Powerful Principles of Personal Growth

5 Things I Did to Discover My Purpose in Life

We all have a unique purpose in life – whether we believe or not or know it or not. Each and every one of us is born to deliver greatness to the world. While I have written extensively on finding purpose, I have never shared my personal journey in discovering My Purpose.

I know that it can seem daunting to many to undertake the task of discovering what you were truly meant to do and be; however, once you do – you will want to do nothing else.

Before I discovered my true purpose in life, I had no idea how to go about such a thing. I wish I had had a blueprint to help me. Sure, I had read plenty of books, been to a lot of incredible seminars and rubbed shoulders with who's who in the zoo of personal growth gurus – BUT – I hadn't garnered any results as far as my purpose.

The fact is that even though I was growing and changing for the better for a number of years already, my focus and direction were still very blurry because I had no clue what it all meant or what I was going to do with it all.

Through the whole enjoyable and continuing journey though, there were definitely some things that I can pinpoint as crucial in helping me to discover my purpose.

In hindsight, if I knew then what I know now – I would have been pursuing my purpose a lot longer than I have been. Nothing before it's time though I guess…

So without further adieu – following are 5 Things That I Did to Discover My Purpose in Life.

1. Looked for the common thread

Each of us has a natural affinity towards certain things. So often we don't pay enough attention to these things because we're too busy fulfilling other people's dreams. We get caught up in doing the things we have been conditioned to believe we're supposed to do.

In discovering my purpose, one of the things I did was examined my past and present to see if there were any common threads in the things I did. Additionally, I was looking for clues to the things that I did over and over again in one way or another that not only made me feel great but added value to other people's lives as well.

It took a bit of time; however, I eventually began to see exactly what the most common and fulfilling thread was in all my experiences. I started to see that regardless of where I was and what I was doing in my life, I always found myself in the role of counsel, advisor, trainer and motivator.

It didn't matter what type of job I had; even as far back as my days in Junior high school, I could remember how for whatever reason I gravitated toward helping other people see themselves the way I saw them – BETTER.

I've always been an optimist – Thanks Mom and Dad!

I credit my parents with this because growing up, I was never told that I can't; I was always told that I could do whatever I wanted as long as I put my mind to it. This is to say that the recurring theme of my past and present had been that I loved being involved in developing others and helping them to find their voice.

Here are a few life experiences from my past that illustrated this.

1988 Junior High School I was a brand new Jamaican immigrant in a school where being different was like having the plague. The most ridiculed immigrants at the time were Haitians. Well it just so happens that even after finding out my best friend's secret – THAT HE WAS HALF HAITIAN – I just didn't care no matter what other people said. In fact, I always loved and embraced our differences and learned a lot from my friend. Hanging out with his family I learned how to speak a little Creole and eat delicious Haitian food. I always told him that it didn't matter where he was from or where he was born or lived – it only matters who he is and that we're friends. Of course I don't deserve a medal for that; however, even back then I just saw something better in him that even he saw in himself at the time and since I wasn't raised to be intolerable of others in any way, the fact that he was half Haitian didn't even register on my radar – Who Cares? Ki sa ki nan patnè yo. Kouman ou ye? (Too easy if I tell you; look it up )

 

1998 Iron Horse Productions At one point in my life I was deep into the music game. I was a rapper/producer. Although I didn't realize it at the time, this was when I first started to really train and develop other people. Our team was stocked with young artist all looking to become stars. Now while we didn't break any superstars, we did put out some really great music. Although I was a lead artist on the label, one of the main things I did was help other rappers learn to understand the heart of music and how to interpret it in a way that helps them express themselves more effectively through it. Essentially, I was teaching these young artists the importance of feeling the music and letting it speak to their souls. I also taught them how you express their brand more vividly through their dress, speech and swagger. All of these elements were and still are very important to crystallize as an artist. Most importantly, we had a very talented Trinidadian rapper on the label who had a very hard time properly saying words that started or ended with "th." It really threw off his incredible rhymes. Through a series of exercises and with practice I was able to help him overcome his rapping impediment to the point where unless he really wanted you to know, you couldn't tell he had an accent at all. Basically, I trained and developed our team of artists on skills, personal branding and expression as well as speech. All of which were integral to our success. By the way, my moniker in the music business was Sage and here's a link to the last piece of work my partner and I produced… http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/wizwurkz ENJOY!

 

2009 L'Oreal USA – Redken 5th Avenue By this point in my life I was pretty certain what I wanted to do. I was working for a great company and enjoyed the opportunity to explore many options. 2009 though is the year of the defining moment for me to go full throttle with my purpose. I was selected to lead a group of about 90 people at the largest hair and beauty show in the US – the Redken Symposium in Las Vegas. Never before had I been in charge of such a huge and significant event and with so many people looking to me for leadership. With all that I had learned over the past decade from my mentors, from teachers, from seminars and the gazillion books on personal growth and development I had read – this was the moment that crystallized it all for me. Without going into the nitty gritty of the event – I'll just say that it was a huge success and the team I was charged to lead did an outstanding job. We were so successful that I was invited to rewrite the process for the next Symposium and given a vote on the person that would lead this team in 2011 at the next Symposium. It was after this event in 2009 that I decided to launch my blog so that I could reach more people and positive affect many more lives. It was this event that triggered a passion so deep inside that I instantly knew what my purpose was and what I needed to do to make a difference. Ever since that time in 2009, I have done nothing but find more ways to create and deliver value for others through my gifts and talents and I am absolutely loving it!

These are just a few examples that really stuck out to me. There have been countless other examples with the same common thread and I don't expect that portion to change because I am doing exactly what I am meant to do.

Whether or not my stories mean anything to you is irrelevant – the point I want to really get across is that to discover your true purpose it helps if you can look into your past and present and find some common threads that not only made you feel great but served others as well.

2. Made it a part of my everyday life

Once I found the common thread, I began to make a conscious effort to integrate it in my everyday life as much as possible. I began to consistently look for ways that I could be of service to others.

The best part is that I was doing these things without any expectations of compensation or accolade at all. I just wanted to serve and help others in any way I could through my gifts and talents.

Whenever I was in a situation where I knew I could add value by helping others see themselves better than they did, I jumped at it. Of course I did my best not be an obnoxious know-it-all – (didn't always work ); however, my intentions were always good.

In any case, eventually it got to the point where I didn't have to think about it anymore – it became a habit. Not only was I on autopilot; my reputation preceded me and suddenly, others actually sought me out for help which I was only too happy to provide.

The more I sought to help others find their voice, the more others sought me out to help them find their voice. It was crazy but that's how it happened and still does.

3. Gave the gift of my purpose to others

Once my purpose picked up momentum, I kept feeling like I needed another outlet. As more and more people sought me out for help it became clear that I could even help more people find their voice.

This contemplation is what led to the launch of DeanLForbes.com. I figured that while I was helping people face to face, I could also help others that may be far away or just not available to meet. Also, as my influence grew, I knew I would have the physical capacity to serve everyone in a one-on-one setting.

This blog gave me new voice – a more expansive and far-reaching voice which was just what my purpose needed to take things to the next level. DeanLForbes.com has led to numerous speaking engagements as well as syndication on a top Internet radio show – The Big Corey fresh Show. I did a segment called "Insightful Minutes" with Dean L. Forbes. The show is now off the air since The Big Corey Fresh Show took the UK by storm; however, it was a lot of fun while it lasted.

Since the launch of my blog in 2009, I have received nothing but love and support which I am so grateful for; and the opportunities keep on coming and flowing like a river gone wild. It continues to be an incredible journey.

4. Gave thanks for having it to give

I cannot stop giving thanks for this blessing so I gave it back then and I still keep giving thanks now. The more grateful I am for discovering my purpose, it seems the more opportunities come my way that I get to be grateful for. Everything I do must be in alignment with my purpose.

I will never stop giving thanks for this great gift.

5. Accepted whatever consequences came

As you know, you can't please everyone no matter how much you want to. I realized early on that not everything I did or will do will be accepted by everyone or for that matter even appreciated by everyone.

That's ok with me though because we are all different and furthermore I only care that I truly believe that I am serving others and that in the course of doing so I harm no one. Once those criteria are met, I'm good.

As one of my great teachers always said, "Do what's true for you and learn to live with the consequences." In everything we do and every choice we make there are consequences. All you have to do is make sure that you make choices that are in alignment with correct principles and the consequences you reap will be positive.

Quite frankly, if you aren't happy, sad, laughing, crying or pissed off after you read one of my articles then I am not doing my job. My articles are meant to provoke emotion… to wake you up… make you painfully aware of where you are so that you can see clearer where you want to go.

Sometimes what I write will hurt and other times it will make you feel butterflies but always, my goal is that what I write helps you grow in the most positive and profound ways. If I truly love you then I am ok if acting in your best interest hurts a little or even a lot. I'm good with that.

These are the 5 main things that I did to discover my purpose in life. You may categorize them differently; however, I truly hope that sharing my personal journey to discovering my purpose helps you either find yours or become further convicted in what you've already discovered.

 

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How to Live Life to the Fullest

Life is truly what you make it. There is no mystery to this simple fact – it simply is.

Some of us have never experienced this; others of us have on some level and yes there are some who live life to the fullest all the time. Does it seem impossible to you that it is possible to be happy all the time no matter what is happening?

What would it mean to you if you had a simple guide – a formula – for achieving the happiness you desire virtually every single time?

The goal of this article is to help raise your awareness to and understand the elements necessary to create the life you truly desire. Following are the 5 elements that can help you Live Life to the Fullest when put into practice.

Element #1: Love Yourself

This seems pretty obvious; however, so many miss the boat on it completely. Loving yourself means that you must truly accept, appreciate and approve of the person you are. If, when you look into the mirror, you do not love the person looking back at you, then you must endeavor to change that.

In order to love yourself, you have to pay the price to become the person you truly want to be. There are no shortcuts to this – as long as you behave as someone other than the person you wish to be, you can never truly love yourself.

Element #2: Love Others

Yes, I do mean all others no matter who they might be. Loving others is a key element if you wish to live life to the fullest. It is far better and easier to show love than to exude hate. When I say love others – I mean act lovingly and caringly towards all others – not just a select few.

So, what does this really mean?

Obviously, there will be those you come across that you won't necessarily get along with or click with; perhaps you might even encounter someone else who is downright hateful and full of anger.

Here's the bottom line when it comes to loving others…

It means that you must have the courage to always give others what they need and not necessarily what they want. In other words, although sometimes what a person needs is also what they want, it is not always the case. This means that when you truly act lovingly towards others, you must be willing to love them enough to let them go or tell them "NO" if that is truly in their best interest.

Sometimes the best way to show love is to let people go from our circle so that they can learn some things on their own or simply without you. There's no use maintaining a relationship with someone else if they do not choose to nurture it.

The bottom line is – love others by always treating them the way you wish to be treated.

Element #3: Enjoy What You Do

It is impossible to live life to the fullest if you don't enjoy what you do. In fact what you do is unequivocally linked to your happiness. It is through what we do – how we add value – that we find true fulfillment.

When you are happy in your work you produce happy results for yourself and other people. If you feel miserable about going to work and doing your job when you wake up in the morning, chances are the results you achieve will mirror that feeling. How you feel inside will be projected outwardly on others in some way shape of form.

So, enjoy what you do – this is a crucial element in your pursuit to live life to the fullest.

Element #4: Serve Others

Along with enjoying what you do, it is also important to serve others. Truly successful individuals possess a servant's heart. They understand how to truly serve other people. Regardless of how you serve, what you enjoy doing must be of value to others in some way. Whether it is direct or indirect, adding value to other people is extremely important in your journey to live life to the fullest.

Furthermore, while enjoying what you do is fulfilling; truly serving others provides the opportunity to make a difference – be of significance in the lives of others. Our legacy is based on how we have affected others – not ourselves. This is why it is imperative that what we do affect others in positive ways.

In my experience there is no greater feeling than knowing that you've played a small part in another's success.

Element #5: Pay the Price

Nothing worth having comes without a cost. Living Life to the Fullest is no different. In fact, if it cost you nothing at all, many more people would be doing it. The truth is that the other 4 elements don't matter or will never manifest unless you are willing to pay the price to achieve them.

The price I speak of is not monetary of course, BUT rather your willingness and commitment to doing what it takes to see these elements manifest in your life. Life will always throw you challenges and curve balls – there's nothing we can do about that. How you – we – respond to these challenges and curve balls however, will be the deciding factor in the results we achieve.

The ultimate power of choice says that we have no control over about 10% of the things that happen to us; the other 90% is how we choose to respond to those things. What this means is that in order to live life to the fullest, you must CHOOSE to pay the price.

The price may include but is not limited to your time, diligence, commitment, discipline, etc. Basically, whatever it takes as long as you do no harm to yourself or others.

So what if it's oversimplified?

Get over it!

Yes, I realize that this may seem like an oversimplified outline of what this pursuit will take BUT so what. Sure, there are many more pieces that could be thrown in here and plenty of them can be found on this website. That being said, this is an easy to follow guide to help you get started on your journey to living life to the fullest.

If you can embody these 5 elements, the results you achieve will significantly improve and you will be able to undoubtedly Live Life to the Fullest!

 

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The True Definition of Serving Others

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I have been fortunate enough to have incredible teachers and mentors who've taught me so much about the importance of serving others. In fact, I once wrote a brief ode, if you will, dedicated to the first moment I became completely aware of our purpose as it pertains to others.

In my experience, there are definitely certain elements engrained in the true definition of serving others.

The goal of this article is to help you understand what it truly means to be of service to others and how the success of our endeavors is rooted in it.

All truly successful individuals understand and believe that regardless of what we each do, the overarching purpose is to create and deliver value to and for others. Even in achieving your personal goals, they are meaningless if no one is served or better off for you having achieved them.

I know it can sound daunting; a tall order in the eyes of some. This is because of the way many people define true purpose. Most people define their true purpose in terms of serving self and fulfilling self needs first. They look at achieving their goals from the standpoint of what they want only.

Truly successful and highly effective individuals however, see things very differently. They define true purpose from the standpoint of how it benefits others as well as self. If both are not in alignment, the direction of the purpose must change and if need be the purpose itself.

We all have a unique purpose; however, it is important to recognize that no true purpose can supersede the principle of give and give. Simply put, any purpose that does not serve others and self in a positive manner is not a true purpose. True purpose demands that you are not only fulfilled and enriched by what you do but also that others benefit from it. This is the foundation beneath the true definition of serving others.

There are 5 elements engrained in truly being of service to others. Practicing these 5 consistently will not only tremendously improve your personal growth but also the lives of others.

1. Seek to be better

First and foremost, you must be willing to constantly learn and grow. The better you are, the more effective you will be in serving others. The moment you cease to learn, you become obsolete. If you are obsolete, it will be extremely difficult for you to be of benefit to anyone.

If you aren't growing and changing, how can you expect to influence growth and change in others? As Gandhi said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." These words define the principle of growth whereby the more you grow, the more we each grow; the better the world is around us. In order to positively affect that, you must be a part of those who lead by example instead of simply watching from the sidelines.

2. Seek to do better

As you constantly seek to be better, you must also seek to do better. As you grow and change, it is important that you share it with the world around you. There is simply no point in growing if you are not willing to teach others what you've learned. This is a major part of service – sharing and teaching others.

Doing better means that you choose not to stay stagnant; when you have new knowledge, you act on it by applying and teaching. Truly successful individuals know that seeking to do better means that you are in constant pursuit of your potential. Once you hit a milestone, another appears for which you can now reach.

The true definition of serving others requires that we continuously pursue our potential.

3. Think first of others and then yourself

The heart of service demands that you think first of others and then yourself. This doesn't mean that you need to sacrifice your true desires; however, it does mean that whatever you do, you seek to do it in a way that benefits others.

When you make decisions, be sure that it is driven by the right reasons. If your reasons in any way shape or form do harm to others, you should not do it. This can come in varying degrees which means that the more aware you are the better you will be at recognizing when to do what.

Overall, the goal is to simply put others first before you act. The natural law – the principle is that when you help others get what they need your needs will automatically be met. This is the cornerstone of thinking of others first and then yourself.

4. Give others what they need, not what they want

This can often be a hard thing to do because many of us have a great need to be liked by others. In true service to others, it is vital that we endeavor to give others what they need and not what they want.

It's the basic adage of teaching others how to fish rather than constantly giving them a fish. You do way more harm than good when you feed others and never teach them how to feed themselves.

Simply put, what others want is food; what they need is to learn how to cultivate their own crops. Sure, there are extreme cases where this is not as easy as it sounds here; however, I guarantee you that the same principle will hold true. Even as you or I might give to charities around the globe – to starving children – deep down the solution to the problem lies with the people themselves being taught how to produce for themselves. It cannot be disputed or refuted – it simply is.

When you constantly give others what they want instead of what they need, you enable them and create bad habits that become even harder to break later. In essence, you cripple a person's ability to think and do for self and to expect rewards without work.

The true definition of service requires that, even when it is difficult, you give others what they need instead of what they want.

5. Discover your true purpose

Even though you might be able to do some good, you will never be able to create and deliver your unique greatness to others unless you discover your true purpose. This is the only way to serve others in full – you must discover what it is you were born to do. We all have a unique gift – a talent that only we – you can deliver to the world.

It doesn't matter what your passion is – there is a way to use it to create and deliver value to others. I could go on and on here; however, I have already written 2 extensive articles on the topic that I truly believe can help you get started on the right path to discovering your true purpose. They are How to Discover Your True Purpose and The Power of Purpose. My suggestion is to start here if you need a little guidance.

The other 4 elements will become clearer and more focused than ever when you've discovered your true purpose and how to use it in service to others. This is the true definition of serving others.

 

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Freedom from Fear

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Let me begin this article by making one thing perfectly clear; Freedom from Fear is an illusion. While we don't fear all things, every person on this planet does fear some things. We have fears we are currently aware of and fears yet still to emerge – there is absolutely no question about it.

The good news is that what does exist is FREEDOM; so while we may never be free from having fear we are certainly free to choose how we deal with these fears. Most often in my experience I find that too many choose inaction because of fear rather than action in spite of it. In fact, many rob themselves and the world of their true greatness because of fear.

Fear is in fact a disease of the mind that causes a great deal of stagnation in many individuals. It promotes the status quo and reinforces conformity rather than leadership.

The goal of this article is to help you understand how to consistently achieve the results you desire despite any fears that you may have. Essentially, it is crucial to understand that Freedom from Fear simply means that you have the freedom to choose how you respond to your fears.

There are 5 essential questions that you need to ask yourself when facing a fear in order to make the most effective choice. Answering these questions honestly and then choosing to act on them accordingly will undoubtedly and significantly improve the results you achieve.

1. What do I fear?

First and foremost you must understand exactly what it is that you fear. If you neither know nor understand what you fear, you cannot effectively deal with it. This is why it is very important to examine your behavior and disposition in an objective and honest manner so that you can accurately assess where you stand. Once you truly understand the nature and/or cause of your fear then you can take the necessary steps to address it.

2. Why do I fear it?

Next, it is equally vital to decipher why you fear what you fear. Knowing why sheds light on the root cause of the issue thereby providing the answer to the very question. Knowing why immediately tells you from what angle to address the issue. In other words, you may simply need to talk through your fear whereas in another case you may need to experience your fear in order to overcome it. Simply put, knowing why fuels the resolution at the optimum level.

3. Is it more beneficial to surrender or conquer?

Not that I can ever think of any reason not to conquer any fear; however, this is still a crucial question to ask. It is important if for no other reason but to truly embody the value of overcoming your fear. You see, while I can see no good reason to surrender to any fear, it is extremely important to be painfully aware of the significant gap between what happens when you choose to surrender versus when you choose to conquer. There can be no comparison in the way you feel or the results you achieve. To conquer your fear is to acknowledge it and choose to act anyway in the pursuit of right and fulfilling action.

4. Does my choice create and deliver value to others?

Freedom from Fear requires that you understand the value that is created and delivered to others when you choose to conquer your fears. As I truly believe that each of us has an overall purpose on this planet to use our unique gifts and talents in ways that serve others. With that said, it is important to ask yourself whether or not your actions despite your fear serve others; if they create and deliver value to others.

Since fear serves no purpose but to hold you back from your true greatness, it is vital to understand how your choice to conquer your fears impacts others. When you can honestly say that choosing to act regardless of any fear you may have truly creates and delivers value to others, your personal power to choose FREEDOM will significantly improve.

5. What is the right thing to do?

This question is on the list for one major reason; if all else fails with the above all you have to do is figure out what the right thing is and then do it. Essentially, if succumbing to fear robs you and the world of your true greatness, then it is not the right thing to do. Yes, I realize that in some cases this is easier said than done; however, it doesn't change the fact that when fear is at the helm, greatness cannot emerge.

While there is always room for fear, there is no room for fear in the cockpit. The bottom line is that at the end of the day, just do the right thing and almost everything else will fall into place. Do what you truly believe is right and then live with the consequences of your choice. More often than not you will find that you've made the best decision.

When you can answer the above 5 questions honestly, you will be much more equipped to make effective choices to conquer your fears. Once you understand that Freedom from Fear is an illusion and that the only true freedom comes from choosing how you respond to your fears, you will begin to see immediate and positive effects in the results you achieve.

In conclusion, it is important to note that not all fears are created equal so it goes without saying that conquering some fears will be harder than others. Additionally, depending on the depth and breadth of your fear, some will take longer than others. The objective of this article is to provide you with a starting point and a practical approach to begin the process of overcoming your fears.

Now get conquering!  

 

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Others

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Ann Mincey, one of my dear friends and incredible mentors once gave me a card that simply read "Others." Puzzled by the blank card with this one simple word inked on it, I asked her, "Why did you give this to me." She humbly replied "Because my pastor gave it to me while expressing his appreciation for my heart and spirit to lift and grow others and now I am passing it on to you because I see the same gift and potential in you."

Wow! That was indeed a deep and abiding moment for us both. I was of course instantly humbled by Ann's expression in her appreciation for the gift of my heart and spirit. That moment further drove home the irrefutable law that our overall purpose, each and every one of us, is to create and distribute value in the service of OTHERS.

It is in this vein that I invite you to truly consider "others" in your choices and actions. Truly successful and highly effective individuals not only understand the true meaning of service, they further grasp the other side of service which is the expectation of others. This simply means that in service, it is crucial that you truly understand whom you are serving, to what end and how to do it effectively so that others derive true benefits.

With that said, the following is a dictum to help you not only understand what to do through your voice but also what to consider through the voice of others before you make choices and take action.

The Voice between You & Others

To serve others is a promise manifested in duality; it considers your voice as well as the voice of others. It behooves us all to not only endeavor to know our voice but also to understand those of others.

See it through the eye of your spirit, feel it upon your heart, act on it within your mind and execute it with your body.

The use of your voice in service to others to help them find their voices is the pinnacle of greatness. For these are sacred promises… LISTEN!

You: I promise to always serve you and act only in your best interest

Others: As long as you also promise never to assume that your interests are also mine

You: I promise to always give you the very best of me

Others: As long as you also promise to always give me what I need and not always what I want

You: I promise to always push you to do your very best

Others: As long as you also promise to always expect the best of me from me and not the best of you from me

You: I promise to always listen actively whenever you express your heart to me

Others: As long as you also promise to always seek first to understand and then to be understood

You: I promise to always offer you my best words of wisdom

Others: As long as you also promise to always wait until requested or ask my permission

You: I promise to always provide you honest feedback when requested

Others: As long as you also promise never to judge me by your standards

You: I promise to always treat you with unconditional love

Others: As long as you also promise to always treat me the way you wish to be treated

If you dug deep, I am sure you could come up with even more voices like the above that would make the point. Just remember to consider not only your voice in service but also the voice of others. Without the consideration of others, it will be impossible to truly create and deliver value that benefits the world.

Love,

Dean

 

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Fear of Rejection

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"No" is a reflection of the speaker's perception; feeling rejected is a reflection of the receiver's perception.

Many people have a very healthy fear of rejection. In fact, in a majority of cases, it causes afflictions of analysis paralysis that border on incurable. This fear fuels the number one fear of them all which is public humiliation. No one wants to feel rejected and certainly not in public – this is a major issue.

The good news is that analysis paralysis is always curable and your fears can all be dealt with effectively as long as you have the right information, tools and resources.

The goal of this article is to help you understand the fear of rejection and provide you some practical tips to help you deal with it.

First of all your fear is understandable; it is human to avoid rejection at all cost. The main issue with this challenge is that most people do not understand it. It is one of those things that aren't too often explained to your satisfaction. My hope is that through this breakdown, you will have a better understanding of this fear thereby giving you more confidence with which to manage it and ultimately remove it.

The quote above presents a nice summation for understanding this fear. You see when someone tells you "no" or refuses your "offering and/or advances", his/her answer and position have nothing to do with you. No matter what you believe, the fact is that people don't refuse to do things based on others; it is based on something within them.

Certainly, some of his/her consideration rests with you; however, it's not so much about who you are but whom they perceive you to be. It is important to understand, that playing integral roles in a person's responses are conditioning, experience and belief – all of these create his/her perception.

This means that when the answer is no, they aren't rejecting you but rather something within them that is derived from their conditioning, their experiences, their beliefs; their perception.

This is how you should view the person responding in the negative; not having anything to do with you but everything to do with them.

As one of my mentors puts it, "people's opinion of me is none of my business." This is because the only opinion of you that really matters in the long run is the one you have of yourself. If you wish others to see you in a certain way, you must first endeavor to see yourself in that way. Then and only then will you achieve your desire.

Now, once you've understood and accepted it – it will be much easier to understand your feelings as they pertain to rejection. Your fear of rejection then is a direct result of how you perceive yourself. It doesn't matter that you associate this fear with what you believe others might think of you – the fact is that it's all stems from the way you feel about YOU!

What this means is that when someone responds to you in the negative, feeling rejected is a result of your perception of yourself. It is based on your conditioning, your experiences, your beliefs; your perception.

The goal then is to work at truly accepting, appreciating and approving of the authentic you. When you do things; make offerings and/or advances based on your true purpose and what you believe in your core is right, you will be less likely to feel rejected by anyone's negative response. You will be able to simply surmise that your offering is not for this person, be truly thankful for the opportunity to share and graciously move on to someone else whom might need what you have.

To cure your fear of rejection then, you only need be at peace with who you are. It is only when we are not that we feel rejected. Remember that there are different areas of our lives where we experience different levels of confidence; therefore, the level of your fear will differ depending on where you are with your confidence as it relates to the particular area in question at any given time. (Phew – hope that made sense)

The only way to remove your fear of rejection is to remove your rejection of yourself. To do this you only need do 3 things:

1. Accept the authentic you – truly being ok with the person you are while knowing that you always have room to improve.

2. Appreciate your true gifts and talents – know that you are unique and that you have value to add to the world and the people in it. Your offering is different than everyone else's; however, it is still valuable and there are those who need it and only you can provide it.

3. Approve of the person you see in the mirror – no matter what, you have to approve of yourself. If you don't like the person looking back at you in the mirror then take the necessary steps to change you. You will always be able to approve of you once you recognize that you are the master of your fate and that you can be anything and anyone you wish to be.

I have already written extensively on the 3 As so it is a good place to start when you're ready to tackle, manage and ultimately overcome your fear of rejection.

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The Power of Purpose

Discovering your true purpose is an essential factor in the success of your personal growth. Sadly, too many of us will never fulfill our true calling which is a shame since the world would be robbed of great deeds because of this. This I truly believe to be so.

Perhaps though, it is because not enough of us understand the power of purpose. Experience has taught me that individuals who do understand its great power more often than not do great deeds.

The goal of this article is to help raise your awareness; to help you understand the powerful significance of your reason for being. There is not one living thing on this planet or anywhere for that matter that does not have a unique reason for existing. We each have our own uniqueness to offer the world; we have but to tap into it and discover how best to share it.

Understanding purpose

A purpose-driven life is one of focus, leadership and enlightenment. When you discover your true purpose, all your choices become much more clear and you move with reason rather than with randomness. You experience less chaos and confusion in your relationships and projects and you move continuously while others seem to stand still.

Purpose fuels motivation and leads to hope and inspiration because of your determination to fulfill your calling. Others benefit from your choices and you are happy because you feel fulfilled by the value that your work – your purpose has provided for others.

Purpose is not to be taken lightly; it is what you have been called to this plane to fulfill. There is unlimited power in this truth. Even when you do not fully understand your impact, still it is there when you are living out your true purpose. When you throw a rock into the stream and watch the ripples go out until they disappear from sight, it doesn't mean that the ripples cease. It simply means that you cannot know the full depth, breadth or magnitude of the ripple effect of your choices. This is the principle reason why it is so important to discover and pursue your true purpose in life.

Imagine a world…

In order to understand the power of purpose, I suggest that you first imagine an ideal world where every person existing in it pursued his/her true purpose. Imagine each individual committing to seek out his/her reason for being and then making choices to pursue it fully.

I don't know about you but this is a world in which I want to live.

Don't get me wrong – good and bad exist within all of us and quite frankly, there are lessons that this world needs to learn through having to suffer the bad deeds as well. With that said, wouldn't it be incredible if everyone passionately pursued his/her true purpose in life?

The greatness in such an era is unimaginable – it stretches the mind of most beyond the scope of its limiting beliefs. Still, a world where we all pursued our true reason for being is a world where all people strived to create and distribute value to others. In this world, each person would be happily seeking ways in which they could be of service to their fellow man.

This is the true power of purpose.

Your reason for being

True happiness lies in purpose – your reason for being. Have you ever wondered why so many people are still so unhappy even when they seem to have it all? You know – deep down – that there must be something missing. Sure, it is easier to judge such persons for being bratty and ungrateful; however, more often than not – there is something deeper going on inside them.

This is not to say that all unhappy people lack purpose; however, you would be hard-pressed to find someone who is pursuing his/her true purpose who is also unhappy. Even if there are elements of that person's life that he/she does not like – purpose empowers you to change it for the better.

In my experience, your reason for being is your salvation – it is the cradle you should seek when all else seems to fail. When you have found your unique way in which you will serve the world, little else can ever make you unhappy ever again. Furthermore, you will achieve far more greatness and significance when you are operating on your unique frequency.

I would go as far as to say that if you can imagine a world where everyone pursued his/her true purpose, you would have a world where the 80/20 rule gets turned upside down. Rest assured that in a wonderful world such as this, common conditions of societal breakdown and destruction would occur far less frequently; particularly the following 6 states would reverse in many cases.

1. Wealth without Work
2. Pleasure without Conscience
3. Knowledge without Character
4. Commerce without Morality
5. Science without Humanity, and
6. Worship without Sacrifice

I've written a full blown article on these societal breakdowns which you can read here.

These are the types of conditions and societal erosion upon which the power of purpose would have the most significant and profoundly positive impact.

This is why I urge you not to take it lightly; understand that you do the world an atrocious disservice when you choose not to seek out your reason for being, pursue it fervently and fulfill it.

 

 

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Leading a Principle Centered Life

There is definitely a lot of information available on principle centered living. What I have discovered in my experience is that many people still do not understand what it means to lead of life grounded in correct principles.

The goal of this article is to help raise your awareness to how principles apply practically to our lives and also to help you more easily discern whether or not you a living a life grounded in correct principles.

Even at times when I refer to the term – I still get puzzled looks from so many individuals; either because they believe that they already lead a life grounded in correct principles or because they do not understand the difference as to whether they are or not.

Before you can begin to discern the kind of life you are living, two things need to happen.

First, you must understand that there are different centers of life from which people operate more dominantly than others; and…

Second, you must then decide what kind of life you want to lead.

In this vein, let us understand what some of the different centers are and how they operate. The goal here is to help you become painfully aware of where you are in this spectrum so that you can make better choices to get where you truly want to be.

As learned from one of my favorite books of all time, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, following are 5 of the most common centers from which people direct their lives. These centers often lead to unsatisfactory results in other areas of your life because they are not grounded in correct principles.

1. Spouse Centered

When you are spouse centered, you view your spouse as the main source of need and satisfaction.

You tend to view the other 4 centers as follows:

Family – good in its place but is of less importance and viewed as no more than a common project

Money – necessary to properly take care of spouse

Church – an activity to enjoy together; however it is completely subordinate to the relationship with your spouse

Self – your self-worth comes from your spouse; the way your spouse views you is of utmost importance which makes you highly and unhealthily vulnerable to spouse attitudes and behaviors

2. Family Centered

When you are family centered, it becomes your highest priority no matter who they are or how they treat you.

You tend to view the other 4 centers as follows:

Spouse – just another part of the family and certainly not more important than the whole

Money – economic support for family

Church – source of help for family; you always go together or not at all

Self – a vital part of the family; however, subordinate to it

3. Money Centered

When you are money centered, it becomes your main source of security and fulfillment; without it you feel small and insignificant.

You tend to view the other 4 centers as follows:

Spouse – an asset or liability in acquiring money

Family – as an economic drain and not much more

Church – as a tax write-off; and moreover just another bunch of charlatans with their hands in your pocket

Self – self-worth is determined by net worth; nothing matters more than how much you have in the bank

4. Church Centered

When you are church centered, it is the highest source of priority and guidance in your life; before you make a move, you must consult with the church.

You tend to view the other 4 centers as follows:

Spouse – a companion in or facilitator for church service, or a trial of faith

Family – models to exemplify adherence to church teachings, or trails of faith

Money – as a means to support church and family in their devotion to church; considered evil if it becomes a greater priority than church or church activities

Self – self worth is determined by level of devotion to church and church activities; your performance and deeds are driven by church doctrine and ethics and nothing else

5. Self Centered

When you are self centered, the focus always has to be you. You believe that you are better, smarter and more right than anyone else. You feel justified in focusing all resources on your personal gratification.

You tend to view the other 4 centers as follows:

Spouse – as your personal possession only there to please and satisfy you

Family – again, viewed as your personal possession available at your beck and call to satisfy your needs

Money – once again, another source to fulfill your needs

Church – surprise; yet another vehicle to perform self-serving deeds

As you can see by examining these 5 different centers; none of them live up to natural laws; correct principles. When your choices are made with any of these centers as the compass, it will never be for the good of all.

On the other hand, the exact opposite is true of principle centered living. In fact, that's the core meaning of it; it requires that your choices are always for the good of all. It doesn't mean that everyone has to like or agree with your choices; however, it does mean that when you make your choices you do so knowing that you are doing the right thing.

Here's what it means in relation to the other 5 centers mentioned.

Principle Centered

When you are principle centered, you endeavor to live your life in adherence to immutable natural laws which cannot be violated with impunity. You only make choices based on your core values and beliefs grounded in correct principles which always leads to true growth and happiness.

You tend to view the other 5 centers as follows:

Spouse – as an equal partner in a mutually beneficial and interdependent relationship

Family – as an opportunity for service and contribution; a source of fulfillment and also as an opportunity for teaching and leading the next generation in positive change

Money – as a resource that enables you to achieve your dreams and goals in important service and contribution to the world

Church – as a vehicle for practicing true principles; another opportunity for service and contribution

Self – as a unique, talented and creative individual living among many other unique, talented and creative individuals working independently and interdependently to achieve great things

This is what it means to lead a principle centered life.

I highly recommend that you read the entire book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People to receive the full benefit of understanding the different centers and how they operate. It is one of the single most insightful pieces of literature I have ever read. In fact, it played a huge part in my own journey of personal growth and pursuit of personal excellence.

Instead of placing a high value on things which are temporary; place the highest value on principles because they are eternal. So many people consistently wish for more money so that they can buy more things when what they really need to wish for is more time. You see, with time, you can do anything you want – the possibilities are endless.

You see time is a principle that works this way…

"There are limits to the time you have to live; however, there are no limits to how you live your time."

Make your time on this plane significant by making a difference in the life of others; endeavor to lead a principle centered life.

 

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Goal Setting for Life

Goal oriented individuals in my experience seem to always accomplish more in less time than most. Truly successful individuals move with purpose like the marines who consistently claim that they get more done by 6am than most people do all day. I have to say that I've known a few marines and this claim holds a lot of water – they get it done.

I have already written extensively on goal setting; however, the portion on goal setting for life deserves an outtake of its own. Once you understand the effective way to set goals, setting them for life becomes a much more focused task that requires a bit more thought and thoroughness.

The objective of this article is to help raise your awareness to the factors you must consider when creating your life's blueprint. These elements will most certainly help you make better choices and take more purposeful actions to achieve the results you desire. Your success rate will most definitely explode once you begin applying these to your life.

Following are the 5 factors you must consider when you decide to write the program for your life.

1. What do you love?

The first thing that you must do is figure out what you love to do. When you do this, I suggest you be honest with yourself. Go for "pie in the sky" and dig deep; whatever it is you love to do – jot it down.

This should be the thing that you are most passionate about doing. The type of thing you would do for free if money were no object. Figure out what that is and make a note of it.

2. What is important to you?

This factor usually escapes most people; they don't even realize that they've never considered it until their relationships and endeavors begin to unravel. Truly thinking about what is most important to you will help you make better decisions about how you spend your time and energy.

This is vital to your success because as most have learned, some in harder ways than others, you simply can't do it all. You must prioritize and execute around those priorities.

As Stephen R. Covey puts it, "many spend all their time climbing to the top only to find that their ladder was leaning against the wrong wall." Don't let this be you. Figure out what is most important to you, prioritize these things in your life and execute around them.

3. How do you create value doing what you love?

Again, another factor that escapes 99% of us; most don't realize that doing what you love is meaningless unless it creates value for others. There's simply no point doing what you love if no one benefits from it.

In other words, not only does it go against natural laws because our abundance lies in the quality of our service to others; but also, if you are not creating value for others, no one will pay for it – neither in time nor money.

With that said, you must also figure out how you can do what you love in a way that creates and distributes value to others. It must be fulfilling because you make a difference; rather than just success in your own right, doing what you love should take you to significance because you positively impact the lives of others.

4. Develop a routine

Goal setting for life requires diligence; it demands that you are disciplined enough to follow through on the things you need to do. Sometimes the main difference between those who succeed and those who do not are habits. When you move in a scattered and unfocused manner, the results you achieve are just that. The exact opposite is true for those who move with clarity and focus; the results they achieve reflect that.

This means taking a long hard look at yourself and admitting to your shortcomings. Think about the things you are good at and continue to improve but also, look at the areas where you can really use improvement and take the steps to do so. The quicker you step up your game in the areas of weakness, the quicker you will see the results you desire.

5. Stick with it

The other 4 factors do not matter at all unless you see it through. Remember that failure is an event, never a person. This means that you are a winner no matter what; you only need study and learn from your failures. That's what mistakes are for – to teach you valuable lessons so that you can make adjustments. When you only focus on the negative in your failures, it leads to frustration and depression causing most to give up.

The truth is that we've all been there – that place within us where we just feel like giving up. That's OK – all I'm saying is don't let it defeat you. Keep going and no matter what happens don't quit doing what you love. The truth is that when you quit doing what you love, you not only rob yourself but also the world of your true greatness. This is a disservice to all – those you know and even those you don't. We cannot know fully the impact of the ripple effect of our choices but rest assured that they often impact others in ways that you may never know. This is why it is important to make conscientious choices.

So, stick with it – never give up and you'll see your dreams and goals come to fruition. Goal setting for life demands that you commit to see it through all the way and nothing less.

These 5 factors are the ones you must consider before you create your blueprint. Once you've read and understand these, it is time to ensure that you understand how to go about setting and achieving your goals.

 

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How to Live Life in the Top 20%

This article addresses a very simple but common dilemma for many individuals. So many people, some of whom I counsel, are in a constant state of living below their true potential. In fact, the latest statistic suggests that 90% of the population only controls 7% of the financial wealth and that the top 1% is controlling almost 50% of the total financial wealth.

I don't know about you but that just sounds dismal to me.

The fact is that 80% of wealth of any kind is controlled by only 20% of the population. What's more, getting into that top 20% is a simple feat; however, it just isn't easy. I suppose if it were easy everyone would do it.

The question is, do you want to learn how to live life in the top 20%? If so, stick around – this article will cover some fundamental insights to get you on your way pronto.

Truly successful individuals see things differently; they think differently and just have a different swagger than most other people. It isn't that they are necessarily smarter; they are just more keenly aware of principles – universal laws by which the world operates. It is this understanding that sets them apart because they are able to make choices that are aligned with principles which always yield more significant and impactful results.

Truly successful individuals – the ones that live in the top 20% understand and believe in 5 fundamental principles. These can be as obtuse or as acute as they need to be depending on your goal. If you can embody and practice these 5 principles, you will begin to experience life like the top 20%.

Choice

The first principle is that of choice. Truly successful individuals understand that choice precipitates all things; that it our choices determine the results we ultimately achieve. Just remember that you have what you have and you are where you are because of the choices you have made. This is true whether you are aware of it or not or believe it or not. Take responsibility for your choices – everyone in the top 20% does.

Purpose

Without purpose, you are doomed to wander this plain in a state of mind no better than that of a mindless zombie. True purpose is a major difference between those who achieve their goals and those who do not. If you truly want to discover how to live a life in the top 20%, you must commit to finding your true purpose.

It is through purpose that we make a difference; this is the fuel that drives us to greatness. Without it, one can expect no more than a life of mediocrity.

Value

All truly successful individuals understand that regardless of what they do, they must make certain that they create and distribute value to others. Once you have discovered your true purpose, your next step is to figure out the best way you can make a difference in the lives of others through it. If through your purpose you only serve yourself, your life in the top 20% will be short-lived. We all have within us unique gifts and talents that help us create and distribute value to others; you only need look deep enough to find it.

Service

The fourth principle is that of service. What purpose do you serve – what needs do you meet? Many people misunderstood the meaning of service – often misconstruing it with subservience. Nothing could be further from the truth. Living a life in service simple means; through your unique gifts and talents you execute your true purpose in a way that creates and distributes value to others. It has nothing to do with being passive of submissive to others – rather it's more about being submissive to your spirit and doing everything you can to do as it directs you.

Love

The fifth principle is that of love. What the top 20% understand about love that most do not is that it is not a noun – it's a verb. Love is doing – doing what you love – doing onto to others as you would have them do unto you. Truly successful individuals put true love into everything that they do. They treat everyone that they connect with lovingly and act from a place of love through their deeds.

In fact, acting in true love brings the other four principles into crystal clear focus. This is because when you act from the love center, you make better choices, stay true to your purpose, serve others more benevolently which creates greater value and demonstrates authentic service.

Through the application of these 5 fundamental principles, you will discover how to live life in the top 20%.

 

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The Whole Person Concept

Too often, we forget that a person is made up of more stuff that we show gratitude and appreciation for. I have never known the days when it was standard to look at each person as a Whole Person.

That might sound a bit odd – BUT – think about it a moment…

How do you view the people in your life? Can you honestly say you see them as a whole or do you just look at and relate to them in part?

The world's greatest resource is people and to view them any less than as a whole is truly a disservice to them and you. This article focuses on the "Whole Person Concept." Essentially, it means truly viewing each person to whom you are connected in completeness.

The more you can see, understand, appreciate and show gratitude for all that a person is, the better the results you will achieve in your personal growth. Furthermore, the more you truly see a person for all that they are, the greater value you are able to add to their lives. Basically, the Whole Person Concept is a sure way to fuel motivation, empowerment, hope and ultimately true success.

The Whole Person Concept says that a person is made up of 4 quadrants – body, mind, heart and spirit. Truly successful individuals understand the importance of growing positively in all these areas. None of these are neglected in the equation because the health of each determines how high you will climb. To the degree that you can nurture and develop the 4 quadrants of you and also in others, the results you and they achieve will mirror alike.

For instance, I could, and I have, ask 100 people in a room "How many believe that the individuals that work for your organization possess more talent, more creativity and more passion than your current job requires or even allows?" Almost 100% of the time more than 90% of the people in that room raise their hands.

Now I don't know about you but to me that is a crying shame – utterly despicable. Why would any company want to hire a half a person or only part of a person? It makes perfect sense why we continue to see declines in productivity and efficiency. No one is truly valued and therefore remain unmotivated and unfulfilled. This is a recipe for lackluster results to say the least.

The Whole Person Concept requires that you tap into all 4 parts of the human make-up; body, mind, heart and spirit.

The Body

The body represents health, goods and services – it is where we meet our physical needs. Taking care of the body is crucial to your personal growth and success simply because we live in a physical world. Without a healthy body, one becomes lethargic, lazy and unmotivated.

As it relates to body, it is also important to understand the underlying symbol such as goods and services. If your goods and services are below standard, have little value and meet the needs of no one – they are useless. In other words, taking care of the body does not just mean your physical body; but also that of your work as well as your goods and services. These are also elements of the body.

Companies that put in place a strategic focus on health, work-life balance and the importance of a healthier lifestyle continue to see increases year after year in productivity, efficiency and overall morale. No matter what else is going on in the economy, when the needs of the body are met, increases in almost every area is automatic.

This is the reason it is so important not only to nurture and develop the body in positive ways but also to help others do the same.

The Mind

So often we fail to treat people like people and instead treat them more like machines. This is a prevalent condition in the corporate world. In fact, I find it absolutely ludicrous that in this day and age, you still find machines on the asset side of the balance sheet while people remain on the liability side of the balance sheet.

The truth is that it is extremely imperative for growth that we focus on tapping into and building the minds of others. Too often, people's true gifts and talents are overlooked because someone is following what it meant to be a guide as if it's the end all be all of knowledge.

The Whole Person Concept demands that you seek to grow your mind and tap into the minds of others. Find out what other people are truly good at and then help them to cultivate that in an effort to create and distribute value to others in unique ways.

So many times when you hear people complain about work, you hear about what the company is doing wrong and how no one listens to them. This is the cry of more than 90% of all employees working everywhere. This to me is a travesty.

Instead of telling people how to do something, simply relay the results you are trying to achieve and then turn them loose to find the best ways to accomplish the task. Give them the mission, make sure that they buy in and then refrain from policing their methods in how they achieve the goal.

I guarantee that the more you can do this for yourself and others, the greater the results you will achieve. A major reason for this is that people will more quickly commit to and promote what they help to create.

Remember that in the mind lives your true gifts and talents and through the body you can bring these to life. Any limitations on this will limit your personal growth and the results you achieve.

The Heart

The heart is where your true passion lives; it is where your innermost desires are born. Countless people go about their lives every day wishing for the moment when they will get the opportunity to truly do what they are passionate about.

In my experience, it does you no good to wait around for the opportunity to come to you – go forth and create it. Too many times, companies and people forget to find out what really drives others. It is important to know what makes people get out of bed in the morning – what people would do whether they got paid or not.

Think about it…

If money were no object, what would you be doing with your time? Are you doing that right now?

I am almost certain that most people would have to answer No to the second question. The sad fact is that 99% of people do not spend the bulk of their time doing what they are truly passionate about – what they truly love to do. Companies focus even less on tapping into this part of a person. They seem to function on the premise that as long as their ends are achieved, all is good. All the while though, frustration, depression and ultimately turnover begins to plague that organization. Companies with smart leadership do the opposite and see tremendous success because of it.

Even when people stay on the job, it is often just because they need a paycheck – a portion of which they spend deriving their fulfillment off the job.

In order to bring out the true greatness in others, focus on helping them to realize and develop their true passion. Passionate people always deliver better results. When you feel passionate about what you are doing, motivation, hope and empowerment all become second nature. This is a recipe for greatness.

When you are able to match people's gifts and talents with what they are passionate about, the possibilities become limitless in the success you can achieve.

The Spirit

In order to make significant strides in your personal growth and help others to grow, it is vital that you nurture and grow the spirit. The spirit is where your conscience lives – this is your inner compass. Your core values and beliefs are formed here. This is the helm from which you direct the other 3 quadrants.

The spirit tells you whether or not what you are doing is right. It validates your choices; either they are aligned with your true beliefs or they are not. When we make choices that are directed by our spirit, the results we achieve will most certainly be greater by leaps and bounds.

Just to be clear, the spirit does not necessarily have anything to do with your religious beliefs. It is more about making choices that come from your inner blueprint – the mantra by which you live your life. The spirit is where you decipher whether or not through your passion, your true gifts and talents and your service – you are truly creating and distributing value to others. The spirit is at the nucleus of body, mind and heart. Working together, they are more powerful than most can imagine.

The Whole Person

You can never truly see a person unless you can appreciate and show gratitude for all 4 quadrants of that person. True greatness comes from building all 4 – making them strong. To achieve significant strides in your personal growth, it is imperative that you understand this concept and endeavor to develop each of the 4 quadrants in yourself. Once you begin to do that, helping others to achieve the same will become a habit.

Too often parts of us sit on the sidelines waiting for the coach to put us in the game. I say stop waiting – get off the sidelines and just get in the game. The only person stopping you is you.

 

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Killer Series: 7 Steps to Killer Networking Skills

Networking has long been one of the most important things you can do to increase your visibility and influence. Individuals who have developed strong networks tend to almost always get ahead faster and more efficiently than those who do not.

Sure, it takes more than a strong network to achieve at high levels; however, a strong network provides a lot more opportunities for you to make your mark. In fact, while book-smarts can often be very important in your success – it is much more difficult to hit your goals without a strong network. On the other hand, if you have a strong network – you can succeed at the highest levels even without book-smarts. That, I guess, makes Killer Networking more like street-smarts.

In my experience, having a strong network has proven to be one of the most crucial elements in my successes. In fact, I give great credit to where I am now to the incredible network that I have been able to develop and continue to cultivate. A very significant part of my pursuit of personal growth and excellence includes killer networking. Developing this skill, I believe, is absolutely necessary for you to achieve at the highest levels.

Following are the 7 steps to killer networking skills that once mastered will undoubtedly help you improve in your personal growth and rapidly move the needle closer to your goals.

1. Be proactive

The first rule of thumb in networking is that you have to do something; nothing happens unless you make it happen. Sitting around and hoping that you get the opportunity to meet the right people at the right time is a fool's folly.

In fact, the very core of networking is that you are constantly in the mode of connecting with others. If you are not moving towards others, you're not truly seeking to expand your circle.

To be proactive as a skilled networker means that you understand that you are 100% responsible for taking the steps necessary to make meaningful connections. Individuals with highly developed skills in this art are always seeking to collaborate with others who are going somewhere – adding value – doing things that make a difference.

So in a nutshell – get off your ass-ets and do something. 

2. Study the landscape

While you are being proactive, it is crucially important to know with whom you are dealing. Whenever you seek to network with others, it is important that you understand who they are and what they are about. Simply stepping into the arena and not know your audience almost always proves to be an amateur's move.

Studying the landscape will ensure that you know just what makes the people you seek to connect with tick. At the very least, you should understand their interests and know their accomplishments. Also, it is a very good idea to look for commonalities either in personality or experiences. The bottom line is it can only help you if you can decipher different ways you can actually connect with others in a meaningful way.

When I say study the landscape – I don't mean for manipulative purposes. What I mean is that once you know your audience, you can find truly authentic and more impactful ways of making a connection.

Killer networkers are avid researchers; they are constantly looking for common ground on which to play with others. The fact is that they understand that the more relative and level you can make the playing field, the greater your chances of hitting a home run in the networking arena.

So, do your homework before you dive into the pond to play with the big fishes.

3. Act with purpose

When it comes to networking, Killer Networkers only move with a mission. They know precisely these 4 things:

1. What they are going to do
2. Why they are going to do it
3. How they are going to do it
4. When they are going to do it

There are no accidents in the purpose-driven life of killer networkers. Acting with purpose means that unless you have a plan for the connection you seek to make – you don't move on it.

Certainly, there are times when things will happen spontaneously; however, these moments are the exception and not the rule. At times like that you simply act in a manner that feels right to you and live with the consequences of your actions. Besides, you're not simply giving to get – you're just being a good human being.

So, don't move unless you can answer the 4 questions above and then put some pep in your step.

4. Seek to help

This is one the most missed principle in the art of killer networking. Killer networkers truly believe in helping others. In fact, it is the nucleus of why they network in the first place. Sure, there is a very public agenda to advance in your own dreams and goals; however, there is a clear understanding of how powerful it is when you simply help others achieve their dreams and goals.

Killer Networking requires that you genuinely seek to help others. That means that you deliberately seek to understand the desires of others and then apply your true gifts and talents to help them achieve the results they desire.

Most people, when they attend a networking event, go with one purpose – to hand out as many business cards as possible and talk about how great they are. This is utterly useless – not to mention obnoxious. Does anyone else find this person or annoying or is it just me?

If you truly want to improve your networking skills – take it to the highest level – seek to genuinely help others achieve their dreams and goals. Find ways to be of great value to others and they will never forget you for that. In fact, they will automatically become your biggest cheerleaders.

The networkers who only talk about themselves and their perceived greatness come off as the type who don't need cheerleaders because they've already got it all. No one needs to talk about these people because according to them they are all set – NOT!

So, remember, killer networkers truly seek to help others achieve their dreams and goals.

5. Keep your word

This is so important! The truth is this is not only the quickest and most effective way to grow your influence – not doing it is the quickest way to shrink your circle. All killer networkers know that it is imperative that they keep their word.

If you say that you are going to do something – do it. Don't over exaggerate your influence and be sure to under-promote and then over-deliver. When you keep your word, you deposit into the truest bank account. The more deposits you make the more willing others become to help you out when you need it. Again, the more trustworthy you are the more cheerleaders you are going to have and the faster your network explodes.

When you develop a circle of trust around you in your network; other people clamor to get into it. Your word is your bond – it means everything. If you can't keep your word, you might as well quit networking right now because all your efforts will be in futility.

Just think about how you feel when others don't deliver on what they say they will. Do you continue a fruitful relationship with such individuals or entities? Of course not – even on a second chance to make good, we move very cautiously.

So, keep your word and watch your network explode beyond your wildest dreams.

6. Stay in touch

One of the most important things you can do to maintain your network is to stay in touch on a regular basis. This takes effort and commitment and you must be willing to do it in order to yield the best results.

Killer networkers are masters at follow up and staying in touch. Often times they tend to call unexpectedly but somehow right at the most needed times. So often I call people where they say to me "Dean, I am so glad you called me today. I really needed to hear that."

Not only does that feel really great to hear that you were able to make somebody's day but also, people remember these moments forever. They never forget what you did.

For instance, one of my great mentors has a wife that suffered a heart attack and stroke. Of course this was an extremely difficult time for him. Now I don't know what his health plan is like but I do know it's the best of the best just because of whom he is and where he works.

With that said, I could just see the toll this was taking on him and I could only imagine what his wife was going through. I didn't really know if or how I could help him through this – I only know that I felt compelled to do something.

I didn't care about what he could and might do for me – I just really wanted to help. In that vein, I decided to send him an e-mail that outlined an alternative health care regimen for individuals who suffer heart attacks and strokes. It cost me nothing but a little time since I am a member of Natural Cures.com. I simply went to the website – looked up the info and sent it to him.

Needless to say, he has never forgotten this gesture nor do I think he ever will. The bottom line is he is one of my biggest cheerleaders and if I ever need anything at all, all I have to do is pick up the phone.

Now, you might think to yourself that this was a calculated move; however, authenticity is key in these situations. Our family truly does strive to live an organic, process-free life and we are constantly looking for alternative health regimens. What I sent to my mentor was literally a piece of my own life – it's how I care for my family.

The point is that regardless of what anyone might think – my gesture was genuine and he knows it. That is all that matters.

So, I realize that staying in touch and seeking to help could almost be one topic; however, it is important to understand that by staying in touch you get more chances to find genuine ways to help others. This is the quest of all killer networkers.

7. Ask for help

Of course, there is really no use having a vast network if you can't lean on them to help you achieve your own dreams and goals. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this.

It is only wrong when you use others to achieve your ends. In other words, if you only reach out to people for what they can do for you – that's called using. On the other hand, if you truly reach out to others to help them, there is no shame in asking for help when you need it.

As a matter of fact, all killer networkers understand one very crucial thing about networking – you can't do it alone. Independence only yields good results; however, the greatest results are achieved through collaboration – synergy.

There is nothing wrong with asking for help when you truly need it. Other people feel empowered and more confident when you seek out their help. You can do a lot for others in helping them achieve significant strides in their own personal growth by simply reaching out to them for help.

While you should never look outwardly for validation – it is always nice to be recognized for your true gifts and talents. When you ask others for help, it is another way of affirming their unique gifts. It is a great way to say that I appreciate you and I need your help to achieve my goals.

So, don't forget to ask for help when you truly need it – no one will be mad at you for that as long as you remain genuine.

Master these 7 steps and you will undoubtedly catapult your networking skills to heights unimagined. Killer Networkers know and practice these 7 religiously and the results they achieve are the proof in the pudding.

 

  

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My Personal Spiritual Journey

I was inspired to write this article for 3 reasons.

First, because I have been consciously evolving in a spiritual way for most of my life and this article is in part an evolution of my spirituality and also a way of helping me develop a deeper understanding of my journey.

Second, because experience has taught me that spiritual growth often times can be a confusing and even arduous endeavor; gaining clarity is supremely important.

Third, my sincere hope is that my journey thus far helps you overcome any challenges you might be facing in your own spiritual pursuits. Although this entire article is about my spiritual journey, my goal as always when I write an article is that it creates value for you in some way.

This is a very personal topic and it is with sincere love and respect that I put fingers to keyboard to bring it to life. My hope is that you find value in the evolution of the message.

In the beginning…

I was raised to be a Christian. My parents have a deep and abiding belief in God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. In growing up, my parents obviously passed on the best of themselves to me and my siblings. Part of this was of course how they chose to pursue their spirituality – to achieve connection to the divine creator.

In this vein, I was taught to believe in God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. I went to church, read the King James Bible and prayed every day (Well almost every day… ). During my childhood up to my teens, You could say that by all accounts I was a Christian.

By the time I reached my mid teens though, I noticed that I started to struggle with my Christian beliefs. I became unsure of what I was truly supposed to believe and what it truly meant to me. At the time, it didn't seem like such a big deal – I mean I had girls to think about – oh yeah – and school too.

What was certain was that I was very unsure of where my spirituality was going – I wasn't even sure at the time whether or not I thought it was truly important. Still, I was still Christian, still attending church and still reading the bible and praying because I thought it was the right thing to do. For the first time in my spiritual journey, I was truly searching for my own answers.

What happened next…

Over the next few years through my experiences, I began to feel very differently. I started to look at religion and spirituality in a new way. I no longer saw the point of any religion – in fact, I thought that they were all powerful devices designed to control others through fear and wonder.

With this new found enlightenment, I became rebellious against organized religion and began to pursue the Atheist beliefs. Essentially, in my late teens up to my mid twenties, I truly believed that there was no God and certainly no such thing as heaven or hell. I believed that my thoughts were my own – derived through my own internal motivation and inspiration. I did not believe in any life after physical death.

Furthermore, I was sure that the body, mind, heart and spirit although connected were in fact just different pieces in the same puzzle. I thought that what affected one did not necessarily affect the other.

Some of these feelings and new found beliefs were brought on by some of the greed and controlling attitudes that I witnessed in the religious world. I saw a lot of disingenuous acts by so-called Christians that truly turned me off.

This evolution had taken me to what I now refer to as the dark side of my being where I believed in nothing. The only thing that mattered was the present and what I did to affect it. During this chapter of my life, it was all about me.

A new chapter…

Still, my spirit was not settled – I was still at war within over where I truly belonged in the spiritual sense. With all the things that we go through in life – this issue did not seem so important at the time and yet it was a big draw on my energy.

I spent a great deal of time trying to find some sense of direction – a sign of some kind that said hey – this is the way to true enlightenment. Although I did not make it a point of focus to search for such an outlet or vessel, my mind remained open to any possibility.

By this time in my life, I had also begun another journey – the pursuit of personal excellence. In so doing, I also began to share my experiences with others in an effort to help them improve their own personal growth. This new way of learning, growing and sharing seemed to come very natural to me. I began to feel truly alive in ways I hadn't experienced before.

It was through this vessel that I came upon my next spiritual evolution. I was introduced to the Palo way of life. Palo, which comes out of the African Congo, is a way of life that says that we are all connected. This way of life advocates calling upon one's ancestral spirits to provide inspiration, guidance and enlightenment. In so doing, we channel this energy to improve our lives and the lives of those you touch through what you do.

Being a part of Palo seemed to sit much better with my spiritual being. I was more in-tuned with myself – with who I am and much more aware of others and my surroundings. I began to respect all life and embrace differences. Through meditation, I was able to go into that part of myself that I admit had eluded me my whole life up until that point. The clarity in my choices that I experienced during this spiritual evolution was amazing.

The personal growth I experienced as a Palero was incredible; I can hardly describe the tremendous energy I felt every day at this point in my life.

What truly appealed to me was the concept that the body, mind, heart and spirit are one; that when these four quadrants are in alignment, true greatness occurs. As I continued to grow personally and help others to do the same, I truly began to feel the power of the universal force that binds us all working through me.

It was also during this part of my spiritual journey that I began to truly believe that I am a part of everything and that everything is a part of me. I began to understand that the universal force – the divine – was working through all of us as one even though we functioned separately. I realized that the only thing that can block our true greatness is in fact us.

As tremendous an impact that Palo has had on my personal growth and spiritual development, it too started to tug at me. As I continued to evolve personally and spiritually, there were some things about the Palo way of life that began to fall out of alignment with my core values – my inner compass. As I became more connected with who I truly am as well as more connected with others, the Palo doctrines no longer seemed to be the perfect fit. It became more like trying to stick a round peg into a square hole.

This was initially very confusing for me; however, through the great examples of my mentors and seeking true understanding, I was able to come to terms with what was happening to me.

Coming of age…

After I separated myself from the Palo way of life, a new evolution began in my spiritual growth. I read as much as I could and learned as much as I could in an effort to become even more keenly self-aware.

It had taken some time – up to my early thirties, but I finally realized what I had been searching for all along. You see, up until this point, I was always looking outward for the answers to my spiritual growth instead of looking where I needed to look in the first place – inward.

In looking within, I discovered some key things which changed my entire perspective on spirituality and gave me true direction and purpose.

My true purpose in life is to help others recognize and appreciate their true gifts and talents so that they can achieve their dreams and goals. I wrote my mission statement specifically to embody this vision.

What I discovered was that we are all here to serve each other in one way or another. Our true purpose is to create and distribute value to others through what we do. It doesn't matter so much what you do – only that you derive true fulfillment from it and that others benefit from your work.

With this in mind, and looking inward, I discovered that my core values, my true beliefs and my spiritual direction were in fact the same. In other words, I know that I am here on this physical plane to be of service; I also know that my true passion in life is the pursuit of excellence in myself and helping others find the same in themselves. I further believe that by aligning my body, mind, heart and spirit whereby my spirit is the guiding force behind my choices, I will achieve the greatest results in myself and others.

In this belief, each and every day that I am alive, I strive to be more aligned; to be more than I was yesterday and be more of a benefit in the lives of others. I endeavor to give without expectation and continue to learn new things each day.

The most incredible discovery of all at this point was that we are all in a state of constant evolution whether we are aware of it or not. To the degree that you are aware of this principle of evolution, your success in directing your power will mirror that degree.

With my own inner compass – my core values – as the guiding force in my life, I continue to feed the four quadrants of my being in the most positive ways. It's not always easy; however, it is simple once I commit to the follow through. As I continue to do this, I continue to grow in unimaginable ways that allow me to be more effective in achieving my goals and helping others to achieve theirs.

This does not mean that there is nothing else to learn from others. In fact, it is exactly the opposite. There is an unlimited amount of knowledge to gain from everyone and everything once you remain open to receiving the value in all things. This is the greatest gift of the universe; finding the value in all things. First you must believe that there is for only then will you be able to see it.

At this point in my spiritual journey, I was deeply humbled and fulfilled; not just because of where I was but even more so about where I was going. You see, my hope for the future became brighter and I truly began to believe in limitless possibilities.

I still cannot find words to explain why; however, this has been the most incredible feeling that I have ever experienced. Believing through and through, understanding and knowing in your heart of hearts that all things are possible is what fuels the never-ending circle of excellence.

No more labels…

It was through this self-discovery that I also realized what had been truly tugging at me each time I made a spiritual transition. It was the fact that each was labeled in some fashion. Each doctrine required that you give up certain things; do things a certain way or else. These infrastructures to me seemed more controlling and limiting than anything else – thus I was unable to accept them fully.

That being said, I have found something else that is truly fascinating.

Although I have not done in-depth studies on these, I have found it to be true of all major religious orders, ways of life and faiths. They are all built on these three principles:

First, that there is an existing power – energy – a universal force that is beyond our comprehension that connects us all. Whether we refer to this force as the Creator, God, Allah, Buddha, Yahweh or Tata Sambe doesn't really matter.

Second, that through our pursuit to become more connected to this source and lead others to it is where true happiness lies. The more connected we are the more success we see in all areas of our lives and the lives of others which effectively leads to greater happiness.

Third, that the more we live true to this awareness and do our very best through our choices and actions to bring others true happiness, the closer we get to this source – or as Christians say – the closer we get to God.

I truly believe in these three principles and I further believe that it doesn't matter how you pursue them so long as you do so for righteous reasons. Because of this, labels simply do not work for me in my spiritual pursuits. I believe that I have as much to learn from Christians as I do Buddhists. No one has a monopoly on the truth or in how we pursue our connection to the universal force that binds us all.

This belief of course is mine and it is personal; it has nothing to do with having you believe the same.

The truth is that whether you consider yourself a Christian, a Buddhist, a Jew, a Gentile, a Hindu, an Agnostic or you just consider yourself spiritual, no religious title will ever be as important as how you live your life.

As one unknown author puts it…

"There are limits to the time you have to live; however, there are no limits to how you live your time."

Regardless of what faith you choose to follow, the more important factor is that you endeavor to create and distribute value to others. Your choices and your actions must be grounded in correct principle – the natural laws of the universe in order for you to ascend spiritually.

So what do I know…

Everything and Nothing!

I know everything about what I believe to be true today and nothing about the evolution of tomorrow because I have not yet gone through it. This is to simply say that I know that I am in a state of constant evolution and that change is inevitable. This is the reason that it is so important to live from a principle center.

You see, it doesn't matter how much you know or how much things change, principles do not. They operate in the same manner – unbiased and unchanging no matter what. What I am saying is that there is no substitute for doing the right things.

As it relates to my (your) spiritual growth, so long as you truly believe in your heart of hearts that your actions are the right thing to do, you feed your spiritual growth in the most positive ways. Certainly when you do something that is not righteous, the consequences will be the same whether you are aware of it or not. The difference is that if you truly were unaware that your actions were negative and you live from a principle center, changing your direction will be an easy decision.

All of this in summary just means that spiritual growth takes place in many ways and comes in many forms. What I have learned is that you have to do what makes the most sense for you.

In other words, if being a Buddhist helps you put your best self forward in improving your life and the lives of others, by all means go with that. As long as your inner compass stays pointed on true north, you're good.

There truly is no wrong or right in any religion – only in the way we interpret their principles and live our lives. This means that it is not the label that grows your spirituality; it is what you give and what you do.

It is only when you are open to receive the wisdom and energy of that divine connection that connects us all – only then can you truly experience the power of the universal energy working through you.

And the saga continues…

My spiritual journey continues and will infinitely be in a state of constant evolution. The more I grow personally and the more aware I become, the more aligned I will be. Furthermore, I believe that we are all meant for greatness; we have only to truly believe it to manifest it.

Spiritually, I have never been clearer about how to pursue my spiritual growth. What works for me is a life without labels; I love to learn from everyone and everything. It is extremely important to me that I remain free of devices that alter my choices simply based on an organized doctrine. My choices are made from a center of principle – well most of the time anyway – after all I am no angel.

All I am simply saying is that when I am putting my best self forward, my aim is always to do the right thing. I allow my spirit – my conscience to guide my choices and actions. I operate in service to others and I truly seek to find the best in all situations.

Whether you believe it or not, I am connected to you and you are connected to me; we are all connected to each other. To me that means that the more I elevate my consciousness and help others to elevate theirs in my own way, the more connected we become and the closer we are to that universal force that binds us all.

In a nutshell, while my spiritual journey will continuously evolve, the principles by which I pursue my spirituality and my life will remain the same.

FAQ…

Ok, so I can imagine if you've read this far, you probably have a few bubbling questions. At least, I know I would after reading this.

Well, you can always drop me a note if you want to know more.

In the meantime, I've anticipated that the following questions may be some of the more burning ones that are begging for answers. I will attempt to answer them right here right now.

Q: Do you believe in God and the Devil?

A: Yes; however, perhaps not in the same way most might. I believe that the universal force (God) that binds us all lives in all of us and to the degree that we believe and are aware of this, the more connected we become.

It stands to reason then that I believe that there is a universal force that can separate us (Devil); therefore, the less we believe and the less aware we are, the more disconnected we become.

To me, God and the Devil is how we collectively choose to channel the universal force that binds us all. I do not believe that God and the Devil are one and separate beings from one another but rather two sides of the same force that is connected to everyone and everything.

Q: Do you believe in Heaven and Hell?

A: Again, yes; however, probably not in the traditional sense. Heaven and Hell I believe are created by the choices we make right here and right now. I do not believe that these are separate places where we go when we die but rather the realities that we create while we live.

Heaven then would be represented by true happiness and hell by utter despair and sadness. I believe that if you choose to pursue excellence and endeavor to create and distribute value to others in a way that truly fulfills and enriches your life and the lives of others that you will effectively create your heaven.

In that vein, I believe that the opposite is true for creating your own hell. If you only pursue the worst in yourself, create and distribute no value for others and continue to live an empty unfulfilling life, you will effectively create your hell.

Essentially, I do not believe that heaven and hell are physical places but rather states of being.

Q: What do you believe happens when we die?

A: I DON'T KNOW! Truthfully, I could never even formulate an answer for this because until it happens or someone who has died tells you, I don't think you can know.

But, the question is what do I believe happens… right? Well, I believe that we simply go back to being a part of that universal force that binds us all – just in a different form. This is because I also believe that this physical life is only one state of being and that everything is first spiritual before it is physical.

I truly hope that this article has helped you in some way in your own spiritual journey. If you have any more questions, please feel free to contact me.

Happy evolving!

 

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The Seed of Hope

My friend Sam writes a pretty impressive blog called The Seed of Hope. I absolutely love the work that he does with this blog; it is truly inspiring. It is not really a surprise that the name of Sam's blog is now one of my article titles because my friend's blog truly drives home the whole point of planting seeds of hope.

The goal of this article is to help raise your awareness to the fact that we are all constantly planting seeds of hope or despair. It is important that you grasp this concept so that you can in turn make healthier choices about the things you say and do.

Once you are able to understand how much what you say and do affect others, you will instantly see why it is so important to make sure you are planting seeds of hope rather than those of despair.

Have you ever heard the story of Kyle? Please take a moment to read his story…

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle.

It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd." I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.

As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him, so I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks." They really should get lives. "He looked at me and said "Hey, thanks."

There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.
I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.

I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him. Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!" He just laughed and handed me half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends.

When we were seniors we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on a football scholarship.

Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak. Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous!

Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!" He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. "Thanks," he said. As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began "Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends... I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them.

I am going to tell you a story." I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.

He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable." I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile.

Not until that moment did I realize its depth.

Never underestimate the power of your words and actions. If not for this one kind gesture – someone having the courage to plant the seed of hope, Kyle would be just another statistic. The idea of the seed of hope is pretty simple…

…say or do something to help another person believe in possibilities that they otherwise would not have. It is the act of letting someone else know that he/she can when all he/she can think of is CAN'T.

The fact is that you just never know how your words and actions will affect others. This is the reason why it is so important to be responsible for what we say and do because you can truly add value to people's lives when you focus on the positives.

As one of my friends once put it…

"You can remove the nails from the fence but the holes are still there."

Essentially, what it means is that you can't take back your words and actions once you've said or done them. Certainly, we all make mistakes and for those times when we hurt others unintentionally – we can apologize and take steps to make amends.

The important thing to understand is that we are all capable of planting seeds of hope or despair so we ought to be more conscientious about the things we say and do to others.

Planting seeds of hope can happen just by chance as in the story above – just by being a nice person; however, there are definitely habits you can develop to ensure that you consistently plant seeds of hope.

Following are 3 habits that will most certainly help you become a more consistent hope seed planter.

Affirm others

One of the most effective ways to plant seeds of hope is to consistently affirm others. This builds confidence and inspires others to greatness they never thought they possessed.

The power of affirming others is so tremendous because it tells those whom you affirm that you recognize their gifts – that you do in fact see them and appreciate them. In a moment of doubt and negativity, a simple affirmation of another could literally turn suicidal thoughts into thoughts of life. You just never know.

It could be as simple as looking someone in the eyes and saying "I believe in you. You can do this."

One of my mentors consistently affirms me by simply giving me a gem when it's time for me to present or speak in front of an audience. He'd always say "Dean, all you have to do is rub this gem and they can't touch you. You got this – you know your stuff."

I am not sure he knows; however, those moments really do help a lot – they plant a seed of hope every single time.

Don't forget to tell others how much you appreciate what they do – it will always go a long way.

Understand others

Can you remember that last time you felt truly understood by another human being? How did it make you feel? It's an incredible feeling isn't it?

Sometimes, all it takes to plant the seed of hope is to show others that you truly understand them – empathize with their plight.

The important thing here is to make sure that you are genuine – that you truly want to understand what the other person is going through. Seeking to understand has to be real – you have to mean it – you have to truly want to understand. This is the only way that the other person will feel the connection you are trying to make. Unless that connection is made, you won't be able to plant the seed of hope.

Understanding is a major human need – we all seek to be understood – and when we are, kit makes us feel great. There is nothing better than an understanding soul to tame frustrated beast.

It's simple – when you feel frustrated because you believe that no one understands you – the seed of hope is planted the moment you come across someone that does truly understand you. You instant begin to believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel because someone else can truly relate to what you are experiencing.

Understanding always plants the seed of hope.

Share & Teach

Another one of my mentors always said that the best way to continue learning is to share and teach what you know to others. I have found that this is definitely true. Furthermore, I have also found that it's a powerful way to plant seeds of hope.

It is through our experiences and knowledge that we can impart some of who we are on others and touch their lives. Different people may find different elements of value in your knowledge and experience; however, unless you share it – unless you teach others, those seeds of hope remain dormant.

It's not about you showing off because you know something that others may not; it is about truly sharing yourself so that others might benefit from your knowledge and experience. Knowledge is useless unless it is shared. In fact it is our duty as a human being to share our knowledge and experience in an effort to make others better – to make the world better.

You don't have to try to save the world; however, we can all make the genuine effort to help those we connect with be better than they were when you met them. The whole point is that you plant seeds of hope consistently when you strive to use knowledge and experiences to leave the world a better place than it was while you were a part of it.

Consistently developing these 3 habits will ensure that you are always planting seeds of hope rather than those of despair.

If you need more inspiration, pop over to my friend, Sam's blog for an instant lift. Tell him I sent you.

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Why You Shouldn’t Read My Blog

The title of this post may shock you; after all, the point of having a blog is that others will read the content. In fact, I expect it! With that said, it begs the question: Why would I write an article titled "Why You Shouldn't Read My Blog?"

One of my mentors once encouraged me to not only read books that interest me or that are in line with my principles and values but also to read those that are not. He said read often, read everything so that you might develop a more well-rounded view of the world and even if you derive no other value but that it strengthens your convictions in your own beliefs, it would still be totally worth it. You know what – he's right. I have found this lesson to be tremendously beneficial in my life.

Since I began publishing this blog, I have received many comments, questions, concerns, applause, praise, ridicule, indifference, love, support, challenges, rebuttals, alliance and so forth. What has been most interesting are the individuals that either peg me as a bull shit artist with the gift of gab or a guru with a magic pill to fix all problems.

The truth is that I am neither of the two and if you wish to continue to believe that I am either one, you shouldn't read my blog.

A journey not a pit stop

My blog, which is my gift to you, is a journey and not a pit stop. Many of us only desire the end result of hard work; however, we have little interest in the hard work part. Many of us have no desire to pay the price for greatness and yet still we claim to desire it.

Pit stops are for race cars and road trip bathroom breaks – not personal growth.

You have probably seen dozens – hundreds maybe – of websites all warning you to beware of "quick fixes" and all the while they are only buttering you up to sell you their version of a "quicker fix."

The truth is that there is no such thing – you won't find it here or anywhere else no matter what you've heard. Use your brains – I think you have one – and think for a moment…

If "quick fixes" really worked would anyone really have to sell it to you? Furthermore, you already know that if they did in fact produce desirable results – many people wouldn't even want to share the secrets.

If you are looking for a "quick fix" for your personal growth and development, you definitely shouldn't read my blog.

I am whatever you say I am…

When you read the content on this website; you are reading words that flow directly from my experiences. I put in my body, mind, heart and spirit into every post. Sometimes, they may not hit the spot for you and other times, they may be just what you need.

The truth is that my goal in writing and expanding upon this website is not only to grow personally but to ensure that what I am putting out is of value to others. While all of this is my passion, the work and the effort are all about you.

I am whatever you say I am – this means that the value that I represent to you is not how I perceive it to be but rather what you perceive it to be. I cannot take the audacious position of presuming exactly how I am a value to you – this is a very personal thing – something you must decipher on your own.

The way that you receive and interpret my work may be totally different from the way someone else does and that is ok – in fact – it's expected.

The most important thing is this; while you continue to visit and read the content here, you have a right to expect a value for your time. Whether the value helps you improve in your personal growth, build your character, jazz up your personality or simply strengthen your convictions, you should definitely expect to receive a value for your time.

If you are not deriving some kind of value to your life by spending time here, you shouldn't read my blog.

Compensation

I do believe that when you create and distribute value to others, you should expect to receive a fair compensation for the value that you provide. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Compensation can come in many forms – it is your choice what forms you choose to accept for the value that you create. In any event, there is no reason that you shouldn't get paid for the work you do.

Of course, getting compensated for the value you provide should not be confused with the reason you do what you do. In other words, if you do what you do only to receive compensation, then the value that you create and distribute will only be to you. If anything but your conscience (your spirit) is the guiding force what you decide to do with your life, your value to others will be greatly diminished.

As for this blog, my gift to you, the reason for its existence is untainted by the pursuit for the almighty dollar – compensation. The work I do here and in other places and my circle expand comes from within – it is my true passion and purpose in life and I do it because it brings me joy and fulfillment beyond my wildest dreams.

With that said, I am by no means naïve. We live, after all, in a material world and in this world, the way you sustain your lifestyle so that you can continue to create and distribute value to others is by earning a paycheck of some sort. Whether you work for someone else or you are an entrepreneur, the fact is you have to get paid or suffer the consequences.

While the reasons behind my choices do not include money in any way, I do expect to be paid a fair price for the value I provide. I like being able to care for my family and live a lifestyle that makes me feel good about what I have accomplished. I don't need materials to feed my ego; however, I do need to live somewhere, clothe myself and eat healthily.

If you don't think I deserve compensation for the value I provide – that's ok – you're entitled to your opinion. Nonetheless, I do expect fair compensation for the work I do – not because that's the reason I do it but because it is correct principle and it's how we sustain ourselves in the physical world.

If you don't believe that people deserve fair compensation for the value that they provide, guess what – you shouldn't read my blog.

Finally…

You shouldn't read my blog if you have no desire whatsoever to be better than you are today; to be of service to others; if you only wish to continue your meaningless pursuit of a mediocre life where you simply bounce from point to point with no real purpose or desire to seek it; with no openness to embrace change, respect differences, show love and receive love; if you choose not to be a human being, respect the universe and value principles; if you choose not to live a life in gratitude, appreciation, and generosity; if you have no hope for the future, if you believe in nothing and fall for everything; if you are a pessimistic cynic who thinks only of the worst in others while ignoring the best; if you only think of yourself first, foremost and always which is the mindset of a complete moron – YOU SHOULDN'T READ MY BLOG!

Now send me an e-mail right now if you made it all the way to the end of this article. Will I see you again here?

 

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How to Develop and Cultivate High Performance Teams

Have you ever watched a High Performance Team at work? Perhaps you have a favorite sports team that you consider high performing. Think about the New York Yankees or the 1991 Chicago Bulls – how awesome is it to watch these teams execute their game plan?

The truth is that truly successful individuals understand the importance of being a part of high performance teams. They understand that even though the ability to achieve effective results independently is important, the pinnacle of excellence lies in interdependence. True success comes from collaborating and working effectively with others.

High Performance Teams are like well-oiled machines where each part knows and plays its role while supporting the other parts in fulfilling their roles. This is not about simply being busy completing your assigned tasks; it is about the whole team performing well and understanding that each member of the team is accountable to all the others.

High Performance Teams are like a well choreographed dance routine; they work in harmonious fervor and execute with confidence and conviction. In a word High Performance Teams synergize.

So, how is done? How do you make sure you are on a high performance team? How does your current team measure up?

First, it is important to understand that most people are not nor have they ever been on a high performance team. The reason it is important to point this out is because it is vital that you raise your awareness to the reality – what actually happens.

Let me put it this way…

How many of you believe that the people in your organization have more talent, more passion, more creativity, and more tenacity that their current jobs require or even allow?

I can ask that question to almost any audience and in every case, the overwhelming majority will raise their hands in agreement. Most people really do feel this way about the organizations that they work for or the teams that they are a part of. With this information alone, it is safe to say that most people are not part of high performance teams.

You see, high performance teams utilize their team members in a way that the vast majority does not – they are tapped into the whole person. Where others may simply utilize a person’s mind and body, high performance teams tap into all 4 quadrants of a person – body, mind, heart and spirit.

They utilize what Dr. Stephen Covey calls – The Whole Person approach.

In order to develop and cultivate high performance teams, truly successful individuals work to ensure that the following 4 elements are engrained in each member of the team.

1.   Needs and/or Services

This represents how you satisfy the body of a team. It answers one of two questions with succinct clarity.

What physical needs of others does the team meet? What valuable services does the team provide that meet the needs of others?

High Performance Teams understand the importance of creating and distributing value to others, therefore they must serve a need. Since we live in a physical world, there are real physical needs that need to be met. There are many services that must be provided in order to meet a great many needs in the world.

High Performance Teams exercise discipline in meeting the needs or providing the services they have committed to. Each member of the team understands the goal, knows his/her role and holds each team member accountable to fulfilling his/hers. They execute the objective with focus and diligence.

The most important factor in fulfilling the needs or providing the services committed to is the global buy-in of the team. Every person on the team must buy into the goal otherwise; you cannot be a part of the team. If you have some that buy-in and others who do not, it will create chaos, dissention and half-assed results.

2. Vision and Mission

Vision and mission represent the mind of a team. What is the “big picture” goal of the team? It is vital that every team member understands and embodies the vision of the team. Once they understand the vision, the mission is born from it.

The most important thing to do where vision and mission are concerned is to make sure that each team member is involved in their creation. For huge organizations/teams where a vision already exists, it is important to make sure that each new team member is on board with the vision. This should be a direct question with the expectation of an honest answer. Of course whether they answer honestly or not will be easily tested down the road as their true mind will show up in their attitude, work ethic and the results they achieve.

As far as mission, it is imperative that every team member has a hand in it because the mission must also represent them. On very large teams, it is a good idea to conduct surveys and solicit feedback in creating the mission. The fact is that people are much more inclined to support and commit to what they help create.

Think about it…

How do you feel when you know that you are truly a part of something – that your input is highly valued?

The point is that every member of a high performance team understands and embodies the team vision and is completely committed to the team mission. This is largely because the vision reflects their own core values and the mission represents them.

Most of the time people will slowly sabotage the team mission when they don’t believe that it represents them or that they are truly a part of it. Whether it’s by malicious compliance or lackadaisical work ethic or plain insubordination, eventually, the mission will fall short.

High Performance Team members understand and embody the team vision and they support and commit to the team mission. The only thing left to do is to execute with focus.

3. Passion

What is the heart of the team? What drives them – what is it that fuels its passion?

Just as it is important to know and follow your personal passion, it is equally important for a team to do the same. Developing and cultivating high performance teams requires that each team member share the team’s true passion.

This means that whatever needs and services the team meets and whatever, the vision and mission, every team member must be passionate about it. It requires that your personal passion be aligned with the team passion. It goes directly to purpose – the reason for being.

Why bother to be a part of team if you don’t have a passion – a true drive for its vision and mission? In a nutshell, you’ve got to care.

If there is no fire within the heart of a team, performance will be lackluster. High Performance Teams have drive – fire – they take it to the max everyday because they are infused with passion for what they do. Engrained in the DNA of high performance teams is the reason for being – it is the life blood of the team.

4. Spirit

The spirit of a team represents its conscience. It speaks to the meaning of what the team does.

In other words; is the work that the does meaningful to you? Does it bring you fulfillment? Does it add value to you and others? Is there integrity in what the team does?

If there are any negative answers around any of these questions, the team spirit will be corroded and the vision muddled. The spirit of a team in my experience is the most important of the 4 elements. In fact, when needs and services, vision and mission and passion are led by spirit, the results you achieve are significantly greater and more impactful than you could otherwise achieve.

High Performance Teams are transparent and trustworthy. They do what they say they are going to do and they remain accountable for their actions. The team members are loyal to one another because they share a common bond. They do not cheat themselves or others and they genuinely feel good about what they do. When they look in the mirror every day, they see promise and another authentic opportunity to create and distribute value to others.

If you’ve ever been a part of a high performance team, you know that you can instantly feel the spirit of the team the moment you are around them. It is apparent and alive in a way that electrifies the air.

High Performance Teams know that the development and cultivation of the spirit starts at home. The way they treat each other creates a ripple effect in how they treat others and inspire others to treat others.

Dr. Stephen Covey puts it this way when it comes to the importance of spirit…

When spirit – conscience – governs body, mind and heart, you get a Gandhi; when ego governs body, mind and heart, you get a Hitler.

The bottom line is that no matter how great the need, clear the vision and fervent the passion – if your conscience says that it isn’t the right thing to do – follow your conscience. In my experience, when spirit leads, the results you achieve are far greater than any you could have imagined.

It is only when the spirit leads that true greatness can be achieved.

When these 4 elements come together in harmony, the nexus of focus and execution is formed. This is how high performance teams consistently achieve the results they desire.

So, what kind of team or you on?

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How to Discover Your True Purpose

“It is not enough to simply be alive if your life is not worth living.”

There are many that would say that every life is worth living no matter what. I might agree only because you can learn something from everyone, even those who live for nothing. On the other hand, I do consider it a huge waste to simply be alive and yet have no purpose – no drive to contribute to the world in which you live.

In fact, I will go so far as to say that a life without purpose is no life at all – at least not one that is worth living. I think it is better to die than to live without purpose.

I hope it doesn’t shock you that I feel so strongly about this topic or that I would draw such a hard line. The truth is that I firmly believe that we – you have a purpose in life that serves your fellow man in ways you have not even imagined. We all have that potential within us and I personally want to awaken and tap into as much of it as possible.

You are unique in so many ways and have so much to offer the world; the sad thing is that most of us never seek to tap into it let alone even believe that it is there within us. There isn’t a shred of doubt in my mind that you have a purpose that only you can fulfill – you have only to believe it, seek it and pursue it fervently.

What is the point of your existence if not to serve those around you – to contribute to the world in which you live? What will have been the point of your life if you do not leave the world a better place than it was when you were born into it?

Think of your eulogy – I know – not pleasant to think about the end of your life but bear with me. At your funeral, what would you want others to say about you – about your life? Did you live a life of service? Were you always good to those you meet? Did you give back and show gratitude for your knowledge and success?

What would your family and friends say about you upon your departure from this plain? These can be hard questions to ponder; however, I suggest that it is vital that you do when you think about your true purpose.

Have you ever felt like you were stuck? Like you weren’t really sure where you’re going? Perhaps you even felt like you don’t even know why you do what you do or why you are where you are? Does what you do truly matter? Are you making a difference?

Without a true purpose, it is common for you to go through bouts of depression, chaos and ignorance. Your level of awareness ebbs and flows with change because you are not certain of where you fit into the grand scheme of the universe. You may even begin to justify and rationalize these feelings of emptiness and despair in an effort to stabilize your disposition.

These are things that a purposeless individual goes through one way or another; there may be other symptoms of this empty feeling but I think you get the gist.

Think for a moment about your own life…

Are you living a purpose-driven life? Have you found your true purpose and are you pursuing it with passion?

If you’ve already found your true purpose and are living it – CONGRATULATIONS! If you haven’t and you want to, the goal of this article is to provide a guideline that will help you do that.

Finding your purpose isn’t a hard thing – it’s finding the discipline to go through the steps and then courageously pursuing it zealously.

In order to discover your true purpose, you must tap into the whole person – the 4 quadrants of life. You must aim to satisfy the body, mind, heart and spirit. True purpose lies within the nexus of these 4. Most people end up only looking at body and mind – that’s just half of a person; they never consider the heart and spirit in the equation.

More often than not, stimulation of the heart and spirit are separated from the body and mind. True purpose requires that they all connect and meet at the nucleus. Certainly you might develop each quadrant in different places and through different resources; however, where your true purpose is concerned, the choreography among them must be perfectly harmonious.

If this sounds impossible to achieve, let me assure you that truly successful individuals have achieved this; it happens every day. Yes, the truth is it doesn’t happen often enough in my opinion – way too many of us don’t even bother to seek our true purpose. Even more sadly, many of us don’t even believe we each have a purpose.

Whether or not you believe you have a purpose does not negate the fact that you do. We are all born with gifts and talents that only we can utilize to create and distribute value to others – we have only to choose it.

Think of it this way…

If you believe in principles then you understand what is called the ripple effect. The ripple effect basically says that you have no idea just how far one act can go in affecting the lives of others and bringing about change. It is the continuation of one act begetting another and another with infinite possibilities and no end. It is in essence the never-ending mode of paying it forward.

With that in mind, as principles go, it works both ways. When you pursue your true purpose which allows you to create and distribute value in the lives of others – the ripple effect of what those you affect do for others is beyond the scope of your very mind. You only know that you started the ripple and that it is infinite. Sounds good BUT remember that the same holds true if you do not pursue your true purpose; the ripple effect still applies except that the value you would have created and distributed to others will be missing. Not only will that be missing but any profound and positive change that your value would have triggered in others will also go unfulfilled.

This is not to say that you’re responsible for ruining lives – we all make our own choices. It is just to say that when you choose not to pursue your purpose, it affects more than just you – it affects others.

Discovering your true purpose

To discover your true purpose, consider the body, mind heart and spirit and what truly fulfills them. Find out what makes each segment tick and then endeavor to utilize your true gifts and talents to add value.

Here’s a guideline of how you might go about doing this.

Body

Body refers not just to your body but to the body of the world around you. Since we live in a physical world, there are real physical needs that need to be met. Think of those deeply; what are the needs of your body – of the people around you – of the world?

It doesn’t mean that you have to solve the world’s greatest problems – it just means that you need to give this real thought.

Looking at body, consider the needs of others that you might be able to fulfill. This will help you to start to think in terms of what you are capable of doing to make a difference in the lives of others. As you think of needs that need to be met, also think of your physical capabilities and how they might help you fulfill these needs.

Mind

For the mind, consider carefully what you are good at. What are your natural gifts and talents? When it comes to discovering your true purpose, it is like discovering the real you. Search yourself and be honest about what you find.

Do not be discouraged if you find that you are good at things that seemingly have no value. Your gifts and talents are never valueless; there is always a way to utilize them to create and distribute value. If you can believe that then you can be honest with yourself about your findings.

Make a list of the things you’re really good at. If you wish, ask your family, friends or someone you respect what they think you’re good at. In fact, I often recommend a top 10 list written by a mentor or other respected person to go along with your resume. This is because your name rings a lot more bells a lot louder when someone else other than you sings your praises.

You don’t have to base your final answers on what others say; however, it can be really helpful to know how others see you. Perhaps they see something in you that you do not yet see in yourself.

The goal is to find out what you’re really good at doing and make a list.

Heart

The heart is one of the quadrants that most organizations and even people don’t tap into when it comes to what they do. It is often only utilized as an emotional source for showing love and gratitude to and for your loved ones.

The heart is so much more than that. What about passion?

In order to figure out your true purpose, you have to figure out what you are truly passionate about? What is it that makes you jump out of bed in the morning with uncontrollable enthusiasm? What gets your adrenaline pumping through your veins and set you on fire?

Passion and purpose are almost synonymous in that they are completely fulfilling. Whatever you do must fulfill you in order for you to do it to the best of your abilities. Look within and think about what you are really passionate about. If your physical needs like money were no object, what would you do with your time? How would you spend your days on this plain making a difference?

If you can figure out what gets your juices going every time – you will be able to figure out what you’re truly passionate about.

Spirit

The spirit is another quadrant that often goes neglected when it comes to what people do. Often times, the allure and greed for money, stature and power override the spirit. This type of thinking always leads to underhanded behavior, disempowerment of others and despair. When the spirit is neglected, there can be no win/win – someone always loses – in fact I think that in the absence of the spirit, everyone loses.

Spirit speaks to conscience. Where your true purpose is concerned, the spirit demands that you ask if what you are doing is righteous and does it make a positive difference in your life and the lives of others.

How does what you do affect you and the people you touch? If the answer to this question is anything but a positive one, I suggest that what you are doing is not your true purpose.

Without the spirit, the other 3 quadrants falter; it is the spirit that governs the other 3. Perhaps I should say should govern the other 3 because many times, people allow ego to govern.

Here’s what I mean as Dr. Stephen R. Covey puts it…

“When spirit governs body, mind and heart, you get a Gandhi; when ego governs body, mind and heart, you get a Hitler.”

The bottom line is that when you consider the spirit, think of how you can utilize your physical abilities to meet a physical need, apply your capabilities while doing something you are truly passionate about and that makes a significant, profound and positive difference in yours and the lives of others.

When you have achieved this you have discovered your true purpose. As I said, it rests at the nexus of the four quadrants with the spirit as the guiding light.

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