sends an already bad situation spiraling out of control into an abyss of confusion, blaming and dismay. I am hard-pressed to think of one situation where a conflict was successfully resolved by one party going behind another party’s back to involve a third party.

This is especially true when the third party you call on is of higher formal authority than the other party with which you have the conflict. You know what I mean – “I don’t like what you’re doing so I go tell your boss” kind of thing.

The best avenue to pursue when attempting to resolve a conflict is a direct one. Go directly to the source and keep the situation only between the conflicting parties. There are only 2 times when it is ok to triangulate a situation.

The first is when both conflicting parties agree that they need a mediator to help them resolve their issues. In that case both parties would consent and also agree on who the third party should be. This way, there are no surprises and no one feels ambushed.

The second is when one party refuses to participate in finding a resolution and in order to move on; your role requires that you inform others. For instance, in the case of a job, you may have a conflict with someone that is unwilling to talk or budge from his/her position thereby creating a roadblock. In this case it is totally fine to involve a third party as long as you inform the other party of your intent to do so. This way, again, there are no surprises and no one feels ambushed.

Aside from these 2 examples where triangulation is necessary and above board, in any other form it only serves to widen the void that the situation has created in the first place. Nothing good can come of any situation if one party feels betrayed or belittled. This course only makes the situation worse and moves you many more miles away from a true resolution.

#4 – Accept only win/win resolutions

In resolving conflicts, it is important that both sides come away feeling great about where you end up. If one side comes away feeling ok and the other feeling great – this, in my opinion and experience, is definitely not ok.

One of the biggest mistakes people make when it comes to negotiation or resolving conflicts is that they compromise or worse – they accept a win for one side and a loss for the other. Nothing fuels resentment more that this type of thinking and method of problem solving.

In conflict resolution, it is important to go in genuinely seeking a win/win resolution. You must endeavor to have both parties come away from the situation feeling great about where you end up. In fact, the best resolutions are the ones where both parties are able to come up with a resolution that is better than what either side proposed in the first place. Sure, it takes patience and commitment; however, it is much better in the long run and success is virtually guaranteed when you work in this mindset.

If you truly wish to resolve the conflicts you face and have them stay resolved, seeking win/win resolutions is the only way to do that. If one party feels slighted, it will eventually come back to haunt you and then you will have to do this dance all over again. If you can accept that the pinnacle of excellence comes from synergy, it will be much easier for you to seek nothing but win/win resolutions in all your conflicts.

#5 – Accept the possibility of impasse

This is by far, I believe, the hardest thing to do when it comes to conflict resolution. More often than not, it is difficult to walk away – even more so – the possibility is not even a consideration.

This is especially true when you have other entities of authority involved such as a corporate one where you are not the one charged with the responsibility of making the call to walk away from a situation that isn’t working.

The truth is though that this practice is a very powerful habit to develop. Even if you work in a corporate environment, you can still exercise this practice by simply going on record with your position.

Here it is in a nutshell…

When you find yourself in a conflict with no available solution that creates a win/win outcome, you must be willing to walk away without injury, resentment or malice. In this case you simply state that your truest wish was that you could come to a win/win resolution; however since it appears that you are unable to do so together at this time, the best avenue to pursue is to walk away. Who knows? Perhaps you can come together again at a future date in another endeavor.

The point is that when you treat the other party with this high level of respect and authenticity, you not only gain their trust but also preserve the relationship. In most cases, when you deal with an impasse in this manner, future endeavors become a lot easier to execute and the relationship grows stronger.

If you are in a situation where you are not the person who makes the decision to walk away, you can exercise this practice by stating your position but that you are willing to go along with the resolution in the best interest of your team. As long as the resolution does not violate your core values or diminish the value you bring to the table, do what you need to do to collect your paycheck.

This is a personal choice and I would not presume to tell anyone how to deal with it. If you can afford the luxury, you can also opt off a project that is not going down the road of win/win. In my experience, even in a corporate setting, I have found that you gain more respect and trust from your peers and superiors when you step up to the plate in this way.

In my view, when it comes to conflict resolution, it’s either win/win or walk away. We can come back to the table at a later date with other ideas on how to resolve this conflict or with a brand new project.

But hey – who cares what I think – right?

If you can turn these 5 practices into habits, you will master the Art of Conflict Resolution.

Happy resolving!

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The Myth of Balance

There are so many of us, myself included, who have sought to bring “Balance” to our lives. For a long time, I made it a priority to find it and apply it to my life in an effort to reach total equilibrium.

During my pursuit, I learned some tough lessons and suffered some major setbacks. Through it all, I admit although I have certainly been frustrated, I truly have no regrets. In fact, it is exactly the opposite. I feel relieved and excited about what I am going to share with you in this article.

As I sought to find Balance and failed countless times, I began to realize something incredible. Although I have never quite found what I was looking for, I have succeeded at many of the things that are most important to me. In reminiscing about all of this – it finally hit me.

Balance is a MYTH! At least for what most of us believe to be balance.

For the sake of clarity, let’s define exactly what I am talking about. Balance in this case means that you live in a space where all things in your life receive focused attention without pulling necessary energies from one to serve the other. It means that no part of your life suffers shortfalls because you have found the place of equilibrium that holds it all together seamlessly.

Again, I say, this form of Balance is an absolute myth.

The truth is that in order for you to achieve your ultimate goals, there are things in your life that will not receive the level of energy that it takes to move them or make them impactful in your life. This is not to say that they will never receive it – it just means that at different times in your life there are things that take precedence while others take the back burner.

There is no such thing as balance where all things in your life function harmoniously in equal standing. In fact, if that were to happen, I think that your life would be pretty mediocre.

Let me explain…

When all things in your life receive equal energy, there are no priorities; nothing is more important or less important and therefore what you receive in return for your efforts will mirror that value system – that level of energy.

Truly successful individuals though think differently about balance. Instead of simply trying to make the scale sit evenly on both sides, they choose where to place things and how far to tilt the scale in order to achieve their ultimate goals.

Essentially, balance is not a “one size fits all” kind of deal; it is more like “different strokes for different folks.”

Following are 3 habits of truly successful individuals that can help you achieve the right level of balance in your life.

1.   Prioritize

All truly successful individuals are masters of prioritization. They prioritize their day, week, month, and year – life. Nothing is an accident; every step is part of a deliberate plan.

It is important that you know what things are most important to you and make them a priority in your life. This way, when you set your goals, you can make sure to consider your top priorities as you choose your next steps.

Prioritization helps you to stay focused – it keeps you on track so that your eye remains on the ball. The main reason for prioritizing your actions is so that you know where to spend your energy. When you do not prioritize, you will most often find that your thoughts are more scattered and your actions more frantic. This almost always leads to frustration and half-assed results.

2.    Put First Things First

The other habit that truly successful individuals have is that they put first things first. In other words, they understand what is most important in their lives and they consider those things in all decisions that they make.

For instance, if your family is important to you, there is no way that you should make any life-changing decisions without considering them and/or consulting them. If family is first you have to put them first – you must treat them as such.

It is equally crucial that in putting first things first that you do not put the wrong things first. Many people make a lot of their choices in the paramount pursuit of the almighty dollar. In the process, many lose their families, their value system and ruin relationships along the way.

At the end of the day, you must ask yourself, “is what I am doing really worth it?” if your answer is yes – I say continue; however, if your answer is no, change what you are doing.

When you put first things first, it means making sure that you consider the impact that your choices might have on those people and things that are most important to you. It means doing what is necessary to keep those people and things progressing in harmony so that you can be more effective in the other areas of your life.

Simply put, when my wife and I are at odds, it is harder to sleep; many things fall out of sync and almost nothing is normal until we have rectified the problem. This is because our relationship is important to us and we are important to each other. The health of our relationship is of high priority in our lives and that’s why we put it first.

3.    Execute Around Priorities

A major hiccup that often happens even though you set priorities comes in Execution. Basically, you might end up doing other things that you hadn’t planned on doing and in many cases these secondary things cause you to get sidetracked from your priorities.

We are all guilty of this at times – I am sure; however, it is important that you are aware of it when it is happening and get back on track. Setting priorities and putting first things first requires that you now act accordingly. Truly successful individuals choose actions that either enhances or that do not deviate from their priorities.

In other words, if you planned to spend an evening at home watching movies with the family and your best friend suddenly invites you to your favorite team’s game, you must choose your next step wisely. If family time is something that is at the top of your priority list, it is important that you keep your commitment to your family. Breaking your commitments will only lead to disharmony and frustration.

Of course, there are times when you can get many other things done in between acting on your priorities. This is ok – in fact it is encouraged so long as you are not infringing on time or stealing energy from those first things.

Sometimes, the choice is even harder especially when it comes to your career. For instance, it is your daughter’s first ballet recital and as you dash from the office, your boss hits you with an important request. Accommodating your boss’ request could yield you major brownie points – it may even develop into a long overdue promotion. It’s very tempting; however, you have to now consider how important your presence is at your daughter’s first ballet recital. I know I wouldn’t want any of my daughters mad at me.

What do you do? It’s a tough one, isn’t it?

My suggestion is that whatever you decide to do, do it with a clean heart. In other words, don’t simply appease your boss to save your ass and don’t appease your daughter just because she might be mad at you.

If staying at work is more important to the family’s overall goals and you have a lot of respect for your boss who has integrity, you may choose to stay at work and finish the project. Believe me, as long as you are honest with your daughter and you truly believe that you are doing the right thing, she will forgive you – eventually.  

If you choose to leave work and go to your daughter’s play, make sure that you are doing so because you truly believe that it’s the right thing to do and do it with a clean heart. If your boss is of good character and you are honest, I believe that he/she would understand.

Of course, while this may be a simple concept to grasp, a very wise man once said – “SIMPLE isn’t always EASY!” I get it and I do not suggest that you go batty on your boss or your daughter just yet. One of the most crucial elements in making good decisions is that you understand and know that you can live happily with the consequences of the choices you make. Do what is true for you and learn to live with the consequences.

If you truly want to achieve balance in your life, stop trying to equalize the scale and begin equalizing your level of energy with your ultimate goals.

 

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Growth by Design

Truly successful individuals do not believe in succeeding by accident. They set goals and take deliberate steps to achieve them. Instead of growing simply by default, truly successful individuals grow by design.

It’s a simple concept; however, as one great man once said and I heard, “SIMPLE isn’t always EASY!”

He is so right. When it comes to principles – natural laws – they are truly simple concepts that anyone can grasp. The problem that most of us face when it comes to living true to principles is that it’s not always easy. When emotions take hold or fears set in, choosing to make principle-centered decisions often becomes harder.

Sure, I understand that not every decision we make will come from a principle-centered place; however, truly successful individuals make most of their decisions from that place. Especially when it comes to progressive and life-changing choices, it is important for us to make sure that we’re the ones driving the bus.

Growth by Design simply means that you are proactive in the choices you make; that you take full responsibility for your own personal growth and the success you achieve. It says that you have a program and that you are the programmer. Your choices are based on your core values and the true principles by which you abide and live your life.

Following are 3 elements that are crucial in the thought process of truly successful individuals that understand what it means to grow by design instead of by default as the majority of people do.

Choice over Have to

Truly successful individuals understand that all thoughts and actions are precipitated by Choice. They do not believe in the “have to” in any given situation. The fact is that choice is the ultimate power. Choice is the difference between the cards you are dealt versus the cards you play; you can change your hand.

By making choices that serve your desired results, you can change the things in your life that you don’t like. Too many people – and I mean people you might consider brilliant – succumb to the whims of society and peer pressures. When your choices are made from within and they are in line with your core values, you are much more likely to not only achieve the results you desire, but also be a lot happier with you.

Everyone has the ability to choose his/her own destiny. It doesn’t matter where you are from or who your parents are – it is about whom you are and where you want to be. Truly successful individuals understand this all too and therefore make the best choices to improve their personal growth and success.

Victor over Victim

This is unfortunately a common mindset among individuals. All too often we become consumed and sometimes even morbidly content with playing the victim.

My wife puts it this way…

“Victims will always ask why me while victors will always ask why not.”

Now that is a powerfully true statement. Truly successful individuals do not believe in victimizing themselves; they are the victors in every situation even when their plans fail. They are victors because they learn from every experience – they excel at moving forward. It is important to understand that you are 100% responsible for the results you achieve in your life.

The common problem I have found in my experience is that it’s so easy to blame others and situations for our lot in life. The thing is that each time we do that, we victimize ourselves just a little bit more. Whenever we start believing that the problem is out there – that is the very problem.

The goal is to start with ourselves; when we fix ourselves, everything else tends to fall into place. Ever notice how victims like throwing pity parties even though not many people come and certainly no one brings any presents.

I get it… sometimes we get down and we want to vent or blow off some steam. Ok, so vent, blow off some steam but once you’re done, get up – dust yourself off and start pursuing your goals and dreams again with fervor. Once you start saying and believing that a setback or other people are the reasons you are not achieving your goals, you invite stagnation into your life and you become a pathetic victim.

It may be tough to hear; however, if you look inside yourself, I am confident that you will see that it is the undeniable truth.  

Change over Status Quo

Change is a constant – it is inevitable while status quo is man-made and therefore not inevitable. This is something that truly successful people understand all too well.

Too many of us spend way too much time maintaining the status quo as opposed to seeking out, creating and embracing positive and progressive change. Unless you change, you cannot grow; if you are not growing you will find that it is impossible to achieve success.

Instead of simply waiting on things to happen, truly successful individuals choose to make things happen. They create solutions to problems as opposed to simply identifying problems with no offer of solutions. When what you are doing isn’t working, you must endeavor to change it; find a way to be more effective and/or efficient.

This element is a major difference between managers and leaders. While managers chop their way through the bushes trying desperately to clear a path, leaders climb to the tallest tree top overlooking the jungle to see if there is a better way.

As one quote puts it…

“Mangers do things right; leaders do the right things.”

You see, the ultimate goal of a manager is to make sure that things are executed according to the process and procedure defined. It doesn’t much matter if it’s not the best process or the most efficient procedure – they simply want to get it done at all cost. Leaders on the other hand understand that processes and procedures are just guides and that there is always room for improvement. When leaders find a new and better way to do things, they will do everything they can to implement it – they smash the status quo.

There are so many aspects to Growth by Design that we could talk about; however, the goal of this article is to set you up with the right mindset. It is meant to raise your awareness to the fact that you are responsible for your own personal growth and success.

The only question that remains is…

Are you creating your own destiny or are you living someone else’s?

Victor or Victim – you decide.

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When It All Falls Down

Often times when we have recurring unpleasant instances in our lives, it is usually easier to blame others and/or circumstances for our plight. Sometimes it doesn’t even matter that we know it’s not true, we continue to repeat the same patterns and expect different results.

I have counseled and talked with so many individuals who fall victim to this type of thinking over and over again. While there are many habits, techniques and success principles you can learn, discover and adapt to achieve your goals, it’s not always easy to see what is corroding your path.

The focus of my blog is about making the conscious choice to take responsibility for your own personal growth so that you can achieve your dreams and goals. With that in mind, you will find many articles that speak to many different aspects of personal growth and how you can profoundly and positively impact your life.

What is often missing and/or missed though is the realization of the types of occurrences that corrode our lives and the world at large.

By no means am I attempting to be self-righteous; however, I heard something recently that I must share with you. It goes to the core of what it means to truly have significance – make a difference and contribute to the world.

Ok, back to earth before I go on…

Mahatma Gandhi is certainly one of the most influential individuals that ever lived. He is responsible for the ushering in of an independent Indian nation in 1947. Gandhi said and did many great things in his life; however, there is one expression of principles he shared that I feel compelled to share with you.

Essentially, Gandhi believed that when the following 6 states exist, a society, a nation and even a person will break down. After hearing what he shared in these 6 states, I must say that I too agree. Of course, all the states may not exist in your life at the same time; however, it is important to understand how they might apply to your life.

Following are 6 states that when existing individually or in combination can cause significant break down in society, a nation and in an individual.

1.   Wealth without Work

There is of course nothing wrong with wealth; however, how it is acquired makes a big difference. In virtually every case, you will find that wealth that is not earned is either squandered or used for ill and selfish reasons.

When you acquire wealth for which you put in no work, your level of appreciation is almost non-existent. Especially for those who inherit great wealth, it is important to understand the meaning of work. To have things simply handed to you on a silver platter only creates a sense of entitlement and not empowerment.

The work in wealth is where you learn how to use that wealth to create and distribute value to the world. Without work, your wealth means nothing and will probably serve no one but yourself.

2.    Pleasure without Conscience

This is an easy one to fall victim to; I think that most of us have – I know I have. While there are degrees of selfish pleasure, the fact is that without conscience it becomes harmful fun.

Yes, I know it might be hard to swallow; however, it is undeniable. Any fun you have at the expense or pain of others is destructive. Some cases may be milder than others but nonetheless, it is a damaging act. Doing things just because they feel good regardless of injury to others can sometimes do irreparable harm.

It is far better to be true to whom you are, keep your word and have a clear conscience.

3.    Knowledge without Character

So much of what we put in to the measure of people is about formal authority even though the most important authority is moral authority. What good is what you know if you are not a person of good moral stature?

There is nothing wrong with knowledge; however, how you use it is crucial. If you are not using your knowledge to create value in the lives of others – to help others – to uplift, empower and encourage, then you are just an egomaniacal windbag.

I believe that a person’s character is far more important that his/her level of knowledge because if your intentions are anything other than good, knowledge only makes you dangerous. Knowledge is powerful and with great power comes great responsibility. Spider-man isn’t the only one who needs this lesson.

The fact is that people don’t care what you know until they know that you care. In order to truly care about others, you need to have strong moral character.

4.    Commerce without Morality

Most of us have probably seen this at some point in our lives. So much of the corrosion in business comes from people trying to get over on other people; cutting corners and trying to do as little as possible while expecting as much as possible.

Too often we have partners cheating partners or vendors cheating customers. Eventually what you get is the old cliché of “no honor among thieves.” How can there be honor where deception exists?

The pinnacle of excellence in commerce is not for one group to be rich and the other poor but rather for all to prosper. A friend once said to me that the world is not big enough to be ideal to which I replied “my friend, the truth is that man’s ideals are not big enough for the world.” There is more than enough to go around – we have only to create it.

5. Science without Humanity

We have had so many wonderful technological breakthroughs just in my lifetime alone; however, unless they are used for the betterment of humanity, they are indeed worthless. Science is not better than man; in fact, without man, science remains dormant. Isn’t it ironic that man can make such scientific progress and then allow their very achievements to be used in ways that destroy themselves?

I mean seriously, without humanity, science is just Dr. Frankenstein on steroids. Science serves no truly worthwhile purpose if it hurts humanity. It must be used in humane ways or else the very purpose of it is utterly defeated.

To understand this better, I offer this analogy:

The idea of cloning continues to be a controversial topic especially when you look at the reasons for desiring the practice. For instance, if you cloned a human being only for the sake of harvesting the organs to save another person’s life, that is inhumane. Once you’ve cloned someone, that clone becomes a living person with feelings and freedoms that we all enjoy.

On the other hand, if you simply cloned a heart so that you can implant it into someone who needed one, that is humane. No one died but someone can be saved. In my view, this would be science with humanity.

6.    Worship without Sacrifice

Whether it is your religion, your values or your way of life, if you aren’t willing to pay the price to maintain it – it means absolutely nothing.

There can be no true worship without sacrifice. By worship, it does not only refer to religious beliefs but also to your value system. No matter how much you claim to believe in or stand for something, if you falter at the first sign of adversity, you’re just living in a house of cards.

You have to be willing to stand on your beliefs – your values – your way of life even when you stand alone. True worship is in the sacrifices that you are willing to make because you believe deeply in its worth. The very definition of worship means devotion, respect and reverence. To fold when the going gets tough is to show disrespect and irreverence to what you claim to believe in and stand for.

Remember these 6 states now that you are aware of them and endeavor to make sure that they are not at play in your life. The results you achieve in your personal growth and success will be significantly increased the more you can minimize these occurrences.

From experience I can tell you that it is at the times that I have minimized these 6 states that I have seen the greatest success in my personal and business relationships. Conversely, it is at the times that I was not aware one or a combination of these was at play in my life that I have seen my most lack-luster failures.

Obviously no one is perfect; however, striving to minimize these occurrences in your life will undoubtedly bring about profound and positive changes in your personal growth and success.

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The 5 Levels of Initiative

Initiative is one of those words that is thrown around very loosely without any real understanding or meaning behind it – at least – in my experience. You may often hear one person telling another “you never take any initiative” or simply asking “Why don’t you take some initiative?”

The truth is that we all take initiative; the difference is usually in degree or levels and not so much the act. It is important that you understand initiative on all its levels so that you can bring real meaning to your actions. In so doing, you will be able to better access and accept the consequences of your actions.

Often times I talk to individuals whom can’t seem to grasp the consequences of their actions and in many of those cases, they are complete unaware of what or how their degree of initiative affected the situation.

You see, there are in fact 5 levels of initiative. At which level you choose to act in any given situation will be determined by your level of commitment and the importance of what you seek to do. Of course if you are neither aware of your commitment level nor the importance of your actions – you will certainly not know at what level you should initiate.

The goal of this article is to help you understand the following 5 levels of initiative so that you are more aware of your actions in any given situation.

1.   Wait until told

This of course is the absolute lowest form of initiative. What is even scarier is that this is where most people operate for all the action in their lives aside from the routine of brushing teeth and changing underwear.

Think about your own workplace…

How often have you heard some say something to the effect of “Nobody told me to do that”, or “That’s not part of my job.” We hear these types of statements constantly. We hear them even in the face of something that needs doing yet no one will take action unless someone tells them to.

In my experience, this level of initiative almost never yields any worthwhile results and it certainly does not create greatness in anyone or any project. If we were to look at the levels of initiative as a food chain, you’d be eaten alive the moment you were born if you lived on this end of the totem pole.

2.    Present and seek consensus

The next level of initiative is to present your case and seek consensus. This is most effective when you are working with a group of people. Depending on the action you want to take, it might go over a lot better if you seek consensus from your teammates. Chances are that they will go along with your plan if you are able to make them see that it will help to achieve the group’s desired result.

On the other hand, some people take this route in an effort to cover their ass. They want to make sure that if the plan fails they can say that everyone agreed with the plan so it is everyone’s fault that the plan failed.

This type of behavior is prevalent in Corporate America; everyone is most often taking initiative but always from a standpoint of covering their asses.

This level of initiative is appropriate as long as the reason for taking it is in the best interest of your team.

3.    Ask for permission

Sometimes, initiative just requires you to ask for permission. Often times, people don’t make a move and also don’t bother to find out whether or not they can make a move. Especially if the action required isn’t part of the original plan – many times people fail to simply ask for permission.

In my experience, I have found that in many cases when you simply ask for permission, it is often granted. This is almost always true when what you are seeking to do brings value to the person from whom you seek permission to act.

Although on its face this level of initiative seems easy to take, most people do not do it. They fear the response they might get; they assume they know what others will say or they doubt themselves so much that they would rather not ask.

The worst fear of people is public humiliation and if they believe that asking permission might bring about such an event, they will not ask.

I say ask away.

If you know that what you seek to do is not only important but will bring value to others, especially to the person from whom you seek permission – I say ask away. Don’t fear the response you might get – just think about the negative consequences that might occur if you don’t at least ask permission to take an important action.

Asking permission works best when the action you seek to take is out of the scope of the original plans and when the act might be intrusive to others while they are unaware of the reason.

4.    Act now and beg forgiveness later

The next level of initiative is to act first and beg forgiveness later. Most people won’t even come close to doing this for fear of the consequences.

This level of initiative takes tremendous confidence and courage. Additionally, it is important to feel in your heart of hearts that you are doing the right thing.

To act first requires that unless you simply take action, you might miss the window of opportunity to make a difference. In other words, if you were to wait to seek permission or get consensus, it would create a situation where it is too late to act.

As long as the action you seek to take will create value for yourself or others and you truly believe that it is better to act first and then beg forgiveness later, I say go for it. If your intentions are pure, there is no reason not to risk it – at least in my view.

Most people are afraid to do this because they don’t want to deal with the backlash if what they attempt doesn’t work or turns out to be an act that yields nothing. People who take this level of initiative are usually confident and believe in their heart of hearts that they are doing the right thing.

5. Just do it

This is the highest level of initiative and it is the hardest one to get to. This is the reason why most New Year’s resolutions fail miserably and why people almost never get the promotion they keep complaining that they never get.

Like Nike – most people are afraid to just do it. The fact is that there comes a time when you have to stop taking and make a move. Too many opportunities are missed because of too much talking, too much planning, and too much thinking… just too much. Sometimes all that is required is action – one act begets another which begets another until you reach your goal.

This level of initiative is never going to be comfortable – EVER! It requires you to constantly step out of your comfort zone; however, it almost always yields levels of growth you cannot even imagine. If you consistently wait for this and wait for that, you shouldn’t sit around wondering why life is passing you by. It’s no secret that it’s because you aren’t doing anything about it. Take some INITIATIVE.  

The “just do it” level of initiative works best for making changes in your life. It is the example you set for others to follow. It is the point at which you admit your fear and courageously act anyway in an effort to take right action.

This level of initiative might also apply when in a group setting where no one in the group is making a move that gets you closer to the desired result. Sometimes, even teams do not improve until someone confidently and courageously makes a move.

Sometimes, you just have to do it and live with the consequences of your actions.

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What I Learned While on Hiatus

The posting of this article marks 45 days since I went on what I am calling a hiatus from my blog. It wasn’t a planned leave; it was more like a function of what state my personal and professional life were in at the time. I wouldn’t say I was forced to take a leave of absence; however, I would definitely say I needed some thinking space.

The beauty of my hiatus is that I had no clue that I would learn so much from being absent from one of my favorite things. I absolutely love writing for this blog; I truly enjoy the responses I get about how my work impacts you. When I hear that I have added value to your life because of what I write, it fills me with hope and drive to continue.

With that said, that same fuel was derailing me in other areas; I was on a feverish pace to churn out great content regularly. If you are a regular reader of my blog, then you know that I normally post about 8-10 articles a month. It turns out that this pace was getting a bit overwhelming for me largely due to my other obligations I was starting to neglect in the name of fueling my blog.

Undoubtedly, it was worth it – at least for the short run because with your support I have been able to build up a pretty good following. On the other hand, as long as I was creating and distributing value to others, I am sure that would have happened eventually anyway so it might have served be better to strike a good balance. Well, no use crying over spilled milk so let’s move on – shall we?

The incredible thing about my leave – my hiatus – is that I learned so much. I was able to observe people and the world from different perspectives. I didn’t realize how one-track minded I had become in publishing article after article without looking out the window. Once I did, I discovered a whole new world and even had an epiphany about my own situation of experiencing a bit of burn-out.

You see, publishing at the pace I was going caused some other areas of my personal and professional life to suffer. In some ways I thought that I had to keep going in order to build a solid base and I was even afraid of letting up because I thought that my following might diminish.

You know what? My following has actually increased significantly in the past 45 days – more visits and more page views. For that I truly thank you!

That in and of itself was an eye-opening lesson for me. The fact is that if my blog has valuable content, people will read it. Furthermore, I have over 5 dozen articles in my archives so unless you’re sitting at your PC for about 5-10 hours straight, you couldn’t even put a dent in this small library let alone retain or put into practice what you’ve read. The whole point is that there is more than enough content on the site to keep readers busy for 45 days.

With that said, it doesn’t mean that I don’t constantly need to publish new content – it just means that I am able to find more of a balance among all my obligations while still ensuring that the work I do on my blog is valuable and worthwhile.

While on hiatus, I discovered that I need to re-evaluate my focus and implement 3 elements into my daily life – I need to make these habits.

1.   Organization

It may not have seemed that way from the outside; however, I learned that in many ways I was extremely disorganized. From my observation of others, I realized how disorganized I was. When things are in disarray, it can quickly lead to imbalance and tip the scale in ways that are counter-productive to your desires.

What was most interesting was that I learned that although I was usually an organized person as it pertains to my physical spaces; my thoughts weren’t always. This is where my major problem lies – it was an incredible discovery. What’s more, I instantly felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders the moment that the realization hit me.

The fact is that if I want to bring balance back to my life, I have to get organized – both physically and mentally. Basically, it is when your dreams are manifesting at a momentous pace that your thoughts can become more disorganized very quickly. Well, I won’t confess anyone else’s sins – perhaps this only applies to me.    

Essentially, I learned that in order for me to move to the next phase of my journey, I have to clean house and do some mental organization. I have to refocus my thoughts and practice to tune out the unimportant ones. This way, I won’t lose sight of what is most important to me.

2.    Prioritization

I know that priority is very important when pursuing your goals and I thought I was consistent with this practice. Once again, I had a rude awakening to my own failing in this area.

Once I took off running with publishing for my blog, my focus became too narrow. It became so narrow that I lost track of the other priorities in my life. In fact, my blog became the PRIORITY.

Of course other things mattered a great deal to me; however, I had stopped checking in regularly with my blueprint thus, prioritization went out the window. In pursuit of our goals we must remember to create an action plan in order of how we will execute and then do so consistently. It is also extremely crucial to check in regularly with your action plan just to make sure that you are on your game.

The whole point of prioritization is so that you do not lose track of what is most important to you. Once you decide what those things are, your action plan is built around those so that you can accommodate them accordingly.

Again, from the outside looking in, it may seem like I was on my game as far as prioritizing; however, if you knew exactly what I considered to be the most important things to me – you’d have thought differently.

During my hiatus, I noticed so many levels of chaos and disarray in the lives of others. Some of which are people that unless you look closely, you might automatically think that they have it all together. I can tell you for sure that this is not always so.

Although prioritization was more of a refresher for me – it was definitely needed because I had lost sight of how important it is to not only prioritize but check in on your priorities. It is important to make sure that you are putting first things first and then executing around them accordingly.

3.    Execution

This goes hand in hand with the other 2 eye-openers; it was more of a natural progression of my discoveries during my hiatus. The most significant take-away to note is that I learned that you can be very good at execution while still not executing the right things in the right order which means you won’t get the results you truly desire.

Wow! That was BIG for me.

Certainly, once I get going I am pretty efficient at executing especially when I truly love what I am doing; however, without organization and prioritization, you’ll soon find that you’re executing the wrong tasks in the wrong order and at the wrong time. This can really throw a monkey wrench in your plans – the price can be steep depending on your circumstance.

From observing others, I saw the consequences of both sides. There were some individuals that were like machines in how they executed a well-thought out plan. In other cases I saw how badly things can go when you’re busy executing wrong tasks in the wrong order at the wrong times.

The biggest “a-ha” for me on execution was that it can actually become a vice; some people will actually deliberately seek out unimportant tasks to execute so that they can justify ignoring more important and more difficult tasks. It’s something I knew within me but to see it manifest within the lives of others really drove it home.

My goal is to make sure that I strive to be habitual is Organization and Prioritization which will in turn ensure that I am Executing the right tasks in the right order at the right times. I truly encourage you to do the same.

This Hiatus is now over – the journey back to regular postings begin; however, I will be sure to check in on the blueprint more often.

I truly hope that this article helps bring some kind of balance to your life – remember – you are not alone. There is always an answer; you only need the will and courage to seek it.

Here’s a list of some other wonderful things I was able to do while on Hiatus…

· Took my daughters to and from school/day care more often

· Spend more time with my daughters in general – park, ice cream at Rita’s, etc.

· Focus on creating an even better partnership with my wife

· Learned more about my wife’s incredible and growing Scentsy business

· Attend and support my wife at her first ever Scentsy Convention – that was awesome!

I am sure there were more but these are just a few… I’ll keep doing those more going forward because these are things that are truly important to me.

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The Mirror Is All That Matters

Outside is looking in; the world’s eyes are open wide and flaring

The universe sits silent while I feel a plethora of lenses staring

Glaring at me, in me and through me

Fear creates thoughts that their judgments might move me

But whether you accept me or not is inconsequential

Because I know that accepting myself is all that’s essential

So regardless of opinions, innuendos and chatter

You know as well as I that the mirror is all that matters

Do your thoughts bid me life or do they bid me death

Are you grateful for my existence or do you smite me with every breath

If the world ended tomorrow, what would history say

Would it show me regretful that I didn’t live life my way

But whether you appreciate me or not is extraneous

Because I know that if I appreciate me, my value is instantaneous

So be I villain or hero, man or mouse, clown or mad hatter

You know as well as I that the mirror is all that matters

While I do what I do, the world gazes on in awe

Looking for cracks and holes just to magnify my flaws

Every action evaluated and every word dissected

Until hopelessness and cynicism soon is what’s perfected

But whether you approve of me or not is superfluous at best

So long as I approve of what I do and my values sit on my crest

I serve with love until I expire, principles as my backers

You know as well as I that the mirror is all that matters

 
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How to Develop and Cultivate High Performance Teams

Have you ever watched a High Performance Team at work? Perhaps you have a favorite sports team that you consider high performing. Think about the New York Yankees or the 1991 Chicago Bulls – how awesome is it to watch these teams execute their game plan?

The truth is that truly successful individuals understand the importance of being a part of high performance teams. They understand that even though the ability to achieve effective results independently is important, the pinnacle of excellence lies in interdependence. True success comes from collaborating and working effectively with others.

High Performance Teams are like well-oiled machines where each part knows and plays its role while supporting the other parts in fulfilling their roles. This is not about simply being busy completing your assigned tasks; it is about the whole team performing well and understanding that each member of the team is accountable to all the others.

High Performance Teams are like a well choreographed dance routine; they work in harmonious fervor and execute with confidence and conviction. In a word High Performance Teams synergize.

So, how is done? How do you make sure you are on a high performance team? How does your current team measure up?

First, it is important to understand that most people are not nor have they ever been on a high performance team. The reason it is important to point this out is because it is vital that you raise your awareness to the reality – what actually happens.

Let me put it this way…

How many of you believe that the people in your organization have more talent, more passion, more creativity, and more tenacity that their current jobs require or even allow?

I can ask that question to almost any audience and in every case, the overwhelming majority will raise their hands in agreement. Most people really do feel this way about the organizations that they work for or the teams that they are a part of. With this information alone, it is safe to say that most people are not part of high performance teams.

You see, high performance teams utilize their team members in a way that the vast majority does not – they are tapped into the whole person. Where others may simply utilize a person’s mind and body, high performance teams tap into all 4 quadrants of a person – body, mind, heart and spirit.

They utilize what Dr. Stephen Covey calls – The Whole Person approach.

In order to develop and cultivate high performance teams, truly successful individuals work to ensure that the following 4 elements are engrained in each member of the team.

1.   Needs and/or Services

This represents how you satisfy the body of a team. It answers one of two questions with succinct clarity.

What physical needs of others does the team meet? What valuable services does the team provide that meet the needs of others?

High Performance Teams understand the importance of creating and distributing value to others, therefore they must serve a need. Since we live in a physical world, there are real physical needs that need to be met. There are many services that must be provided in order to meet a great many needs in the world.

High Performance Teams exercise discipline in meeting the needs or providing the services they have committed to. Each member of the team understands the goal, knows his/her role and holds each team member accountable to fulfilling his/hers. They execute the objective with focus and diligence.

The most important factor in fulfilling the needs or providing the services committed to is the global buy-in of the team. Every person on the team must buy into the goal otherwise; you cannot be a part of the team. If you have some that buy-in and others who do not, it will create chaos, dissention and half-assed results.

2. Vision and Mission

Vision and mission represent the mind of a team. What is the “big picture” goal of the team? It is vital that every team member understands and embodies the vision of the team. Once they understand the vision, the mission is born from it.

The most important thing to do where vision and mission are concerned is to make sure that each team member is involved in their creation. For huge organizations/teams where a vision already exists, it is important to make sure that each new team member is on board with the vision. This should be a direct question with the expectation of an honest answer. Of course whether they answer honestly or not will be easily tested down the road as their true mind will show up in their attitude, work ethic and the results they achieve.

As far as mission, it is imperative that every team member has a hand in it because the mission must also represent them. On very large teams, it is a good idea to conduct surveys and solicit feedback in creating the mission. The fact is that people are much more inclined to support and commit to what they help create.

Think about it…

How do you feel when you know that you are truly a part of something – that your input is highly valued?

The point is that every member of a high performance team understands and embodies the team vision and is completely committed to the team mission. This is largely because the vision reflects their own core values and the mission represents them.

Most of the time people will slowly sabotage the team mission when they don’t believe that it represents them or that they are truly a part of it. Whether it’s by malicious compliance or lackadaisical work ethic or plain insubordination, eventually, the mission will fall short.

High Performance Team members understand and embody the team vision and they support and commit to the team mission. The only thing left to do is to execute with focus.

3. Passion

What is the heart of the team? What drives them – what is it that fuels its passion?

Just as it is important to know and follow your personal passion, it is equally important for a team to do the same. Developing and cultivating high performance teams requires that each team member share the team’s true passion.

This means that whatever needs and services the team meets and whatever, the vision and mission, every team member must be passionate about it. It requires that your personal passion be aligned with the team passion. It goes directly to purpose – the reason for being.

Why bother to be a part of team if you don’t have a passion – a true drive for its vision and mission? In a nutshell, you’ve got to care.

If there is no fire within the heart of a team, performance will be lackluster. High Performance Teams have drive – fire – they take it to the max everyday because they are infused with passion for what they do. Engrained in the DNA of high performance teams is the reason for being – it is the life blood of the team.

4. Spirit

The spirit of a team represents its conscience. It speaks to the meaning of what the team does.

In other words; is the work that the does meaningful to you? Does it bring you fulfillment? Does it add value to you and others? Is there integrity in what the team does?

If there are any negative answers around any of these questions, the team spirit will be corroded and the vision muddled. The spirit of a team in my experience is the most important of the 4 elements. In fact, when needs and services, vision and mission and passion are led by spirit, the results you achieve are significantly greater and more impactful than you could otherwise achieve.

High Performance Teams are transparent and trustworthy. They do what they say they are going to do and they remain accountable for their actions. The team members are loyal to one another because they share a common bond. They do not cheat themselves or others and they genuinely feel good about what they do. When they look in the mirror every day, they see promise and another authentic opportunity to create and distribute value to others.

If you’ve ever been a part of a high performance team, you know that you can instantly feel the spirit of the team the moment you are around them. It is apparent and alive in a way that electrifies the air.

High Performance Teams know that the development and cultivation of the spirit starts at home. The way they treat each other creates a ripple effect in how they treat others and inspire others to treat others.

Dr. Stephen Covey puts it this way when it comes to the importance of spirit…

When spirit – conscience – governs body, mind and heart, you get a Gandhi; when ego governs body, mind and heart, you get a Hitler.

The bottom line is that no matter how great the need, clear the vision and fervent the passion – if your conscience says that it isn’t the right thing to do – follow your conscience. In my experience, when spirit leads, the results you achieve are far greater than any you could have imagined.

It is only when the spirit leads that true greatness can be achieved.

When these 4 elements come together in harmony, the nexus of focus and execution is formed. This is how high performance teams consistently achieve the results they desire.

So, what kind of team or you on?

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