Powerful Principles of Personal Growth

Transparently Speaking

Tweet

This will probably read more like a rant than an article and I'm ok with that. From time to time I do find it necessary to cleanse by venting. Simply spilling my guts upon you though does not suffice; I must believe that there is some value for you in what I am saying.

Transparently speaking was inspired by my many experiences with different people and the way so many people view the world. This is not to say I have any monopoly on the truth whatsoever – no one does. The fact is though that too many of us keep trying to defy principles in a futile attempt to create dominion over people and things all in the name of the illusion of control.

Seriously – the way the world is shaping up – more of us have to step up to the plate and start creating and delivering some value to it. The time for half measures and talk are over and if you are not part of the solution, you are definitely a part of the problem. As the great author and speaker Stephen R. Covey puts it "the moment you believe the problem is out there; that is the very problem."

I mean c'mon…

There are still too many of us that blame everyone and everything else for our poor station in life. I don't know if the vast majority will ever get past this blockage and see the truth (Doubtful ); but it stands to reason we see so much depression and low self worth among people.

Who am I to judge?

Well, first off I am not judging anyone. Quite frankly we are all flawed and also responsible for each other. It is our responsibility to do our best to help others to do their best. This means that simply saying "I'm not perfect" is no longer good enough. We are all perfect in that we have the ability to pursue who we are truly meant to be and saying "I'm not perfect" is just an excuse to justify our constant failures. No one wins at everything; however true winners never give up because they've failed. Instead, they learn from their mistakes and try again.

Why do we fall? So that we can get up again of course… it might sound trite to you; however, it's still true.

One thing that I'd like to make you painfully aware of in this rant is that no one owes you anything. The world at large owes you nothing! You however (We), do owe the world everything. We all came from the world, regardless of by what process you believe, which means that we should all give back to it.

Expectation is the mother of all disappointments. Stop expecting people to do for you and give to you and start giving to others. Don't be a buffoon about this. Just because you lower your expectation of others doesn't mean you have to lower your standards. In other words, seek out others who have the same or greater standards than you and work with them – follow them. There is no rule that says you have to maintain a relationship with anyone who does not live up to your standards.

In fact, you should empower others to raise their expectations of themselves in a true effort to improve their self standards. You should govern your relationships from within. Once you choose how to spend your energy – live with the consequences of your choice.

Another thing is we all need to give for the sole purpose of giving rather than giving just to receive. The principle already exists that says the more you give, the more you will have. You don't need to think of it before you give because the truth of the principle has no conditions. Giving just to receive goes right back to creating expectations of others to which they don't always live up to which creates disappointment.

By the way, you are the maker of your own fate. Whatever your beliefs might be – this is the principle and it cannot be refuted. You can only break yourself against it but it will remain constant. We all have what we have and are where we are because of the choices we've made.

This isn't a question or a matter of opinion; so do not read it as such. This is the truth whether you are aware of it or not or believe it or not. All things are precipitated by choice. Yes, let's cover the choices of others right now because I know that's where most people go right after I say this. Of course you don't have control over the choices others make; however, you do have control over how you deal with those choices.

Again, stop looking for excuses and loopholes to absolve you for being less than your best. This world requires your best and that's what you owe it. If not your best, then why are you here? If you are not going to make a difference in the lives of others, what purpose do you serve except to serve as the example of what and who not to be? I suppose in that vein, we need you too.

Oh yes, let me not forget the cynics and complainers among us who do nothing but bring us down. Hey look, we have all had bad days – some much worse than others – but what gives you the right to spread your negativity everywhere you go? This has to stop!

Cynics and complainers are usually the same people who live in negativity while doing nothing to change themselves or their circumstance. What's worse is that they often try to convince as many as they can that this is the way the world truly is. The fallacy of it all is that the world isn't simply a physical thing – it is the people first. We make up the world and since we have the power to change ourselves, it could never be that the world simply is the way it is – it is the way we make it. Any other notion is simply foolishness thought of by a moron and spoken on the air of the devil's breath. (If I believed in the devil that is.)

Along with the complainers come the whiners; these are the individuals who constantly say that they can't and then have the audacity to question the poor results they achieve. Give us a break! If you constantly believe that you can't then you won't. It doesn't get much simpler than that.

So many people hate clichés when truthfully they should cling to most such as "what you believe you can achieve." You see a lot of clichés are grounded in true principle – natural law. This is why they always hold true. If you aren't going to do anything about your situation, please do not bombard us with your insistent whining – we don't want to hear it.

In 3 words – SHUT UP ALREADY!

I am also extremely tired of people who say "you need to learn to separate your professional from your personal life." Why put this burden on yourself and others? The vast majority of us spend somewhere in the neighborhood of 70%-80% of our waking hours with our professional colleagues/friends. Why then would you expect or even want people's personal life to be left outside this environment.

If you have a job, then you should know by now that this is a ludicrous proposition. As a matter of fact it is counterproductive. To think that we have to spend so much time disguising who we truly are from the people we work most closely with. And furthermore, to have no personal interest in those you work with only serves to diminish the team – not empower it.

Just to be clear, you are only one person, not two. While there is a time and place for everything, you can still only be one person. This means that you bring your personal life to work, we all do; however, you don't have to bring your baggage. In fact, when people feel the pressure to completely denounce their personal life at work, it creates even more baggage which manifests in the workplace making it harder to function.

No, you shouldn't come to work and air all your dirty laundry – we don't need all that information; however, there is nothing wrong with talking through personal issues with those you work with and trust. The point is that you have the choice. And any entity that tells you otherwise – you should quit immediately (or at least after you find another job.)

On the flip side of this of course are the people you trust at work with your information. For one thing, be smart about it and for the second thing, don't be an ass with people's information. Respect the confidences you are trusted with and treat it the way you would treat your own.

This leads to another thing I want to include in this rant…

Stop gossiping about everyone with everyone. You are a menace and create nothing but unnecessary drama for all involved. I'm not excluded from this pack either because I've done it and it isn't cool – not by a long shot. You should be able to have meaningful dialogue about others and circumstances; however, you shouldn't say anything about anyone to anyone else that you wouldn't say to their faces.

And don't be so damned naïve about your own status. The way people talk about one person is the same way they talk about all others. Someone once asked me "Dean, what do you think people say about you when you leave the room." And I simply answered, the same thing they say about anybody else when they leave the room. The point is that if a person is usually saying positive things about people, chances are they will say positive things about you. If a person is into gossip, you are not immune from the gossip machine so just get over yourself.

Ever heard the term "you are judged by the company you keep?" Ok, so no one has the right to judge anyone else but let's be serious. Where is your value system if all your friends consist of shady characters? No one can tell you whom you should hang with; however, you have to be willing to live with the consequences of your choices. Don't worry about what others think or say when it comes to your circle of friends – they are yours to choose and refuse. Wondering why people see you a certain way because of the company you keep is just a plain waste of time because as long as you hang out with certain people there will be those who view you in the same light they view your friends – good or bad so just deal with it.

On the other hand, when you choose to call someone a friend – just remember that your friendship will never mean as much as when you have to defend your friend in his/her absence. It's sickening to watch the way people allow and even engage in conversations and activities that tear down those they call friends. If you are doing this you are not a friend and your friend would be so much better off without you. This kind of thing happens way too often and it's time to stop it.

Transparently speaking, I have probably left the point of this rant way behind; however; I truly hope that you derive some value from it. As far as I'm concerned, if you're laughing, crying or thinking deeply after you've read this, it's enough – I'm good.

 

Thanks,

Dean.

Post to Facebook Tweet	I would love to speak at your next event... BOOK DEAN NOW!
From Dean's Library	Does this website help you? Show your support by making a donation. Your gesture is greatly appreciated.

Discover successful habits that allow you to discover, master and unleash your remarkable untapped human potential through the Powerful Principles of Personal Growth Newsletter.

 

Coping with Change

Tweet

Change is a constant occurrence that we must all deal with whether we desire to or not. Coping With Change then, is certainly a very important skill to develop and improve upon in order to be effective. Sadly, the vast majority of human beings on our little planet abhor change and fight feverishly to uphold the status quo. This is why so many of us are often frustrated by change and so affected by the effects of it.

The truth is that since change is a principle that is ever happening whether to you, around you or by you, it is essentially inevitable and everlasting. This being said, effective people understand that learning how to cope with changes is crucial to their success and helping others achieve success.

Furthermore, it has been my experience that a large portion of the frustration that comes with change has to do more with the ignorance of others in dealing with changes. Basically, many, many people are clueless in how to deal with changes. And quite frankly, most, if not all, of us suck at dealing with changes in different areas of our lives.

Of course, this is not all bad since anyone has the capacity to learn and understand how to deal with change.

The goal of this article is to outline for you the most effective habits in coping with change in a practical manner. I am not saying that you will always deal with change effectively – BUT – I am saying that when you process and apply these 6 habits, you will virtually achieve the results you desire every single time.

Coping with change involves two main elements; the process and the application. The first 3 habits help you understand how to process change and the second 3 habits help you understand how to apply change.

Habit #1: Seek Change

Most people do a lot of talking about change but most do very little to facilitate change. Highly effective people understand the importance of constantly seeking change; they understand that only through change can you grow.

This means that seeking change is vital to your personal growth; unless you are willing to change, there can be no growth. The first step in coping with change is to first be a part of the group who seeks to change.

It doesn't mean that you should flip flop on your core values and beliefs but rather seek out and affect the type of changes that exemplify them and strengthen you in your convictions. Additionally, in the pursuit of change, you will often come to see the world more openly and any update to your core values and beliefs will most certainly be positive – this is organic evolution at its finest.

Habit #2: Accept Change

The second habit in coping with change is accepting it for better or worse. Sure, it is easy to accept change when the change is the one you want. More importantly though, it is key to learn how to accept even those changes that you don't necessarily like or approve of.

Accepting change does not mean that you condone or support it; however, it does mean that you acknowledge it and make choices accordingly. The biggest mistake that most people make when they face changes they do not want is to ignore them and then act as if they do not exist. Unfortunately, this ignorance does not negate the effect of the change; more often than not though, people end up frustrated, disappointed and/or hurt because of their own ignorance.

When you truly accept change – you accept it all. You endeavor to see the whole and then make choices to deal with it accordingly. Even if you decide for whatever reason to stand apart from change – you still choose to acknowledge its occurrence and therefore do not remain ignorant.

Let me put it this way…

We shed skin, lose hair, we live, we die a physical death and up to 150 species go extinct every single day. All of this is inevitable change and whether you are aware of it or not, they still happen. Getting the picture? Good… let's move on then…

Habit #3: Embrace Change

The third habit in coping with change is to embrace it. Truly successful individuals practice this relentlessly because they understand that this is how you become a true scholar of growth. When you can embrace change, you are able to learn all there is to learn from it.

Have you ever heard the cliché "everything happens for a reason?" Well, it is true and truly successful people believe it and this is why they endeavor to embrace change – ALL CHANGE.

Again, it doesn't mean that you condone or support the change – it just means that you not only accept it but you are open to it without judgment. Judgments are automatic blockers to learning because they close you off in the most profound ways. It is extremely difficult to learn anything new when you come to the class with preconceived notions. This is because for the most part, you have already made up your mind about the outcome and therefore you are unable to see beyond your own ignorance.

You can only take advantage of knowledge to the degree that you are aware of it. Essentially, if you do not know all that is available, it is impossible to use all that is available.

The embrace of change is the fertilizer for creativity and imagination that sparks the greatest change.

Furthermore, it is important to point out that we all have varying perceptions and views and that the greatest discoveries are made by seeing the world through the eyes of another. This being said, in embracing change, it is paramount that you also embrace the changes and/or differences in your fellowman. Instead of ostracizing people for being different, include them because of it so that you can learn from each other. This is the epitome of embracing change.

These 3 habits help you to PROCESS change. Practice them and you will undoubtedly see profound and positive improvement in coping with change.

Habit #4: Embody Change

The fourth habit in coping with change is to embody it. This habit is only applied when you do in fact condone and support the change. Regardless of how you become aware of the change, you choose to follow it because it aligns with your core values and beliefs.

In this case, it is important that you first consult your inner compass to make sure that this change is aligned with the things you believe in – with things that are most important to you. Then and ONLY then should you embody any change. Even if this new change takes you off your original course, in my experience, it is best to go with it if it is in alignment with your core values and beliefs.

Habit #5: Epitomize Change

As Gandhi said "Be the change you wish to see in the world." This is what it means to epitomize change. It is vital that you lead by example – that you are the epitome of the changes you want to see around you. When you are the epitome of change, coping with change becomes so much simpler because you can more easily make choices to deal with changes.

In other words, whether you stand apart from or embody change, your choices are clear based on your core values and beliefs and the types of changes you exemplify. Also, you become a lot less frustrated by the changes others make that you do not like when you are a living example of the changes you wish to contribute to the world. It's harder to knock others for their voice when you too have your own.

Habit #6: Affect Change

Habit #5 and #6 go hand-in-hand when it comes to coping with change. For once you epitomize the changes you wish to see around you, your circle of influence grows automatically and much more rapidly. People tend to follow those who have a strong and focused voice with substance to support it as opposed to a loud mouth complainer without a backbone.

Truly successful people understand that in order to create the best changes, the enrollment of others is important – it is crucial. They are proactive and they understand that "proactive people always affect changes while reactive people are always affected by changes."

In affecting change, you aim to impart your knowledge and wisdom onto others only in an effort to make them better in some way. This is not about power and control – it is about making others better for having known you. The moment it becomes about anything else, it is corrupt and no longer valid.

Additionally, when you are an affecter of change, it means that you do not stand around and wait for an invitation to do what you feel in your heart is right. Regardless of what the masses are doing, as a change agent, you must endeavor to do what is necessary to achieve the results you desire. No matter what, you have to be willing to stand your ground.

Essentially, you must be willing to stand on your core values and beliefs even if you stand alone – this is how you affect change. When you are convicted, confident, and exemplary and you clearly know where you are going, others will soon follow. You need not worry about finding others to join the cause; they will undoubtedly find you because that is what people do when they need a leader. Just remember that leaders lead from the front and not from the back.

Ever seen those epic war movies? Where was the king? That's right – usually leading the charge and not standing behind a curtain pretending to be some all-knowing wizard barking orders at the troops.

These 3 habits help you to APPLY change. Practice them and you will undoubtedly see profound and positive improvement in coping with change.

 

 

 

Post to Facebook Tweet	I would love to speak at your next event... BOOK DEAN NOW!
	Does this website help you? Show your support by making a donation. Your gesture is greatly appreciated.

Discover successful habits that allow you to discover, master and unleash your remarkable untapped human potential through the Powerful Principles of Personal Growth Newsletter.