Powerful Principles of Personal Growth

7 Secrets to Authentic Happiness

I don't know anyone who doesn't want to be happy. I think deep down that is what we all seek. In my experience many people have no clue what Authentic Happiness is let alone what it takes to achieve it.

I have had the great fortune to hang out with and learn from some truly happy people. I have also experienced true happiness. While I don't claim that I am always in a happy mood; I can say with certainty that I am truly happy with my life. Regardless of the challenges that come along – I remain happy.

Have you ever felt like happiness eludes you? Do you sometimes wonder what true happiness is? Perhaps you're just wondering whether or not you are happy or are meant to be happy.

In any case, the purpose of this article is to outline for you what I am calling the 7 Secrets to Authentic Happiness.

Secret#1: Look Within

You may have heard this before and may have even scoffed at the idea; however, this is so simply true. All happiness begins within. If you cannot experience authentic happiness internally, you will never be able to experience it outwardly.

All physical manifestations are a result of our thoughts and belief of those thoughts. Consistently looking outward for happiness is an effort in futility because it's like expecting wake up in the morning and make yourself a cup of coffee without ever having the thought that you're going to make yourself a cup of coffee.

Yes, it's oversimplified but I want you to get the point. All happiness comes from within – it begins with the spiritual and your belief ushers it into fruition.

Secret #2: You're Perfect

That's right – YOU – WE are all perfect! Why?

Because we are all born with the ability to be who we want when we want. There is nothing stopping us. The universe is perfect which means it can only produce perfection. Imperfection only exists because of our lack of awareness of all that is perfect which is everything.

Authentic Happiness requires that you understand, believe and know that you are perfect just the way you are. Since we are able to change our circumstance and conditions at any given time, we are perfect because we can change.

To put it another way, being flawed is perfect. Flaws are just another mechanism of perfection through which we are able to learn new things and grow. Some flaws stick with you longer than others but only because you have not yet thought differently and believed differently about those flaws.

Essentially, we remain the way we are for as long as we continue to believe that it is the way we ought to be. Once we are convicted in the belief that we can, should and will be something different – then and ONLY then will we change.

This is why you are perfect and truly happy people understand, believe and know this.

Secret #3: Everyone Else Is Also Perfect

It might seem obvious; however, I thought it best to overstate it lest we find ego rearing its ugly head. As you are perfect – everyone else is also perfect. Truly happy people not only see themselves as perfect, they see all others exactly the same.

The fact that other people may not realize that they are indeed perfect the way they are is irrelevant to a truly happy person. Truly happy people know that all other people have to do to experience authentic happiness is to see themselves the way that they see them – HAPPY.

Trust me – this one is super hard for me too; There are plenty of people in my circle that I don't think of as happy. I do realize though that until I can see them that way, I will not be truly happy in this aspect.

Whenever I have been able to see in my mind's eye everyone around me; that I come in contact with as happy – truly incredible things happen and it feels amazing.

I'll promise to continue working on this if you will. Deal?

Secret #4: Make a Difference

It's hard to be happy if you don't believe that you make a difference in your life and in the lives of others. No, it's not an ego-centric thing – it's a feel-good thing.

Why else are we here if not to make a difference in people's lives in some way shape or form? Regardless of how we each do it, what would your existence mean if you made no impact.

At the end of your life, what would you want people to say about you? Were you a teacher, a scholar, a mentor, a giver, a doer… what?

It doesn't much matter what your life amounts to as long as you believe and know that you used your true gifts and talents to make you and those around you better. No matter what your profession or business, it's important to make a difference.

Truly happy people don't do anything just to make a living – they do everything to make a difference. Now, let's not be naïve – we all need to make a living because we have physical needs in this physical world that need to be met. The bottom line is that regardless of what we do, making a difference in the lives of others is supremely important for having authentic happiness in your life.

Secret #5: Have a Servant's Heart

Sometimes you'll hear people ask "how can I serve you today" which is great except that most have no idea what it means to truly serve others.

Authentic Happiness requires that you have a servant's heart. In other words, no matter what you do, your goal is to serve others. Some people may think that living a life of service is somehow beneath them; however, truly happy and successful people will tell you differently.

In fact, that is the definition of life for happy and successful people… to live a life of service. To have a servant's heart you must always genuinely seek to create and deliver value for others through your gifts and talents.

Secret #6: Be Grateful

So often we forget to give thanks; show appreciation for what we have. No matter how big or small, it is important to show gratitude for all of our blessings. In fact, truly happy people never ever focus on what they don't have, they focus on giving thanks for what they do have.

In the world of authentic happiness, there is no such thing as "have not."

It's quite simple…

You see if the universe is perfect and you are one with the universe, it means that you are also perfect. If you are perfect then it also means that all things around you are perfect and are such to the degree you believe them to be.

This means that whatever you do not have is simply because you have not yet truly believed that it is already yours. Once you come to that realization and believe it wholeheartedly, your desires will manifest automatically.

Showing gratitude is one sure way to improve your belief about your abundance. The law of gratitude says that the more grateful you are for what you have, the more things you get to be grateful for. How amazing!

Secret #7: All Things Are Possible

Truly happy people believe something that most others don't – that all things are possible. YES, all things – no matter what you think or believe – all things are possible in a perfect universe.

Authentic happiness is about believing in infinite possibilities because different things make different people happy. If you only believe in what is possible for you, it will be hard for you to see others as happy especially if they pursue things that you do not believe are possible.

For instance…

I am not about to stick my head in a lion's mouth just to make you gasp in amazement; however, the guy who truly enjoys that is still happy. Why should I see him as anything else just because he's doing something that I believe is impossible for me. That's called projection.

Just because I see no reason or have no ability to do something doesn't mean it is impossible or meaningless. Possibility lies with your belief. Meaning lies with what we see rather than with what we're looking at.

Well, there you have it… 7 Secrets to Authentic Happiness which of course as you may have realized by now aren't so secret. These are all insights that most of us are familiar with; however, we often forget and need a refresher. I know I often do and I am grateful for reminders.

I truly hope that this helps you to be happier in your everyday life.

 

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21 Powerful Tips to Make Your Everyday Life a Breeze

Even though we don't always know what will come our way on a daily basis; we can choose how we deal with whatever comes. In our everyday life we have the power to choose how we live each and every moment.

Following are 21 powerful tips to make your everyday life a breeze. These are in no particular order and as simple as some of them may seem, they truly work wonders when put into practice.

1. Give Thanks

This is the first and last thing that I practice to do everyday – well most of the time anyway.

Showing gratitude for what you have is a great and uplifting way to start and end your day on a positive note. It puts you in the right mindset so you can be happier throughout the day and have peace of mind when you slumber. The more grateful we are, the more we get to be grateful for.

2. Give You

Give something no one else can – YOU. Just make sure it's the real you, genuine and authentic. We all have a unique greatness to give to the world and the more of that you endeavor to give to the world, the happier you will be.

3. Smile

As my wife so eloquently puts it; S.M.I.L.E. – See More In Life Everyday. Ever notice how when you smile at others, most of the time they smile right back? That's because smiling is contagious and it makes people feel good inside. It releases certain chemicals in the body that just makes you feel so darn good. So just smile and mean it and you'll be happier everyday.

4. Help Someone Else

There's simply nothing more fulfilling than helping someone else to get what he/she wants or needs. Helping others is most powerful when you help without expectation of compensation. That is the true definition of serving others and it always feels incredible.

5. Pay It Forward

Just as helping someone else is fulfilling so is paying it forward. When someone touches your life and you return that gift by touching someone else's, it is truly a beautiful thing. And again, it feels tremendous. Your everyday life will significantly improve if you constantly seek to pay it forward – give back as a way of saying thank you.

6. Laugh at Yourself

Please don't take yourself so seriously. Life is too short so laugh at yourself. When you can laugh at yourself it means that you're not obsessed with perfection and that you realize that you're perfect just the way you are – flawed.

7. Let Stuff Go

This is definitely important for a happier life PERIOD! Many people believe that forgiveness is for the forgiven; however, it really is for the person doing the forgiving. Letting stuff go ensures that you can move on without ill feelings that perpetuate negative emotions. So, just let it go.

We have a rule on my team – doesn't work so well at home right now – BUT – on my team we either address an issue within 24 hours of its occurrence or we agree to let it go without prejudice. One simple rule that works wonders; try it.

8. Keep It Real

Just don't sugar coat things to the point where reality gets watered down. It's ok to be empathetic; however, make sure you still keep it real… say it like it is with kindness and learn to live with the consequences. Believe me; you're better off telling it like it is and living with those consequences than obscuring the real deal and having to deal with the ensuing fall out.

Most importantly, be vigilant about not lying to yourself; especially about who you are. Unless you know and accept who you truly are, you will be hard-pressed to know how to become who you truly want to be.

9. Love More

Way too much hate in the world that sucks up way too much energy that could be used for more positive endeavors. Your everyday life instantly improves in amazing ways when you project nothing but love. Wish the best for all and truly mean it and you'll see far better results that participating in the opposite.

Ever notice how the more down you are the universe works harder to keep you down? And conversely the more up you are, the universe works harder to keep you up? This is the natural law of love so just love more.

10. Judge Less

No assumptions, no preconceived notions and no JUDGEMENT. When you judge, you end up having to make justifications for your position which only leads to more judging which gets very negative very fast.

11. Have Faith

Have faith in yourself, others and in the infinite possibilities of the best of everything. It sounds lofty – I know; however, it is truly a powerful feeling when you make it a habit.

12. Have Fun

This one goes without saying. I mean if you aren't having fun, then you're not smiling and projecting positivity. Just imagine having fun everyday with what you do, where you go and the people you connect with. How awesome would that be?

Have fun and never work a day in your life again.

13. Exercise

Yes, we all know we should do this; however, how many of us really stay consistent. The fact is though that exercising can make you feel so much better about your day. It is an absolute brilliant start to your day because a good workout often puts you in the right mindset to face the rest of the day.

In my experience, I always feel great when I exercise consistently. Conversely, I don't feel so great when I slack off… if you've been there then you know what I mean.

14. Make Lists

Lists help keep you focused throughout your day. As we know, everyday life can throw so many different things at us. Lists help us stay on track and avert chaos.

15. Make Plans

Just as lists are important so are plans. It's interesting to notice how when you know exactly where you're going things always go a lot smoother. When you have a plan, it makes dealing with hiccups much more efficient and effective because you're not all over the place and confused.

16. Promise Less

No need to make so many promises; it doesn't make you a hero – especially if your mouth keeps writing checks that bounce. Making a promise is not as important as doing what needs to be done. You don't need to announce your good deeds; the properties of your deeds will do all the talking for you.

Besides, you could easily ruin your reputation by making promises you are unable to keep; however, no one ever got a bad rep for doing a good deed.

17. Deliver More

Even though you promise less, always deliver more. When you deliver more than is expected people never forget what you did. Not that you expect anything in return; however, this habit always returns more to you than you could have imagined. So, simply put – promise less and deliver more.

18. Follow Your Conscience, Not Your Heart

This might sound strange to you because the popular saying is "follow your heart." The truth is that even when people say that, what they most often mean is "follow your conscience."

This is because the heart governs your emotional center and we all know that our emotions don't always point us to the right thing to do. Emotionally, we are often torn; our conscience though – our spirit is our true compass.

That feeling you get deep down inside when you know something isn't right – that's your conscience speaking to you. Your everyday life will be so much better if you can follow your conscience.

19. Check Your Ego

Ok, Ok, I'm working on it.

Yes, it is not always about you. Most people are so busy thinking about themselves; they don't have time to think about you. Stop believing your own hype and focus on helping other people. Help others get what they want and you will get what you want.

Check your ego and you will learn a lot more through humility.

20. Seek Help

Just as it is important to be humble; it is also important to remember that no one is an island. We can't truly succeed alone so ask for help. There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help. Just be sure you only seek help from qualified people to help you address your needs.

21. Love Yourself

This one is an obvious no-brainer but so often we forget to do it. Many people don't even know what it truly means to love themselves. Essentially, it means accepting, appreciating and approving of whom you truly are. Before you truly love others, you must first love yourself. If you don't love yourself, your everyday life will definitely stink.

Well, there you have it. A simple list that I am sure you can add to easily. These are just 21 tips that came to mind from my experience and the positive results I have been able to achieve through these powerful habits.

I truly hope they help you too.

From Dean's Library

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From Coaching to Mentorship

"All mentors are coaches but not all coaches are mentors."

Coaching and Mentorship is definitely not the same thing; each affects you differently because they are different in application. Although these 2 concepts (words) are used interchangeably on a large scale, they are in fact very dissimilar.

The difference between coaching and mentoring is as different as the difference between effectiveness and greatness. While coaching can certainly produce effective results, it is mentorship that produces greatness. This is why the two are different in kind as well as in application.

The overarching principle behind these 2 concepts is SEE-FEEL-DO-GET. It behaves in this manner; the way we SEE things affect how we FEEL which affect what we DO and thus the results we ultimately GET.

Essentially our perception of our environment drives our emotions which fuel our actions and begets the results we see manifested in our lives.

The way in which this principle acts upon coaching and mentorship is simple.

Coaching, while effective, only deals with half of the principle – the DO-GET portion. Its focus is only on half of a person – the part that is physical – the part that executes. When you are able to help someone DO something better than before, obviously you will ultimately yield better results. It is simple logic.

Mentorship on the other hand deals with the whole principle and thus acts upon the whole person. Its focus is on the entire being of a person. In other words, when you mentor someone, your first goal is to cause the person to first SEE himself differently so that he can FEEL differently and therefore DO differently and ultimately GET different results.

You see, a mentor's role is not just to have you improve upon what you are doing but also to improve the way you see yourself. This is what produces true greatness – affecting others in ways that help them not only find their voice but also to courageously express it.

While a coach can effectively help you become a master of your craft on the field, a mentor can help you become the master of your fate – to have control over all your thoughts.

While coaches understand how to play; mentors understand how to think. The bottom line is that if you are able to have better thoughts, you will be able to have better everything else. Better thoughts mean that you SEE, FEEL, DO and GET better – simple.

Some of the greatest teams in history were great because they weren't just coached to be the best – they were mentored into greatness. One of the best examples I have ever seen of a coach making the leap to mentorship is from the movie "Facing the Giants." You can link to the video clip here and see for yourself. It's awesome!

If you watched the video then you'll know exactly what I am talking about. This coach made a giant leap when he put his ego aside to help the best leader on his team recognize the great leadership ability in himself.

You see, mentors don't just help others grow – they help them see themselves as the leaders they were meant to be. I still get goose bumps every time I watch this video or use it in one of my programs.

So, as you can clearly see, coaching and mentorship are two completely different things – both can be effective; however, mentorship builds leaders. While coaching grows your physical prowess, mentorship grows your character.

Some people have said well "when you become better at something, don't you automatically feel better about yourself?"

While this is true, the fact is that when you are simply coached to be physically better at something and you feel better about yourself – you're only feeling better about the self that you are aware of – the one you see.

When you are mentored to be better, you are able to first see yourself in a different and better light so that you are not only improving upon your physicality but also on your mentality, emotionality and spirituality. Through mentorship, you can improve all 4 quotients of the human make up – IQ, EQ, PQ and SQ.

Recognizing the difference as well as understanding the application of coaching and mentorship is extremely important. When you understand what you are looking for you will know better where to look and how to apply each to achieve the best results in your life.

 

 

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The Affirmation of “I AM”

The affirmation of "I AM" reflects the essence of all manifestations in our lives. Essentially, it is the core of the principle of Choice – the ultimate power. It helps to free us from the mindset that anyone or anything else is responsible for our lot in life whether good or bad. It helps us to abandon the mindset of the "perpetual victim" and adopt the mindset of the "perpetual victor."

No matter what you may believe, know or are aware of – natural law – principle cannot fail and it cannot be avoided. It simply is.

"We are who we are and are where we are and are how we are because of the choices we've made."

Thinking otherwise makes no difference as you will continue to bear the consequences of your true thoughts and beliefs – good or bad. It is important to examine our thoughts and our words because we often do not realize how they impact our lives.

Whenever you're feeling stuck; whenever you're feeling down, just repeat and try to embody and believe the following affirmation.

Calling on the "I AM"

I am
I am in control of me
I am who I choose to be
I am where I choose to be
I am how I choose to be
I am the master of my fate
I am the designer of my destiny
I am the programmer of my life
I am all that I am because I choose
I am

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The Nucleus of Personal Growth and Development

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For the 100^th post on your blog, I requested some input, feedback and ideas for possible topics. Many of you responded and I am so grateful. As I read through your responses and pondered some of my own, it hit me. It seems only too relevant that this post is about the Nucleus of Personal Growth and Development.

I chose this topic because every idea I received for topics easily falls under this umbrella. It struck me that there are many people who do want to change in the most positive and profound ways possible; however, many people do not understand where to begin. Not only do a lot of people not understand where to begin – they often don't even possess a true understanding of personal growth and development let alone what to change and how exactly to do it.

While this blog – your blog – is jam packed with information and practical solutions on how to significantly improve your life, it was still missing a main piece of the puzzle as it pertains to helping you understand better what is at the core of personal growth and development.

If you truly want to make a major positive and profound impact on your life, it is imperative that you understand what it truly takes. Though it is a SIMPLE concept overall, experience as shown and taught me that it isn't always EASY.

Here it is in a nutshell…

The success in your pursuits for personal excellence rests with choice… the power of choice is all you need understand and exercise. Choice is grounded in principle – natural law – and therefore affects you and impacts your life whether you believe it or not, know it or not or are aware of it or not. It is no respecter of persons so the only thing that we need to do is exercise it correctly in order to achieve the results we desire.

Following are the 7 principles of choice rooted in the Nucleus of Personal Growth and Development. You may see these categorized differently; however, these are they.

 

 1. Choose Choice over Randomness

Since all things are precipitated by Choice, it is crucial that you first understand that no matter what you want to achieve, you must first choose it. Most individuals function on the "what will be will be" and the "it is what it is" mantra. It is important to recognize that if you want something to happen you have to make it happen. Truly successful individuals operate on the correct principle of "if it is to be it's up to me" and "it is what I've made it."

To be frank, whether you choose choice or not; you've still made a choice. This is what most people do not understand – whether or not you consciously make a choice or not – you've still effectively made a choice even if your choice was not to make one. What happens then is that your life becomes random – maybe it will happen and maybe it won't. The success of your personal growth and development is in jeopardy if you leave it to chance because chances are if you take the random route you will only get random results.

So, choose to choose!

 

2. Choose Awareness over Ignorance

"What you are aware of you can act on; what you are unaware of acts on you."

Awareness is integral to your success because you don't know what you don't know. This means that once you've chosen to choose, you must now choose to increase your awareness. First, you must become more aware of who you truly are so that you will understand better exactly what you need to do to make the changes you wish.

Once again, most people choose ignorance; they simply follow the crowd in the hopes that things will change and then they accept the status quo. And again, remember, as it is with principles; this is still a choice.

Choice simply exists – how we use it is up to us. This means that whether or not you choose to become more aware or remain ignorant, you've still effective made a choice. This is going to seem redundant throughout this article; however, it is necessary to ensure that you fully understand the ultimate power of choice.

Choosing awareness means that you remain open to possibilities and constantly pursue the new. Through increased understanding of yourself and others, you can make more impactful choices that are more beneficial to your personal growth and development.

 

3. Choose Change over Stagnation

"Without change, there can be no growth; without growth, there can be no change."

Following awareness, you must choose change rather than stagnation. Unless you are changing you are not growing. So many individuals complain about their station in life while doing absolutely nothing at all to change it. That is the biggest oxy-moron ever!

Whatever you want to happen you have to make it happen. Personal Growth and Development by definition is all about Change. What most people do is fight to uphold the status quo; these are the individuals that constantly think in terms of "CAN'T" first before "CAN." All truly successful individuals are change agents; they consistently look for ways to change things for the better.

Sure, it's much more popular to stick with the cliché of "If it ain't broke, don't fix it"; however, the truth is that you will achieve much greater results if you thought "I know that this works; however, how can we make it work even better." Truly successful individuals consistently seek add value – to do things better so therefore change is the ultimate result.

 

 4. Choose Thoughts over Things

"All things physical were first spiritual."

So many people focus so much energy on things; usually on the things they do not have while not appreciating the things they do have. Thoughts are way more important than things; in fact, thoughts become things. The reason it is near impossible to manifest things by simply focusing on things is because without true thought; there can be no things to manifest. Things are manifested by thoughts.

First there is thought, which you must truly believe, and then the universe creates that which is truly thought. Focusing on things first then is simply the backward way to go about this. As it pertains to your personal growth and development, it simply means that in order to have the results you desire physically manifest in your life, you must first CHOOSE the true thought of those results. Basically, you must be able to see it in your mind's eye before the first step is taken to achieve it.

Choosing thought over things says that you begin with the end in mind; this is one of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

 

5. Choose Pro-Action over Re-Action

"Reactive people are always affected by change; while proactive people always affect change."

A key component to achieving your goals is to Be Proactive; this is also one of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Proactive people always say "It is what I make it." They believe in taking action towards their goal… they do not believe in half measures and talk. Lip service is for those who choose mediocrity… while action if for those who choose abundance.

When you choose pro-action, you become the true master of your fate. When you choose re-action, other people and circumstance becomes the master of your fate. Essentially, proactive people exercise their true personal power while reactive people give it away to others.

Once again, it doesn't matter which way you choose to go, you're still CHOOSING! This is what you must understand – whether or not you choose to be proactive or reactive – you've made a choice.

 

6. Choose Acceptance over Rejection

This is a "tuffy" for a lot of people and at many different levels of life. It is very important to choose acceptance over rejection. First, you must truly accept yourself – the person you truly are. This goes back to awareness and the fact that only when you've accepted whom you truly are can you effectively choose change for you that is most beneficial and impactful.

With private acceptance also comes public acceptance. The point is that when you first accept the reality of yourself, others and circumstances, you can then make better choices to change things. Acceptance, contrary to popular belief, does not mean settling; it simply means that you receive yourself, others and things as they are and if you like them – keep them – if not change them.

By change, especially when it comes to others, I don't mean change people and I mean change how you deal with people when it is warranted to achieve the results you desire.

Too many of us refuse to accept what is real and opt to live in "la la land" in the hopes that you will never be awaken. These are the sleepwalkers of life… they remain completely withdrawn and dormant because they fear the realness of the world.

The truth is that the world is really your oyster and the universe awaits your command to do your bidding… you have only to choose it.

 

7. Choose Belief over Cynicism

"Belief kills and belief cures."

The success of your personal growth and development while understanding the use of the above 6 principles are necessary, will fizzle away very quickly without the understanding and use of the 7^th – BELIEF! Without belief, true desires cannot manifest.

At the center of every choice is belief; you must believe in what you think, say and do in order to truly manifest the results you desire. Many times, people will even reluctantly commit to trying something in the hopes of proving it won't work. This is the pinnacle of Cynicism.

Instead of thinking "what if it doesn't work", think, "what if it does." The bottom line is that if you don't truly believe in what you do and are going to do, the rest of the 6 principles just won't work in your favor. They will all continue to work; however, your ignorance will cause you to work against them instead of in alignment with them.

That's another thing that is important to understand about principles… they always work in accordance with you because they are not biased. In other words, principles never work against you because they can't. The only time that principles do not work in your favor is when you work against nature – against natural law. Principles manifest what you pour into it so be careful what you truly wish for.

Belief is at the center of the powerful principles of choice because unless you believe, you will never see the ends you desire. Those who wait to see before they believe never see; those who believe before they see never have to wait to see. This is the natural law of belief.

So there you have it – the Nucleus of Personal Growth and Development. Regardless of what challenges you face or hardship you need to overcome, the powerful principles of Choice is your way out – to success.

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DLF Evolution – The Next Level

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I've done it again! DeanLForbes.com has taken it to another level. Now, officially incorporated, Dean L. Forbes, LLC has stepped up the game by revamping the look and feel of the entire website.

And… this is just the beginning…

In the next few weeks, I'll be making some milestone changes specifically aimed at serving you in more effective ways. I decided to start with the look and feel because it just didn't represent me to the fullest. For starters, the website was missing my favorite color – BLUE!

So, I thought it was time to really inject a bit more of ME into the website. Certainly, this blog is for you – my gift – however, I felt it was important that it represent the true me as much as possible. Hence – the sea of blue you now see… you likes…

Be sure to browse the pages as I have added some new ones including some testimonials from some gracious attendees who have attended one or more of my programs. It was awesome to share this feedback because they are true testaments to why I do what I do. I am so humbled by the words that so many have used to describe their experiences either with the blog, my programs or me personally. It's an incredible feeling!

You can read them here…

What's Next?

Coming soon… I will be updating the website to include other resources, tools and products that will further help you to fast track your personal growth and meet your ultimate goals. These updates will most definitely include everything that I have in the armory that has been successful and continues to be to this day.

To mention a few, I will be adding my favorite books, speakers and special items that can help you achieve the results you desire more quickly and effectively. Please note that none of these will be quick-fixes – you know we don't believe in that here. However, all the resources, tools and products made available to you through DLF.COM are guaranteed to help you significantly improve your success rate in all your endeavors if you choose to utilize them.

One thing to make clear is this…

I will never endorse any resource, tool or product unless it has been personally reviewed and/or tested by me. The only other time that I may endorse a resource, tool or product that I haven't reviewed or tested is if I can interview others who've been successful with it, report their story and then let you know how I came by the information. Essentially, unless the proof is in the pudding, DLF.COM will not endorse it.

Monetizing the Blog

Major changes that you will soon see on the blog are more ads by Google and other reputable companies. Not to worry, DLF.COM will only support relevant ads and will refrain from posting and/or remove any that are not relevant. The whole point of this website is to make sure that you are served in every way possible and in the most effective and efficient ways possible. Nothing less will suffice… so suffice it to say that if it doesn't work for you, it won't stick around very long.

Why monetize?

Since all the information on this website is provided for FREE, one of the major ways to keep the lights on is to advertise. Besides, I do believe in receiving a fair price for the value I provide and as such, monetization of the blog is necessary.

Ultimately, my goal is to spend all my time finding ways to continue to create and deliver value to others – to you. In order to do that, I am definitely going to have to make some cheese doing this otherwise I may as well turn the lights off right now.

People are from different schools of thought on this issue; many believe that a website that provides free information shouldn't have advertising on it. Sounds nice… and with all due respect to other people's opinions, that's just it – it just sounds nice.

Sure you can certainly maintain a website without advertising or monetization; however, that isn't me. Quite frankly, we live in a physical world with real physical needs; and while I don't do this for the money, I still have to make sure that I can maintain a physical existence while I am doing it. If I can't maintain a physical existence, I certainly can't do this.

Also, as I mentioned above, this is now an official corporation – Dean L. Forbes, LLC which means Uncle Sam will be coming for his piece of the pie every year whether I make money or not. Now you know as well as I do that you may be able to duck Uncle Sam but he always catches up to you. Just ask some of you now forgotten and bankrupt celebrities…

Why tell you all of this?

Simple, this blog as I have said numerous times is truly my gift to you and while I am the steward of the vehicle, I still want you to know and understand what happens to it. I think it is important that you know how your gift is treated, maintained and how it evolves. It's not that you need to know; it's simply that you ought to know.

Also, it helps me to hear your comments and feedback if you do have any to share. I am always interested to hear from you about how I can improve the website to make it even more beneficial and effective for you.

If you have comments or feedback, please visit the contact page and send me a message. I am truly grateful for your thoughts.

Ok, that's all for now… go browse and check out the new look and feel; read more articles and share them with your friends, family and colleagues. The more you read and share the more we grow and thrive. Thank you for all your love and support.

More to come very soon so stay tuned…

P.S. A lot of you submitted your thoughts on what topics I should write about for article #100 and I haven't forgotten. Although this news update about the website will technically go in as #100, we'll consider it #99a for all intents and purposes. Article #100 will be up shortly – I hope you enjoy it. Thanks.

 

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Others

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Ann Mincey, one of my dear friends and incredible mentors once gave me a card that simply read "Others." Puzzled by the blank card with this one simple word inked on it, I asked her, "Why did you give this to me." She humbly replied "Because my pastor gave it to me while expressing his appreciation for my heart and spirit to lift and grow others and now I am passing it on to you because I see the same gift and potential in you."

Wow! That was indeed a deep and abiding moment for us both. I was of course instantly humbled by Ann's expression in her appreciation for the gift of my heart and spirit. That moment further drove home the irrefutable law that our overall purpose, each and every one of us, is to create and distribute value in the service of OTHERS.

It is in this vein that I invite you to truly consider "others" in your choices and actions. Truly successful and highly effective individuals not only understand the true meaning of service, they further grasp the other side of service which is the expectation of others. This simply means that in service, it is crucial that you truly understand whom you are serving, to what end and how to do it effectively so that others derive true benefits.

With that said, the following is a dictum to help you not only understand what to do through your voice but also what to consider through the voice of others before you make choices and take action.

The Voice between You & Others

To serve others is a promise manifested in duality; it considers your voice as well as the voice of others. It behooves us all to not only endeavor to know our voice but also to understand those of others.

See it through the eye of your spirit, feel it upon your heart, act on it within your mind and execute it with your body.

The use of your voice in service to others to help them find their voices is the pinnacle of greatness. For these are sacred promises… LISTEN!

You: I promise to always serve you and act only in your best interest

Others: As long as you also promise never to assume that your interests are also mine

You: I promise to always give you the very best of me

Others: As long as you also promise to always give me what I need and not always what I want

You: I promise to always push you to do your very best

Others: As long as you also promise to always expect the best of me from me and not the best of you from me

You: I promise to always listen actively whenever you express your heart to me

Others: As long as you also promise to always seek first to understand and then to be understood

You: I promise to always offer you my best words of wisdom

Others: As long as you also promise to always wait until requested or ask my permission

You: I promise to always provide you honest feedback when requested

Others: As long as you also promise never to judge me by your standards

You: I promise to always treat you with unconditional love

Others: As long as you also promise to always treat me the way you wish to be treated

If you dug deep, I am sure you could come up with even more voices like the above that would make the point. Just remember to consider not only your voice in service but also the voice of others. Without the consideration of others, it will be impossible to truly create and deliver value that benefits the world.

Love,

Dean

 

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Fear of Rejection

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"No" is a reflection of the speaker's perception; feeling rejected is a reflection of the receiver's perception.

Many people have a very healthy fear of rejection. In fact, in a majority of cases, it causes afflictions of analysis paralysis that border on incurable. This fear fuels the number one fear of them all which is public humiliation. No one wants to feel rejected and certainly not in public – this is a major issue.

The good news is that analysis paralysis is always curable and your fears can all be dealt with effectively as long as you have the right information, tools and resources.

The goal of this article is to help you understand the fear of rejection and provide you some practical tips to help you deal with it.

First of all your fear is understandable; it is human to avoid rejection at all cost. The main issue with this challenge is that most people do not understand it. It is one of those things that aren't too often explained to your satisfaction. My hope is that through this breakdown, you will have a better understanding of this fear thereby giving you more confidence with which to manage it and ultimately remove it.

The quote above presents a nice summation for understanding this fear. You see when someone tells you "no" or refuses your "offering and/or advances", his/her answer and position have nothing to do with you. No matter what you believe, the fact is that people don't refuse to do things based on others; it is based on something within them.

Certainly, some of his/her consideration rests with you; however, it's not so much about who you are but whom they perceive you to be. It is important to understand, that playing integral roles in a person's responses are conditioning, experience and belief – all of these create his/her perception.

This means that when the answer is no, they aren't rejecting you but rather something within them that is derived from their conditioning, their experiences, their beliefs; their perception.

This is how you should view the person responding in the negative; not having anything to do with you but everything to do with them.

As one of my mentors puts it, "people's opinion of me is none of my business." This is because the only opinion of you that really matters in the long run is the one you have of yourself. If you wish others to see you in a certain way, you must first endeavor to see yourself in that way. Then and only then will you achieve your desire.

Now, once you've understood and accepted it – it will be much easier to understand your feelings as they pertain to rejection. Your fear of rejection then is a direct result of how you perceive yourself. It doesn't matter that you associate this fear with what you believe others might think of you – the fact is that it's all stems from the way you feel about YOU!

What this means is that when someone responds to you in the negative, feeling rejected is a result of your perception of yourself. It is based on your conditioning, your experiences, your beliefs; your perception.

The goal then is to work at truly accepting, appreciating and approving of the authentic you. When you do things; make offerings and/or advances based on your true purpose and what you believe in your core is right, you will be less likely to feel rejected by anyone's negative response. You will be able to simply surmise that your offering is not for this person, be truly thankful for the opportunity to share and graciously move on to someone else whom might need what you have.

To cure your fear of rejection then, you only need be at peace with who you are. It is only when we are not that we feel rejected. Remember that there are different areas of our lives where we experience different levels of confidence; therefore, the level of your fear will differ depending on where you are with your confidence as it relates to the particular area in question at any given time. (Phew – hope that made sense)

The only way to remove your fear of rejection is to remove your rejection of yourself. To do this you only need do 3 things:

1. Accept the authentic you – truly being ok with the person you are while knowing that you always have room to improve.

2. Appreciate your true gifts and talents – know that you are unique and that you have value to add to the world and the people in it. Your offering is different than everyone else's; however, it is still valuable and there are those who need it and only you can provide it.

3. Approve of the person you see in the mirror – no matter what, you have to approve of yourself. If you don't like the person looking back at you in the mirror then take the necessary steps to change you. You will always be able to approve of you once you recognize that you are the master of your fate and that you can be anything and anyone you wish to be.

I have already written extensively on the 3 As so it is a good place to start when you're ready to tackle, manage and ultimately overcome your fear of rejection.

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Crisis Leadership

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Leadership can come from all ranks and also in many different forms; however, no leader is complete without the ability to be effective in Crisis Leadership. In my experience I have known many different types of leaders and not all of them were effective during times of crisis.

Typically, most people go into panic mode when crisis hits; they begin running around like a chicken without a head and then the whole crew follows suit. What usually ends up happening in these instances is that everyone appears very busy doing something; however, not doing much that directly influences results or affects a resolution.

The goal of this article then, is to help raise your awareness to what it takes to lead under pressure and provide some successful tips to help you become more effective in your crisis leadership.

The first thing to understand is that it is during times of crisis that it is most important for authentic leaders to show up. Holding steady during harmonious times and then falling to pieces the moment a wheel falls off the bus is not true leadership. Leaders must remain steady and focused on the challenge at hand at all times. And even if you get rattled, which can happen to anyone, it is crucial that you rise above it quickly and not fall apart in front of your team.

Karen Fuss-Zipp, leader of the #1 professional beauty company in the US (statistic good up to the date of this post) and whom I have had the good fortune and pleasure to work with and learn from is just about the coolest character as I have ever seen when it comes to crisis leadership. She is immovable; during times of crisis where others seem to go to pieces – she remains like a rock. Somehow she is able to stay calm, assess the situation, delegate accordingly and produce great results. She is a phenomenal woman in my opinion.

With that said, experience has taught me that there are 7 key characteristics that effective leaders exhibit during times of crisis.

1. Patience

Effective crisis leaders are always the coolest customers in the room. While others are losing it and panicking, crisis leaders are patiently waiting for the dust to settle. The reason they do this is because it will be extremely difficult to extract any useful information while people are in chaos mode – what I refer to as the fire truck way of operating.

One of the best things that you can do when things start to go haywire is allow others to release the initial high intensity and low intelligence emotions so that they are clearer when it's time to act. This doesn't mean that you allow this to continue indefinitely – just long enough for adequate expression.

2. Stabilizer

While others are busy working on the fire truck; effective crisis leaders understand that it is much more beneficial to work on what I refer to as the golf course. This is why they are the quintessential stabilizers. Crisis Leadership requires that you are able to bring some level of stability to the situation before any action is taken towards resolution. Again the main reason for this is to establish clarity of mind among all parties involved.

The most effective stabilizers are able to maintain the proper composure while at the same time convey the certainty of success once the dust clears. They are able to help others bring the high emotions down and raise the level of intelligence by reassuring them that they are the experts in this situation and that they can undoubtedly handle it.

This of course does not mean that you B.S. people; it means that you must know your team members well enough to be authentic in your reassurance. Any attempt to blow smoke and shovel manure will be met with hopelessness and resentment.

The whole point of the stabilizer is to bring calm to a chaotic situation so that you can work more effectively to produce the desired results.

3. Assessor

Once calm has been brought to the situation, effective leaders move quickly to assess it. They understand that the best way to come up with the best solutions is to deduce exactly what has happened and how it happened. To this end, they begin to look to the leaders among the team to find answers.

Depending on the type of situation, effective crisis leaders work on a strict time table during assessment. The more time sensitive the situation the less people they might consult for assessment. They only consult with the most necessary and directly involved individuals in order to maintain the proper focus. When it comes to crisis, it is better to remain as acute as possible to avoid going off on unnecessary tangents.

Furthermore, successful assessment requires that you know exactly whom to talk to and what to talk to them about. Talking to the wrong people about the wrong subjects during times of crisis could be disastrous. The bottom line is that you need to know your people and exactly what their expertise is – this will always add speed and accuracy to the resolution process.

4. Director

Crisis leadership requires that you are astute at directing people and traffic. When others are in panic mode, it's much harder to have clear direction. Effective crisis leaders are able to calmly and clearly convey directives to others in a way that they best understand what they have to do. Additionally, they are able to effectively streamline different processes by establishing clear time tables and an efficient system of checks and balances.

This is the reason it is so important that you know who your team members are and what they are good at. In fact, even if you don't know this information for each individual, as an effective crisis leader you need to know the people that do. At the end of the day, you must have a system whereby you can easily pinpoint the experts and what they do.

This knowledge will be invaluable in helping you delegate the right tasks to the right people in order to achieve the best results. In fact, one of the greatest strengths of effective leaders is developing other leaders. They do not surround themselves with lackeys and "yes men"; they deliberately look for and cultivate leaders.

5. Affirmer

Before releasing others to task, effective crisis leaders always affirm them. They sincerely and authentically believe that the situation can be resolved and they let others know it. They further understand that in order to achieve the best results, it is crucial that those involved are confident in themselves and also in the rest of the team.

Have you ever been truly affirmed by someone else? When you hear someone say "you can do this – I believe in you" – how does it make you feel?

If it's authentic, I guarantee you that you feel better and more confident almost instantly. Especially in times of crisis, people need to feel confident – they need to believe it is going to be ok. They need real hope in order to bring out the best in them.

The fact of the matter is that whether you are dealing with a crisis or not, it is supremely important to affirm others. This is a key element in building others and helping them to see themselves in a better light.

6. Appreciator

All effective leaders show appreciation of their team at all times. During times of crisis it is even more important. An authentic show of gratitude goes a long way in building others and giving hope to many more. The ripple effect of showing true gratitude for someone else has infinite implications and impact that is beyond your imagination. The law of gratitude says that the more you appreciate what you have, the more you get to appreciate. This means that the opposite is also true; the more you take for granted, the more you lose.

This is why it is so important to recognize people for the talents they bring to the table. Let them know that you are truly grateful for their contribution and that they have true value. Again, don't just make stuff up; be genuine about it – this is what will make the difference. The impact will undoubtedly be profound and positive.

7. Listener

Without this characteristic, it will be extremely difficult for you to fully realize the other 6. All effective leaders know that it is vital that they seek wise and qualified council at all times and that it is even more important to do so in times of crisis.

Crisis leadership requires that you listen closely and with a genuine open mind. As one of my great mentors always says "the intelligence is in the room."

This means that you look to the experts on your team and in your network when you are facing tough situations. The downfall of many leaders is often pride and ego; they begin to think that they are above the people rather than with the people. Effective leaders know that in order to lead people effectively they must stand with them and not above them.

When ego leads, teams fall apart; when humility leads, teams synergize. There is no way around it – this how the natural law works. As one of my other great mentors puts it, "EGO stands for edges greatness out."

Just remember that all effective leaders are great listeners. They deliberately seek out wise and qualified council in order to help them achieve the best results. In times of crisis, it is even more important to truly listen.

Developing these 7 characteristics will undoubtedly help you become much more effective in your crisis leadership. Even at times when your emotions run high, with these characteristics engrained within you – you will be able to evaluate and act more quickly.

 

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How to Positively Change Your Life Right Now

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Among the sea of information available on the different ways to Change Your Life, the one aspect that I have found that is often missed is the simplicity of actually changing your life. What I mean is that there is tons of great information out there on the subject; however, the application of the information is the key to success.

Once you understand the application, you can quite literally begin to affect your life in the most profound and positive ways you can imagine this instant. This isn't a gimmick or some quick fix; like all change, it is a process that takes time. What is important to understand is that you can begin to realize these changes almost instantaneously when you have the correct recipe.

While there are many ways to explain and illustrate how to positively change your life; in my experience, the formula consists of 2 main ingredients. The goal of this article is to raise your awareness to these 2 ingredients and help you discover how to apply them for maximum effect.

Ingredient #1: Think Differently

Thinking differently embodies several different parts. You might find a plethora of resources and materials that essentially drive home the point that "thoughts are things." In principle, this of course is true; however, once again the true application if most often misunderstood.

If you wish to positively change your life right now, you must first endeavor to think differently. Your goal is to remove all negative, dejecting, dismissive, passive and disempowering thoughts in your mind and replace them with just the opposite. Essentially, you need to rewrite your programming. The following is a quick guideline to help you get started with this way of thinking.

Think positively – in all instances where you would normally have a negative thought, force yourself to find the positive aspect to think about. Even if the positive is small, focus on that and center your thoughts on the positive aspects only. When you speak your thoughts, only release the positive ones. You are the master of your thoughts and thus you can change them at any time you wish. If need be, close your eyes and tell your brain to stop the negative thoughts and then go to the positive ones.

Think the best of you – whenever you look in the mirror, see only the best of you. I am not saying you should kid yourself and think that you are a rock star if you can't sing; however, you should think that if you really wanted to be a rock star, you'd know exactly what to do to make it happen. The point is to master your little voice that tells you that you are not enough and tell it to go to hell. You are the master of your fate and you are whatever you think you are.

Think the best of others – no matter how easy it seems to pass judgment and make fun of others – do the opposite. Find something that is great about each person you know and meet and think of that only. When you seek only the best in others, you immediately bring out the best in them and simultaneously the best in you. Thinking only of the best in others draws only the best towards you. For example, if all you ever think about are the negative people around you and how negative they are, all you will have in your circle are more negative people.

The objective of this exercise to help you begin to change your negative thinking; it may not be easy – however, the process is simple. Just remember that even though in principle thoughts are in fact things, they do not become things until you truly believe that they will… more on that in a bit.

In application of changing your thinking, it is a quest to change what comes to your mind in any given situation. The point is to practice thinking positively until it becomes a habit. You actually have to make a conscious choice to think differently. This is the part that most people miss so often. Thinking differently is in fact a choice and one that you must make consciously before it begins to truly happen.

Ingredient #2: Believe Differently

Walking hand-in-hand with thinking differently is believing differently. The fact is that it will be impossible to positively change your life right now unless you believe what you think. Remember what we said about thoughts becoming things? This is the second part of the equation.

While it is true in principle that thoughts become things, they cannot do so until you believe that they will. Only when you believe will you see your desires come to fruition.

Once you have rewritten the programming of your thoughts, you must then endeavor to actually believe the thoughts that you are thinking. You see in order to actually change your life, you must generate on the same frequency of the change you desire. In order to get to the level of vibration you desire, your thinking and your belief must be in alignment.

Believing differently means that you must begin to see yourself, others and the world through a new set of eyes. Whatever your preconditions have been; whatever your perceptions, you must be willing to discard them. This means that you must believe and embrace limitless possibilities. When you begin to believe that all things are possible, your thoughts will begin to inspire action that lead to the results you truly desire.

When thoughts and beliefs align in perfect harmony, inspired action leading to tremendous success is the result. The bottom line is that if in order to positively change your life right now, you must believe what you think.

Sure, it might seem like a tall order; however, think of it this way…

Look at your life now – truly examine it and be honest with yourself. Look at the negative things within it and then think about what your thoughts usually are and whether or not you actually believe those thoughts. I think that if you did this honestly, you would most certainly find that more often than not, you thought negatively and furthermore you actually believed your negative thoughts. It stands to reason then that you would certainly continue to derive negative results from these negative thoughts and your belief in them.

This is the point… it is a principle of course which means it isn't biased. The principle simply says that what we think and thus believe manifest in our physical world. It doesn't matter if it's negative or positive; so long as we think and believe it, it will indeed manifest.

So, when you think positive thoughts, all you have to do is truly believe in them and you will manifest positive results in your physical world. This is what it means to believe differently.

Immediate Results

It is guaranteed that once you begin to think and believe differently, you will instantly see the change in your life. The reason this is no quick fix is because depending on how long you've thought and believed what you have – it will take time to rewrite the program and believe in the new one.

The results you achieve will directly mirror your level of positive thinking and belief – no more and no less. This is why you see immediate results; because the universe – the natural law – principles have no favorites. They simply deliver to you what you need based on what you think and believe.

Begin the practice of positive thinking and genuine belief in that thinking today and watch your success explode. Once the application of these 2 powerful ingredients become habits, you will undoubtedly always see profound and positive changes manifesting around you.

Just remember that you are the master of your fate and you can rewrite the program and believe in it too!

 

 

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Coping with Change

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Change is a constant occurrence that we must all deal with whether we desire to or not. Coping With Change then, is certainly a very important skill to develop and improve upon in order to be effective. Sadly, the vast majority of human beings on our little planet abhor change and fight feverishly to uphold the status quo. This is why so many of us are often frustrated by change and so affected by the effects of it.

The truth is that since change is a principle that is ever happening whether to you, around you or by you, it is essentially inevitable and everlasting. This being said, effective people understand that learning how to cope with changes is crucial to their success and helping others achieve success.

Furthermore, it has been my experience that a large portion of the frustration that comes with change has to do more with the ignorance of others in dealing with changes. Basically, many, many people are clueless in how to deal with changes. And quite frankly, most, if not all, of us suck at dealing with changes in different areas of our lives.

Of course, this is not all bad since anyone has the capacity to learn and understand how to deal with change.

The goal of this article is to outline for you the most effective habits in coping with change in a practical manner. I am not saying that you will always deal with change effectively – BUT – I am saying that when you process and apply these 6 habits, you will virtually achieve the results you desire every single time.

Coping with change involves two main elements; the process and the application. The first 3 habits help you understand how to process change and the second 3 habits help you understand how to apply change.

Habit #1: Seek Change

Most people do a lot of talking about change but most do very little to facilitate change. Highly effective people understand the importance of constantly seeking change; they understand that only through change can you grow.

This means that seeking change is vital to your personal growth; unless you are willing to change, there can be no growth. The first step in coping with change is to first be a part of the group who seeks to change.

It doesn't mean that you should flip flop on your core values and beliefs but rather seek out and affect the type of changes that exemplify them and strengthen you in your convictions. Additionally, in the pursuit of change, you will often come to see the world more openly and any update to your core values and beliefs will most certainly be positive – this is organic evolution at its finest.

Habit #2: Accept Change

The second habit in coping with change is accepting it for better or worse. Sure, it is easy to accept change when the change is the one you want. More importantly though, it is key to learn how to accept even those changes that you don't necessarily like or approve of.

Accepting change does not mean that you condone or support it; however, it does mean that you acknowledge it and make choices accordingly. The biggest mistake that most people make when they face changes they do not want is to ignore them and then act as if they do not exist. Unfortunately, this ignorance does not negate the effect of the change; more often than not though, people end up frustrated, disappointed and/or hurt because of their own ignorance.

When you truly accept change – you accept it all. You endeavor to see the whole and then make choices to deal with it accordingly. Even if you decide for whatever reason to stand apart from change – you still choose to acknowledge its occurrence and therefore do not remain ignorant.

Let me put it this way…

We shed skin, lose hair, we live, we die a physical death and up to 150 species go extinct every single day. All of this is inevitable change and whether you are aware of it or not, they still happen. Getting the picture? Good… let's move on then…

Habit #3: Embrace Change

The third habit in coping with change is to embrace it. Truly successful individuals practice this relentlessly because they understand that this is how you become a true scholar of growth. When you can embrace change, you are able to learn all there is to learn from it.

Have you ever heard the cliché "everything happens for a reason?" Well, it is true and truly successful people believe it and this is why they endeavor to embrace change – ALL CHANGE.

Again, it doesn't mean that you condone or support the change – it just means that you not only accept it but you are open to it without judgment. Judgments are automatic blockers to learning because they close you off in the most profound ways. It is extremely difficult to learn anything new when you come to the class with preconceived notions. This is because for the most part, you have already made up your mind about the outcome and therefore you are unable to see beyond your own ignorance.

You can only take advantage of knowledge to the degree that you are aware of it. Essentially, if you do not know all that is available, it is impossible to use all that is available.

The embrace of change is the fertilizer for creativity and imagination that sparks the greatest change.

Furthermore, it is important to point out that we all have varying perceptions and views and that the greatest discoveries are made by seeing the world through the eyes of another. This being said, in embracing change, it is paramount that you also embrace the changes and/or differences in your fellowman. Instead of ostracizing people for being different, include them because of it so that you can learn from each other. This is the epitome of embracing change.

These 3 habits help you to PROCESS change. Practice them and you will undoubtedly see profound and positive improvement in coping with change.

Habit #4: Embody Change

The fourth habit in coping with change is to embody it. This habit is only applied when you do in fact condone and support the change. Regardless of how you become aware of the change, you choose to follow it because it aligns with your core values and beliefs.

In this case, it is important that you first consult your inner compass to make sure that this change is aligned with the things you believe in – with things that are most important to you. Then and ONLY then should you embody any change. Even if this new change takes you off your original course, in my experience, it is best to go with it if it is in alignment with your core values and beliefs.

Habit #5: Epitomize Change

As Gandhi said "Be the change you wish to see in the world." This is what it means to epitomize change. It is vital that you lead by example – that you are the epitome of the changes you want to see around you. When you are the epitome of change, coping with change becomes so much simpler because you can more easily make choices to deal with changes.

In other words, whether you stand apart from or embody change, your choices are clear based on your core values and beliefs and the types of changes you exemplify. Also, you become a lot less frustrated by the changes others make that you do not like when you are a living example of the changes you wish to contribute to the world. It's harder to knock others for their voice when you too have your own.

Habit #6: Affect Change

Habit #5 and #6 go hand-in-hand when it comes to coping with change. For once you epitomize the changes you wish to see around you, your circle of influence grows automatically and much more rapidly. People tend to follow those who have a strong and focused voice with substance to support it as opposed to a loud mouth complainer without a backbone.

Truly successful people understand that in order to create the best changes, the enrollment of others is important – it is crucial. They are proactive and they understand that "proactive people always affect changes while reactive people are always affected by changes."

In affecting change, you aim to impart your knowledge and wisdom onto others only in an effort to make them better in some way. This is not about power and control – it is about making others better for having known you. The moment it becomes about anything else, it is corrupt and no longer valid.

Additionally, when you are an affecter of change, it means that you do not stand around and wait for an invitation to do what you feel in your heart is right. Regardless of what the masses are doing, as a change agent, you must endeavor to do what is necessary to achieve the results you desire. No matter what, you have to be willing to stand your ground.

Essentially, you must be willing to stand on your core values and beliefs even if you stand alone – this is how you affect change. When you are convicted, confident, and exemplary and you clearly know where you are going, others will soon follow. You need not worry about finding others to join the cause; they will undoubtedly find you because that is what people do when they need a leader. Just remember that leaders lead from the front and not from the back.

Ever seen those epic war movies? Where was the king? That's right – usually leading the charge and not standing behind a curtain pretending to be some all-knowing wizard barking orders at the troops.

These 3 habits help you to APPLY change. Practice them and you will undoubtedly see profound and positive improvement in coping with change.

 

 

 

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Failure by Design

Just as truly successful individuals do not believe in succeeding by accident, cynical individuals and fear mongers believe that success or failure depends the luck of the draw and origin. These individuals choose not to set goals and they only make plans to take no action; they always plan for the worst and hope for average. Instead of growing by design, cynics and fear mongers fail by design.

The goal of this article is to help raise your awareness to the fact that failure, just like growth, is also achieved by design. The point is to help you realize that doing nothing, planning nothing and hoping for nothing is the same as choosing failure. In effect, you design your fate through the choices you make even when the choice is inaction.

My hope is that this article helps you to take an honest look at yourself and then make the necessary changes if you exhibit any of these attributes. At the very least, the goal is to help you avoid these pitfalls that plague so many.

Failure by Design is exactly the opposite of growth by design; it means that you are reactive in the choices you make; that you do not take full responsibility for your own personal growth and the success you achieve. It says that you do not believe that you are indeed the programmer of your program. Your choices are based on shallow reactions to others and your environment instead of on your core values.

Following are 3 elements that plague the cynics and fear mongers among us; these are conditions, attitudes and beliefs you want to avoid lest you become one of those individuals who chronically fails by design.

Have to over Choice

Cynics and fear mongers do most of the things they do because they feel they have to and not because they choose to. They are unaware that all actions are precipitated by choice. They certainly do not believe that choice is the ultimate power; in fact, they believe the opposite – that formal authority is superior to moral authority. Furthermore, they believe that the cards you are dealt are the cards you must play; you cannot change your hand.

In this mindset, these individuals consistently succumb to the whims of society and peer pressures. They continuously look to the outside world for approval and thus never achieve the results they truly desire.

For those who believe in the "have to over choice", they believe that their destiny has already been written. This is exactly the opposite of the belief of truly successful individuals.

Victim over Victor

This is a common mindset among cynics and fear mongers; they are constantly playing victims. In fact, this can afflict individuals so deeply that they may even go into depression without the attention of those who would sympathize with their self victimization.

My wife puts it this way…

"Victims will always ask why me while victors will always ask why not."

For these self-proclaimed victims, every failure is compiled for their "I told you so" file. They log each one as if this is what they truly are – failures. They do not understand that failure is an event, never a person.

Victims always take the easiest way out; they blame others and situations for their lot in life. In doing this of course, they victimize themselves just a little bit more perpetuation their false convictions that it is what it is instead of what they make it. They do not realize that believing that the problem is out there is the very problem.

Instead of working on fixing self, victims truly believe that it is always others who need fixing in order for things to fall into place. Ever notice that there are no presents at a pity party and a lot of confetti at a winner's party?

Victims are masters at failure by design so don't be a victim.

Status Quo over Change

Cynics and fear mongers are change killers; they fight to keep the status quo due to fear of change. These are the secret agents of procrastination and stagnation.

More than 90% of their time is spent maintaining the status quo as opposed to seeking out, creating and embracing positive and progressive change. They do not understand that only through change can you grow; what's worse, they do not realize that change is a constant and that growth is inevitable whether it is for the better or worse. Choosing to uphold the status quo does not stop change; however, it does cause stagnation in your personal growth and success.

Cynics and fear mongers, because they are reactive, only move when told. They wait for things to happen rather than making things happen. They move with the masses no matter what values they uphold; they are only interested in assimilation rather than creation. They lack vision and imagination and believe that open-minded individuals are deluded and foolish to believe that they can change anything. They relegate themselves to mindless sheep being led to slaughter and believe that great things are done by great men and women whom do not exist in their ranks.

This element is a major difference between managers and leaders. Cynics and fear mongers can never achieve any level higher than a manager because all they do is chop their way through the bushes trying desperately to clear a path while leaders climb to the tallest tree top overlooking the jungle to see if there is a better way.

As one quote puts it…

"Mangers do things right; leaders do the right things."

Cynics and fear mongers are followers and not leaders. In fact, they do not want to lead because they do not want the responsibility. They do however like to ridicule and heckle leaders because their power comes from the misery and failure of others; or so they foolishly believe. If only they would realize that they are the ones who are deluded and foolish.

The bottom line is in the same way you grow by design; you also achieve failure by design. Whether you choose to act or not does not negate the fact that you've made a choice and you will have to live with the consequences. There's just no way around it.

 

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The Power of Purpose

Discovering your true purpose is an essential factor in the success of your personal growth. Sadly, too many of us will never fulfill our true calling which is a shame since the world would be robbed of great deeds because of this. This I truly believe to be so.

Perhaps though, it is because not enough of us understand the power of purpose. Experience has taught me that individuals who do understand its great power more often than not do great deeds.

The goal of this article is to help raise your awareness; to help you understand the powerful significance of your reason for being. There is not one living thing on this planet or anywhere for that matter that does not have a unique reason for existing. We each have our own uniqueness to offer the world; we have but to tap into it and discover how best to share it.

Understanding purpose

A purpose-driven life is one of focus, leadership and enlightenment. When you discover your true purpose, all your choices become much more clear and you move with reason rather than with randomness. You experience less chaos and confusion in your relationships and projects and you move continuously while others seem to stand still.

Purpose fuels motivation and leads to hope and inspiration because of your determination to fulfill your calling. Others benefit from your choices and you are happy because you feel fulfilled by the value that your work – your purpose has provided for others.

Purpose is not to be taken lightly; it is what you have been called to this plane to fulfill. There is unlimited power in this truth. Even when you do not fully understand your impact, still it is there when you are living out your true purpose. When you throw a rock into the stream and watch the ripples go out until they disappear from sight, it doesn't mean that the ripples cease. It simply means that you cannot know the full depth, breadth or magnitude of the ripple effect of your choices. This is the principle reason why it is so important to discover and pursue your true purpose in life.

Imagine a world…

In order to understand the power of purpose, I suggest that you first imagine an ideal world where every person existing in it pursued his/her true purpose. Imagine each individual committing to seek out his/her reason for being and then making choices to pursue it fully.

I don't know about you but this is a world in which I want to live.

Don't get me wrong – good and bad exist within all of us and quite frankly, there are lessons that this world needs to learn through having to suffer the bad deeds as well. With that said, wouldn't it be incredible if everyone passionately pursued his/her true purpose in life?

The greatness in such an era is unimaginable – it stretches the mind of most beyond the scope of its limiting beliefs. Still, a world where we all pursued our true reason for being is a world where all people strived to create and distribute value to others. In this world, each person would be happily seeking ways in which they could be of service to their fellow man.

This is the true power of purpose.

Your reason for being

True happiness lies in purpose – your reason for being. Have you ever wondered why so many people are still so unhappy even when they seem to have it all? You know – deep down – that there must be something missing. Sure, it is easier to judge such persons for being bratty and ungrateful; however, more often than not – there is something deeper going on inside them.

This is not to say that all unhappy people lack purpose; however, you would be hard-pressed to find someone who is pursuing his/her true purpose who is also unhappy. Even if there are elements of that person's life that he/she does not like – purpose empowers you to change it for the better.

In my experience, your reason for being is your salvation – it is the cradle you should seek when all else seems to fail. When you have found your unique way in which you will serve the world, little else can ever make you unhappy ever again. Furthermore, you will achieve far more greatness and significance when you are operating on your unique frequency.

I would go as far as to say that if you can imagine a world where everyone pursued his/her true purpose, you would have a world where the 80/20 rule gets turned upside down. Rest assured that in a wonderful world such as this, common conditions of societal breakdown and destruction would occur far less frequently; particularly the following 6 states would reverse in many cases.

1. Wealth without Work
2. Pleasure without Conscience
3. Knowledge without Character
4. Commerce without Morality
5. Science without Humanity, and
6. Worship without Sacrifice

I've written a full blown article on these societal breakdowns which you can read here.

These are the types of conditions and societal erosion upon which the power of purpose would have the most significant and profoundly positive impact.

This is why I urge you not to take it lightly; understand that you do the world an atrocious disservice when you choose not to seek out your reason for being, pursue it fervently and fulfill it.

 

 

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Barriers to Effective Communication

Effective Communication is a skill that is essential to your success; it can often mean the difference between success and failure in any endeavor. So many projects, in my experience, have fallen to pieces because of poor communication.

This website is filled with many articles that cover various aspects of communication; however, the goal of this article is to address specifically some significant and common barriers to effective communication.

We all communicate in many ways; even at times when we do not realize we are, we're still communicating. The 4 main forms of communication are reading, writing, speaking and listening. Of course, there are many factors that go into the elements that hinder these efforts. We spend more than 75% of our waking hours doing one or a combination of these methods of communicating. This is the reason it is so important to understand the main impediments to your efforts.

Following are 4 key things that most individuals fail to understand which in turn hinders their communication efforts.

1. How to communicate

Most people often do not know how to communicate or were not taught how to do so. This can take many avenues in ignorance such as which medium to use. Sometimes the efficacy of your message could fizzle depending on what medium you choose to convey it. In other words, some things are better said in person rather than via phone or e-mail. Depending on the nature of your message, you have to discern the best method.

Furthermore, may people communicate from a standpoint of ego; they want to be the one who knows the most so they either communicate in part or deliberately withhold pertinent information that would better serve the whole. This way of presenting you message focuses on ego whereby the initiator not only wants to seem more important than he/she is but also shield himself/herself from looking foolish.

The point is that the way you communicate effectively is by being genuine and forthcoming. You endeavor to remove ego and put others first instead of yourself. Realize that it isn't about you; it is about the recipient(s) and it is for them to get the message.

2. Why you communicate

This might seem simple; however, it is almost always overlooked in the fine art of communication. It is important to understand why you are writing/saying what you are or reading/listening to what you are. Unless you know why, maintaining and/or obtaining any significant level of commitment on any call-to-action will be extremely difficult.

The "why" is the fuel for passion and focus which can make your message significantly more effective than it otherwise would be. The bottom line is that if you don't know why you are doing something, you are either satisfied with being a lamb led to slaughter, simply upholding the status quo and accepting mediocrity or you lack your own voice. In any case, it amounts to the same thing, confusion and disarray among the ranks.

3. From where you communicate

This is an element that escapes most; they do not understand just how crucial this is in communicating effectively. One of the most important elements of communication is authenticity. The fact is that if you are not 100% genuine in your communication, the response you get will be likewise.

In other words as one of my great teachers puts it, "Communication is the response you get."

This is to say that you should always communicate from the heart guided by your conscience – your spirit. This makes it easier to take responsibility for what you write and say because you believe it to be true and righteous at your core. It doesn't mean that you have to think this deeply at every exchange – just that you are aware that unless you are authentic, any response you receive will be likewise tainted. Even if you get what you want in the short-run, you most certainly will not be able to sustain it in the long-run.

4. When to communicate

This is as crucial an element as any of the others and in many cases, the most crucial of all. I will simply go with another one of my great teachers' analogy.

Francis Cole Jones, author of the bestseller How To Wow recommends the H.A.L.T. method of knowing when to communicate. The acronym basically means, refrain from communicating when in any of the following 4 states:

• Hungry
• Angry
• Lazy, or
• Tired

The point is that in any of these states, you are much less equipped with the wherewithal to communicate effectively. In these states you are more liable to write or say something that you'll regret later – sometimes immediately after release. Ever had one of those moments?

Furthermore, you certainly will not be in any condition to read or listen; hence you will be less likely to grasp the real and full message.

Additionally, it is important to know when to simply listen without responding. Most people still don't understand that listen is a method of communicating and sometimes that's all you need do. In fact, unless you are dealing with a child, people will most often give you queues or outright permission to offer advice or opinion. So, unless you are the initiator, listening without response is ok unless you are invited to do so. This is a good rule of thumb.

Once you have understood these hindrances, it will be easier for you to overcome the barriers to effective communication.

 

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Leading a Principle Centered Life

There is definitely a lot of information available on principle centered living. What I have discovered in my experience is that many people still do not understand what it means to lead of life grounded in correct principles.

The goal of this article is to help raise your awareness to how principles apply practically to our lives and also to help you more easily discern whether or not you a living a life grounded in correct principles.

Even at times when I refer to the term – I still get puzzled looks from so many individuals; either because they believe that they already lead a life grounded in correct principles or because they do not understand the difference as to whether they are or not.

Before you can begin to discern the kind of life you are living, two things need to happen.

First, you must understand that there are different centers of life from which people operate more dominantly than others; and…

Second, you must then decide what kind of life you want to lead.

In this vein, let us understand what some of the different centers are and how they operate. The goal here is to help you become painfully aware of where you are in this spectrum so that you can make better choices to get where you truly want to be.

As learned from one of my favorite books of all time, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, following are 5 of the most common centers from which people direct their lives. These centers often lead to unsatisfactory results in other areas of your life because they are not grounded in correct principles.

1. Spouse Centered

When you are spouse centered, you view your spouse as the main source of need and satisfaction.

You tend to view the other 4 centers as follows:

Family – good in its place but is of less importance and viewed as no more than a common project

Money – necessary to properly take care of spouse

Church – an activity to enjoy together; however it is completely subordinate to the relationship with your spouse

Self – your self-worth comes from your spouse; the way your spouse views you is of utmost importance which makes you highly and unhealthily vulnerable to spouse attitudes and behaviors

2. Family Centered

When you are family centered, it becomes your highest priority no matter who they are or how they treat you.

You tend to view the other 4 centers as follows:

Spouse – just another part of the family and certainly not more important than the whole

Money – economic support for family

Church – source of help for family; you always go together or not at all

Self – a vital part of the family; however, subordinate to it

3. Money Centered

When you are money centered, it becomes your main source of security and fulfillment; without it you feel small and insignificant.

You tend to view the other 4 centers as follows:

Spouse – an asset or liability in acquiring money

Family – as an economic drain and not much more

Church – as a tax write-off; and moreover just another bunch of charlatans with their hands in your pocket

Self – self-worth is determined by net worth; nothing matters more than how much you have in the bank

4. Church Centered

When you are church centered, it is the highest source of priority and guidance in your life; before you make a move, you must consult with the church.

You tend to view the other 4 centers as follows:

Spouse – a companion in or facilitator for church service, or a trial of faith

Family – models to exemplify adherence to church teachings, or trails of faith

Money – as a means to support church and family in their devotion to church; considered evil if it becomes a greater priority than church or church activities

Self – self worth is determined by level of devotion to church and church activities; your performance and deeds are driven by church doctrine and ethics and nothing else

5. Self Centered

When you are self centered, the focus always has to be you. You believe that you are better, smarter and more right than anyone else. You feel justified in focusing all resources on your personal gratification.

You tend to view the other 4 centers as follows:

Spouse – as your personal possession only there to please and satisfy you

Family – again, viewed as your personal possession available at your beck and call to satisfy your needs

Money – once again, another source to fulfill your needs

Church – surprise; yet another vehicle to perform self-serving deeds

As you can see by examining these 5 different centers; none of them live up to natural laws; correct principles. When your choices are made with any of these centers as the compass, it will never be for the good of all.

On the other hand, the exact opposite is true of principle centered living. In fact, that's the core meaning of it; it requires that your choices are always for the good of all. It doesn't mean that everyone has to like or agree with your choices; however, it does mean that when you make your choices you do so knowing that you are doing the right thing.

Here's what it means in relation to the other 5 centers mentioned.

Principle Centered

When you are principle centered, you endeavor to live your life in adherence to immutable natural laws which cannot be violated with impunity. You only make choices based on your core values and beliefs grounded in correct principles which always leads to true growth and happiness.

You tend to view the other 5 centers as follows:

Spouse – as an equal partner in a mutually beneficial and interdependent relationship

Family – as an opportunity for service and contribution; a source of fulfillment and also as an opportunity for teaching and leading the next generation in positive change

Money – as a resource that enables you to achieve your dreams and goals in important service and contribution to the world

Church – as a vehicle for practicing true principles; another opportunity for service and contribution

Self – as a unique, talented and creative individual living among many other unique, talented and creative individuals working independently and interdependently to achieve great things

This is what it means to lead a principle centered life.

I highly recommend that you read the entire book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People to receive the full benefit of understanding the different centers and how they operate. It is one of the single most insightful pieces of literature I have ever read. In fact, it played a huge part in my own journey of personal growth and pursuit of personal excellence.

Instead of placing a high value on things which are temporary; place the highest value on principles because they are eternal. So many people consistently wish for more money so that they can buy more things when what they really need to wish for is more time. You see, with time, you can do anything you want – the possibilities are endless.

You see time is a principle that works this way…

"There are limits to the time you have to live; however, there are no limits to how you live your time."

Make your time on this plane significant by making a difference in the life of others; endeavor to lead a principle centered life.

 

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Goal Setting for Life

Goal oriented individuals in my experience seem to always accomplish more in less time than most. Truly successful individuals move with purpose like the marines who consistently claim that they get more done by 6am than most people do all day. I have to say that I've known a few marines and this claim holds a lot of water – they get it done.

I have already written extensively on goal setting; however, the portion on goal setting for life deserves an outtake of its own. Once you understand the effective way to set goals, setting them for life becomes a much more focused task that requires a bit more thought and thoroughness.

The objective of this article is to help raise your awareness to the factors you must consider when creating your life's blueprint. These elements will most certainly help you make better choices and take more purposeful actions to achieve the results you desire. Your success rate will most definitely explode once you begin applying these to your life.

Following are the 5 factors you must consider when you decide to write the program for your life.

1. What do you love?

The first thing that you must do is figure out what you love to do. When you do this, I suggest you be honest with yourself. Go for "pie in the sky" and dig deep; whatever it is you love to do – jot it down.

This should be the thing that you are most passionate about doing. The type of thing you would do for free if money were no object. Figure out what that is and make a note of it.

2. What is important to you?

This factor usually escapes most people; they don't even realize that they've never considered it until their relationships and endeavors begin to unravel. Truly thinking about what is most important to you will help you make better decisions about how you spend your time and energy.

This is vital to your success because as most have learned, some in harder ways than others, you simply can't do it all. You must prioritize and execute around those priorities.

As Stephen R. Covey puts it, "many spend all their time climbing to the top only to find that their ladder was leaning against the wrong wall." Don't let this be you. Figure out what is most important to you, prioritize these things in your life and execute around them.

3. How do you create value doing what you love?

Again, another factor that escapes 99% of us; most don't realize that doing what you love is meaningless unless it creates value for others. There's simply no point doing what you love if no one benefits from it.

In other words, not only does it go against natural laws because our abundance lies in the quality of our service to others; but also, if you are not creating value for others, no one will pay for it – neither in time nor money.

With that said, you must also figure out how you can do what you love in a way that creates and distributes value to others. It must be fulfilling because you make a difference; rather than just success in your own right, doing what you love should take you to significance because you positively impact the lives of others.

4. Develop a routine

Goal setting for life requires diligence; it demands that you are disciplined enough to follow through on the things you need to do. Sometimes the main difference between those who succeed and those who do not are habits. When you move in a scattered and unfocused manner, the results you achieve are just that. The exact opposite is true for those who move with clarity and focus; the results they achieve reflect that.

This means taking a long hard look at yourself and admitting to your shortcomings. Think about the things you are good at and continue to improve but also, look at the areas where you can really use improvement and take the steps to do so. The quicker you step up your game in the areas of weakness, the quicker you will see the results you desire.

5. Stick with it

The other 4 factors do not matter at all unless you see it through. Remember that failure is an event, never a person. This means that you are a winner no matter what; you only need study and learn from your failures. That's what mistakes are for – to teach you valuable lessons so that you can make adjustments. When you only focus on the negative in your failures, it leads to frustration and depression causing most to give up.

The truth is that we've all been there – that place within us where we just feel like giving up. That's OK – all I'm saying is don't let it defeat you. Keep going and no matter what happens don't quit doing what you love. The truth is that when you quit doing what you love, you not only rob yourself but also the world of your true greatness. This is a disservice to all – those you know and even those you don't. We cannot know fully the impact of the ripple effect of our choices but rest assured that they often impact others in ways that you may never know. This is why it is important to make conscientious choices.

So, stick with it – never give up and you'll see your dreams and goals come to fruition. Goal setting for life demands that you commit to see it through all the way and nothing less.

These 5 factors are the ones you must consider before you create your blueprint. Once you've read and understand these, it is time to ensure that you understand how to go about setting and achieving your goals.

 

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Personal Growth Quotes

The following is a list of some of my most popular posts ever to Facebook and Twitter. I have also used these quotes in my various articles on this website. These personal growth quotes are a collection of insights from my tremendous mentors, experiences and overall lessons in personal change that I have discovered.

The purpose of this article is to officially release use of these quotes to the public. This is not for self promotion but simply for the widest range of impact. As it states in my mission statement, I want to help as many people as possible realize their true gifts and talents so that they can achieve their dreams and goals. This is the sole purpose for this official release.

At times that I have used the quotes, I have always found them to be beneficial not only to me but also to others who have heard them. It is not because they are so fantastic that they immediately change lives – it is simply because these are authentic words that stem from real life. They resonate with others deeply because the examples in their lives come screaming to the surface when they hear or read these words.

Whether or not you choose to use these personal growth quotes is completely up to you; however, this ensures that you will have a mini-archive from which to pull.

I have only one request – if you do choose to use any of these quotes that you give the proper credit for the contribution. I ask that you always show my full name like this: Dean L. Forbes.

I have also specified where the quote comes directly from another source and I ask that you give credit to the proper sources in these instances.

You need not do anything else; no need to ask permission or anything else. This article is an official document granting permission to you to use these quotes in whatever forum you deem fit and/or necessary. I am confident that you won't misuse these words. There will be no backlash from me for any reason.

Just please be mindful that these words should not be taken lightly or used loosely – they are extremely powerful when embodied and understood fully. They can even be powerful daily mantras for life – just things that you repeat to yourself as a reminder.

Following are 22 powerful personal growth quotes that can impact your life and the lives of those you know and connect with.

1. Proactive people are not driven by what happens to them but by the things they make happen.


2. Proactive people always affect changes; reactive people are always affected by changes.


3. Managers do things right, leaders do the right things. - Author Unknown


4. To neither know who you are nor where you are going is to be like a frozen river on the hottest day of summer; to know who you are but not where you are going is to be like a still river with no ebb and flow, but; to know yourself and where you are going is to be like the universal river that brings all dreams to fruition.


5. To simply be the victor in 100 conflicts or negotiations is not the pinnacle of skill or the true essence of humanity; however, to persuade your opponent to sit on the same side as you, to nurture differences and transcend conflict - this is the pinnacle of skill and the true essence of humanity.


6. Confidence lies in your preparation; the possibility of success lies in your execution.


7. For you to achieve the success you desire, you must first visualize the finish line, believe that it is already yours and then proclaim it confidently.


8. Unsuccessful individuals go forth blindly and then seek to win while truly successful individuals win first and then go forth in victorious clarity.


9. In order to consistently achieve your goals, one method can be to adapt the mindset of doomed soldiers. "Confront them with annihilation, and they will then survive; plunge them into a deadly situation, and they will then live. When people fall into danger, they are then able to strive for victory." – Sun Tzu


10. If you plan, prepare and expect to win, look at every failure as an opportunity to increase your knowledge, choose change over stagnation, you will never know defeat.


11. To lack vision and take no action is the way you guarantee failure; to walk the path before you visualize the end is the way to guarantee turmoil; to visualize the end before you walk the path is the way to guarantee true success.


12. Although it might seem easier to tear others down rather than build them up, you must understand that you cannot successfully build up yourself unless you build others. Any power you perceive from tearing others down is an illusion created by the glass-made ground upon which you walk and it will inevitably shatter and cause disarray in your endeavors.


13. If you are not overwhelmed with degrees and accolades, it is not because you have an aversion for success; if you are not well endowed in your wallets and purses, it is not because you have distaste for riches; and if your life is not excessively long, it is not because you do not desire longevity.


14. To consistently complain about what your plights are and do nothing about them is to live like the sole of a shoe on the foot of a growing giant.


15. To consistently claim that you have no choice is in itself a choice to remain ignorant, thus you lack vision; to constantly complain about the drugs, sex and violence on your television while watching without fail is the pinnacle of hypocrisy; to tell others they can't because you believe that you can't is the most despicable of disservice, thus you lack hope; to claim benevolence while you do nothing to overcome malevolence is the summit of evil; to be without care for none of these is to usher in self-destruction.


16. To understand a man's station in life, you only need examine his choices.


17. Your name rings a lot more bells a lot louder when someone other than you sings your praises.


18. Those who live in fear sit on a bubble; those who face their fears stand on solid ground.


19. Those who've reached their full potential are consumed with ego; those who consistently pursue their full potential grow humble and wise.


20. Your success and true happiness is not measured by the deeds to your properties but by the properties of your deeds.


21. Those who ask questions are seekers of knowledge and agents of change; those who do not are enforcers of ignorance and agents of stagnation.


22. Those who hoard knowledge seek to control and spread tyranny; those who share knowledge seek to uplift and spread equality.

From time to time, I will continue to update you with more powerful insights and personal growth quotes so don't forget to stay in the loop by bookmarking this site and signing up for our Free Newsletter.

 

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How to Develop Your Personal Approach

Personal Approach is a term often thrown around quite loosely without understanding its true meaning. The fact is that the way you relate to others has everything to do with your personal brand. Sure, it is absolutely important that you treat others the way you would like them to treat you; however, it doesn't mean that you should act like a robot. Simply regurgitating what you've learned in the voice of others makes you dull and boring. It is imperative that in your approach with others that you remain authentic.

Your unique brand is the only way to set yourself apart from others – put you in your own space that only you can occupy. The goal of this article is to help raise your awareness to 3 keys that will help you to develop and cultivate your personal approach.

Essentially, truly successful individuals understand that the way we relate to others is crucial to our personal growth and development. In that vein, they make it a point to hone in on their unique personality traits and then endeavor to develop them fully into strengths that increase their influence among their peers and beyond.

The main element that most people miss when it comes to developing their unique brand is in how they learn. It will be difficult to improve the way you relate to others if you do not know your learning style.

I can see the surprise looks on your faces now… where's he going with this?

Well, I'll tell you – it's simple really.

In order o improve in how you relate to others and increase your area of influence; it is vital that you are able to constantly increase your awareness. Increasing your awareness helps you to gain greater understanding of and insight into not only yourself, but others as well. The more you know about individuals, the more impactful the choices you make that add value to their lives.

With that said, since increasing your awareness is crucial, it stands to reason then that understanding your learning style would be equally crucial. To the degree that you understand how best you learn, the easier it will be for you to increase your awareness – the more aware you are, the better you can hone your personal approach.

There are 3 different learning styles and within them lie the 3 keys where your focus needs to be in order to improve in the way you relate to others.

Audio

Many people are audio learners. This simply means that these individuals only need to hear sound in order to grasp the message. They do not need notes or have the need to touch and play with materials in order to understand it.

When you are an audio learner, it is important then for you to always listen actively to others. The more you can focus on improving your listening skills, the easier it becomes for you to increase your area of influence. This is because you will be able to have greater impact through developing your listening skills; anyone would; however, it is certainly most important for the audio learner.

Visual

The visual learner needs to see what you are talking about in order to grasp the message. Simply hearing what is being said is not enough; for the visual learner, presentations, body language and facial expressions become extremely important.

When you are a visual learner, it is important that you are always looking for clues. You need to be sure that you see things before you act on them. As a visual learner, your level of awareness and clarity goes up tenfold when you are able to look at an example.

Kinesthetic

The third type of learner is a kinesthetic learner; these types of individuals need to touch and play with materials in order to fully grasp the message. Workshops and face to face conversations are excellent for these types of learners.

As it relates to improving your area of influence with others, it is essential for the kinesthetic learner to have a lot of interaction. The more interactivity – the better.

So, where was I going with this?

Right – I remember.

Evaluating the way you learn will help you tremendously in improving your personal approach. Once you increase your awareness about your learning style, it not only arms you with what to do but also how to convey what you need to others. The more effective you are at communicating your needs to others, the more impactful the results you will achieve.

The bottom line is that understanding these elements will go a long way in helping you improve in the way you relate to others.

 

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How to Live Life in the Top 20%

This article addresses a very simple but common dilemma for many individuals. So many people, some of whom I counsel, are in a constant state of living below their true potential. In fact, the latest statistic suggests that 90% of the population only controls 7% of the financial wealth and that the top 1% is controlling almost 50% of the total financial wealth.

I don't know about you but that just sounds dismal to me.

The fact is that 80% of wealth of any kind is controlled by only 20% of the population. What's more, getting into that top 20% is a simple feat; however, it just isn't easy. I suppose if it were easy everyone would do it.

The question is, do you want to learn how to live life in the top 20%? If so, stick around – this article will cover some fundamental insights to get you on your way pronto.

Truly successful individuals see things differently; they think differently and just have a different swagger than most other people. It isn't that they are necessarily smarter; they are just more keenly aware of principles – universal laws by which the world operates. It is this understanding that sets them apart because they are able to make choices that are aligned with principles which always yield more significant and impactful results.

Truly successful individuals – the ones that live in the top 20% understand and believe in 5 fundamental principles. These can be as obtuse or as acute as they need to be depending on your goal. If you can embody and practice these 5 principles, you will begin to experience life like the top 20%.

Choice

The first principle is that of choice. Truly successful individuals understand that choice precipitates all things; that it our choices determine the results we ultimately achieve. Just remember that you have what you have and you are where you are because of the choices you have made. This is true whether you are aware of it or not or believe it or not. Take responsibility for your choices – everyone in the top 20% does.

Purpose

Without purpose, you are doomed to wander this plain in a state of mind no better than that of a mindless zombie. True purpose is a major difference between those who achieve their goals and those who do not. If you truly want to discover how to live a life in the top 20%, you must commit to finding your true purpose.

It is through purpose that we make a difference; this is the fuel that drives us to greatness. Without it, one can expect no more than a life of mediocrity.

Value

All truly successful individuals understand that regardless of what they do, they must make certain that they create and distribute value to others. Once you have discovered your true purpose, your next step is to figure out the best way you can make a difference in the lives of others through it. If through your purpose you only serve yourself, your life in the top 20% will be short-lived. We all have within us unique gifts and talents that help us create and distribute value to others; you only need look deep enough to find it.

Service

The fourth principle is that of service. What purpose do you serve – what needs do you meet? Many people misunderstood the meaning of service – often misconstruing it with subservience. Nothing could be further from the truth. Living a life in service simple means; through your unique gifts and talents you execute your true purpose in a way that creates and distributes value to others. It has nothing to do with being passive of submissive to others – rather it's more about being submissive to your spirit and doing everything you can to do as it directs you.

Love

The fifth principle is that of love. What the top 20% understand about love that most do not is that it is not a noun – it's a verb. Love is doing – doing what you love – doing onto to others as you would have them do unto you. Truly successful individuals put true love into everything that they do. They treat everyone that they connect with lovingly and act from a place of love through their deeds.

In fact, acting in true love brings the other four principles into crystal clear focus. This is because when you act from the love center, you make better choices, stay true to your purpose, serve others more benevolently which creates greater value and demonstrates authentic service.

Through the application of these 5 fundamental principles, you will discover how to live life in the top 20%.

 

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31 Little Ways to Guarantee You Succeed In Everything You Do Tomorrow

Following are 31 little ways to guarantee your success in everything you do tomorrow right out of the gate. These are in no particular order; however, if you can make it a point to practice even 3 of these just for a day – you will certain see a huge difference in what you can achieve.

Some of the great benefits you will derive include but are not limited to the facts that, you will feel better, be happier, touch more people positively and you will make significant differences not only in your life and personal growth but also in others as well.

Here goes…

1. Get a good night's rest

There are not many things that beat a good night sleep. It can help in making you more relaxed, focused and accommodating. You may have noticed in your own life how much more open you are when you've had a good night sleep. You may have also noticed how closed you are when you haven't.

2. Dream big

A good night's sleep can help put you in a great space where you can truly slip into the meat of your dreams. The more restful you are, the clearer your dreams. Part of dreaming big is going to bed with the best of thoughts on your mind. Think about the things you truly love to do and the people you love. These will help you to really dream big – the sky is the limit, especially in your dreams.

3. Give thanks

As soon as your feet touch the ground in the morning and then again when they hit the bed at night, you should make it a point to give thanks for all your blessings. No matter how small or seemingly insignificant, show gratitude for what you have. The law of gratitude says that the more grateful you are for the things you have the more things you get to be grateful for. So give thanks and your day will be promisingly successful.

4. Smile

As my wife puts it S.M.I.L.E. stands for See More In Life Every day. A smile, in my experience, not only makes you feel better instantly but it is also contagious. Have you ever noticed that the more you smile the more others around you smile back? Additionally, people become a lot more open and agreeable when they are smiling. This is a fundamental tactic in sales; sales people are trained to smile big every chance they get. The reason is because it is a proven fact that you get a lot more done when people are having fun – so smile.

5. Know your mission

Never leave home without knowing what your goal is. It doesn't matter if you're only going to Target to pick up diapers and toilet paper; the more crystal clear you are on your mission, the more focused you'll be. The more focused you are the more likely it will be that you will achieve your goals. In order to succeed in everything you do tomorrow, it is imperative that you are clear on what your mission is.

6. Win first

Most people wake up every day looking for a win; truly successful individuals wake up winners! All this means is that before you begin any journey, you visualize yourself at the finish line. Imagine the prize, the accolades, and the reward – see yourself doing it all the way. This is what real winners do. Executing the mission is just going through the motions; however, they've already won in their minds. As my great friend and mentor Ann Mincey puts it, "You are a star right where you are." Nuff said.

7. Make a plan

All truly successful individuals plan. It doesn't have to be elaborate; however, for each day you exist on this plane, it is important to have at the very least an outline of what you expect to accomplish in your day. Even if your day is a day of dealing with whatever life throws your way, if your mindset is in that space and this is truly your plan, you will hold frustration and depression at bay. Truly successful individuals know that if you fail to plan, you've essentially planned to fail.

No house is built without first consulting the blueprint; before the first stake is plunged and the first nail driven, the foreman and his crew look to the blueprint for the next move. This is why you need to make a plan or risk having you deluxe master bathroom end up in the barn.

8. Prioritize your tasks

The power of priority is extremely underrated. In order to succeed in everything you do tomorrow, it is crucial that you make the effort to prioritize your day. Think about what is most important for you to accomplish and when the time comes, just do those things. No matter what is happening, make it a point to go in order or priority. Yes, it might feel a bit weird at first; however, I promise that it's for the best. In my experience, proper prioritization has never failed me.

9. Put first things first

This is harder than it sounds – well at least for me. I work on this one constantly because I often get confused about what things are first. I can tell you that from experience, when I do get this right – it is amazing how well the rest of my day flows. Something as simple as giving my 2 precious daughters 15 minutes of undivided and uninterrupted attention can mean 2 hours or work time uninterrupted. Wow!

It is vital to understand what is most important in your day and in your life in order to know what to put first. Understanding these things helps you know when to stop, take a breather and focus on the right things at the right time. When you prioritize, it becomes easier to see what things come first as far as where to spend your energy.

10. Act with purpose

When you act, do it with purpose. I am not saying you need to be a stiff shirt and that spontaneity has no place in your day. I am simply saying that whatever you plan to accomplish, make sure your actions are in line with that goal. When you make a move, make sure that there is a reason – be proactive about it and don't just react to the people and environment around you. In fact, that is exactly the point; stay your course unless changing it is the right thing to do in order to achieve the results you desire.

11. Help someone

It is extremely difficult to truly help yourself unless you help someone else. Most people don't even realize the profound truth and principle in this statement; however, I can assure you that it is true. It doesn't matter if you believe it or not or are aware of it or not – this is a universal principle.

Helping someone else is a sure way to get closer to your goals. Success in everything you do tomorrow is almost assured when you genuinely seek to create and distribute vale for someone else. Make a difference in someone else's life and watch your dreams come to fruition.

12. Teach someone

A sure way to increase your own knowledge is to teach someone else what you have learned. A sure way to change the world is to educate and uplift someone else with your wisdom and experience. Knowledge is useless if we hoard it; it can only reach its true potential when we willfully share it.

13. Learn from someone

Just as teaching others is important, it is equally if not more important to learn from others. Learning from others is how we get inspired, make better choices, make a difference and be of significant service. No one knows everything he/she needs to know no matter how long you've been alive. There is always more to learn and new growth to achieve. Truly successful individuals are humble enough to know that you are always in pursuit of your full potential but that you never actually reach it. This is because no matter how much you grow – you can always grow more.

14. Lower your expectations

Slow down – this doesn't mean to lower your self-expectations. It means that you should be ok with lowering your expectation of others without lowering your standards. What most of us do is impose our expectations upon others and then get disappointed when they don't live up to them. This is called judgment. The truth is that you can always change the way you relate to and interact with a person based on their level of commitment to your relationship.

In order to succeed in everything you do tomorrow, it is crucial that you are able to lower your expectation of others without lowering your standards. This will help you tremendously in making better choices about where you spend your energy. It will most certainly reduce frustration, anger, disappointment and you will undoubtedly be much less judgmental.

15. Maintain your standards

Just because you lower your expectations of others does not mean you have to lower your standards. Maintain your standards; do not allow anyone else's choices and attitude to make you regress in your own personal growth. Stand your ground; make powerful choices that keep you in situations where your standards are met. It doesn't mean that you are turning your nose up at anyone – it just means that there is a certain standard that you choose to live by. It might be a cliché BUT, it is so true – "to each his own."

16. Find the silver lining

This is very hard for most people to do. In fact, more often than not you find many more people willing to judge someone else who seems to always find the silver lining in every cloud. It seems easier to tear someone down; however, the repercussions to your personal growth can be disastrous.

There is always some good in every situation no matter how bleak it may seem; make the extra effort to consistently look for it. No matter how others might criticize you for your optimism – do it anyway. When you are able to see the glass consistently as half full, your attitude is always up which means your aptitude goes up and ultimately your altitude.

17. Laugh

Nuff said!

18. Check your ego

This is supremely important when it comes to succeeding. As one of my mentors puts it, ego stands for "edges greatness out." Truly successful individuals are always aware of their ego and how much damage it can do when you let it run wild. Practice humility in all situations; in ego, there is infinite ignorance – in humility there is infinite wisdom.

When you can check your ego at the door, many doors remain open to you that would otherwise be closed. I can speak from personal experience to say that nothing good comes from allowing your ego to govern your choices. It is not about you – it's about YOU!

19. Stow your pride

Ego and pride walk hand-in-hand. Pride has destroyed many a men and women in a myriad of ways. There is nothing wrong with being proud of your accomplishments; however, when pride leads you to remain ignorant while pretending to be knowledgeable, no good comes of it.

Pride ushers in arrogance and sense of entitlement without work. If you haven't earned it by paying the price, you do not deserve it and the universe will quickly bring you back down to earth one way or another. Pride houses the danger of the false belief that you are more important than you actually are. People are always turned off by this and you will find it extremely difficult to achieve much success when your choices are riddled with pride.

20. Don't do you

Most of you have heard this before; some of you may have even said it. I know I have before. It goes "I'm going to just do me" or something to that effect. Many times you ask people how they are doing and their response is "I'm just doing me."

Let me implore you – don't do you! Do not fall for this negative mindset masquerading as a strong and progressive one. It isn't – nothing could be further from the truth. When you adopt the mindset of "doing me", it forces you to focus on yourself which leads to selfishness. You no longer make choices that are aligned with your core values and beliefs. Instead, they are directed by whether or not, your choices serve you – you become more and more self-serving. This is a slippery slope because no real success has ever come without helping others be successful.

21. Do something different

"Observe the masses and do the opposite." That's what my Dad always said. When you do things differently, it always seem to stick out. Now, I am not saying that you should do something differently just to be different. Make sure that whatever difference you are making – it is of value to others.

Just remember that innovation – creating something new and different is one of the 7 ways to add killer value to anything.

22. Do the right thing

"Managers do things right; leaders do the right things." Be a leader tomorrow in order to guarantee your success. No matter how hard it may seem, always do the right thing. I know that it is often not as black and white as we'd like it – believe me – I can tell you from experience that it is often hard.

The point is though that the more you can do the right thing by yourself and others, the more successful you will be in your endeavors. Doing the right thing always feels way better than not. So, as much as you can aim to do the right things like all effective and truly successful leaders.

23. Ask questions

If you are going to make a difference in people's lives, it is imperative that you ask a lot of questions. Through questions, you raise your awareness and knowledge. When you ask questions, you make others feel valuable – as if they matter. When you ask questions about others, they have a greater tendency to open up to you.

24. Listen actively

Just as it is important to ask questions, that can be an exercise in futility unless you genuinely listen. As one of my mentors puts it, "Listening is a gift, give it often." When you truly listen to others, the trust level goes up and they feel even more validated because they believe that you truly care about their plight.

By actively listening to others, you will not only learn a great deal more, you will also have better insights on how to create and deliver value to others. All truly successful individuals are master listeners.

25. Love yourself

This is easier said than done – I assure you. Loving yourself means that you must truly accept, appreciate and approve of the authentic you. It is vital that you raise your awareness about who you truly are so that you can make better choices to become who you truly want to be.

26. Love everyone

Once you have learned how to love yourself, it becomes easier to love others. When I say love everyone, I simply mean that your actions towards others must come from a place of love. If you find it difficult to act lovingly towards someone, then inaction may be the most loving thing you can do. When you truly seek to show love to everyone, it frees up your energy so that you can put it into more productive and significant endeavors.

Ever wonder what that heavy feeling is inside when certain people enter a room? Yes, you know what I am talking about. Let that go – you don't need to carry someone else's weakness around. It's not your burden to bear so drop it.

27. Pay it forward

Don't forget the good deeds that others so for you. The best way you can give back in the like is to do something for someone else. Pay it forward – this is how the ripple effect gets wider. When you pay it forward, you not only make differences in the lives of others but you also expand your circle of influence. The larger your circle of influence, the higher the probability you will succeed in your goals.

28. Focus on your needs

Most people mistakenly focus more on their wants which usually leads to dead end and repeated disappointments. Even if you get some of what you want using this mindset, it is almost always short-lived. The truth is that in order to get what you want; you have to focus on your needs. It is only when your needs are met that your wants come to fruition long term.

29. Face your fears

Achieving success in everything you do tomorrow will most certainly require that you face your fears. We all have fears; however, truly successful individuals face their fears; they accept them and forge ahead courageously in the pursuit of right action. The whole point of facing your fears is to ensure that they do not paralyze you and cause stagnation.

30. Give it all you've got

This one goes without saying; however, I am still going to say it. You cannot achieve your goals if you put in "half-assed" efforts. It just won't happen. The sad truth is that so many people consistently put in lack-luster performance and consistently expect gleaming results – I don't get it! Do not be this person – give it all you've got – your very best every time and then live with the results. I guarantee you that you will feel a whole lot better about yourself even when you fall short.

31. Don't give up

Just as you're giving it all you've got – make sure you don't give up! Malcolm Forbes said it best when asked the question, "How do you succeed?" His reply was "Never give up." You know when you put all of these insights together; they are actually meaningless unless you stay the course. If you give up, the rest doesn't matter – does it?

Stay in the game; be proactive and go forth courageously in pursuit of your dreams and goals.

Well, there you have it…

These are 31 little ways you can guarantee that you succeed in everything you do tomorrow. The best part is that you don't have to practice these all at once. Some of them you may already be doing. Just choose a few to begin with, be diligent and once you've mastered one area – move on to the next.

Here's to your success and good luck!

 

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The Whole Person Concept

Too often, we forget that a person is made up of more stuff that we show gratitude and appreciation for. I have never known the days when it was standard to look at each person as a Whole Person.

That might sound a bit odd – BUT – think about it a moment…

How do you view the people in your life? Can you honestly say you see them as a whole or do you just look at and relate to them in part?

The world's greatest resource is people and to view them any less than as a whole is truly a disservice to them and you. This article focuses on the "Whole Person Concept." Essentially, it means truly viewing each person to whom you are connected in completeness.

The more you can see, understand, appreciate and show gratitude for all that a person is, the better the results you will achieve in your personal growth. Furthermore, the more you truly see a person for all that they are, the greater value you are able to add to their lives. Basically, the Whole Person Concept is a sure way to fuel motivation, empowerment, hope and ultimately true success.

The Whole Person Concept says that a person is made up of 4 quadrants – body, mind, heart and spirit. Truly successful individuals understand the importance of growing positively in all these areas. None of these are neglected in the equation because the health of each determines how high you will climb. To the degree that you can nurture and develop the 4 quadrants of you and also in others, the results you and they achieve will mirror alike.

For instance, I could, and I have, ask 100 people in a room "How many believe that the individuals that work for your organization possess more talent, more creativity and more passion than your current job requires or even allows?" Almost 100% of the time more than 90% of the people in that room raise their hands.

Now I don't know about you but to me that is a crying shame – utterly despicable. Why would any company want to hire a half a person or only part of a person? It makes perfect sense why we continue to see declines in productivity and efficiency. No one is truly valued and therefore remain unmotivated and unfulfilled. This is a recipe for lackluster results to say the least.

The Whole Person Concept requires that you tap into all 4 parts of the human make-up; body, mind, heart and spirit.

The Body

The body represents health, goods and services – it is where we meet our physical needs. Taking care of the body is crucial to your personal growth and success simply because we live in a physical world. Without a healthy body, one becomes lethargic, lazy and unmotivated.

As it relates to body, it is also important to understand the underlying symbol such as goods and services. If your goods and services are below standard, have little value and meet the needs of no one – they are useless. In other words, taking care of the body does not just mean your physical body; but also that of your work as well as your goods and services. These are also elements of the body.

Companies that put in place a strategic focus on health, work-life balance and the importance of a healthier lifestyle continue to see increases year after year in productivity, efficiency and overall morale. No matter what else is going on in the economy, when the needs of the body are met, increases in almost every area is automatic.

This is the reason it is so important not only to nurture and develop the body in positive ways but also to help others do the same.

The Mind

So often we fail to treat people like people and instead treat them more like machines. This is a prevalent condition in the corporate world. In fact, I find it absolutely ludicrous that in this day and age, you still find machines on the asset side of the balance sheet while people remain on the liability side of the balance sheet.

The truth is that it is extremely imperative for growth that we focus on tapping into and building the minds of others. Too often, people's true gifts and talents are overlooked because someone is following what it meant to be a guide as if it's the end all be all of knowledge.

The Whole Person Concept demands that you seek to grow your mind and tap into the minds of others. Find out what other people are truly good at and then help them to cultivate that in an effort to create and distribute value to others in unique ways.

So many times when you hear people complain about work, you hear about what the company is doing wrong and how no one listens to them. This is the cry of more than 90% of all employees working everywhere. This to me is a travesty.

Instead of telling people how to do something, simply relay the results you are trying to achieve and then turn them loose to find the best ways to accomplish the task. Give them the mission, make sure that they buy in and then refrain from policing their methods in how they achieve the goal.

I guarantee that the more you can do this for yourself and others, the greater the results you will achieve. A major reason for this is that people will more quickly commit to and promote what they help to create.

Remember that in the mind lives your true gifts and talents and through the body you can bring these to life. Any limitations on this will limit your personal growth and the results you achieve.

The Heart

The heart is where your true passion lives; it is where your innermost desires are born. Countless people go about their lives every day wishing for the moment when they will get the opportunity to truly do what they are passionate about.

In my experience, it does you no good to wait around for the opportunity to come to you – go forth and create it. Too many times, companies and people forget to find out what really drives others. It is important to know what makes people get out of bed in the morning – what people would do whether they got paid or not.

Think about it…

If money were no object, what would you be doing with your time? Are you doing that right now?

I am almost certain that most people would have to answer No to the second question. The sad fact is that 99% of people do not spend the bulk of their time doing what they are truly passionate about – what they truly love to do. Companies focus even less on tapping into this part of a person. They seem to function on the premise that as long as their ends are achieved, all is good. All the while though, frustration, depression and ultimately turnover begins to plague that organization. Companies with smart leadership do the opposite and see tremendous success because of it.

Even when people stay on the job, it is often just because they need a paycheck – a portion of which they spend deriving their fulfillment off the job.

In order to bring out the true greatness in others, focus on helping them to realize and develop their true passion. Passionate people always deliver better results. When you feel passionate about what you are doing, motivation, hope and empowerment all become second nature. This is a recipe for greatness.

When you are able to match people's gifts and talents with what they are passionate about, the possibilities become limitless in the success you can achieve.

The Spirit

In order to make significant strides in your personal growth and help others to grow, it is vital that you nurture and grow the spirit. The spirit is where your conscience lives – this is your inner compass. Your core values and beliefs are formed here. This is the helm from which you direct the other 3 quadrants.

The spirit tells you whether or not what you are doing is right. It validates your choices; either they are aligned with your true beliefs or they are not. When we make choices that are directed by our spirit, the results we achieve will most certainly be greater by leaps and bounds.

Just to be clear, the spirit does not necessarily have anything to do with your religious beliefs. It is more about making choices that come from your inner blueprint – the mantra by which you live your life. The spirit is where you decipher whether or not through your passion, your true gifts and talents and your service – you are truly creating and distributing value to others. The spirit is at the nucleus of body, mind and heart. Working together, they are more powerful than most can imagine.

The Whole Person

You can never truly see a person unless you can appreciate and show gratitude for all 4 quadrants of that person. True greatness comes from building all 4 – making them strong. To achieve significant strides in your personal growth, it is imperative that you understand this concept and endeavor to develop each of the 4 quadrants in yourself. Once you begin to do that, helping others to achieve the same will become a habit.

Too often parts of us sit on the sidelines waiting for the coach to put us in the game. I say stop waiting – get off the sidelines and just get in the game. The only person stopping you is you.

 

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The Pinnacle of Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is probably one of the most critical elements of personal growth. How well you know yourself directly impacts the level at which you can improve yourself. If you do not know who you are, you will find it extremely difficult to achieve the results you desire.

Knowing who you are is extremely important in order for you make choices that truly move you closer to your ultimate goals. This means that you must be willing to take a hard and honest look at who you are so that you can make healthy choices to improve in your personal growth and become who you truly want to be.

The goal of this article is to help you understand what it means to achieve the pinnacle of self-awareness and the importance and striving to do so.

There are essentially 3 parts that make up the pinnacle of self-awareness. If you are able to practice and improve in these 3 areas, the choices you make and the results you achieve will help you achieve your goals much more efficiently and fruitfully.

1. Know Thyself

To achieve highly self-aware, it is important that you know who you truly are. This is not just about personality and superficial fluff – this is about knowing and understanding your character.

In this respect, it is crucially important that you are honest with yourself – even if it hurts. In fact, if you really want to know who you are and you want honest feedback, ask someone you trust and respect whom you know will tell you the painful truth.

Unless you become painfully aware of your shortcomings, it will be difficult for you to achieve long-term and significant success in your personal growth.

The pinnacle of self-awareness requires that you take a long hard look at yourself and then decide who you want to become. Without an honest assessment of who you are today, I assure you that it will prove an uphill battle to become who you truly want to be tomorrow.

To put it bluntly, if you are a thief and you know you're a thief – you have to be willing, courageous and honest in admitting to that. This is the only way to move forward and change that part of your character.

You see, the major mistake that many individuals make is that they do not look at their character when making these assessments; they only look at the more superficial elements usually driven by personality. Believe me there are plenty of comedic thieves out there that while making you keel over in belly-aching laughter could easily also be stealing your lunch.

The point here is that it is absolutely imperative that you are honest with you about who you are; the pinnacle of self-awareness demands it.

2. Love Thyself

The second part to the pinnacle of self-awareness is to love thyself. I know that it sounds like a pretty elementary concept; however, most fail to understand its true meaning and power.

Loving yourself requires that you truly accept, appreciate and approve of who you are. When you look in the mirror, you have to love what you see looking back at you.

Surely, this does not mean that if you are a thief – you should simply endeavor to go about loving the thief in you unless that's who you truly want to be. Of course, if this is the case – be prepared to reap all the consequences.

However, the goal is to love not only the person you see but also the person whom you are striving to become. You see, in order to begin your journey to become the new you, first you have to know the current you and love the current you. This way you can make much healthier choices in how to proceed.

The point is that while you may not be able to love the character of the current you, you can certainly love the part of your character that wants to become a better you in the first place. This is why it is important to accept, appreciate and approve of you. When you can do this genuinely, you will immediately find that it becomes a lot easier to make choices that truly impact your life significantly.

Don't be afraid to love yourself no matter what you honest self-assessment might uncover about you. The truth is that pursuing the pinnacle of self-awareness requires that you not only know who you are truly but also that you love who you are. And, if you are seeking to be better than you are today, it's definitely worth loving that character of personal growth and change within you.

Furthermore, when you truly love yourself, it teaches you how to love others. This is the true lesson behind the saying "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Experiencing the good feelings when you treat yourself the way you truly love to be treated helps you to express and give back to others in ways that allow them to experience the same. This is incredible not only for you but also for those you connect with.

The pinnacle of self-awareness requires that you truly love yourself and only do to and for you the things that make you truly feel loved.

3. Give Thyself

The third part to the pinnacle of self-awareness is to give thyself. Giving to you simply means that you seek to give completely only that which is healthy to your body, mind, heart and spirit.

OK, a little deep… let me explain.

You see, individuals who are highly self-aware give each of the 4 quadrants of themselves all the things they need to grow in a healthy way. In fact, as it relates you improving your personal growth, feeding the body, mind, heart and spirit with the proper food is a major component of cultivating wisdom.

In a nutshell it is important that you do to the 4 quadrants of you only things that help each grow positively. What this means is that you feed them nothing that has an adverse effect on their performance.

Certainly, no one is perfect – we all do things to ourselves that affect us in negative ways. My point here is to simply demonstrate that the more things you can do to uplift and positively grow the body, mind, heart and spirit – the easier it will be to achieve your goals.

Furthermore, as in loving yourself, the more you understand your needs and what to give yourself, the more you will be able to understand the needs of others and be able to give to them in ways that significantly impact their lives.

For a more in-depth view of how you can feed your body, mind, heart and spirit with the right foods, please read How to Develop and Cultivate Wisdom.

Practicing these 3 elements will undoubtedly make you more keenly self-aware than you have ever been. To achieve the pinnacle of self-awareness, it is important that you are in tune with all 3 of these.

The more highly self-aware you are, the greater the successes you achieve in your personal growth, development and in your dreams and goals. This is because the better you understand who you truly are, the more focused and powerful the choices you make.

So remember, know thyself, love thyself and give thyself.

 

 

 

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Killer Series: 7 Steps to Killer Networking Skills

Networking has long been one of the most important things you can do to increase your visibility and influence. Individuals who have developed strong networks tend to almost always get ahead faster and more efficiently than those who do not.

Sure, it takes more than a strong network to achieve at high levels; however, a strong network provides a lot more opportunities for you to make your mark. In fact, while book-smarts can often be very important in your success – it is much more difficult to hit your goals without a strong network. On the other hand, if you have a strong network – you can succeed at the highest levels even without book-smarts. That, I guess, makes Killer Networking more like street-smarts.

In my experience, having a strong network has proven to be one of the most crucial elements in my successes. In fact, I give great credit to where I am now to the incredible network that I have been able to develop and continue to cultivate. A very significant part of my pursuit of personal growth and excellence includes killer networking. Developing this skill, I believe, is absolutely necessary for you to achieve at the highest levels.

Following are the 7 steps to killer networking skills that once mastered will undoubtedly help you improve in your personal growth and rapidly move the needle closer to your goals.

1. Be proactive

The first rule of thumb in networking is that you have to do something; nothing happens unless you make it happen. Sitting around and hoping that you get the opportunity to meet the right people at the right time is a fool's folly.

In fact, the very core of networking is that you are constantly in the mode of connecting with others. If you are not moving towards others, you're not truly seeking to expand your circle.

To be proactive as a skilled networker means that you understand that you are 100% responsible for taking the steps necessary to make meaningful connections. Individuals with highly developed skills in this art are always seeking to collaborate with others who are going somewhere – adding value – doing things that make a difference.

So in a nutshell – get off your ass-ets and do something. 

2. Study the landscape

While you are being proactive, it is crucially important to know with whom you are dealing. Whenever you seek to network with others, it is important that you understand who they are and what they are about. Simply stepping into the arena and not know your audience almost always proves to be an amateur's move.

Studying the landscape will ensure that you know just what makes the people you seek to connect with tick. At the very least, you should understand their interests and know their accomplishments. Also, it is a very good idea to look for commonalities either in personality or experiences. The bottom line is it can only help you if you can decipher different ways you can actually connect with others in a meaningful way.

When I say study the landscape – I don't mean for manipulative purposes. What I mean is that once you know your audience, you can find truly authentic and more impactful ways of making a connection.

Killer networkers are avid researchers; they are constantly looking for common ground on which to play with others. The fact is that they understand that the more relative and level you can make the playing field, the greater your chances of hitting a home run in the networking arena.

So, do your homework before you dive into the pond to play with the big fishes.

3. Act with purpose

When it comes to networking, Killer Networkers only move with a mission. They know precisely these 4 things:

1. What they are going to do
2. Why they are going to do it
3. How they are going to do it
4. When they are going to do it

There are no accidents in the purpose-driven life of killer networkers. Acting with purpose means that unless you have a plan for the connection you seek to make – you don't move on it.

Certainly, there are times when things will happen spontaneously; however, these moments are the exception and not the rule. At times like that you simply act in a manner that feels right to you and live with the consequences of your actions. Besides, you're not simply giving to get – you're just being a good human being.

So, don't move unless you can answer the 4 questions above and then put some pep in your step.

4. Seek to help

This is one the most missed principle in the art of killer networking. Killer networkers truly believe in helping others. In fact, it is the nucleus of why they network in the first place. Sure, there is a very public agenda to advance in your own dreams and goals; however, there is a clear understanding of how powerful it is when you simply help others achieve their dreams and goals.

Killer Networking requires that you genuinely seek to help others. That means that you deliberately seek to understand the desires of others and then apply your true gifts and talents to help them achieve the results they desire.

Most people, when they attend a networking event, go with one purpose – to hand out as many business cards as possible and talk about how great they are. This is utterly useless – not to mention obnoxious. Does anyone else find this person or annoying or is it just me?

If you truly want to improve your networking skills – take it to the highest level – seek to genuinely help others achieve their dreams and goals. Find ways to be of great value to others and they will never forget you for that. In fact, they will automatically become your biggest cheerleaders.

The networkers who only talk about themselves and their perceived greatness come off as the type who don't need cheerleaders because they've already got it all. No one needs to talk about these people because according to them they are all set – NOT!

So, remember, killer networkers truly seek to help others achieve their dreams and goals.

5. Keep your word

This is so important! The truth is this is not only the quickest and most effective way to grow your influence – not doing it is the quickest way to shrink your circle. All killer networkers know that it is imperative that they keep their word.

If you say that you are going to do something – do it. Don't over exaggerate your influence and be sure to under-promote and then over-deliver. When you keep your word, you deposit into the truest bank account. The more deposits you make the more willing others become to help you out when you need it. Again, the more trustworthy you are the more cheerleaders you are going to have and the faster your network explodes.

When you develop a circle of trust around you in your network; other people clamor to get into it. Your word is your bond – it means everything. If you can't keep your word, you might as well quit networking right now because all your efforts will be in futility.

Just think about how you feel when others don't deliver on what they say they will. Do you continue a fruitful relationship with such individuals or entities? Of course not – even on a second chance to make good, we move very cautiously.

So, keep your word and watch your network explode beyond your wildest dreams.

6. Stay in touch

One of the most important things you can do to maintain your network is to stay in touch on a regular basis. This takes effort and commitment and you must be willing to do it in order to yield the best results.

Killer networkers are masters at follow up and staying in touch. Often times they tend to call unexpectedly but somehow right at the most needed times. So often I call people where they say to me "Dean, I am so glad you called me today. I really needed to hear that."

Not only does that feel really great to hear that you were able to make somebody's day but also, people remember these moments forever. They never forget what you did.

For instance, one of my great mentors has a wife that suffered a heart attack and stroke. Of course this was an extremely difficult time for him. Now I don't know what his health plan is like but I do know it's the best of the best just because of whom he is and where he works.

With that said, I could just see the toll this was taking on him and I could only imagine what his wife was going through. I didn't really know if or how I could help him through this – I only know that I felt compelled to do something.

I didn't care about what he could and might do for me – I just really wanted to help. In that vein, I decided to send him an e-mail that outlined an alternative health care regimen for individuals who suffer heart attacks and strokes. It cost me nothing but a little time since I am a member of Natural Cures.com. I simply went to the website – looked up the info and sent it to him.

Needless to say, he has never forgotten this gesture nor do I think he ever will. The bottom line is he is one of my biggest cheerleaders and if I ever need anything at all, all I have to do is pick up the phone.

Now, you might think to yourself that this was a calculated move; however, authenticity is key in these situations. Our family truly does strive to live an organic, process-free life and we are constantly looking for alternative health regimens. What I sent to my mentor was literally a piece of my own life – it's how I care for my family.

The point is that regardless of what anyone might think – my gesture was genuine and he knows it. That is all that matters.

So, I realize that staying in touch and seeking to help could almost be one topic; however, it is important to understand that by staying in touch you get more chances to find genuine ways to help others. This is the quest of all killer networkers.

7. Ask for help

Of course, there is really no use having a vast network if you can't lean on them to help you achieve your own dreams and goals. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this.

It is only wrong when you use others to achieve your ends. In other words, if you only reach out to people for what they can do for you – that's called using. On the other hand, if you truly reach out to others to help them, there is no shame in asking for help when you need it.

As a matter of fact, all killer networkers understand one very crucial thing about networking – you can't do it alone. Independence only yields good results; however, the greatest results are achieved through collaboration – synergy.

There is nothing wrong with asking for help when you truly need it. Other people feel empowered and more confident when you seek out their help. You can do a lot for others in helping them achieve significant strides in their own personal growth by simply reaching out to them for help.

While you should never look outwardly for validation – it is always nice to be recognized for your true gifts and talents. When you ask others for help, it is another way of affirming their unique gifts. It is a great way to say that I appreciate you and I need your help to achieve my goals.

So, don't forget to ask for help when you truly need it – no one will be mad at you for that as long as you remain genuine.

Master these 7 steps and you will undoubtedly catapult your networking skills to heights unimagined. Killer Networkers know and practice these 7 religiously and the results they achieve are the proof in the pudding.

 

  

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Check Out the New Me!

Finally – a new look and I feel that I truly like!

I have been toying with this for a while now; just to give the website a much needed enhancement. This look is definitely more representative of the content and me. Well, at least that's what I think.

What about you?

I would love to hear what you think. After all, you have been supporting me in my journey with this blog and I wouldn't be here without YOU.

With that said, please leave a comment with your thoughts or send me an email. I would appreciate any feedback you have on the new look and feel of DLF.COM.

Thank you so much for the love and support.

 

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Life Without Limitations

You've probably heard the usual drivel about living life without limitations. And yes, you've probably also heard a good deal of useful information on the same; either way, it is not always easy to grasp or apply. In my experience, I have found that much of this information fail to put 2 very important elements into perspective.

In fact, I further believe that without having these 2 elements in the proper perspective; it will prove much more difficult to achieve your personal growth objectives and overcome limitations. This is why, I want to approach living a life without limitations from a totally different aspect; my goal is to help you understand and clarify the importance of the 2 elements often left out – Learning Styles and Our Views.

Preface

It can often be hard to truly believe in infinite possibilities; especially since most of our formative years are inundated by limiting conditioning. Even in most schools growing up, we are often taught that there are only but so many ways you can do something – many times you are led to believe there is in fact just one way to do most things.

To make matters worse, we are often provided only one way to learn even though it is a well-known fact that individuals learn differently. This is very important to understand before you can begin to grasp the mindset of a life without limitations.

What's your learning style?

There are in fact 3 learning styles:

1. Auditory – some people learn best and absorb information much more quickly by listening. These individuals excel whenever information is presented to them in this format which allows them to interpret what they hear in their own way. They learn best through lectures, discussions and debate.

    

2. Visual – other people grasp information much more quickly when they can see a demonstration or examples of what they are learning. It is important for the visual learner to be able to see what is happening in order to absorb the information fully. These individuals must be able to see expression and body language which helps them understand the information more thoroughly.

    

3. Kinesthetic – these types of learners have to get their hands in the mix. They need to be able to touch whatever it is that they are supposed to grasp in order to fully understand the information. They learn by touching, moving and doing; workshop and interactive presentations work best for these folks.

The importance of pointing out the different learning styles to help you further understand how limiting our conditioning can be just through growing up and schooling. As we move even further into adulthood, that narrow approach seems to get even narrower – for most people anyway.

In order to truly live a life without limitations, it is crucial that you not only understand what kind of learner you are but also how to truly change your mindset from one of limiting to one of abundance.

You see, one of the main reasons so many find it difficult to overcome challenges or to believe in infinite possibilities is because they do not understand how they learn best. When you do not understand what type of learner you are, goals move a lot farther away from you and become much more difficult to achieve. This of course leads to frustration and the "I can't" attitude that limits most of us.

With that said, the goal of this article is to help you understand that a life without limitations is indeed possible. You only have to believe it and then pay the price to discover what you need to do to manifest this in your life. Your personal growth will most certainly improve significantly and much more rapidly once you are able to grasp this concept.

Before you move on, you can choose to take a test to figure out what kind of learner you are.

Where to begin

Living a life without limitations begins with your level of belief in your abilities. The most important ability we all have is that of choice; it's important that you understand that all things are precipitated by choice. Either by yours or someone else's but nonetheless, our choices determine the results we ultimately achieve.

We have what we have and we are where we are because of the choices we've made. Whether you are aware of it or not or believe it or not – this is a universal principle – it is unbiased and unchanging.

Once you understand what type of learner you are then you will be much more equipped to deal with the second part of developing a limitless mindset. You will most certainly be a lot more effective in your pursuits and personal growth improvements than you would be otherwise.

SEE-FEEL-DO-GET

Removing personal growth and success limitations requires that you understand the "see-feel-do-get" concept. Essentially, the principle is this: how we SEE things, affects how we FEEL, which affects what we DO, which determines the results we ultimately GET.

You see, it is truly a changing of your mindset that is needed to remove limitations.

We all have conditioned beliefs that are based on our experiences – it is these experiences that fuel our level of awareness which directly affects how we see things. The way we see things always influence how we feel; for example:

Let's say that you have a best friend who has always been there for you no matter what. One day you find yourself in a financial bind and of course the first person you can think of from which to borrow money. When you approach your friend however, he/she not only says no but also begins to withdraw from you. Now you are left wondering what is wrong with your friend and even whether or not this is a true friend at all.

Based on your experience with this person, you see him/her as your best friend – one who is always there for you no matter what. With this new hiccup, you now begin to think differently; you might even consider that this person isn't a true friend.

Let's look at it another way…

What if you knew in advance that your best friend had been burned twice before by friends that he/she thought were true friends? He/she loaned money in the past and it created negative relationships between them. Would that piece of information not make you think differently? You may even consider not even asking your best friend for money knowing what his/her past experience has been – right?

This is an oversimplified analogy perhaps; however, I think it gets the point across. This is why the way we SEE a particular situation will always affect how we FEEL about it.

Once you check your feelings; what you do will always follow in like form. For instance in the example above, you might begin to reconsider your friendship with this person due to their actions and how it made you feel. Of course, you would feel differently if you had the information about your best friends past which would cause you to DO something totally different.

And of course, depending on what you DO, what you GET will be a direct result of your choice in action. On the one hand, you could end up ending a friendship and on the other; you may develop a deeper understanding of each other and even become closer.

As it pertains to developing the mindset in order to live a life without limitations, you must be able to change first the way you SEE things. The point is that there is always an answer to overcoming any challenge you might face. This is where the most difficult blockage lies for most – the belief that you are unable to change the way you view yourself and the world around you.

If you think deeply about this, you will see that it is downright asinine to perpetuate this belief even one second longer. I mean think about it…

Refusing to believe you can change the way you SEE something is like saying that you will continue to believe the same thing on Wednesday as you did on Monday no matter what happened on Tuesday.

Really?

Man hits himself on his thumb with a hammer on Monday and goes to the doctor on Tuesday; he says "Doc, my thumb hurts badly." Doc says "why does your thumb hurt so badly?" Man says, "I keep hitting it with a hammer." Doc says, "Ok, take two of these pills and please stop hitting your thumb with a hammer."

Man comes back on Wednesday and says "Hey doc, my thumb hurts again – can you give me two more pills please?" Doc says, "Sure, but please tell me why your thumb hurts this time?" Man says, "Doc, I keep hitting it with a hammer." Doc says, "I can give you two more pills for your pain symptoms; however, it won't cure your problem." Man says, "Doc I don't understand, what is my problem?" "Well", said the doc as he hits the man on his thumb with a hammer, "I've got no pills to cure stupidity!"

Are you getting the picture here? We all have the power to change the way we SEE any situation; especially when you are aware of the obstacle or the problem. The truth is that as your level of awareness increases, it becomes easier to see other possibilities. For some of us (most), it sadly does not seem to work this way.

Once you are able to change the way you SEE things, how you FEEL, what you DO and the results you GET will also change to mirror your view.

Life Without Limitations

What does this have to do with living a life without limitations?

It's SIMPLE – once you begin to truly believe that you have the ability to change the way you SEE things, believing in limitless possibilities becomes a lot easier. You see, it all boils down to how you see yourself and the world around you. If you can truly believe that no matter what the situation, there is always an answer, then you can begin to live a life without limitations.

As you continue to change the way you SEE things to ultimately affect the results you desire, possibilities will be endless.

You know, one of the most incredible discoveries I have ever come across is how freeing it is when you allow your spirit – your conscience – to guide your choices. Rather than simply appeasing your physical circumstance, lead with the spirit and allow the heart, mind and body to follow.

Leading with the spirit fosters the belief in limitless possibilities. Everything is first spiritual before it is manifested in the physical world.

Living a life without limitations essentially means that you embrace and believe in the following:

All things are possible; you can always change the way you see things and that you have the ability to choose your own destiny.

 

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Mastering the Art of Conflict Resolution

In so many places around the globe conflict simultaneously corrode societies, divide people and in many cases define nations. It can be heartbreaking to see the misery and pain that these conflicts cause but even sadder are the day-to-day conflicts we face in our own little world.

Whether among family, friends or co-workers, I believe that we’ve all had to face conflict with someone else. While this article will not address conflict on world scale, it will present you with some insight on how to effectively resolve conflicts that you face in your life. The fact is that change begins with you and I do believe that the most effective way to change the world is one person at a time.

As one of my mentors always asks, “How do you eat an elephant?” To which the answer is always “One bite at a time.”

The Art of Conflict Resolution is grounded in natural laws – correct principles that hold true no matter what situation you face. They are simple in concept and they always work; however, they are not always easy to put into practice.

Following are 5 practices that will most certainly help you to become more effective at resolving conflicts you face no matter with whom. When these practices become habits, you will become a person of solution rather than conflict.

#1 – Accept the truth

One of the first things you must be willing to do is to accept all truths relating to and about the conflict you face. If you do not accept the truth, no solution you come up with will be a win/win because it will have been based on a false foundation.

Firstly, you must accept the truth about yourself. You must be willing to take an honest look at yourself and decipher what you might have done to create and/or escalate the conflict. If for whatever reason, you honestly don’t know what you have done then you must simply accept the possibility and probability that in all likelihood, you have done something that help to create and/or escalate the conflict. The fact that you may be unaware of what that is exactly is irrelevant – you only have to accept the possibility.

Secondly, you must also accept the truth about the other party to your conflict. Be honest about what he/she/they might have done to rub you the wrong way. Although difficult, you must also accept the possibility that he/she/they do not know that they have offended you in any way. In fact, this is often the case in most day-to-day conflicts; the parties are usually unaware of what really created or escalated it. They make many assumptions; however, once the truth comes out, the picture often looks quite different.

Thirdly, you must accept the truth of your situation. Can your situation truly improve without resolving this conflict? Will you be ok emotionally if this conflict continues? The more protracted the conflict, the harder it will be to get to the bottom of it.

It is important for you to accept the truth that unless you resolve this conflict as quickly as possible, you will be unable to move on with peace of mind.

If you can accept these truths and possibilities, you will be off to a great start.

#2 – Accept inevitable change

Change is a constant – it is an undeniable principle and yet so many of us refuse to do it even when all the evidence tells us it is the best course of action. The fact is that change is inevitable whether we are willing to accept it or not – it will happen with or without us. The only question you need to ask when things change is, “Will it be more valuable for all involved if I change too or if I stay my course?”

When it comes to conflict resolution; the fact that you have a conflict in the first place already tells you that any solution will involve change. In this vein, you must be willing to accept the fact that you may have to change some of the things you are doing in order for the situation to get better and ultimately succeed.

It is utterly useless talking to a party you have a conflict with about a resolution if you are unwilling to change your position or behavior. In fact, if you truly seek the best solution, you must be willing to see the world from the other party’s point of view. Unless you seek that “ah-ha” moment, it will be a much more arduous road to a resolution.

Change is inevitable, accept it otherwise your conflict will most certainly continue.

#3 – Accept no triangulation

One of the first, and most dangerous, things that many people do when they have a conflict with another is to involve a third party without consent. This almost always sends an already bad situation spiraling out of control into an abyss of confusion, blaming and dismay. I am hard-pressed to think of one situation where a conflict was successfully resolved by one party going behind another party’s back to involve a third party.

This is especially true when the third party you call on is of higher formal authority than the other party with which you have the conflict. You know what I mean – “I don’t like what you’re doing so I go tell your boss” kind of thing.

The best avenue to pursue when attempting to resolve a conflict is a direct one. Go directly to the source and keep the situation only between the conflicting parties. There are only 2 times when it is ok to triangulate a situation.

The first is when both conflicting parties agree that they need a mediator to help them resolve their issues. In that case both parties would consent and also agree on who the third party should be. This way, there are no surprises and no one feels ambushed.

The second is when one party refuses to participate in finding a resolution and in order to move on; your role requires that you inform others. For instance, in the case of a job, you may have a conflict with someone that is unwilling to talk or budge from his/her position thereby creating a roadblock. In this case it is totally fine to involve a third party as long as you inform the other party of your intent to do so. This way, again, there are no surprises and no one feels ambushed.

Aside from these 2 examples where triangulation is necessary and above board, in any other form it only serves to widen the void that the situation has created in the first place. Nothing good can come of any situation if one party feels betrayed or belittled. This course only makes the situation worse and moves you many more miles away from a true resolution.

#4 – Accept only win/win resolutions

In resolving conflicts, it is important that both sides come away feeling great about where you end up. If one side comes away feeling ok and the other feeling great – this, in my opinion and experience, is definitely not ok.

One of the biggest mistakes people make when it comes to negotiation or resolving conflicts is that they compromise or worse – they accept a win for one side and a loss for the other. Nothing fuels resentment more that this type of thinking and method of problem solving.

In conflict resolution, it is important to go in genuinely seeking a win/win resolution. You must endeavor to have both parties come away from the situation feeling great about where you end up. In fact, the best resolutions are the ones where both parties are able to come up with a resolution that is better than what either side proposed in the first place. Sure, it takes patience and commitment; however, it is much better in the long run and success is virtually guaranteed when you work in this mindset.

If you truly wish to resolve the conflicts you face and have them stay resolved, seeking win/win resolutions is the only way to do that. If one party feels slighted, it will eventually come back to haunt you and then you will have to do this dance all over again. If you can accept that the pinnacle of excellence comes from synergy, it will be much easier for you to seek nothing but win/win resolutions in all your conflicts.

#5 – Accept the possibility of impasse

This is by far, I believe, the hardest thing to do when it comes to conflict resolution. More often than not, it is difficult to walk away – even more so – the possibility is not even a consideration.

This is especially true when you have other entities of authority involved such as a corporate one where you are not the one charged with the responsibility of making the call to walk away from a situation that isn’t working.

The truth is though that this practice is a very powerful habit to develop. Even if you work in a corporate environment, you can still exercise this practice by simply going on record with your position.

Here it is in a nutshell…

When you find yourself in a conflict with no available solution that creates a win/win outcome, you must be willing to walk away without injury, resentment or malice. In this case you simply state that your truest wish was that you could come to a win/win resolution; however since it appears that you are unable to do so together at this time, the best avenue to pursue is to walk away. Who knows? Perhaps you can come together again at a future date in another endeavor.

The point is that when you treat the other party with this high level of respect and authenticity, you not only gain their trust but also preserve the relationship. In most cases, when you deal with an impasse in this manner, future endeavors become a lot easier to execute and the relationship grows stronger.

If you are in a situation where you are not the person who makes the decision to walk away, you can exercise this practice by stating your position but that you are willing to go along with the resolution in the best interest of your team. As long as the resolution does not violate your core values or diminish the value you bring to the table, do what you need to do to collect your paycheck.

This is a personal choice and I would not presume to tell anyone how to deal with it. If you can afford the luxury, you can also opt off a project that is not going down the road of win/win. In my experience, even in a corporate setting, I have found that you gain more respect and trust from your peers and superiors when you step up to the plate in this way.

In my view, when it comes to conflict resolution, it’s either win/win or walk away. We can come back to the table at a later date with other ideas on how to resolve this conflict or with a brand new project.

But hey – who cares what I think – right?

If you can turn these 5 practices into habits, you will master the Art of Conflict Resolution.

Happy resolving!

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The Myth of Balance

There are so many of us, myself included, who have sought to bring “Balance” to our lives. For a long time, I made it a priority to find it and apply it to my life in an effort to reach total equilibrium.

During my pursuit, I learned some tough lessons and suffered some major setbacks. Through it all, I admit although I have certainly been frustrated, I truly have no regrets. In fact, it is exactly the opposite. I feel relieved and excited about what I am going to share with you in this article.

As I sought to find Balance and failed countless times, I began to realize something incredible. Although I have never quite found what I was looking for, I have succeeded at many of the things that are most important to me. In reminiscing about all of this – it finally hit me.

Balance is a MYTH! At least for what most of us believe to be balance.

For the sake of clarity, let’s define exactly what I am talking about. Balance in this case means that you live in a space where all things in your life receive focused attention without pulling necessary energies from one to serve the other. It means that no part of your life suffers shortfalls because you have found the place of equilibrium that holds it all together seamlessly.

Again, I say, this form of Balance is an absolute myth.

The truth is that in order for you to achieve your ultimate goals, there are things in your life that will not receive the level of energy that it takes to move them or make them impactful in your life. This is not to say that they will never receive it – it just means that at different times in your life there are things that take precedence while others take the back burner.

There is no such thing as balance where all things in your life function harmoniously in equal standing. In fact, if that were to happen, I think that your life would be pretty mediocre.

Let me explain…

When all things in your life receive equal energy, there are no priorities; nothing is more important or less important and therefore what you receive in return for your efforts will mirror that value system – that level of energy.

Truly successful individuals though think differently about balance. Instead of simply trying to make the scale sit evenly on both sides, they choose where to place things and how far to tilt the scale in order to achieve their ultimate goals.

Essentially, balance is not a “one size fits all” kind of deal; it is more like “different strokes for different folks.”

Following are 3 habits of truly successful individuals that can help you achieve the right level of balance in your life.

1.   Prioritize

All truly successful individuals are masters of prioritization. They prioritize their day, week, month, and year – life. Nothing is an accident; every step is part of a deliberate plan.

It is important that you know what things are most important to you and make them a priority in your life. This way, when you set your goals, you can make sure to consider your top priorities as you choose your next steps.

Prioritization helps you to stay focused – it keeps you on track so that your eye remains on the ball. The main reason for prioritizing your actions is so that you know where to spend your energy. When you do not prioritize, you will most often find that your thoughts are more scattered and your actions more frantic. This almost always leads to frustration and half-assed results.

2.    Put First Things First

The other habit that truly successful individuals have is that they put first things first. In other words, they understand what is most important in their lives and they consider those things in all decisions that they make.

For instance, if your family is important to you, there is no way that you should make any life-changing decisions without considering them and/or consulting them. If family is first you have to put them first – you must treat them as such.

It is equally crucial that in putting first things first that you do not put the wrong things first. Many people make a lot of their choices in the paramount pursuit of the almighty dollar. In the process, many lose their families, their value system and ruin relationships along the way.

At the end of the day, you must ask yourself, “is what I am doing really worth it?” if your answer is yes – I say continue; however, if your answer is no, change what you are doing.

When you put first things first, it means making sure that you consider the impact that your choices might have on those people and things that are most important to you. It means doing what is necessary to keep those people and things progressing in harmony so that you can be more effective in the other areas of your life.

Simply put, when my wife and I are at odds, it is harder to sleep; many things fall out of sync and almost nothing is normal until we have rectified the problem. This is because our relationship is important to us and we are important to each other. The health of our relationship is of high priority in our lives and that’s why we put it first.

3.    Execute Around Priorities

A major hiccup that often happens even though you set priorities comes in Execution. Basically, you might end up doing other things that you hadn’t planned on doing and in many cases these secondary things cause you to get sidetracked from your priorities.

We are all guilty of this at times – I am sure; however, it is important that you are aware of it when it is happening and get back on track. Setting priorities and putting first things first requires that you now act accordingly. Truly successful individuals choose actions that either enhances or that do not deviate from their priorities.

In other words, if you planned to spend an evening at home watching movies with the family and your best friend suddenly invites you to your favorite team’s game, you must choose your next step wisely. If family time is something that is at the top of your priority list, it is important that you keep your commitment to your family. Breaking your commitments will only lead to disharmony and frustration.

Of course, there are times when you can get many other things done in between acting on your priorities. This is ok – in fact it is encouraged so long as you are not infringing on time or stealing energy from those first things.

Sometimes, the choice is even harder especially when it comes to your career. For instance, it is your daughter’s first ballet recital and as you dash from the office, your boss hits you with an important request. Accommodating your boss’ request could yield you major brownie points – it may even develop into a long overdue promotion. It’s very tempting; however, you have to now consider how important your presence is at your daughter’s first ballet recital. I know I wouldn’t want any of my daughters mad at me.

What do you do? It’s a tough one, isn’t it?

My suggestion is that whatever you decide to do, do it with a clean heart. In other words, don’t simply appease your boss to save your ass and don’t appease your daughter just because she might be mad at you.

If staying at work is more important to the family’s overall goals and you have a lot of respect for your boss who has integrity, you may choose to stay at work and finish the project. Believe me, as long as you are honest with your daughter and you truly believe that you are doing the right thing, she will forgive you – eventually.  

If you choose to leave work and go to your daughter’s play, make sure that you are doing so because you truly believe that it’s the right thing to do and do it with a clean heart. If your boss is of good character and you are honest, I believe that he/she would understand.

Of course, while this may be a simple concept to grasp, a very wise man once said – “SIMPLE isn’t always EASY!” I get it and I do not suggest that you go batty on your boss or your daughter just yet. One of the most crucial elements in making good decisions is that you understand and know that you can live happily with the consequences of the choices you make. Do what is true for you and learn to live with the consequences.

If you truly want to achieve balance in your life, stop trying to equalize the scale and begin equalizing your level of energy with your ultimate goals.

 

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Growth by Design

Truly successful individuals do not believe in succeeding by accident. They set goals and take deliberate steps to achieve them. Instead of growing simply by default, truly successful individuals grow by design.

It’s a simple concept; however, as one great man once said and I heard, “SIMPLE isn’t always EASY!”

He is so right. When it comes to principles – natural laws – they are truly simple concepts that anyone can grasp. The problem that most of us face when it comes to living true to principles is that it’s not always easy. When emotions take hold or fears set in, choosing to make principle-centered decisions often becomes harder.

Sure, I understand that not every decision we make will come from a principle-centered place; however, truly successful individuals make most of their decisions from that place. Especially when it comes to progressive and life-changing choices, it is important for us to make sure that we’re the ones driving the bus.

Growth by Design simply means that you are proactive in the choices you make; that you take full responsibility for your own personal growth and the success you achieve. It says that you have a program and that you are the programmer. Your choices are based on your core values and the true principles by which you abide and live your life.

Following are 3 elements that are crucial in the thought process of truly successful individuals that understand what it means to grow by design instead of by default as the majority of people do.

Choice over Have to

Truly successful individuals understand that all thoughts and actions are precipitated by Choice. They do not believe in the “have to” in any given situation. The fact is that choice is the ultimate power. Choice is the difference between the cards you are dealt versus the cards you play; you can change your hand.

By making choices that serve your desired results, you can change the things in your life that you don’t like. Too many people – and I mean people you might consider brilliant – succumb to the whims of society and peer pressures. When your choices are made from within and they are in line with your core values, you are much more likely to not only achieve the results you desire, but also be a lot happier with you.

Everyone has the ability to choose his/her own destiny. It doesn’t matter where you are from or who your parents are – it is about whom you are and where you want to be. Truly successful individuals understand this all too and therefore make the best choices to improve their personal growth and success.

Victor over Victim

This is unfortunately a common mindset among individuals. All too often we become consumed and sometimes even morbidly content with playing the victim.

My wife puts it this way…

“Victims will always ask why me while victors will always ask why not.”

Now that is a powerfully true statement. Truly successful individuals do not believe in victimizing themselves; they are the victors in every situation even when their plans fail. They are victors because they learn from every experience – they excel at moving forward. It is important to understand that you are 100% responsible for the results you achieve in your life.

The common problem I have found in my experience is that it’s so easy to blame others and situations for our lot in life. The thing is that each time we do that, we victimize ourselves just a little bit more. Whenever we start believing that the problem is out there – that is the very problem.

The goal is to start with ourselves; when we fix ourselves, everything else tends to fall into place. Ever notice how victims like throwing pity parties even though not many people come and certainly no one brings any presents.

I get it… sometimes we get down and we want to vent or blow off some steam. Ok, so vent, blow off some steam but once you’re done, get up – dust yourself off and start pursuing your goals and dreams again with fervor. Once you start saying and believing that a setback or other people are the reasons you are not achieving your goals, you invite stagnation into your life and you become a pathetic victim.

It may be tough to hear; however, if you look inside yourself, I am confident that you will see that it is the undeniable truth.  

Change over Status Quo

Change is a constant – it is inevitable while status quo is man-made and therefore not inevitable. This is something that truly successful people understand all too well.

Too many of us spend way too much time maintaining the status quo as opposed to seeking out, creating and embracing positive and progressive change. Unless you change, you cannot grow; if you are not growing you will find that it is impossible to achieve success.

Instead of simply waiting on things to happen, truly successful individuals choose to make things happen. They create solutions to problems as opposed to simply identifying problems with no offer of solutions. When what you are doing isn’t working, you must endeavor to change it; find a way to be more effective and/or efficient.

This element is a major difference between managers and leaders. While managers chop their way through the bushes trying desperately to clear a path, leaders climb to the tallest tree top overlooking the jungle to see if there is a better way.

As one quote puts it…

“Mangers do things right; leaders do the right things.”

You see, the ultimate goal of a manager is to make sure that things are executed according to the process and procedure defined. It doesn’t much matter if it’s not the best process or the most efficient procedure – they simply want to get it done at all cost. Leaders on the other hand understand that processes and procedures are just guides and that there is always room for improvement. When leaders find a new and better way to do things, they will do everything they can to implement it – they smash the status quo.

There are so many aspects to Growth by Design that we could talk about; however, the goal of this article is to set you up with the right mindset. It is meant to raise your awareness to the fact that you are responsible for your own personal growth and success.

The only question that remains is…

Are you creating your own destiny or are you living someone else’s?

Victor or Victim – you decide.

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When It All Falls Down

Often times when we have recurring unpleasant instances in our lives, it is usually easier to blame others and/or circumstances for our plight. Sometimes it doesn’t even matter that we know it’s not true, we continue to repeat the same patterns and expect different results.

I have counseled and talked with so many individuals who fall victim to this type of thinking over and over again. While there are many habits, techniques and success principles you can learn, discover and adapt to achieve your goals, it’s not always easy to see what is corroding your path.

The focus of my blog is about making the conscious choice to take responsibility for your own personal growth so that you can achieve your dreams and goals. With that in mind, you will find many articles that speak to many different aspects of personal growth and how you can profoundly and positively impact your life.

What is often missing and/or missed though is the realization of the types of occurrences that corrode our lives and the world at large.

By no means am I attempting to be self-righteous; however, I heard something recently that I must share with you. It goes to the core of what it means to truly have significance – make a difference and contribute to the world.

Ok, back to earth before I go on…

Mahatma Gandhi is certainly one of the most influential individuals that ever lived. He is responsible for the ushering in of an independent Indian nation in 1947. Gandhi said and did many great things in his life; however, there is one expression of principles he shared that I feel compelled to share with you.

Essentially, Gandhi believed that when the following 6 states exist, a society, a nation and even a person will break down. After hearing what he shared in these 6 states, I must say that I too agree. Of course, all the states may not exist in your life at the same time; however, it is important to understand how they might apply to your life.

Following are 6 states that when existing individually or in combination can cause significant break down in society, a nation and in an individual.

1.   Wealth without Work

There is of course nothing wrong with wealth; however, how it is acquired makes a big difference. In virtually every case, you will find that wealth that is not earned is either squandered or used for ill and selfish reasons.

When you acquire wealth for which you put in no work, your level of appreciation is almost non-existent. Especially for those who inherit great wealth, it is important to understand the meaning of work. To have things simply handed to you on a silver platter only creates a sense of entitlement and not empowerment.

The work in wealth is where you learn how to use that wealth to create and distribute value to the world. Without work, your wealth means nothing and will probably serve no one but yourself.

2.    Pleasure without Conscience

This is an easy one to fall victim to; I think that most of us have – I know I have. While there are degrees of selfish pleasure, the fact is that without conscience it becomes harmful fun.

Yes, I know it might be hard to swallow; however, it is undeniable. Any fun you have at the expense or pain of others is destructive. Some cases may be milder than others but nonetheless, it is a damaging act. Doing things just because they feel good regardless of injury to others can sometimes do irreparable harm.

It is far better to be true to whom you are, keep your word and have a clear conscience.

3.    Knowledge without Character

So much of what we put in to the measure of people is about formal authority even though the most important authority is moral authority. What good is what you know if you are not a person of good moral stature?

There is nothing wrong with knowledge; however, how you use it is crucial. If you are not using your knowledge to create value in the lives of others – to help others – to uplift, empower and encourage, then you are just an egomaniacal windbag.

I believe that a person’s character is far more important that his/her level of knowledge because if your intentions are anything other than good, knowledge only makes you dangerous. Knowledge is powerful and with great power comes great responsibility. Spider-man isn’t the only one who needs this lesson.

The fact is that people don’t care what you know until they know that you care. In order to truly care about others, you need to have strong moral character.

4.    Commerce without Morality

Most of us have probably seen this at some point in our lives. So much of the corrosion in business comes from people trying to get over on other people; cutting corners and trying to do as little as possible while expecting as much as possible.

Too often we have partners cheating partners or vendors cheating customers. Eventually what you get is the old cliché of “no honor among thieves.” How can there be honor where deception exists?

The pinnacle of excellence in commerce is not for one group to be rich and the other poor but rather for all to prosper. A friend once said to me that the world is not big enough to be ideal to which I replied “my friend, the truth is that man’s ideals are not big enough for the world.” There is more than enough to go around – we have only to create it.

5. Science without Humanity

We have had so many wonderful technological breakthroughs just in my lifetime alone; however, unless they are used for the betterment of humanity, they are indeed worthless. Science is not better than man; in fact, without man, science remains dormant. Isn’t it ironic that man can make such scientific progress and then allow their very achievements to be used in ways that destroy themselves?

I mean seriously, without humanity, science is just Dr. Frankenstein on steroids. Science serves no truly worthwhile purpose if it hurts humanity. It must be used in humane ways or else the very purpose of it is utterly defeated.

To understand this better, I offer this analogy:

The idea of cloning continues to be a controversial topic especially when you look at the reasons for desiring the practice. For instance, if you cloned a human being only for the sake of harvesting the organs to save another person’s life, that is inhumane. Once you’ve cloned someone, that clone becomes a living person with feelings and freedoms that we all enjoy.

On the other hand, if you simply cloned a heart so that you can implant it into someone who needed one, that is humane. No one died but someone can be saved. In my view, this would be science with humanity.

6.    Worship without Sacrifice

Whether it is your religion, your values or your way of life, if you aren’t willing to pay the price to maintain it – it means absolutely nothing.

There can be no true worship without sacrifice. By worship, it does not only refer to religious beliefs but also to your value system. No matter how much you claim to believe in or stand for something, if you falter at the first sign of adversity, you’re just living in a house of cards.

You have to be willing to stand on your beliefs – your values – your way of life even when you stand alone. True worship is in the sacrifices that you are willing to make because you believe deeply in its worth. The very definition of worship means devotion, respect and reverence. To fold when the going gets tough is to show disrespect and irreverence to what you claim to believe in and stand for.

Remember these 6 states now that you are aware of them and endeavor to make sure that they are not at play in your life. The results you achieve in your personal growth and success will be significantly increased the more you can minimize these occurrences.

From experience I can tell you that it is at the times that I have minimized these 6 states that I have seen the greatest success in my personal and business relationships. Conversely, it is at the times that I was not aware one or a combination of these was at play in my life that I have seen my most lack-luster failures.

Obviously no one is perfect; however, striving to minimize these occurrences in your life will undoubtedly bring about profound and positive changes in your personal growth and success.

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The 5 Levels of Initiative

Initiative is one of those words that is thrown around very loosely without any real understanding or meaning behind it – at least – in my experience. You may often hear one person telling another “you never take any initiative” or simply asking “Why don’t you take some initiative?”

The truth is that we all take initiative; the difference is usually in degree or levels and not so much the act. It is important that you understand initiative on all its levels so that you can bring real meaning to your actions. In so doing, you will be able to better access and accept the consequences of your actions.

Often times I talk to individuals whom can’t seem to grasp the consequences of their actions and in many of those cases, they are complete unaware of what or how their degree of initiative affected the situation.

You see, there are in fact 5 levels of initiative. At which level you choose to act in any given situation will be determined by your level of commitment and the importance of what you seek to do. Of course if you are neither aware of your commitment level nor the importance of your actions – you will certainly not know at what level you should initiate.

The goal of this article is to help you understand the following 5 levels of initiative so that you are more aware of your actions in any given situation.

1.   Wait until told

This of course is the absolute lowest form of initiative. What is even scarier is that this is where most people operate for all the action in their lives aside from the routine of brushing teeth and changing underwear.

Think about your own workplace…

How often have you heard some say something to the effect of “Nobody told me to do that”, or “That’s not part of my job.” We hear these types of statements constantly. We hear them even in the face of something that needs doing yet no one will take action unless someone tells them to.

In my experience, this level of initiative almost never yields any worthwhile results and it certainly does not create greatness in anyone or any project. If we were to look at the levels of initiative as a food chain, you’d be eaten alive the moment you were born if you lived on this end of the totem pole.

2.    Present and seek consensus

The next level of initiative is to present your case and seek consensus. This is most effective when you are working with a group of people. Depending on the action you want to take, it might go over a lot better if you seek consensus from your teammates. Chances are that they will go along with your plan if you are able to make them see that it will help to achieve the group’s desired result.

On the other hand, some people take this route in an effort to cover their ass. They want to make sure that if the plan fails they can say that everyone agreed with the plan so it is everyone’s fault that the plan failed.

This type of behavior is prevalent in Corporate America; everyone is most often taking initiative but always from a standpoint of covering their asses.

This level of initiative is appropriate as long as the reason for taking it is in the best interest of your team.

3.    Ask for permission

Sometimes, initiative just requires you to ask for permission. Often times, people don’t make a move and also don’t bother to find out whether or not they can make a move. Especially if the action required isn’t part of the original plan – many times people fail to simply ask for permission.

In my experience, I have found that in many cases when you simply ask for permission, it is often granted. This is almost always true when what you are seeking to do brings value to the person from whom you seek permission to act.

Although on its face this level of initiative seems easy to take, most people do not do it. They fear the response they might get; they assume they know what others will say or they doubt themselves so much that they would rather not ask.

The worst fear of people is public humiliation and if they believe that asking permission might bring about such an event, they will not ask.

I say ask away.

If you know that what you seek to do is not only important but will bring value to others, especially to the person from whom you seek permission – I say ask away. Don’t fear the response you might get – just think about the negative consequences that might occur if you don’t at least ask permission to take an important action.

Asking permission works best when the action you seek to take is out of the scope of the original plans and when the act might be intrusive to others while they are unaware of the reason.

4.    Act now and beg forgiveness later

The next level of initiative is to act first and beg forgiveness later. Most people won’t even come close to doing this for fear of the consequences.

This level of initiative takes tremendous confidence and courage. Additionally, it is important to feel in your heart of hearts that you are doing the right thing.

To act first requires that unless you simply take action, you might miss the window of opportunity to make a difference. In other words, if you were to wait to seek permission or get consensus, it would create a situation where it is too late to act.

As long as the action you seek to take will create value for yourself or others and you truly believe that it is better to act first and then beg forgiveness later, I say go for it. If your intentions are pure, there is no reason not to risk it – at least in my view.

Most people are afraid to do this because they don’t want to deal with the backlash if what they attempt doesn’t work or turns out to be an act that yields nothing. People who take this level of initiative are usually confident and believe in their heart of hearts that they are doing the right thing.

5. Just do it

This is the highest level of initiative and it is the hardest one to get to. This is the reason why most New Year’s resolutions fail miserably and why people almost never get the promotion they keep complaining that they never get.

Like Nike – most people are afraid to just do it. The fact is that there comes a time when you have to stop taking and make a move. Too many opportunities are missed because of too much talking, too much planning, and too much thinking… just too much. Sometimes all that is required is action – one act begets another which begets another until you reach your goal.

This level of initiative is never going to be comfortable – EVER! It requires you to constantly step out of your comfort zone; however, it almost always yields levels of growth you cannot even imagine. If you consistently wait for this and wait for that, you shouldn’t sit around wondering why life is passing you by. It’s no secret that it’s because you aren’t doing anything about it. Take some INITIATIVE.  

The “just do it” level of initiative works best for making changes in your life. It is the example you set for others to follow. It is the point at which you admit your fear and courageously act anyway in an effort to take right action.

This level of initiative might also apply when in a group setting where no one in the group is making a move that gets you closer to the desired result. Sometimes, even teams do not improve until someone confidently and courageously makes a move.

Sometimes, you just have to do it and live with the consequences of your actions.

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What I Learned While on Hiatus

The posting of this article marks 45 days since I went on what I am calling a hiatus from my blog. It wasn’t a planned leave; it was more like a function of what state my personal and professional life were in at the time. I wouldn’t say I was forced to take a leave of absence; however, I would definitely say I needed some thinking space.

The beauty of my hiatus is that I had no clue that I would learn so much from being absent from one of my favorite things. I absolutely love writing for this blog; I truly enjoy the responses I get about how my work impacts you. When I hear that I have added value to your life because of what I write, it fills me with hope and drive to continue.

With that said, that same fuel was derailing me in other areas; I was on a feverish pace to churn out great content regularly. If you are a regular reader of my blog, then you know that I normally post about 8-10 articles a month. It turns out that this pace was getting a bit overwhelming for me largely due to my other obligations I was starting to neglect in the name of fueling my blog.

Undoubtedly, it was worth it – at least for the short run because with your support I have been able to build up a pretty good following. On the other hand, as long as I was creating and distributing value to others, I am sure that would have happened eventually anyway so it might have served be better to strike a good balance. Well, no use crying over spilled milk so let’s move on – shall we?

The incredible thing about my leave – my hiatus – is that I learned so much. I was able to observe people and the world from different perspectives. I didn’t realize how one-track minded I had become in publishing article after article without looking out the window. Once I did, I discovered a whole new world and even had an epiphany about my own situation of experiencing a bit of burn-out.

You see, publishing at the pace I was going caused some other areas of my personal and professional life to suffer. In some ways I thought that I had to keep going in order to build a solid base and I was even afraid of letting up because I thought that my following might diminish.

You know what? My following has actually increased significantly in the past 45 days – more visits and more page views. For that I truly thank you!

That in and of itself was an eye-opening lesson for me. The fact is that if my blog has valuable content, people will read it. Furthermore, I have over 5 dozen articles in my archives so unless you’re sitting at your PC for about 5-10 hours straight, you couldn’t even put a dent in this small library let alone retain or put into practice what you’ve read. The whole point is that there is more than enough content on the site to keep readers busy for 45 days.

With that said, it doesn’t mean that I don’t constantly need to publish new content – it just means that I am able to find more of a balance among all my obligations while still ensuring that the work I do on my blog is valuable and worthwhile.

While on hiatus, I discovered that I need to re-evaluate my focus and implement 3 elements into my daily life – I need to make these habits.

1.   Organization

It may not have seemed that way from the outside; however, I learned that in many ways I was extremely disorganized. From my observation of others, I realized how disorganized I was. When things are in disarray, it can quickly lead to imbalance and tip the scale in ways that are counter-productive to your desires.

What was most interesting was that I learned that although I was usually an organized person as it pertains to my physical spaces; my thoughts weren’t always. This is where my major problem lies – it was an incredible discovery. What’s more, I instantly felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders the moment that the realization hit me.

The fact is that if I want to bring balance back to my life, I have to get organized – both physically and mentally. Basically, it is when your dreams are manifesting at a momentous pace that your thoughts can become more disorganized very quickly. Well, I won’t confess anyone else’s sins – perhaps this only applies to me.    

Essentially, I learned that in order for me to move to the next phase of my journey, I have to clean house and do some mental organization. I have to refocus my thoughts and practice to tune out the unimportant ones. This way, I won’t lose sight of what is most important to me.

2.    Prioritization

I know that priority is very important when pursuing your goals and I thought I was consistent with this practice. Once again, I had a rude awakening to my own failing in this area.

Once I took off running with publishing for my blog, my focus became too narrow. It became so narrow that I lost track of the other priorities in my life. In fact, my blog became the PRIORITY.

Of course other things mattered a great deal to me; however, I had stopped checking in regularly with my blueprint thus, prioritization went out the window. In pursuit of our goals we must remember to create an action plan in order of how we will execute and then do so consistently. It is also extremely crucial to check in regularly with your action plan just to make sure that you are on your game.

The whole point of prioritization is so that you do not lose track of what is most important to you. Once you decide what those things are, your action plan is built around those so that you can accommodate them accordingly.

Again, from the outside looking in, it may seem like I was on my game as far as prioritizing; however, if you knew exactly what I considered to be the most important things to me – you’d have thought differently.

During my hiatus, I noticed so many levels of chaos and disarray in the lives of others. Some of which are people that unless you look closely, you might automatically think that they have it all together. I can tell you for sure that this is not always so.

Although prioritization was more of a refresher for me – it was definitely needed because I had lost sight of how important it is to not only prioritize but check in on your priorities. It is important to make sure that you are putting first things first and then executing around them accordingly.

3.    Execution

This goes hand in hand with the other 2 eye-openers; it was more of a natural progression of my discoveries during my hiatus. The most significant take-away to note is that I learned that you can be very good at execution while still not executing the right things in the right order which means you won’t get the results you truly desire.

Wow! That was BIG for me.

Certainly, once I get going I am pretty efficient at executing especially when I truly love what I am doing; however, without organization and prioritization, you’ll soon find that you’re executing the wrong tasks in the wrong order and at the wrong time. This can really throw a monkey wrench in your plans – the price can be steep depending on your circumstance.

From observing others, I saw the consequences of both sides. There were some individuals that were like machines in how they executed a well-thought out plan. In other cases I saw how badly things can go when you’re busy executing wrong tasks in the wrong order at the wrong times.

The biggest “a-ha” for me on execution was that it can actually become a vice; some people will actually deliberately seek out unimportant tasks to execute so that they can justify ignoring more important and more difficult tasks. It’s something I knew within me but to see it manifest within the lives of others really drove it home.

My goal is to make sure that I strive to be habitual is Organization and Prioritization which will in turn ensure that I am Executing the right tasks in the right order at the right times. I truly encourage you to do the same.

This Hiatus is now over – the journey back to regular postings begin; however, I will be sure to check in on the blueprint more often.

I truly hope that this article helps bring some kind of balance to your life – remember – you are not alone. There is always an answer; you only need the will and courage to seek it.

Here’s a list of some other wonderful things I was able to do while on Hiatus…

· Took my daughters to and from school/day care more often

· Spend more time with my daughters in general – park, ice cream at Rita’s, etc.

· Focus on creating an even better partnership with my wife

· Learned more about my wife’s incredible and growing Scentsy business

· Attend and support my wife at her first ever Scentsy Convention – that was awesome!

I am sure there were more but these are just a few… I’ll keep doing those more going forward because these are things that are truly important to me.

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The Mirror Is All That Matters

Outside is looking in; the world’s eyes are open wide and flaring

The universe sits silent while I feel a plethora of lenses staring

Glaring at me, in me and through me

Fear creates thoughts that their judgments might move me

But whether you accept me or not is inconsequential

Because I know that accepting myself is all that’s essential

So regardless of opinions, innuendos and chatter

You know as well as I that the mirror is all that matters

Do your thoughts bid me life or do they bid me death

Are you grateful for my existence or do you smite me with every breath

If the world ended tomorrow, what would history say

Would it show me regretful that I didn’t live life my way

But whether you appreciate me or not is extraneous

Because I know that if I appreciate me, my value is instantaneous

So be I villain or hero, man or mouse, clown or mad hatter

You know as well as I that the mirror is all that matters

While I do what I do, the world gazes on in awe

Looking for cracks and holes just to magnify my flaws

Every action evaluated and every word dissected

Until hopelessness and cynicism soon is what’s perfected

But whether you approve of me or not is superfluous at best

So long as I approve of what I do and my values sit on my crest

I serve with love until I expire, principles as my backers

You know as well as I that the mirror is all that matters

 
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How to Develop and Cultivate High Performance Teams

Have you ever watched a High Performance Team at work? Perhaps you have a favorite sports team that you consider high performing. Think about the New York Yankees or the 1991 Chicago Bulls – how awesome is it to watch these teams execute their game plan?

The truth is that truly successful individuals understand the importance of being a part of high performance teams. They understand that even though the ability to achieve effective results independently is important, the pinnacle of excellence lies in interdependence. True success comes from collaborating and working effectively with others.

High Performance Teams are like well-oiled machines where each part knows and plays its role while supporting the other parts in fulfilling their roles. This is not about simply being busy completing your assigned tasks; it is about the whole team performing well and understanding that each member of the team is accountable to all the others.

High Performance Teams are like a well choreographed dance routine; they work in harmonious fervor and execute with confidence and conviction. In a word High Performance Teams synergize.

So, how is done? How do you make sure you are on a high performance team? How does your current team measure up?

First, it is important to understand that most people are not nor have they ever been on a high performance team. The reason it is important to point this out is because it is vital that you raise your awareness to the reality – what actually happens.

Let me put it this way…

How many of you believe that the people in your organization have more talent, more passion, more creativity, and more tenacity that their current jobs require or even allow?

I can ask that question to almost any audience and in every case, the overwhelming majority will raise their hands in agreement. Most people really do feel this way about the organizations that they work for or the teams that they are a part of. With this information alone, it is safe to say that most people are not part of high performance teams.

You see, high performance teams utilize their team members in a way that the vast majority does not – they are tapped into the whole person. Where others may simply utilize a person’s mind and body, high performance teams tap into all 4 quadrants of a person – body, mind, heart and spirit.

They utilize what Dr. Stephen Covey calls – The Whole Person approach.

In order to develop and cultivate high performance teams, truly successful individuals work to ensure that the following 4 elements are engrained in each member of the team.

1.   Needs and/or Services

This represents how you satisfy the body of a team. It answers one of two questions with succinct clarity.

What physical needs of others does the team meet? What valuable services does the team provide that meet the needs of others?

High Performance Teams understand the importance of creating and distributing value to others, therefore they must serve a need. Since we live in a physical world, there are real physical needs that need to be met. There are many services that must be provided in order to meet a great many needs in the world.

High Performance Teams exercise discipline in meeting the needs or providing the services they have committed to. Each member of the team understands the goal, knows his/her role and holds each team member accountable to fulfilling his/hers. They execute the objective with focus and diligence.

The most important factor in fulfilling the needs or providing the services committed to is the global buy-in of the team. Every person on the team must buy into the goal otherwise; you cannot be a part of the team. If you have some that buy-in and others who do not, it will create chaos, dissention and half-assed results.

2. Vision and Mission

Vision and mission represent the mind of a team. What is the “big picture” goal of the team? It is vital that every team member understands and embodies the vision of the team. Once they understand the vision, the mission is born from it.

The most important thing to do where vision and mission are concerned is to make sure that each team member is involved in their creation. For huge organizations/teams where a vision already exists, it is important to make sure that each new team member is on board with the vision. This should be a direct question with the expectation of an honest answer. Of course whether they answer honestly or not will be easily tested down the road as their true mind will show up in their attitude, work ethic and the results they achieve.

As far as mission, it is imperative that every team member has a hand in it because the mission must also represent them. On very large teams, it is a good idea to conduct surveys and solicit feedback in creating the mission. The fact is that people are much more inclined to support and commit to what they help create.

Think about it…

How do you feel when you know that you are truly a part of something – that your input is highly valued?

The point is that every member of a high performance team understands and embodies the team vision and is completely committed to the team mission. This is largely because the vision reflects their own core values and the mission represents them.

Most of the time people will slowly sabotage the team mission when they don’t believe that it represents them or that they are truly a part of it. Whether it’s by malicious compliance or lackadaisical work ethic or plain insubordination, eventually, the mission will fall short.

High Performance Team members understand and embody the team vision and they support and commit to the team mission. The only thing left to do is to execute with focus.

3. Passion

What is the heart of the team? What drives them – what is it that fuels its passion?

Just as it is important to know and follow your personal passion, it is equally important for a team to do the same. Developing and cultivating high performance teams requires that each team member share the team’s true passion.

This means that whatever needs and services the team meets and whatever, the vision and mission, every team member must be passionate about it. It requires that your personal passion be aligned with the team passion. It goes directly to purpose – the reason for being.

Why bother to be a part of team if you don’t have a passion – a true drive for its vision and mission? In a nutshell, you’ve got to care.

If there is no fire within the heart of a team, performance will be lackluster. High Performance Teams have drive – fire – they take it to the max everyday because they are infused with passion for what they do. Engrained in the DNA of high performance teams is the reason for being – it is the life blood of the team.

4. Spirit

The spirit of a team represents its conscience. It speaks to the meaning of what the team does.

In other words; is the work that the does meaningful to you? Does it bring you fulfillment? Does it add value to you and others? Is there integrity in what the team does?

If there are any negative answers around any of these questions, the team spirit will be corroded and the vision muddled. The spirit of a team in my experience is the most important of the 4 elements. In fact, when needs and services, vision and mission and passion are led by spirit, the results you achieve are significantly greater and more impactful than you could otherwise achieve.

High Performance Teams are transparent and trustworthy. They do what they say they are going to do and they remain accountable for their actions. The team members are loyal to one another because they share a common bond. They do not cheat themselves or others and they genuinely feel good about what they do. When they look in the mirror every day, they see promise and another authentic opportunity to create and distribute value to others.

If you’ve ever been a part of a high performance team, you know that you can instantly feel the spirit of the team the moment you are around them. It is apparent and alive in a way that electrifies the air.

High Performance Teams know that the development and cultivation of the spirit starts at home. The way they treat each other creates a ripple effect in how they treat others and inspire others to treat others.

Dr. Stephen Covey puts it this way when it comes to the importance of spirit…

When spirit – conscience – governs body, mind and heart, you get a Gandhi; when ego governs body, mind and heart, you get a Hitler.

The bottom line is that no matter how great the need, clear the vision and fervent the passion – if your conscience says that it isn’t the right thing to do – follow your conscience. In my experience, when spirit leads, the results you achieve are far greater than any you could have imagined.

It is only when the spirit leads that true greatness can be achieved.

When these 4 elements come together in harmony, the nexus of focus and execution is formed. This is how high performance teams consistently achieve the results they desire.

So, what kind of team or you on?

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The Natural Law of Gratitude

One of my mentors has always taught me that the more grateful we are for what we have, the more we receive to be grateful for. This is the natural law of gratitude at work. In my experience I have found that this is absolutely the case.

Of course as with all principles, consequences work both ways – so that the more we take for granted what we have, the more we lose. Again, this is the natural law of gratitude at work.

In my own life, I have been expressing tremendous gratitude because I am witnessing my dream manifest before my eyes every day. And, the more I give thanks, the more I receive to be thankful for. It has gotten to the point where I expect nothing less than to receive what I ask the universe to return to me. I ask, make choices that inspire me to my goal and then I work at it so naturally I expect my desires to come to fruition – and they have.

It is truly an incredible feeling – I am in awe almost on a daily basis when I see what can happen just from being truly grateful for what I have.

I am sharing this experience with you because I believe and I have seen that we aren’t always as grateful as we should be for what we have. In fact, more people take more for granted than they even realize – usually until it’s too late. It is only when severe loss has occurred that most of us even realize what we’ve been doing to ourselves – to our dreams – if we ever realize at all.

In a sense, when we do not show gratitude for what we have, we are in effect sabotaging our future. The principle – the natural law cannot be refuted – it exists and operates in our lives whether we like it or not, believe it or not or are aware of it or not. It’s not a matter of opinion or luck. It simply is.

Let me put it this way…

The law of gratitude is no different than the law of gravity in its completeness and unbiased function. If I step off the roof of a 50 story building, there is no question that I will suffer the consequences of that choice because of gravity. I cannot suddenly change my mind between the 6^th and 5^th floors and say I no longer want this consequence. Once I step off that roof, it is no longer up to me – the law of gravity applies and will continue to apply until my fall is broken by the ground or an angel catches me.

Why is showing gratitude so important?

To the degree that you show gratitude, the universe will continue to return the same to you in kind by granting you your true desires. The thing is that if you don’t truly believe in its power, you won’t truly show gratitude – you might fake it and then wonder why you aren’t receiving more from the universe.

You cannot fake gratitude and expect to receive true desires; in fact, if you fake gratitude, the universe will return to you fake desires or that which you do not desire. Principles are unbiased; your true frequency determines what you receive. A genuine gratitude frequency going out into the universe brings back more genuine desires that you can show more genuine gratitude for.

The reason it is so important to show gratitude is because you lose the things you take for granted.

Think about it in terms of your relationships. What happens if you continuously take your loved ones for granted? More often than not, they either eventually leave you or the relationship operates in dysfunction from lack of trust, honesty and resentment.

How about when you take your job for granted? Ever notice how you seem to go nowhere – you do not grow and you aren’t chosen for special projects. In extreme cases you might even lose your job. Certainly, there are other reasons why you might lose a job that are beyond your control; however, I can guarantee you that those who truly appreciated that job find another one much more quickly than those who did not. Furthermore, those who truly appreciated it for the real purpose it served usually find another job they like even more, much more quickly.

Think about it for a minute… really ponder it from your own experiences and see if you don’t draw the same conclusions.

When was the last time you showed absolutely no gratitude for what you have and received much more of your true desires to be grateful for? That’s right – never!

How to live the law of gratitude

Like all things you endeavor to become habits, you have to practice. I suggest that if you are not used to doing this with keen awareness, start small. Begin by giving thanks for every small desire that manifests in your life. Practice to do it daily and continue to give thanks over and over again for the people and things you have in your life.

Here’s the not so easy part – you must also give thanks for people who aren’t as thankful for you as well as the circumstances that may cause you grief. Why? It is because you can learn a lot from even those who do not have your best interest at heart. You can learn how not to be. It is truly a refreshing feeling when you compare the effects of being positive against being negative.

A person who might mean you ill will can truly reconvict you in your belief of doing the opposite. It is important to be thankful for these people – the lessons you learn are invaluable to your own growth.

The same holds true for circumstances that may be painful or unpleasant; look for the silver lining. Make the effort to see what the circumstance is trying to teach you and give thanks for what you’ve learned from it.

The law of gratitude requires that you give thanks for all that you have. This is why it is important to seek out the best in others and circumstances in your life. It is vital that you find a way to see more than meets the eye – if you are looking for the shiny object in others and situations, chances are you will find it when others could not.

Here’s a quick start guideline to help you practice. These are 7 things to show gratitude for on a daily basis.

1.    Your life

2.    The lives of family, friends and colleagues

3.    Your true gifts and talents

4.    The gifts and talents of others

5.    Opportunity to make a difference in the lives of others

6.    A better tomorrow

7.    Authentic leaders

Almost anything that you can think of in your life that you show gratitude for could fall under one of these 7 elements. If you can start by practicing to show gratitude for these 7 things and do so consistently for at least 30 days, there is a good chance that it will become a habit. Essentially, not only will your show of gratitude be genuine but also automatic – an unconscious competent response because of your keen awareness of its value and power.

The goal where gratitude is concerned is to be genuine – be real. Don’t bother showing gratitude for things you don’t truly appreciate; it will only backfire and you will not achieve the results you desire.

Also, don’t bother showing gratitude just to meet your ends of receiving more of your true desires to be grateful for. If you do this, again, it will only backfire because that is not true gratitude. Simply put, when you show gratitude, you have to mean it and show it without expectations.

Showing gratitude is about what you have and what you have received – it is not a means to an end; rather it is how we show true appreciation and bring true meaning to the ends we receive.

With that, thank you for reading – I truly appreciate you.

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How to Discover Your True Purpose

“It is not enough to simply be alive if your life is not worth living.”

There are many that would say that every life is worth living no matter what. I might agree only because you can learn something from everyone, even those who live for nothing. On the other hand, I do consider it a huge waste to simply be alive and yet have no purpose – no drive to contribute to the world in which you live.

In fact, I will go so far as to say that a life without purpose is no life at all – at least not one that is worth living. I think it is better to die than to live without purpose.

I hope it doesn’t shock you that I feel so strongly about this topic or that I would draw such a hard line. The truth is that I firmly believe that we – you have a purpose in life that serves your fellow man in ways you have not even imagined. We all have that potential within us and I personally want to awaken and tap into as much of it as possible.

You are unique in so many ways and have so much to offer the world; the sad thing is that most of us never seek to tap into it let alone even believe that it is there within us. There isn’t a shred of doubt in my mind that you have a purpose that only you can fulfill – you have only to believe it, seek it and pursue it fervently.

What is the point of your existence if not to serve those around you – to contribute to the world in which you live? What will have been the point of your life if you do not leave the world a better place than it was when you were born into it?

Think of your eulogy – I know – not pleasant to think about the end of your life but bear with me. At your funeral, what would you want others to say about you – about your life? Did you live a life of service? Were you always good to those you meet? Did you give back and show gratitude for your knowledge and success?

What would your family and friends say about you upon your departure from this plain? These can be hard questions to ponder; however, I suggest that it is vital that you do when you think about your true purpose.

Have you ever felt like you were stuck? Like you weren’t really sure where you’re going? Perhaps you even felt like you don’t even know why you do what you do or why you are where you are? Does what you do truly matter? Are you making a difference?

Without a true purpose, it is common for you to go through bouts of depression, chaos and ignorance. Your level of awareness ebbs and flows with change because you are not certain of where you fit into the grand scheme of the universe. You may even begin to justify and rationalize these feelings of emptiness and despair in an effort to stabilize your disposition.

These are things that a purposeless individual goes through one way or another; there may be other symptoms of this empty feeling but I think you get the gist.

Think for a moment about your own life…

Are you living a purpose-driven life? Have you found your true purpose and are you pursuing it with passion?

If you’ve already found your true purpose and are living it – CONGRATULATIONS! If you haven’t and you want to, the goal of this article is to provide a guideline that will help you do that.

Finding your purpose isn’t a hard thing – it’s finding the discipline to go through the steps and then courageously pursuing it zealously.

In order to discover your true purpose, you must tap into the whole person – the 4 quadrants of life. You must aim to satisfy the body, mind, heart and spirit. True purpose lies within the nexus of these 4. Most people end up only looking at body and mind – that’s just half of a person; they never consider the heart and spirit in the equation.

More often than not, stimulation of the heart and spirit are separated from the body and mind. True purpose requires that they all connect and meet at the nucleus. Certainly you might develop each quadrant in different places and through different resources; however, where your true purpose is concerned, the choreography among them must be perfectly harmonious.

If this sounds impossible to achieve, let me assure you that truly successful individuals have achieved this; it happens every day. Yes, the truth is it doesn’t happen often enough in my opinion – way too many of us don’t even bother to seek our true purpose. Even more sadly, many of us don’t even believe we each have a purpose.

Whether or not you believe you have a purpose does not negate the fact that you do. We are all born with gifts and talents that only we can utilize to create and distribute value to others – we have only to choose it.

Think of it this way…

If you believe in principles then you understand what is called the ripple effect. The ripple effect basically says that you have no idea just how far one act can go in affecting the lives of others and bringing about change. It is the continuation of one act begetting another and another with infinite possibilities and no end. It is in essence the never-ending mode of paying it forward.

With that in mind, as principles go, it works both ways. When you pursue your true purpose which allows you to create and distribute value in the lives of others – the ripple effect of what those you affect do for others is beyond the scope of your very mind. You only know that you started the ripple and that it is infinite. Sounds good BUT remember that the same holds true if you do not pursue your true purpose; the ripple effect still applies except that the value you would have created and distributed to others will be missing. Not only will that be missing but any profound and positive change that your value would have triggered in others will also go unfulfilled.

This is not to say that you’re responsible for ruining lives – we all make our own choices. It is just to say that when you choose not to pursue your purpose, it affects more than just you – it affects others.

Discovering your true purpose

To discover your true purpose, consider the body, mind heart and spirit and what truly fulfills them. Find out what makes each segment tick and then endeavor to utilize your true gifts and talents to add value.

Here’s a guideline of how you might go about doing this.

Body

Body refers not just to your body but to the body of the world around you. Since we live in a physical world, there are real physical needs that need to be met. Think of those deeply; what are the needs of your body – of the people around you – of the world?

It doesn’t mean that you have to solve the world’s greatest problems – it just means that you need to give this real thought.

Looking at body, consider the needs of others that you might be able to fulfill. This will help you to start to think in terms of what you are capable of doing to make a difference in the lives of others. As you think of needs that need to be met, also think of your physical capabilities and how they might help you fulfill these needs.

Mind

For the mind, consider carefully what you are good at. What are your natural gifts and talents? When it comes to discovering your true purpose, it is like discovering the real you. Search yourself and be honest about what you find.

Do not be discouraged if you find that you are good at things that seemingly have no value. Your gifts and talents are never valueless; there is always a way to utilize them to create and distribute value. If you can believe that then you can be honest with yourself about your findings.

Make a list of the things you’re really good at. If you wish, ask your family, friends or someone you respect what they think you’re good at. In fact, I often recommend a top 10 list written by a mentor or other respected person to go along with your resume. This is because your name rings a lot more bells a lot louder when someone else other than you sings your praises.

You don’t have to base your final answers on what others say; however, it can be really helpful to know how others see you. Perhaps they see something in you that you do not yet see in yourself.

The goal is to find out what you’re really good at doing and make a list.

Heart

The heart is one of the quadrants that most organizations and even people don’t tap into when it comes to what they do. It is often only utilized as an emotional source for showing love and gratitude to and for your loved ones.

The heart is so much more than that. What about passion?

In order to figure out your true purpose, you have to figure out what you are truly passionate about? What is it that makes you jump out of bed in the morning with uncontrollable enthusiasm? What gets your adrenaline pumping through your veins and set you on fire?

Passion and purpose are almost synonymous in that they are completely fulfilling. Whatever you do must fulfill you in order for you to do it to the best of your abilities. Look within and think about what you are really passionate about. If your physical needs like money were no object, what would you do with your time? How would you spend your days on this plain making a difference?

If you can figure out what gets your juices going every time – you will be able to figure out what you’re truly passionate about.

Spirit

The spirit is another quadrant that often goes neglected when it comes to what people do. Often times, the allure and greed for money, stature and power override the spirit. This type of thinking always leads to underhanded behavior, disempowerment of others and despair. When the spirit is neglected, there can be no win/win – someone always loses – in fact I think that in the absence of the spirit, everyone loses.

Spirit speaks to conscience. Where your true purpose is concerned, the spirit demands that you ask if what you are doing is righteous and does it make a positive difference in your life and the lives of others.

How does what you do affect you and the people you touch? If the answer to this question is anything but a positive one, I suggest that what you are doing is not your true purpose.

Without the spirit, the other 3 quadrants falter; it is the spirit that governs the other 3. Perhaps I should say should govern the other 3 because many times, people allow ego to govern.

Here’s what I mean as Dr. Stephen R. Covey puts it…

“When spirit governs body, mind and heart, you get a Gandhi; when ego governs body, mind and heart, you get a Hitler.”

The bottom line is that when you consider the spirit, think of how you can utilize your physical abilities to meet a physical need, apply your capabilities while doing something you are truly passionate about and that makes a significant, profound and positive difference in yours and the lives of others.

When you have achieved this you have discovered your true purpose. As I said, it rests at the nexus of the four quadrants with the spirit as the guiding light.

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How to Improve Your Listening Skills

“Listening is a gift; give it often.” – Chris Baran.

We spend probably about 80% of our waking lives doing 4 things – reading, writing, speaking or listening. Essentially, we are constantly communicating in some way shape or form. In my experience effective communication is the most important skill that you can develop as a human being. I have found that the quality of our communication reflects the quality of our lives.

Fundamentally, communication is the response you get and the results you achieve.

What is also interesting is that most people from the time they enter kindergarten have been trained on how to read, write and speak BUT not on how to listen. Most people are clueless as to what it means to really listen to another human being. We often hear but seldom do we listen.

How well do you think you listen? Do you have selective or conditional hearing or are you one of the rarities among us who actually listens to the person speaking to you?

True listening requires a certain level of awareness and commitment in order to be effective at it. While it is a gift that we can all give, it is in fact also a skill that we can all learn, develop and strengthen.

Highly effective individuals are very good listeners; they practice being good listeners consistently. This is because they understand that you learn the most about others and situations when you are silent.

The goal of this article is to provide a guideline that when applied will most certainly help you improve your listening skills.

One of my mentors puts it this way…

When you truly listen to someone, they walk away feeling better about themselves for having been around you. That is a powerful feeling – I know – I’ve been on both sides of the coin.

To improve your listening skills you must endeavor to improve in these 3 areas of your personal growth – these must become habits.

1.   Desire to be a good listener

No matter what you say or do or what anyone else says or does, you will not succeed as a good listener unless you truly want to be one. In order to be a good listener, you have to actively seek to improve your listening skills. It is important to be open not only to new ideas and techniques but to the coaching of a qualified individual.

No amount of seminars and workshops can help you become a better listener unless you do not desire to be one. It’s a very simply concept; if you truly want to be a good listener then you make choices and take action that lead you to becoming just that.

The true measure of a good listener will show up in the next 2 disciplines that you will need to practice in order to improve your listening skills. It’s one thing to say that you want to be a good listener and entirely another to actually do it.

We are conditioned to speak first before we listen; this is because as I said before, most of us have been trained for years on how to read, write and speak. Even as adults as we embark on our careers, how often have you ever been to a program or seminar that taught you how to listen?

Personally, it has only been through my own pursuit of personal growth and development that I have even been able to work on this skill. I have had to request certain programs or seminars where this is taught. The point is that most of us don’t have these types of experiences handed to us; it is not even deemed important or a priority in most organizations.

Everyone will tell you immediately when asked that listening is important; however, I assert that most have no clue what that really means. Listening is a skill that has to be developed and most of us have not been formally taught that before we can really listen to someone else, we have to truly desire it.

So, first desire to be a good listener and then make choices and take action that leads you in that direction.

2. Seek to truly understand

Understanding… such a vital part of being an effective listener yet most don’t know what it truly means. One of the most basic human needs is to feel understood. So many conflicts could be avoided if only more people sought to truly understand others and more people felt truly understood by others.

Have you ever seen a toddler throw a tantrum? Many psychologists and other intellectuals will tell you that most tantrums come from the frustration of not feeling understood. This is because toddlers don’t yet have the language skills to fully communicate exactly what they want. These instances almost always lead to tantrums even as parents attempt to discipline and figure out why their children act so “kooky” as my daughter would say – it does nothing to simmer the tantrum.

Adults can act out even worse when they don’t feel understood; often times they just shut down and you have a hard time penetrating that armor.

The bottom line here is that in order to be a good listener, you must seek to truly understand. Most people rush to be understood first and end up hitting a brick wall. You see, it is a natural thing for people to clam up when they don’t feel understood and also to be more open when they do.

Your awareness of this provides you with an advantage; be careful though – it is not meant to be manipulation. Knowing that it is important to first be understood, your goal in improving your listening skills is to seek understanding first.

By understanding, I don’t mean glazing over with empty responses like “I see and uh uh and ok.” I mean for you to really make the sincere effort to see things through the eyes of the other person. In essence, you must seek to embody their perception. When you believe that you have reached a true understanding of the other person’s plight, you must be able to restate it to him/her to his/her satisfaction.

True understanding requires that you seek the kind of comprehension that allows you to repeat back to the other person what they are trying to convey and do a better job of it.

That means that along with the desire to be a good listener, you have to be genuine in your pursuit to truly understand. Most people are usually only listening for their turn to talk. Even before they have had a chance to hear what the other person has to say, they have already decided what they are going to say. What happens in these instances is that not only do you miss what is truly being said but they also alienate and frustrate the other person.

Additionally, when no one is truly listening to each other, you often end up with 2 one-way conversations going nowhere very fast. This is why it is crucial that you seek to truly understand the other person in order to improve your listening skills.

3. Empathize

Without practicing the other 2 disciplines, it will be difficult for you to empathize with the other person. In order for you to show true empathy, you need to have a full understanding of the way the other person sees things and how it makes them feel.

Most people attempt to give cliché answers and fluff the other person off. What ends up happening though is the trust goes way down and the other person closes up. You can forget about getting your point across; you may as well attempt to pick up the rock of Gibraltar with your pinky.

True empathy is the ability to show that you’ve put yourself in the other person’s shoes. At the very least, it must show that you’ve tried and if you are genuine about it that will come through to the other person.

Even if you truly understood a person and still could not relate because of your experiences, it is more empathetic to allow that to come through because true empathy demands authenticity. Rather than pretend like you care or that you can relate, it is far better to let the person know that while you understand exactly what he/she is trying to say, you can’t imagine what he/she is going through. This is the best avenue if you have no frame of reference.

Often times when people have no frame of reference; instead of simply admitting that – they choose to give you high level advice from a low level of understanding. If you truly want to destroy trust and close a person off – try to fake empathy. It is one of the most insincere things you can do to a person. This most certainly turns people off – they won’t trust you.

True empathy demands that you remain genuine; good listeners are genuine listeners. There is no shortcut – no magic bullet – you have to be genuine.

If you can improve in these 3 areas – make them habits – I guarantee you that you will become a much more effective listener and achieve much better results in your endeavors and personal growth.

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The World’s Greatest Resource

If I were to ask you “What is the world’s greatest resource” what would your answer be?

I am sure such a question may seem quite broad not to mention subjective to most individuals. I mean certainly I would get many different answers if I were to take a poll and you would all be right from a subjective point of view.

Subjectivity aside though, I want to invite you to open your mind and consider another possibility. Consider a more matter of fact objective and principle-based answer to the question. In fact, I challenge you to consider that there is only one correct answer to this question. There is only one answer that truly makes perfect sense when considered in the grand scheme of the world in which we live.

The world’s greatest resource is YOU – people. Never in the history of the world has there been a more creative, innovative and powerful resource than people. I know, it sounds a bit hammy – but think about it a moment…

Where else can you find a more complete resource than in people?

One of the main reasons this might give you pause is that the most heinous crime ever to be committed against mankind is to disavow, deny, under-utilize and disregard the incredible capacity of people.  There have been many wonders in the world; however, the most overlooked and under-valued resource has been the greatest wonder of all time – that is people.

Is it still too hard to swallow? Ok, let’s take a closer look at why YOU – people are irrefutably the world’s greatest resource.

Why are people the world’s greatest resource?

People are the world’s greatest resource because you and me – we are the only ones on this planet that possess the capacity to tap into, improve upon and grow the 4 quadrants of life. These 4 quadrants are body, mind, heart and spirit. Sure, all living beings possess the 4 quadrants; however, while they exists and live on instinct alone – we possess the ultimate power of choice which gives us ultimate control over how we develop the 4 quadrants.

Furthermore, it is only through people that the other great wonders of the world can come into existence. Nothing moves the world whether forward or backward without people first making choices that cause these things to happen. It is only through the choice of people that greatness can be achieved at any level.

Are these just lofty words I am spewing for the sake of talking or is there irrefutable proof? I’ll let you decide.

Think on this a moment…

Has anything ever happened in your life that you did not first see in your own mind or that someone else did not direct? It may seem oversimplified; however, I think it makes the point perfectly. If your answer to this question is anything but a resounding NO – think again – and if it’s still anything but a resounding and emphatic NO – get your head checked.

Ok, let’s go a little further for the skeptics…

Think of some of the world’s most incredible accomplishments, inventions, innovations or champions and ask yourself, if people are not the greatest resource the world has ever seen, what is?

How about some historical facts we can all agree on to drive home the point?

There was a time that people thought that the earth was the center of the universe until Aristarchus of Samos dared to suggest differently. Instead he believed that the earth revolved around the sun. Later in the 16^th century, Nicolas Copernicus presented mathematical theories that basically proved this fact and was later confirmed in the following century by Galileo.

To suggest these theories at the time was considered heresy; in fact, Galileo’s body was placed at the foot of the church just so as people exited they could step on it to show their disdain for such heretics. Today of course we know that the earth does in fact revolve around the sun and it is not the center of the universe.

How about the theory that the earth is flat? This was once the consensus among scholars until, about 2500 years ago, the Greek and Babylonian mariners suggested that the earth is in fact spherical because of the way ships used to disappear by sinking below the horizon as they sailed. Later, the Greek mathematician Eratosthenes used observations of the sun’s angle at noon to calculate the diameter of the earth – a computation that ONLY would have made sense if he knew the earth to be round.

Let’s bring it even closer to home or more importantly to the 20^th century. How about the creation of the world’s most incredible communication and connector – the Internet? It was first launched at CERN laboratories in Switzerland by a group of world class scientists from all over the world who simply needed a tool to stay in touch and keep each other updated on their work in a more efficient manner.

Now, they could have simply used e-mail or pick up the phone but NO – they opted for something much greater – much more efficient and effective – the Internet. This is now the foremost authority on finding any types of information you need and for connecting every single person in the world to each other if they so choose.

What else but the world’s greatest resource could dream up, create and implement these ideas? All of these mentioned here and any other great wonders that you can think of right now are all precipitated by individuals who made a choice to make a difference. People like you and me are the drivers of these great discoveries and change. They all involved all 4 quadrants of life, body, mind, heart and spirit.

I know that there are still some that might say, these examples are too easy and well not the norm. These only include a handful of some of the smartest individuals in the world’s history so clearly, not all people are a part of the world’s greatest resource.

Great… how about we tackle this scenario?

I challenge you to consider that the power to be the world’s greatest resource exists in each and every one of us. We have only to unleash it by exercising our ultimate power of choice.

Why do I say this? I say this because only the world’s greatest resource possesses the power to evolve and shift paradigms.  People have been able to do this successfully throughout history – often at great cost but nonetheless, we are able to do it repeatedly.

Here’s what I mean…

There was a time when man was primarily a hunter and gatherer of food and resources to sustain life. He would go out each and every day to hunt and gather food – this was known as the Hunter’s Age. This went on for a very long time and then came the farmer.

The farmer sought to grow his food instead of hunting every day; however, as the hunter watched the farmer he saw no value in his work ethic. The farmer merely tended to his crop by watering and fertilizing the ground where he had planted the seeds of sustenance. While the hunter continued to go out every day and hunt and gather his food.

The farmer was patient and by the end of the harvest season, his crop had produced 50 times what the hunter was able to produce by going out every day. The farmer had essentially created a way to provide 50 times of what a hunter could gather with 50 times less effort not to mention a lot less danger. Eventually, this ushered in a new paradigm known as the Agricultural Age.

This period also went on for a time but it didn’t stop there. At some point, the ingenious mind of people began to turn yet again to progression and innovation. Enter the advent of machines and assembly lines. With the capacity to build machines that could do the work of 50 men, people were now able to produce 50 times what the farmer could in the same period of time. In fact, this new paradigm, known as the Industrial Age, was so successful that it was brought to the farms and these farms, now dubbed Industrial Farms, were able to produce 50 times more than traditional farms.

What do you think… does it stop there?

Of course not; there is still some semblance of the Industrial Age in the 21^st century; however, I guarantee you that it will not last another generation. As one of my favorite leaders and author puts it, we are now embarking on the Knowledge Worker Age. This is the age where people are more in tuned with their complete self – the body, mind, heart and spirit. It is the age of creating and distributing value by tapping into your true gifts and talents as opposed to mindlessly following a regime in which you have no belief or derive satisfaction.

We can see many knowledge workers around us already – this new paradigm has already taken root and will only continue to spread and grow like a wild fire on gasoline steroids.

What else but the world’s greatest resource can usher in such incredible paradigm shifts? Only YOU – only people…  

The Unfortunate Truth

The unfortunate truth is that most of us are not aware of the incredible untapped human potential that exists within us. Like anything else, it only gets stronger if we are feeding and nurturing it.

While people are the world’s greatest resource, it often falls short in its potential because the majority of us are completely oblivious to its infinite and ever evolving power. Too many of us do not accept, appreciate or even approve of its possibilities.

The world’s greatest resource, like any other resource, takes consistent effort to improve and grow. Left alone it will of course remain dormant and unused and therefore will not improve in any facet.

Too many of us are like sheep mindlessly grazing in the pasture built to hold and control our every move and thus creating the illusion that we have no choice. Too often we choose to remain ignorant in an effort to maintain our meager existence for fear of losing it all.

If you still harbor any skepticism at all about what the world’s greatest resource is, you may want to perform an honest examination how you truly perceive yourself. Is it in the best of lights or do you place unnecessary and self-defeating limitations on yourself?

Forget all the clichés and canned speeches of motivation and inspiration. Think of this as a personal challenge. Are you truly everything you can possibly be? Do you believe that you have an inexhaustible pool of possibilities available for you to tap into? Do you have or are you on the path to achieving all that you truly desire? Are you where you truly want to be?

I dare you to challenge yourself with these questions. Whether your answer is yes, no or a combination – I guarantee you’ll immediately see things differently if you are honest with yourself. You will quickly awaken parts of you that you weren’t even aware existed. Go ahead – try it.

The world’s greatest resource cannot be the sheep of us but instead must be the shepherd for only the shepherds can usher in new ages and shift paradigms.

How to unleash the world’s greatest resource in you

For starters, I suggest that you read my article, How to Develop and Cultivate Wisdom as it provides an in depth walkthrough of the following actions.

To unleash the world’s greatest resource in you – you must ask yourself the following 4 questions, answer them honestly and then choose to take action to either improve or include them in your life and personal growth.

The following 4 questions pertain to stimulating, improving, growing and strengthening the body, mind, heart and spirit. These 4 quadrants of life embody and direct the world’s greatest resource. Each requires a two-fold process for maximum effect.

1.   Are you feeding the body?

Feeding the body is first about the things you are doing to fulfill your physical needs. Since we live in a physical world, there are real needs that need to be met in order to function properly. If you are not feeding your physical needs – the body – chances are you experience frustration and perhaps depression. It is vital that you are aware of and endeavor to meet all your physical needs thus increasing your capacity to function at an optimal level.

The second part of this equation is about what you are doing to service the physical needs of others. It’s like being on a plane with a child. If the plane is going down, the best course of action is to first put on your oxygen mask and then taking care of the child’s. Once you have met your physical needs, to tap into the world’s greatest resource, you must take action to utilize your true gifts and talents to service the physical needs of others.

2. Are you feeding the mind?

Feeding the mind is first about the things you are doing to stimulate and challenge your brain. It’s about tapping into your creativity and tenacity in making a significant difference in the world and people around you. To unleash the world’s greatest resource, you must be willing to embrace change, acknowledge problems and create solutions. You must believe in the infinite pool of possibilities and place no limitations on what your mind can accomplish. This involves an insatiable appetite and an unquenchable thirst for learning, growing and discovering the new.

The second part to this is of course about the things you are doing to challenge the minds of others. It’s about the steps you take to make sure that you are also challenging others to greatness – to utilize their own creativity and tenacity. As you believe in your own potential and capacity for change and significance, so must you believe in the potential of others. This is feeding the mind.

3. Are you feeding the heart?

Feeding the heart is about the level of passion you feel for what you do. It’s about the deep and abiding fulfillment it brings you to utilize your true gifts and talents to create and distribute value in your life and in the lives of others. How passionate are you about what you do? Do you truly believe that what you do is valuable and are you fulfilled by it? Answering yes to these questions is crucial in feeding the heart.

Secondly, what are you doing to arouse the same level of passion you feel for what you do in others for what they do? To unleash the world’s greatest resource in you – you must endeavor to release it in others. You must encourage others to find their passion and pursue it fervently in order to unleash true greatness.

4. Are you feeding the spirit?

Feeding the spirit is the most crucial of the 4 because it governs the other three. This is about your moral values. Many people distort the authority between formal and moral. Formal authority is man-made and governed by the laws of man which are not always moral. Moral authority is based on universal principles – natural laws. Moral authority is what must direct the spirit in order to properly feed it.

Do you feel good about what you do? Are you doing the right things to achieve the ends you seek? Does your work have transparency and integrity in it? Is what you do to the benefit of you as well as others? Are people better off after what you do has touched them? The answer to these questions must all be yes otherwise, while you may be feeding the spirit, I guarantee you that it is not with the right things.

Like the other 3 questions, you must also endeavor to help others find their moral compass. It is important that you encourage others to find the courage to do the right things even when it means not doing things right. The world’s greatest resource demands more of us than to simply follow orders – it demands that we follow and adhere to principles – natural laws. This is how you feed the spirit.

I know I may have left the title of this article way behind by now but my hope is that you truly get the point. Too often we get wrapped up in things and circumstances and forget people. What’s worse, sometimes we treat people like things instead of like human beings. If you want to see a world where all things are possible, begin by believing that you can create it. After that, make sure that you treat people as a whole by respecting, accepting and embracing the 4 quadrants of them – body, mind, heart and spirit.

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The 5 W’s of Manifestation

Often times, we do not understand how we ended up where we are and with the things and situations we have, especially when we aren’t where we want to be or have what we truly desire. Although it is a universal truth that we have what we have and are where we are because of the choices we’ve made – still – it can easily escape us as to how it all happened.

Have you ever asked yourself, how did I get here? Or, what have I done to deserve this?

You should be nodding right now because I’m willing to bet that we all have at one point or another. Manifestation is a key element of personal growth and development as well as in your overall success. It goes to the heart of how you arrive where you are and with what you have. Truly successful individuals are masters at applying manifestation techniques to their daily life; it is simply a part of their DNA and they practice it relentlessly. It may even get to the point where it takes no effort at all, especially in the areas of life where they are most excel.

The goal of this article is to raise your awareness to the incredible powers of manifestation and how to effectively apply it to your life. It will help you understand the 5 key elements of manifestation – the ones that all successful individuals understand and use regularly to improve on their personal growth and success.

First and foremost, let’s understand what manifestation is.

Manifestation is the act of materializing and/or expressing that which you envision, plan for, prepare for and expect to happen. The power of manifestation in your life is inextricably linked to the way you see yourself and the world around you. It goes to the core of the universal principle – the natural law of “believing is seeing.” To the degree that you believe in something, plan for it, prepare for it and expect it to happen, it will manifest in your life in alignment with your level of faith. You are the director of all things that manifest in your life. Even for the occurrences you face that you do not cause to happen to you – you still have the power to choose how you respond to them thus manifesting what you desire.

In order to harness the power of manifestation in your life, it is imperative that you truly understand the 5 W’s of manifestation. These elements help to put you in the right mindset when attempting to materialize your true desires.

Who

Who is the first part of the manifestation you must understand completely in order to apply it successfully to your personal growth. Sometimes, who can refer to just one and in other cases multiple people. No matter what the situation though, who must always include you. Let’s break this down a bit further for clarity.

Who, first refers to the person totally responsible for materializing your desires – that’s always YOU. When it comes to manifestation, it is vital to understand that the first who is always you. You are 100% responsible for any desire you want to see appear in your life – you are the director of your fate. No matter what you might believe, the moment you put your destiny – your path – in someone else’s hands, it is no longer yours.

Once you understand and accept that you are the master of your fate and that only your choices can truly create your future, it will become easier for you to manifest your true and inner-most desires. All manifestations in your life are directly related to who you are and the choices that you make. It makes no difference whether you believe it or not – it is a natural law – a universal principle and thus it merely exists and acts in our lives. Those who are keenly aware of this principle are the ones who benefit most from its application.

Additionally, who can also refer to anyone you might deem necessary to help you manifest your desires. Simply put, once you accept your responsibility in the equation of manifestation, you will also quickly realize that it is your responsibility to identify those who can help you achieve your goals. This second set of “who” may be one or many people and can also change along the way; it depends on where you are in your journey.

The key take-away here is that you understand that when you have your goal in mind, it is crucial to your success that you are able to identify others whom are important and/or necessary in achieving your goal otherwise, it will be a difficult road.

What

The second part of the manifestation equation is the “what.” What are you trying to achieve – what is your goal? What refers to the result you envision and the more crystallized this is in your mind, the more likely you will succeed at manifesting it. It is important that you understand that in order to materialize what you want, you must first see it clearly in your mind and believe it is going to happen. If you truly believe it is going to happen then your plans and preparationwill follow suit in a much more focused manner.

When it comes to what you truly desire, it cannot be a sketchy picture otherwise you will get sketchy results. It must be as clear as day – you have to see it through your mind’s eye before the first step is even taken towards your goal. This is not to say that your vision cannot change along the way; however, you have to be crystal clear about your ultimate goal.

Think of it this way…

Have you ever pictured yourself on the perfect vacation? You might see the beach; you lying on the beach – you may even smell the ocean; feel the ocean breeze on your face and the water running through your toes. That’s the type of visualization I am talking about. Successful manifestation demands that you see the end you seek as clear as day in your mind before you lift a finger to act.

Why

This third element is overlooked more often than you think and it is the main reason people end up questioning their lot in life. They didn’t fully understand if at all, why they wanted something. Your “why” is the glue to the whole operation of manifestation because if you don’t know why you want something, you cannot fully appreciate your reward.

The worst part of that is that, if you can’t appreciate what you receive, you will eventually take it for granted. The law of gratitude has 2 faces; it states that when we are grateful for what we have we get more to be grateful for. On the flip side, it says what we take for granted, we lose. Again, this is a natural law – universal principle that merely exists and operates in our lives whether we are aware of it or not.

The key point here is that it is extremely important that you understand completely why you want what you want. Your “why” fuels your desire to act and your perseverance in the face of challenges. It gives you the reason to push through any obstacle. Your threshold will only be as strong as your “why.” If you have a deeply rooted reason for your desire – it is more likely that you will be successful in achieving your goal. In order to successfully manifest your desires in your life, you must hone in on why you want what you want.

It is important to be certain that you want something for the right reason; right reason being that you are somehow creating and delivering value to or for others. Any desire fueled by greed, the quest for power or domination over any other will surely end in disaster sooner or later. What I am presenting here are 2 ideals in the extreme but I am sure you get the picture. Just make sure that your reasons for wanting what you want benefit others while at the same time doing no harm to others.

The natural law of harvesting says that you reap more than what you sow – not just as much as you sow – but more.

The simple truth is that if you don’t understand why you want something, you will have difficulty understanding what you receive and that’s just a waste. When you do not understand why you want something the results you achieve will be just as elusive and confusing.

Where

The fourth part of the manifestation equation is the “where.” Whether in degree, accolades or physical destination, it will be virtually impossible to achieve your goal if you have no clue where you are going. Before you begin any journey, it is important – necessary that you have the correct roadmap.

This is why before the first nail is driven or the first stake pushed into the ground for a new house, the foreman and his crew must consult the blueprint. The blueprint tells you where things go. It is not an accident that a house has 5 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms – it is a result of a deliberate plan – a roadmap.

To know where you are going is imperative; it will help you to make more effective and impactful choices because they will be more focused to the task. Can imagine trying to score touchdowns on a basketball court? It just wouldn’t work – it’s not the right field. A pilot does not get to Denver by plotting a course to Chicago. You simply must know where you are going otherwise you will end up asking questions like, “How did I get here?” and even worse, “Where am I?”

The other vitally important factor of knowing where you are going is that it will help to minimize straying. It is already an accepted theory that we drift off for about 20 seconds every 60 seconds; for 20 seconds of every minute the mind takes a mini-vacation. That’s when we’re paying attention and know where we are going.

Can you imagine what will happen if you are clueless about your destination? You will end up manifesting all sorts of things you will question later. Besides, if you do not know where you are going, it will be much easier for others to lead you astray – this is how people end up holding the bag someone else put in their hands and in some cases they pay a steep price.

Knowing where you are going will most definitely keep you focused and on target.

When

The fifth W of manifestation is When. This is probably the most ignored element of goal-setting. Most people do not date their goals; however, truly successful people always do. It’s an automatic piece in setting and planning goals. Your “when” is essential to your manifestation success; it tells you the time and date that your desires will show up in your life.

Have you ever heard someone say, “Sure I am going to clean out the garage”? How often does it really happen? Right – never.

The truth is that one of the main reasons goals aren’t met is because they have no date – no end time. There is no clear and set time that they are expected to happen. Quite frankly, a goal without a date is merely fantasy – it’s not real. Putting a date on your goals makes them real – it gives you a sense of urgency to act. If you don’t have a clue when you want to get where you want to go, you may never get there and even if you do – you will most likely be too late.

It’s like the same New Year’s resolutions that get made year after year and almost none actually manifest for most people. The people who see their New Year’s resolutions come to fruition are in fact goal setters. They understand and utilize the 5 W’s of manifestation otherwise; they would end up like most people who make these meaningless commitments every year – nowhere. It may sound harsh but it’s true. What is the point of setting a goal if you do not have a date in mind of when you want to achieve it?

That’s no different than saying over and over again “I’d love to go to Paris.” So what? If no one, especially you, have no clue when you want to go to Paris, you’ll never get there. And, if you do happen to end up in Paris through the choices of others and by shear miraculous luck, I guarantee you that you will be completely unprepared for the experience and your expectations will be dashed. What’s more, you’ll probably blame everyone and everything else for the rotten time you had.

The key take-away here is that successful manifestation requires that you know exactly when you want something to appear in your life; otherwise the universe will not know when to deliver.

If you can practice implementing the 5 W’s into your life, it is virtually guaranteed that you will achieve much better results and more consistently achieve the results you desire.

Happy manifesting!

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Spirituality and Personal Growth

I think it is obvious, and that you would agree that our success in our personal growth is driven by the choices that we make. We are where we are and have what we have because of the path we’ve chosen to take. There really is no mystery to the lot you receive in life. To understand your station in life, you only need examine your choices; it’s that simple. 

If your personal growth is your responsibility and you are the one that has to make a choice to improve it, how then does spirituality play a role in this? 

First, I think it is important that we understand what spirituality really means. There are different schools of thought on this so I want to make sure we are on the same page as to what I am talking about before we proceed.

 

What is spirituality?

First of all, let’s debunk one of the most popular beliefs. Spirituality has nothing to do with religion, mysticism or any order that exercises or imposes control over your thoughts and actions. Please know that this is not a knock against any religion; it is just a clarification so that we are not confusing the two elements. They are in fact separate.

Spirituality encompasses 2 forms; Inner Spirituality and Outer Spirituality. 

Inner Spirituality is about your level of belief in your core values before they have manifested physically in your life. It is strengthened by how deeply you are connected to the formless, soundless and creative part of you. The more connected you are to that part of you that cultivates genuine hope for the future and faith in your endeavors; the part of you that sees the desired results you want to achieve as a foregone conclusion – the stronger your spiritual self will be. 

Inner Spirituality is about believing in yourself and your abilities to achieve the results you desire before you have taken the first step towards accomplishing them. 

The pinnacle of inner spirituality is the belief in infinite possibilities; that you can achieve anything you desire so long as you set your mind to it. If you can dream it then you can be it. 

Surely, there are different methods that you might use to connect with that part of you. For instance, some people meditate in silence while others go to church or congregate with like-minded individuals to exchange ideas in an effort to invoke that spirit within them. 

I tend to go for reading, writing and just sitting in deep thought in order to move, stir and strengthen my spirit. 

Outer Spirituality is about the acceptance that all things are first spiritual before they are physical. It simply means that you accept, understand and believe that before anything is manifested on the physical plane, it must first be created on the spiritual plane. This is not “hocus pocus and mombo jumbo”, it is a universal principle – a natural law.

 

Think of it this way… 

Where did the internet come from? Did it always exist? Of course not; someone or a group of people first created the idea of it in their minds (spiritual) and then subsequently took action to manifest what he/they had thought up (physical). This isn’t rocket science; it’s just proper logic and natural law at work. 

The pinnacle of outer spirituality is the belief in infinite possibilities; that anything is in fact possible so long as a person and/or group truly believe in it and set minds to achieving it. It is about knowing that the results of the future lies in the choices we make in the present and that all change you see around you was first spiritual before physical. 

First you dream it and then you make it happen. You certainly can’t touch the spirit in a tangible form; however, you can certainly feel it when it touches you. It’s like getting a really great idea (light bulb goes on) all of a sudden popping into your head. Sometimes you don’t even know how or where it came from. 

The truth is that’s your spiritual self connecting with you. For those individuals who consistently and deliberately seek to connect with the spiritual side of themselves and the world, they experience many more of those “Ah-ha” moments than those who do not. 

Overall, spirituality is about a deep and abiding belief in an inexhaustible pool of possibilities where all ideas are born and creativity enlivened.

 

How does spirituality affect personal growth?

Since success in your personal growth rests with the choices that you make, it stands to reason that your spirituality must be aligned with the results you desire. 

Furthermore, the weaker your spiritual self, the more likely you are to be unsuccessful in achieving your goals. Conversely, the stronger your spiritual self, the more likely you are to be successful in achieving your goals. 

In order to help you understand the connection between your spirituality and your personal growth, let’s examine the 5 W’s of manifestation – Who, What, Why, Where and When.

Who – refers to knowing who you are and believing in yourself wholeheartedly. Essentially, it is about having complete faith in the person you are and believe you will become the person you truly endeavor to be. In other words, you’ve taken an honest look at yourself and you acknowledge the awesome person you are, accept your limitations and embrace the consistent pursuit of change to becoming the person you desire. Before you become who you were meant to be, you must first believe you already are. 

What – refers to your purpose; the gift that you have within you to give to the world. Do you know what that is? Not only must you know what that is, you must also make choices to bring it into fruition. In order to manifest what you want on the physical plane, you must first see the end – envision the results as if already achieved and completely believe it. All that should be left is for you to mobilize and take action to see your vision (spiritual) come to life (physical). 

Why – it is very important – crucial to know and understand why you want something. This fuels your desire and directs your intent. Your “why” must be deliberate and it must course through your entire being with passion and fervor. Your “why” while intangible (spiritual) is your inspiration which plants the seed of hope and gives power to action. If you are deeply connected to the “why” of your “what”, the results you achieve will reflect that depth. 

Where – this is about the destination and station you desire to reach. It is about having a crystal clear picture in your mind of exactly where you want to be either in degree of accomplishment or a physical place. It is no different than imagining your perfect vacation and then choosing to manifest it by buying the plane ticket and getting on the plane. Knowing where you want to go relaxes your mind and adds clarity to your blueprint. 

When – refers to dating all desires and goals; it is the act of calling into existence the time by which you will achieve your desired end. This is referred to as beginning with the end in mind. This way you know the date by when you will be who you desire to be, have what you desire, fulfilled by the reasons (your why) and be where you desire to be. 

All of these 5 elements are first realized in the spiritual realm – in connection with the spiritual self. Only through the spiritual plane can you manifest anything on the physical plane. Even if you are unaware of the situations and beliefs you create on the spiritual plane, they will most certainly still manifest on the physical one. 

Many people often wonder why they are poor when all they ever do is think about having money. If you examine this dilemma closely though, you will discover that we do not necessarily receive what we think about, rather, we only receive what we believe. In other words, no matter how hard you think about money, you will still have none if you do not believe that you will actually receive it. If you do not truly believe that you will receive it, then you will not expect it and therefore it will not manifest on the physical plane.

What will most certainly manifest on the physical plane are your true beliefs because these are what you will expect to happen. This means that even though you might think about receiving money, you truly believe that you will not, therefore that is what you expect and that is why you receive nothing. The bottom line is that no matter what you think about, you will only receive that which you plan, prepare and expect to receive. 

In order to truly affect your personal growth in a positive way, you must truly believe in and be truly positive about who you are and what you desire to achieve. Whether you believe you can or cannot achieve success in your personal growth, you are absolutely right. If your connection with your spiritual self is weak then your belief will be weak; if strong, then your belief will be strong.

 

How to strengthen your connection with your spiritual self

To strengthen your connection with your spiritual self, you must first choose to abandon your ignorance in pursuit of increasing your awareness. You must believe that the mistakes of your past can become valuable lessons if you choose to learn from them. You must understand and accept that the choices you make in the present will determine the results you achieve in the future. 

To simplify your connection process, consider practicing one of or a combination of the following. 

Participate in activities that quiet your thoughts – these types of activities will help you to gain clarity. When done on a consistent basis you might begin to find that you lose a sense of your physical surroundings and escape for a time to a formless world where you see yourself in its most perfect state – the spiritual state. 

Do things that enrich the soul – for me, this is reading and writing. When you do things that enrich the soul, it touches a part of you that is only seen in the world when you create something from that enrichment. It is receiving the fulfillment of your creation before you have manifested it physically. For instance, as I write this article I am thinking of the one person (YOU) whom might benefit from it by achieving breakthrough success in his/her personal growth. The thought alone fulfills me.

Think deeply and do it often – it is so important that you think deeply if you desire to connect more closely with your spiritual self. Thinking deeply takes you through a world of thoughts and ideas; it sparks creativity. It breaches the surface levels of shallow thinking and delves into the core of the human being. It also makes you more open to possibilities and change; you become much more embracing of differences. 

Breathe deeply – this probably goes without saying; however, I will say it anyway. Breathing deeply is like giving you a cleansing. It helps you to distress and scrape away the remains of the day. Often times, we do not realize the tremendous toll the occurrences in a day can take on us. When you breathe deeply, it’s a way of renewing the spiritual self so that you can create. 

If you can make one or all of these a habit, you will find that your level of creativity will increase. Your awareness of who you are will improve consistently and your belief in yourself and your desires will be strengthened. 

As I have always said, you must learn to do what is true for you and live with the consequences. The clamor of the world can often clutter our thoughts and send our thoughts into chaos; however, the more we seek to find the sweet music within the clamor, the quieter it becomes.

 

Think of it this way… 

You decide to buy a new car. You visit the dealer and you settle on a brand new Hyundai Sonata. Before you purchased that Hyundai, you may have never even noticed just how many of them are on the road; however, from the moment you pull off the lot, you begin to notice every single one that goes by. You see, if you are looking for it and you expect to see it, you will. Seek the sweet music of the world and the noise will become insignificant.

 

All things are first spiritual

Nothing can manifest on the physical place first because unless someone believed it was a possibility, it could not have been created. All things then are first spiritual; they first exist in an intangible form before a tangible form. First you believe it and then you see it. It is not the other way around which is said and believed to be the case by so many. To see it is not to believe it; to believe it is to see it. 

Formless and soundless – these are beliefs, thoughts and ideas – an inexhaustible pool of possibilities which continuously overflows.

The success you achieve in your personal growth is inextricably linked to your relationship with your spiritual self. All your beliefs and desires are born on the spiritual plane and whatever you manifest there is what you will manifest on the physical plane.

 

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The Ultimate Power II – The 90/10 Principle

I wrote an article titled The Ultimate Power which received a lot of feedback both for and against the idea. The most common feedback though has been “If choice is the ultimate power, how do I control the choices others make?” Of course the truth is that you cannot control what someone else does. That being said I still believe 100% that the ultimate power is choice. 

With the pressing point on the table though, I thought it might be a good idea to write The Ultimate Power II as a follow up to further clarify the power of choice. If you haven’t read The Ultimate Power, read it here first and then come back to this article. I think this follow up article will be more impactful if you read the first one – just a suggestion of course. 

Yes, while choice precipitates all things, we cannot control the choices of others. In fact if we could, it would totally negate the core principle of choice which is that we all have free will to decide how we respond, behave and act. 

We do however have the power to influence others through the choices we make. You may see this show up in the form of example, inspiration, hope or experience. These are just a few ways in which the choices that you make can cause someone else to make choices that resemble your own core values. 

Let’s look at the ultimate power of choice not only from your point of view but also from the point of view of those around you. The fact is that although you are making choices that influence and move things to happen in your life, so are others. 

For example, you may leave your home dressed in your finest suit with no intention of getting it dirty and yet someone else could make the choice to drive at lightening speed through a puddle and splash your suit with muddy water. Did you have a choice in that action? Of course not; that action was precipitated by the choice of another and therefore it is impossible for that particular action of driving through the puddle to have been caused by your choice. 

Here’s the flip side to that; you did make a choice to put on the suit and also made a choice as to which route to walk which led you to the point in your journey where someone else’s choice got your suit dirty. 

I am not trying to confuse you with this oversimplification – I am merely attempting to separate your choices from those of another so that you understand that they are independent in the making; however, they can intertwine through design. 

Let’s look at how we can further understand the ultimate power of choice and how we can apply to our personal growth to make us more effective individuals.

 

The 90/10 Principle

The 90/10 principle encompasses both scenarios in which choice affects our lives. It deals with the choices we make and those that others make that we have to deal with one way or the other. 

The basic meaning is that we have no control over 10% of the things that happen to us because those occurrences are precipitated by the choice of others. Furthermore, it also means that the other 90% are made up of the choices we make in response to those things that happen to us over which we have no control.

 

In a nutshell… 

We cannot control 10% of what happens to us; the other 90% is how we choose to respond. This is where proactive leadership is important; to the degree that you can improve your ability to choose your own responses to the things that happen to you, the more effective you will be. 

You see, this is why Choice is the ultimate power; you can choose your actions. Between stimulus and response, lies choice – you can make a conscious decision on how you will respond to any given stimulus. Certainly some situations make that more difficult than others, nonetheless, the fact remains that we all have the ability to choose.

 

Let’s look at it this way… 

Imagine that a family of 3, father, mother and daughter are having breakfast in the morning at the dining table. The usual chatter and conversation ensues; suddenly there’s a splash, a spill and a crack. The daughter has unintentionally knocked over her father’s coffee mug and spilled coffee onto his suit as the mug tumbles and shatters on the floor below.

Scenario 1 response

Father yells at his daughter, Cindy, “Why can’t you be more careful? You are such a clumsy little girl – goodness!” Mom fires back at Dad “Did you have to be so harsh? It was only an accident Joe – my goodness!” She storms off after Cindy who has already ran upstairs to her room crying. 

Meanwhile dad has to go upstairs frustrated that he has to now change his suit for work. As he stumbles around to find a new outfit, he looks out the window only to see Cindy’s school bus pulling up. He quickly pulls on his shoes and jacket, darts downstairs and shouts for Cindy to run down and catch her bus. As they rush through the front door, the bus pulls off and Cindy misses it by a few seconds. 

Even more frustrated and with a very upset daughter in tow, Dad realizes that he now has to drive Cindy to school. She does not speak a word to him for the entire 15-minute the drive and moreover, he arrives at work late only to step into an important board meeting already 30 minutes lapsed. 

Dad’s boss is now displeased with him as well. Later on in the day, Dad calls Janet, his wife only to learn that she is still peeved at him for his earlier behavior and that he’d be sleeping on the couch for the night – at least.

This has not been a good day for this family. By no means is it detrimental but still – not a good day.

Could this have gone better? What could have happened to make this whole situation much more pleasant? 

Let’s see…

Scenario 2 response

Father leans in close to his daughter Cindy and says, “Whoops, a bit of a spill there honey – it’s quite alright, it was only an accident” Cindy, though a bit embarrassed but pleased at her Dad’s response, smiles widely and says “I’m sorry Daddy, I’ll be more careful next time.” Dad replies as he makes his way quickly upstairs to change “No worries darling, I will be back in a jiffy to see you off.” Mom helps Cindy to clean up the mess.

Dad, as calm as ever, quickly dons a new outfit and makes his way downstairs as the school bus pulls up. He walks briskly with Cindy to the front gate as she turns back to hug and kiss him before scurrying onto the bus. 

Dad returns to the house to grab his briefcase and as he reaches the front door, it opens to his smiling wife handing it to him. With a whisper of “sweet nothings” in each others ear and a short but passionate kiss, dad heads to his car to drive to work.

Dad arrives at work a full 20 minutes before his important board meeting and all goes as planned – perhaps even better. A quick call to Janet later that day reveals that his favorite supper will be awaiting him upon his return home.

Dad reaches home to find a loving wife preparing dinner and a very happy princess greeting him with open arms.

This has been a great day for this family.

 

Now, I know that these 2 scenarios seem ideal; however, think of it as your worst day and your perfect day. 

Can you remember the last time you had a really bad day? Conversely, can you remember the last time you had a perfect day? 

Now that you have those 2 in mind, examine the choices you made in each scenario and what you could have done to make the worst day better. 

You see, Dad had no control over the coffee spilling and the coffee mug breaking on the floor; those occurrences were precipitated by choices his daughter made. Dad did however, have total control over his reaction – his response. His choices in scenario 1 led to a really bad day for his whole family while his choices in scenario 2 led to a really good day for his whole family. 

In this scenario, let me also point out that each person involved had the opportunity to choose his/her response. Cindy, although a young girl, could have chosen not to cry and get upset and still apologize to her Dad. 

Mom did not have to fire back at Dad; she could have simply opted to console Cindy and then helped her clean up the mess. And of course Dad’s boss could have given him the benefit of the doubt that there was a good reason for his tardiness and simply let it go. Each person had the ultimate power of choice both to make decisions as well as to respond to things that happened to them. 

The bottom line is that choice precipitates all things no matter what you might believe. This is a universal principle that does not change. 

That is the 90/10 principle at work and it operates in our lives every day whether we believe it or not. In fact, now that your awareness to this has been raised, you will recognize it more quickly in your own life and it will help you be more effective in your responses.

 

Excuses and Rational-lies

There are many who might continue to harp on not having control over what others do. They use this fact as an excuse not to act or for that matter to justify their negative reactions to the things that happen to them. 

They tell themselves rational lies in an effort to justify their actions; it’s not me it’s them.

Let’s just clear this up right now… 

Certainly no one leaves the house to get into car accidents, create conflict and or cause pain. Well, at least most people don’t. 

The fact is though that even when those types of unfortunate events occur, it’s still just a part of that 10% over which we have no control because they are precipitated by someone else’s choices. You still have the choice as to how you respond if/when they do happen to you. 

Obviously, if something happens and you unfortunately die, you will not have the chance to choose further actions; however, even in this case, you made a choice before you actually expired. Even if you simply froze and did nothing – it remains a choice that you made. I know that this may be hard to swallow for some but think about it – consider the awesome realization it will be for you when you realize that you too have the ultimate power. You only need make the choice to wield it. 

Look, if nothing else, stop confessing other people’s sins and worry about answering for your own. The only thing worse than making bad choices is making no choices at all except for the one to remain ignorant. 

Sadly, most of us will never realize this incredible gift; however, for the few smart individuals who do – the world is your oasis. 

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The Dichotomy of Competition

Competition is probably familiar to most of us in some form or another. Most of us have probably been competing for most of our lives at something or with someone. Think about it, what are competing in or for right now? I am sure you will be able to think of one or more scenarios.

When it comes to competition, my experience is that it falls in one of two paradigms – healthy or unhealthy.

Healthy competition incites growth and creativity; it inspires and propels one or a team to excel. Unhealthy competition on the other hand breeds resentment, envy and covetousness. It causes dissention in the ranks and among peers; while it may cause one to excel, it can cause a team to implode. 

The goal of this article is to raise your awareness and understanding of the two paradigms regarding competition so that you can make better choices in this dichotomy.

 

Unhealthy Competition

Unhealthy competition is where resentment and deception thrive. This occurs when one group of people are pitted against another. While there is nothing wrong with competing against one another per se, the set up has to be correct in order to avoid an unhealthy situation.

In unhealthy competition, the setup is not done properly. Often times the individuals involved, whether consciously or unconsciously, equate their value to how well they perform against someone else. Their sense of worth is derived from besting the next man. 

Unhealthy competition basically says to the victor that you are better than every one else involved and that they are less than you. Dejection and depression are some of the emotions that can occur when you are not the victor in unhealthy competition. For the victor, it may seem like a good thing; however, this individual usually ends up with a false sense of security and entitlement. It won’t be long before he/she is defeated in the same manner causing him/her to now feel dejected and/or depressed.

In unhealthy competition, there is no real goal except to beat the other guy. This of course is empty because after you’ve beaten the other guy, there is no real fulfillment to bring you residual satisfaction. If your only purpose is to win at all cost, your choices will soon be corroded by your desire to simply win and that negates the possibility of healthy competition.

Unhealthy competition is all about instant gratification – it’s a win/lose approach. Someone always wins while others lose because there are no lasting rewards beyond the physical prize.

 

If this position seems extreme to you, think of it this way… 

Have you ever been a part of a competition where some participants simply resign themselves to second best because the same person/people always win? You’ll hear things like “Why bother playing, so and so is going to win anyway?” 

The reason for this posture and attitude is because unhealthy competition does not create a true sense of hope for all parties involved. It doesn’t set everyone up to win – rather, it sets up a situation where there will always be winners and losers.

Don’t get me wrong – I know that someone almost always has to lose; however, losing is up to you and the mindset you choose to have. Individuals with a winner’s mindset understand that there is a win in everything, even the failures. If you can learn something from the things that go wrong, you will never lose – you will only grow. 

The bottom line is that true competition is not about winning and losing, it is about creating hope and inspiration that pushes others to excel in an effort to maximize their potential.

 

Healthy Competition

Healthy competition is where hope and inspiration thrive. This occurs when we push each other to succeed and grow – it occurs when we push ourselves to excel in pursuit of infinite possibilities. 

In healthy competition, the setup is a win/win approach. The goal is to inspire you to lift yourself to greater heights. Instead of having the attitude of you against them, the attitude is more you against the bar or you against the goal. The goal may be one that you accept from someone or of your own making. 

When you compete in this manner, your purpose is not simply to defeat the other guy but rather to achieve your goal. Even if the game involves others; you do not concern yourself with what they are doing and how they are playing, you simply pursue the goal set before you. In this vein, your sense of worth will not be based on your ability to best the other guy, it will come from within – from the things you value most. 

When you pursue your goals, residual satisfaction is automatic because you are growing at your own pace and in a manner that fulfills you. Healthy competition is supposed to inspire team work and sportsmanship. You don’t wish ill of others in the competition; in fact, it’s the exact opposite. Healthy competition dictates that you wish the best for the other guy because this also pushes you to be your best. 

When you focus on doing your best and achieving your goal, what the other guy does doesn’t matter. You have no distractions because you are not spending creative and tenacious power worrying about the other guy – your focus is simply to achieve your goal. 

One of the best aspects about healthy competition is that it increases your ability to achieve excellence in interdependent situations. While independence is important – it is certainly not as important as interdependence. Interdependent relationships are the pinnacle of excellence when it comes to success. No man is an island – the most successful individuals understand that working with others creates the best results. Greatness is not achieved alone but rather through the power of others.

To see people truly excel to great heights, it is important to challenge them from a standpoint of the things they value most. What is valuable to one may be worthless to another. You may have heard the cliché before “One man’s garbage is another man’s treasure.” 

Healthy competition requires this mindset because it provides a platform for win/win when the prize is valuable to the players. While there may be physical accolades, the more important reward must come from within in order to create residual satisfaction. Healthy competition is certainly not about instant gratification but rather about impactful and long lasting fulfillment.

 

Think of it this way… 

Larry Bird and Magic Johnson did not simply want to beat each other on the court. They wanted to be the best in the game and therefore they wanted to play against the best. These two were the best and they respected each other. If one of them were to be injured before a game, the other would be totally disappointed because he knew he would not have the opportunity to play against the best. You see instead of wishing ill for each other, they did the exact opposite – they wished for each to be healthy just so they could play against the best in order to become the best in the game of basketball. 

The goals that great athletes set have very little to do with the other guy and much more to do with what they want to achieve in their game of choice. Their focus is on the goals that they set – it doesn’t matter what the other guy is doing. The other guy only represents a milestone on the way to achieving the ultimate goal. 

When you are not the victor – when you do not achieve your goal in a competition, the best thing to do is study what worked and what didn’t and learn from them. Learn from your opponents and give their game the respect it deserves. Healthy competition is about hope and inspiration – when you have tall hopes and you have been inspired, you will be able to do the same for others. 

Competition is good as long as it’s healthy. 
 

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The Natural Law of Re-action & Pro-action

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. This is Sir Isaac Newton’s third law of motion and it is a sound and true principle. Essentially, this means that if you lean on a wall, the wall must lean back in order for you and it to remain standing otherwise, you would go through it. 

The law of physics is simply undeniable and irrefutable.  

I do want to point out just how important it is that you grasp this concept in order to fully comprehend the objective of this article. The goal is to help you understand the difference between re-action and pro-action. Furthermore, it is to help you realize which action you want to be a part of in order to significantly improve upon your personal growth. 

What I am about to share with you may seem harsh to some degree and down right abrasive; however, the reality check is better delivered raw in this case so that you can clearly see the value. 

Eat your Wheaties before you read if you need to. 
  

Re-Action

Reaction dictates that you only act when acted upon by other people or circumstances. Your choices are mainly grounded in what others think of you and not what you think of yourself. Your actions are largely dictated by conditioned beliefs and by what is happening to the people and circumstances around you. You only change when they change.

When you react, it means that you are affected by changes but not necessarily that you affect them. In fact, you are a part of the status quo much more often than you are a part of evolution and progressive change. 

Reactive individuals do not take responsibility for what they say or do; it’s always someone or something else’s fault. They do not see the simple truth that the choices that they make are directly related to the results they achieve. Reactive individuals have a “tit for tat” mindset. They tend to believe that what you say and do is based on what is happening around you.

The natural law of reaction states that when you react, you will only heighten and stir up the situation to which you are reacting which will create a snowball effect. It doesn’t matter if the situation is positive of negative, it will be compounded and magnified by your reaction.

 

Pro-Action

Pro-action dictates that you only act on your own core values and beliefs regardless of the people and circumstances around you. Your choices are mainly grounded in what you think of yourself and your conviction in your value system and beliefs. Your actions are largely dictated by the goals that you have set for yourself and your desire to achieve them. You change course only when your personal blueprint or mission changes. 

When you pro-act, it means that you are affecting changes rather than simply being affected by them. In fact, you abhor the status quo and consistently seek to change things for the better – you are a part of evolution and progressive change. 

Pro-active individuals always take responsibility for what they say and do. They do not blame others or circumstances for the results they achieve because they understand that their choices are the reason they are where they are and have what they have. Pro-active individuals have a “solution and results” mindset. They are much more interested in a desirable outcome than a mindless reaction that means nothing and solves even less. 

The natural law of pro-action states that when you pro-act, you will only release and alleviate emotional stress and angst which provides a calmer more suitable environment for meaningful exchanges. It doesn’t matter if a situation is positive or negative; it will be defused by pro-action.

 

Application

Now that you understand the natural law of re-action and pro-action, it is important to understand how to apply them. 

In my opinion, reaction is almost always not a good avenue to trot. Sure there are certain situations when your reaction doesn’t matter as much; however, in my experience it’s a bad habit to develop because it affects all of your choices and actions. 

When you simply react, it’s another way of giving away your personal power. Essentially, what you’re saying is that you have no choice but to blow whichever direction the wind is blowing. You have no control over you or what you think, say and do – this is what you’re telling the world when you simply react. 

Reactive people are always affected by changes but they influence and affect very little change. Most often, they are not good leaders and they make poor choices in their personal growth. 

On the other hand, pro-action is almost always a good avenue to trot. In fact, I cannot think of one situation where pro-activity would be better than reactivity.

When you pro-act, you instantly increase your personal power; you are saying that you make your own choices. The direction of the wind does not dictate your direction – that comes from within. You take responsibility for what you think, say and do and you realize that these are all your choices. 

Pro-active people always affect changes – they influence the people and circumstances around them. These are usually good leaders because they make sound choices that are grounded in correct principles. People tend to want to follow pro-active individuals because they know where they are going. They do not simply knock about until the tides drop them on an uncharted desert island. They make things happen. 

Whether you believe it or not, the natural law of re-action and pro-action is operating in your life right now. All you have to decide is whether you are going to wait for things to happen to you before you act or will you make things happen. I can tell you that no truly successful individual has ever sat back and waited for things to simply happen. They take action – they make choices and move fervently towards their goal. 

Reactive people are like sheep waiting for the wolf to show up before they build a fence to keep him out. Pro-active people are like chipmunks that forage for food before the dawn of winter – they don’t wait for the frost before they stock up. 

The question is, are you a sheep or a chipmunk? 
 

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Pursuing Your Potential

Look in the mirror and ask yourself this question, “Have I always done my best?” If you can answer yes, you are definitely among the very few, if any, who have. More likely, you are probably lying to yourself. 

If you have not always done your best, then ask yourself “Why not?”

Maximize your potential… you have so much potential… I see so much potential in you. These are just some of the phrases you often hear about recognizing and/or pursuing your potential. The question is; do you really understand what potential is and how it applies to your life? 

My experience has been that most individuals do not understand the concept let alone how to know if they are even pursuing it. Truly successful individuals understand potential and the importance of consistently pursuing theirs. If you are not truly pursuing your potential, you are leaving way too much of yourself untapped. The realization of your true gifts and talents will continue to escape you because you are not seeking to continuously improve yourself. 

The goal of this article is to raise your awareness to your true potential and help you understand how to consistently pursue it to reach your goals.

 

First, let’s define potential… 

Your potential is an inexhaustible pool of infinite possibilities you can pursue and achieve from one level to the next. It is your incredible capacity to constantly grow and improve without a ceiling.

With that in mind, do you believe that you are consistently pursuing your potential? I can tell you flatly right now that most people are not – many don’t even have a clue as to what it means to do that. 

Following are 6 principles in attitude that will not only raise your awareness but also help you fully maximize the pursuit of your potential.

 

1.    Embrace change

In order to pursue your potential you have to embrace change. In fact, truly successful individuals wake up everyday to change things. If you are not affecting changes, then you are in a reactor simply being affected by them. 

Without change, there is no progress – without progress there is no growth. In order to move from one level to the next, something has to change. You cannot do the same thing you’ve always done and expect different results. This is the definition of insanity. 

Unless you embrace change, you will never discover new knowledge. If you don’t acquire new knowledge, how will you move to the next level? There is no way to move beyond your current level without new information – new methods – just new. 

Your potential sits dormant until you awaken it by pursuing a new avenue. This is the reason it is so crucial to embrace change.

 

2.  Do your best

No matter what the outcome, always do your best. You’ve probably heard this a hundred times or more; however, it is so important to drive this point home. If you are not doing your best, you cannot achieve your true potential. 

If you do anything half-assed, that means that you are leaving something on the table. Truly successful individuals go all out when they pursue their goals. They leave nothing to chance and no stone unturned that they know of. In reaching for your goals, you should accept nothing less than your best effort. 

If you know that you have done less than your best, you cannot then turn around and wonder why you achieved the results you did. If they are lack-luster, it is a direct consequence of your lack-luster performance.

 

Let me put this way… 

At the 1988 Winter Olympics, Swiss skier Pirmin Zurbriggin was a shoe-in for the gold medal after his first run in the Men’s downhill. Essentially, all he had to do was ski to the bottom of the mountain without falling and he would win the gold medal. 

If you were watching, you know Zurbriggin did anything but simply skied safely to the bottom of the mountain. He exploded out of the gate skiing as hard as he possibly could. Upon reaching the 39^th flag on the run, Zurbriggin hooked one of his skis and tumbled through pretty much the rest of the run. That unfortunate mishap cost him the gold medal and he ended up with the bronze. 

At the bottom of the mountain he was mobbed by the media folks who had but one question; “Why would someone who was a shoe-in for the gold medal risk it?” He never answered the question. 

Sometime later, someone asked a close friend of Zurbriggin’s the same question to which he replied, “As always, Pirmin was simply trying to ski his best race.” 

Do you get the point? It doesn’t matter what is on the line, always do your best. If you don’t do your best, you will never know just how good you truly are. There will always be the “what if” questions lingering and you will be left to wonder about what could have been. 

So, in pursuing your potential, always do your best and you’ll never have to wonder about what could have been. 
  

3.  Positive Discontent

Mark Sanborn taught me this and I believe it with all my heart. It is important to adapt a mindset of positive discontent. This means that although you should undoubtedly celebrate all your wins, you should not become content with your current station or level of success. 

Once you become comfortable with where you are, you stop pursuing your potential. The next level is always waiting each time you move up a notch. It is never-ending. 

This is something that happens to large companies quite often; they become number one and then they get complacent and sloppy. Before you know it, the smallest fish in the tank takes a huge shark bite out of your ass-ets. 

It is vital that you do not become complacent and too smug with your present because as the world changes without you, you will eventually get left in the wake of the new world – your future could go up in smoke. 

When you become complacent with where you are, you immediately limit yourself. You close yourself off to new knowledge and you stop embracing change. What you will find eventually is that you are only equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists while those who continue to learn and grow are eating your lunch. 

Positive Discontent is a mindset that allows you to celebrate your successes; enjoy them even; however, you do not become too content with them whereby it leaves you stagnant. You cannot pursue your potential if you are stagnant.

 

4.  Discomfort Zone

Your discomfort zone is where you need to live if you want to pursue your potential. If you can adapt the mindset of positive discontent, it will inevitably lead to you to spending a lot more time in your discomfort zone. 

Your discomfort zone is the opposite of your comfort zone which is where most people like to remain. It’s safe, they understand it and they’ve mastered it so no need to flirt with the dangers of discomfort. The truth is though that when you are in your discomfort zone that is when you are discovering new knowledge and experiencing change. This is where the greatest progress occurs. 

If you are feeling too comfortable, you are no longer growing which means you are no longer changing which means your potential is dormant. Again, this is the danger of complacency – it leaves you stuck in a familiar place that does not change and therefore does not grow. 

Just remember that most change is uncomfortable at first; however, the more you embrace it, the better it gets.

 

Think of it this way… 

A woman can experience some serious discomfort during pregnancy and even more during childbirth; however, once that baby is out, the joy that it brings into the world is always worth it. You would be hard-pressed to find one mother that would not agree with this. 

Stay in your discomfort zone more often and you will always be pursuing your potential.

 

5.  Take risks

This falls right in line with the last 2 principles; you must be willing to take risks. Playing it safe will always get you conservative results and the “what if” questions will plague you. I am not saying that you need to walk a tightrope at 30,000 feet above ground; however, take calculated risks. 

If you are simply going to do what everyone else does all the time, how can you pursue your potential? There is a reason why everyone’s potential is different – you have to do you. Only you can awaken the latent energies inside you. Certainly people and circumstances may inspire you; however, you are the only one that can ignite the fire. 

Possibilities and risks go hand in hand because the greater the risk the more fruitful the possibility you can attain. Again, err on the side of caution when you take risks; don’t just take risks to be a daredevil. Make sure you only take calculated risks – don’t live in a box and don’t allow fear to paralyze you.

 

6.  Never settle

You can only achieve your true potential at any level if you settle for nothing but your heart’s true desire. Never settle no matter what. The moment you settle for something less than what you truly want, it begins to breed frustration and resentment. Never settle! 

Please understand that accepting something is different from settling. While you may at any given time accept a certain outcome, it does not mean that you settle for it. You may accept it in the moment for different reasons but you know in your heart that the buck does not stop there. The buck stops with you and what you truly desire. 

Pursuing your potential requires that you seek only the best in yourself, the best in others and the best in all situations and nothing less. 

Did I say NEVER SETTLE? 

People who settle for less than what they truly desire deserve the mediocrity they receive in return. If that sounds harsh, I apologize but it’s true. 

These 6 principles of attitude will undoubtedly raise your awareness and help you pursue your true potential from one level to the next. Remember that your potential is inexhaustible – there are no limits to the things you can achieve except the ones you place on yourself. 

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Attitude, Aptitude & Altitude – Powerful Principles in Personal Leadership

You cannot lead others in any area of life until you first succeed in leading yourself in the same. This is what it means to lead by example. 

Mohandas Gandhi said “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Truer words have never been spoken about personal leadership – leading self. Essentially, the powerful principle at work here says that to the degree that you can lead yourself successfully – you can lead others to that level. You cannot however help others succeed at anything beyond a level that you have not attained.  That would be like you coaching an apple tree on what type of apples to bear. It doesn’t make sense – does it? 

Success in your personal growth will be defined by your success in personal leadership. It will be crystallized by how well you lead yourself in the different areas of your life. How you lead yourself is the way you will lead others. 

Ever notice how those individuals who seem to hate their lives are consistently saying and doing things to make others miserable? Often times we are not even aware of our behavior until we either reap the negative consequences or someone who loves us enough tells us about it. 

Success in your personal leadership will depend on many factors; however, following are 3 of the major pillars of personal leadership. The goal of this article is to not only raise your awareness to these factors but also to help you understand how they apply in your life and your personal growth.

 

1.    Attitude

The manner in which you approach any situation is crucial to the results that you ultimately achieve. If you can maintain a positive attitude, you will always be able to find the upside in almost any situation. 

While I am completely aware that it is sometimes hard to maintain a positive attitude, I am totally convinced that doing so makes a significant difference in the results you achieve. 

Your attitude determines your mindset; it is the foundation on which your responses sit. The attitude you choose to have – and yes it is your choice – will determine how effective you are. 

To maintain a positive attitude, it is important that you believe in 3 things:

1.      Believe in choice – you must believe in your ability to choose your attitude and your responses in any given situation. No matter how hard it may seem, how you respond to circumstances and the people around you is your choice. You are the master of your fate and the choices you make determine it. 

2.      Believe in possibilities – make no assumptions and embrace change; this is how you believe in possibilities. When you believe in possibilities, it opens your heart and mind to new worlds; some of which you have only imagined and even the ones you have not. This mindset significantly impacts your attitude in a positive way because when you are open instead of closed, your experiences are richer and you feel a whole lot better. 

3.      Believe in the future – your attitude will be acutely affected by your hope for the future. If you have no hope then your attitude will be one of pessimism and cynicism. If you truly have hope for the future – a better tomorrow – your attitude will reflect it and so will your choices. 

The way that you approach your life and your outlook for the future are the fuel for a positive attitude. Without a positive attitude, it will be hard for you to imagine a better tomorrow. This is why your mindset is so important to your success – to improving your personal leadership.

 

2.  Aptitude

Success in your personal leadership also requires that you continuously seek to improve your abilities. If you can only lead others to the level of success that you’ve experienced then consistently improving your abilities will provide you with more experiences and knowledge to share. 

Your aptitude determines how well you do something; it is the level of your abilities that will sustain the fire in your attitude. If you do not seek to improve your skills or use your gifts then you will continue to struggle. The more you struggle the harder it will become to maintain a positive attitude. 

A very popular misconception is that having a positive attitude is all you need to succeed. While it is obvious that a positive attitude is vital to success, it cannot stand alone. If you have no clue what you are doing and no plans to learn, you will achieve nothing. Your attitude is the foundation; however, your abilities determine the success in execution.

There is no use sending in the world’s greatest electrician to do a plumber’s job – he simply doesn’t have the propensity for fixing pipes; wires for sure but not pipes. Additionally, no one wants to follow anyone who is clueless about what he/she is doing or where he/she is going. 

High aptitude requires 3 things:

1.      Keen awareness – the more aware you are, the better the choices you make and the more effective you will be. It is easy to become aware of your strengths; however, becoming aware of your shortcomings is more difficult because we don’t want to see ourselves in that light. It is important though to look at yourself honestly and give an accurate assessment of your abilities. The more you know what you don’t know, the more you will learn.

2.      Practice – it does truly make perfect. The more you do something the better you become at it and the more success you achieve. High aptitude comes from doing; acting on the things you learn. 

3.      Mentorship – this goes both ways in improving aptitude. While it is vital to your personal growth and leadership that you find and follow mentors, it is equally vital that you mentor others. Although this is also a form of leading others, it can do wonders for your own personal leadership. The more you share your knowledge and experience with others, the more room you create to fill up on more knowledge and experience. One of the best ways to keep learning is to teach. 

If you can master these 3 elements, your aptitude – your skill level will improve significantly.

 

3.  Altitude

Your altitude is about the heights to which you can grow. We all have the potential to reach tremendous heights; however, many of us won’t even reach half that potential. Your altitude is fueled by your attitude and aptitude. 

With the right mindset and the consistent growth of your skill set, there are no limits to what you can achieve. There are no limits except for those that we place on ourselves. Often times the biggest roadblocks we face are in our minds. 

Let’s look at altitude from an academic standpoint. In order to move to the next level, you must successfully pass different tests or exams that the curriculum requires. Essentially, your studies prepare you so that you can showcase your level of ability on these tests or exams. If you cannot pass the tests or exams for a particular level, you do not earn your degree so that you can move to the next level. 

Individuals who consistently move to the next level all have to focus on these 3 things:

1.      Desire – you must understand your true desires in order to reach high altitudes. The more you understand what it is you truly seek, the better your choices will be, bringing you ever closer to your goals. With a crystallized goal in mind, your choices and actions will reflect that intensity. 

2.      Intent – knowing exactly what you intend is like an arrow heading for the bull’s eye; its purpose is clear. Desire precedes intent and intent precedes follow through. Again, it is important to truly understand exactly what your intentions are; this is your guiding light for the choices you make. You decide what to do and say based on your true intent. Academia-wise, your true intent will dictate how much you need to study and so forth.

3.      Follow through – without action, nothing gets done. This is why it is important to follow through on your plans. Personal leadership requires that you follow through on your intent in order to achieve your goal. When your desire and intent are clear, it will help you to avoid the pitfalls of the debilitating disease of procrastination. 

The most beautiful thing about altitude is that it is defined by the limitations you place on yourself. Altitude is a principle which means it is limitless; you can never exhaust it. The minute you understand that, you realize a profound shift in your mindset. Once you begin to believe in infinite possibilities and that the universe has the power to deliver anything you desire – you’re truly FREE. 

My experience has been that improving these 3 powerful principles in personal leadership result in milestone successes every single time. Whenever I have applied them, the results I have achieved have been profound, impacting and fulfilling. 

If you can improve your ability to lead yourself, others will want to follow your example because you are authentic. 

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The Natural Law of Momentum

How may people even realize that momentum is a natural law – a universal principle; that it exists and operates in our lives whether we believe it or not? 

The incredible thing about momentum is that once you understand it and how it applies to your life and personal growth, your chances of success go way up. If you can align your choices, thoughts and actions with the universal principle – the natural law of momentum, your success rate will go through the roof. 

As with all natural laws though – you can either operate in ways where they serve you or break you. Remember principles are not biased; they do not break – we can only break ourselves against them.

 

Let’s first define momentum. 

Momentum is impetus, force, thrust; it is the energy source that drives something else. It is like an avalanche that builds in magnitude, speed and potential as it gushes down the slope.

 

Momentum Awareness

As I have often said; what you are aware of you can act on, what you are unaware of acts on you. I can say with certainty that you are either acting on momentum right now or momentum is acting on you. It is irrelevant whether you believe it or not – it is happening anyway. 

Whatever you give consistent and increasing energy to will build massive momentum in your life. As one of my mentors Blair Singer puts it, “highest energy” wins. This is so true. What you feed grows; what you starve dies. It couldn’t be simpler when it comes to momentum.

 

Take the old Eskimo analogy…

There was once an old Eskimo that had one black dog and one white dog and every Saturday; these dogs would fight until one of them was too tired to continue. Some Saturdays the black dog would win and on others the white dog would win. The odd thing was no matter which dog won the old Eskimo would always bet on the winner – somehow he always knew which one would win. 

One day, a young fellow asked the old Eskimo “How is it that you always bet on the winning dog; how do you always know which one will win.” The old Eskimo replied “Why that’s easy son – I just bet on the one I had been feeding all week.” 

So you see, what you feed – give energy to will grow and what you starve will die.

 

Here’s the point… 

If you consistently and increasingly feed or give energy to negativity, the negative events in your life will become plentiful and momentous. If you get up every day and whine, complain and bitch about the things you don’t have, you will only get more of nothing. Your bank account of “have not” will continue to grow and build magnitude, speed and potential just like an avalanche. 

Have you ever noticed that the more down you are the more the universe works to keep you down? That’s the natural law – universal principle – of momentum at work in your life. 

On the other hand, if you consistently and increasingly feed or give energy to positivity, the positive events in your life will become plentiful and momentous. If you get up every day feeling happy to be alive, give thanks for what you have and show gratitude for others, you will get even more to be thankful and grateful for. Your bank account “have” will continue to grow and build magnitude, speed and potential just like an avalanche. 

Have you ever noticed that the more up you are, the more the universe works to keep you up? That too is the natural law – universal principle – of momentum at work in your life.

 

Momentum Application

I don’t think I am making any assumptions when I say that you would rather give energy to the best things in your life than the worst. I am sure you would rather feel more up than down every day of the week. If not – don’t bother reading any further because this won’t help you. 

Now that you understand that momentum is indeed a natural law – a universal principle – it is important that you understand how to apply it to your life and personal growth. 

Momentum is a perpetual cycle; it is always going and continues infinitely. Knowing this helps you to understand that the more energy you give to the people, circumstances and activities in your life, the more energy they will need and the more room they will occupy. What this means is that it is your responsibility to choose your relationships, circumstances and activities wisely. 

To ensure that the momentum in your life is fueled with the proper octane of gasoline, you must make choices that are in line with your core values and grounded in correct principles. Feeding any negativity whether by way of your relationships or activities will only make the negative events more momentous in your life. There is a reason why you are often judged by the company you keep. 

Certainly, you may not be a thief BUT, if you hang out with thieves, you cannot then be truly astonished if others also believe that you too are a thief. It may not be right for others to make that assumption; however, you can certainly see how easy it would be to make such an assumption considering the company you keep. 

Furthermore, if you are not a thief, why would you hang out with thieves? Hanging out with thieves whilst not being a thief is like saying I’m not a minion of Satan – I just like hanging out in hell. 

Sure that’s your prerogative but it would be kind of hard not to see you as one of his minions. Besides, it’s hypocritical to say you are one thing and yet give energy to something completely opposite. The point is that if you give thieves energy, their aura and energy will build up momentum in and around your life. When the police come knocking – don’t be surprised. 

If you want the right things (whatever right things mean to you) to build momentum in your life, those are what you have to focus on. The difficulty comes in when life throws you all sorts of curve balls and it becomes near impossible to juggle them all. Frustration sets in, then dejection and ultimately depression which leads to a negative spiral down into the abyss of despair. 

The goal then is to maintain a positive attitude much more often that you do a negative one. This way, you will be able to feed the right things and give energy to positivity. Here are a few tips that can help you maintain a more positive attitude. 

• Give thanks every day – each day you rise, give thanks for life; for the blessings in your life no matter how small you may think they are. Find new things to give thanks for and the more you do it, the more you will get to be thankful for. 

• Celebrate all wins – learn to celebrate all your wins and the wins of others. No matter how small the success, give yourself a pat on the back for having accomplished it; shout it out – tell someone and truly feel good about it.

• Show gratitude – first of all show appreciation for you and then show appreciation for all the people in your life. Show appreciation even for the people who don’t like you as much; appreciate the lessons you’ve learned because of them.

• Be of service to others – find new ways to be of service to others; it doesn’t matter what you do so long as you provide value to someone else with a genuine heart. The greatest gift that you can ever give to another is YOU. 

The more you can maintain a positive attitude, the easier it will be for you to focus on more productive and enlightening things. You will complain less and solve more problems; you will whine less and help more; you will take less and give more; you will pout less and do more. All of these things will positive momentum in your life. 

If you’re still thinking that this really can’t be all there is to it – think again. 

Just think about how much energy you’ve given in the past to some of the most negative and repeating occurrences in your life. Think about all the complaining, whining and bitching you did about them. Worse yet; think of how many conversations you entertained about them – this is where momentum really gets out of control. 

The ripple effect of one conversation spanned across 10 people who talk to 10 other people each who also talk to 10 other people each would result in a 1,000 person ripple effect. That becomes a magnitude of 1,000 negative conversations building momentum around just one issue. That’s the power of momentum. 

Can you then imagine the same scenario around much more positive topics? The build of momentum would be the same 1,000 ripples; however, the feeling and the atmosphere would be totally different and much more fulfilling. 

The natural law of momentum simply says that the more force you put behind something – the more energy you feed it, the bigger and faster it gets and the more potential it has on impact. 

When you consider this, what are the things you want to stop giving your energy to right now? What are some of the issues that have been plaguing you repeatedly because you kept feeding into them? 

Ponder it a moment and I am sure you will come up with a few things almost immediately. Once I understood this principle, the immediate changes in my life were profound and impactful and still continue to be. It’s not always easy to flip the switch the other way; however, I can say with absolute certainty that every time I have – it’s been totally worth it.

Here’s to more positively momentous events in your life.  

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7 Popular Negative Phrases You May Not Be Aware Of

There are so many things that we say daily without even thinking; some good some bad. Usually, we understand exactly what we’re saying and have a pretty good idea of what the impact might be. 

There are those times though when we say some things and unbeknownst to us, does way more damage than we are aware of. The reason is because when we use these phrases, we don’t even realize that they are negative. What’s worse, we are totally ignorant of how using these phrases affect our attitudes and actions. 

Don’t be shocked at some of the phrases you read in this article; furthermore, don’t fall off your chair if you realize you use one or more of them way too often. My goal is simple; to raise your awareness to 7 of the most popular negative phrases that masquerade as positive or realistic sayings. 

Ready? Ok, here goes…

 

1.    It is what it is

On its face, this phrase may sound like a realistic one; it might even sound positive to many. The underlying meaning is supposed to be that you are ok with what is and that you’re just dealing with it. 

The problem with this phrase however, is that it puts you in a weak, digressive and reactive mindset. It is what it is basically says that you have no influence over what happens to you or around you. It says that you are at the mercy of all that is and will be and that you have no choice but to deal with what comes because that is all you can do. 

Even if when you say this phrase this is not what you mean, it still creates that negative energy. The truth is that rather than saying “It is what it is”, a more firm, progressive and proactive thought would be to say, “It is what I make it.” Now doesn’t that sound much more positive and uplifting? 

When you say or invoke that “It is what I make it”, you are in effect saying that you do have influence over what happens to you and around you. You are saying that you don’t have to just deal with what comes, you can make choices to create the future in which you want to live. So please, can this phrase immediately if you are a user or worse an abuser. 
  

2.  What is to be will be

Really… is that truly the message you want to convey? 

This again is another phrase masquerading as realistic but really not – and certainly not positive. What is to be will be is an excuse not to act; it’s a cop out. In the words of the great Bob Marley “Every man (or woman) has a right to decide his own destiny.” 

This phrase creates a mindset that you have no control over what happens to you or your station in life. It basically says that your future is already written and no matter what you do today, you cannot affect tomorrow. Nothing could be further from the truth. The real truth is that no matter what has happened in your past and no matter what is going on in your life presently, it is the choices you make today that will determine the outcome of your tomorrow. There are no ifs ands or buts about that. 

When you invoke “What is to be will be”, you’ve already given up your power to the people and circumstances around you. If you believe that you have the ultimate power to choose your destiny, a better phrase would be “If it’s to be it’s up to me.” Certainly this phrase sounds better that to leave your fate to the will of the blowing winds. 

Remember this… while people and circumstances undoubtedly influence your actions, they do not determine; only you and your ultimate power of choice determines your fate. What you make of your life is totally up to you whether you believe it or not.

 

3.  I’ll believe it when I see it

This phrase is extremely popular – sometimes said like this: “seeing is believing.”  What an absolute mind job this is! 

Basically, this phrase strips you of any hope for mankind or the greatness within it. I hope it doesn’t surprise you to see me take it this far. The truth is that it does run this deep.

 

Ponder a moment… 

I’ll believe it when I see it essentially means that you don’t accept anything as real unless it first manifests before your eyes. Can you see the absolute buffoonery in this thinking? How can anything come to past unless it is first believed? 

Nothing happens unless someone believes it is going to happen; belief precedes action and action begets results. To the degree that you believe something, your results will reflect the same intensity. 

It stands to principle then that “I’ll believe it when I see it” is not only negative but also ass backwards. If you wish to see anything manifest in your life, a more impactful and principle-aligned phrase would be “I’ll see it when I believe it.” This is how you manifest your success – you must first believe that it will happen and your actions will fall in line which will produce the results you desire. 

Look, if you are still going to continue using this phrase, it means two things: first you are definitely a cynic and all you can think of is negativity. Second, you are totally ok with being a BUFFOON.  

4.  I can’t…

Any phrase that starts like this can only go downhill from there. This is a tough one because often times when we use the term “I can’t” what we really mean is “I choose.” 

It was difficult; however, I have managed to reduce the use of this significantly and it has done wonders for my attitude. The more you begin your phrases with I can’t, the more disempowered you become. You see, every time you say I can’t, you are in effect saying that you have no choice and that someone else is pulling your strings like a puppet. 

The way I see it is that you have to go from puppet to puppet master. No one pulls your strings but you. My experience is that there are two instances in which the “I can’t” term comes out rather quickly. The first is when you truly believe that making any other choice would be dire to you. The second is when you need to shelter yourself from the backlash; you don’t want to be accountable for your choice so you back pedal by saying “I can’t. 

Either way, all you are doing is disempowering yourself more. Instead of “I can’t”, more empowering phrases would be “I can” or “I choose.” Sure, both alternatives make you responsible for what you say and accountable to your word but so what – that’s the way it is supposed to be. Don’t be a powder puff – own your choices.

 

5.  That’s impossible

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard (used) this one, I’d own my own island by now. This is a phrase that quickly passes our lips the moment we hear something that is different than what we believe. People who live to uphold the status quo often think that anything that goes against the status quo is impossible. 

No matter how many human, scientific, medical and technological breakthrough we achieve, some of us still find it difficult to stop abusing these words. The fact of the matter is nothing is impossible – NOTHING! 

The universe has an infinite supply of possibilities that we cannot hope or even begin to exhaust. The mere fact that change and evolution take place constantly negates the possibility of exhausting possibilities. I don’t know if it ever sounded intelligent but I know that in this day and age, using the phrase “That’s impossible” sounds dim-witted at best. 

Instead of responding by saying “That’s impossible” when you hear something different or unusual, try a response like “How would that work?” or “What does that look like to you?” or something more humble like “I never thought of it that way.” You will learn so much more if you can practice this approach. 

Let me put it this way… if you can recall at least 5 events or discoveries that you once thought were impossible, you should eliminate this phrase from your vocabulary immediately. And, if you are unable to do that, then you are either a developing infant or you’ve been sleepwalking for at least the past decade. For your sake I hope you are the former. 
 

6.  What if it doesn’t work?

Yeah… but what if it does? 

Fear is a major driver of this negative phrase. People who are fearful of change often ask this question because they only need one reason not to move forward. This gives them a way out – something to blame other that where the blame squarely rests – on their shoulders. 

Don’t get me wrong, it is totally ok and prudent to review and research and crosscheck your facts and figures. When you’re doing that though, you ought to be looking for solutions to the problems you encounter. If all you ever do is point out the problem, it is like throwing gasoline on a fire and simply walking away.

Visionaries don’t ever think in terms of what won’t work; they always want to know what will. The fact that something won’t work just means that there is a solution that needs to be found. If you are constantly asking “What if it doesn’t work?” you are just impeding progress. 

Instead of asking “What if it doesn’t work?” ask “What if it does?” This thinking creates a mindset of solutions and possibilities. It gives rise to creativity, tenacity and powerful imagination. At some point, in order for an idea to flourish, you simply have to let it go and see what happens. Celebrate the successes and learn from the failures – that is all you have to do.

 

7.   If only I had more…

This phrase is the quintessential beginning of some of the best excuses ever thought of. This is because it is so easy and seemingly justified when you begin your phrases with this. It basically lays the burden of every shortcoming and failure on things over which we have no control.

 

For instance… 

“If only I had more time.” This said even when you knew from the onset exactly how much time you had. Another classic is “If only I had more money.” Really… what difference would it make? And furthermore, it’s easy to simply dodge the bullet by saying if only I had more money when all the while you know you have no plan or any hope of ever having more than 2 pennies in your pocket. 

First of all where time is concerned, you’re never going to have more or less of it. Time is a principle that merely exists; it is constant and keeps ticking away no matter what you do. All we can do is manage ourselves in alignment with the principle; this is why we invented 24 hours for a day and so forth. It is simply an effort to be more productive, efficient and healthy. 

As for having more money – hogwash; work with your true gifts and talents to create and distribute value to others. If you are tying your worth to how much money you have, you aren’t really worth that much anyway. 

The bottom line here is that this phrase places blame on things over which you have no control which makes them the perfect scapegoats. This is a negative mindset because it robs you of abundant thinking. Instead of beginning your phrase with “If only I had more…” begin by saying “I appreciate….” When you show gratitude, you get more to be grateful for. 

This mindset creates a more positive and uplifting attitude that can only propel your success even further. 

If you are still reading, I suspect that one of two things must have happened…

1.      This article actually struck a nerve a it’s making you think and rethink your entire vocabulary – this is good 

2.      You have been laughing your ass off the whole way through and you couldn’t wait to read what hilarious thing I was going to say next – this is also good.

 

Here’s the deal… 

If you truly believe that your words carry any kind of power, I am certain you would want to be careful what you say. My goal was to raise your awareness; the rest is up to you. Just remember what you are aware of you can act on, what you are unaware of acts on you. 
 

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How to Overcome Procrastination

This debilitating disease has plagued us all at one point or another in our lives. For some of us, it is a constant and infectious virus running amuck in our world. My experience is that procrastination is a dream killer – it can really take you out of the game of life. If you are unaware of the dangers, it can take you out for good. 

The bottom line is that a procrastinator is a self-assassinator. 

For those brave enough to accept the challenge of curing this awful disease, the results are staggeringly positive when you succeed. The sad truth is that the challengers are few and far between. 

I have met and counseled so many individuals who set goal after goal but never get around to taking one step towards them. And by the way, I’m not talking about dodo heads and morons – I’m talking about people with at least half a brain which is more than enough to get most things done. 

  

Why people procrastinate

Fear is the number one reason why people procrastinate. It’s either fear of failure or even success. It’s the fear of looking stupid to the world if it doesn’t work. It is a mark of the cynicism and negativity that has taken root in our psyche over time. Unless you can weed this out, procrastination is sure to be the victor.

 

Think about it for a moment… 

What are you waiting for to go after your dreams? The truth is that the tides will never be just right; the moon and the stars will not align perfectly to give you a sign. This is a fool’s folly – your destiny is not out there – it rests with you. No matter what excuses you make and no matter how many justifications you give, your future is still in your hands. The moon and stars align only when you are ready to act – it may seem like a miracle but it won’t happen unless you make it happen.

 

Here’s what usually happens though… 

First you tell yourself it’s not the right time and yet you make no plans or preparations for when the right time arrives. How can it ever be the right time if you are not prepared? 

Next you ask yourself “what if it doesn’t work?” This is only gives you a myriad of reasons why not. The one you should be asking, the one that truly makes a difference, is “what if it does work?” 

The list could go on and on here but I think you get the gist. People with an excuse mindset will come up with all sorts of rational lies (rationalize) why something cannot happen and won’t work.

 

The right mindset

In order to diminish procrastinating habits, it is important that you have the right mindset. If your first response is to make excuses and offer justifications when you are challenged, procrastination grows in your life. These are the elements that this debilitating disease feeds on; this is how it envelops your life. 

The more excuses you make, the more procrastination grows. Have you ever noticed that when you put off one thing just how easy it becomes to put off the next thing? It can become a vicious cycle before you realize what is really happening. By the time you wake up and smell the coffee, you’re in debt, you’ve been passed over for that promotion 3 times, you’re about to lose your house and your wife and kids don’t know you anymore. 

OK… a little dramatic – yes. I am sure you can appreciate the underlying message though; if you aren’t careful procrastination can cause major upheaval in your life. 

The mindset that works to eliminate procrastination is one of responsibility and accountability. You must endeavor to hold yourself accountable for your actions or in this case your inaction. You have to be the first person not to let you off the hook with feeble excuses and justifications. 

If you need to, devise a system of actions and consequences for yourself. For instance, every time you make excuses for your actions, you deprive yourself of something you really love – your favorite food, your favorite pastime, sex. 

It might sound silly; however, if you can muster the strength to practice this, your procrastinating ways will surface quickly and often. The goal of this exercise is to raise your awareness of how often you procrastinate – even about the simplest things. Often times, we don’t even realize this is happening until the disease has become a giant malignant tumor.

 

Reducing Procrastinating Behaviors

I am not going to write about eliminating procrastination completely because I don’t know if that is realistic. I mean, there are things that I still procrastinate on; they just aren’t the most important in my life. 

My experience is that reducing procrastination especially around the things that matter most, significantly improves your success rate at anything. So, even though I am sure that some of you don’t procrastinate at all about anything, I won’t take that route because I’d be a hypocrite. 

Following are 5 habits that help to reduce procrastination significantly.

1. Create a personal mission statement – this will help you center and focus your energies. A personal mission statement outlines what you are about, where you are going and how you plan to get there. You see, often times we procrastinate because we don’t have a clear picture in our minds who we are or where we are going; this creates “scatter brain” syndrome.

2. Write down and date your goals – this is so important; it’s a lesson I had to learn the hard way over and over before it clicked in my brain. This is probably one of the most powerful habits that I have ever developed. When you write down and date your goals, they instantly become real. Now it’s in ink and you can look at it. You have something to refer back to; you don’t need to remember what you’re supposed to be doing. When you write down and date your goals, you can track them; you can track yourself against them to see how you are doing. Many times we don’t even know how badly we suck because we have no barometer – no checks and balances. When your goals are written down and dated, it is harder to hide from them. 

3. Make “to do” lists – whether you do this daily or weekly, it is important to make “to do” lists. This is another powerful tool because each time you check something off, you get more excited. When you don’t have a list, you don’t even know what you’ve done and worse, days may go by and you haven’t done one thing that you really wanted to do. Your to do list is a guide – it is your tactic sheet that is helping you execute the strategy you’ve put together to achieve your goals.

4. Celebrate all wins – it is important that you celebrate all your wins no matter how small. Each time you check something off your list, you should celebrate it because you’ve accomplished something. When you do this, it will fuel your passion and motivation to do even more and achieve at even greater heights. Celebrating a win can be as easy as pumping a fist in the air, pulling it in and saying “YES” emphatically. Blair Singer taught me that one and it really gets your juices going.

5. Debrief regularly – whether you succeed or not at something, it is extremely important that you debrief yourself. Do this alone or with someone else if you need to BUT do it. Procrastination is like a virus – it latches on to negativity quickly and just spreads like wildfire. Especially when things don’t go as planned, it is important that you get your head around it as quickly as possible by debriefing. Ask yourself what worked and what didn’t and then learn from the hiccups. Don’t internalize the failure and let that stop you from moving forward or trying again… failure is just an event not you. 

Practicing these 5 habits will undoubtedly improve your ability to focus and center your energies. You will be able to overcome procrastination more easily and quickly especially in the areas that matter most to you. 

Procrastination may be a debilitating and vigorous disease but the good news is that there is a cure. What are you waiting for… stop procrastinating and get off your ass.  

 

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The Natural Law of Awareness

What you are aware of you can act on; what you are unaware of acts on you. This is such a profound realization as taught to me by one of my mentors. The simple truth of it is refreshing once you grasp it and the light bulb goes on in your head. 

Awareness is a principle that exists and operates in our lives whether we are aware that it does or not. Understanding how it works is crucial to success in your personal growth and development. My experience is that the more keen your awareness in a situation or about a particular circumstance, the more effective your actions and the results you achieve. 

Let’s first define awareness… 

Awareness speaks to your level of consciousness; how awake you are in a particular situation. It speaks volumes about your knowledge, responsiveness and alertness. It is about your sensitivity to you, circumstances and those around you. It goes to your receptiveness of the outside world and how you manage it on the inside. 

To the degree that you are aware of the inner and outer world, the effectiveness of your choices, thoughts and actions will reflect the same. How you behave will largely depend on how aware you are. 

When you raise your level of awareness, you automatically raise your potential for success. This is how the principle – the natural law of awareness works. It exists and operates whether you know it or not or believe it or not. It simply is. 

In my experience, awareness comes in 4 forms. You may have seen them categorized differently; however, these are basically the 4 different forms of awareness.

 

1.    Unawareness

The fact that you have no clue what is going on does not negate the fact that there is a level of awareness in play. In a state of ignorance, everything and everyone is acting on you without your knowledge. You may blame and complain about your circumstance and others at this level; however, the truth is that your unawareness is the real culprit in your frustration. 

When you lack knowledge of something; you also lack the ability to make other choices simply because you don’t even know they exist. In this case, ignorance is not necessarily bliss – in fact, it could be down right miserable. 

Here’s the lesson… 

Whether you have knowledge or not doesn’t mean that the knowledge doesn’t exist and that its existence isn’t operating in your life. It may be a little weird or hard to grasp at first BUT think about it – really think about it.

 

2.  Reactive Awareness

In this case you are always aware of and act on circumstances and people around you. The focus of your choices, thoughts and actions are largely based on how others view and treat you. 

Also, at this level, you do not accept total responsibility for your own choices, thoughts and actions. Since you are mostly reacting to circumstances and other people, you blame them for your choices, thoughts and actions. This is reactive behavior which causes a severe lack of self-leadership. 

Reactive awareness is not ideal simply because it leaves you out of the equation. When all your choices, thoughts and actions are based on circumstances and/or other people, you lack your own voice. You are not making decisions based on the things you value most but rather on the things you believe others value most.

No matter what you believe at this moment, it is certain that this way of thinking will lead to frustration and unhappiness. This is because, you cannot have good and firm grounding or a good sense of direction when you are simply blowing the way others and circumstances blow. If you change your stance with the direction of the wind, you will ultimately spiral into chaos, confusion and disarray. Your level of personal growth and success will undoubtedly be stunted.

 

3.  Proactive Awareness

Proactive awareness is complete awareness. In this mindset, although you are aware of others and circumstances, you are most aware of yourself. You are completely in tune with your choices, thoughts and actions and you understand that these are the things you truly control. 

You do not blame and complain about others and circumstances when things go wrong because you realize that your choices, thoughts and actions precipitated that outcome. Proactive awareness demands that you be responsible for you; the way you think and act in any given situation.

This means that you are aware of your strengths and your shortcomings; you are aware of others in the same manner; however, you do not base your choices on them. Your choices are based on your core values regardless of what others think. The person you show others is the person you want to be and not the person they want you to be. 

This is the practice of complete awareness – proactive awareness. You take a deliberate stance to be a person who evaluates his/her own choices, thoughts and actions so that you can learn to improve yourself.

 

4.  Instinctive Awareness

Frankly, this list could stop at 3; however, I have found it quite valuable to include this 4^th form of awareness. My experience is that when you practice something over and over again, you only become better and better at it. At some point, you no longer seem to have to put much effort into succeeding at it because it has become a habit – a part of your DNA. 

This form of awareness, I have dubbed instinctive awareness. At this level, you are so keenly aware that things seem to happen and function automatically. You make choices, think thoughts and act with your core values guiding you on auto-pilot. Certainly since you are always learning, there are things that will always be at the other 3 levels. Eventually though, if you are diligent in your practice and seek to improve your awareness at all times, you will end up here – at this level. 

For instance, reading, writing and attending seminars and workshops by incredible individuals from whom I can continue to learn is not something I really have to think about anymore. I just do it; it seems automatic. I instinctively spend time, money and resources improving my own personal power, growth and self-awareness. I love doing that and I realize of course that it helps me tremendously to help others even better. 

This is just me – what’s your vice? 

Here’s the caveat… 

As with all principles, your results are based on how well you operate in line with them. This means that especially at the level of instinctive awareness, if you are practicing negative behaviors, you will undoubtedly reap negative results. 

These are basically the 4 forms of awareness; as I said, you may categorize them differently; however, these are they. 

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The Natural Law of Choice & Result

It is an absolute that there are natural laws – universal principles that exist and act in our lives whether we believe it or not. These are no different than the law of gravity which basically says that what goes up must come down unless you remove gravity from the environment. 

As it pertains to our personal growth, it is imperative that we are aware of, understand and apply these principles in our lives. The pinnacle of success is achieved only when we adhere to natural laws. 

This article focuses on the natural law of Choice & Result. The absolute of this universal principle is that every choice has a specific end result. To the degree that you understand this natural law and how it applies to your personal growth, the results you achieve will reflect the same. 

The goal then is to help you properly define Choice and Result and then understand its most effective application in your life and for your personal growth.

 

The Meaning of Choice

While choice by definition means preferences, selection and options, I wanted to broaden its scope by delving even deeper. Choice at its very core; the spirit of it is truly about alternatives, abundance, possibilities and pro-activity. 

To take it a step further, choice is a responsibility; it centers on our ability to choose (select) our responses in any given situation. It is about being proactive in all that we do. This is why Choice is the Ultimate Power. 

The mere fact that we all have choices is indicative of the infinite possibilities that we can never exhaust. The examples of this principle are numerous. 

Who knew that the Internet would connect billions of people around the world in common bonds? What about Google? Who knew such a simple interface would have the power to help you find what you want when you wanted it – all in a virtual space? The list goes on and on and on… you can never exhaust it. 

This is the true meaning of choice.

 

The Meaning of Result

A result is the effect of a choice; it is the outcome caused by a decision that has been made. In the interest of broadening the scope of the word even further; a result is the consequence of a possibility. 

Yes, I am oversimplifying; however, I want you to get a simple point. The point is that results are not accidents; they are directly linked to choices. Even when we do not mean for something to happen and it happens any way, this result is due to a choice that was made. 

We may call it an accident and that’s fine for context; however, it is important to understand that a different choice would have produced a different result. In this vein, it is plain to see that we have the ultimate power to affect the results we achieve by making the right choices to do so. 

Simply put, there are no accidents. Every situation is precipitated by choices whether you believe it or not or whether you are aware of it or not. The fact that you are ignorant does not mean that the principle is not at play.

 

The Principle of Choice

I have written about choice extensively; still, I constantly get bombarded with comments and opposing arguments regarding my stance on choice as the ultimate power. The fact is that choice is a principle; it exists whether you believe it or not. It is always working whether you are aware of it or not. 

Choice precipitates thoughts and actions; it is where the party begins. 

OK… I’m going to attempt to anticipate all the questions, comments and resistance to this belief. Of course whether you believe me or not is absolutely irrelevant since principles merely exist and operate without bias and in a timeless vortex. 

There are 4 different mindsets to making choices; this is where I believe most of the confusion lies. Most individuals don’t even know the difference.

 

1.      Unconscious Incompetence

These are the choices we make in total and complete ignorance. We have no clue that other possibilities even exist so we just take whatever options are handed to us. This is the state of mind when you don’t know what you don’t know; nonetheless, you are still making choices. A choice to be ignorant though foolish is still a choice.

 

2.      Conscious Incompetence

In this state of mind at least you do have an understanding that you don’t know everything and more importantly that there are other possibilities. You still aren’t in a frame of mind to make the best choices; however, this is a good place to make new discoveries. You have made the choice not to be an ignorant moron. 

 

3.      Conscious Competence

In this mindset, you have elevated your game to making proactive choices to learn and grow. You completely understand that there are other possibilities. Furthermore, you believe that your success comes from the choices that you make and so you begin to practice and develop good habits. You are now aware that you don’t know squat and more importantly you are completely open to learn and discover new ways of doing things. You now understand that practice makes perfect.

 

4.      Unconscious Competence

This is the pinnacle of the ultimate power of choice; in this mindset, proactivity is now a habit; you are this way even when you sleep. Your choices are grounded in correct principles and you have high self value. Of course you are still learning new things; however, the habits that you have mastered are now a part of your DNA. 

Your choices surrounding these values you hold dear are now on automatic pilot. This is where the strength of your character becomes predictable which provides you a solid reputation for saying what you mean and doing what you say. You now consistently achieve the results you desire. 

These are the 4 mindsets of making choices; whether you believe it or not, you are in one of these mindsets each time you make a choice. I know that I have been in all 4 of them; I also know that I am in mindset 3 and 4 more often than not these days. Can you say the same? 

I am not saying this to brag; I am saying it because I believe that it is important that you understand choice and how it applies to your life and your personal growth. We are always making choices so make sure you are in the right mindsets when you make yours.

 

The Principle of Result

Since choice is a principle, then it stands to reason that the effect of choices is also a principle – results. Achieving the results you desire depend almost entirely upon the choices you make. 

Stephen R. Covey puts it this way… 

We have no control over 10% of the things that happen to us because those result from the choices other people make. The other 90% of what happens to us is based on how we respond to the 10%. 

Simply put, while 10% of the things that happen to us are out of our control, the other 90% certainly is based on how we handle that 10%. This is known as the 90/10 principle. 

There are 3 different types of results we can achieve.

1.      Monotonous

Monotonous results are repetitious and same; they usually include making the same choices over and over again while expecting different results. This is of course the definition of insanity; still, many individuals fall into this trap constantly. These types of results are most likely the product of the level 1 mindset of choice – unconscious incompetence. It can also occur in the level 2 mindset if you have not yet reached the threshold of pain for your particular situation. 

The fact is that people don’t change until the need for change becomes self-evident so monotony is something you are likely to experience in your results until you choose to change.

 

2.      Unexpected

These are the “accidents” of the world; the results you do not plan for. Although unexpected, they are still precipitated by choice. While these results can occur at any mindset level, it is much easier to grasp and adapt when you completely understand choice. An unexpected result occurs when you make a choice in the hopes of achieving one thing and end up achieving something different.

The fact that you ended up with unwanted or unexpected results does not negate the fact that had you not made the choices you did, you would not have achieved the results you did. Unexpected results are not necessarily bad and are infinitely good if you can always find the lesson or wisdom within them.

 

3.      Expected

These are the results that you do plan for; your choices are deliberate in these instances. When you achieve the results you desire, it is due to a series of choices that you made purposely to do so. 

For the most part expected results happen when choices are made in the level 3 and 4 mindset. In these mindsets, you begin your journey at the finish line and then take the appropriate steps to achieve the vision and the mission. With a strong focus on the goal and diligence in execution, deriving expected results becomes – well – more expected. 

These are the 3 types of results that you can achieve. Whether you believe it or not, you achieve these results based on the choices that you make. Your mindset level when making the choices will greatly influence the type of results you achieve. 

The Natural Law of Choice & Result is constantly at work – nonstop – and unbiased. These are universal principles that do not break or change – they merely exist and operate whether we believe that they do or not. 

Take a hard look at your own life and situation; examine your own personal growth challenges and I am sure that if you are honest with yourself, you will realize the power in understanding the principles of choice and result.

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A Life without Enemies

At first glance, you might think the title of this article is over-reaching. You might even think it a bit naive. I admit I used to think the same. My experience though has taught me that living a life without enemies is actually the easy part; the hard part is grasping and accepting the thought process that governs it.

 

Do you have those in your life you consider enemies? Does anyone you know consider you to be an enemy? What would it mean to you if at the very least you knew of a way to minimize these instances in your life?

 

If you find that this would be valuable insight for you or someone you know, I invite you to settle in and read on.

 

Firstly, it is important to understand where our enemies come from. Get ready... it's kind of a whopper. Ready? Ok... 
  

We create our own enemies... yes that's right. There are no enemies that we have that we do not create. It is our perception of people and circumstances that create our greatest enemies. Once you can digest this simple truth, it will be easier for you to understand the attitude required to change it.

 

You can change your world whenever you wish by simply changing yourself. In fact, it is impossible for you to change your world or the world at large without first changing yourself.

 

To live an enemy-free life, there are 2 factors that must be addressed in sequence.

1.    The Enemy Within

We are our worst enemy; we do more damage to ourselves than any person or circumstance ever can. Since we have the power to control our thoughts, attitude and actions, we have the power to either inflict great harm or incredible good.

 

This being said, the first enemy we have to deal with on the road to a life without enemies is the enemy within. Improving upon the following 3 elements will have a profound and positive impact on your success in this area.

 

·         See the best in you

It is important that you do not allow your mind to work against you. Look for the best things in you at all times. Even when you fail to reach a goal, instead of focusing on the failure itself, focus on what you did well. After that, turn your attentions to the possible lessons you can learn. Never categorize a failure as you... it's just an event not you.

 

Instead, learn and grow from the things that did not work and realize that the fact that you tried your best is always enough. Also, the whole point of learning is to try again so that you can apply your new knowledge.

 

If you can practice to always see the best in yourself, it will clear your mind of unnecessary negative thoughts. Whenever your little voice starts getting down on you - just pause and tell it to STOP and then change your thoughts to be more positive. Learn to have positive conversations with yourself. Do it in your mind, in front of the mirror or out loud; whatever works best for you - just do it.

 

·         See the best in others

Just as you practice to see the best in you, do the same for others. When you consistently seek the best in others, you remain open to infinite possibilities. Never assume anything or allow your preconceptions to rule your choices. Take the proactive stance to purposely look for the best in others.

 

This does not mean that you are naive and that you turn a blind eye to people's shortcomings. It simply means that you spend most of your energy on the things that make them better people. Surely, you may know someone whom you think has no redeeming qualities; it is especially in these instances that this practice is important. In these cases you must look beyond a person's past, accept his/her present and project genuine hope for that person's future confident in the fact that this person still has the choice to change.

 

If you can truly think of it in this manner, you will always be able to see the best in others even when they do not see it in themselves.

 

Someone once asked Mother Teresa if she would attend an anti-war rally to which she humbly replied "No, but I would attend a peace rally." Now I am certainly no Mother Teresa; however, I am sure you can see the incredible power in changing your perception of a situation. It may be a mere play on words but how profound and impactful for your attitude.

 

·         Confess your own sins

Too often we spend way too much time confessing other people's sins and not our own. Other people's sins are none of your business; it is an area of concern that you cannot change. This is why it is vital that you focus on your sins so that you can change yourself. In fact, if you have any hope at all of influencing someone else to change, again, you have to first change yourself. Only through consistent work on yourself can you influence others to change.

 

The enemy within is at constant work telling you to blame the other guy when things go wrong. It will always lead you to believe it is someone else's fault causing you to expend your energy bashing others. Whenever you find this is happening, focus on what you might have done to create the situation and aim to do better next time.

 

Be accountable for your own sins – they are yours and unless you own them you will be unable to work on them. If you cannot work on your own sins, the enemy within will consistently get the best of you.

 

2.  The Enemy Without

The enemy without becomes much easier to manage once you are successfully managing the enemy within. You might consider someone an enemy if they've deliberately tried to hurt you or cause you ill will. You might also consider someone an enemy if they have expressed dislike for you or if you find yourself in a constant battle or tug of war with this person.

 

The first thing to accept in these instances is that these individuals will appear to you in the way you see them. Your perception governs your thoughts and actions towards this person. Even if it is true that this person wishes you harm, changing your perception of this person can remove the enemy mentality from the picture.

 

Again, it's not about naivety, it's about how you view the person. It is about what you choose to focus on about this individual whether they can see what you see or not. How you choose to view someone does not negate your choice of how you relate to them; it simply opens up more possibilities for positive exchanges.

 

Improving upon the following 5 elements will undoubtedly have a profound and positive impact on your success in managing the enemy without.

 

·         Make no assumptions

Although it easy to do, it is important that you make no assumptions about someone. Be proactive and assess a person for yourself. Whether from a distance or close up, it is important that you evaluate a person from your point of view. Even when you have credible sources of information, these should only serve as references to help improve upon your own observations. Often times you will find that what works or is true in one instance is completely different in another.

 

If you make assumptions, you automatically close yourself off to any other possibilities. Remember that the other person may also be making assumptions about you so be different. Go in with an open mind and a genuine intent to learn and you will find other people far more accommodating and cordial.

 

·         Seek Understanding

It is definitely true that we often fear what we don't understand. Instead of embracing our differences, we put them down. It is important that you seek first to understand others before asking the same in return.

 

If you genuinely want to understand someone else, he/she will recognize and hold you in high regard for that. Just think of what it feels like to you whenever you feel that you've been understood. Now seek to convey the same to others.

 

If you can practice this you will discover that people are much more receptive to your position.

 

·         Embrace differences

The very things that make us unique are the things that should bring us together and not drive us apart. We may all have different beliefs and ways of life; however, deep down we are all the same. We all seek acceptance, appreciation and approval. When you can truly embrace the differences between you and others, you will immediately open dialogue, exchange of ideas rather than conflict and rivalry.

 

Our differences are to be cherished not feared. We can learn a whole lot more from each other by simply opening our minds to our greatness. We all have within us a universe of greatness waiting to be unleashed. The more we encourage it, the more fruitful and positive our relationships.

 

If you can truly cherish the differences in others, your pool of enemies will quickly shrink while your pool of allies quickly grows.

 

·         No protraction

Any protracted negativity will only escalate animosity and corrosive behaviors. Do not prolong negative exchanges; instead try to put things in a positive frame. Even when the truth hurts, it goes over much better if you can frame it positively.

I am not saying you should sugar-coat or offer fluff - I am simply saying use sensitivity when delivering tough messages.

 

Do not engage in “tit for tat” shenanigans; these equate to taking a reactive stance. Instead, take a proactive stance and address the root problem. Look for win/win solutions; if for some reason you are unable to reach a consensus then your best move is to walk away. This way, although you won't be playing together in the same sandbox, you will still both be happy that you both have your own sandboxes without fear the other will drop a bomb on it. 
  

·         Offer Friendship

Sometimes the easiest way to lose an enemy is to gain a friend. There is no reason you can't turn an enemy into a friend by simply offering friendship.

 

It won't necessarily always work and not every situation would warrant such a move; however, in the event that it does - just offer friendship. A good friend is better than a bad enemy any day of the week and twice on Sundays.

 

It may be as simple as asking, "Can we be friends?" The answer may shock you.

 

Now, do not misconstrue this as a mere holier than thou attempt to rid the world of conflict and usher in world peace; although, it’s not a bad idea.

 

This is simply a guide to building more bridges than walls among each other. The undeniable truth is that it takes way more energy to keep enemies than friends. When you have more enemies, you have to expend more time, energy and resources watching your ass – I mean six.   

Conversely, when you have more friends, you have a willing army watching your rear already so you don’t even have to focus on it. With more friends, you expend way less energy, time and resources on negative crap and instead focus on things that create and distribute more value.

 

If you still believe that enemies are necessary, consider this…

 

No matter whom you are or your station in life, true success cannot be achieved alone. Without others, true success and maximum potential cannot be realized. If your world is full of enemies, whom will help you and how will you ever achieve success?

 

Ponder but a moment and realize the infinite possibilities of having friends.

 

See you in the winner’s circle. 
 

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