Powerful Principles of Personal Growth

How to Develop Self Confidence

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This is a topic that has been talked about and written about extensively and yet, it is still one worthy of more examination. This is because if you do not Develop Self Confidence, you will be hard pressed to succeed in your endeavors.

A major reason, why many do not achieve the results they desire, is due to the lack of self confidence. As much that has been said and written about the subject, I feel compelled to visit it yet again by sharing my own insights and experiences.

The goal then of this article is to help you understand the true meaning of and how to develop self confidence through practical application.

Firstly, it is crucial to understand that self confidence comes from within. Yes, I am sure most of you have heard that before; however, let's break down the reason – though simple – it is vital to embody this in order to achieve effective results.

The mere use of the word "self" in front of confidence speaks volumes; Self implies that it comes from you – it's all about what you think. In other words, no matter what others think, say or do, you will not achieve true self confidence unless you truly believe in who you are.

I know – a bit elementary I suppose – but nonetheless important to point out in my book.

This leads me to the very crux of what it takes to develop true self confidence. The heart of this lies in a simple and universal principle called "SEE-FEEL-DO-GET."

Essentially, the principle says that the way we SEE things, affects how we FEEL which affects what we DO which determines the results that we ultimately GET.

It stands to reason then that the level of your self confidence depends entirely upon the way you SEE yourself which will affect how you FEEL about yourself, which will affect what you DO and determine the results you GET.

To develop self confidence then, it means that you need to change the way you SEE yourself, which will change the way you FEEL about yourself, which will change what you DO and change the results you ultimately GET.

Yes, it really is this simple – however, SIMPLE isn't always EASY.

Since we know that simple doesn't always mean easy, let's look at practical ways you can begin your journey to develop self confidence with the greatest degree of efficacy and success.

You need only do one thing in order to achieve the results you desire when it comes to your self confidence.

Change your perception of you

In order to improve your self confidence, you must change the way you see yourself. The way you feel about who you are is directly related to how you perceive YOU. In other words, when you look in the mirror, do you like what you see looking back?

More often than not you will find that you don't because if you did, chances are you wouldn't have a self confidence issue. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you – in fact, I am certain there isn't. It's more about how you see the person looking at you in the mirror.

If you don't like who you are then you must change who you are to someone you do like. Whatever it is you don't like about you – you have the personal power to change it.

Essentially, in order to change the way you feel about who you are, you must first come to terms and be honest about who you are. This means taking a hard look at you and then choosing to accept, appreciate and approve of who you are.

Furthermore, you must endeavor to change anything that you don't like about you; otherwise it will be difficult to change how you feel. Think of the person you would like to be and the characteristics he/she would possess. Do you embody any of these? Are you willing to do what it takes to develop the characteristics you do not embody but would like to?

These are simple questions that are just not always easy to answer because the truth can hurt sometimes; however, this is what you must do in order to truly develop self confidence at the highest level.

Once you are on the road to accepting, appreciating and approving of who you are, your self confidence will greatly improve. To continue your growth, you must then endeavor to know yourself better, give to yourself and love yourself. Remember that other people's opinion of you is none of your business. What matters is what you think of you. This is the pinnacle of self awareness.

If you can effectively change the way you see yourself, you will undoubtedly be able to change how you feel what you do and the results you ultimately get. In fact, as leaders, our main purpose is to help others see themselves they way they ought to be. It is not about control, it is about positive influence to help others find their voice in the midst of all other voices.

To the degree that we can help others find their own unique voice, their growth and success will mirror that degree.

There will always be those who say they can't do this for one reason or another and to those people I say, you are absolutely right. If you think you can't, then who am I to say otherwise?

The point is that anyone smart enough can choose to see himself/herself differently if he/she truly wants to develop self confidence and achieve better results.

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Fear of Rejection

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"No" is a reflection of the speaker's perception; feeling rejected is a reflection of the receiver's perception.

Many people have a very healthy fear of rejection. In fact, in a majority of cases, it causes afflictions of analysis paralysis that border on incurable. This fear fuels the number one fear of them all which is public humiliation. No one wants to feel rejected and certainly not in public – this is a major issue.

The good news is that analysis paralysis is always curable and your fears can all be dealt with effectively as long as you have the right information, tools and resources.

The goal of this article is to help you understand the fear of rejection and provide you some practical tips to help you deal with it.

First of all your fear is understandable; it is human to avoid rejection at all cost. The main issue with this challenge is that most people do not understand it. It is one of those things that aren't too often explained to your satisfaction. My hope is that through this breakdown, you will have a better understanding of this fear thereby giving you more confidence with which to manage it and ultimately remove it.

The quote above presents a nice summation for understanding this fear. You see when someone tells you "no" or refuses your "offering and/or advances", his/her answer and position have nothing to do with you. No matter what you believe, the fact is that people don't refuse to do things based on others; it is based on something within them.

Certainly, some of his/her consideration rests with you; however, it's not so much about who you are but whom they perceive you to be. It is important to understand, that playing integral roles in a person's responses are conditioning, experience and belief – all of these create his/her perception.

This means that when the answer is no, they aren't rejecting you but rather something within them that is derived from their conditioning, their experiences, their beliefs; their perception.

This is how you should view the person responding in the negative; not having anything to do with you but everything to do with them.

As one of my mentors puts it, "people's opinion of me is none of my business." This is because the only opinion of you that really matters in the long run is the one you have of yourself. If you wish others to see you in a certain way, you must first endeavor to see yourself in that way. Then and only then will you achieve your desire.

Now, once you've understood and accepted it – it will be much easier to understand your feelings as they pertain to rejection. Your fear of rejection then is a direct result of how you perceive yourself. It doesn't matter that you associate this fear with what you believe others might think of you – the fact is that it's all stems from the way you feel about YOU!

What this means is that when someone responds to you in the negative, feeling rejected is a result of your perception of yourself. It is based on your conditioning, your experiences, your beliefs; your perception.

The goal then is to work at truly accepting, appreciating and approving of the authentic you. When you do things; make offerings and/or advances based on your true purpose and what you believe in your core is right, you will be less likely to feel rejected by anyone's negative response. You will be able to simply surmise that your offering is not for this person, be truly thankful for the opportunity to share and graciously move on to someone else whom might need what you have.

To cure your fear of rejection then, you only need be at peace with who you are. It is only when we are not that we feel rejected. Remember that there are different areas of our lives where we experience different levels of confidence; therefore, the level of your fear will differ depending on where you are with your confidence as it relates to the particular area in question at any given time. (Phew – hope that made sense)

The only way to remove your fear of rejection is to remove your rejection of yourself. To do this you only need do 3 things:

1. Accept the authentic you – truly being ok with the person you are while knowing that you always have room to improve.

2. Appreciate your true gifts and talents – know that you are unique and that you have value to add to the world and the people in it. Your offering is different than everyone else's; however, it is still valuable and there are those who need it and only you can provide it.

3. Approve of the person you see in the mirror – no matter what, you have to approve of yourself. If you don't like the person looking back at you in the mirror then take the necessary steps to change you. You will always be able to approve of you once you recognize that you are the master of your fate and that you can be anything and anyone you wish to be.

I have already written extensively on the 3 As so it is a good place to start when you're ready to tackle, manage and ultimately overcome your fear of rejection.

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Discover successful habits that allow you to discover, master and unleash your remarkable untapped human potential through the Powerful Principles of Personal Growth Newsletter.